Review: We-Vibe Melt

Kate Sloan

I’ve been hearing about the We-Vibe Melt for years, and recently finally got to try one, thanks to my pals at Honeysx. Read on for my thoughts!

 

What is the We-Vibe Melt?

The We-Vibe Melt is a pressure-wave clitoral stimulator, meaning that it encloses the clitoris in its little mouth and uses pulses of air to “touchlessly” stimulate the clitoral head and shaft. Some people report that pressure waves feel like oral sex; for me, they certainly feel more similar to oral than vibration does, but overall the sensation is more like rhythmic tapping, or like getting head from a robot.

As with most We-Vibe products, this one is specifically designed to be useable during penetrative partnered sex. It has a slim profile and an ergonomic shape that allows it to slip between bodies fairly easily, even in (a slightly adjusted version of) missionary position. This is a big benefit of this toy for me, because my all-time favorite pressure-wave stimulator, the Lelo Sila, is way too bulky and awkward to use in this way.

Also as with most We-Vibe products, this one is rechargeable, waterproof, can be controlled via a smartphone app or its built-in buttons, and has a 2-year warranty. Score.

 

How does it feel?

I am always pretty skeptical about trying new pressure-wave toys, because I have to put them on the most sensitive part of my entire body without first knowing if they’re going to be massively overstimulating, which they often are. In general I would recommend getting yourself turned on before using a toy like this, for the same reason that it can be nice for a partner to kiss your thighs, lick around your genitals, etc. before going for the gold.

Warm-up is especially recommended because this toy is quite a bit rumblier/”thumpier” than most other toys of its type. This is great news overall but can make the toy feel somewhat jarring if you try to use it before you’re turned on. That said, because of its deep rumbliness, I find that this toy works better than most for teasing myself through my clitoral hood or inner labia. By holding the toy’s “mouth” against either of those areas, I can still feel the rhythmic thumping being transmitted to my clit, but it’s not as direct and intense as it would be if I put it directly on the tip of my clit.

Another thing that sets this toy apart from others is its oval-shaped mouth. Of course, all clits are different, but some people might find that this oval shape helps them get a better seal around their clit, allowing for better, stronger stimulation. It’s got a little flexibility to it, so you could even manually pinch it closed with the hand that’s not holding the toy, if you wanted firmer pressure and a tighter seal, though that’s not necessary.

The first day that I tested this toy, I got off with it 3 times over the course of the day, which is highly unusual for me. A lot of people say they’re more able to have multiple orgasms with pressure-wave toys because the stimulation is gentle/indirect enough that it doesn’t leave them feeling oversensitized after climax. I can see how this would be an advantage for some people, but for myself personally, I find that orgasms from pressure-wave toys don’t tend to be as satisfying as other types of orgasms, which is why I end up going for multiples a lot of the time. I just don’t get off as hard with these as I do when there’s a great vibrator or oscillator pressed against my clitoral hood. Adding penetration helps, but still, I would never grab this type of toy if I wanted a world-destroying, “what the fuck just happened?!” kind of orgasm. For me, these toys are more suitable for mid-day wank breaks, when I want to release some tension and some endorphins without necessarily derailing my whole day.

That said, just because the orgasms aren’t terribly satisfying doesn’t mean the toy isn’t pleasurable. It definitely is. This is one of the more pleasurable pressure-wave toys I’ve tried – certainly in my top 3 – because of how rumbly it is. It stimulates the entire visible portion of the clitoris and some of the non-visible portion as well. Paired with porn, erotica, or fantasies, it can take me from zero to orgasm in a matter of minutes. And while the orgasms aren’t satisfying, they are still enjoyable and often intense, particularly when I incorporate penetration.

