Review: Magic Banana

Kate Sloan

As a sex toy reviewer, one of the questions I get asked all the time is, “What’s the weirdest toy you’ve tried?” Up til now, I’ve typically told people it’s the Eroscillator (ridged bronze god that looks a bit like a medieval torture device) or the Pure Wand (large curved hunk of steel that my mom claims she could do bicep curls with) – but I think I have a new contender in my toybox: the Magic Banana.

This toy consists of a yellow resistance cord wrapped in a curved loop of “smooth, non-toxic, FDA-approved” tubing, and a black handle that seems to be made of hard plastic. I haven’t been able to find any concrete claims about the actual materials used, but the instruction manual only recommends water-based lube, so maybe there’s some silicone in there somewhere.

The Magic Banana is a kegel exerciser. That is its purpose, and it lives up to that label. What bugs me about this product is the incessant claims it makes about its purported other uses, none of which it does well.

For example, the Banana’s manual states repeatedly that it is curved to hit the G-spot. Yes, it’s curved. Yes, it brushes past my G-spot when I thrust it in and out. But it certainly doesn’t feel very stimulating, at least not in an erotic way. If I want to writhe with G-spot pleasure, I’ll use a toy that’s actually designed for it, not a kegel toy that thinks it can be sexy.

The Banana’s instruction manual is full of hilarity, but I particularly like this passage: “The Magic Banana expands your pleasure possibilities and can enable you to experience several types of orgasm at once. With practice, the Magic Banana can also help you experience full-body orgasm.” I take issue with this. There is no proof to back this up. Sure, doing regular kegel exercises will strengthen the PC muscles and make orgasms longer and stronger – but “several types of orgasm at once”? “Full-body orgasm”? I think not.

Continuing to read through the manual, though, I came across this: “The Magic Banana can be a great tool to enhance partner sex – especially when used with oral stimulation.” Yes! This is an idea I can get behind. Mainly because, when my boyfriend’s tongue is on my clit, pretty much anything in my vagina will feel good. We tried it out, and to my amazement, the Magic Banana is actually great for this purpose. It doesn’t slide out at all, unlike literally every other toy I own, and it’s fun to feel its resistance cord being squished by my vaginal muscles during orgasm.

I guess I have to talk about the toy’s primary purpose at some point, huh? As a kegel exerciser, the Magic Banana is decent. It doesn’t provide as much of a challenge as I was expecting, in terms of resistance, but it can certainly be felt when I squeeze around it. I think it would be best suited for someone who hasn’t quite figured out how to isolate their PC muscles yet, or hasn’t done much kegeling before. I have fairly fit vaginal muscles and wished I could upgrade to something harder to squeeze.

I’ve tried to use the Magic Banana to stimulate myself internally while masturbating clitorally, as the manual repeatedly suggests, but it just doesn’t feel that great. The tubing awkwardly pulls and stretches at my vaginal opening, and it’s all too easy to bump into my cervix with it on the way in. I inevitably get frustrated with it and switch it out for something more satisfying at some point.

I think I would’ve liked the Magic Banana a lot more if I hadn’t been told, over and over again, that it would be able to do everything for me. It doesn’t please my G-spot, it doesn’t enable me to have “several types of orgasm at once,” it doesn’t induce deeper sleep with better dreams (yes, the manual actually makes this ridiculous claim). It does, however, provide a small-to-medium amount of resistance for doing kegel exercises, and it stays put inside me during oral sex.

You’ll probably enjoy the Magic Banana if you’re looking for a fun new way to do kegels, or you like having people ask you questions about the strange-looking objects on your bedside table – but don’t expect any more than that from this toy, or you’ll be just as disappointed as me.

Review: Ttamage Large Smiley Dildo (vs. Njoy Pure Wand)

Kate Sloan

When Matthew of Ttamage offered me my choice of item to review, I combed through his entire shop looking for anything that caught my eye… and when I saw the Large Smiley Dildo (hereafter referred to as the LSD – ha!), I knew it was meant to be.

I actually mainly requested it because of its resemblance to the Njoy Pure Wand, a toy I’d been flagrantly lusting after. Little did I know, I’d soon become a proud Pure Wand owner – and the two dildos would arrive in my mailbox on the same day! Naturally, I had to immediately snap a photo (see above).

I spent the next several days testing out both dildos (my life is so hard, huh?). And I’ve determined that the LSD is a great Pure Wand alternative, for anyone who can’t shell out the $100+ or just doesn’t like the Wand’s heaviness.

