My Most Expensive Sex Toys: Are They Worth It?!

Kate Sloan

I get a lot of questions from readers that amount to “Is [x sex toy] worth its price tag?”

It’s a difficult question, because the answer depends on so many factors. How much are you able to spend on toys? What types of stimulation do you like? What other toys do you already own? The list goes on.

However, we can do a certain amount of generalizing in order to say whether a toy’s price is overall reflective of its value. Today I’m going to attempt to answer that big question – “Is this worth it?” – about five of the most expensive toys in my collection. Let’s hop in…

Njoy Eleven

Price: $300-400 USD, depending on where you get it – although I was able to get mine for $180 CAD in a really great sale in 2015.

What makes it worth it:

  • The Eleven is huge, heavy, and beautiful. There is really nothing like it.
  • It’s one of the best tools in the biz for intense, focused stimulation of your G-spot and/or A-spot (depending on anatomy).
  • With two ends that are both absolutely splendid, you’re getting more bang for your buck – so to speak – than you’d get from a single-sided dildo.
  • The ridges on one side make for a comfortable grip, so you can fuck yourself (or get fucked by someone else) surprisingly hard with the Eleven, without as much exertion as some other dildos require.
  • Stainless steel is easy to clean and easy to sanitize. There are no tricky cracks or seams on this toy that require special care.
  • Stainless steel is also compatible with every type of lube, so you can use your fave and it won’t damage the toy.
  • It will last you your entire life – unless you lose it – and you will likely even be able to pass it on to your kin as a horny heirloom.
  • The Eleven comes in a gorgeous gift-ready wooden box. It also comes with an elegant leather bag you can use to store and transport the toy, both to avoid getting scratches on it and because it’s fancy as fuck.

What makes it not-so-worth it:

  • This is a very heavy and thus unwieldy dildo. Folks with strength/mobility issues – and even those without – may have a difficult time thrusting with it.
  • At 1.75″ and 2″ in diameter, respectively, both of the Eleven’s two ends are designed for users who like size – both girth and length (although you can insert as much or as little of the length as you like). Folks who prefer smaller dildos will likely struggle with this.
  • Furthermore, because the material is as unyielding as they come, this toy is the opposite of beginner-friendly. If you’re wading into the wild waters of Big Penetration, I think you’d be better off starting with something like the super-squishy VixSkin Maverick.
  • If you dislike texture, the ribbed side might not get much use (or any), which reduces the toy’s usefulness significantly.
  • The Eleven doesn’t have a flared base, so it’s not ideal for anal penetration – although I do know plenty of people who take it that way regularly without trouble. (It’s too heavy for your butt to really be able to swallow it up if you’re holding onto it and paying attention.)

Overall: Worth it, if you know for a fact that you like big, hard penetration, and you (or the partner[s] who’ll be fucking you with it) have no problem manipulating heavyish objects. This is one of my most-used dildos and remains a gleaming top-drawer fave nearly 5 years after acquiring it.

Where to buy: SheVibe ($399.99 USD), the Smitten Kitten ($400.99 USD), Come As You Are ($320 CAD/about $255 USD), Peepshow Toys ($399.99 USD)

Eroscillator Top Deluxe Soft Finger Combo

Price: $239 USD

What makes it worth it: 

  • Nothing else feels like this toy. For me at least, it causes far less numbness/desensitization than standard vibrations (by “oscillating” instead of vibrating), and the pleasure and orgasms it produces feel much deeper and, uh, more pleasurable than what I get from a lot of vibrators, even high-end ones.
  • It’s well-designed for holding onto, even with lubey hands. That textured body means I can always keep a good grip on it and can flip between settings easily and quickly.
  • I have found the Eroscillator’s shape to be ideal for adding clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex. It slips between bodies fairly easily and feels fabulous paired with penetration.
  • This Eroscillator (the Top Deluxe) is more powerful than the original by a significant amount. (Still may not be powerful enough for everyone, though, as discussed below.)
  • This particular set comes with every Eroscillator attachment worth having, so you can experiment with many different sensations. However, like many other sex educators who love this toy, I prefer the soft fingertip attachment over any other, and use it 99% of the time when I use this toy (if not more). Even if you choose to buy a standalone Eroscillator to save money, I suggest adding the fingertip attachment to your cart; it is next-level.
  • As far as clitoral stimulators go, this is one of the quietest I’ve ever encountered – so if you want clit stim but have to keep the noise down, this might be a good pick.
  • Compared to something like a wand, the Eroscillator is fairly travel-friendly – you can remove the attachment and wrap the cord around the body before packing it, and it takes up only about as much space as an average-sized dildo, if not less.

