Ask Girly Juice: How to Prepare for Losing Your Virginity

Kate Sloan

Anonymous asked: I love my boyfriend. We’ve been together for several months now. We’re both virgins, and we both want to eventually have sex with each other – but I’m scared and not sure what to expect. How can I prepare myself, emotionally and physically?

Kudos, Anonymous! Few young people give their “first time” the attention and preparation it deserves, and that’s why so many people report lacklustre experiences. Your eagerness to get educated will definitely bode well for you in the bedroom!

First, it’s important to learn about making sex safe. The best way is to talk to your doctor about your options, if you feel comfortable doing that – and if you don’t, you should switch doctors!

If you’re planning on going on hormonal birth control, get a prescription for that from your doctor (or a contraceptive clinic in your city, which you can find by Googling). You’ll generally be instructed to take the first one on the first day of your next period. After that, it will take about a week to kick in. Make sure you give yourself enough time for all this to happen; don’t rush into anything.

Buy some condoms, or acquire some at birth control clinics where they’re often distributed for free. Basic, normal, lubricated ones are probably your best bet for now. Once you’re comfortable having sex, you can explore other options –there’s a whole world of fancy condoms out there!

Have a look through a sex ed website geared toward young people, like Scarleteen.com, or SexIsFun.net’s Teen Site, or a good sex guidebook, like Sex Is Fun: Creative Ideas for Exciting Sex or The Guide to Getting It On. Thoroughly read any parts that you think might be useful for you. Take notes, if you’d like. Tell your boyfriend about anything interesting or unexpected that you come across, whether it’s something you definitely want to try or desperately want to avoid.

Talk to your boyfriend! Communication is the most important element of a healthy sexual relationship. Discuss what your expectations are. Set your boundaries. Make sure that he will stop or slow down immediately if you tell him to do so. I doubt I even need to tell you this, but never, ever have sex with someone you don’t trust to stop if you tell them to.

Get to know yourself sexually, if you haven’t already. This means: masturbate, and learn about your own sexual response. If you’re comfortable with your anatomy and the way you respond to sexual stimulation, you will be leaps and bounds more confident in the bedroom. Check out an online sex shop if you’re in need of some mechanical assistance.

It’s very important that you be well-lubricated when you have sex. This is especially true when it’s your first time, because wetness will lessen any pain significantly. Don’t just jump right into it; start with a lot of foreplay so you’ll be very warmed up by the time you get to the actual penetration. If you don’t have much natural wetness, use a water-based lubricant. Put it around your vaginal opening and all over the head of his penis, over the condom.

When it’s time, try to relax. Have a towel or something similar underneath you incase there’s blood, or other messy fluids. Depending on the size and state of your hymen, you might experience a lot of pain or none at all; be prepared for either, but try not to be too nervous. If you love and trust your boyfriend, and you know that he loves and respects you, you should feel confident that you can have him stop at any time, and that knowledge ought to help relax you.

Don’t expect your first time to be awesome. Most aren’t. However, you already have an advantage that a lot of people don’t: you’re going to lose your virginity to someone you trust.

If you don’t adore sex right away, don’t sweat it. As with most things, it gets better with practice. As sex guru Dr. Sue Johanson says, “Sex is perfectly natural, but not naturally perfect.”

Pocket-Sized Porn Reviews: Anchorman XXX, Sex and Submission

Kate Sloan

The boyfriend and I sat down to watch the first disc of Anchorman XXX together because we’re both huge Anchorman fans. We’re those annoying folks who will quote Anchorman whenever any of its many well-known lines are even slightly relevant. I thought we would find the XXX version highly amusing; my boyfriend thought we would hate it – and we were both right.

Anchorman itself has a mood and voice that translate easily to porn, making this film seem oddly in tune with the original. The actors are porn stars, so even calling them “actors” is generous – but, to their credit, they mostly stay in character (I loved Jack Lawrence’s highly affected moaning as Ron Burgundy, ever sleazy and charismatic even right after ejaculating).

What killed this movie for us was the women. They’re overly bouncy, blonde, and chipper. They’re too young to be playing these roles (Christina Applegate was 33 when she played Veronica Corningstone; Tasha Reign was 22 when portraying the same character). And they don’t seem to have any real orgasms, just letting out never-ending repetitive shrieks and moans. My man and I agreed that we didn’t find the sex scenes arousing at all, just occasionally funny.

Not too long ago, I was scrolling through my porn folder, trying to find something to get me hot so I could test out a dildo to review, and I noticed this episode of Sex and Submission. It stars James Deen and Megan Murray. I’ve actually never seen any Sex and Submission stuff before this, nor have I really seen much super-kinky porn, so it was cool to delve into it with something so high-quality.

Deen is terrific, as always. I’m used to seeing him adoring women, treating them right, and giving them what they want, but he’s just as hot when he’s flogging his “personal whore” and shouting at her to keep her mouth open wide. Despite his reputation as a very female-friendly porn star, he also makes an incredibly convincing and sexy dom.

