Claustrophobic Closet Kisses

Kate Sloan

Over a year prior to my current boyfriend, there was another boy who I dated for a paltry three and a half weeks. Let’s call him R.

R was, like most of the people I’ve ever been attracted to, tall, skinny, and awkward. He made me laugh and smile with his earnest sweetness. He wore ridiculous running shoes with trailing laces and had a huge toothy grin which he flashed when he wasn’t sure what to say.

R was on the student council at my high school, so he had his own “office,” which was really just a repurposed storage closet. It was large enough to fit a desk, a chair, several posters, and his backpack. He basically used it as an oversized locker or a surrogate bedroom; it was always a mess.

Sometimes I would drop by when I knew he’d be there, during his spare period. I’d duck out of art class and creep down the hall to the door with his name on it, and knock, my stomach doing excited gymnastics.

A few of the times that I came to visit him, R and I got up to no good in his office. I’d sit on his desk, trying to be seductive, while he signed important administrative forms or drafted an essay… and eventually he’d notice me, put down his work, and start kissing me.

His desk was in the corner. I remember being pressed up against the wall, so I physically couldn’t move away from the kiss if I wanted to. R was an aggressive kisser, all sloppy-tongued and gropey-handed, which I tried unsuccessfully to convince myself I enjoyed.

I remember thinking, I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. My friends raved about kissing, how it was romantic and intimate and life-affirming, but I never felt that. There were no fireworks or orchestral swells. There was only a giant prodding tongue and nagging feelings of doubt and claustrophia.

Naturally, R and I broke up pretty quickly – we were not a good match. I barely missed him, but some effects of my time with him have lingered.

To this day, it still bothers me to be kissed when I’m trapped against a wall, or any other confining surface. My favorite kissing position is straddling my boyfriend while he’s sitting down, because that way, I feel in control, like I can retract consent at any time without making a huge deal of it.

Of course, it helps that my current boyfriend is an excellent kisser, knows that tongue should only ever be an accent, and doesn’t try to asphyxiate me with his mouth.

Review: Tantus Echo

Kate Sloan

When I first discovered Tantus, I quickly scampered onto their website and flicked through their pages upon pages of sex toys. Only a few items really jumped out at me as something I desperately wanted, and one of those items was the Echo. With those corkscrew-like ridges and bulbous head, it is a thing of beauty. So naturally, I snapped one up when I saw they were on sale.

Now, before I review the toy, a word of warning: I ordered my Echo direct from Tantus, and the one I ordered was white. However, they sent me a purple one. Color isn’t that important to me, especially if the toy is good, but this experience does make me mildly wary about ordering through Tantus’ website in future. I love you, Tantus, but other sex toy shops always get my order totally correct!

Truly, though, that’s one of the only bad things I can say about this toy… and of course, the color mix-up isn’t the toy’s fault!

As usual, Tantus has knocked it out of the park in terms of material quality. Their silicone is easy to clean and care for, and has lovely little swirls of lighter and darker colors, almost like wood’s grain. The only negative aspect of Tantus’ silicone formulation is that it collects way more lint than any of my other toys; I feel the need to rinse off the Echo before every single use, which is not always convenient.

While I’ve appreciated the craftsmanship and beauty of my other Tantus dildos, they weren’t always a great fit with my anatomy. I found the Flurry O2 too ridgy in the head, and too straight and boring in the shaft, plus it ate lube. I love my Adam O2, but it’s too girthy for me to use on a regular basis; I need to be warmed up and extremely relaxed before my pussy will allow it to enter.

The Echo, however, works much, much better for me. Part of it is that the silicone is very squishy, way more pliable than I was expecting – I can easily bend the toy into a 90-degree angle. This squishiness isn’t always a good thing – I’ll discuss that more later – but in terms of vaginal comfort, it’s definitely a plus for me. The Echo’s design is also fantastic in that the head is the widest part of it, at 1 ½”, and the shaft gets skinnier – so while I sometimes experience mild discomfort when initially inserting the Echo, it quickly goes away as my vagina takes in more of the toy.

