Menstrual Cup Tips & Tricks

Kate Sloan

I’ve been using menstrual cups for more than 12 years. When I was 16, my best friend at the time bought one from a local health food store because she was concerned about the environmental impact of pads and tampons (reasonably so) and wanted to try a more eco-friendly alternative.

I, on the other hand, had been using menstrual sea sponges (which I hadn’t yet learned are probably not safe to use), but had found that they couldn’t contain my flow and would leak whenever I sneezed (!!), so I wrote an email to my friend. “I’m looking at the DivaCup,” I said. “What are your experiences? Do you love it? Have you had any issues with it? Any words of warning?”

My friend wrote me back a glowing review in which she said she loved her DivaCup the way she loved her Coach bag, because both were built to last a long time. “It feels a lot sexier than tampons, too,” she wrote, “because it’s so much cleaner and because of that no-leakage factor.” I was sold, and bought my first menstrual cup online a few days later.

In the years since, I’ve tried many different cups, and have learned a lot about the best ways to use them. Here’s some of what I learned the hard way, presented here so that you can learn it the easy way!

 

Cup Selection

• There’s a great LiveJournal page where the ever-resourceful menstrual cup community has assembled sizing info on many of the cups currently available, as well as their capacity and some other useful stuff. If you’ve tried a cup before and didn’t like the sizing for your particular anatomy, I would suggest going on there and looking for a cup that’s longer/shorter/wider/thinner (whichever you think you need).

• While different-sized cups are often described as being suitable for people who have or haven’t given birth vaginally, that’s definitely not the only factor that can decide which cup size and shape is most comfortable for you. Take companies’ recommendations into consideration, but know that you know your own body better than they do.

• I’ve probably tried 8-10 different kinds of menstrual cup over the years, and my all-time favorite is the large Yuuki cup in firm silicone (they also make a softer silicone version, and a smaller size). I’ve noticed that with my particular anatomy, soft silicone cups tend to leak more, especially if I’m moving around a lot. I find, by contrast, that the firm Yuuki pops open easily when I insert it and almost never leaks when inserted properly (see below for insertion tips).

• A while ago, I was sent the Intimina Ziggy menstrual cup, which has a different shape and insertion method than most cups. I find that its flatter shape is sometimes more comfortable for me on days when my period is causing some vaginal discomfort/sensitivity. It also takes less hand dexterity to insert (you just pinch it, push it in, and tuck the front rim behind your pubic bone), so I often choose it instead of my Yuuki when my hand pain is flaring up. The Ziggy definitely leaks more than my Yuuki, but if I’m just lying around at home as I’ve mostly been doing lately, that’s not a huge deal for me.

 

Inserting a Cup

• First of all, if your cup has a stem to make removal easier, be aware that cutting the stem off (carefully, with sharp scissors) is always an option. I cut the stem off my Yuuki after only a couple of wears because I found that it was poking me in the vaginal wall and wasn’t necessary for removal. Some people just trim the stem a bit shorter, depending on their body and preferences.

• I have found that running some cold water over a menstrual cup right before insertion causes the silicone to temporarily firm up a little, which makes it easier to insert the cup.

• Your cup probably comes with insertion instructions, so look at those. There are numerous different ways to fold a cup so it can be inserted; I usually sort of fold mine in half so it resembles a “C” shape from the top, and slide it in while it’s folded.

• Lube can be helpful for insertion, especially when you’re first learning how to do it. Just make sure to only use water-based lube because other kinds may damage the cup or mess with the balance of your vaginal flora.

• Once the cup is inside you and past your pubic bone, you need to get it to unfold/open up. I usually do this by putting my thumb on one side of the cup and my index finger on the other side, and gently rotating/twisting the cup until I feel it open up. Sometimes doing Kegels can also help with this.

• Rotating the cup, as described above, can also help create a mild “seal” between the cup and your cervix, thereby reducing leakage. I find that only some cups are consistently able to achieve a good seal in this way, my beloved Yuuki being one of them.

• I know that this process sounds complicated, but I promise that once you’ve done it a few times, it gets much easier and more intuitive. I barely have to think about putting mine in nowadays; it comes very naturally.

