Review: CalExotics Red Hot Flare

Kate Sloan

I am a big fan of clitoral pleasure, so I’m always thrilled when I see sex toy companies taking novel approaches to clitoral stimulation.

There are so many different ways toys can touch this long-underestimated organ: they can vibrate it, suck it, blow rhythmic airwaves at it, massage it with a rotating wheel of tongues, and so much more. It’s a part of the body that, as far as we know, exists only to make us feel good – so why not try out as many different avenues of pleasure as possible?

That’s why I like clitoral vibrators that have two “prongs” or “ears,” so as to surround the clit on both sides, the way a partner’s lips can. They just feel different from any other type of toy, and help me discover wonderful new sensations within my own body. The one I’m reviewing today is the Red Hot Flare vibrator from CalExotics, sent to me by my pals at Mindful. Let’s talk about it.

What is the Red Hot Flare?

The Red Hot Flare is a USB-rechargeable, silicone clitoral vibrator made by CalExotics. Formerly known as California Exotic Novelties, this company was once infamous among sex toy reviewers for pumping out toxic, low-quality toys for ultra-low prices – and, while they still do their fair share of that, they have significantly stepped things up over the past decade and now make many body-safe, decent-quality products.

As I mentioned, this vibe is unlike most clit vibes in that it has two little “bunny ears” that its vibration transmits into. I think there are a few main reasons someone might prefer a two-pronged vibe over a more traditional clitoral vibe:

  1. If you are transmasculine or have feelings in that direction and would like a clitoral toy that feels gender-affirming, this type of toy might be a good pick. You can stroke the ears up and down on either side of your shaft for a BJ- or HJ-esque feeling. (I will say, however, that this particular vibe may not work as well for someone who has experienced much bottom growth on testosterone, because the distance between the ears is pretty minimal. They’re flexible, so you could make it work, but I think this toy is better suited for people with small- to medium-sized clits.)
  2. If your clit is very sensitive and/or you just prefer indirect clitoral stimulation (like me!), you might enjoy the way these vibrators can stimulate your clitoral shaft through your inner labia and clitoral hood, rather than stimulating the tip of your clit directly, which can be painful for some people. These vibes also stimulate deeper parts of the internal clit than most toys do – most notably, the clitoral bulbs, which are located inside the body on either side of the vaginal opening.
  3. If you’re very sensitive and enjoy light, fluttery sensations on your clit, like very gentle tongue-flicking, you might like this type of vibe because the ears (especially if quite thin and flexible) may sort of flutter back and forth when they vibrate. You can position them wherever feels best: the tip of your clit, the side of the shaft, the top through the clitoral hood, etc.

No matter how you’re using this toy, make sure to use a good water-based lube with it. This is especially important if you’ll be stroking it up and down or otherwise moving it around in any way, but the fluttery motion of the ears feels better with lube even when I’m holding it totally still.

 

Things I like about this vibrator

  • It is surprisingly powerful and respectably rumbly. This, as I’ve ranted about before, is the most important quality of any vibrator: its motor. The strength and rumbliness of this toy are such that I can orgasm from it easily and hardly experience any desensitization with it. Good job, CalEx!!
  • There are a lot of different potential ways to use this toy. I love that it invites exploration and experimentation. For example, sometimes I will tease my clitoral shaft through my hood with the tips of the ears, massage each side of it through my inner labia, and then eventually switch to the position that generally makes me come: one ear on either side of my clit, with the top of my clit nestled into the crook between the two ears. Full surround-sound stimulation, baybee.
  • This toy stimulates the sides and base of my clitoral shaft in a way that almost no toys do (at least not without some creative positioning), which, for me, makes orgasms feel more intense and full-bodied, and less overstimulating. For my particular clitoral preferences, I’d much rather use a toy shaped like this than a standard bullet vibe on most occasions.
  • The ears are very flexible – way moreso than those of similar toys I’ve tried, like the Jimmyjane Form 2 and We-Vibe Gala – which makes it easy for me to position them on either side of my clit, even as it swells with arousal.
  • The toy is quite petite, which makes it great for travel/transport (especially since it has a travel lock function) and also means it would be useable during PIV in pretty much any position.

