5 Ways I Make Money As a Blogger

Kate Sloan

This is one of the questions I get asked most often about blogging, so I figured it was time to address it in more detail!

While I don’t know that I’d consider blogging my full-time job, for the past few years years it’s brought in about 45-65% of my total income. Here are the main avenues through which I make money from running this blog…

 

Sponsored content

This is the biggest aspect of what I do here, income generation-wise; sponsored posts brought in 44% of my total blog income in 2020. For the first couple years that I blogged here, I was very resistant to taking on sponsored post assignments – but then I started learning from the lovely ladies of the Blogcademy about what a good sponsored post can be. The best ones, IMO, are entertaining, valuable for readers, and written in your blog’s usual style/voice. After all, that’s what your readers are there for!

Usually, I get a fair amount of freedom to pick the topics and details of my sponsored posts – in part because I basically require this when negotiating deals with potential clients – so all I have to do that’s out of the ordinary is find a way to incorporate 1-3 specific links, with specific keywords, as per the client’s request. I love doing sponsored posts because they allow me to get paid for doing what I like best: writing for my audience, about (mostly) whatever the hell I feel like writing about!

(By the way, a lot of companies seem to think “sponsored post” and “guest post” are synonymous. I get many requests per week to repost someone else’s writing here, in exchange for a fee – but I started this blog because I love to write, not because I love to get paid to post other people’s content! So if someone refuses to let me write the post myself, I tell them we’re not a good fit and bid them adieu.)

 

Advertising

You might notice that there are some banner ads over there in my sidebar, and some text links toward the bottom. These aren’t huge moneymakers – mine made up about 20% of my total blog income last year – but that’s still nothing to sneeze at.

I have similar policies for ads as I do for sponsored content: they have to be relevant to my readership and in line with my ethics. I reserve the right to refuse ads that I consider sexist, homophobic, transphobic, etc., which thankfully hasn’t been much of a problem in the time that I’ve been blogging.

 

Affiliate commissions

Affiliate commissions made up about 35% of my total blog income last year. When I write about sex toys, I often (though not always) use affiliate links. That way, if a reader ends up buying a product through my link, I get a small kickback from that purchase (usually 15-20%) at no added cost to the customer. It’s essentially a way that toy-makers and retailers can incentivize writers to mention their products, and can reward them for doing so.

However, contrary to what some people think, this doesn’t necessarily mean that writers are lying about products when they use affiliate links! See, if I told you a product was great when it actually sucked, or if I wrote something I obviously didn’t actually believe, my readers would figure that out pretty quick and would stop trusting me – which, of course, would not be great for my continued ability to make a living in this field! I also have several affiliates who carry approximately a zillion different products, so there’s very little reason for me to link to a product I don’t like when I could just link to one I do like instead.

 

Consulting

While there are hundreds upon hundreds of blog posts’ worth of information on this site, I can’t answer every single specific question my readers may have. In some cases, they write to me to book a consulting session, so I can advise them (usually via email, sometimes via Skype/Zoom/etc.) on a specific problem they’re having in their life, related to sex, kink, relationships, or something else that I know a thing or two about.

I don’t take on too many of these clients these days because frankly I’m usually too overrun with other projects, but it is nice to be able to help folks from time to time.

 

Other writing assignments

I don’t count the income from non-blog writing when tallying up how much money my blog has made each year, because it is a separate thing – but in some cases, I wouldn’t have been offered an assignment if not for this blog!

Sometimes companies reach out wanting me to write for their on-site blog, or to do copywriting for their product pages. Sometimes editors at publications ask me to expand on a particular topic for their site, having seen me mention said topic here before. A couple times, commissioning editors at publishing houses have even reached out to ask me about writing books for them. “Exposure” isn’t good enough payment on its own, as any frustrated freelancer will tell you – but the exposure I get from this blog often gets me gigs that pay in actual money. Cool!

 

Fellow “pro bloggers,” where does the bulk of your income come from?

P.S. Want more posts like this? Check out the “writing” category of this site!

Review: Sohimi Sucking Clitoris Stimulator & Wand Massager

Kate Sloan

I feel like I’ve reviewed approximately one zillion pressure-wave toys as of late… and I sort of have. But, encouragingly for this once-tiny category of sex toy, each one I’ve reviewed recently has been pretty different. There used to be very little variety in pressure-wave land, but now you can get tons of different takes on this same basic idea.