I’m not terribly into the pain stuff, but the bondage was hot, and so was Megan’s complete and utter submission. I appreciated that there are little interviews, one at the beginning and one at the end, in which James asks Megan questions about what kind of rough sex she likes, what kind of pain she’s up for, and (after the scene) why the flogging made her cry. These interviews added an element of “yes, this is definitely 100% consensual” which set my feminist heart at ease and allowed me to enjoy the action.

Review: SSA Glass Amethyst

Kate Sloan

The Amethyst has been on my wishlist for a long time. I could tell you I wanted it because it’s made of smooth, nonporous pyrex glass, or because of its G-spotting abilities… but honestly, the reason I wanted it is that it comes in a gorgeous, rich shade of royal blue – my favorite color in the world.

Okay, maybe that’s not the best justification for buying sex toys – but that’s okay, because this dildo turned out to be wonderful, despite the lack of sound reasoning that went into me requesting it.

Confession time: I’m something of a G-spotting beginner. Sure, I’ve tried the Ella, and doggie-style is my favorite position because of what it does to my insides, and I’ve had my boyfriend reduce me to a puddle of moaning bliss by forcefully rubbing my spot with his lube-drenched fingers… but somehow, I still feel like a total novice in this area. I can’t always accurately locate my own spot, and even with a partner, I find it very difficult to relax into the weird, new, sometimes uncomfortably intense sensations of G-spot play. Sometimes it feels like I’m approaching an orgasmic breakthrough, but then I get nervous that I’m going to pee on the sheets, so I freak out and tense up. Bummer.

Everyone tells me that I just need to relax, and put those worries out of my mind. And I figure the best way to do that is to do it alone. I’m certainly not going to judge me if I pee all over myself.

But back to the Amethyst… It’s gorgeous. Initially I thought it looked remarkably small, but of course, it’s not meant to be a filling fuck. It comes packaged in a red velvet pouch, perfect for storage.

The Amethyst is a dead ringer for the much-lauded Don Wands Bent Graduate – same shape, roughly the same size. Its G-spotting end, which I thought looked too curved and pointy-headed to possibly be comfortable (let alone pleasurable), actually slides right into me and locates my spot immediately. It’s disarmingly good at homing in on where it’s supposed to go.

The other end, just a series of ripples, feels very nice too, but I already have a dildo that’s almost identical to this side, so I didn’t find it especially exciting. It’s just enough yummy texture to be good for warm-up, but it can’t provide the G-spot pressure I crave when I get into the higher stages of arousal.

For me, at least, glass is a perfect material for a G-spotting toy. It’s firm and unyielding, so it can really press hard, unlike Ella. It’s completely nonporous, so any lube you use on it (water- or silicone-based) is going to work like a charm and make it ultra-slippery. It’s easy to sanitize, via boiling, antibacterial soap and water, or a 10% bleach rubdown. Plus, glass is just beautiful in a way that other toys can’t replicate.

I was definitely tempted to try out this toy anally, but the fact is, it’s not made for that. It doesn’t have a flared base, and because it’s so slippery, it would be easy to get it lost up there. But when even my ass is lusting for something, you know it’s a pretty hot toy.

I still haven’t been able to have G-spot orgasms or squirt, but this is the toy that’s brought me closest. It cups my spot, presses hard, is easy to thrust… It’s a G-spotter’s wet dream. I’ve had a few clitoral orgasms while using the Amethyst to squeeze and tease my G-spot, and it adds an extra layer of intensity to the experience.

I’d definitely recommend the Amethyst to someone who, like me, sometimes has trouble locating their G-spot, and/or just wants to apply a decent amount of pressure to it. It’s a toy that’s easy to care for, does its job well, looks great, and leaves me satisfied.

10 Juicy Challenges for Masturbation Month

Kate Sloan

Yes, it’s finally here! May is Masturbation Month. Pull out your bullets and eggs. Plug in your Hitachi. Lube up your dildo. Get ready to come! And if you feel like mixing up your routine, here are some ways you can challenge yourself to masturbate better, stronger, faster. I’ll certainly be trying these out and I hope you will too! Feel free to report back in the comments section.

1. Switch up your timing. Are you a let’s-get-‘er-done masturbator? If so, take the time to tease yourself up to a long, slow climax. Alternatively, if you’re already slow at jerkin’ it, try to break your personal record. Can you get off in under five minutes? How about one minute?

2. Switch up your stimulus. Whatever you use to “warm yourself up,” whether it be porn, erotica, light teasing touches, or nothing at all, I want you to try out a new method that you’ve barely dabbled in before. See how it affects your sexual response.

3. Switch up your tools. If you are a vibrator-only type of gal, I want you to work at using your fingers to get yourself off this month! Also consider trying out completely new-to-you textures and materials – a ribbed glass dildo, a clit pump, an oscillating massager, whatever works! Never tried a sex toy before? Now is the time!