 

Wearing a Cup

• Barring vaginismus or other legit vaginal health issues, you shouldn’t generally be able to feel a cup while you’re wearing it (in much the same way as a tampon), or at least it shouldn’t be uncomfortable at all. If it is uncomfortable, you may not be inserting it deeply enough or you may be using a cup of a size or firmness that doesn’t work well for your anatomy.

• It’s probably a good idea to wear a pantyliner or pad for at least the first few times you wear a cup, incase of leakage. But even after wearing cups for 12+ years, I’ll still sometimes put a reusable pad in my underwear on really heavy flow days/nights, just incase.

 

Removing a Cup

• You should not wear a cup for longer than about 8 hours at a time without, at the very least, taking it out and rinsing it off before re-inserting it. This is because menstrual cups obstruct the vagina’s self-cleaning process, so it’s easy for your vag’s natural balance of flora to get thrown off if you wear a cup for 10-12+ hours without rinsing it. Trust me, I’ve gotten bacterial vaginosis from doing this before; learn from my mistakes!

• The first step when removing your menstrual cup is to break the seal between the cup and your cervix. In my experience, the best/easiest/fastest way to do this is to press a finger firmly against the side of the cup, just below the rim; this causes the cup to bend inwards, breaking the seal. It is especially important to MAKE SURE you break the seal before removal if you have an IUD in; some doctors say you straight-up can’t use menstrual cups if you have an IUD, because of the risk of the cup “sucking” the IUD out during removal, but if you break the seal properly every time, there will be much less risk of that. (I’m not a doctor, though, so ask yours if you’re not sure!)

• Once the seal is broken, you can gently pull the cup out. I usually do this over the toilet so the blood goes in there, but beginners may want to do it in a shower/bathtub at first in case of splashing or spilling. Like insertion, removal gets much easier with repetition.

• When you remove your cup to empty it (which, as I mentioned, you should do at least once every 8 hours), it’s best to wash it off in the sink before re-inserting it, either with just water or with water and a mild soap. However, if you’re doing this in a public bathroom and can’t get to the sink, you could either rinse the cup over the toilet with some water from a bottle you bring with you, or just wipe it off as best you can with toilet paper before re-inserting.

• Most cups have tiny holes around the rim that help with breaking the seal. Take care to wash these really well whenever you wash your cup, as they can be a breeding ground for bacteria otherwise. I usually fill the cup with soapy water, put my hand flat over the top of it, and squeeze, so that water is forced out of the tiny holes. I’ll do that a few times until I see that the holes have been completely cleared, and then rinse.

 

Cups & Sex

• Some cup manufacturers, like Intimina of the aforementioned Ziggy, claim that their cup can be worn during sex (by which they mean penetrative vaginal sex, which isn’t the only kind of sex, obviously). Personally I have never found a cup that can actually be worn during penetrative sex without leaking a ton, feeling uncomfortable for one or both partners, and/or straight-up obstructing the entire orifice.

• That said, it’s very possible to receive oral sex while wearing a cup (and it may in fact be one of the least messy ways to do so on your period) as well as other forms of external penetration. I’ve also found, in various lazy menstrual masturbation sessions, that some cups sit high enough to give you a little bit of G-spot access for stimulation with fingers or a slim toy (depending on where your spot is located and the size of your cup).

• For the most part, when I want to have penetrative sex of any kind while on my period, I’ll take my cup out at the beginning of the session (and lay down a towel). This is because the sexual arousal process causes the vagina to lengthen and the cervix to lift, so it can be really difficult to remove a cup once you’re already super turned on because you will have to reach farther. Taking it out before any/much foreplay is much easier for me.

• If I’m having sex with someone who I’ve never discussed menstrual cups with, I’ll make sure to give them a brief explainer at some point before sex. It can be alarming to go to finger someone and feel something inside their vagina that you can’t identify and have never felt before!

 

Cup Maintenance

• Cups will usually become discolored over time. This is normal. You can slow down this process by only washing yours in cold water, because warm/hot water encourages bloodstains. I have also found that leaving my cup in the sunshine for several hours (like, say, on a windowsill) helps remove some of the coloration. Some people also like to soak theirs in a 3% hydrogen peroxide solution for a few hours (make sure to wash off your cup very well with soap and water afterward!).

