Top 5 Winter Sex Saviours

Kate Sloan

If you’re in the northern hemisphere, be very, very afraid: winter is coming!

I don’t know about you, but I truly hate being cold. Not only does it make me miserable, but it tends to suck the libido right out of me – because who wants to shiver uncomfortably throughout an activity that’s supposed to be hot and fun? Not me.

As a girl who lives on the icy third floor of a house in Canada, here are my top tips for keeping warm while having sex in the wintertime.

1. A good duvet. The great thing about duvets is that they work by reflecting your body heat back at you – so actually, I find that they work best when I’m naked! And of course, this effect is doubled if there’s another naked body under the duvet with me. Goose or duck down is standard, and super warm, but if you hate the thought of using an animal for personal gain, they make artificial varieties as well.

2. Socks or slippers. I know, I know. Wearing socks during sex is seen as pretty much the dorkiest thing ever. I don’t give a fuck. Studies show that having cold feet cuts your chances of reaching orgasm, and I’ve found this to be true. Frankly, no one’s looking at my feet during sex anyway!

Socks are extra important when you’re receiving oral sex, because you can’t exactly cover yourself in the duvet and leave your partner to suffocate underneath. My standard trick is to wrap only my upper body in the duvet, and wear warm socks (double- or triple-layered, if necessary). My thighs and calves might get a little chilly, but that’s not a big deal.

3. A space heater. I’m told that these are bad for the environment, because they use a lot of energy, so I do my best to use them sparingly. I’ll turn on my little space heater for about an hour, with the door closed to lock in the heat, and then turn it off to save power. The room stays warm-ish for another couple of hours, and it makes a huge difference.

You can even have sex next to the heater, if you’re really freezing… but be aware that this might dry out your condom, if you’re using one, potentially leading to breakage.

4. Fairy lights, also known as Christmas lights. You know, those ones that you string up on your tree in December? I don’t have strong feelings about Christmas trees, but I do love the lights. They’re dim, sweet, romantic. Even if there’s a snowstorm going on outside, my bedroom feels somehow quaint and welcoming if it’s adorned in fairy lights.

(Even better? Wrap your naked body in a string of lights and wait for your partner to get home!)

5. Massage oil. I’m a fan of sensual massages, either as foreplay or after-play, and I don’t know about you, but massages are more of a winter thing than a summer thing for me.

You can use straight-up massage oil warmed up in your hands, or if you’re reeeeal smooth, you can have a candle or a bowl of warm water at the ready to help you heat the bottle of oil before you use it. The contrast of cool air and a partner’s warm hands is almost too impossibly sexy to handle. And relaxing, too!

What are your favorite tricks for staying sexy in the wintertime?

Sharing the Sexy #8

Kate Sloan

• Caitlin K. Roberts (creator of Body Pride, doer of sexy things) wrote about arousal and fantasies from a psychological standpoint. Interesting stuff. What are your most disturbing, fucked-up fantasies that you would never want to act on?

• I love a good sexual phobia round-up. So glad I don’t have eurotophobia – it would make my job so hard to do!

• A polyamory-focused blogger I’ve been reading for a while, “K” of Taken But Available, announced she’s calling it quits because polyamory doesn’t work for her after all. She also dropped the pseudonym and disclosed her identity. Brave lady! I wish her the best of luck with her newfound monogamy.

• Rachel Rabbit White profiled a sexual psychic and attended an edgeplay seminar. (Trigger warning: the edgeplay article contains mentions and descriptions of consensual “rape play.”)

• A video series called Hysterical Literature shows women reading from books while an offscreen vibrator is being used on them. Reminds me of Beautiful Agony, but with a literary bent. Hot!

• I really think you need to know about MakeLoveNotPorn.TV. It’s my informed opinion that this is the future of the porn industry: real amateur porn, or as Cindy Gallop calls it, “real-world sex,” bought and sold using a revenue-sharing model. Listen to Cindy discussing the project with Dan Savage and then get thee to the website to request an invitation to the beta. I’m not in yet, but I have zero doubts about the eventual epicness of this project. Get in on the ground floor!

Review: Raspberry Crush Turbo Glider

Kate Sloan

California Exotics makes a few different toys with the name “Turbo Glider.” This is the Raspberry Crush one. Its brother, the Blueberry Bliss, gained notoriety among sex toy aficionados a few years ago when a popular toy retailer offered it as a free gift with any order; then Epiphora wrote a love letter to it on her blog. Despite only costing around $15, it’s got a pretty significant fanbase.

The Raspberry Crush shares a lot of the qualities that made the Blueberry Bliss so successful. It’s made of hard plastic, perhaps the only “cheap” sex toy material that’s also body-safe and non-porous. It’s 100% waterproof and doesn’t weaken underwater. It’s got a hell of a lot of power for a $15 battery-powered toy. It can be used both internally and externally. And its outer casing is translucent, so you can see the inner workings of the motor, which is just cool.

Overall, I prefer the Blueberry, because my vagina enjoys its shape more (ripples, ooh la la). The Raspberry has a nice shape too, boasting a slightly flared head that my G-spot finds moderately pleasing, but the toy is too skinny for me to be able to feel the little bumps on it, unless I purposely rub them against my vaginal walls. I also find that the Blueberry’s tip conducts vibration better; the bulk of the Raspberry’s vibration is located a few inches below the tip, and that’s not always convenient.

I’ll always recommend the Turbo Glider toys to beginners, especially those who say they’re looking for something cheap. I don’t know of any other vibes that have this much power for this low a price, while also being body-safe. You get a lot of bang (and buzz) for your buck.

The only real downsides to these toys: they’re quite buzzy, and quite loud. So if you need deeper, lower-pitched vibrations to get off, or it’s important that you be discreet, look elsewhere.