Today I’m reviewing the Sohimi Sucking Clitoris Stimulator & Wand Massager, which I think needs a much snappier name, like perhaps the Suck ‘n’ Buzz, or the Beyond Wand. (Okay, no one should hire me as a sex toy namer. That much is clear.)

This petite pink rechargeable wand vibrator has a classic wand head at one end, and a clitoral suction nozzle at the other end. At first I was confused about why anyone would want this, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me. Vibration and pressure waves are the two major modes of clitoral stimulation that the sex toy industry offers these days; it’s a cool idea to package them both in one toy, so that regardless of which one you’re in the mood for, you’ll have both at the ready. Or you can start with one and switch to the other mid-session, something I often do.

The pressure-wave functionality of this toy is… not my favorite. The nozzle isn’t as tiny as that of the Sohimi Hedgehog, but is still pretty small, so it’ll probably only stimulate the very tip of your clit. It starts out very mild – which I appreciate, since suction toys can often feel wayyy too intense toward the beginning of a session – and gets much stronger as you cycle through its 7 suction modes. But rather than feeling rumbly and rhythmic, these pressure waves start to just feel like buzzy vibration as I turn up their intensity – so eventually they just numb the tip of my clit and don’t feel like much of anything. Boo.

The vibration component of this toy is much more compelling to me. It’s a weird blend of buzzy and rumbly. I’m sure it’s not ideal for everyone, but it surprised me with how much it felt like “the best of both worlds”: it contains some of the deep, delightful thrumming I associate with rumbly vibration, but also has that surface-level, buzzy edge that can sometimes push me into an orgasm. The orgasms I have with this toy are, indeed, very intense, and come on surprisingly fast.

It’s strong from the get-go, strong enough that I have to spend a good few minutes moving it around my outer labia and thighs before I’m warmed-up enough to put it on my clit. The vibrations get a bit buzzier as they get stronger, but it’s still nowhere near the shitty, desensitizing sensation I get from most inexpensive wands of this one’s ilk.

The powerful vibrations are, I think, especially well-suited for transmitting through something, like underwear or even another sex toy. I used this vibe on my partner’s cock cage while they were in chastity, for example, and the sensation traveled through the cage loud and clear.

There are only three steady speeds, followed by a handful of patterns. I do wish there were more steady modes available, since they’re what I use almost exclusively, but this annoyance is easily mitigated by just moving the vibe around on my vulva. The same speed can feel very intense when it’s on my clit and much less intense when it’s on my labia (of course), and I use this strategy to make the vibe’s limitations work for me.

Unfortunately this toy is suuuuper loud, despite its marketing copy claiming that it is quiet. (I don’t know why so many sex toy manufacturers insist on saying their demonstrably loud toys are actually nearly silent. If someone is shopping for a quiet toy, it’s generally because they need a quiet toy, due to their living situation. Companies should not lie about this!) It actually makes a somewhat ugly, grinding sound. The noise eases up a bit when I press the toy against my body – or when I use it in the bath, which is doable because it’s fully waterproof – but it’s still loud enough to be heard through a closed door.

One neat thing about this toy is that you can enable both the suction mode and the vibration at the same time – so, theoretically, you could use it with a partner, like a double-ended dildo except for external stimulation only. (Well, I guess you could try to insert the wand head into your vagina, but I wouldn’t recommend it.)

For its $35 price tag, I think you could do a whole lot worse than the Sohimi Sucking Clitoris Stimulator & Wand Massager. Its vibrations are significantly more powerful than what you’d typically find in a vibrator at this price point, and I like that you can switch between suction and vibration at will for a more varied masturbation session. If you have the cash, I’d recommend you just get two separate toys that do their jobs very well (and much more quietly than this one), like perhaps the Satisfyer Pro 2 and Bodywand Midnight, which would run you about $90 total. But I know many people’s budgets are tight right now, and to that end, I think the Sohimi Sucking Clitoris Stimulator & Wand Massager is a pretty cool product if you want big vibrations in a small package, with a side of clitoral suction. Just don’t expect to be able to hear your sexytimes playlist over the roar of the vibe.

 

Thanks to Sohimi for sending me this toy! This review was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Lelo Sila

Kate Sloan

Sometimes when I get high, I start rambling about clitoral politics.

