Review: Lelo Ella

Kate Sloan

Prior to buying Ella, my sex toy collection contained only one dildo. One. It’s rippled and made of glass, and while it’s not terribly exciting, I’ve never really wanted for more until recently.

It was Epiphora’s review that made me want Ella with a rabid, raging lust. ‘Piph tells a tale of G-spot glory, of her first non-clitoral orgasm, and ultimately of squirting. As someone who has only ever been able to come clitorally, and without waterworks, I knew I needed to try this toy.

Lelo’s packaging is, as always, a triumph. My all-white Ella came in a matching white slip-box, which contained Lelo’s signature thick black monogrammed cardboard box. I have five Lelos now (I know, I know, somebody stop me) and those boxes sure look gorgeous when they’re all stacked up. They’re like the sex toy equivalent of a set of elegant encyclopedias on the shelf.

My first impression, upon opening said box, was that the Ella is smaller than I expected. It’s made for G-spotting enthusiasts, not size queens – so if you crave fullness, this is not the toy for you.

Now, onto the good stuff… Jacking off with Ella is a joy. With a dollop of water-based lube (don’t use silicone on silicone!), even that awkward-looking G-spotting end slides right in. And once it’s in, it goes right for its goal: the G-spot. Depending on your anatomy, you may find that you need to push the toy in a little deeper or pull it out a little bit to help it find your spot – but mine can be found by Ella right away, like magic.

I like this toy a lot, but even as the G-spotting novice that I am, I can tell that it doesn’t do its job perfectly, although it does do it quite well. Ella’s made of 100% silicone – a blessing in terms of safety and hygiene, but not so great if you want something firm. The toy’s body is hard and practically unyielding, but the neck has some give to it, which makes it difficult to put a lot of pressure on the G-spot. It’s certainly easier to apply pressure with Ella than it was with my fingers, or my curveless glass dildo, but it’s not as easy as it would be with a completely rigid toy.

Still, there are other times when the silicone feels too hard. Ella hits my G-spot so nicely that it makes me want to thrust much faster, and when I do that, the toy’s pointy end sometimes jabs into my cervix, momentarily killing the mood. This is okay – I’ve learned to avoid thrusting Ella too deeply – but it does give the toy a learning curve and a risk of pain that some may not like.

But overall, the silicone formulation is pretty awesome. I’ve used the Ella several times while on my period, with it ending up covered in reddish-brownish stains, and all of the blood washed right off with soap and hot water. No stains. No discoloration. Nada. Bravo, Lelo!

So while Ella certainly does the trick, and can add some decent G-spot pressure to my clitoral orgasms, I don’t think it has the power to make me come all by itself. I’ll keep trying, but I think I’ll have to wait until I get my hands on a Pure Wand before I’ll be able to fairly judge my own orgasmic capacity.

Things I Learned From My Friend With Benefits

Kate Sloan

When I was fifteen years old, I came out as bisexual. A lot of shit went down – I came out on Facebook, I got hit on by random queer schoolmates who came out of the woodwork, I had my first girlfriend (NBD, we only dated for a month), I attended my first Pride Parade… but maybe the most interesting thing that happened was that my female friend fell in love with me.

She was actually in love with me before we really became friends. She watched from afar, using social media and secondhand gossip as her telescope – and then we started talking, and then we became close. And then, eventually, we began a sexual relationship that would last a year and a half.

I’m not going to lie to you: it was weird. She loved me; I had no feelings for her beyond a friendly fondness. She worshipped my body; I thought she was kinda cute. She put her heart and soul into making love to me; I enjoyed our regular fucks. There’s a lot about that relationship that makes me feel kind of shitty in retrospect, but all the same, I’m very glad it happened, because it taught me most of what I know about the practical applications of sex.

1. Communication is hard. I grew up listening to Sex is Fun and Open Source Sex, so I knew how important it is to communicate with your sexual partner… but I guess I never realized how embarrassing and vulnerable it can be, until I actually had to do it. Even knowing that my partner was deadset on me and wouldn’t leave no matter what I said or did, it was still difficult for me to form basic sentences like “Could you lick a little harder?” Now, I have a lot more respect and understanding for people who get nervous about asking for what they want. There’s still no excuse for not stepping up to that responsibility, but I get it: it’s tough.