The Echo has a flat, circular base which would seem to indicate that it can be used in a harness or for anal play, but I wouldn’t recommend it for either. As I said before, the silicone is very pliable – to the point that the base and lower shaft feel almost flimsy. This is especially true because of the cavity in the bottom that’s made to hold a bullet vibe. I wouldn’t trust the Echo to stand up straight in a harness or to avoid being sucked up into a butt… or even to be easy to thrust quickly, which it isn’t. Despite the fact that its base looks big, it’s just not up to the task.

As for the bullet vibe – I dunno. It’s okay. When it arrived, its watch batteries were already loaded into it, which made me wonder if it’s safe to do that (don’t they tell you to always remove vibrator batteries between uses, to avoid corrosion?). The bullet slides easily into the hole at the bottom of the Echo when lubed a little, and while it’s strong for a bullet, I don’t find that the vibrations add anything to my experience. (The bullet’s presence does, however, make the Echo’s base slightly more substantial-feeling and thus easier to hold onto.)

The Echo’s ridges are perfect. I’m normally not a fan of ridges, particularly ones that are packed close together and intense, but the ones on the Echo are fairly spread out and feel similar to the coronal ridge on a penis – i.e. not overstimulating, just nice. I used to classify myself as someone who just doesn’t enjoy ridges on dildos, but I think I have to give up that label now, because the Echo feels just grand in my pussy. And only one side of the Echo is ridged, so if I’m ever having a particularly texture-sensitive day, I know I can just turn it the other way for a smoother surface.

Also: its head is magical. Maybe it’s because it’s so big and rounded, or maybe it’s the soft silicone, or maybe it’s both, but the Echo’s head never hurts my sensitive cervix – instead, it strokes it, creating that divine anterior fornix stimulation that I thought only my boyfriend’s penis could adequately achieve. I can thrust the Echo deeper than I can insert any other dildo I own, and my pleasure-starved cervix and fornices enthusiastically thank Tantus for that.

Overall, I’m very, very pleased with my purchase. The Tantus Echo has some design issues that detract slightly from its perfection, but it hits all the right spots, feels comfortable in my smaller-than-average pussy, and is of the high quality I’ve come to expect from Tantus. If this dildo was a person, I’d buy it a bouquet of daisies, stare at its ripply muscles, and start to fall in love.

Ask Girly Juice: Beginners’ G-Spotting Toys

Kate Sloan

Anonymous asked: What toy can you recommend for a G-spot beginner?

Hi, Anonymous! Welcome to the marvelous, messy world of G-spot adventuring.

When I read your question, the toy that immediately jumped to mind for me was the Amethyst. It’s the first toy I owned that really hit my G-spot, and could put a lot of pressure on it. And it’s glass, so it’s relatively inexpensive and very easy to care for.

You could also have a look at the Lelo Ella, a beautiful silicone dildo with a flat head that rubs the G-spot. I found that it couldn’t apply as much pressure as I like, because the neck of the toy has some flex to it, but some people swear by Ella.

If you’ve got a bigger budget, I can’t recommend the Njoy Pure Wand highly enough. It’s a better G-spot stimulator than any of the toys mentioned above, but of course, it’s quite a bit pricier because it’s made of medical-grade stainless steel.

If you think your G-spot would like vibration, I hear good things about the Gigi, and I absolutely love my Mona. Both are Lelo toys, so they’re rechargeable and high-quality. It might help you to first identify whether your G-spot is fairly shallow (Gigi) or deeper (Mona) so you’ll know which size of toy would work better.

Hope that helps! Have fun playing with your new toy(s)!

Got a question about sex or sex toys? Click here to submit it!

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Rub My Own Clit, Dammit!

Kate Sloan

I’ve understood, for as long as I can remember, that the clitoris is the main source of female sexual pleasure. There’s never been any doubt of this in my mind. I’ve been having clitoral orgasms since I was nine years old, and it’s only in the past few years that penetration has even been included in my masturbation at all. I completely understand, and have for a long time, that penetration, by itself, typically doesn’t do a whole lot for me.

However, despite all this, I still felt shitty and inadequate when I had heterosexual intercourse for the first time and got nothing out of it.