• At least once per menstrual cycle (generally after your period is over), you should sanitize your cup thoroughly. Some people do this using just soap and water; some people go further than that, boiling their cup in a pot on the stovetop or soaking it in various diluted alcohol or bleach solutions. I personally have never had an issue that would cause me to believe that a thorough soap-and-water wash isn’t enough. (This advice only applies if your cup is made of silicone, however. Some are made of more porous materials, such as thermoplastic elastomer; I would not recommend these, but if you do happen to have one, you should clean it more often and more thoroughly than you would silicone.)

• I have had my favorite cup for 10 years and it still looks fine and works great. Silicone cups are meant to last a long time, which is one of the reasons they’re so beneficial ecologically and economically. You can replace yours if/when you want to, but as long as it’s not structurally damaged in some way, you probably don’t have to.

 

Have you tried menstrual cups? What are your fave tips and tricks for using them?

Monthly Faves: Tidy Desks & Morose Masterworks

Kate Sloan

I had quite a dramatic and exhausting month, but a lot of wonderful stuff happened too! Here are some of my fave things from May.

 

Media

• Easily the best thing I watched this month was Bo Burnham’s new Netflix special Inside, which he wrote, performed, shot, and edited himself in his apartment over more than a year during the pandemic. It’s a biting and often hilarious meditation on pandemic life, the internet, depression, anxiety, and the complicated relationship performers have with their audiences. Bo has always been a delightful songwriter but this special contains the best, snappiest, darkest, and most sophisticated songwriting he’s done his whole career. Just watch it!

• Lately I can’t stop looping queer nonbinary singer/songwriter Ben Hopkins’ album I Held My Breath For a Really Long Time Once. Thematically it’s actually very similar to the Bo Burnham special: it’s about depression, loneliness, compulsive behavior (incl. alcoholism), and desiring attention while simultaneously being terrified of it. The magic trick of this album is that all these sad themes are explored through mostly upbeat, danceable, and sing-along-able guitar-forward music. Some of the lyrics about depression and anxiety are just too damn relatable for me, like these gems: “I don’t know how a normal person relaxes/ How to brush my teeth or how to pay my taxes.” “I don’t know how to pay for therapy/ I imagine if I did, I’d have some clarity.” “What’s the point of tidying when everything’s a mess?”

• Matt and I watched the documentary California Typewriter and I found it so affecting and inspiring that I had to snap up a vintage typewriter of my own almost immediately! This film features a whole bunch of famous people who use and love typewriters, but it was John Mayer’s endorsement of them that caught my attention most: he talked about the ways in which the typewriter’s analog nature can unlock hidden modes of creativity, and I have indeed found that to be true so far.

• I’ve played Pokémon games since I was about 8 years old and definitely know more than the average gamer about Pokémon, but watching Twitch gamer SmallAnt’s streams has taught me so much about strategy nonetheless. The video wherein he beats a whole game without dealing any direct damage is incredibly impressive and made for a great late-night intoxicated watch!

• If you enjoy casual sex, or would like to, Allison Moon’s new-ish book Getting It is a must-read. It’s an informative, compassionate, and non-judgmental guide to all things hookup-related.

 

Products

• I’m gonna write about this in detail soon, but I’m loving all the things I’ve bought recently to upgrade my desk setup (a monitor, monitor riser, new SAD lamp, keyboard, mouse, and set of wooden drawers). It is really astonishing how much a “tiny life-improvement project” can brighten your outlook.

• I also upgraded the top of my dresser where I keep all my makeup, skincare products, perfumes, and hair accessories. I bought a rotating storage rack for skincare and makeup brushes, some stackable acrylic drawers and organizers for my makeup and false lashes, and an LED-lit makeup mirror so I no longer have to squint at myself in the half-darkness while putting my face on. Hooray, femme organization!

• I’m going hard on scalp care lately and really loving the Aromatica rosemary scalp scrub and La’dor tea tree scalp clinic hair pack. Seems like a lot of folks have been having scalp issues during the pandemic, possibly due to some combination of stress and less frequent showers (hey, no judgment); maybe these products would help you too!

 

Work & Appearances

• I recently announced the book I’ve been writing for the past couple months: a petite and informative tome for Laurence King Publishing called 200 Words to Help You Talk About Gender & Sexuality. Exciting! (You can still preorder my first book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do – its launch date is a little over 4 months away now!)