What makes it not-so-worth it:

  • It’s a plug-in toy, so you have to be near an outlet to use it (although the cord is 12 feet long so you have plenty of wiggle room if you need it).
  • Although the Top Deluxe is more powerful than the original Eroscillator, I still wouldn’t recommend it for any self-identified “power queens” (or other power monarchs), unless you’re trying to cut back on super-strong vibrator usage by trying something different.
  • A lot of people find this toy ugly. At this point it’s given me so many hundreds of orgasms that I don’t care, but you might.
  • The attachments are made of TPR (thermoplastic rubber), a porous material. (Why, Eroscillator, why?!) I have had zero issues from this after using mine for years at a time, in terms of any vaginal infections or irritation, etc., but it does mean you can’t safely share this toy with someone you’re not fluid-bonded with, unless you put a condom over it or each have your own separate attachments to use. You may also experience some discoloration of your attachments over time.
  • I once broke an Eroscillator by dropping it a few too many times, and couldn’t figure out how to repair it so I had to buy another one. However, this was after 3-4 years of using it multiple times a week, so I still consider it more durable/long-lasting than a lot of other vibes out there.

Overall: Extremely worth it. I would be lost without this toy. It gets me off more reliably and consistently than any other toy in my collection; I use it 5-6 times a week pretty much every week. If you like clitoral stimulation but find normal vibrators too numbing or overwhelming, or if you just want to try a truly unique clitoral sensation, I think this toy would be a good purchase for you.

Where to buy: SheVibe ($239 USD)

Lelo Sila

Price: $159-169 USD

What makes it worth it: 

  • The “mouth” of this toy is bigger/wider/deeper than your typical pressure-wave stimulator, so it tends to work better for people with medium-to-large clits (including those of folks taking testosterone), as well as anyone who prefers their entire clitoral shaft, hood, etc. be stimulated along with the tip of their clit.
  • The flat “lips” around the toy’s mouth make it much easier to form a seal around your clit for deeper, more intense sensations. This also means that if you, like me, tend to take a lot of breaks while using clitoral stimulators, you likely won’t have to work as hard to re-find your clit and reposition the toy on it every time.
  • The buttons are relatively easy to see, find, and press.
  • I enjoy the toy’s simple, elegant, très millennial aesthetic.
  • It’s waterproof and rechargeable, though those qualities are more-or-less par for the course in this category.

What makes it not-so-worth it:

  • Some people say this toy isn’t strong enough. To me it feels pretty damn strong, especially since it stimulates more of my clit than other toys of its type, but your mileage may vary.
  • The Sila’s shape makes it difficult to pair this toy with intercourse. If you’re looking for a pressure-wave toy to put on your clit during PIV, I’d suggest the Satisfyer Curvy 2+ instead; it’s slimmer and more ergonomic for that purpose.
  • It’s made by Lelo, who are not exactly known as a paragon of ethics.

Overall: Worth it. The Lelo Sila has quickly become my favorite pressure-wave toy, because it stimulates more of my clit, more deeply, than any other toy I’ve tried in this category. The Satisfyer Curvy 2+ feels the closest, and is much cheaper – but if you have the cash, and want full-bodied clit stimulation in a luxurious package, I think the Sila is where it’s at.