As you can see from the photo, the two dildos share a very similar curve. I’m not sure if this was an intentional Njoy homage on Ttamage’s part, but either way, it’s brilliant. The LSD, like the PW, goes straight for my G-spot – and because glass is firm like steel, it can deliver the same amount of deliberate pressure, too. I don’t think my G-spot can really tell the difference between the two toys; it just knows it’s being deliciously pounded.

The LSD is quite big, as its name would imply: it’s eight inches from end to end (in a straight line, not measured along the curve). I can’t even fit half of it inside me. This means that it offers a larger “handle” in use. This, in addition to its much lighter weight, might make it a better choice than the Pure Wand for someone who has issues with mobility or whose wrists get tired easily. Thrusting and rocking the LSD is a walk in the park compared to manoeuvring the unwieldy Pure Wand.

At the same time, though, that weight does have its benefits. Many people find that it allows the PW to put additional delicious pressure on the G-spot. If you need that weight-driven momentum that only a steel toy can provide, the LSD isn’t going to be much of a substitute.

Now, let’s talk about balls. The Pure Wand’s big ball is 1 ½", and its small ball is 1". I find that the big is too big and the small is too small. The bigger side stimulates my G-spot beautifully when I do get it in, but it’s not always comfortable to insert or remove – and I certainly can’t remove it in a hurry, which I might need to do if/when I learn to squirt. The LSD’s knobs are both 1 ½" wide as well, but they have more of a tapered shape, which makes insertion and removal easier. One of the balls is pointier than the other, so you can have a bit of variety if you want it.

In terms of care and upkeep, these toys are about equal. Glass and steel are both nonporous, body-safe, boilable, bleachable, and soapable. This also means that lube goes a long way with both of these materials – they’re pretty drag-free. I find that steel retains heat for longer than glass, but that’s not particularly important to me; if you like temperature play, you might lean slightly towards the Pure Wand on that point.

At $45, the Large Smiley Dildo isn’t going to deplete your wallet nearly as much as the Pure Wand. It’s easier to wield, and easier to insert. It may not feel as luxurious, or bring the heftiness of steel to its performance, but it is a damn good dildo and I use it pretty much interchangeably with my beloved Pure Wand.

A zillion thank-yous to Matthew from Ttamage for sending me this stunning dildo to review! Check out his incredibly elegant, handmade glass dildos and massagers, and let him know I sent you!

My First Giveaway: Blossom Organics and Happy Valley!

Kate Sloan

I’ve been blogging here at Girly Juice for almost two months so far. I’ve come to really enjoy writing sex toy reviews and retellings of my own silly sexploits. And as a way of thanking those of you who take the time to read what I write, I’ve partnered up with two very generous and sexy companies – Blossom Organics and Happy Valley – to give away some items that I really believe in.

Blossom Organics (products provided by Sexy Living) makes a line of lubricants, gels, oils, and creams that are all designed by women and totally vagina-friendly. They are the creators of my all-time favorite lube, which stays on my bedside table at all times. Their products were originally introduced to me by Kim at Red Tent Sisters and I’ve never loved any other lube as much since. Up for grabs from Blossom: Natural Moisturizing Lubricant (best ever – it’s just viscous enough, pH-balanced and won’t give you yeasties or make your ladybits burn!), Warm Sensation Moisturizing Lubricant (same formulation as their original lube, but with some magically tingly ingredients), and Pure Pleasure Arousal Gel (some minty awesomeness to wake up your clit).

Happy Valley makes all their body-safe, silicone toys in their farmhouse in Peterborough, Ontario. Their Pleasure Plug #1 was my very first anal toy, and it’s still my butt’s favorite warm-up playmate to this day. Up for grabs from Happy Valley: two beautiful, vibe-compatible, silicone butt plugs – the Hero (4" long, 1 3/8" wide) and the Whirl (3 ½" long, 1 1/8" wide).

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Review: Maddie’s Dungeon paddle and flogger

Kate Sloan

I will admit, it is tricky for me, a fairly vanilla (though extremely sex-positive) person, to write a proper review on implements of kink. I’m very aware of the fact that my perspective is probably going to be different from that of the target audience of these products. But I will write this anyway, because Maddie’s Dungeon was nice enough to send me a couple of lovely handmade spanking tools, and I want to tell you about them.