 

Things I don’t like about this vibrator

  • The main issue is the battery life. The instruction manual for this toy says that a fully charged battery will last up to 30 minutes on the highest speed; in my experience, that is a generous estimate. I use the toy at various different speeds throughout a session, not just the highest one, and I typically have to charge this one after every 30-40 minutes of use. There’s also no visible indicator that the battery is close to dying, which is why one day the toy unfortunately shut off when I was about 5 seconds away from orgasm. Sigh. (Don’t worry, I grabbed my Eroscillator to finish the job.)
  • This toy only has 3 steady speeds, followed by 7 patterns, and you have to scroll through each setting one at a time using its one button. Fortunately, if you just want to get back to the first steady speed, you can achieve that more quickly by turning the vibe off and then on again. As always with toys that work this way, I wish this one had more steady speeds, fewer patterns, and even just one more button to help me navigate to whatever setting I’m looking for more easily.
  • The space between the ears is so slim that I always end up having to manually reposition each “ear” on either side of my clit whenever I move the vibe or take a break. It would be way better if the ears would just spread open when I push my clit between them, but that would require more space between the ears to begin with. I feel like most toys of this type are made with the assumption that all clits are small and that none of them get larger when aroused, which is… not the case.
  • While the motor and bendiness of this toy feel better than those of the Jimmyjane Form 2, I miss the thickness and firmness of the Form 2’s ears, because of the way they stimulated the spots between my inner labia and outer labia. That’s one of the best/easiest ways to stimulate the clitoral bulbs, but it requires that the ears have a little more heft to them so you can press them into the flesh there, and this toy does not have that ability.
  • The silicone is highly prone to collecting lint/hairs/dust (as you can see in the photos in this post, sigh), and is also pretty draggy. Lube is imperative.

 

Final thoughts

The CalExotics Red Hot Flare is, in many ways, a fantastic vibrator. It stimulates my clit in a pretty unique manner, has a delightfully rumbly and powerful motor, and is discreet and travel-friendly enough for long-distance sexy adventures. It gives me intense orgasms with ease.

But it won’t work for everyone’s anatomy, and frankly, for $100, I expect better battery life than what this one offers. If CalExotics fixed that issue, this would become a top-drawer favorite of mine, but I’m just not willing to charge a vibrator after literally every use.

If you love clitoral stimulation, particularly the kind that is indirect and focuses mostly on your clitoral shaft, you’d probably dig the Red Hot Flare. As long as you don’t mind keeping its charger by the bed forever.

 

Thanks to the folks at Mindful for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Ill-Advised Items I’ve Used as Sex Toys (& What I Should’ve Used Instead)

Kate Sloan

Ah, the follies of youth.

We all make bad choices sometimes, but young people are especially prone to them, because they haven’t yet gained the life experience and knowledge they need to make better decisions for themselves; that self-education is a lifelong process.

I also think sexuality is an area where mistakes are easily made, both because lust and arousal are powerful disinhibitors and because far too many educational institutions still offer painfully inaccurate or nonexistent sex education.

Some of my silliest sexual mistakes prior to becoming sexually active (which brought a whole slew of even more mistakes) were related to using weird household objects to jerk off with. Now that I’ve grown up and literally review adult sex toys for a living, I know better… but back then, I was just feeling things out, so to speak. For your amusement and edification, here are some of the non-sexual items I have used for sexual purposes, and some suggestions of what I should have used instead…

 

An electric toothbrush

The classic. I’m sure I know dozens of people who’ve tried this at least once.

While I did occasionally find that the bristly side felt good in a vaguely masochistic way, usually I flipped the toothbrush around and used the back of the head. The vibration produced by electric toothbrushes is typically extremely buzzy, so I would have to rub it in circles against myself in order to feel much of anything. I got off that way regularly back then, but don’t think I could do so now, with my older, less easily orgasmic, more skeptical clit.