 

Mouth size comparison: Lelo Sila (purple), We-Vibe Melt (coral), and Satisfyer Curvy 2+ (pale peach)

Useability & things to keep in mind

As the Dildoodler points out in their excellent Melt review, there just isn’t nearly as much info out there about clitoral size as there is about penis size. (I just looked it up, and the search terms “clit size,” “clitoral size” and “clitoris size” bring up a collective 462,000 results; meanwhile, “penis size” and “dick size” bring up a total of 15 MILLION results. That’s roughly a 32-to-1 ratio in terms of the amount of information that’s out there.) As a result of this info gap, a lot of people with clits would have no idea how to rank their own clit size in relation to the average. Hell, it’s hard to even measure a clit, especially since there’s so little education out there about the clitoral shaft and the fact that the clitoris swells with arousal like the penis does.

All this to say, it can be difficult to choose a pressure wave toy that will fit your clit the way you want it to, both because most of us don’t know our clit size off the top of our head and because most sex toy companies are not advertising their clitoral toys on the basis of what sizes they will fit. So let’s envision a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is the smallest “mouth” I’ve ever seen on this type of toy, and 10 is the large mouth of the Lelo Sila, which can fit my ring finger and pinky finger simultaneously up to the first knuckle. On that scale, I’d put the We-Vibe Melt at a 6 or so. Its oval shape and the softly rounded edges of its mouth make it feel more accommodating than tiny toys that focus only on the very very tip of my clit (which I hate), but it’s definitely not big enough to surround my entire fully-aroused clitoral shaft like the Sila is. For this reason, I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone who knows they have a large clit (which I imagine would include most folks who’ve been on testosterone long enough to experience bottom growth). The Sila or Satisfyer Curvy 2+ are still my top recommendations for larger clits.

The Melt is quiet compared to almost all the other pressure-wave toys I’ve tried. I didn’t worry about my roommate or neighbors hearing me when I used it at 2 a.m. one night, for example. It’s not silent – none of these toys really are, because of their suction-inspired mechanism – but if you put on some music or white noise in the background, or use it in the bath with the water running, no one should be able to hear you in other rooms.

The buttons are placed exactly where I would want them to be for this type of toy; they’re located where my fingers naturally end up when I hold the toy in the comfiest way for my hand. They click and light up when pressed, so you always know when you’ve hit a button successfully – and they’re marked with raised “plus” and “minus” signs so you can find them quickly in the dark and likely won’t press them by accident.

The Melt is currently available in two colors, an orangey-pinky-coral shade (pictured) and a deep, sexy midnight blue. I appreciate these because neither shade feels especially gendered to me. I have heard many transmasculine folks mention that they like using pressure-wave toys as blowjob simulators, so it’s nice when companies offer colorways that don’t scream femininity. I also, in researching this review, stumbled across at least one trans woman who mentioned she enjoyed this toy; not quite sure what her preferred technique was but I think this toy could potentially feel nice against the frenulum of the penis.

Oh yeah, there’s an app

The We-Vibe app can be used to wirelessly control most We-Vibe toys, including this one. It gives you more detailed control over the toy’s intensity at any given moment, and allows you to create your own pressure-wave patterns to try out. It also lets your long-distance sweetie take over control of the toy from afar if they are so inclined.

The reason I’m mentioning this only as an afterthought is that We-Vibe toys’ connectivity still isn’t where I’d like it to be. Compared to other Bluetooth-focused companies like Lovense and Satisfyer, We-Vibe still struggles to make toys that 1) connect easily to their app, 2) stay connected for the entire duration of the session, and 3) respond to changes made in the app within a reasonable timeframe. For this reason, I almost never use We-Vibe’s Bluetooth functionality anymore when I use their toys; it usually ends up being more annoying than pleasurable.

 

Final thoughts

Having tried as many pressure-wave toys as I have, I can almost always perceive big differences between cheap ones and premium ones. High-quality stimulators tend to feel pleasurable right off the bat (if I’m turned on), instead of requiring that I acclimatize myself to intense surface-level tapping on the very tip of my clit. They tend to feel nicer in my hand and on my bits. They tend to be quieter, sleeker, and more durable. The We-Vibe Melt performs like a high-end pressure-wave toy, because, at $122, it is.

