12 Days of Girly Juice 2022: 11 Favorite Articles

Kate Sloan

I wrote upwards of 150 articles this year, on this blog and elsewhere. And while I would love to be able to say that all of them were equally creatively fulfilling, and that I was equally happy with both the process and the product of all of them, that’s just not the case.

But fortunately, my articles aren’t like children – I don’t have to pretend to like them all the same amount. I’m allowed to have my favorites. And I do! Here are my 11 favorite pieces of prose I produced this year…

 

For this blog

  • “Let’s Talk About Jeans Bondage“: In February, a reader paid me to write a blog post about their favorite fetish, one that combined the thrilling constriction of bondage with the iconic aesthetic of jeans. I’ve never done a piece of writing like this before, one where my entire task was to interview someone about their unique fetish, which I had never heard of before, and then explain it in writing as if to a layperson. Really interesting project and I think the post (and accompanying photos) came out well!
  • “Polyamory & Trauma Are a Tricky Combination, But These Resources Can Help“: I always love compressing a bunch of big lessons I’ve learned into a compact, easily digestible form for my readers/listeners. In this post, I wrote about my struggles with polyamory as a result of being a trauma survivor, and listed many of the tools which have helped me in this regard, from books to workshops to therapity modalities. I hope it helps lots of folks!
  • “How to Squirt“: I’m not sure why I never wrote an in-depth squirting guide before this one, but I was glad to finally put down in writing every single piece of advice I have for hopeful squirters and their partners. It contains a squirting FAQ as well as tips, techniques, and toy recommendations that’ll give you a better shot at learning to squirt.

 

For the now-defunct MEL Magazine (RIP)

  • “The most delicious edible lubes, according to a renowned pastry chef“: When my editor at MEL told me she wanted me to interview a Michelin-starred chef about flavored lubes, I immediately wondered if I’d even be able to find such a person who’d be willing to go on the record about such a tawdry subject. I managed to get an interview with the wonderful Eric See, an acclaimed pastry chef, and he was happy to answer my various weird questions about lubes with flavors like “white chocolate raspberry truffle” and “strawberry pomegranate.” The piece was amusing to work on and also functions as a good introduction to flavored lubes in general.
  • “The best sex games, for when you want to play in more ways than one“: My editor allowed me to take a very liberal approach to defining “sex games” for the purposes of this article, so I wrote about sex-related video games, board games, dice games, discussion-based games and more. I also wrote more generally about the benefits of playing games with sexual partners (or potential/hopeful sexual partners), and how to do so in a way that respects the boundaries of everyone involved.
  • “The ins and outs of Christina Aguilera’s humongous Pride dildo“: I was so excited when I received an email from my MEL editor one Monday morning asking me if I could write an article about a sparkly strap-on that Christina Aguilera had worn at a Pride performance over the weekend. Initially I was just going to write about the cultural implications of an out-as-queer female pop star wearing a strap-on in public and theorize on what kind of dildo and harness she might’ve been wearing, but after some sleuthing, I was actually able to briefly interview (via Instagram DM) someone at the small boutique company that bedazzled the dildo. Being a journalist is so fun sometimes!
  • “The Slubb is a power tool you put on your penis“: The Slubb is one of the loudest, heaviest, strongest and strangest sex toys I’ve ever tried. For this article, I wrote about how two German brothers had the idea to make a sex toy out of a power tool – and, of course, I tested it out myself on my partner, who is a very good sport.
  • “Spit or swallow? My journey through the cum cocktail recipes in Semenology“: One of the many reasons I was so thrilled to work for MEL was that they let me pitch my wackiest ideas for sex stories and then usually let me write those stories. For this one, I read Semenology, Paul Photenhauer’s semen-based cocktail recipe book, and interviewed cocktail bartender Greg Hyatt about the recipes contained therein. And then, naturally, I made a whiskey sour containing semen and drank it, for science.