Obviously there are hygiene issues when doing this (I did not use a toothbrush that was currently anyone’s actual toothbrush) and, while the shape/size of an electric toothbrush is close to ideal for many clits, the stimulation itself leaves something to be desired. I think a slim, focused vibe like the Zumio would be the most logical upgrade.

 

A body massager I bought for about $5.99 at a discount shop

This thing was so weird. I’m sure I still have it somewhere. It was L-shaped, to help you reach sore spots on your shoulders and back (theoretically). It was EXTREMELY loud, such that I always had to put music on whenever I used it, and would get myself off with it as quickly as possible so no one would hear. The vibrations were powerful, but not particularly rumbly, which also contributed to me wanting to finish as fast as I could every time – using this vibe for too many minutes made my clit numb.

I didn’t have the budget for it back then, being a teen with no job, but it definitely would’ve been better to use something like the Magic Wand. And ideally I’d be able to soundproof my room as well 😂

 

A remote control for a stereo

I don’t think I ever used this penetratively… At least, I hope I didn’t…

My stereo’s remote was rounded off at one end, and I discovered somehow that rubbing it gently against my clit through my underwear felt good. It was something about the firmness of the hard plastic, paired with the softness of the curved edge. Hey, who knows why teenagers do what they do.

In retrospect, I probably could have achieved a similar effect with many other items – including my own fingers, if I’d used a light touch. But I didn’t have as much of a manual masturbation “repertoire” at that time so I didn’t know all the different sensations I could give myself without any toys (or makeshift toys) at all.

 

A shampoo bottle

Let me clarify… This was a bottle of Neutrogena T-Gel shampoo, which comes in a more slender bottle than most shampoos. Still, though – it’s a bit of an odd choice for penetration, which is the way I was using it. Hard plastic is a decent material for sexual usage in that it’s nonporous and generally body-safe, but the angular edges on many shampoo bottles make them uncomfortable at best and dangerous at worst.

I’ve only ever done this under very specific circumstances: I was jerking off in the tub, using my fingers or a clitoral vibe, and had trouble reaching orgasm, so I decided to add some penetration to get me there. (With my hand strength issues being what they are, usually I can only use up to 2 fingers inside myself comfortably, so if I’m alone and want penetration larger than that, it has to be with some kind of implement.) A small-to-average-sized dildo made of a firm material would’ve been a better choice, like any of the inexpensive glass ones I loved in my early 20s.

 

A cucumber

I mostly just tried this as a joke. Also, at some point long ago, I read a surprisingly hot erotica story about a woman who is overtaken by sexual curiosity about her neighbor’s vegetable garden and steals one of his cucumbers for masturbation purposes. That’s an image that doesn’t really leave you. 🥒

My partner brought home an enormous, slightly curved cucumber from the store one day because they were planning on using it to make some refreshing summer cocktails for us, but like the sex nerds that we are, we decided to fuck with it first. We left the plastic wrapping on it, which was a mistake, because it had some sharp seams that, uh, did not agree with my vagina.

If I wanted to try this again, I’d take the wrapping off and replace it with a regular condom (which is also what you should do if you ever plan on fucking yourself or anyone else with a piece of produce). Or I’d just use a dildo. 🤷🏻‍♀️

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

“A Song A Week” Challenge: Monthly Recap 2 of 12

Kate Sloan

Song 6/52: “The Museum”

Lyrics:

Special treasures, secret pleasures
For the knowing, patient eye
Look at that painting of a woman fainting
Look at that print of a pie in the sky

Halls that echo – spacious, lavish, wide
Every oeuvre curated inside

I love to visit the museum
If there’s new works, let me see ’em
The Met and the Frick and the AGO
Wear some flat shoes and away we’ll go
Colosseum, mausoleum, you can keep ’em
My muse is amused by the museum

Old collections, introspections
Forced to face the world that was
Clear glass cases, databases
Peacefulest of spots because

Each exhibit has its own mystique
Is that sculpture Roman, French, or Greek?