If you’re curious about this type of toy and have that kind of cash to burn, I think you’d likely be very happy with the Melt, provided that it fits your clit (and it should fit most of them). But if $122 is a bit of a stretch for you, I’d suggest trying a less expensive pressure-wave toy first to see whether you even like the sensation, and then upgrading when and if you want to and are able to.

If, on the other hand, you already know you like pressure-wave sensations and you want to upgrade to a high-quality product, I think the We-Vibe Melt is a wonderful contender for people whose clits are medium-sized or smaller. And if you know you want oral-like sensations on your clit while a partner is fucking you with their dick or strap-on, this is probably the best one you’re gonna find for that purpose.

I’ve loved We-Vibe for many years, and once again, they have exceeded my expectations.

 

Thanks to Honeysx for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write an honest and fair review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: SnailVibe

Kate Sloan

I was recently tasked with writing an article about the best rabbit vibrators on the market. As per my usual process for such articles, I dug deep into the annals of my own memory to find this information, as well as interviewing several experts in the field: sex toy reviewers, sex educators, and so on.

I did six interviews for this piece, and when asked what rabbit vibes they would recommend, almost every interviewee said some version of the same thing: “I know the We-Vibe Nova 2 is good. Can’t really think of too many others.” This was, unfortunately, the exact same opinion I myself had held before I began the research process for the piece.

My wonderful interviewees were able to give me useful recommendations, and I do think that that article covers the cream of the crop when it comes to rabbit vibes, a notoriously difficult category of toy to execute well. But it really is true: the We-Vibe Nova 2 is one of the best rabbit vibrators released in the last 5 years, if not more, for one major reason. It maintains firm contact with your clit even when you thrust with it.

There are other reasons too – it has a great motor, many settings, a travel-lock function, is rechargeable, is made by a reputable company, etc. But I think the main thing the Nova got right was its approach to clit contact, and the new-ish SnailVibe is astounding for exactly the same reason.

 

What is the SnailVibe & how do you use it?

The SnailVibe is a dual-stimulation vibrator, i.e. a vibrator that offers vaginal penetration and simultaneous clitoral stimulation. (One could also, theoretically, use it for anal penetration, with the external portion stimulating the perineum.)

What sets the SnailVibe apart from all other dual-stim vibes is its spiral-shaped external portion, which is designed to roll/furl and unfurl every time you thrust the internal portion in and out. The spiral offers enough resistance that it remains firmly in contact with the clit (or at least, my clit) for the entire thrust.

I cannot overstate how important clitoral pleasure is to many vulva-havers’ sexual response, and to my own. The clitoris is the anatomical pleasure equivalent of the penis, so for many of us, it is absolutely central, potentially much moreso than penetration. It always baffled me that so many toy companies seemed to put all their resources and inventiveness into bells and whistles on the penetrative parts of rabbit vibes – rotating beads, come-hither stroking, and so on – while assuming a pair of flimsy rabbit ears would be enough in the clitoral stimulation department. The SnailVibe seems, comparatively, much more focused on clit pleasure, and I appreciate it.

 

via GIPHY

How does it feel?

The SnailVibe has two motors and both of them are excellent. I don’t even have that much to say about them because they’re just… satisfyingly good, at the level one would hope and expect from a vibrator at this price point ($150 USD or about $200 CAD). I will say, there are some surprisingly huge jumps between vibration speeds, which are sometimes jarring, but mostly it doesn’t bother me that much.

The toy is designed such that the clitoral portion not only remains in contact with the clit during each thrust, but maintains pretty firm pressure on it. So if you’re not a fan of clitoral pressure, this might not be the toy for you – maybe the fluttery ears on standard rabbit vibes are more your speed.

Another sex toy reviewer, Felicity of Phallophile Reviews, disliked the SnailVibe intensely because its penetrative shaft is long, straight, and rigid. This is one of the key qualities that could make a user either love or hate this toy. If you want intense G-spot stimulation, it’s true that this is not the right toy for the job. But if you tend to enjoy thrusting for how it stimulates your vaginal walls more generally, and/or if you like deep, firm penetration that strokes your anterior fornix or posterior fornix, I think you’re likelier to appreciate this toy.