Where to buy: SheVibe ($159 USD), Peepshow Toys ($169.99 USD)

Doxy Die Cast

Price: $190-210 USD

What makes it worth it: 

  • It’s INCREDIBLY strong. Like, quite possibly the strongest vibrator I have ever personally used in 9+ years of sex toy reviewing, with the exceptions of jackhammery behemoths like the Sybian or Cowgirl. Folks who need or want a lot of power are frequently delighted by this toy.
  • It’s simply gorgeous. The aluminum body is shiny, sparkly, and a total showstopper at events and parties. Wands are not known for being visually appealing, but this is maybe the prettiest one I’ve seen.
  • The head and neck are covered in body-safe silicone, rather than being made of a shitty porous material that’ll break down and discolor over time like so many other wand heads. It’s easier to clean it and to keep it looking good. As a bonus, silicone also transmits vibration better than squishier materials, so the Die Cast’s stimulation feels more intense than that of the standard Doxy.
  • The “double-weighted” head of this toy makes it feel rumblier than other Doxy wands, although (as noted below) it still doesn’t always feel as rumbly as I’d want it to.

What makes it not-so-worth it:

  • Doxy’s quality assurance is infamously bad, and many of their toys have mechanical issues, such as vibrations skipping around in intensity or seeming to migrate to different areas of the toy unexpectedly. Presumably because of how widespread these problems are, I’ve often heard from buyers that they have a hard time getting in touch with the company for a replacement, and oftentimes even if they can, the replacement ends up having mechanical issues too.
  • The Die Cast, more than any other wand vibe I’ve tried, is HEAVY. This is the main reason I don’t use mine as often as I otherwise might.
  • Even this vibe’s lowest setting is VERY strong, so I wouldn’t recommend it for people who consider themselves sensitive or have tended to stay on the low end of other vibrators’ intensity ranges.
  • The vibrations get buzzier as they move up in intensity, and while the lower settings are slightly rumblier, overall this vibe isn’t as rumbly as I would hope or expect from a toy of this size, weight, and price. (However, I’m a “give me rumbly vibes or give me death” person and can still get off with this one, no problem.)
  • As with most other vibrators of this type, this one makes a lot of noise, especially on the higher settings. There’s a reason I called it “the belt sander of sex toys” in my review.
  • It has to be plugged in to be used. This doesn’t bother me at all but I know it’s less than ideal for some people.
  • Some people don’t like that the aluminum body of the vibe is naturally cold to the touch when you first pick it up.

Overall: Probably not worth it for most people. While the Die Cast is indubitably POWERFUL and gorgeous as hell, I think it has too many major flaws to earn its hefty price tag – especially when you can get the more reliable Magic Wand Rechargeable for a good bit less money, or the Magic Wand Plus for less than half the price of the Die Cast.

Where to buy: SheVibe ($189.99 USD), Peepshow Toys ($189.99 USD), Come As You Are ($265 CAD/about $211 USD)

New York Toy Collective Carter

Price: $165-175 USD

What makes it worth it: 

  • With its 7.5″ insertable length and 2″ diameter, this is a big-but-still-manageable dildo that’ll suit plenty of different types of people, and can be used anally, vaginally, and/or orally.
  • It’s a good size and shape for G-spot, prostate, or A-spot stimulation, though (as discussed later) it has trouble holding an angle so I wouldn’t recommend it for people who prefer intensely curved toys. I really like the combo of fullness and A-spot stim that my Carter provides.
  • It’s a “pack ‘n’ play” toy, meaning that it’s bendable so it can be worn in a harness under clothing if need be. It’s pretty big, though, so it might not be the subtlest thing. That bendability also means you can change the toy’s angle before/during use, if you’re so inclined.
  • It’s made of dual-density silicone, so it has a lovely, comfortable squishiness to it.
  • It comes in many different gorgeous colorways. Normally I don’t care too much about that but they really are quite pretty. It also comes in a few flesh tones.
  • New York Toy Collective is a queer- and trans-owned independent company well worth supporting.