2. I love cunnilingus. Really, I do. It’s perfect and beautiful. It’s intimate and hot. It’s smooth and wet and tangy. It can be about dominance or submission or neither or both. I used to watch cunnilingus porn exclusively, thinking maybe my obsession would get diluted a little when I started having Real-Life Sex, and it did, a bit, but not really.

3. Sexual equality doesn’t always appear equal. This girl, she loved giving head. She could literally orgasm just from going down on me. She was way more of a giver than a receiver – and as I’m more on the receiver side of the spectrum, this worked for us. But at the same time, our friends viewed our connection from the outside and worried that we weren’t practicing equality. I see why they would wonder about that, but what they didn’t understand was that sexual equality isn’t about making sure each person gets the exact same treatment – it means making sure that each person gets exactly the same amount of what they really want. And we had that.

4. I love my body. If there’s one thing that can quell adolescent body image problems, it’s an adamant lover. Having someone obsess over the parts of you that you hate the most is indescribably wonderful. I frequently suffered spells of emotion when my lady-lover would say things like, “Please don’t talk about losing weight. You’re perfect the way you are.” Sometimes I think I’d still be insecure today, if not for that fateful tryst.

5. Friends-with-benefits situations can work… if handled properly. We always talked about our feelings. We always confessed if we were feeling jealous or smothered or neglected. We always told each other “where we were at,” even when that was scary or potentially hurtful. And we made our decisions accordingly, like when to take a break from each other, when to spend more time together, who to tell about us and who to keep in the dark. As a result, we both felt heard and respected, even if that sometimes meant getting our feelings bruised a little. I think that’s why we lasted so long.

6. Lesbian sex is great. Yup, the rumours are true – girly bodies, brought together in sexual union, are hot. But the thing is, good sex is good sex, regardless of gender. I learned that later, when I dated a guy. If your partner is enthusiastic, communicative, adventurous, and kind, the sex will be good, no matter who has what anatomy.

I learned so much from my teenage FWB. How to talk about sex, how to negotiate boundaries, how to enjoy my body with someone else’s. So even though our relationship ended on a sour note, I wouldn’t take it back – it formed the basis of all the awesome sex I’m having nowadays and will have for the rest of my days.

Review: ID Frutopia mango-flavoured lube

Kate Sloan

Flavoured lubricant has never particularly excited me. Maybe it’s because, the second time I ever had sex with anyone, my then-girlfriend thoroughly doused both our vulvae in blueberry cheesecake-flavoured lube just for fun, resulting in a giggly and unsatisfying scissoring session. I’ve since tried a few other kinds and have never found them all that thrilling. But I can honestly say that ID’s “mango passion”-flavoured offering has completely changed my mind about what flavoured lubes can do.

Before “taking it for a spin,” my boyfriend and I both tasted the ID lube on our fingers and agreed that it is totally delicious. It really does taste like what it’s supposed to taste like – not a watered-down, medicinal version of that flavor. I practically wanted to drink the stuff out of the bottle, so I was excited to see how it would perform on my man’s already-yummy cock.

I squeezed out a few pumps of mango goodness onto his shaft. (The pump bottle dispenses a pretty perfect amount of fluid each time, without squirting or clogging – victory!) I immediately noticed that this lube’s scent carries a fair distance – I could smell mango from arm’s length, an appetizing fragrance that made me want to dive right in.

A lot of flavoured lubes fail when blended with the natural taste of genitalia, but this one is just fine in that respect. Warmed up by my man’s skin, ID tastes like a rich mango liqueur. It sweetens and partially masks some flavours that are occasionally less than sweet, like pre-cum, “balls musk,” and even semen.

The simple fact is, this lube does what a flavoured lube should do – it makes a lover’s junk into candy. And that, of course, translates into increased enthusiasm from the partner giving oral. Everyone wins! My boyfriend can confirm that the BJs I’ve given using this mango deliciousness have been some of my best performances, leading to hot, spurty, convulse-y orgasms on his part.

Still, though, ID’s lube isn’t flawless. It gets gummy within two or three minutes if left alone – this is common for water-based lubes – but can be revitalized with a little moisture (which, trust me, you’ll be licking it a lot, so this won’t be a problem for most people). It also tends to get really sticky and doesn’t wipe off easily – I have to go wash my hands after finishing up, when my boyfriend really just wants to cuddle with me. The mango scent lingers on my hands even after washing, which may be a pro or a con for you, depending on how you feel about having fruity fingers.