I love to visit the museum
If there’s new works, let me see ’em
The Louvre, the Tate and the Guggenheim
There are way worse ways to spend some time
Colosseum, mausoleum, you can keep ’em
My muse is amused by the museum

I’d be remiss not to mention
The ideological tension:
You can’t claim to care about history
While stealing from other societies
Have you ever looked at your work through the prism
Of white patriarchal colonialism?
Now give back the gold or we riot
If you don’t believe me, then try it

I love to visit the museum
If there’s new works, let me see ’em
Some of these artists did not get paid
Did not get to access the fortunes they made
‘Cause you steal ’em, wheel and deal ’em
Now, return them
Or somebody may need to burn them

 

Songwriting diary:

I had been reading about this weekly songwriting game/challenge that Austin singer/songwriter Bob Schneider created, in which he sends out a song prompt via email to some musician friends each week and they all write something. I felt inspired by this and picked up the Oliver Sacks book I’m reading, in the hopes that I would come across a phrase that had an inherent musicality like Jeff Tweedy talks about in his book How to Write One Song. I literally hadn’t even read an entire page before I got to this linguistic gem, in a piece about his love for museums: “special treasures, secret pleasures, for the knowing, patient eye.”

I did go to the Met with my friend Steph a few months ago and did recently read a book on the Sackler family so I had some thoughts and feelings on museums to pull from. But mostly I just listened to words in my head, and dug through Thesaurus.com and Rhymezone.com to find the perfect words for each convoluted rhyme.

Initially I was only writing lyrics, assuming I might make them into something else down the line. I sat thoughtfully in my chair and crafted lyrics to a meter I was inventing but trying to stick to. I knew I wanted to at least acknowledge the shady practices (to say the least) of many museums, but didn’t decide in advance that the whole song would take a sharp left turn at the bridge.

Picked up my uke when the lyrics were done, just to see if anything would happen, and of course it did. I had smoked some weed beforehand which I think made my brain make more creative connections and focus more on puzzle-like wordplay, and also made the whole writing process feel playful and fun.

Song 7/52: “Subtweet”

Lyrics:

Nice clean hit of dopamine
My favorite neurotransmitter
It’s probably a bit of a problem
That all of my crushes are people I follow on Twitter

Craft that joke and send it out
Hoping to make you smile
I could be more direct, I guess
But I don’t think that’s really my style

Yes, this is a subtweet
If you know, you know
Who knows if we’ll ever even meet
Or if we’ll get ratio’ed

It’s hard not to stare at my phone
When everyone sexy is in it
It’s tough to tame the craving
It won’t leave me alone for a minute

Friendly reminder that I am available
I’m not a tease on the timeline
But my small talk is not sensational
You say “What’s up?” I say “I’m fine”

Yes, this is a subtweet
If you know, you know
I would slam that retweet
If you told me so

You’re in my DMs
But are we just friends?
Is it so unusual to swoon over your mutual?
Is the feeling mutual?
Or am I delusional?

Yes, this is a subtweet
If you know, you know
If you said we must meet
I could not say no

 

Songwriting diary:

I was idly thinking about my various Twitter crushes while trying to improvise the start of a song. Initially the lyrics contained way more Twitter jokes, but I felt like they’d get dated fast, so I cut most of them. “Friendly reminder…” is still in there, though, because it makes me laugh.

The song was originally in the keys of A♭ and F#, which are both wacky keys for the ukulele (all barre chords all the time!) so I was finding my hand would cramp up painfully by the bridge. Shifted it up one semitone so I could actually play it and it’s much better now.

The lyrics required multiple edits, large and small, after the initial writing session. (The first part of the second verse was originally totally different: “Wish I could call you in out of the cold/ Come over for Netflix & chill/ You laugh at my jokes and you make me feel bold/ In this essay I will…”) I am a more disciplined writer now than I used to be, so I no longer feel married to every song’s first set of lyrics and am more able to shift stuff around, cut things and make changes. But there is still a period of time after which the song feels “set” and it becomes much more difficult to change anything.