 

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  • “What happens when hot, horny singles do chastity play, on an island, in front of a camera crew?“: A significant portion of my media consumption during the pandemic has focused on cheesy Netflix dating reality shows like Love is Blind, Are You the One? and Too Hot to Handle, the latter of which inspired this essay on chastity, humiliation, demisexuality, and how all three can be blended together into one show.
  • “I just turned 30; here are 30 things I’ve learned about dating“: I thought turning 30 would be scarier than it actually turned out to be. I thought I’d just feel old (and let’s be real, sometimes I do, especially when I scroll through TikTok), but more than that, I just feel wiser, braver, and stronger. In this piece I distilled 30 of my most important dating-related lessons into a pithy list. I wish I could show this piece to a younger version of me, but I think many of these things can only be learned “the hard way.”
  • “5 vintage sexual fantasies for nostalgic moments“: Sometimes I like imagining the secret sex lives of stars from decades gone by, like Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Frank Sinatra and Elvis. This piece contains 5 erotically-charged vignettes set in the 1950s, some of which feature celebrities from that era and some of which focus on regular people (or at least, my movie-sanitized notion of what regular people were like in the ’50s). It was fun to write and even more fun to imagine while writing!

 

What were your favorite things you created this year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2022: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

Today marks the start of my annual year-end feature, 12 Days of Girly Juice! In the coming weeks, I’ll be writing about my favorite songs, sex toys, books, articles, selfies, events, and sexual encounters of the year – among other things. It’s how I process the events of my year, and the ways I’ve changed over the course of these twelve months.

As is tradition, the first 12 Days of Girly Juice post is about my femme essentials this year – the twelve fashion and beauty items which brightened my days, inspired me aesthetically, and helped me express my inner self to the outer world. In no particular order, here they are.

 

Elemis Pro-Collagen Cleansing Balm. I bought this on the recommendation of a beauty YouTuber named Spencer, who knows his stuff. It’s a slippery, viscous product that you massage into your skin to dissolve all the day’s makeup so it can then be removed. I usually rub this balm into my skin while it’s dry and then add water, which makes its consistency thinner so it can then be gently wiped off with a washcloth or tissue.

There are a couple reasons I love this product, aside from the simple fact that it works. Firstly, it smells so good that it makes me feel like I’ve been transported to a spa – it’s fragranced with eucalyptus, lavender, rose, and chamomile – but there’s also a fragrance-free version for folks who prefer that. Secondly, as someone living with a chronic illness that routinely saps my energy, I appreciate having a super low-effort way to remove my makeup at the end of the day when I’ve already used up most of my spoons and don’t have enough fortitude left in me to wash my face properly. Lazy skincare is valid!!

 

“Love Shack” heart-shaped bag by Kate Spade. I love Kate Spade bags and they’ve showed up on this list before, but this bag is really special. I wanted a small clutch or crossbody bag I could take with me to Matt’s sister’s wedding in September, and as soon as I saw this, I wanted it bad. Fortunately, it was on sale.

It’s definitely not the roomiest bag – it can fit my wallet, phone, keys, gum, and a couple other small things, but can’t handle my Kindle or any notebook larger than pocket-sized. But it gets so many compliments, and brightens up my outfits so much, that I’m okay with it.

 

Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask. This is basically just a really great lip balm. I’m including it because, in another year of Zoom calls and intermittent isolation and working from home – not to mention chronic illness and fatigue – I didn’t always have the wherewithal to put together a flashy look, but fancy skincare products helped me feel beautiful nonetheless.

I got this one as part of my Sephora birthday gift last year but used it way more this year. The subtle berry scent and shea butter-based formula are luxurious and lovely. I’m a fan.

 

Make Up For Ever Ultra HD Microfinishing Pressed Powder. This stuff is aggravatingly expensive, so I only ever buy the mini size – but it’s a must-have for me when I travel. Normally at home, I use a loose setting powder to set my concealer and take care of any shininess in my T-zone, but loose powder just isn’t practical when you’re doing your face in airport bathrooms or on trains or planes!

While it doesn’t come with an applicator (bummer), there is a little mirror inside the compact, which makes it convenient for applying on-the-go. I usually put it on with a Real Techniques brush that I’ve had for years.

 

GXVE matte lipstick in “Original Recipe.” Annoyingly, I discovered this lipstick via a targeted ad on Instagram. What can I say; the algorithm knows my soul.

Gwen Stefani founded makeup company GXVE (pronounced “give”), and as anyone who’s ever seen a No Doubt video can tell you, she knows her way around a red lip. I bought this lipstick thinking it’d become just another red in my collection, but it was actually my favorite lipstick of the entire year! The formula is matte without being drying, and lasts a long time, fading minimally and evenly through meals. The “Original Recipe” shade is a perfect, old-fashioned-yet-totally-timeless true red. I’m pretty picky about my lipsticks, especially red ones, and this one has exceeded my expectations.