What makes it not-so-worth it:

  • While you can bend this toy into various shapes and angles, it tends to straighten out over time during use. It’s also squishy enough that it feels generally stimulating rather than specifically focused on particular spots. If you’re looking for a realistic silicone toy of similar dimensions that can hit your G-spot or prostate with more vigor, I’d suggest the VixSkin Maverick.
  • As I mentioned above, the size of this toy makes it slightly impractical for “packing”/wearing under clothes, depending on what exactly you’re wearing. The smaller NYTC Shilo is better in this regard, though I don’t find that it feels as good.
  • The silicone is a little more draggy than that of some other realistic dildos I’ve tried, so thrusting it seems to require more hand/arm strength even when adequate lube is used.

Overall: Potentially worth it for some people, but less so for others. While I think this is a wonderful dildo that feels great and looks even better, it’s significantly more expensive than plenty of toys in its category. The VixSkin Maverick is cheaper and feels comparable but not identical (more squish/less internal pressure, more glide/less drag, a more pronounced head), but if you want a beautiful pack-‘n’-play with a pleasurably firm core, the Carter will deliver.

Where to buy: SheVibe ($164.99 USD), Come As You Are ($220 CAD/about $175 USD)

What’s the most expensive toy in your collection, if you have one? Do you think it was worth the money?

Behind the Seams: Summer Adventures

Kate Sloan

June 30, 2021

My beloved and I had plans for a long-distance date, i.e. I go to a bar/restaurant in Toronto and they go to one in New York, and we talk on the phone throughout. I was in a good mood that day, and felt like getting a li’l dressed up, with false lashes and all.

I went to my local British-style pub to sit on their patio. They’ve had a pineapple mezcal margarita on their menu lately and it is a divine drink to sip in summer while on an outdoor phone call with one’s far-away love. ❤️

A pro tip if you are intrigued by the idea of this type of long-distance date: I have found it helpful to wait until after I’ve ordered my food/drink to start the phone call, mostly so that I can explain to the server what I’m doing and let them know it’s 100% okay to interrupt me while I’m on the phone because it’s not, like, a business call or anything. Oftentimes they even think it’s cute once I fill them in!

What I’m wearing:
• Yellow dress – H&M
• Yellow/pink striped silk scarf – probably thrifted at Value Village
• Toy Story-print mask – an Etsy shop
• Pink leather crossbody tote bag – Coach
• Black leather ballet flats – J. Crew (surprisingly, they are holding up much better than my previous pair, the Carson style by Frye, of which I have destroyed TWO pairs just by going on lots of walks every summer)
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Apple Watch with rainbow striped band – a hand-me-down from my spouse
• Sugarpill “Saint” false lashes (the same style I wore on my wedding day!)

July 10, 2021

I was recently asked to be an interviewee on a TV documentary that will be airing on the CBC called The Great Canadian Sex Survey. This was the day I went to their rented studio space, the Darling Mansion, to be interviewed on camera. They wanted to talk to me specifically about asexuality and the ace spectrum, but we also touched on a number of other topics during our ~2-hour interview, from masturbation to sexual shame to finding eroticism outside of sex.

I showed up with frizzy hair and a naked face, because I knew they had a hair and makeup artist on set. She introduced herself when I arrived – her name is Vanessa Baudner and she’s a delight – and we chatted away while she styled my hair and gave me, at my request, winged eyeliner and a bold lip. (The lip is not pictured because she hadn’t put it on yet when I took this selfie.) It had been years since anyone but me had done my makeup – what a relaxing treat!

I thought this red dress captured the “professional, but fun” vibe I hoped to convey in the documentary, but they had also asked me to bring some alternate wardrobe options in solid colors. As it turned out, we were filming in a room with red and gold wallpaper, so they thought a different color would pop better; I switched this one out for a blue dress I’d brought, which looked great with my red lip. I’d been worried about seeming socially awkward upon being thrust onto a film set with a crew of about 7-8 people, but it was actually a super fun day!