I think a lot of women probably react this way. Whether you’ve mastered your clit or never even heard of it, it can be a massive letdown to realize that this one sexual act, which our culture has placed on a giant pedestal, isn’t the ultimate bringer of pleasure. It sucks to think something’s going to blow your mind and then find it disappointing – not only because of that disappointment, but also because it makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you.

(Yes, I know there’s nothing wrong with me; I’m perfectly normal. I’m one of the 75% of women who can’t, as yet, orgasm from penetration alone. Didn’t stop me from feeling like a failure when I lost my hetero virginity.)

A few weeks after we first fucked, my boyfriend and I had a chat about our sexual goals. I had a bunch of random ones, comprising all kinds of stuff from butt plugs to back alleys, but my man had only one item on his sexual to-do list: he wanted me to reach orgasm while he was inside me. Not necessarily from his penis alone (he’s very clued-in and knows how unlikely that would be), but an orgasm nonetheless. And because he asked so sweetly, and wanted it so sincerely, I knew I had to figure out a way.

I did a bunch of research, came up with ideas, and made notes. I read about the Coital Alignment Technique and the anterior fornix. But eventually, I came to the conclusion that these fancy methods and positions were too complicated for us to tackle as beginners, and I would have to keep it simple. I would have to rub my own clit during sex.

The idea of that was intimidating. I didn’t want him to see my weird orgasmic faces up close, or to get annoyed at me for taking too long to come. But he seemed enthused about my suggestion, so we gave it a shot.

We determined that, because he takes far less time to reach orgasm than I do, we’d have to commit to lots of foreplay to get me super turned on, to help bridge that gap. He went down on me (my boyfriend is a self-professed “cunnilingus king”) until I could feel the stirrings of an orgasm building in my pelvis, and then, already hard and condom’ed, he slid into me.

I touched myself. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see him looking. I turned my head to the side so he couldn’t see my expressions. I focused really hard on the sensations in my clit, trying to ignore the distraction of his penis. And after several difficult but pleasurable minutes, I came. Hard.

Immediately, I burst out laughing and shouted, “We did it!” He laughed too, and held me for a few moments, both of us revelling, before continuing to fuck me.

Over the next few weeks, we practiced a lot more. It got to the point where his cock was no longer a distraction, but instead, an addition, an asset, a huge help.

To this day, this is still the method we use to ensure intercourse is satisfying for both of us, because we both find it fun and easy. It may not be as interesting as the C.A.T., but it works for us, and I don’t feel ashamed of it anymore.

I guess I wrote this for all those women who worry that it’s “weird” to touch themselves during sex – that it’s insulting to their partner, that it’ll look strange, that they shouldn’t have to add anything “extra” to sex. Because the thing is, our anatomy is built oddly, and many of us need that additional stimulation. If it feels tacked-on initially, give it time; it won’t be long before it starts to seem just as natural as a penis in a vagina.

Sex Toy Wishlist #2

Kate Sloan

Since I last showed you my sex toy wishlist, I’ve acquired a few of the items – yay! Here are some more toys I’m lusting after…

1. Pipedream Metal Worx Mr. Smooth – While not exactly Njoy quality, the Metal Worx toys look pretty tempting. My vagina is calling Mr. Smooth’s name.

2. NobEssence Fling – I am determined to try a NobEssence toy, and I want it to be this one. Seriously, look at that bulbous head. My G-spot tingles just looking at it.

3. Hitachi Magic Wand – It’s a classic. I feel like I won’t be able to consider myself a true sex toy connoisseur until I own one of these… even if it just ends up gathering dust in my toy drawers.

4. Jopen Vanity Vr6 – This isn’t the rabbit vibrator of my dreams, because its shaft doesn’t twirl around in a G-spot-pleasing fashion. However, I still want it. Badly.

5. Vixen Creations Spur – I haven’t yet gotten the opportunity to try a VixSkin toy. After a long search last night, I think I’ve found the one for me. I have a pretty tiny vagina, but I think it can handle the slim little Spur.

6. Tantus O2 Cush – I already know I adore Tantus’ O2 dual-density silicone toys. This one has a fabulous-looking ridge right where my G-spot would be, and though it’s a bit girthier than I’d like, I think we could be besties.

What’s on your sex toy wishlist?