While I do prefer its Blueberry brother, the Raspberry Crush Turbo Glider is a reliable, well-rounded, and satisfyingly standard vibrator.

Review: Jimmyjane Iconic Rabbit

Kate Sloan

Jimmyjane’s Iconic Rabbit has been on my sex toy wishlist for a long, long time – since before I started reviewing. I’ve always enjoyed dual stimulation and had romanticized the idea of a rabbit vibrator as the perfect solution. And Jimmyjane’s rabbit is so much prettier than all the disgusting pink-and-purple jelly ones on the market. I had to have it.

I must confess, though: I actually own one of those gross jelly rabbits. I bought it before I knew better. And although its plasticky smell worried me and the material made my vagina burn after every session, the stimulation was ideal. The shaft twirled against my wanton G-spot. The rabbit ears thrummed against my clit. It got me off spectacularly and quickly, every time. The damn thing was waterproof, too, so I could even take it in the bath with me. If it hadn’t been made of jelly, I probably would have married it.

I expected Jimmyjane’s rabbit to top the one I have from California Exotics, but other than material, there’s no category in which the Iconic Rabbit is as good as my old jelly rabbit.

First of all, you should know: Jimmyjane does not actually make, and did not design, this toy. It’s from their “Usual Suspects” collection, a set of classic sex toys curated and whitewashed by Jimmyjane. The Iconic Rabbit is identical to Vibratex’s very famous Rabbit Habit toy, except that it’s all white, made of “body-safe elastomer,” and has the words “Iconic Rabbit” written on it. I must admit, it looks hella classy.

Elastomer, by the way, is not the worst sex toy material out there (like jelly), but it’s certainly not the best. It’s porous, so you can never fully sterilize it for sharing with a non-fluid-bonded partner. And you certainly can’t put it in your ass if you ever want to use it vaginally again. But on the plus side, it’s compatible with all kinds of lube (I was too nervous to test it with silicone-based lube, though).

The vibrating rabbit ears have that high-pitched, buzzy quality that makes them seem startlingly strong at first and then maddeningly imperceptible after a few minutes, because of the numbness they cause. They’re also really thin and floppy, so they don’t stay on the hood of my clit where I need them. This is obnoxious as fuck; I do not have the patience to re-adjust a toy every ten seconds while I’m trying to get off.

The twirling shaft is highly amusing to look at, and feels great on my G-spot and vaginal walls. The movements are so big, however, that the toy tends to move around a fair bit unless I grip it very tightly. As you might expect, this really doesn’t help the whole “runaway clit stimulator” problem.

The toy’s main issue is its power distribution. Remember when I said the clit vibe can feel very strong at first? That strength vanishes as soon as you turn on the shaft. Each part of the toy steals power from the other. This isn’t a new or unique problem for a rabbit vibe to have, but it’s annoying nonetheless. I don’t think I need to explain how frustrating it is to have to choose between clit stimulation and G-spot rubbing to be able to get off – especially since this is supposed to be a dual-stimulation toy, not an “only one type of satisfying stimulation at a time” toy.

It also has two faces on it. A rabbit face below the bunny ears, and a weird cartoon woman face on the underside of the shaft. I don’t know how you feel about anthropomorphized sex toys, but if you’re not a fan, you’ll hate this one.

I had high hopes for the Iconic Rabbit, and it did not deliver. It has yet to give me an orgasm, because of its weak clitoral vibrations – except for one time, when the bunny ears shifted off my clit about 5 seconds before I was about to come (ARGH) and the shaft pushed me into a weird, unsatisfying, G-spot-based half-orgasm that left me too frustrated to stop but too oversensitive to continue. (THE WORST!) As much as I wanted to love this toy, I just can’t recommend it to anyone – especially with its $100 price tag.

Sharing the Sexy #7

Kate Sloan

• Here’s the 7 dumbest myths about gay sex.

• Modern Family actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson is launching a company that sells stylish bowties to benefit pro-gay rights organizations. I don’t know about you, but I love being able to buy cute things and support my favorite causes at the same time!

• This dildo is apparently spiritually charged. Would you buy one?

• This theory of attraction purports to explain why we get into certain kinds of relationships with certain kinds of people.

• This headline is so ridiculous, it requires no commentary: Man Tries to Rape Raccoon, Gets His Penis Bitten Off.

• Got a vaginal infection you want to cure naturally? (I am so amused by the suggestion to put garlic in your vagina. I’ll definitely try this next time I get an infection…!)

• This guy’s penis inhaled a condom…?! “Basically you know when the tip goes inside out and inside your penis? That’s it.” Uh, no, I don’t know if I’ve seen that one before.

• I made a list of examples of how our society actively encourages women to suppress our sexuality. Can you think of any more?

• The Pervocracy writes about that age-old battle: vibrator vs. penis. My thoughts, as someone who owns a zillion vibrators and has a wonderful boyfriend with a wonderful cock? Both are satisfying. Both are immensely pleasurable. And both have their time and place in my life, absolutely.

• Feeling generous? A Steampunk’s Guide to Sex is taking Kickstarter donations.

• In sex-positive circles, we spend a lot of time discussing all the kinky and out-there things we’d like to try… but what don’t you want to do in bed? My list: scat (but I’d give watersports a shot), armpit-licking, group sex with four or more people, ass-to-mouth, and getting fucked with anything over 8 inches long (sorry, huge dudes!).

• This man cut off, cooked, and served his own penis. I’m speechless.

• In honor of Bi Visibility Day, Carrie wrote about being an out-and-proud bisexual. Hell yeah!

• Rush Limbaugh is seriously blaming small penises on feminists. What the fuck is wrong with this guy?