Some Stuff I’ve Been Doing Lately

Hi, all! Regular readers may have noticed it’s been a minute since I did a Monthly Faves round-up. In all honesty, I’ve been super exhausted a lot of the time, due to a mix of professional factors (i.e. launching my first book!!) and medical factors, and I just haven’t had the energy to do a Monthly Faves in a while.

But usually those are the posts where I brag about the stuff I’ve been up to lately, and I’ve been up to a lot lately – so I thought I’d collect some of my recent media appearances, published articles, etc. into one place so you can check ’em out if you’d like to. Here’s some of what I’ve been working on, as of late…

 

Audio

  • My friends at the Off the Cuffs podcast invited me onto their show again to talk about the process of writing my book. We also discussed a listener-submitted question about DD/lg dynamics.
  • The folks at Off the Cuffs also invited me to discuss the movie Red Eye with them for a Patreon bonus segment. It’s one of the horniest, kinkiest movies I’ve ever seen, and also definitely one of my favorite thrillers, so I was glad to chat about it with such smart pervs!
  • The delightful Erin Pim and I talked on her podcast about the kinky stuff in my book, harm reduction in BDSM, and sexuality in Mean Girls, among other things. Lots of giggling in this one!
  • I had a fun time repeat-guesting on What Women* Want. We talked about my book, my experiences trying various kinks I wrote about in the book, and some other miscellany about sexuality and gender.
  • I chatted with Aria Vega on the POV by Lustery podcast about my book, kink/BDSM/fetishes, chronic pain, and more. (Doesn’t Aria have such a gorgeous voice?!)
  • As per usual, I’ve been cohosting weekly episodes of The Dildorks, on all manner of sexual subjects.
  • We wrapped up season 2 of Question Box back in September, after a fun-filled season where we were lucky to chat with fascinating guests, from a storytelling coach to a dating expert to a fiber artist to a fitness instructor.

 

Video

  • I was blessed to get to do a book launch event on Glad Day TV which was so fun! I read some chapters from the book and chatted with Tianna about the writing process, readers’ reactions to the book, my philosophy in writing it, etc.
  • Phoebe D. invited me onto her video podcast, Sexuality After, for a wide-ranging chat about my roots as a sex educator, my forays into kink, some common dating difficulties, and various other things. Fun fact (I guess): I did this interview while quarantining at my parents’ house and dealing with a mystery illness (not COVID), hence the congested voice and loopy thought processes!

 

Writing

Review: Tracy’s Dog OG Pro2

There’s a lot to like about the Tracy’s Dog OG Pro2 – it’s waterproof, made of smooth silicone, has a powerful motor and an elegant aesthetic – but I just don’t think my body is cut out for this type of toy.

It’s a good idea in theory: a pressure-wave clitoral stimulator attached to a vibrating internal portion to hit the G-spot. I have enjoyed some other toys of this type before, and I’ve enjoyed this one too. The issue for me, though, is that generally with this type of toy you can’t use just one part of it at a time – you have to use both. You can’t, for example, get turned on by using just the clitoral stimulator, until you’re wet enough to insert the G-spot arm. You also can’t use the G-spot arm internally by itself without the external part blocking access to your clit. For this reason, I’m glad that this vibrator only costs $59.99 – I’d be hesitant to spend much more than that on a toy that lacks versatility the way this one does.

That said, if you already know for a fact that you like clitoral pressure waves paired with G-spot stimulation (likely because you’ve used two separate toys to achieve this purpose before), the OG Pro2 could be a good upgrade for you. It pairs intense clitoral stimulation with deep, rumbly G-spot vibration, and is one of the best toys of this type that I’ve tried, at a reasonable price point.

I just don’t think I’m the ideal person to use this toy. I prefer to start at a mild level of external-only stimulation and work my way up to higher intensities and dual stimulation, and this type of product doesn’t really allow for that. Its settings, both internally and externally, start at a pretty intense level for my preferences. That, alongside the logistical impossibility of using either of the toy’s two functions separately, makes it so that I have to warm myself up with my hands and/or other toys prior to using this toy, every time. I find that somewhat irritating because, when I buy a sex toy, I want it to be able to take me through the whole arousal process from start to finish. But if you only tend to reach for a toy once you’re already turned on, then this would be a moot point for you.

Another reason I’m not terribly fond of the OG Pro2 is that it’s pretty damn loud. Both of its functions make enough noise to be clearly audible from across a (large) room, though perhaps not through a closed door. I tried using this toy in the bath, and even underwater it made enough of a racket that I got a little self-conscious about being heard.