 

MAC lip pencil in “Cherry.” Who knows why, but there were long periods of time this year when nothing made me feel more confident and put-together than a precisely-executed red lip. When I bought this lip liner, my lip application process became ritualistic: I would dab on a bit of lipstick in the center of my lips, carefully outline their edges with this just-sharpened pencil, fill in the rest of my lip with the pencil, and then apply more lipstick over top. This method is finicky and may seem excessive, but I’ve found that it helps my lips retain their hue much better for much longer, even if I’m going out for dinner or sipping coffee at my desk all day.

There are times when I prefer a more casual approach to lipstick, quickly slicking on a tinted lip balm before I dash out the door. But for the times when I want to be almost painfully precise about my lip, like Marilyn Monroe prepping for a magazine photoshoot, I always reach for this liner.

 

MAC matte lipstick in “De Vil in the Details.” This lipstick is from the limited-edition line that MAC did in collaboration with the movie Cruella, starring Emma Stone, and I bought it while I was watching that movie, because the beauty looks in it were so fucking good that I felt inspired in a way that felt immediate and urgent.

While there are smart internet commentators out there who have their issues with Cruella for various valid reasons, one thing I know for sure is that its approach to costumes and makeup was bold, playful and glamorous. This lipstick, one of a handful of shades MAC released as an homage to the film, is an orange-leaning red – not my usual jam (I prefer a cool-toned red), but high-quality and surprisingly wearable. There were many times this year when I had to get on a Zoom call or record a podcast and didn’t feel put-together enough to be seen, and quickly applying this lipstick was often enough to change that.

 

Coola organic sunscreen. I’ve been trying to get better about wearing sunscreen on my face and visible tattoos whenever I go out, since it’s apparently one of the most impactful ways to keep your skin looking great into middle age and beyond. I certainly don’t remember to do it every time, but I do my best. And it helps enormously to have a face sunscreen that is neither greasy nor chalky. This Coola one is easily the best I’ve ever tried.

As a femme, I really can’t deal with sunscreens that make it difficult or impossible for me to apply makeup on top of them. Coola has somehow created one that seems to dry down just as well as a good moisturizer, creating a smooth canvas for whatever I choose to apply next. Incredible.

 

Converse black leather Chuck Taylor All-Stars. I had wanted these for yeeeears before deciding to finally spring for them. I always worried they were too androgynous-looking for my high-femme style, but over the past several years I’ve been leaning into more of a “soft-femme” or “casual-femme” vibe, so they’ve actually been a fantastic fit with my existing wardrobe.

Chuck Taylors are such an iconic shoe, instantly recognizable on anyone who wears them, and I love that Converse created a black leather version. To my eye, it looks a little more polished, grown-up and (yep) kinky than the standard shoe. It’s ideal and goes with pretty much every casual outfit!

 

Zatchels rainbow midi satchel. This little black satchel has a rainbow panel on the front that’s assembled from various brightly-hued pieces of leather. The craftsmanship of it is beautiful, and I love its little magnetic faux-buckle closures.

It’s not very roomy either, barely having enough space in it for my Kindle, wallet, earbuds and phone, but it goes with almost any outfit and works just as well for casual coffee shop jaunts as it does for fancy soirées. I love Zatchels!

 

Custom-color Nike Air Force 1 Low sneakers. Another pair of sneakers?! Who am I becoming?!

Nike lets you customize the colorways of some of their shoes, through a cool customization tool that lets you pick various different shades for the laces, vamp, sole, etc. While obsessing over the “lovecore” aesthetic, which focuses on pink, red, and hearts, I decided I wanted a lovecore-lookin’ pair of casual shoes for running errands, going on walks, and so on, so I customized a pair of these low-tops that is aggressively pink and red. I call them my “high-femme clown shoes”!

They’ve been great for walking around the city, or just for jazzing up otherwise boring outfits.

 

Unique Vintage pink & red heart-print cardigan. Speaking of lovecore… In seeking out cozy items with a romantic aesthetic, I kept coming back to this cardigan. It’s long and oversized, in a cute slouchy way, and has pockets! After staring at it during multiple late-night online window-shopping sessions, I finally bit the bullet and bought it.