The shaft is also pretty long – 8 inches insertable – which could be off-putting for some folks, but I don’t think it has to be. You don’t have to use the full length of a sex toy in order to use it at all, and this vibe is designed such that you’ll get clitoral contact if you insert the vibe as shallowly as 2 inches inside you.

The buttons that control this toy are intuitively-placed, IMO, and thus great for finding and using in the heat of the moment. You can control the internal and external motor separately, and set each to any of several steady vibration modes and patterns at any time.

 

Drawbacks & things to keep in mind

YOU HAVE TO PUT LUBE ON THE EXTERNAL PART. If you found this review while idly googling the sex toy you just bought, I hope this is the main thing you take away from this review. PUT LUBE ON THE EXTERNAL PART.

The external part doesn’t just sit there statically; it spins/rotates against your clit, so if it’s unlubed, it’ll just scrape over the area uncomfortably. This toy literally feels completely different when the external part is lubed. It’s non-negotiable as far as I’m concerned. (Don’t forget to add some additional moisture to reactivate your lube every so often if you’re using a water-based one.)

I find that thrusting with this toy is the only way I can get myself off with it. Its straight shaft and firm clit stimulator don’t quite do enough to get me there without additional motion. If you want a rabbit vibe you can use without needing to move it or hold it, I’d suggest a rabbit that thrusts or strokes the G-spot.

 

Final thoughts

I’m not generally a huge fan of dual-stimulation toys, but I have to say that the SnailVibe is in the top 3 I’ve ever tried in terms of sensation (the others being, I think, the We-Vibe Nova 2 and the CalEx silicone jack rabbit). It’s rumbly as hell, feels lovely when thrusted, and gets me off easily every time. It’s also entirely unique and hella cute-looking.

It won’t work for everyone – you gotta like (or be okay with) firm clitoral pressure, thrusting, and rigid penetration that targets spots deeper than the G-spot – but there is no vibrator that would work for everyone, and that’s like 10 times as true when it comes to rabbit vibes. I’m glad to have found another one that works for me, even though it looks like a damn snail.

 

Thanks to the folks at Lovers for sending me the SnailVibe to review!

Let’s Talk About Jeans Bondage

Kate Sloan
These Madewell jeans are the tightest ones I own, to the point that a man once shouted “Those pants are too tight” at me while I was wearing them on the street.

I got an unusual request in my inbox a few weeks ago. A reader wanted to pay me to write about her fetish.

The few times that this has happened to me before, usually it’s been because the person essentially wanted custom erotica. But this was different – this person said she wanted me to write something she could link to as a reference as needed, because there was hardly any information on the internet about her particular kink. I was intrigued.

What was the kink? JEANS BONDAGE. I know, I know, you’ve got questions. Well, lucky for you, I’ve got answers. I interviewed this reader of mine via email about how she does what she does. Buckle up! (Or button up, as the case may be…)

 

What is jeans bondage?

When I heard this phrase, initially I pictured someone being tied down using jeans as rope… but that’s not what my reader meant. She explained that when she says “jeans bondage,” what she means is wearing very tight jeans (or being forced to wear very tight jeans) to induce a feeling of helplessness and restricted movement, as with any other form of bondage.

In my reader’s case specifically, she is most often the dominant person in her relationship with her husband, so she is mostly the person consensually “forcing” him to wear tight jeans for her pleasure, although they do occasionally switch.

She relayed to me that this kink originally started for them because she’d always loved the way her husband looks in skinny jeans. (As someone whose spouse looks terrific in skinny jeans, I can relate.) Eventually she began commanding him to wear his jeans around the house sometimes, for her pleasure – and then he started also wearing tight jeans to bed and even overnight at her behest, as they both liked the texture of denim against their skin as they cuddled and slept. From there, it developed into a kink that they enjoy playing with together.

 

What do you do once the jeans are on?

Theoretically you could do pretty much anything that does not involve having access to the jeans-wearer’s bare lower half. Whatever your favorite kinks are, you can probably do them while wearing tight jeans.