Song 8/52: “Can’t Stop”

Lyrics:

Wish I could focus on anything other than you
But baby, it’s clear that my brain won’t allow me to
Needless to mention, all my attention is split
The thoughts are invasive, and very persuasive, I admit

I can’t stop thinking about you
You cast a spell – now free me from it
I can’t stop thinking about you
I don’t know how, but I know I’ll overcome it

Meeting my deadlines, but barely – it’s happened all week
I feel like a failure, I feel like a certified freak
I turned off my phone and hid it inside of a drawer
But who could have known that it would just make me want more?

I can’t stop thinking about you
You cast a spell – now free me from it
I can’t stop thinking about you
I don’t know how, but I know I’ll overcome it
I can’t stop thinking about you
I don’t know why, but my mind won’t let you go
I can’t stop thinking about you
I can’t stop, I can’t stop

Every memory, every interaction
Has a reaction and fuels my attraction
I can’t take my eyes off your smirk
And I hope I don’t sound like a jerk
But I need to get back to my life and back to my work

I can’t stop thinking about you
You cast a spell – now free me from it
I can’t stop thinking about you
I don’t know how, but I know I’ll overcome it
I can’t stop thinking about you
I don’t know why, but my mind won’t let you go
I can’t stop thinking about you
It’s just too bad that I’ll never ever let you know

 

Songwriting diary:

One of the most satisfying parts of this challenge so far has been returning to my initial drafts of song lyrics, hours or days after writing them, to edit them, sometimes ruthlessly. I’ll cut or change anything that I just can’t make sound natural in my voice, or anything that catches my ear wrong every time I hear it in the demo, or anything that I’m at all morally or aesthetically uncertain about. I’ll stare into space (and at the Rhymezone and Thesaurus apps) until I come up with a better line. I’ll rebuild the mediocre parts around the parts I think are working, the parts that made me want to bother finishing the song.

This one reminds me of songs I used to “write” by singing into a tape recorder when I was a kid, in that I didn’t play any instruments yet so the style and feel of the songs I heard in my head were not constrained by the medium in which I performed them – so I would write songs that I “heard” internally as being punk, or orchestral, or expansively 1970s, or whatever. Similarly, this song I heard as a big, spaciously-produced, glimmering pop song, the likes of which someone like Carly Rae Jepsen might do.

Song 9/52: “Oh Robin”

Lyrics:

Oh Robin
How we miss your smile
It’s been a little while
How have you been? I wish I knew

Oh Robin
You always made us laugh
The world just isn’t half as fun these days
Not without you

I think of you a lot
Especially when I watch your movies
I think of what we lost
I think of all you made that moves me

Oh Robin
They say that you were sicker than we knew
Oh Robin
I know we never knew the real you

But we saw you from the crowd
Your legacy of love and laughter
I hope you’re in the clouds
Laughing in the great hereafter

Oh Robin
You had a spark of madness in your mind
Oh Robin
I hope you feel the love you left behind

We knew you as a star
A jester and a genie and a nanny
I don’t know where you are
But anyway, I really hope you’re happy

Oh Robin

 

Songwriting diary:

Had been messing around with this chord progression for a few days, and one day I just started randomly singing about Robin Williams over it. A bunch of different Robin-related things had happened that got me thinking about him (although, frankly, I think about him fairly often anyway). Matt and I watched Awakenings together, which I’ve seen many times but they hadn’t seen before; I’d been reading yet another Oliver Sacks books and wanted to revisit the movie they made from some of his case studies. Robin is absolutely wonderful in that movie. I also saw on Twitter, a day or two later, that there had been some hubbub when some guy posted a photo of Robin with a quote pasted over it that wasn’t something Robin had actually said, and his daughter Zelda jumped in to say that that wasn’t cool and that people have co-opted her dad’s likeness and message for their own purposes.

I wanted to write a song about Robin but didn’t want to do the very thing that Zelda was denouncing. So I focused on my own feelings about him. Initially the third verse contained an anecdote about the time my mom interviewed Robin for work while she was pregnant with me (“Oh Robin / Before I was born, you met my mum / You touched her pregnant belly / She asked you for advice; you gave her some“). I ended up returning to the lyrics the following day to edit them, and replaced that section with more general/hopefully relatable sentiments.