• The lovely musical theatre nerds from the Dear Friends podcast invited my friend Brent and I to come answer some advice questions about sex, drugs, and BDSM with them. It was a fun time!

• I was interviewed for Uses This about my work setup. Check it out if you’re curious what hardware and software I use for all my various projects, including this blog!

• In my newsletter this month, I wrote about cuckolding porn, the definition of gender, why typewriters are sexy, and why simultaneous orgasms are overrated.

• For the Andrew Blake blog, I wrote about the usefulness of sex books, vibrators for people with penises, and how to connect with your partner sexually at the end of a long, tiring day.

• On the Dildorks this month, we discussed masochism, public sex, and our current feelings on casual sex.

• On Question Box this month, we chatted with sex educator Dr. Timaree Schmit and burlesque emcee Adam Teterus, actor and storyteller Grace Aki, voice actor Katy Johnson and personal trainer Jordan “Jaxblade” Downs, and kink podcast cohosts Lexi and Gwen. Wow, that’s a lot of awesome people!

 

Good Causes

• In light of the horrendous news about previously unreported deaths of Indigenous students at Canadian residential schools, please consider donating to the Indian Residential School Survivors Society. The cultural genocide perpetrated against Indigenous people by the Canadian government is unacceptable and it’s time for a reckoning (and, ideally, reparations).

• The M’akola Housing Society helps provide affordable housing to Indigenous people in British Columbia.

• The Black Sex Worker Collective provides education, legal help, and healthcare + housing referrals to Black sex workers. They’re also running a conference soon that looks super interesting.

My New Work-From-Home Setup, Part 1: Working in Bed

Kate Sloan

Lately I’ve been overhauling my entire work setup at home, and loving it. Seeing as I’m now fully self-employed and perpetually juggling a full docket of blog posts, client work, podcasting, and book-writing, it felt important to make some changes so my setup would be as well-tailored to my needs as possible.

I’m gonna do another blog post soon detailing the changes I made to my main workspace at my desk (I’m just waiting on my new monitor to be delivered!), but today I thought I’d tell you about another “workspace” of mine that I’ve also overhauled recently. Let’s talk about what I use when I’m working from my bed.

See, as a chronically ill person, there’s usually at least 1-2 days per week when I’m too achy, sleepy, and/or gloomy to sit at my desk for long stretches of time. On those days, I tend to curl up under my duvet, surrounded by strategically-placed pillows, for a supine work sesh.

My old bed-work setup consisted solely of my laptop (a MacBook Air) and a lap-desk from IKEA that keeps my computer from overheating on the duvet and also has a compartment where I can store my iPhone upright for easy access. However, my 13” computer is a bit bulky for this purpose, and I wanted a system that was smaller, sleeker, and more portable, especially since (in non-pandemic times) I travel a fair bit and don’t always want to bring my big ol’ lap-desk with me.

The main component of my new bed-work setup is an iPad mini 5. Mine is a 64GB model in space grey which I bought refurbished last year, having noticed that my chronic pain had gotten bad enough to warrant a smaller, lighter device for difficult days. In the months since, I’ve more often used it as a leisure device, for watching Netflix, YouTube, and (yes) porn – but it works quite well for professional tasks as well, because it’s fast, powerful, and versatile, and has a beautifully bright and vivid screen.

When I want to work on my iPad, I hook it up via Bluetooth to my pale pink Logitech K380 keyboard. I picked this keyboard because it’s one of the Wirecutter’s top recommendations, and I absolutely love it. The keys are pleasantly clicky-clacky, which I enjoy in contrast to my laptop’s hyper-quiet keys. I also love that this keyboard can be connected to up to 3 devices at a time, which you can switch between with a press of a button. This means I can use the same keyboard whether I’m typing on my computer, my iPad, or my phone. It’s quite slim and light, so it’ll be easy to throw it into a purse alongside my iPad if I ever want to get some work done at a café or another public place. The one thing this keyboard lacks, that I wish it had, is a slot for propping up my iPad so I don’t have to bring an iPad stand with me. I recently ordered a typewriter-inspired Knewkey mechanical keyboard which will do a better job of this when I need it.