4. Switch up your location. Get out of bed, ditch your computer chair, and go find a spot that’s a little more challenging. I’m not suggesting you whip it out in front of a crowd of schoolchildren, but maybe you could get busy with yourself on a rooftop, in a friend’s bathroom, in a sketchy porn shop viewing booth, or up in a tree. The possibilities are endless. And hey, if you’ve never masturbated in the bath before, try it, it’s great.

5. Switch up your method. That one technique that works for you and gets you off every time? Throw it out the window for a little while. See if you can find something that works just as well. MyMasturbation.com has zillions of techniques listed, if you’re at a loss!

6. Switch up your thinking. Do you think of masturbation as strictly utilitarian, like I (sometimes) do? Maybe start viewing it as a way of honouring your body for all that it does for you. Or as a way of thanking the universe for giving you the ability to feel pleasure. Or as a way to be self-sufficient and to not need anyone else to turn your crank for you.

7. Switch up your audience. Is your teddy bear the only one who gets to see you jerk off? Maybe you should do something about that. Cam4 and similar sites can feel a bit off-putting at first, because of the hordes of voyeuristic straight guys who will shout commands at you… but if you just ignore them and put on a show (which doesn’t have to feature your face at all), you may find that you enjoy playing to a crowd.

8. Switch up your fantasies. If you’re not sure where to start with this one, I highly recommend picking up a book of kinky erotica – they’re full of fresh ideas. You could also just pick a celebrity you find extremely sexy and imagine them fucking you in a variety of creative ways…

9. Switch up your inhibitions. I want you to talk to at least one person about masturbation this month – one person you’ve never spoken to about this subject before. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and the more we open up about it like it’s nothing, the more it’ll start to feel that way for everyone. Even if you just tell a new friend about a nifty sex toy you saw online, that’s still a step in the right (sex-positive) direction!

10. Switch up your orgasms. Ever tried to have multiple orgasms? How about a G-spot orgasm? Squirting? Prostate play (if you’re a fella)? Ever wondered if you can come from extended nipple stimulation? Or from squeezing your thighs together? Or from thought alone? There are so many ways to orgasm, and most of us limit ourselves to only one or two orgasmic avenues. Branch out!

Readers: How will you be challenging your masturbatory habits this month? Let us know how it goes!

What’s Changed Since I Started Reviewing Sex Toys?

Kate Sloan

I’ve been blogging about sex toys for over a month now. I started out writing about toys I already had, moved on to receiving free items to review, and now I’m blogging for Sex Toys Canada and reviewing for a few different sites. I’m surprised at how quickly this project has taken off for me, and how much fun I’ve had so far, even with only a month of work under my belt.

I’ve noticed myself changing already, though – for the better. Here are a few of the differences I’ve spotted in myself since I got started on this road of vibrator-touting.

1. I use lube now. I was always one of those girls who figured my natural lubrication would be enough. It was only when I started reading other reviewers’ work that I realized how many other people insist on always using lube when they masturbate. I’m now a staunch supporter of smearing my beloved Blossom Organics on any toy that’s going into me, and it has improved the experience more than I would’ve thought.

2. I actually like porn now. Prior to reading other sex blogs, I wasn’t terribly aware of the “alt porn” scene. I had no idea who James Deen, Danny Wylde, Belladonna, and Dylan Ryan were. I thought most porn was bound to be gross airbrushed shit, with fake-looking orgasms and tons of female degradation. But then I started watching stuff like Sexing the Transman XXX and Dylan and Danny Extra Credit, and I realized that porn can be real and extremely hot. Now I’m an avid alt porn consumer, and it has changed the way I experience solo sex.

3. I truly enjoy using toys. I used to sort of view sex toys as a means to an end – whatever made me come the fastest was a winner. But reviewing has forced me to step back and enjoy the journey as well, since that’s mainly what I’m reporting on when I write about a toy. I notice little details – textures, intensities, shapes – more than ever. It’s like an exercise in meditative masturbation.

4. I care about what I put into my orifices. I know that jelly toys are evil, so I haven’t used my jelly rabbit at all since I started reviewing, and I plan on replacing it with an elastomer version as soon as I can. I’m also very careful about keeping glycerin-laden lubes away from my junk… not to mention, I stay the fuck away from anal toys that don’t have a flared base.

5. I’m learning what I like. I already knew what I need from a partner; now I’m coming to understand what I need from a toy. I don’t enjoy internal vibrations. I can’t take more than seven inches before bumping into my cervix. I love the way glass feels inside me. My G-spot responds best to firm, rhythmic pressure. I need to rub vibrators against myself in order to get off. I don’t care if a toy is loud as long as it works. And I cherish being able to receive oral sex while a large, firm toy is buried inside me. Being sure of what I want is one of the best gifts I could give to myself, as it helps with every facet of my sexuality.

I’m looking forward to more adventures in the world of sex toy reviewing. For now, I’m just beginning my journey, and it’s been an outrageous amount of fun so far.