Since then, it’s usually lived on the back of my desk chair, ready to be draped around me whenever I get chilly while working. But I’ve also incorporated it into countless cozy outfits. It goes so well with a lot of my wardrobe and always makes me feel adorable. I wish the material was higher-quality – it’s a viscose/polyester/nylon blend – but hey, what can ya do.

 

What fashion and beauty items thrilled you most this year?

“A Song A Week” Challenge: Monthly Recap 11 of 12

Kate Sloan

Song 45/52: “What If?”

Lyrics:

You treat me so much better than my last love
I clearly carry scars from every past love
And though you buy me roses and ask me to dance
I can’t trust this sweet romance

I’m just as scared as ever that I’ll fall
I’m unprepared to tear down this wall
And though you spoil me with affection almost every day
I can’t trust the words you say, ’cause…

Chorus:
What if it’s all a lie?
What if you leave me alone like they all do?
What if you make me cry?
What if you block me so I can’t even call you?
What if you, what if you, what if you do?

You had to turn your phone off for a work thing
I couldn’t help but think that you were flirting
And though I don’t believe every feeling I feel
I can’t trust your love is real, ’cause…

(repeat chorus)

I once read a story about some spies
Who had to infiltrate communities in disguise
They must’ve done pretty well, ’cause they got the intel
After years-long relationships built on lies
Oh, what a nasty surprise!

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

I pulled a couple tarot cards to inspire a song this week and they were the Knight of Cups (romance, charm, beauty, sentiment, expressiveness) and The Moon (illusion, fear, anxiety, intuition, uncertainty). This combination made me think about the recurrent fears I’ve had in most of my romantic relationships that my partner might only be pretending to be into me, whether because they’re just polite or because they’re planning something malicious. (This has never really turned out to be the case but probably stems from a traumatic experience I had in my teens where a mean girl “pretended” to ask me out and then revealed she’d essentially been trolling me for the lolz.)

I wrote a complete set of lyrics inspired by that card pull, and made an a cappella recording of how I heard the melody in my head while I was writing it. A couple days later, I sat down at the piano and worked out some suitable chords for the melody I’d been hearing, making some changes to it in the process.

The bridge section is referencing a real news story about undercover cops getting into relationships with activists under false pretences in order to spy on them. I talked about how this story fuelled my already-troubling delusions in this story on the Bawdy Storytelling podcast.

Song 46/52: “Sisyphus”

Lyrics:

Slow and steady wins the war
Don’t know what I’m fighting for
Moon is pink and sky is dark
Somehow, somewhere, lost the spark

Are you ever gonna hear my echoed words?
Are you ever gonna like the things you’ve heard?
Are you ever gonna love me, love me, love me, love me now?

Chorus:
I’m still so small; whose fault is this?
I swear I feel like Sisyphus
I yell and groan when I’m pushing the stone
Every day feels the same
Sisyphus – that is my name

History has much to say
On we who’d rather work than play
River man has lost his oar
Don’t know who I’m rowing for

Are you ever gonna borrow from the past?
Are you ever gonna do what I did last?
Are you ever gonna hear me, hear me, hear me, hear me now?

(repeat chorus)

Time has told me that there’s not much time
(Not much time, not much time)
It passes coldly, like I did mine
(I did fine, I did fine)
The conversation, the situation’s wrong
(It’s all wrong, it’s all wrong)
But I’ll be pushing until the hill is gone

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

Another tarot pull inspired this song: the cards were Strength (courage, determination, power, dedication) and the Eight of Pentacles (apprenticeship, repetitive tasks, skill development, hard work, “slow and steady wins the race”). This combination made me think about the myth of Sisyphus, who was cursed to roll a boulder up a hill over and over again forever.

I had been thinking about Sisyphus recently because I’d just finished reading a couple of books about Nick Drake, the British folk singer-songwriter who, like Van Gogh, was plagued by mental health issues and didn’t experience true commercial success until after he had already died tragically. Nick famously had a copy of Albert Camus’s The Myth of Sisyphus on his nightstand when he died, and many have theorized that he related to Sisyphus’s plight, seeing both his career and his mental health as a constant, grueling uphill battle.

I wrote some lyrics from Nick’s perspective, ruminating on his lack of success and calling forward to future listeners, begging them to hear him and to be influenced by him. (This did indeed happen; he’s widely considered a cult hero in the music world now and has been cited as an influence by huge artists like Norah Jones, REM, Beck, and Belle & Sebastian.)