Of the two items, the oak paddle is definitely my favorite. There’s nothing fancy about this paddle – it’s just a smoothly-cut piece of wood with an easy-to-hold handle and a removable wrist strap – but it serves as an excellent reminder of why simplicity is a good thing. It gets the job done.

I thought my first foray into being spanked with a paddle would be significantly more painful than just getting spanked with a hand, but the paddle doesn’t change the amount of pain – just the kind of pain. My boyfriend’s hand produces a thuddy, dull pound, whereas the oak paddle is much more sting-y. I like both sensations a lot, and they both transmit vibration into my pussy – yum.

My boyfriend had primarily two comments on his experience using the paddle: he wondered about the usefulness of the wrist strap (I’ve been using it to hang the paddle from my curtain rod for storage, but we haven’t found another use for it) and he liked that the paddle is wide enough that he can hit both my asscheeks at the same time.

The major flaw of this paddle is that the wood isn’t treated with varnish. Apparently it’s thinly coated in mineral oil, but this doesn’t do much in terms of smoothing it out. I’m slightly worried about splinters with this one – I think Maddie’s Dungeon could vastly improve their wooden goods by giving them a coating in wooden salad bowl finish, or something like NobEssence’s “Lubrosity.”

As for the leather flogger (I can’t find the exact same one in their shop, but this one is close enough) – I don’t like it as much. I guess that’s to be expected, given that I’ve barely stuck my toe into the ocean of kink… but it’s not just that. My boyfriend and I both feel that it’s not very sexy-looking, with its pale grey half-braided falls and its messily-wrapped handle.

The flogger does sting, though, as it should, and it’s easy to wield. I think we’ll mostly be sticking to the paddle, however, since it feels more intimate and the level of pain is easier to control – plus, I just think it looks cuter in my boyfriend’s hand.

Thanks very much to Maddie’s Dungeon for donating some of their beautiful wares for review! Check out their paddles, crops and floggers if you’re looking to explore your inner painslut.

Progress Report: G-Spot Orgasms

Kate Sloan

Last week, I bought Deborah Sundahl’s book on squirting, ordered a Pure Wand, and stacked up a couple of thick towels on my bed. It was time.

I’ve been interested in exploring my G-spot for years and years – pretty much ever since I realized I had a vagina – but I’ve never fully gotten around to it until now. I guess, like most women, I was discouraged by mainly three things:

1. The idea that it just wouldn’t work for me. I’ve been having clitoral orgasms since I was a kid and it’s hard to wrap my head around the idea that there could be a whole different kind of orgasm waiting for me to figure it out.

2. The “need to pee” feeling. It can be a very unsettling sensation, especially since clitoral pleasure is so straightforwardly pleasurable and G-spot stimulation isn’t always.

3. The time and energy required. I find G-spot play much more exhausting and time-consuming than clit play, mainly because my G-spot needs to be stimulated for a long time before it’ll swell up enough to become sensitive.

Yes, I’ve been resistant. Yes, I’ve been lazy. But all that is beginning to change.

My recent ponderings and explorations began a few weeks ago, when, during oral sex, my boyfriend slipped a finger inside me and began to feel around. This is common for us, but for some reason, on this particular day, my G-spot was very responsive. I moaned and writhed wildly as he stroked it. Eventually, the pleasure got so great that I pushed his head away to stop him from tonguing my clit – I wanted to focus on the G-spot stimulation alone.

Over the next 40 minutes or so, we experimented with my spot. There was plenty of lube, and very fast thrusting, and vigorous “come-hithering,” and lots and lots and lots of moaning. It was a pleasure unlike any I had ever felt during my own masturbatory adventures – I could never reach my spot like he could, nor could I rub it as firmly or speedily as he could. (My boyfriend attributes his dexterity to a lifetime of playing video games.)

When we paused to rest and re-hydrate, I reached inside myself with a couple of fingers and found that my G-spot was more swollen than I had ever felt it before. It was bulbous and ridgy and surprising. I was elated: new sexual territory to explore!

Since then, I’ve taken matters into my own hands. I’ve used various curved toys to hit the spot, thrusting faster than I thought my arms could handle – and that insane pleasure has returned on a few occasions. It’s deeper and really does feel like I’m stimulating the back end of my clitoris – a new angle on the orgasmic pleasure I’ve been experiencing all these years.

I still haven’t been able to orgasm from my G-spot alone, nor have I squirted (as far as I can tell), but it’s been very fun to try. I’m going to keep working on it and I’ll report back, if and when I become a multiorgasmic sex goddess with a deliciously swollen and satisfied G-spot.