The clitoral stimulation portion of this toy just… doesn’t feel that good to me. It’s high-pitched/”buzzy,” as far as pressure-wave stimulation goes, meaning that it doesn’t feel like it resonates in the deeper tissues of my internal clit. It’s also shaped in a way that makes it abnormally easy for me to accidentally break the suction seal created by the toy just by moving around slightly, the way I normally do while masturbating. The button that controls the pressure-wave end of the toy seems to make it pulse faster rather than stronger when I turn it up, which makes it pretty hard for me to reach orgasm with this toy; when I get close to climax, usually I want the speed of stimulation to remain fairly consistent while the intensity gradually increases, and this toy can’t really do that.

But as for the positive aspects of this toy, of which there are actually quite a few… I really do like its rumbly G-spot vibrations. They’re stronger and deeper than what I’d generally expect from a $60 toy. They do get buzzier as you turn up the power, but in a way that my G-spot finds pleasing (once properly aroused) rather than annoying or overly numbing. There are only 3 solid speeds followed by several patterns, but I don’t mind that as much in a G-spot vibe because my internal spots appreciate the sense of “motion” created by vibration patterns.

love that this toy is waterproof. Being a dual-stim toy that stays put pretty well when my thighs are closed around it, I can use the OG Pro2 hands-free in the bath while reading erotica on my Kindle or just letting my mind wander. The amount of pressure/tension provided by the toy’s “neck” makes this even easier; it doesn’t tend to slip out of me or move around too much of its own accord, even as I get wetter and more turned on.

I also really like that each of the toy’s two functions is controlled independently by its own button. The buttons are easy to locate in a hurry, whether visually or by touch, and require a decisive press, so they aren’t prone to skipping speeds or needing extra presses like some toys’ buttons are.

While I think the Tracy’s Dog OG Pro2 is overall a great toy in its category and for its price point, it just doesn’t really work for my particular body and preferences. But if you love pressure-wave clitoral stimulation mixed with powerful G-spot vibration, and you’re looking for something easy to use and even potentially hands-free, I think it’s an option worth considering.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

My Book is Out!! Here’s Some Fun Facts About “101 Kinky Things”…

Dear sweet readers, I am thrilled to announce that my first book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, is officially out worldwide as of today!!!

So many of you have cheered me on throughout the process of writing, editing, and promoting this book, and for that I am forever grateful. It’s been inexpressibly exciting to see you folks starting to receive your copies of the book and posting about it on social media or emailing me to let me know you got your copy. My heart is so full! 💖

To celebrate the book on its “birthday,” here are some random trivia items about 101 Kinky Things; think of it like the director’s commentary of my cute little book!

  • 101 Kinky Things is an elegant hardcover with a decent amount of heft, making it a surprisingly fantastic spanking implement! (I’m not the only one who thinks so…)
  • While the book is aimed at beginners to kink, I’ve received lots of feedback from super-kinky friends of mine who’ve noted that even they found stuff in this book that inspired them to try new things! It’s my hope that this can be a helpful text for any kinky or kink-curious person, regardless of where they are on their personal kink journey.
  • It’s also explicitly meant to be a useful resource whether or not you have a partner. Many of the suggestions given in the book are doable by yourself if you don’t have, or don’t want, a partner to do them with.
  • I finished writing the first draft of my manuscript way back in January 2020 – so, oddly enough, it was written before the coronavirus really ramped up where I live, and is coming out just as things are returning to some semblance of normalcy there vis-à-vis the pandemic. Cool!
  • One of the lengthiest parts of the process was the search for an illustrator. We wanted someone whose portfolio already included sexy stuff, so we could be sure they’d be comfortable with the subject matter. Eventually we settled on Ewa Żak, and I’m SO glad – her illustrations are sensual, sexy, body-positive, diverse, playful, elegant, and just exactly right for this book. (The image for Submission might be my favorite – what’s yours?)
  • My original pitch was called 101 Unusual Kinks & Fetishes and would have explored fascinating oddities of the human sexual psyche like sneezing fetishism, balloon fetishism, and clowns fetishism. Maybe I’ll still get to write a book like that someday!
  • The text on the back of the book says “Curious?” but some of the other options we considered included “You never know until you try,” “Add some sprinkles to your vanilla,” and “Try it. You might like it.”
  • I re-titled the Electrostimulation section “Zapping” so that I could say the book contains “kinky things from Aftercare to Zapping” 😂
  • We’re having a launch party and you’re invited! It’s happening tomorrow (Wednesday, Oct. 13) at the KGB Bar Red Room in New York City, and is also being livestreamed, so you can join us from anywhere around the world. Click here and reserve your free ticket – there will be readings, signing, and live kink demos featuring yours truly!

Thanks again for your support and for reading my words. If you plan on reading the book, I hope you love it, and that it inspires you to expand your erotic possibilities! ❤️

You Don’t Have to Do What Your Sex-Positive Friends Do

I’ve had a nearly lifelong love affair with the sex-positive movement. It has made life better and brighter for me, given me a solid community to connect with, and helped me recontextualize my sexual desires outside of a patriarchal, slut-shaming lens. I’m very thankful it exists.

