Review: Lelo Enigma

Kate Sloan

I never know what to expect when a new Lelo toy launches.

Will it be a cissexist and elitist nightmare, like the Pino, their “cock ring for bankers”? Will it be a baffling controversy, like their decision to hire a known domestic abuser as the spokesman for their infamously structurally unsound condoms? Will it injure people’s clits, like their Sona? Or will it be good?

Lelo toys really are a crapshoot these days. For every new one that I like, there tends to be at least one new release that I’m… substantially less fond of. So you can see why I was intrigued by, but simultaneously wary of, their new dual-stimulation toy, the Enigma. My friends at Mindful were kind enough to send me one, and I put it to the test.

 

The Enigma is one of Lelo’s most visually appealing toys in years. It doesn’t look like a Super Mario character or something from Christian Grey’s nightstand; it comes in black or a deep shade of rose, and both colorways have a panel of iridescent pink/purple plating that lends the toy a nifty space-age aesthetic.

The Enigma is Lelo’s attempt at a category of toy that seems popular these days: pressure-wave stimulation focused on the clit, paired with an internal arm that vibrates against the G-spot. This combination is purported to help create blended orgasms through stimulation of the entire clitoris, internal and external. I’m a big fan of holistic clit stim (as opposed to stimulation that focuses only on the tip or visible portion of the clit), so I was curious how well this toy would work for me.

As with many dual-stimulation toys, you can’t easily use the Enigma’s two parts separately. If, for example, you wanted to warm yourself up with clitoral stimulation before inserting the G-spot portion of the toy, you could tuck the vibrating part between your legs to get it out of the way while the toy’s “mouth” attended to your clit, but in that position the vibrating arm starts to stray into butt territory, which you may or may not want. I found I was able to flip the toy around the other way, so that the vibrating arm presses into my external G-spot, which feels nice while I’m getting myself turned on – but if you’re looking for a toy that can be either a clit stimulator or a G-spot vibrator, you’ll have to look elsewhere, because this one is unavoidably both at once.

Part of the annoyance in trying to use the toy’s functions separately is that they can’t be controlled separately. When the toy is on, both of its functions are on; when you turn up the intensity on one, you’re turning it up on the other simultaneously. I’m not a fan of dual-stim toys that work this way, because I often find myself wanting (for example) gentle clit stimulation coupled with more intense G-spot vibration, or I may at times prefer patterns on my G-spot and steady sensation on my clit.

It’s annoying that a toy retailing for $189 doesn’t have the fairly common feature of allowing each of its functions to be controlled independently. Part of me wonders if this choice was actually made in order to keep the cost down – Lelo’s other dual-stimulation toys retail for as much as $249 – but, frankly, other sex toy companies have been able to implement this feature at lower price points, so I don’t think that’s much of an excuse. (The We-Vibe Nova 2 costs $149. I’ve seen vibes as cheap as $40 that had this feature.)

 

But aside from that main gripe, I don’t have many bad things to say about the Enigma. Using it for the first time, I immediately noticed that it seemed better-designed than many other Lelo toys in terms of how it fits human anatomy (mine, anyway). The flexible neck allows for a greater variability of distance between a user’s clit and vaginal opening, and the G-spot arm is curved such that it finds my spot with hardly any finagling.

The “mouth” on the clitoral portion isn’t as generously-sized as that of my favorite Lelo pressure-wave toy, the Sila, but it’s still large enough that I didn’t feel like it was over-focusing on the sensitive tip of my clit like these types of toys often do. I wish its “lips” were more rounded-off or flat, though, rather than having an abrupt edge that sometimes feels slightly uncomfortable against my delicate clit.

For me, the Enigma delivered the blended orgasms it promised. It’s powerful and rumbly enough that I never wondered if I’d be able to achieve orgasm with it; I knew from the start that I would, which is rare for me when testing new toys. Once it’s anchored in place against my clit and G-spot, the Enigma stays put pretty well even when used hands-free; I can get off with it easily with some well-timed pelvic clenches and some potent sexual fantasies or porn to excite my mind.