Because this lube contains glycerin, I don’t recommend that anyone put it on their vulva, for oral sex, penetration, or otherwise, as glycerin can lead to nasty yeast infections for those of us who are susceptible to them. However, us ladyfolk can still reap the benefits of this lube by smearing it on our nipples and commanding someone to lick it off, which I’m sure they’ll be delighted to do.

ID’s Frutopia collection contains several other flavours, including banana, raspberry, strawberry, and watermelon. It’s a great addition to foreplay, making your sexytimes even more pleasing to the palate!

Thanks so much to Sex Toys Canada for making my sex life sweeter!

Top 10 Songs to Ironically Have Sex To

Kate Sloan

I’ll be the first to admit that my taste in music is somewhat dorky. Not all of it is cringeworthy, but it’s been enough to make my lovers lift their heads from between my thighs to say, “Why are we listening to this?” I can’t help it – I love a good, sexy jam. So I’ve collected my ten favorites here, in the hopes that I can introduce you to a track that’ll take your sex life from good to groooovaaaay.

1. Usher – Twork It Out. This song makes Usher sound like the world’s most epic lover, as these R&B slowjams tend to do. And of course, the song is interspersed with occasional female moans of ecstacy. Now that I’ve got you all soaking wet, I’ll bet you know what’s coming next… You.

2. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Eruption. Gotta love a good euphemism for orgasm. This, again, is a song that mostly consists of male sexual braggery… but it’s kinda hot. I’m gonna take my time; she gon’ get hers before I.

3. Marvin Gaye – Let’s Get It On. On a list like this, there’s no way to avoid this classic lovemakin’ anthem. It’s sweet and adoring and pleading and honest. There’s nothin’ wrong with me loving you – and giving yourself to me can never be wrong, if the love is true.

4. Maroon 5 – Secret. I remember reading in some gross teen magazine that Ashlee Simpson thinks of this as the world’s sexiest song. I can’t disagree – it’s about straight-up sexual desire, and has that kind of groove that makes you want to grind on someone. I know I don’t know you, but I want you so bad.

5. Rihanna ft. Drake – What’s My Name? This is a song about cunnilingus. It’s about a woman demanding that a man prove himself to her via his sexual prowess. And it makes me want to sit on a sub fella’s face. Hey boy, I really wanna see if you can go downtown with a girl like me… I need a boy to take it over, looking for a guy to put in work.

6. Daniel Bedingfield – Without the Girl. This song really has nothing to do with sex (unless you count the subtext of unrequited love, which is sexual frustration and masturbation), but it has that “I could fuck to this” sound, so it made the list. She is my sunshine, but her heart belongs to another man.

7. Christina Aguilera – Loving Me For Me. (I know, I know. Don’t hate me.) “Xtina” has other songs which are more sex-centric than this one, but it’s still this one that I used to jerk off to, before I discovered porn… because this is a song about a comfortable relationship that happens to include great sex, and that’s hot. Your lips, your eyes, your smile, your kiss, I must admit, it’s a part of me… You please me, completely, filling me, like a melody.

8. O-Town – Sexiest Woman Alive. Genuine compliments will always be sexy. And the ensuing confidence will always be sexy. Ladies, if you need a pre-sex “get-pumped” song to make you feel like a bombshell, this might be it. When you walk into a room, the first reaction’s “Ooh” – every guy around just wants to sweat ya.

9. Lovage – Sex (I’m A). Lovage’s one album is entitled “Music to Make Love to Your Old Lady By,” so that should give you some indication of what this music is for. And it does the trick. It also includes a weird middle section where a woman with an Eastern European accent explains why men have affairs. I’m a man, I’m a goddess, I’m a virgin, I’m a blue movie, I’m a bitch, I’m a geisha, I’m a little girl, and we’ll make love together.

10. Reverie Sound Revue – One Marathon. Another unrequited love song? Yeah, apparently they contain a lot of unspoken sexual tension, which I dig. This one is jazzy and goes down smooth. But I know you know, I must swear you hear me say, “No – our misses are not a plan.” So I miss you, and I run through you.