“Clitoral politics, huh?” my spouse said, half-suspicious and half-amused, when I brought up this phrase during a recent intoxicated soliloquy.

“Yes. Let me explain,” I said, and I did. See, I’d been reading Kink earlier that week, which is a book of short stories about sex, power, sensuality, etc. written by famous authors who mostly are not known for lewd work. One of those authors is Roxane Gay, who I admire very much – and notably, at one point in her story, she used the phrase “base of my clit” to describe the particular pleasure point where her protagonist was being stimulated. This made me very happy.

As previously discussed, when it comes to clitoral stimulation, indirectness is my jam – and when it comes to oral sex in particular, full-mouth stimulation (as opposed to surface-level tongue-flicking) is my preference. Although my clit is average-sized, these methods necessitate an understanding of the clitoris as a three-dimensional structure. The glans of a penis isn’t the whole penis, and the glans of a clitoris isn’t the whole clitoris. Even setting aside the huge portion of the clitoris that is buried inside the body, even the external portion of the clit has a head, a shaft, and – yes – a base. (Thanks, Roxane. You are thought-provoking as ever.)

I hopped onto Google and searched some phrases relevant to this line of thinking. When I saw that the phrase “shaft of my clit” brought up only 3 pages of results, and that one of those results was a sex toy review on my own blog, I knew I needed to talk more about this stuff. When I invoke the phrase “clitoral politics,” what I mean, mostly, is the sociocultural import of discussing the clitoris as a three-dimensional object, as a major source of pleasure and orgasms, and as a structure more complex and worthy of study than the vast majority of mainstream sex publications even hint at.

This brings me to the Lelo Sila. Like many sex toy enthusiasts, I have a love/hate relationship with Lelo that has leaned harder on the “hate” side of the spectrum in recent years. Their structurally problematic condoms, needlessly sky-high prices, and baffling decision to hire a known domestic abuser as their spokesperson have all made me wary of them. But they made the Sila, and, well… on at least the topic of clitoral politics, the Sila and I seem to be aligned with one another.

The Sila is yet another toy that uses “sonic waves.” Every company that makes one of these toys seems to have a different name for them; Satisfyer uses “air-pulse technology,” Womanizer prefers “pleasure air technology,” and Dame favors “pressure wave technology.” These toymakers usually claim that their take on the technology in question is somehow unique, and I don’t have the mechanical knowledge necessary to confirm or dispute that. I can tell you that even as a seasoned sex toy reviewer, I often have trouble discerning and describing the differences between these toys’ sensations. There are definitely some pressure-wave toys I like better than some others, but I often have trouble explaining why, even though it is my literal job to do so. They just don’t seem to vary as much from toy to toy, sensation-wise, as, say, dildos or butt plugs can.

Dat mouth, tho

The Lelo Sila is different, though, because of the way it is shaped. It has a very wide “mouth” for this type of toy, because it is designed to envelop not just the tip of the clit, but the external clit in its entirety. “Build your sexual experience with [the Sila’s] softer, deeper, and overall bigger mouth that will give you complete satisfaction from top to bottom,” Lelo says in the toy’s marketing copy, and (uncommonly for sex toy marketing copy) they’re actually right: the Sila’s opening is wide and deep enough to enclose my clit all the way down to its base. (Ooh, that phallic language is making me nervous to type out. That’s how I know I need to keep typing it!)

Toys designed for cis women don’t generally do this. Maybe there’s a perception that we won’t enjoy this type of stimulation, because it’s too blowjob-esque. The qualities I’m extolling here are many of the same ones that make the Sila a potentially great toy for transmasculine folks with testosterone-induced bottom growth. But cis women can enjoy that type of stimulation too – and enjoy it, I do.

The Sila’s mouth also has a wide, flat silicone ring encircling it – its “lips,” if you will – which presses against the space between my outer and inner labia when my clit’s inside the toy. This has the effect of stimulating not only my labia but also the deeper, buried “legs” of my clit that lie under the surface in that area. (The flat ring also enables the Sila to maintain a better suction seal around my clit, a chronic problem with this type of toy, especially when I close my thighs tight around it.) What results is a much more full-bodied, satisfying sensation than the typical clit stimulator would ever be able to provide.