The toy has various patterns, and you can control the intensity of each pattern. I’m normally not much of a patterns fan but these ones are acceptable – there’s not much space in between the pulses and waves, so they actually build my arousal rather than stopping it cold. Patterned vibrations on my G-spot also create the sensation of movement, making the Enigma’s relatively small G-spot arm feel ever-so-slightly more like a cock is fucking me.

My orgasms with this toy are similar to the ones I experience with most pressure-wave toys – sometimes almost painfully intense, but sometimes more in the neighborhood of “wait, was that an orgasm?” However, the addition of G-spot vibration makes the latter type less frequent for me. Orgasms with this toy are satisfying, but the sensation is quite odd if you’re not used to it (and even sometimes if you are). This is why I tend to recommend people try a cheaper a pressure-wave toy, like the Satisfyer Pro 2, before deciding if they want a fancier one.

 

The Lelo Enigma is waterproof and well-constructed. Its control panel is easy to understand, except that it sometimes takes more than one press of a button to get it to actually do anything (a common problem with Lelo toys). It’s a gorgeous, high-quality toy that mostly lives up to its high price point – except for not being able to control the components separately from one another.

If you’re looking for a dual-stim toy that combines pressure waves with G-spot vibration, I think it’s hard to go past the Enigma. I’ve tried several toys in this category over the past year or two and this is definitely the nicest, rumbliest, and most pleasurable one I’ve tried. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll work for you, because pressure-wave toys are odd and dual-stimulation toys are notoriously anatomy-dependent – but I think it’s relatively unparalleled in its category.

I don’t know what mystery the Enigma’s name refers to, but it’s solved at least one: the mystery of why Lelo is still such a popular sex toy brand, despite all their various missteps. Quite simply, they make good toys… occasionally.

 

Thanks to my friends at Mindful for sending me this product to try! This post was sponsored, meaning that I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Sexual Fantasies I Have About Sex Work

Kate Sloan

1. As a special gift – perhaps for a birthday or an anniversary – my partner hires an escort who is trained in the fine art of cunnilingus. While I lay there blindfolded, my partner gives explicit verbal instructions to our guest for the evening, first on how to tease and arouse me, and later on how to lick and suck my clit until I’m an incoherent wet mess.

Later that night, after our new friend has left, we lie in bed together eating ice cream and debriefing. I feel safe, supported, and loved.

 

2. I’m at an upscale lingerie store, staring longingly at a deep red lacy bra and its matching panties and garter belt. The price tags, when I glance at them, set off a spike of adrenaline in my body due to their sheer lunacy: $440 for the bra, $250 for the panties. I don’t even want to look at the price of the garter belt.

“Excuse me, miss,” says a random man I hadn’t noticed skulking in the stockings section. He’s tall and handsome in a nondescript way, like a detective in a film noir. “If you don’t mind me saying so, those would look wonderful on you, and it would be my honor to pay for them.” He holds out a credit card, golden and heavy, nodding toward the cash register, where the bored-looking sales clerk seems to already know this man’s M.O.

I smile coolly, take the card and the garments to the front, and tell the clerk, “These are on him.” My smirk makes him visibly tremble as he signs the sales receipt.

 

3. I submit an application to join a house of elite London escorts and subsequently find myself invited in for an interview. As it turns out, the “interview” is really a rigorous test of sexual technique, aimed at ascertaining my skill level so as to figure out how to price my services, or indeed, whether to hire me at all.

The house has invited some beloved regulars to be our test subjects for the day. Surrounded by other brothel hopefuls, I suck cock after cock, showing off my blowjob skills, possibly my greatest asset in this hiring process. After a particularly satisfying orgasm, one of the men says to the madam of the house, “You should hire this one – her tongue is magic,” and I glow with pleasure at the vaguely dehumanizing praise.