But also, my reader told me that she and her husband like to have sex while he’s in his jeans. And not just sex acts that would be possible either way, like him giving oral, but penetrative intercourse. I asked her how she managed this and she said that usually they pull the jeans down just far enough that his penis becomes accessible, and do it that way. She mentioned, too, that her husband’s erections are stronger and last longer when he’s wearing tight jeans; I imagine that this might have to do with the restriction around the area, particularly when the jeans are tugged down to just below his penis, where they might have a slightly constrictive effect on the base of the penis, similar to a cock ring.

There is potentially significant overlap between jeans bondage and chastity play. My reader told me that she and her husband incorporate sex into jeans bondage in two main ways: either no sexual stimulation is allowed until the jeans are at least partly removed (which is only done with the dom’s permission), or the jeans must be put back on immediately after sex is over. Tight jeans can act as a makeshift chastity cage of sorts – or, if you’re actually wearing a chastity cage, tight jeans make that somewhat obvious, which could be fun for erotic humiliation purposes.

 

Is any special equipment required?

Nope, aside from the jeans themselves! My reader told me that she and her husband each own about 12 different pairs of jeans, and that their criteria for “bondage jeans” are different than their criteria for “regular jeans.” She told me they usually buy at least a size tighter than they normally would when shopping with jeans bondage in mind, because the main goal is to restrict movement, especially bending of the knees.

I asked her if the two of them had specific jeans preferences beyond sizing, and she said that they prefer jeans made of denim that is as inflexible as possible. Levi’s and Wranglers are some of her faves. I wonder if something even more rigid, like raw Japanese denim, would be even better.

You’re welcome for these photos, btw.

Are there safety issues to consider?

There’s the basic stuff you’d consider when shopping for jeans in general. Does the material irritate your skin? Is it so tight that it cuts off circulation? Obviously these issues are best avoided if possible. Same as with any other type of bondage, you want something tight enough to give you the desired effect, arousal-wise, but not so tight as to cause medical issues, even when worn for many hours at a time. If you do feel any telltale tingling or other signs of something gone awry, take the jeans off immediately – and keep some safety shears nearby incase you ever have any trouble removing the jeans and need to take them off in a hurry.

My reader also noted that her husband tends to prefer jeans with a button fly over those with a zipper, because when wearing jeans sans underwear (as he does most often during this type of play), it’s easier to accidentally injure your penis with a zipper than with buttons. Good to know!

I’ll also say, I could see it becoming a health risk if someone with a vulva was wearing very tight jeans for extended periods of time without taking them off, changing them, or at least rinsing the genital area. Sounds like a recipe for some kind of infection. With regards to hygiene concerns more generally, my reader told me that her husband generally showers the morning after a play session and then changes into a fresh pair of jeans if they plan to continue playing.

 

What are the benefits and drawbacks of this type of bondage over other types?

Well, for one thing, you probably already own a pair of jeans, or can pick one up cheaply at a thrift store or fast-fashion shop (or even at a fetishy used-clothing site like All things worn). In that way, this kink is fairly low-cost to play with.

I imagine that folks doing jeans bondage often enough would have to do a lot of laundry on a regular basis. My reader told me that her husband does sometimes come in his jeans as part of their play, and that sometimes she even demands he wear his cum-soaked jeans overnight to emphasize the consensual discomfort (hot, tbh!), but that he always gets to change into a new pair after showering the next morning.

This is a potentially more directly sexually stimulating type of bondage than lots of other kinds, especially for folks with penises. My reader explained that the constant pressure/tightness/friction of jeans against her husband’s junk is a fun way that they play with edging and teasing together.

Not everyone can physically wear tight jeans, and there are also people who may not want to wear jeans because of how it interacts with their sensory issues or similar. Some folks could also potentially struggle with jeans for gender reasons, in which case they might prefer to do this type of play with tight leggings, a corset, or any other restrictive garment that feels gender-affirming.

 

Is there porn that depicts this kink?