Speaking of iPad stands, I do need one while working in bed, and the one I chose was a recommendation from my tech-nerdy spouse Matt. It’s the Yohann iPad mini stand, a gorgeous piece crafted from walnut. Matt recommended this stand for me largely because it’s designed to work well on soft surfaces, like a bed; its curved design enables it to keep my iPad upright at a workable angle even as I shift around in bed, adjust my pillows, etc. At $129 USD, this was a pretty hefty investment for something that simply holds my iPad up, but it’s 1,000% better than what I was doing before (attempting to prop up my iPad against a stack of pillows or books), so to me it was worth the dough.

The final component of my work-from-bed setup is my Adonit Mark stylus, which I bought because the Wirecutter recommended it and also because it comes in a stunning shade of turquoise. (I love this shade so much that it’s actually the exact color of my duvet cover, which unfortunately means I sometimes misplace the stylus in my bed due to how well it blends in!) At just $20, this was the least expensive part of my bed-work overhaul. A stylus enables me to “click on” things on my iPad’s screen without having to reach too far with my hands, which is suuuper helpful on bad shoulder/neck pain days.

I also have a 6-foot-long charging cable for my iPad, so I can charge it while I’m working no matter where I choose to situate myself in my bed. I am a big fan of extra-long charging cables in general, especially for chronically ill people, because unlike shorter cables, they don’t require you to choose between charging your device and staying in a comfortable position.

Software-wise, on my iPad I usually use Google Chrome for any in-browser writing (such as this blog post), Google Docs for articles and client work, and Scrivener for my books. These all sync across my various devices seamlessly, making it easy to move my entire workflow from my desk to my bed when I need or want to.

This is what’s working for me; I’d love to hear from other writers in the comments about what works for you when you write in bed!

Review: Loveorl 2-in-1 High-Frequency Clitoral Sucking Vibrator

Kate Sloan

 

Loveorl sent me their 2-in-1 High-Frequency Clitoral Sucking Vibrator to review, and I thought, hey! It’s a double-ended toy where I might actually enjoy both ends!

Usually in this type of toy, one of the functions is good, while the other is just so-so – or sometimes they’re both bad. I had higher hopes for this one, because its two ends seem to be modelled after two types of toy I already know I enjoy: a Zumio-esque “high-frequency” hard-plastic vibrator designed for pinpoint clitoral stimulation, and a pressure-wave toy like a Satisfyer or Womanizer, meant to pulse around the clitoris, creating a suction-y sensation and triggering ethereally indirect orgasms. Neat!

This toy is rechargeable, and has a satiny silicone coating on most of its body. This makes it feel surprisingly luxe for its $22 price point. There’s one button for each of the two functions, and you cycle through each function’s various speeds and settings using its respective button. You can enable both functions at once, but I’m not sure why you would; this toy isn’t shaped well to allow for two clit-possessing people to use it simultaneously.

The Zumio-ish vibration portion disappointed me, for the most part. It claims to use the same “spiral oscillating waves” that you’d find in the Zumio (of which it is an obvious copycat, which, as you may know, I’m not a fan of on principle), but to me it just feels like too-buzzy, too-strong vibration. It overloads and desensitizes my clit in short order the way an overly buzzy vibe does, which the Zumio doesn’t do, at least not as quickly. It’s also very loud, and the entire toy vibrates when this setting is enabled, making my hand feel numb and itchy within seconds of turning the vibrations on.

 

The toy comes with two little silicone attachments for the vibrating end, which is cool. One of them is spherical and one looks like flower petals that can flap and flutter against your clit and labia. Interestingly, the toy is much quieter when there’s an attachment on it. I liked it best with the flower petal attachment because I could hold it on the top of my clit, with my clitoral shaft placed between the two petals, allowing for much more spread-out and indirect stimulation than the vibrator allows for sans attachment. I probably could get off using the toy this way, but eking out an orgasm with super buzzy, surface-level vibrations is not my favorite thing, and tends to take me forever.

The suction side of the toy is better. It, too, feels “buzzier” than many of its competitors in the pressure-wave space, like the thrillingly thrummy Lelo Sila. But design-wise, this is in the top half of pressure-wave toys I’ve tried: its silicone “mouth” is comfortably shaped and wide enough for me to fit more than just the hypersensitive tip of my clit into it, so I can get some of the clitoral shaft/clitoral hood stimulation I tend to crave when using this kind of toy. There are only three steady speeds and I found myself wishing, in the moments before orgasm, for just one more setting at the top end, probably because of the aforementioned buzziness having lessened my sensitivity a bit. But I can achieve orgasm readily with this thing, and it feels just as involuntary, spasmodic, and surprising as it does with other pressure-wave toys.