 

4. A client flies me out to his city for a long weekend date. As I climb out of the Uber he sent to the airport and begin dragging my suitcase up the steps to the fancy hotel where we’ll be staying, I get a text from him. Sorry, darling – something came up at work. Can we raincheck until next month? Make yourself comfortable and get whatever you’d like from room service, on me.

I smile serenely in the elevator, let myself into the clean white room with a shiny keycard, and collapse happily on the enormous bed. Later, I take a sex toy or two into the massive bathtub that overlooks the city, and get myself off decadently like no client ever could.

 

5. I catch the attention of an influential congressperson so as to pitch them on the importance of rights and protections for sex workers, they subsequently make an impassioned speech on the house floor, and every politician in attendance wipes tears from their eyes as they vote to repeal SESTA/FOSTA and decriminalize sex work permanently at the federal level.

Okay, that one isn’t so much a sexual fantasy… but it’s definitely something I ponder ardently from time to time.

Write to your local politicians and make it clear to them that you care about sex workers’ rights. Sign petitions, donate to SWOP Behind Bars and Red Light Legal, and advocate for people to respect and decriminalize sex work. People in that industry may be hot as hell, but they’re also human, and they’ve suffered more than their fare share of discrimination and stigmatization. It has to stop.

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

4 Toys That Stimulate the Internal Clitoris

Kate Sloan

The clitoris has long been considered a mystery – particularly by male stand-up comedians in the 1990s, who seemed like they’d rather spend their time searching for sexist punchlines than for the clit – but, on the plus side, we know more about it now than we ever have.

We know, for example, that it is the anatomical pleasure equivalent of the penis – meaning that a person with a vulva having an orgasm without clitoral stimulation is about as uncommon and difficult as a person with a penis coming without penile stimulation (i.e. doable for some people under certain circumstances, but certainly not for everyone all the time). We know that many people prefer indirect clitoral stimulation, because the tip of the clit is extremely sensitive for many of us. We know that the clitoris is made of erectile tissue just like the penis, which swells with arousal. And we also know that the clit, like the penis, has both an external portion and an internal portion – but unlike the penis, the clitoris is essentially an iceberg. The part you can see is only a small part of the whole story.

This discovery, made by Australian urologist Helen O’Connell in 2005, utterly changed how the clitoris is thought about and discussed. There are even theories that the pleasure some people feel from their internal erogenous zones, like the G-spot and A-spot, is actually just the result of indirect internal clit stimulation. I don’t know enough to decide whether or not I agree with that, but I do know that it impresses me greatly when a date/beau/partner has a grasp of internal clitoral anatomy and can use it to their advantage in bed. Just like how most penis-possessing people probably prefer a partner touch their whole dick, not just the head, so too do many clitoris-owners prefer a holistic approach to their clitoral pleasure.

With that in mind, I’ve partnered with the folks at Mivaness to put together this list of sex toys that stimulate the internal clitoris. Try these out if you’re curious about the deeper pleasures of clitoral stimulation!

 

Image via Mivaness

We-Vibe Nova 2 (my full review here)

This sleek, sexy vibe has everything I want in a dual-stimulation toy. It’s elegant. It’s waterproof. You can control each component of it separately, so as to customize your perfect pleasure experience. It’s strong and rumbly as hell. And most notably, it sandwiches your entire clit – internal and external – between its two “arms,” creating the sensation of having your whole clit surrounded by delicious vibration.

I love the flexibility of the Nova 2 – in addition to its motor, it’s the major thing setting it apart from lesser rabbit vibes on the market. The internal arm is poseable, so you can angle it however feels best, and the external arm moves and flexes with your body, so you can thrust the toy in and out as needed without fear of ruining your own orgasm. This is overall a gorgeous vibe for connoisseurs of full-bodied clitoral pleasure.