A lot of the writing process was improvisational and based on what I was hearing in my head, as per usual lately. The chord progression is a bit 1960s – it reminds me of some Sam Cooke and Beatles songs I learned back in the day – and has this circular/cyclical vibe that feels like a life cycle to me. I’ve noticed that when I write a song (or part of a song) that’s legitimately good, it’ll get stuck in my head intractably for hours or days; my brain keeps working on the puzzle of it, even when I’m not consciously focusing on it. Often I’ll have “solved” the part that was bugging me by the next day, seemingly through this subconscious processing.

The line about a “spark of madness” is a reference to my favorite quote of Robin’s: “You’ve got to be crazy; it’s too late to be sane… because you’re only given a little spark of madness, and if you lose that, you’re nothing.” I figured it made sense to quote him directly, both because Zelda said that’s what he would have wanted and because that’s just such a great fucking quote. I’ve always related to it, as someone who has struggled with mental illness but has nonetheless managed to routinely channel those struggles into creativity.

Sexual Technique vs. Sexual Attitude: What Matters More?

Kate Sloan
Truly did not know what photo to pair with this piece so here is an old one of me doing a cunnilingus face.

I spend a lot of time on the Sex forum on Reddit, so I read a lot of posts from frustrated virgins who are afraid that they’ll never get laid. One of their more pervasive fears is that it will be immediately obvious to their first partner that they are a virgin, because of their unpolished technique. They live in terror of being humiliated by a partner who judges them for their abilities or lack thereof.

I have been there myself. While struggling with a prohibitive fear of giving blowjobs at the age of 18, I sincerely worried I would never get into a healthy, happy relationship, because I was mostly attracted to cis men romantically but had no idea what to do with their junk, which I assumed would be a dealbreaker for almost all of them. I imagine this fear is even more pronounced for men with little experience, since our culture too often paints heterosexual sex as men’s responsibility to manage from start to finish, whereas it’s considered more acceptable for women to lie back and have things done to them. (I’m not saying that’s how it should be, but for many people, it’s how it is.) It’s no wonder that these men are so terrified of having poor sexual technique; they’ve been told that their skill level will be the main deciding factor for whether the sex they have is good or not, both for themselves and for their partner(s).

The advice I always give these guys is some version of the following: your attitude matters way more than your technique, and your attitude is what will actually allow you to develop good technique. What should your attitude be, going into a first-time sexual encounter (or, frankly, any sexual encounter)? I think it should be centered around the desire to listen to your partner, pay attention to their reactions, communicate, explore, experiment, and have fun. And you do not have to be some kind of sex god to do any of that. You just have to be attentive and enthusiastic, and you have to care. I already know that these guys are all of those things, because they care enough about sex and have enough enthusiasm about it to wonder how to get good at it, and they’re (usually) attentive to the answers they receive on their posts. The part that they’re missing is the “relax and have fun” part, but that gets easier with time.

Technique-wise, there is definitely a lot you can learn before you ever have sex with another person. You can read articles online about the clitoris, the G-spot, or whatever other parts you’re interested in pleasing. You can study anatomical diagrams like you’re memorizing a map before a road trip. You can read books on sexual technique, like She Comes First and Becoming Cliterate. You can check out instructional websites that focus on sexual technique, like OMGYes or https://www.thepleasurekeys.com. You can practice on your own body, because even if you have different anatomy from the people you’re predominantly attracted to, genitals are all analogous to one another and share plenty of commonalities.

It’s crucial to remember, though, that all the technique-based knowledge in the world is no substitute for asking your partner what they like. Few things frustrate me more than men who keep doing a thing I’ve repeatedly told them doesn’t feel good for me, because their ex-girlfriend liked it, or they read about it in a magazine or something. While it’s always possible that you could introduce someone to sensations they never knew their body could feel, generally your partner will be the world’s leading authority on what feels good for them and what gets them off. To ignore their feedback is to ignore the most useful sexual advice you’ll ever receive.