What I’m wearing:
• Red dress – bought from Winners many years ago to wear to a wedding rehearsal dinner; the brand is Monteau
• Black leggings – H&M (the sound tech guy was confused by these at first but the waistband ended up being a great place to attach the machinery needed to run my clip-on microphone)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Canvas tote bag packed with extra outfits and makeup – Her Highness
• Black KN95 mask

July 13, 2021

This was my new cane‘s maiden voyage. Having never used a cane before (except for possibly as a prop in some high school drama scenes?!), I wanted to practice the coordinated motions involved in walking with one. Before researching it, I didn’t know, for example, that you’re generally supposed to use the cane on the side opposite your weak/sore/injured side. Thanks, random mobility-aid educators on YouTube!

I walked around my neighborhood for about 20 minutes, practicing syncing up each step with the cane and moving some of my weight over onto it to alleviate the pain in my left knee. I wore headphones because I was (perhaps slightly irrationally) worried people would loudly comment on my cane, ask me questions about it, etc., but I don’t think anyone did. By the end of my walk, using the cane felt much more natural than it had when I started. Yay!

What I’m wearing:
• Navy “making it happen” T-shirt – Forever 21
• Black bandage skirt – Suzy Shier many years ago
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Pink leather crossbody tote bag – Coach
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Black KN95 mask
• Chrome-plated blue wooden cane – Fashionable Canes
• Bright blue Cowin E7 headphones – a gift from a fan of mine who is a headphones fetishist

July 22, 2021

Unfortunately I didn’t think to take a full-body photo of this outfit, but this is what I wore to attend a movie theatre screening of Bo Burnham’s Inside with my friend Dan. It was my first time being in a cinema since before the pandemic – pretty weird!

After weighing numerous outfit options relevant to the film – including wishing I owned white overalls and trying to decide whether cosplaying as the “Welcome to the Internet” guy would be feasible – I ultimately settled on an ensemble inspired by one Bo wears in his song “White Woman’s Instagram.” True, it’s not quite as striking as seeing a 6’5″ male comedian wearing nothing but a plaid flannel shirt shrugged off one shoulder, but it’s something!

The audience at the screening was much more subdued than I had expected. No singalongs or hands waving in the air. It was still a fun time though!

What I’m wearing:
• Green/blue plaid flannel shirt – the Gap last fall; I think this was the first time I’d ever actually worn it?!
• Black modal slip dress – Calvin Klein Sleepwear (I love that this nightgown is outdoors-appropriate and layers seamlessly under anything)
• Blue lacy bralette – Aerie
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre

5 Unexpected Ways Music Can Improve Your Sex Life

Kate Sloan

Music is an important part of sex for many of us. Whether we prefer to set a sultry mood with some rainy-evening piano jazz, summon our inner goddess with a Beyoncé album, or rock out to Nine Inch Nails while taking a nine-inch dick, it’s clear that music can affect the vibe of an encounter – for better or for worse.

I learned about the “for worse” side of things when a Tenacious D song came up on shuffle while I was blowing my boyfriend at age 20… and again, when I fucked a singer/songwriter and one of his own songs started playing mid-bang… and again, when I had an ill-advised one-night stand with a random Tinder guy who insisted on listening to terrible white-boy rap while we got it on, and didn’t have a Spotify Premium membership so our flow was interrupted every few songs by a cheery ad reminding us to pony up for a subscription. (I could’ve let him borrow my login for the evening, I suppose, but then I wouldn’t have gotten this weird story out of it…)

That said, beyond just establishing a sexy atmosphere, there are other potential uses for music while engaging in sexytimes. Here are a few of my faves…

Set the tone for a roleplay. You may not be a fan of chamber choir music/classic 1970s rock/Enya-esque atmospheric crooning, but maybe your character in a roleplay is. Fans of sexy roleplay use many different tricks to help them get into character, from wardrobe to fragrance to changes in vocal inflection, but I find that music can put me into the headspace of a particular persona more quickly than many other routes. Listening to the Backstreet Boys, for example, takes me right back to my wistful teenage yearnings, while my favorite EP by A Yawn Worth Yelling makes me feel like the type of pop-punk princess I’d only ever embody in fantasy.