 

Image via Mivaness

Dame Arc (my full review here)

I hear from a lot of people that they want to enjoy G-spot stimulation, but it just doesn’t feel as good as clitoral stimulation and/or it gives them a feeling of needing to pee. That impending-urination sensation is normal, especially if you’re unused to G-spot play or haven’t gotten yourself highly aroused before stimulating that area; if you empty your bladder beforehand and perhaps lay down a towel for some peace of mind, you should be totally fine.

But as for that first complaint – that G-spot stim doesn’t feel as good as clit stim – I think the Dame Arc is the exact type of vibe that could help shift your perspective on that. It’ll rumble against your internal clit while you do whatever you like to the external part: rub it, stroke it, use another vibrator on it, or whatever else works for you.

Over time, you might find that you come to associate your G-spot with pleasure even if you didn’t initially feel that way – and all because you tapped into the power of the internal clitoris!

 

Image via Mivaness

Lelo Sila (my full review here)

Many “pressure-wave” toys, like the Womanizer and Satisfyer, claim to stimulate the entire clitoris with their unconventional sensations. I can say, however, that the Lelo Sila does this better for me than any other pressure-wave product I’ve tried.

It has a bigger/wider/deeper “mouth,” so it can envelop the head and shaft of your external clit even as you get more aroused – and it also has those flat “lips” around its opening which indirectly stimulate the legs and bulbs of the internal clit during use. It creates a deeper, rumblier sensation than any other toy I’ve tried of this type, at least for my particular anatomy.

I think if you’re a diehard fan of clitoral stimulation but you want to branch out a little, something like the Sila might help you explore the profound pleasures of internal clit stim.

 

Image via Mivaness

Magic Wand Rechargeable (my full review here)

A classic, and for good reason! The extreme power and rumbliness of the Magic Wand makes it ideal for stimulating the deeply buried parts of the clitoris, even though you’re (probably) only using it externally.

When you hold a vibrator this rumbly against your clit – or even against the areas above, beside, or below it – you’re vibrating the tissue underneath as well, including some of the internal clitoris. This is likely one of the reasons some people need vibration to get off: for some people, surface-level stimulation just isn’t enough. And once you’ve seen a diagram of the whole clit, it’s easy to see why.

The Magic Wand can also be kitted out with insertable attachments that enable you to stimulate your G-spot with its intense vibrations. I encourage you to experiment and figure out what feels best for your body!

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Behind the Seams: Extra-Long Jam-Packed Edition

Kate Sloan

September 28, 2021

My mom’s birthday was just days after my book’s release day, and I had to travel to New York to do the launch event, so I wanted to take her out for a special one-on-one meal before I left to make it up to her.

We went to Mezes, a fabulous restaurant in Toronto’s Greektown area. My family and I lived in Greektown for about 25 years, so Greek food was a big part of my childhood and always feels nostalgic to me. Chicken souvlaki skewers with tzatziki, a Greek salad heaped high with feta, and some roasted potatoes = possibly the ideal meal. (I’m clutching my leftovers in a to-go box in one of these photos – can’t let any of it go to waste!)

My mom has a fun, girly sense of style so I usually like to dress cute when I hang out with her. She looked cute as hell too!

What I’m wearing:

• Pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Black T-shirt underneath (unseen)
• Black bandage skirt – Suzy Shier
• Black leggings – H&M
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Raspberry-pink crossbody bag – Coach
• Black KN95 mask (these have become my absolute faves for my everyday pandemic needs; a good nose wire is crucial for someone with a formidable schnoz like mine)

October 3, 2021

Matt picked this outfit for me for a date night involving incredible omakase sushi followed by a stand-up comedy show at the Beauty Bar. A friend-of-a-friend was performing and we wanted to support them.

It’s a really wild venue – like a dive bar decorated by rockabilly drag queens. But the bartenders were friendly, the atmosphere was good, and the show was delightful.