I threw in some references to Nick’s music throughout, including mentions of a “pink moon,” a “river man,” and the phrase “time has told me.” (Would strongly recommend clicking those links and listening to his music if you’re not already a Nick Drake convert; his songs are hypnotically beautiful and virtuosically played.) The line in the chorus, “Whose fault is this?” was also taken from a quote attributed to Nick by his producer Joe Boyd, as excerpted in Amanda Petrusich’s book Pink Moon (emphasis mine):

Boyd later described their brief interaction as grisly, telling the BBC: “His hair was dirty and he was unshaved and his fingernails were dirty and he was wearing a shabby coat. … He sat down and he immediately launched into this kind of tirade about his career, about money, and basically it was accusatory. And he said, ‘You told me I’m great, but nobody knows me. Nobody buys my records. I’m still living on handouts from the publishing company. I don’t understand. What’s wrong? Whose fault is this?’ And he was angry. And I tried to explain that there are no guarantees, that you can make a great record and sometimes it just doesn’t sell.”

Song 47/52: “Bad Girl”

Lyrics:

Late night, skin-tight dress gets caught on the
Windowsill mid-climb until it pulls
Free, like me, and off into the dark

My daddy is asleep; he doesn’t know
That he could not keep me dutiful
Doesn’t know I’m drinking in the park

Chorus:
I’m not a bad girl, I swear
Just want to let down my hair
When I’m a good girl by day
My other side just wants to play
And she gets carried away
She’s got a lot she wants to say

Beer and wine and kiss me in a tree
You are with the wildest part of me
Pulling you so close against my lips

Why do I feel so rebellious?
Wait, wait, strike that, no, don’t tell me, just
Block out all those questions with your kiss

(repeat chorus)

If I seem nervous
It’s ’cause I’m workin’
To be so perfect
When I feel worthless

If I seem stressed out
It’s ’cause I left out
All the realest parts of me
To be who they want me to be

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

Third tarot-inspired song in a row! I’ve been finding tarot cards really helpful lately because there is just an infinite number of topics I could potentially write songs about and it can be paralyzing to try to contemplate them all, so instead I pull two random tarot cards, meditate on their meanings, and write about whatever they remind me of.

For this one, I pulled The Emperor (authority, structure, a father figure, power, rules and regulations) and the Seven of Swords (betrayal, deception, getting away with something). That combo immediately made me think about teenagers rebelling against their parents, so I wrote these lyrics and then ended up putting them to music several days later when various other songwriting attempts that week didn’t produce results I felt were good enough.

While the verses of this song are about experiences I never actually had – sneaking out of the house unbeknownst to my parents to drink with friends in the park – I included some of my actual thoughts and feelings about the “good girl/bad girl” duality, something I’ve been discussing a bit in therapy lately. I have the phrase “good girl” tattooed on my thighs and even previously wrote a song called “Good Girl,” so it was interesting to explore the flipside of that goodness and how both of those girls exist within me.

Song 48/52: “Gun Control”

Lyrics:

Another shooting in the news today
Before the last one’s ink is dry
It’s getting old, getting so cliché
Everybody’s asking why

Why all they’ll give us is thoughts and prayers
Why it’s seeming like nobody cares
Give your local reps a ring
So they’ll get off their ass and do something

Chorus:
The devil wins – he’s on a roll
Let’s do him in with gun control
Use your conscience, search your soul
The time has come for gun control
Gun, gun, gun control (x3)
The time has come for gun control

It’s not as if the jury’s out
Read the stats; the facts don’t lie
I promise you can go without
So fewer kids will have to die

If I seem mad, it’s ’cause I am
‘Cause no one seems to give a damn
I feel unsafe at bars and malls
So give your local reps a call

(repeat chorus)

How many more lives will we have to lose?
How many more hearts will we break or bruise?
No amendment’s worth this pain
I feel like I’m going insane

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

I was going to bed one night, checked Twitter (never a good idea before sleep), saw that yet another mass shooting had occurred – there have been over 600 in the USA this year – and felt so angry and sad and despairing that I wrote some lyrics because I didn’t know what else to do with my feelings.

The following day, I grabbed a ukulele and set those words to music. The song was really simple musically so I felt it would be bolstered by some clips of politicians talking about gun control, which I edited in. I’ve long admired the powerful (and often hilarious) songs that people like Jonathan Mann and the Gregory Brothers can create with political clips, so it was an interesting challenge to take a crack at it myself.