Keep rhythm more easily. Many people struggle with maintaining a rhythm during sex, and while it doesn’t always matter, sometimes it very much does. Whether you’re trying to fuck someone at a consistent speed with your strap-on so they can get off, playing with an impact bottom who loves a rhythmic flogging, or just enjoy making cool soundscapes with the odd noises sex produces, having a song on in the background can help you maintain the steady beat you’re looking for.

Set yourself a timed challenge. When I was 15, I had a super-loud “body massager” I’d bought for $6.99 from a local discount shop, which I liked to use as a vibrator. Because it was so noisy, I’d often turn on some music before I began. For a while I had the beloved album Holiday in Rhode Island by the Softies in my CD player all the time, so its first track, “Sleep Away Your Troubles,” underscored a lot of those wank sessions. After a while, I started issuing myself little “challenges” – mostly, aiming to reach orgasm before the first song ended. It was 3 and a half minutes long, so – while I probably wouldn’t be able to do this now, with my 29-year-old body – at 15 it was no problemo. If you want to do something similar, you could see how many times you can make your partner come over the duration of a favorite album, “make” your submissive take a nasty whipping until the current song ends, or edge yourself for three whole songs and then let yourself come during the fourth one. Or make up your own strange challenge!

Process pain with aplomb. Along with methodical breathing and a hefty dose of cannabis, music is one of my favorite tools for mitigating pain during sadomasochistic scenes. Before giving me a spanking, sometimes my partner will put on an album I know well, like The Party by Andy Shauf or Landmark by Hippo Campus, and I’ll sing along (to the extent that I can) while getting beaten. I swear it reduces the intensity of the pain for me by at least 20%, without reducing the yummy side effects of that pain, like the endorphin haze and feeling of sweet submission.

Keep one foot on the ground. My friend Bex has told me before that he sometimes struggles with dissociation or wandering thoughts during sex, and that music can reliably help with this. I have found the same thing – it’s all too easy for me to float off into my own head when the room is silent during sex, while listening to music (especially music I’m very familiar with) helps me stay aware of the passage of time, and of the sexy things that are happening.

Is music an important part of your sex life? What role(s) does it play for you?

Monthly Faves: Sapphic Fiction & Clicky Keys

Kate Sloan

Hope your July has gone well! Here are some of the things I enjoyed most this month…

 

Media

• Melissa Broder, of “So Sad Today” fame, has a new novel out called Milk Fed which I loved. It’s about disordered eating, “mommy issues,” sapphic lust, and frozen yogurt, among other things.

• I finally got around to reading Allison Moon’s book on casual sex, Getting It, and I have to say – it’s an instant classic, worthy of being recommended alongside sex-world faves like Come As You Are and another book of Allison’s, Girl Sex 101. Buy a copy for anyone in your life who wants to improve their casual sex skills!

• Have you seen the game show Sexy Beasts on Netflix yet? It’s an extremely weird dating reality show where all the contestants have to wear horrible prosthetics that make them look animals, aliens, etc. which is supposed to encourage them to judge their prospective partner(s) on personality rather than looks. I wrote about it here. Definitely an interesting watch for sex nerds…

• It was cool seeing Bo Burnham’s Inside on the big screen at a local movie theatre this month. Interesting to see a film in that format that was clearly made for much smaller screens. Shout-out to the person at my screening who sang along with every word of the song “Shit”; I, too, find that to be the most relatable song in the whole special…

 

Products

• I’m typing this post on my new KnewKey keyboard. It is GORGEOUS. These devices are designed to look, feel, and sound like an old typewriter (albeit without requiring a ton of hand strength like my actual typewriter does), and so they make typing into a much more sensorily satisfying experience. There is something about the rhythm of clacking keys that seems to help me enter the flow-state trance of creativity much more easily. (If you want to buy your own, you can get $10 off with the coupon code “KATE” – neat!)

• As I mentioned earlier this month, I bought a cane recently. I’ve only needed to use it a few times so far, but I love having the option – and it helps that it’s very pretty! I would definitely recommend Fashionable Canes if you’re in the market for one. They were able to customize the size of mine to suit my height at no extra charge; I just had to measure myself and submit my info. Wonderful!