That said, the movement has attracted its fair share of criticisms. In my view, most of its critics focus on ways that individual practitioners fail to uphold the actual values of sex-positivity. The movement itself is based on the idea that sex is inherently natural and that any sexual activity performed in a risk-aware and fully consensual way is A-OK; of course, the implication is that the inverse is also true, that sex acts achieved through force or coercion are not acceptable. However, some people within the movement use sex-positivity as a guise under which to propagate harmful and coercive values, such as “more sex = better” (nope!), “everyone wants sex” (definitely nope!), and “having as much sex as possible is what makes you cool” (nope, nope, nope!).

 

Here are 5 activities I used to think were, in some sense, an important part of being sex-positive, which I’ve since realized are no such thing:

1. Having tons of group sex all the time. Lots of my sex-pos pals are way into threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes, and I’m happy for them! I’ve just learned over time that I’m too introverted, anxious, and hypersensitive to really enjoy group sex most of the time. I’m open to the possibility of small group encounters with trusted and beloved folks, but I no longer attend orgies hoping irrationally that I’ll somehow like this one even though I haven’t liked any others. Good for me!

2. Anal sex feels pleasurable and freeing for many people, but I’ve tried it a couple times and it has mostly just made me feel ill! I still like some forms of anal play – wearing a butt plug while I do other sex stuff, being rimmed, fucking other people with a strap-on – but actually getting fucked in the ass is probably just not for me. Remember: even when using what people think is the best anal vibrator in the world, or when hooking up with someone who claims to be an anal-sex pro, it’s entirely possible that you just won’t like anal – and that’s fine!

3. All my life I’ve heard that it’s important to avoid “starfishing” during sex – i.e. to be active and participatory at all times rather than “just lying there.” However, in exploring kink, I’ve learned again and again that some people like a partner who “just lies there”! I will clarify here that I don’t think it’s generally fun to have sex with someone who has no reactions to what’s going on, unless that’s your specific kink – but as a submissive, bottomy person who lives with daily chronic pain, sometimes I just want to lie back and receive during sex, and often my partners are delighted by that, because I tend to date/hook up with people on the toppier and dommier side of the spectrum. You do you!

4. A lot of porn shows people getting into acrobatic sex positions because doing so makes for a better visual. I’ve also seen many people doing this at sex events, orgies, etc., presumably because either those positions feel good for them, or they enjoy the exhibitionism of showing off that way, or both. That’s great for them, but I can only physically sustain a few different positions, and generally I’d rather feel good than look good.

5. There are also many sex-positive-identified people who will counsel you that not wanting an orgasm every time is doing a disservice to yourself, or is in some way less “empowered” or less “feminist” a choice than the alternative. While this is certainly true for many individual people (particularly straight women who have been conditioned over time to accept a status quo of zero orgasms, while their male partners are getting off left and right), I think it’s pretty useless as a society-wide mandate. Sometimes I just don’t feel like coming, or being touched sexually at all, but am perfectly happy to get my partner off – and that is my choice and my right!

What sex acts have you felt pressured to do because those acts were described as “cool” or “empowered” or “sex-positive”?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Come to My Book Launch (Online or in NYC)!

Hello, friends! It’s less than 2 weeks until my first book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, officially launches. I’ve already started to hear about some folks receiving their preordered copies early, which is exciting!

I wanted to write a brief little blog post to let you know that I’m hosting a book launch event which will take place in New York City but will also be livestreamed online. Here are the details:

  • Wednesday, October 13th, 2021
  • 7:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. Eastern (New York/Toronto time)
  • KGB Bar Red Room (85 E 4th St, New York, NY) and simultaneously livestreamed via Zoom
  • Proof of vaccination required if attending in-person
  • Reserve your free ticket here (this allows us to make sure the venue stays at a safe capacity, and it’s also how you’ll be sent the Zoom link if you’re watching online)

Some elements of this event will be pretty standard for a book launch – I’ll be reading from the book, and selling + signing copies – while some will be a bit more unorthodox: I’ll be doing demos of some of the kinks in the book, with the help of two of my favorite people, Matt and Bex. Ever wanted to see me do sadomasochism/erotic hypnosis/sensory deprivation games but never been able to (because, frankly, I almost never do those things in public these days)? Then come to (or watch) this event!

I’m so proud to be able to share this book with you and very much looking forward to seeing your faces ❤️

(P.S. Since I know the fashion-inclined among you will wonder… There’s no official dress code other than “street-legal so you don’t get arrested en route for wearing assless chaps on the streets of Manhattan,” but if you are so inclined, feel free to wear an outfit of your preferred level of fanciness in the colors of the book cover, black and gold. I’m not even much of a gold person but you can bet I’ll be rocking those shades that night!)