Matt and I were wearing matching outfits, and we sat in the front row as we often do, so pretty much every comedian on the bill made a joke or two about our matchy-matchy vibes. The hazards of sitting in the front row, am I right?! (I’m kidding – it was all in good fun.)

What I’m wearing:

• Orange skater dress – American Apparel, vintage via eBay
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• Raspberry-pink crossbody bag – Coach

October 12, 2021

This was what I wore on my book‘s release day! I spent most of the day frantically posting things about it on social media, answering questions about it, etc. and also recorded an episode of the Bed Post podcast with the inimitable Erin Pim.

The actual book launch party wasn’t until the following day, so I had RSVPed “yes” to a party being thrown by the sex toy brand Womanizer at the Jimmy, a beautiful rooftop bar. The company was celebrating its seventh birthday by inviting a bunch of sex media VIPs to mingle over cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. I get invited to this type of event semi-regularly but often have to decline because of geography (i.e. not always being in NYC or LA) or health (i.e. being chronically ill and sleepy as fuck), so it was fun to actually get to go to one!

At the party, Matt and I sipped martinis and chatted with several New York media people. I had a copy of my book in my bag and Matt kept finding excuses to show it to people and brag about me 🥰

The brand very generously sent us home with (among other things) an Arcwave Ion, which Matt had been dying to try. If you’re curious and want a preview of what my eventual review will say, listen to the latest Dildorks Patreon bonus episode!

What I’m wearing:

• Green velvet dress – H&M
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – H&M
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay many moons ago

October 13, 2021

In pondering what I might want to wear to my book launch party, I scoured online stores for dresses in the colors of the book cover, black and gold… but eventually I remembered that I already had a dress in those colors! This beaut was a gift from my cousin and his girlfriend a couple Christmases ago and it was perfect for the occasion: classy, sparkly, and pretty.

The launch itself was soooo much fun! I will eventually write a whole post about it once I get the photos back from our photographer that evening, Ashe. I read some passages aloud from the book, did some kinky demos with Matt and Bex, and sold + signed copies afterward. There were tons of fascinating, lovely people there, all of whom I was so honored had come to my little event. Thanks so much to Matt, Bex, Ashe, and the KGB Bar for helping me put the whole thing together!

Also, doesn’t Matt look stunning?! Navy velvet is so perf on them.

What I’m wearing:

• Black & gold dress – gift
• Black tights – Hue
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Sparkly red heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino (at one point during the evening this was removed from my neck so Matt could use it as a pendulum for our hypnosis demo – it’s a multi-use item!)

October 16, 2021

October is “Locktober” in the chastity community – many chastity kinksters get locked up for the entire month (with breaks as needed for hygiene and maintenance etc.), often also blogging/posting about their experiences. This year was Matt and I’s second time doing it. It wasn’t always easy, particularly since dominance requires more energy from me than I generally have these days, and I was dealing with work stress (i.e. my book launch) on top of some health issues, so I wasn’t able to be as responsible and focused a dominant as I would have liked. But it was still a fun opportunity to try new things, gain confidence in domination, and assign cute tasks to my partner that make us both happy.

Some of those tasks were related to financial domination, i.e. consensually “forcing” them to buy me things. One night, when they had given me the green light for findom, I gave them a slow, teasing handjob to almost the point of orgasm and then informed them that they’d have to buy me this bag if they wanted to be allowed to come. (I’d had my eye on it for quite a while…) Naturally, they succumbed, so now, the bag is mine! *maniacal domme laughter*

I wore this out to Rocco’s Steakhouse for dinner. Their service is always impeccable and their food is A+. Would recommend.