• I had been wanting a new desk chair for a while, because my old one was making my body ache. I finally ordered the Albin chair from Wayfair, which I liked because its aesthetic is fairly minimalistic but still fun (that pop of royal blue, swoon!), it fit the dimensions of the spot under my desk, and it seemed reasonably easy to assemble (a handywoman I am not). It was indeed pretty easy to put together, and I love that now I can sit comfortably at my desk for hours at a time!

• I got a new webcam – the Logitech C920S – and I love that it has a built-in privacy shutter, so I don’t constantly have to fret that hackers are watching me eat soup while I watch Twitch streams at 2 a.m.

• My love bought me a black leather pair of Louboutins as a findom task, and they are truly stunning. Super high heels, peeptoe, cute little knot detail in front. I’ve been enjoying wearing them around the house while cleaning, reading, etc. like a glamorous 1950s housewife.

 

Work & Appearances

• My episode of the Bawdy podcast came out! Tune in to hear a true story from my life about romance, mental illness, and espionage.

• The marvelous Mx. Nillin wrote a review of a blowjob porn video I starred in. It’s so full of compliments that I’m blushing just thinking about it!

• Speaking of people reviewing my content… Hollie April wrote some really sweet things about the Dildorks over on DiscoverPods.

• I received some physical copies of my book and it is soooo gorgeous in person. Preorder it here if you wanna learn about kink or just want to see the project I’ve been working on for the last couple years!

• My latest piece for the Insider was a deep-dive on condoms. I interviewed a urologist, a condoms expert, and a smattering of clever sex educators. Their wisdom, as well as my own tests with my partner, enabled me to list what I think is the best condom in each category – larger, smaller, for oral sex, for people with latex sensitivities, and so on.

• Here’s a column I wrote for Herizons magazine a few months ago, about when a recently-outed abuser’s ex-partner comes forward to either contrast or corroborate the allegations against him. It’s a piece that’s ultimately kinda about the false dichotomy of goodness versus badness, and the complicated ways in which we can experience differing versions of the same realities. (Content note: discussions of rape/assault, sexual abuse/harassment, and victim-blaming.)

• Recently on the Dildorks, we talked about sexual rejection, romantic rejection, polyamory Q&A, problems from the sex subreddit, coming out to your family, revitalizing your sex drive, and relationships with exes.

• Some of our recent guests on Question Box were musical theatre experts Emily Clark & Christi Esterle, queer cultural critic Matt Baume, video game YouTuber NintendoCapriSun, our friend Georgia, xBummerxBoysx hosts Alex Kolanko & Mike Carrozza, audio artist Mustin, and sex blogger Amy of Coffee & Kink.

• Some of my recent newsletters were about Sexy Beasts, Eyes Wide Shut as cuckolding porn, my current feelings about privacy online, pleasuring balls, the kinkiest movie I’ve ever seen, cult leaders’ usage of hypnosis, the “multiple intelligences” theory, the undeniable hotness of flirting, and what having celebrity crushes is like as a demisexual.

 

Good Causes

• The recent news about Simone Biles dropping out of the Olympics has prompted lots of conversations about mental health, and specifically, about Black women’s mental health. In light of that, why not donate to an organization aimed at helping improve Black folks’ lives, like the Foundation for Black Women’s Wellness or the Black Health Alliance?

• I found out a fact I didn’t know recently, which is that domestic violence surges in England after big sports games. Ugh. Some UK-based organizations that support domestic violence victims: the Refuge Against Domestic Violence (women-focused) and Galop (LGBTQ-focused).

• My city, Toronto, has been treating homeless folks horrendously lately (and, let’s be real, always). Covenant House is an organization that helps homeless youth in Toronto.

• The incomparable Lil Nas X has joined forces with the Bail Project to help incarcerated folks; donate to his bail fund here.