Can Demisexuals Enjoy Porn?

Kate Sloan
A blurry still from a porn scene I once performed in for Spit

One of the most striking changes in my sexuality as I’ve grown older is how much more demisexual I’ve gotten. I went from being a horny, flirty 23-year-old who could spot my next fuck from across a crowded swimming pool, to being a grizzled, grumpy 30-year-old who needs to have a 3-hour conversation with someone before deciding whether she wants to hold their hand. (That’s a slight exaggeration… maybe…)

I’ve seen the question of demisexuals’ porn consumption come up in a few of the online sex discussion spaces I participate in, and I think it’s an interesting one. If the primary purpose of pornography is to arouse the viewer, and the viewer is someone who is far more aroused by brains than bodies, and far more interested in intimacy than insertions, can porn really do its job? I have a few points I’d like to make in response to this question.

Quick refresher before we hop in: Demisexuality is an identity on the asexuality spectrum. Demisexuals find it difficult or impossible to experience sexual attraction until and unless they’ve developed an emotional connection to, or at least an emotional familiarity with, the subject of that attraction.

 

Point 1: Sexual attraction and sexual arousal are not the same thing.

Sexual attraction, generally speaking, is the visceral pull you feel toward someone you want to kiss, touch, and/or fuck. It is aimed at particular people; if someone said to me, “Do you feel like having sex right now?” my answer would be rather different than if someone said to me, “Do you feel like having sex with James Dean circa 1955 right now?” (My answers at the moment, respectively, are “Ehh, not really, ask me again after I’ve had my coffee” and “OMG, yes, give me 10 minutes to throw on some red lipstick for him to mess up.”)

Sexual arousal, on the other hand, is the physical (and, arguably, also mental) state of being horny. It can involve noticeable changes in your physiology, like engorged genital tissue and a quickening heartbeat, as well as more psychological effects, like the pressing desire to be imminently touched by yourself and/or by someone else.

These two things are different. Certainly one can facilitate the other – and for many demisexuals, sexual attraction precedes sexual arousal and is itself preceded by emotional attraction – but fundamentally, they are separate, and don’t always occur at the same time, in the same situations.

Without trying to speak for other demisexuals on this matter, I’ll say that I can become sexually aroused by porn without feeling sexually attracted to the people in it. It certainly helps if I’m attracted to the people in it (more on that below), but just witnessing certain sexual acts can rev me up, especially if they’re acts I’m already intimately familiar with and/or acts I already fetishize to some extent. And so, yes, I can jerk off to porn, and often find that it adds measurably to my arousal and pleasure, just as it does for many allosexual people (i.e. people who are not on the asexual spectrum).

 

Point 2: Porn can become familiar.

In an age of OnlyFans feeds and live sex cams, it’s easier than ever to follow the careers of porn performers you enjoy. Whether you become a fan of theirs because you think they’re cute, because they remind you of someone you used to date, or because your favorite sex acts and kinks are fairly aligned with theirs (or all three!), you can definitely develop an “emotional connection” – albeit a one-sided, parasocial one – to certain performers over time.

This noticeably increases my enjoyment of porn, as a demisexual person. Of the porn performers whose work I follow closely, what they all have in common is that there’s a lot of personality infused into their work, so that I get a sense of who they are (or at least, who their porn persona is) on a deeper level than I would if I’d just watched them get fucked once. This creates a sense of heightened connection and therefore generates heightened sexual attraction on my end.

I’ve noticed that this effect can also occur even if I’ve just seen a particular porn clip several times. It’s like the raunchier version of how I feel more attracted to Jennifer Beals every time I re-watch one of her sex scenes from The L Word…

If you’re not sure where to even find porn performers you might develop a fondness for, I’d suggest scrolling through clip sites like ManyVids, or flipping through the pages of free adult webcams listings, and clicking on anyone whose aesthetic or vibe provokes a positive response in you. Follow that little glimmer of potential attraction and see where it leads you.

 

Point 3: You can make porn that’s familiar.

Now, granted, not everyone wants to set up a camera to film themselves while fucking. You may have concerns about this related to cybersecurity, future employment, etc. and that’s fine.

But if you are willing to make your own porn, I think this can be one of the best solutions for demisexuals who want wank fodder but don’t connect with much/any of the porn they see online. After all, what could be more demisexual than jerking off to the sight of a person you know IRL and already have a deep connection with?