What I’m wearing:

• Red dress – Winners years ago
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Pink chevron-stitched Coach Rogue bag – vintage via eBay, a gift from my love (the all-black version is also gorg)

October 17, 2021

My partner and I have had many, many, many conversations about gender – which makes sense, given that they’re nonbinary, we’re both bisexual, and I write about sex/kink/love/gender issues for a living. We were recently discussing our gender expressions and whether we feel like they fully reflect our gender identities, and I said that I’m comfy presenting as a mega-femme like 95% of the time but there is another 5% of the time when I crave dressing like a dirtbag teenage boy, basically. Matt told me that they would still find me attractive AF if I leaned more into that side of my style, and while I knew that, it was still good to hear.

This was my first time wearing a new pair of jeans I’d just bought at Madewell. It was an experiment in boyishness for an outing to a casual local omakase place. I think the experiment was very successful!

What I’m wearing:

• Dark blue T-shirt – Forever 21
• Tapered vintage-wash high-rise jeans – Madewell
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – custom-made on Printful.com

October 24, 2021

Every so often, when I’m in New York, I like to check out the Museum of Sex to see what they’re up to. They were recently running a Betty Dodson exhibit, and Betty is a legend in the realm of sex-positive feminism, so I knew I had to check it out.

Matt and I went together and spent a few hours perusing the entire exhibit as well as the others on offer. We saw so many things: vulva paintings, robots fucking, up-close masturbation videos, cunnilingus sketches, a Whack-a-Mole-esque game involving jerking off dildos in a fake bathroom stall, and lots more. Should you ever find yourself in New York, I would recommend putting the Museum of Sex on your itinerary, if just because the sex shop in their lobby is as well-curated as the museum itself!

What I’m wearing:

• Purple “The Morning After” T-shirt – Threadless (I am normally somewhat squicked by both vomit and clowns but for some reason this shirt fills me with glee)
• High-rise jeans – Madewell
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• Apple Watch on a rainbow striped band

October 29, 2021

I was feeling truly uninspired when trying to come up with a Halloween costume (I mean, I’m in my late 20s during a pandemic, so maybe that’s par for the course). But I had recently re-watched The Notorious Bettie Page, a perennially inspiring biopic of the late great pinup model, and had felt (as I always do when I watch that movie) a pang of desire to cut my hair into her signature style. I just don’t have the energy to iron my bangs pin-straight on a daily basis, though, so I figured it made more sense to dress as her for Halloween.

Bettie doesn’t really have a signature outfit, per se – her most famous photos show her in everything from lingerie to bikinis to fetishwear to leopard-print bodysuits. So I decided to keep it classic and wear the type of sexy black dress she would’ve worn, paired with some period-appropriate heels and, of course, this terrific wig. I don’t know if anyone really knew who I was at the house party we went to, but whatever, I felt and looked cute as hell!

What I’m wearing:

• Bettie Page wig – a brand called Difei on Amazon (it came with a wig cap and a pair of false lashes!)
• Black wiggle dress – Grace Karin (the same brand that made my wedding dress, incidentally)
• Black mary-jane pumps – J. Adams (surprisingly comfortable)

Review: Balldo

Kate Sloan

Every so often, a sex toy comes along that is so unusual, so wild, so unprecedented that I feel the need to shout about it to nearly everyone I talk to.

There was the vibrating teddy bear. There was the blowjob mirror. There were the butt plug shoes. And now, there is the Balldo.

I first heard about the Balldo back in January, when a press release about it popped into my inbox. The email called the product “the first dildo that uses your balls for penetrative sex.” I laughed out loud and texted my partner about it, thinking that this product could not possibly actually do what it purported to do. I archived the email. I thought that would be the end of it.

But then I kept getting press releases about it every so often, and kept looking at photos and videos of it online, trying to understand how it worked. And I kept bringing it up in conversations with friends, like, “Can you believe the things that people in the sex toy industry come up with?!” And somehow, amid all of that, I became quite certain: I needed to try the Balldo. I just had to know: Did it work as advertised? More importantly: Was it good?

Image via Balldo

WTF is the Balldo, and how do you use it?