When Sex Toy Companies Take Credit for Other Companies’ Designs

Kate Sloan

I feel passionately that plagiarism is indefensible, in the sex toy industry and outside of it. It’s one thing to garner inspiration from someone else’s work, and even to “try on” their style while figuring out what your own style is – heaven knows I’ve done that – but to steal someone’s entire idea, and (even worse) pass it off as your own? Not cool.

I suppose this staunch belief of mine stems in large part from being a creator myself. It sucks to work on something for a long time, fine-tuning the concept and its execution, making sure it’s as good as it can be – and then see that someone else has totally ripped it off. This is especially egregious in cases where the imitator ends up making a ton more money than the originator, as with big companies like Shein stealing from small, indie designers. Too often, this process ends up concentrating cash into the hands of already-wealthy, privileged people, while financially devastating the oppressed and overlooked creators who made the thing in the first place. (Many of the designers Shein has plagiarized are Black women.) I get fucking incensed thinking about it, to be honest.

The latest instance of this that I’ve heard about is a kerfuffle between sex toy companies Osuga and Biird. When the former reached out recently to offer me their flagship toy, the Osuga Cuddly Bird, to review, I got major déjà vu. “Haven’t I already reviewed this?” I wondered, and then realized the toy looked exactly like the Biird Obii, which indeed I had previously reviewed.

I asked the folks at Osuga if the two toys were one and the same, and they replied to tell me this wild story: Biird had offered their services as an overseas distributor for the Cuddly Bird, since Osuga had not gone international yet, and despite Osuga’s explicit instructions that Biird was not to misrepresent themselves as having actually created the toy, they went ahead and did exactly that.

Evidently, Osuga had worked hard on this design. It’s an elegant and simple sex toy with a millennial, Instagram-friendly sensibility. It doesn’t “look like a sex toy,” per se, which I know is an important factor for people who value discretion or aesthetics. It’s such a great design, in fact, that it won a Red Dot Design Award in 2019. The chief designer on the project was Siting Lin, an industrial designer from Shenzhen with an impressive portfolio; it appears that some (or possibly all) of the other designers are Asian women as well (yay, underrepresented groups in tech!). But sometime after Netherlands-based company Biird took over some of the Cuddly Bird’s distribution, they renamed the product the Biird Obii, and began publicly taking credit for the design.

My contact at Osuga told me that when reviews of “Biird toys” started popping up on the internet (including here on my blog, for which I’m genuinely sorry – I should’ve done more research beforehand), they reached out to Biird to ask that they change the product name back to the Cuddly Bird and stop promoting it as if it were their own creation. Biird only half-complied with this request, changing the name back but continuing to claim on their website to this day that they created the toy “after years of research and tinkering.” Enraging!!

I’ve been informed that Osuga recently notified Biird that they are terminating the working relationship between the two companies, understandably. I have to wonder what Biird will do, now that they’re no longer able to take credit for other people’s hard work. Will they launch some new sex toys of their own? Doubtful. In my experience in this industry, “once a plagiarizer, always a plagiarizer.”

If you’re wondering what you can do about this injustice, I would suggest buying an Osuga vibrator directly from them if you’re in the market for one. The toy in question, the Osuga Cuddly Bird, is a great little pressure-wave clitoral stimulator that doubles as a bedside lamp (?!). They also make a toy called the Osuga G-Spa, which pairs clit stimulation with G-spot vibration. If you use the code “girlyjuice,” you can get $40 off your order, which is a great discount on toys that are already reasonably priced for how high-quality and well-designed they are.

Another thing you can do is something I neglected to do before reviewing the toy Biird claimed was theirs: do your research on sex toy companies. Some are ethical, and many are less so – and if that’s a factor that matters to you when shopping for sex toys, it’s best to be informed so you can support the folks doing good work. When painstaking labor and cutting-edge creativity go into the making of a product, I think it’s best to support the people who actually did that work – not the people who thought it was acceptable to coast on others’ success.

 

This post was sponsored by Osuga, but to be perfectly clear: as always, I really do believe everything I wrote in this post. It really does piss me off that someone ripped off their design, and I really do think it’s a fantastic design.