My reader told me that she hasn’t been able to find much of anything about it. Indie porn creators, maybe there’s a niche to be filled here! (I will also add that, for pretty much any niche fetish, the best way to get the porn of your dreams is to pay a content creator to make a custom clip just for you.)

In the past, I have sometimes seen “jeans fetish” videos that depicted people looking hot in jeans, often tight jeans, but this seemed to be more about fetishization of the clothing than the restriction it provides. I’ve also seen people wear jeans in porn focused on omorashi (a fetish for seeing people wet themselves or deal with the discomfort of having a full bladder), but, again, that’s not quite the same thing as jeans bondage.

If you know of any niche content focusing on this kink, feel free to link to it in the comments or email me about it!

 

If you want to try jeans bondage for the first time, what do you need to know? (Aside from everything else I’ve written above, that is!)

When I asked my reader this question, knowing that folks might read this post and get curious, there were a few main points she wanted to emphasize.

First of all, she feels it’s crucial that if you’re the dom in a jeans bondage scenario, you must compliment your sub profusely and frequently on how good they look in jeans, how sexy you find them in jeans, etc. This, she said, makes it easier for them to endure the discomfort of wearing tight jeans for extended periods. I totally agree, and this is a piece of advice I give often on my podcast and blog: if you want your partner to do something more often, you gotta compliment them when they do it well (or, in some cases, do it at all).

She advised that beginners “start small,” by initially using jeans that aren’t super tight, and working your way up from there if you want to. Again, really solid advice for any kink – jumping straight into the deep end is usually a bad idea, not least because it can scare you off something you otherwise might have learned to enjoy greatly.

She suggested that you agree in advance on how long the jeans will remain on before being removed, so that the parameters will be clear to both/all participants. My reader noted that she and her husband don’t use safewords but instead just decide the duration of their scene in advance, e.g. you can take the jeans off when the alarm rings in the morning. Personally I am always in favor of having safewords in place, but if you eroticize playing without safewords, please please please watch this video from Princess Kelley May about how to play without safewords in the safest ways possible.

 

Have you ever done (or thought about doing) anything like jeans bondage? What did you think?

 

As I mentioned, this post was sponsored, meaning that I was paid to write it. All writing and opinions are my own, except where I’m quoting or paraphrasing the reader who inspired this post, naturally.

4 Mistakes People Make When Buying BDSM Toys

Kate Sloan

As you might have inferred from the many photos on this blog that feature collars, paddles, cuffs, and so on, I love BDSM accessories so much! They can brighten and broaden your sex life in all sorts of delightful ways.

As someone who often advises folks on upgrading their sex toy collections, I often see the same mistakes being made over and over again. Here are some classic pitfalls to avoid when shopping for new kink toys…

 

Assuming their partner is on board

I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I saw customers doing this when I worked at sex shops. They would come in, a wicked smile on their face, and ask for my help picking out a bondage kit, or an electrostimulation toy, or wax-play candles… and when I inquired further, they would reveal that they had not discussed this with their partner, but just thought it’d be fun to surprise them with something spicy.

While there certainly are people who would consent to being surprised in this way, the key word there is consent. You can’t know if your partner has any interest in [x kink] if you’ve never discussed it with them. Chat with your person/people before shopping for new sex toys you plan on using together, so you don’t make them feel pressured when you show up unannounced with a scary implement in your hands – or, even better, involve them in the shopping process directly, so you can make decisions that work for both/all of you.

 

Not knowing the difference between aesthetic novelties and toys made for rough use

There are a lot of BDSM toys out there, and not all are created equal. Some are made durably enough to withstand even intense scenes between kinksters who play hard, while some would be more suitable for scenes where you’re moreso pretending to be restrained, or spanked, or collared, or whatever – scenes where it’s the idea of the act that matters, not the act itself.

For example, I have several different collars; some are mostly for aesthetics, and would tear or warp if someone tugged on them or attached them to a leash, while some are thick and sturdy enough that I can be yanked around by them without damaging the collar. Pay attention to material, quality of construction, price, and whether the company making the toy specializes in kink gear; these can all be indicators of how it’ll hold up under duress.