The Balldo is a stretchy silicone apparatus that you slip onto your (shaved, lubed) testicles. It’s essentially a dildo that you can attach to your balls, with some open sections that allow your scrotum and balls to be stimulated while it’s on. The product also comes with two “spacer rings” which serve to “make your balls rigid enough for penetration.” You can slip them over the Balldo and down to the base of your balls once the Balldo is already on, if need be.

Putting it on can be tricky, especially if you’re not used to using cock rings and other stretchy toys on your dick and/or balls. My partner is quite experienced with such things, though, being a chastity cage aficionado and cock-ring enthusiast, and it takes them about 30 seconds to a minute to get their Balldo on. But once it’s on, it stays anchored in place pretty well. We would recommend that the wearer be the person to put the Balldo on themselves, rather than having a partner put it on them, because it’s a challenging task in a delicate area – but when Matt puts their Balldo on, it’s not a painful process at all, just perhaps a bit uncomfortable for a few seconds.

Once the Balldo is on and lubed up, you’re ready to fuck your partner with your balls. You can use it to fuck someone vaginally or anally (or, I guess, orally too, although if you’re gonna do that, it’s probably easier to just lick/suck someone’s naked balls, unless the phallic shape is part of your fantasy).

Image via Balldo

What does “ballsex” feel like?

The first time my partner and I used the Balldo together, they came literally the moment their balls slid inside me. That is not an exaggeration.

They said that it felt like my cunt was squeezing the cum out of their balls, which is… quite a salient thought, for someone who has a “milking” fantasy like they do. We were in the doggie-style position and I heard their telltale orgasmic moans as their cum exploded across my back. Giggles burst out of me immediately. I had anticipated a number of different possibilities for how our first Balldo session would go, but this was not one of them. It was hot!

During that testing session as well as subsequent ones, my partner has definitely experienced the fabled “ballgasm” lauded by the toy’s inventors and testers. They’ve described it as an orgasm that feels centered in their balls, and is qualitatively quite different from penile or prostate orgasms. Depending on what position you choose, your dick might end up rubbing against your partner’s body with every thrust as well, adding further stimulation that might help push you over the edge if ball stimulation isn’t enough on its own.

From the receiving end of things, I have to say that the Balldo doesn’t feel all that impressive. It’s definitely cool that I can feel my partner’s balls in me, and I like that every little squeeze of my vaginal muscles feels highly impactful for them, but the actual dildo part of the Balldo leaves something to be desired. I wish it was a little longer and/or wider, although it’s likely there are legit physics-related reasons why it couldn’t be designed that way.

It’s unlikely I could reach orgasm while being fucked by the Balldo, because orgasm during penetrative sex is already pretty tricky/rare for me and the precarious nature of “ballsex” (as I’ll describe below) just makes that even more true. When we’ve tested it, generally my partner has gotten me off either beforehand or afterward, via oral, toys, or other means. However, the mental aspect of being fucked by a partner’s balls can be super exciting (depending on your kinks/turn-ons); orgasm is not the only indicator of whether a person enjoyed themselves, and I always do enjoy myself when we use the Balldo, because I like causing and witnessing my partners’ pleasure, even in unconventional ways.

Ease-of-use issues & things to keep in mind

Positioning is one of the trickiest aspects of using the Balldo. Both of us wish that the company’s website or the product’s instructions provided information about suggested positions. I’m sure it depends on individual anatomy to some extent, but we found that the Balldo is just too floppy and difficult to manoeuvre in many positions. Insertion seems to be easiest when the person wearing the Balldo is thrusting their balls downward into a partner’s hole, working with gravity rather than against it. The missionary and doggie-style positions can both be adapted to suit the Balldo well, but we’ve found that the best one (for us, anyway) is me at the edge of the bed and them standing in front of me on the floor. This seems to give them the best leverage and makes insertion feel easier than in other positions.