I’ve made amateur porn with a few partners over the years, and it’s always served me well when incorporated into my spank bank. It reminds me of hot sex I’ve had, because it depicts… hot sex I’ve actually had! And it’s therefore a lot easier for me to get turned on by it and get off to it.

 

Fellow demisexuals, what’s your experience with porn? Does it turn you on? Bore you? Or does it depend?

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Whimsical Toys at Wacky Prices: Fun Factory’s Cyber Monday Deals!

Kate Sloan
All images via Fun Factory

Sometimes people say that they feel like “a kid in a candy store” the first time they enter a sex shop, and I’ve never felt that more strongly than I do about Fun Factory toys.

I mean, look at them. They’re colorful, playful and evocative. They’re the very essence of whimsy, in shapes you can fuck yourself with. They’re what would happen if Willy Wonka designed a line of sex products. (Insert “everlasting cocksucker” joke here.)

It may seem extraneous to comment on a toy’s appearance, when (as I’ve said myself in many of my toy reviews) the way it feels is ultimately way more important. But that’s the best part about Fun Factory: their toys look cute and feel fantastic. This combination is alarmingly hard to find in the sex toy biz. And because the Fun Factory aesthetic is so friendly, bright and (yep) fun, I think these toys are especially wonderful picks for people who are often put off by the way sex toys look, whether because they’re grossed out by veiny dildos, intimidated by heavy-handed Fifty Shades-inspired products, or gender-dysphoric about pastel pinks and purples. Fun Factory has the guts to make strange-looking toys galore in shades of lime green, atomic orange, lemon yellow, and many more.

I’m writing this post because the company wanted me to tell you about their Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals, which are just stellar this year. Here are the deets:

  • Toys on Fun Factory’s website are up to 60% off right now. Check below for my recommendations, but trust me, these are great deals regardless of what you decide to get. ✨
  • You’ll get a free mini vibrator with any purchase of $120 or more. So you’re getting, quite literally, more bang for your buck. 😍
  • You’ll get store credit to spend on a later order: $25 when you spend $125, $45 when you spend $175, and $65 when you spend $225 or more. I love when stores do this close to the holidays, because it means you can selflessly buy gifts for your loved ones now, and then selfishly get some extra cash to spend on yourself later. 😎

What’s worth getting from Fun Factory? Honestly, a lot of things. But here are my top recommendations at the moment:

  • The Stronic Petite ($112.49 with the current sale) is my latest love. Fun Factory’s self-thrusting Stronic toys are much-loved but are all on the larger side, so I was glad that the brand decided to release a smaller version of their signature thrusters. It’s aimed at folks going through menopause, who might find its 1.38″ max diameter more comfortable, but really it’s suitable for anyone who wants a thruster but can’t handle a ton of girth. (Keep in mind, though, that it’s not anal-safe.)
  • The Manta ($104.99) is one of my favorite penis vibes, and is super fun to use on a partner (or, I would imagine, on oneself). It’s rare to find a vibe as perfectly suited for penile pleasure as this one is; its silicone wings wrap around your shaft, regardless of size, and add some delicious vibration to whatever else you’re doing – or you can even use this toy by itself, concentrating the vibrations on your frenulum or wherever else feels good.
  • The Magnum dildo ($44.99) is an all-around excellent dildo that works well for lots of different purposes, from solo sex to strap-on play to bathtime fun. It’s got a small-to-average diameter, maxing out at 1.26″, and a longer-than-average length (6.69″ insertable – nice), so it’s comfortable to use in many different positions and holes. Its angled head makes it feel lovely against the G-spot or prostate, too.
  • The Bootie ($26.24) is an ideal butt plug for anal newbies. It’s small, comfortably shaped, easy to insert and remove, and made of silicone that flexes and bends with your body. I used to suggest it several times a week to would-be anal lovers when they would come into the sex shop I worked at, asking for recommendations.
  • The Big Boss ($104.99) is a must-have for people who like a lot of sensation. It packs powerfully rumbly vibrations into its overwhelmingly girthy body, such that your G-spot won’t be able to elude it. I love the looped handle, too, as someone who struggles at times to thrust toys as hard and as fast as my greedy G-spot would prefer.

 

Check out the Fun Factory Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals for yourself, and see whether there’s something you’d like to get for a friend, partner, or just to add to your own collection!

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.