I have to say, for its price tag, I think the Loveorl 2-in-1 High-Frequency Clitoral Sucking Vibrator is a great value. If you only have $22 to spend on a clitoral toy and you want to try a broad range of sensations, this toy’s dual functions and two included attachments will give you a lot of bang for your buck. I wish it was quieter and rumblier, but frankly it’s pretty astonishing that Loveorl managed to make a rechargeable, body-safe, two-function sex toy for under $25, so maybe I’m asking for too much.

Get this toy if you want to experiment with pinpoint vibrations and/or pressure-wave stimulation without breaking the bank, and you don’t mind a moderate-to-loud noise level. You can always upgrade to higher-quality options later, but for an entry-level clit stim toy, you could do a lot worse than this petite pink creation.

 

This post was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Guest Reviews: Anal Toys for Discerning Assholes

mb

Editor’s note: I asked my spouse Matt to review some of their favorite anal toys. Enjoy!

I’m much more deeply into anal penetration than Kate is. Some of that difference probably has to do with our anatomy – I have a prostate with lots of nerve endings there, where she does not. Plus, she has a vagina as another option for penetration, and I don’t. But I think another part of it has to do with our personal histories. I’ve been incorporating anal penetration very regularly into my masturbation and partnered sex for 10 years now, and I’ve grown to love it more with each session whereas she’s had relatively few experiences with it and only enjoyed those moderately.

At first, putting something in your butt might seem like it would be scary, painful, or just weird, but after a while many people can adjust or attune themselves to the sensations and find great pleasure in it. And I’m certainly one of those people. Today, I want to discuss three anal sex toys that should be on your radar and perhaps in your holes, and how they each fit into my sexual repertoire.

 

Aneros Helix Trident

One of the first things I ever put in my ass (after fingers) was an Aneros toy. After hearing glowing reviews of them on the now-defunct Sex is Fun podcast in the early 2000s, I knew I needed one. Aneros is a prostate pleasure-focused brand that makes interestingly shaped prostate massagers designed to stimulate your P-spot without any thrusting, instead relying on just the contractions of the anal sphincters and PC muscles. Devotees of the brand wax lyrical about the so-called “Super O” (a prostate-only, ejaculation-free orgasm) these toys can generate, and develop elaborate routines for achieving it on the company’s forums and associated subreddit.

I was happy with my original Aneros MGX Trident for years and used it frequently whenever I had an evening entirely to myself because it could make me come harder than any other toy I owned, if I was willing to put in the time – usually 45-60 minutes of focused tensing and relaxing my muscles while on my side or back. But when Aneros reached out to Kate in 2018 to see if we’d be interested in trying another one of their massagers, I jumped at the chance to see what had changed in 6 years.

Aneros sent me the Helix Trident ($55), one of their “beginner” models, which has 4” of insertable length and a tip-width of 1.06”. The toy improves on the shape, tab position, and cleanability of the MGX, and it comes in both medical-grade white plastic or black silicone as part of their Syn line ($69.95). I tested the plastic model, and like the MGX before it, it blew me away. The toy looks less like Poseidon’s trident 🔱  and more like an alien probe or some kind of unidentified intelligent lifeform. Its curves and bulbs are designed to mirror the internal anatomy of folks with prostate glands and its small tabs at the end of two curved arms both stimulate the perineum and act as a fulcrum by which the toy moves when you perform kegels.

Inserting the lubricated Trident for the first time is super easy and almost feels like there’s nothing there because it’s so light. The toy doesn’t vibrate and you’re not supposed to move it at all, so what happens once it’s in? I usually start watching or listening to porn, reading erotica, or having phone sex with a partner, and everything changes. Because the toy is so light, as my ass starts to squeeze around the toy, it begins to rub back and forth and “awaken the prostate.” After a while, without ever touching my dick or the toy with my hands, I notice intense tingling in my ass and cock, and if I ride those waves of pleasure I can usually come hands free (sometimes with ejaculation and sometimes not). I am always left feeling completely blissed out. A few times, I’ve pushed through and done this multiple times in a row before removing the toy and passing out from how good it is.