We have an ongoing issue where their balls will slip out of me if we’re not careful. It seems to help if I pull my knees closer to my chest (or even rest my feet on my partner’s shoulders) so that my vagina is angled further upward than usual. But partly, this slippage issue is just the result of the general awkwardness of trying to thrust with your balls when you’re used to thrusting with your cock. Like using a strap-on, using the Balldo requires that your thrusts take on a different centre of gravity, and you may need to practice several times before you’ll really get the hang of it.

My partner and I use condoms when we have PIV sex, but not when we use the Balldo. This is a personal decision based on our own risk tolerances, but it won’t necessarily be the right decision for everyone (and frankly, I’m not sure how one would go about having safer sex with the Balldo, if one was worried about herpes or another STI that can spread via skin contact – maybe an internal condom would work?). We both enjoy the comparative intimacy of their balls being inside me without a barrier – the softness and warmth add to the overall pleasure for both of us.

One thing I hadn’t thought much about before using the Balldo is the sheer amount of cum that can get on both of you when you use this toy. Naturally, when my partner’s balls are inside me, their dick is outside of me, and so, when they have a ballgasm, one or both of us get sprayed with their cum. This is fun and hot in some ways, but also introduces additional risk as far as STI transmission and pregnancy. I always get nervous, for example, that some of the cum will drip into my vag and knock me up. To reduce the odds of this, you could wipe up/wash off ASAP after sex (which is what we do), or you could take the extra step of wearing a condom on your dick while using the Balldo.

Image via Balldo

Aesthetics, packaging & marketing

I was delighted that Balldo sent us the purple version of their toy (which looks to me more like hot pink), as opposed to the standard grey version. My partner is nonbinary, and far too many toys for people with penises are marketed in a hyper-masculine way (more on that in a sec), so it’s nice to have a more “feminine-leaning” color option. It’s also just a fantastic shade of pink.

On the topic of gender… Balldo, like many other sex toy companies, uses a lot of unnecessarily gendered language in their marketing and product copy. So much so that, when our Balldo arrived while my partner was at work, I marked up the included press sheet to make them laugh and hopefully make them feel less othered by the product. It’s 2021, and by now, I really expect sex toy companies to know better than to assume that everyone who has balls is a man, or that all men have balls. Why go to the trouble of making a pink/purple Balldo, which could theoretically be gender-euphoric (or at least not actively dysphoric) for nonbinary and transfeminine people, if you’re not going to follow through on that inclusivity with the language you use?

The packaging in which we received our Balldo was not as nice as the reusable packaging shown on their website, but that’s not a huge deal in my view because I tend to get rid of most sex toy packaging anyway (it just takes up too much space once you own dozens+ of toys). I do wish it came with a storage bag, though, because it would be easy to misplace one or both of the spacer rings if I was transporting them loose in a purse or suitcase.

Image via Balldo

Final thoughts

Will the Balldo become a regular part of our sex life? You know, I actually think it might! Chastity play has become a significant part of my sex life with my partner, and it’s fun to experiment with various “dick substitutes” when they’re locked up, from strap-ons to fingers to the Balldo. It also fits nicely with our fantasies – among others, theirs for being “milked” and mine for having a magic pussy that makes people come uncontrollably.

I’ve just… truly never tried a toy like this, in all my years of sex toy reviewing. I am such a crotchety old sex writer sometimes, complaining about how hardly anyone does anything truly innovative in this industry anymore, and I’m impressed that the folks at Balldo managed to make something actually new. In doing so, they may even launch entirely new genres of sex, porn, and fantasies. The future has arrived!

If you already know you like having your balls stimulated, it’s quite possible you’d love the Balldo. But even if that’s not the case, I think it’s worth checking out if you and your partner(s) are sexually adventurous and driven by curiosity. Hey, even if it doesn’t work for you, at least you’ll have a great story to tell your friends!

 

Thanks so much to Balldo for sending me their product to review! This post was not sponsored – I was not compensated for writing it in any way, aside from receiving a free sample of the product. Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, however.