Given the choice between a partner with well-practiced sexual technique but a shitty attitude, or a partner with an excellently open-minded attitude but no technique to speak of, I would choose the partner with the good attitude almost every time. (I say “almost” because hey, we all make choices that aren’t in our best interest sometimes!) If someone is communicative, kind, generous, attentive, and enthusiastic, you can pretty much teach them whatever sexual skills you want them to learn. It may take practice before they get the hang of it – it usually does – but once they figure it out, they will be leaps and bounds ahead of that douchebag who claims to be a killer cunnilinguist but actually just keeps doing that tongue-flicky thing you told them you hate.

So if you’re reading this and feeling inadequate because you lack sexual experience, just know that your attitude will take you farther than anything else. I’d much rather the face between my legs be looking up at me with cheerful curiosity than with smug certainty. That way, we can discover new pleasures together.

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: BigShocked 8-Inch Silicone Wolf Dog Dildo

Kate Sloan

Content note: As this dildo is inspired by dog/wolf penises, there will be some discussion in this post of canine mating habits. No bestiality, just dog-on-dog stuff. I know. I’m sorry. Let’s get through it together.

So-called “fantasy dildos” have never interested me that much, although I do find other people’s interest in them to be, in itself, interesting.

Almost all of my fantasies are about humans, rather than being about animals, mythical creatures, supernatural beings, extraterrestrials, or anything else. And to be clear, I’m not saying that in a judgey way. I think fantasy is just fantasy, and that doing bestiality is unethical but you can fantasize about whatever you want. I also think it’s cool as hell that the human sexual psyche is so wide-ranging and inventive. This is just not a side of it that holds much appeal for me personally.

But then the folks at Bigshocked offered to send me a dildo to review, and I was amazed by their wide selection of alien dildos, monster dildos, horse dildos, and dog dildos, just to name a few. I figured, when am I going to get another chance to review something so odd and out-there? (Well, probably pretty soon, if my career history is any indication, but hey, it’s a figure of speech.) After much deliberation, I asked for the 8-inch silicone wolf/dog dildo in a luminescent shade of green.

 

Sent this photo to my partner to show them what I was working on today. Dating me is an adventure.

What makes this dildo doglike and why the hell did I choose it?

While working on this review, I did some research on canine mating habits. I had to, because almost all my knowledge on this topic comes from a source I wouldn’t necessarily trust for scientific accuracy: erotic fanfiction.

See, there’s a fanfic genre known as “omegaverse” which incorporates elements of dog reproduction alongside tropey misconceptions about how wolf societies work. (The concept of wolf packs containing “alpha males,” “beta males,” etc. has been debunked, as it was based on observations of wolves in captivity, not out in the wild where they would normally be.)

In omegaverse fanfic – or at least, in the stories I’ve read from that genre – typically there’s an “alpha” character and an “omega” character. Every so often, the omega goes into heat, at which time they become sexually irresistible to alphas and also become irrepressibly horny for alpha dick. When an alpha fucks an omega, the alpha’s cock goes through a process called “knotting,” whereby a portion of the penis near the base (the “knot”) swells outward, effectively locking the alpha and omega together because the alpha cannot physically remove their dick from the omega while the knot is swollen.

I looked into it and a lot of this is accurate to how dogs mate. Most notably, knotting is a real thing that happens to dogs – but it’s definitely not as sexy/sensual/romantic as omegaverse fic makes it sound. For instance, the male dog usually turns around mid-bang so that he’s standing butt-to-butt with his mate, dick bending back between his legs. (Ever tried to do this as a human fucking a human? Sounds painful.) Peep this paragraph from an informative webpage I unfortunately read in its entirety while researching this review:

Dogs new to mating may experience a bit of anxiety at being locked together, but it’s a natural process. Help your dog to remain calm and stand still until the two can safely separate. This will occur on its own once the male dog’s arousal subsides.

Anyway, not to prattle on too long about dog sex (oops, I definitely already have), but I mainly was drawn to this dildo because I’ve enjoyed omegaverse fic before and find it hot to imagine someone being so turned on by my pussy that their dick literally gets too hard for them to physically remove it. I mean, come on.