 

Ignoring safety in favor of aesthetics

For instance, while many people fetishize the aesthetic of metal handcuffs, they are actually not considered safe for kink usage. (Or presumably for any other usage. ACAB, forever and ever, amen.) They dig into your wrists, especially if secured too tightly, and can cause bruising, cuts, and even permanent nerve damage. Leather bondage toys are much safer, as are fabric ones.

I have also seen such travesties as spanking paddles with sharp edges, butt plugs with an insufficiently flared base, and gags that would make it nearly impossible to breathe if one’s nose became congested mid-scene. Think about potential safety concerns before you make any purchase, and read articles on safety by BDSM experts if you’re not sure.

 

Eyes too big for your… whatever

I’ll be the first to admit that I have made this mistake: bought dildos and butt plugs too huge for me to possibly use comfortably, thrown cute but mega-stingy paddles into my cart even though I know I dislike stingy pain, eyed spreader bars despite the knowledge that my legs don’t even spread that wide. It’s a normal human impulse to want to push yourself outside your comfort zone sometimes, but be conscious of which boundaries can be bent and which are actually limits.

If you get a toy home and discover it doesn’t work for you, some shops will let you return or exchange it. If it’s a non-porous product, you may be able to sanitize it and gift it to a friend or partner who’ll be able to make better use of it.

 

What mistakes have you made while shopping for kink toys?

 

This post was sponsored by the folks at Tracy’s Dog, who have recently released some new kink toys! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

7 Things That Help Me Sleep Much Better

Kate Sloan

Sleep has always been important to me, but especially so since I became chronically ill. A good night of sleep can be the difference, for me, between a day wracked with pain all over my body, fatigue, moodiness, and brain fog, and a day with minimal symptoms. Along with overall stress reduction, getting good sleep as much as possible has become a high-level priority for me as I adjust to life in a sicker, more susceptible body.

Recently I’ve added some new elements into my sleep routine that have made it much easier for me sleep deeply and stay asleep for most of the night. Here are some of my favorite “sleep accessories”…

 

A great eye mask

I shout about the benefits of eye masks to anyone who asks. I used to think they were just a silly, frivolous item that rich characters wore in movies to signal their decadent lethargy. But they actually help with sleep issues enormously! Sleep doctors recommend them for decreasing the amount of time it takes for you to fall asleep. I also find that they help me stay asleep for longer; my body and brain seem happiest when I wake up around 10:30–11:00 a.m. each day, but the sun tends to disturb my sleep long before that without an eye mask on.

The Nidra Deep Rest mask is my favorite one I’ve ever tried (and I’ve tried several). It has a Velcro-adjustable strap to account for different head sizes and pressure preferences, it is contoured to prevent light from getting in even if you have a big schnoz like mine, and it has hollow “eye cups” that allow for the natural eye-fluttering movements of REM sleep and put less pressure on your eyes (good for folks who want to avoid wrinkles). They did not pay me in any way to say this; I just genuinely love this product, to the point that I take it with me everywhere I travel so I can ensure I’ll sleep well.

 

Earplugs

I have lived in the downtown core of a major city for several years, and once had a roommate who would have sex at any hour of the day or night and whose sex noises were louder than any I’d ever heard in my life, even in porn… so, of course I’m familiar with the earplugs lifestyle! (Still very glad I left that apartment. Yeesh.)

On the advice of The Wirecutter (a publication that gives good product recommendations but is famously shitty to its employees, so I shan’t link to them), I recently bought a bunch of Mack’s slim-fit soft foam earplugs, and they’re great. You roll ’em up real small between your fingers, stick ’em in your ear, and they puff back up to their original size in there, creating a mild-to-moderate amount of noise reduction. For me, they don’t work well enough on their own (which is why I use a white noise app, below), but when combined with all this other stuff, they’re excellent.

 

White noise app

I think I am too traumatized, and my nervous system is too fucked up, for me to sleep as deeply as I used to 😂 I just find, these days, that even small noises can jostle me from dreamland. When earplugs weren’t doing enough, I decided I should add a white noise app into the mix.