Some of my sex toy reviewer friends – including Rae at TheNotice.net, who also reviewed this toy – have noted that the Sila isn’t as powerful as they would prefer. I only ever seem to use the first 3-5 of its 8 speeds, though, because the deep rumbly sensation of the toy stimulating my entire clitoral shaft is apparently enough to get me off even without a ton of power behind it. (I guess this is also why I adore the Eroscillator, which thrums my internal clitoris marvelously but has been decried by many other sex toy reviewers as not powerful enough.) I would agree that this toy is probably not the ideal thing if you’re a fan of, say, super strong wand vibrators, or intense direct clit stimulation. But it’s not wimpy, either, and gets me off with a speed and ease that many other pressure-wave toys could only dream of.

A major elephant in the room here is that the Lelo Sila costs $169 (nice) in the U.S., and $219-229 in Canada. A friend recently asked me if she should buy a Sila, having never tried a pressure-wave toy before, and I strongly cautioned her against it – because if you’ve never put one of these things on your clit, you can’t really know for certain if you’ll like it, and I wouldn’t want anyone to waste $150+ on a toy they might never use again. My advice would be to start with a much cheaper toy from this category, like the Satisfyer Pro 2 ($50). If you try one, and enjoy the sensation but wish the toy’s mouth was wider and deeper, then you’ll probably dig the Sila.

Notably, my orgasms with pressure-wave toys are different than my orgasms with other toys, and not always in a good way. There’s something about the novelty and speediness of the sensation that sometimes causes me to have a small, shitty orgasm all of a sudden, before I’m able to even realize what’s happening and dial back the stimulation. It reminds me of porn bloopers I’ve seen where a cis male performer comes sooner than he’s expecting to, unable to hold it back. That idea turns me on a lot in porn, but for myself, I’d rather have a more deliberate and more intense orgasm, even if it takes more time and effort. A lot of my orgasms with the Sila have been of the “Wait, was that an orgasm?” variety, despite how good the toy feels up to that point. It’s really weird and probably has to do with the indirectness of the “touchless” sensation.

I’ve had good orgasms with pressure-wave toys; they’re just less common for me than they are with vibrators and oscillators, for whatever reason. But even when I’m just using the Lelo Sila as a warm-up toy, planning to finish myself off with my hand or another toy later on, it still feels pretty damn excellent. I can take it in the bath, or use it hands-free while reading erotica, or fantasize about incredible oral sex while it’s pressed against me. It does something that no other toy I’ve tried has done: stimulates my entire external clit, from base to tip. It may not be transformative, as far as clitoral politics go, but it’s a start.

 

Thanks to Lelo for sending me this toy to try! You can get one at SheVibe ($169.00) or Peepshow ($169.99).

Monthly Faves: Blue Leather & Deep Rest

Kate Sloan

Wow, it’s been a long while since I’ve done one of these! Here are some of my fave things from January and December…

 

Media

• Matt and I devoured all of Schitt’s Creek together in a matter of weeks, and it’s truly wonderful. Dan Levy is a national treasure, Catherine O’Hara’s costumes and diction regularly made me screech, and it’s so amazing to see queer relationships being depicted in a setting that intentionally lacks homophobia. Would recommend if you’re looking for a new feel-good show to watch and you love black leather, musical theatre, pansexual weirdos, and/or silly sitcoms.

• Some TikTok youths started collaboratively writing Ratatouille: the Musical as a joke, and then it turned into an actual show benefiting the Actors Fund. I hadn’t seen Ratatouille so we watched it the night before seeing the livestreamed musical. The songs absolutely slap; I was particularly enamored with Tituss Burgess’s impassioned portrayal of Remy the rat, and Adam Lambert singing the hell out of a bop called “Rat’s Way of Life.”

• I got to read an advance copy of Torrey Peters’ new novel Detransition, Baby, and it’s a fucking tour de force. A trans woman writing a poignant trans and queer story full of wit, wonder, and social commentary? Yes please!

• The brilliant music writer Sean Michaels makes a list every December of his favorite 100 songs of the year, and it’s always a goldmine of fantastic music recommendations and beautiful music writing. The 2020 list was especially juicy; I made a playlist of my faves and have been steadily absorbing them ever since.

• In an attempt to understand the former president’s psychology a little better (such as it is), I read his niece Mary Trump’s excellent book Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man. Here are my highlights from the book, if you’re curious. There is some absolutely buckwild shit in there.

 

Products

• Matt’s present to me for our 3rd anniversary was a set of pale blue leather bondage restraints from Anoeses. It’s sooo luxe and stunning. I keep wanting to dress up in lingerie + heels + these restraints to do a super glamorous kinky photoshoot.