 

Stuff I like about this dildo

  • I think people who are into those canine/omegaverse-type fantasies will be satisfied by the shape of this,  both visually and tactilely. I didn’t subject myself to a Google image search of dog dicks (sorry, I can only be as intrepid a sex toy reviewer as my anxious mind and sensitive stomach will allow), but I think this one looks pretty legit and ticks all the right boxes, so to speak.
  • On that note, it’s one of the less expensive fantasy dildos I’ve seen, so if you’re thirsty for alpha dick but gotta stick to a budget, I think this is a perfectly serviceable choice.
  • Even setting aside the animal aspect of this toy, I find the shape pleasurable and interesting. It’s rare to find a dildo with a tapered tip and a thick knot-like swell in the middle, so it really doesn’t feel like many other dildos I have tried. Its pointed tip hits my A-spot easily, but gently, when inserted all the way. The knotted section doesn’t do much for my G-spot because it protrudes moreso sideways than up-and-down, but it massages my vaginal walls in unusual ways and creates sensations I’ve rarely felt before.
  • For me, the size is reasonable and enjoyable. The shaft ranges in diameter from 1.37″ to 1.77″, and the insertable length is 6.93″, so I can get most of it inside me when I’m fully aroused. It never feels uncomfortable size-wise, only texture-wise (more on that later).
  • The teardrop-shaped base is excellent. I prefer when dildo bases offer some way to tell how the dildo is oriented when it’s inside you, because otherwise mine end up rotating around without me noticing, and then suddenly I’m using a G-spot dildo sideways and wondering why it feels like I’m getting a pap smear from an angry and overcaffeinated doctor. The base of this dildo makes it immediately clear to me which way it’s facing, so I don’t have to worry about that.
  • The base is also flared enough that you could use this toy anally and/or in a strap-on. Hot.

 

Stuff I don’t like about this dildo

  • In terms of quality, this dildo is definitely lacking. This toy only costs $36.50 and you are getting what you pay for. The swirls of color in it are artless and kind of ugly (IMO), and it just doesn’t feel as thoughtfully designed or carefully made as pricier dildos I’ve owned from Tantus, Uberrime, and so on. That said, I did administer a flame test to this Bigshocked dildo and the results seemed to indicate it is indeed made of pure silicone, as it claims to be.
  • I kind of wish the knot was firmer! Hell, maybe I just wish the whole dildo was firmer (its silicone is “Medium Super Soft Shore 10A”). This is very much a matter of personal taste, but one of the reasons I was excited about the knot was that I figured it would make orgasmic contractions feel more intense – but actually, it’s squishy enough that it didn’t make much of a difference sensation-wise. The orgasms are still good (I mean, they’re orgasms!), but I feel I would come harder with a firmer toy.
  • For me, the ribbed texture on the shaft is a bit much. I’m talking mostly about the part of the shaft between the head and the knot. There are times when it feels amazing against my vaginal walls, but also times when it feels scrapey and overstimulating. I would definitely recommend using a thick water-based lube liberally with this toy.
  • The silicone is very glossy, which means it’s also very prone to collecting lint and hairs, and amassing static electricity. This is annoying but not a huge deal.
  • Assuming you’re using this dildo vaginally, you kind of have to be fully aroused to get the full experience of it, because of how long it is and how far down the shaft the knot is located. If you’re unable to insert a dildo more than 4″ into you, you won’t comfortably reach the knot, so I would recommend doing a fair bit of warm-up before using this toy to make sure your vaginal canal has lengthened enough to accommodate it.

 

Final thoughts

If you love the thought of getting fucked by a doglike dick – and hey, I’m not judging – I think the Bigshocked silicone wolf/dog dildo will have you howling with delight.

It’s not the fanciest toy in the world, and not one that especially appeals to my own sexual sensibilities, but I’m glad I own one now, so that it’ll be around any time I’m craving a… bone.

 

This post was sponsored. That means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.