As far as downsides, the toy feels a bit cheap because of the material, and it can discolor slightly over time even when properly cleaned, and can occasionally need manual realignment during use, but those are minor nitpicks. I’d recommend an Aneros toy to anyone with a P-spot who wants to experience entirely new kinds of pleasure and stimulation, and all my friends who I’ve told to get them over the years have thanked me profusely after using them. Aneros toys are as great as they’ve ever been, and now I’m eyeing an even bigger one…

Njoy Pfun

It’s no secret that Kate and I are both huge fans of the Njoy product line. Their toys are premium stainless steel objects, and their designs feel at once inevitable, beautiful, and ingenious. The Njoy Pfun ($89.99) is no exception. It’s a lot more than “pretty fun;” it’s extremely fun to use. Kate recommend me this toy years ago as part of one of our D/s protocols, and it’s hands-down one of the best sex toy purchases I’ve ever made.

The Pfun is a solid medical-grade stainless steel prostate massager with a polished mirror finish. It’s a very manageable 4.75” long (3.5” insertable) and its sculpted head measures 1.25” wide. It’s silky smooth once lubricated with whatever lube you like, and slides in easily with a handy looped base that can be used for thrusting or easy removal.

Unlike an Aneros, the Pfun is very heavy and holds your body heat (or the chill of an ice bath if you’re into temperature play) so the stimulation comes less from automatic movement and more from the pressure of unyielding steel. Squeezing on the Pfun feels eyes-rolling-back-in -my-head incredible. The density and solidity of the steel even makes it seem like it’s growing, inflating, or pushing back on me as I tighten around it and allow the toy to subtly stroke my prostate like some kind of skilled robot lover that’s amazing with its chrome hands.

There are so many ways to play with this toy and it excels at all of them that I’ve tried: alone with or without dick stimulation, or partnered during intercourse, oral sex, double penetration, or a kink scene. In each case, the Pfun makes everything else feel much more intense and makes my orgasm noticeably harder, longer, and stronger, leaving me panting in a puddle of cum. When I think back on the best blowjobs I’ve ever received in my life, they were all accompanied by this exact object in my ass.

The only thing this toy isn’t great for is long-term wear. Because of its shape, it’ll more easily get squeezed out as you go about your day than, say, an Njoy Pure Plug, which excels in that context. I’m fortunate to have both, and I use them each for what they’re best at.

If you’ve tried prostate stimulation, and you’re ready and able to upgrade to the best of the best, get a Pfun. You won’t regret it.

B-Vibe Rimming Plug 2

While it may not be completely original, the B-Vibe Rimming Plug 2 is my go-to vibrating butt plug. Also suggested by Kate, I’ve used this toy enough times since I got it a few years ago that I’ve had to replace the remote battery. The Rimming Plug is marketed as mimicking the sensations of analingus, and while it doesn’t exactly hit that mark for me because nothing quite feels like a wet tongue, it does feel amazing in a slightly different way.

The waterproof, magnetically-charging plug, which comes in a few different sizes and colors, has two rumbly motors – one inside the bulb that vibrates, and one inside the neck that rotates internal beads underneath the toy’s satin-textured silicone exterior. This allows the toy to stimulate both the inside of your hole and the sensitive opening at the same time! Or you can start with just one and ramp up to both, if you prefer. The sensation of the rotating beads feels like someone fingering or fucking my ass, and if I get the patterns just right, I can come from just this toy alone. While the shape doesn’t directly target the prostate, it’s more than powerful and large enough to hit the spot consistently.

The toy has a bunch of really nice touches: a well-designed and discreet travel case, an included wireless remote for partner play or to avoid reaching between your ass cheeks to adjust it, 7 really great rotation patterns and intensities, and 6 of the same for the internal vibrator.

My only gripe with this toy is that the tip shape is not tapered enough for me, which makes insertion a little uncomfortable no matter how warmed up I am and how much lube I use. But once I get past that, this toy wins me right back with how good it makes me feel. Get it for yourself or the rimming fan in your life and you won’t be disappointed. Promise I’m not just giving you lip service. 😜