Review: Doc Johnson White Nights Super Bullet

Kate Sloan

When the folks at Sex Toys Canada offered to send me a bullet vibrator, I thought they meant something more like this – tiny, silver, cheap, one-speed. I was pleasantly surprised when, instead, I received the Doc Johnson White Nights Super Bullet, which is bigger than my hand, and as girthy as a rather gifted cock. It’s certainly a bullet, but not a run-of-the-mill one by any means.

The first thing that struck me about this toy, other than the unexpected size, is the material. The Super Bullet is made of ABS plastic, the same phthalate-free, silky-smooth material frequently used by Lelo. As a diehard Lelo fangirl, I found the choice in material very appealing, as it’s associated with luxury and pleasure in my mind. And, conveniently, ABS plastic is compatible with any kind of lube you choose to use with it, and can be cleaned with soap and water.

I encountered my first issue with the Super Bullet when I went to load the batteries. The battery compartment takes a few good shakes before it’ll slide out. The positive and negative indicators on the chamber are confusing, so I had to do some experimenting before I figured out the way the batteries need to be inserted (hint: the positive sides go where the springs are, despite what the little icons would have you believe). Line up the arrow sticker on the battery chamber with the arrow sticker inside the toy, slide it in, screw it on, and you’re good to go.

I believe my Super Bullet has a defect, which is that the on/off button doesn’t seem to do its job. It’s supposed to cycle through the toy’s three speeds and then turn the toy off when pressed a fourth time. However, no matter what I try, I cannot get it to do this. It went through the speeds when I first got it, but wouldn’t turn off. Now, it seems to be stuck on one of the speeds – I have no idea which – and I have to unscrew the battery end slightly to get it to turn off. Needless to say, this is a pretty annoying problem, but I’m told that it’s not normal for this toy.

That said, I can look past a vibrator’s flaws as long as it still vibrates, which this one luckily does. After all, even luxury sex toy company Jimmyjane has a toy, the Little Chroma, which has only one speed and needs to be unscrewed to be turned off – and this is marketed as beautiful simplicity. Having read that the Little Chroma’s intensity can be controlled by which part of the toy you apply to your body (with the motor, and therefore the highest level of vibration, being located in the tip), I decided to try out the same principle with the Super Bullet.

The trouble is, though, that the vibrations travel through the entire bullet. There doesn’t seem to be one particular part of the toy where the sensation is most intense. In fact, I can feel the vibrations in my hand as much as I can in my clit, regardless of placement or positioning. This leads to Numb Hand Syndrome eventually – not so fun.

The Super Bullet feels pretty good on my clit for a while, and it can almost bring me to orgasm, but not quite. I’m the type of girl who needs to bump up a vibe’s intensity as I approach climax, and with only one functioning speed, that’s hard to do. So clitorally, this toy has led to mostly frustration for me. (On the plus side, it is a fairly quiet vibe, so the only sounds to be heard from my bedroom were my groans of irritation.)

Vaginally, though, it feels damn grand. Indeed, when I told my boyfriend I was planning on trying out the Super Bullet internally, he said, “There’s no way that thing’ll fit inside you,” but with adequate warm-up and lube, it’s surprisingly easy to get it in – all five of its insertable inches. And once it’s in, it’s a wonderful complement to any clit play I do at the same time. Using my beloved Turbo Glider on my clit while the Super Bullet fills up my insides can lead to earthshattering orgasms, as my pussy muscles clench down on the thick, solid bullet. This also holds true when I use my boyfriend’s tongue instead of the Turbo Glider (if you’ve never had someone use a toy on you while going down on you, you are missing out on some seriously stellar orgasms!).

Overall, I’m not sure how I feel about my Super Bullet. It has more than its fair share of problems – controls defect, overly diffuse and not-quite-strong-enough vibrations, finicky battery chamber, and gets hot quickly – but it also has several features that I appreciate, like being waterproof, smooth, and the perfect size to entertain my pussy while I play with my clit. And there are some things about it that I’m utterly ambivalent about, like its removable wrist strap (do people drop sex toys so often that we need a strap to prevent this problem?). Overall, I think this toy would be a decent choice for a beginner wanting to test out vibrations for the first time, but a seasoned pro would risk frustration over the toy’s more problematic points.

Many thanks to the good people at Sex Toys Canada for sending me this toy to review! Your discreet shipping and marvelous customer service make me all smiley inside.