There are dozens, if not hundreds, of these on the App Store, so take your pick! On the advice of my spouse, an app developer with an encyclopedic knowledge of the best apps, I decided to pay the $10 CAD that it cost to get the Dark Noise app. I was finding that a lot of the free white noise apps were cluttered with ads, locked their best stuff behind paywalls, or would crash or pause after several consecutive hours of use; I wanted something that would simply work, and Dark Noise is absolutely doing the trick.

The app has a lot of different sounds at the ready, but the track I play every night when I go to sleep these days is “pink noise,” which is white noise but with its higher frequencies reduced, so that it sounds more like a steady, heavy rainfall. I turn this on at a volume loud enough that I can scarcely hear noises happening elsewhere in the apartment, and keep my phone near my bed while it’s charging all night. The noise is so relaxing and unobtrusive that sometimes I wake up in the morning and go, “Wait, huh? Why did the pink noise get turned off?” and then I realize it’s still on, my ears just got so used to it that they basically filtered it out. Magic.

 

“Smart home” hub and smart bulbs

I’m aware that lots of people have security concerns around anything “smart home”-related, and also that this stuff is too expensive in a lot of cases, which sucks. But I recently decided to treat myself to a HomePod mini and some smart bulbs for all the lights in my room, figuring that it would make my life easier as a chronically fatigued person if I could control the lights and audio in my room with my voice.

It’s been soooo helpful, I can’t even tell you. There are days when my fatigue is so crushingly intense that even picking up my phone from my nightstand feels like too much effort; it’s on those days that I can ask Siri, through the HomePod, to read me my texts, or reply to them, or play my “Energy” playlist to get me moving, or remind me what deadlines are on my calendar, or turn the lights off so I can take a nap, or turn the lights on so I can wake the fuck up. It has revolutionized my life.

I’ve configured many different “scenes” in my Home app – for example, saying “Hey Siri, bisexual” turns the lights pink and blue, while “Hey Siri, I’m doing my makeup” instantly brightens the lamp closest to my makeup area so I can do my face. Some of these have been super helpful in getting to sleep more easily, particularly one called “I’m going to bed.” When I tell Siri that I am indeed going to bed, she turns off all the lights but one, which she makes a rich shade of purple, and then she plays rain sounds on a speaker. This is the perfect setting for those “wind-down” minutes where I’ve gotten into bed and am reading, or taking one last look at my phone, before settling in for the night. At that point I say, “Hey Siri, good night!” and she turns off all the lights and sounds for me.

 

An amazingly soft pillow

Pillow preference is as personal as sex toy preference; I can’t tell you what will work for you, but I can tell you what works for me and how that relates to my preferences and needs, so you can figure out whether my recommendation will work for you.

I’m usually a side-sleeper, occasionally a back-sleeper. My neck and shoulders get depressingly sore if I sleep on a pillow that’s too flat. I sometimes feel too hot when I sleep and sometimes too cold. I spend a lot of time reading or writing in bed, so I prefer pillows that are suitable for sleep and sitting-up activities.

The Nest Easy Breather pillow (another Wirecutter recommendation) is the best pillow I’ve ever owned. It’s stuffed with shredded foam, so you can remove however much you want to get your desired fluffiness level, but I’ve left all of it in. It’s simultaneously supportive and soft. Can’t recommend it highly enough!

 

A fantastic wand vibrator

Okay, this one is kind of a joke… but also kind of not! When I’m feeling too sexually agitated to sleep – or just having trouble sleeping – sometimes a quick orgasm is the best solution. And wands are usually the easiest way for me to achieve that.

My all-time favorite is the Magic Wand Rechargeable; lately I’ve also enjoyed the slightly more petite Zalo Kyro. If you want to lean into the nighttime theme, Bodywand makes a glow-in-the-dark wand for some reason. No idea if it’s any good, but at least you could find it in a hurry if you needed to!

 

What products help you sleep better?