• I’ve been really enjoying the ways in which my partner and I play with consensual financial domination lately. (Should I do a blog post reviewing all the fancy presents I’ve “forced” them to buy for me?!) One of the manifestations I think we both enjoy most of this is when I “make” them buy me things when they’re super turned on, as a precondition of letting them out of chastity, or even just giving them some mild vibration with a Magic Wand through their cock cage. One such purchase that made me swoon this month was a Coach Willis bag colorblocked with black, grey, and pale blue. I’ve always loved the Willis style for its structured shape and clean lines, and already own a vintage black one, but the modernized, updated design is gorgeous in its own way and feels very grown-up. Maybe I’ll wear it to some businessy event in the future, if such a thing exists…

• Another recent findom gift: a navy-blue Extra Large Warmer scarf from Yokoo, whose knitwear I’ve always thought was sublime. She made me a cranberry-colored cowl a few years back that is definitely one of the warmest things I own (which is important to us Canadians!), and this new one is every bit as cozy and makes me feel like urban glamour personified.

• With new variants of COVID floating around, it seemed prudent to invest in some better masks than the flimsy fabric ones from Etsy I bought early last year and had been wearing ever since. I bought a trio of new ones from Sartor Masks and am very happy with them – they’re made of double- or triple-layered sturdy fabric, have a pocket for a filter, have nose wires that can actually contend with my big ol’ schnoz, and seem to fog up my glasses less egregiously than other masks have. Yay!

• Speaking of masks, albeit of a different kind… I’m an eye-mask evangelist, because wearing one every night has improved my sleep quality massively, thereby lessening a lot of my chronic illness symptoms. I decided to upgrade mine recently, and took the Wirecutter’s recommendation to buy a Nidra Deep Rest mask. It is truly next-level. Adjustable velcro strap, contoured nose gap, and deep eye cups that don’t interfere with the natural eye-fluttering that happens during sleep. Divine.

 

Work & Appearances

• The revered art-porn company Andrew Blake asked me to write some blog posts for them, so I wrote about sexy loungewear’s effect on self-esteem and the (un)importance of penis size.

• You know how some couples announce their engagement/marriage in the New York Times? Well, the first publication (other than my own) to acknowledge my marriage was Vice, in this great Chingy Nea article about making long-distance relationships work. Couldn’t have hoped for a better coronation into wifehood!

• The amazing folks at SheVibe have been making trading cards of sex educators, and I was so flattered that they asked me if I’d like to be included! My card makes me so happy. I only wish I really owned that cool blue leather jacket my illustrated avatar is sporting!

• As part of my continuing protocol where I have to learn and record at least one song per month, I recently learned how to play the song “Harvey” by Her’s, an earworm that had been haunting me. It’s a really fun track based on the play/movie Harvey – yes, the one with the giant imaginary rabbit. I love having a ukulele with me here while I’m stuck in New York – it makes it much easier to be away from home for this long.

• Recent discussion topics on the Dildorks included making marriage kinky, orgasm quandaries, our 2020 sex lives in review, household service in D/s dynamics, platonic touch and intimacy, sex and aging, and what happens when your long-distance relationship isn’t long-distance anymore.

• Some recent favorite essays from my Sub Missives newsletter: daydreams about the ideal New Year’s Eve outfit, answers to questions from the Sex subreddit, reminiscences of sneaky dildo adventures, and reflections on capitalism + card games with the cool kids.

 

Good Causes

• The Black Trans COVID-19 Fund provides the Black trans community with food, shelter, healthcare, and other necessities. They are doing important work and deserve your support!

• The Innocence Project works to exonerate people who have been wrongfully convicted and jailed, using DNA evidence. Brilliant and necessary.

• Unicorn Riot is a nonprofit independent media organization that seeks to “expose root causes of dynamic social and environmental issues through amplifying stories and exploring sustainable alternatives in today’s globalized world.”

• The Emergency Release Fund helps bail out trans people who have been jailed in New York City, because pre-trial detention can be a particularly high-risk time for trans folks.

Review: Sohimi Mini Tongue Vibrator

Kate Sloan

The sex toy industry has been trying for many years to produce something that feels like cunnilingus. While certain toys have managed to replicate an aspect of good oral, like the rhythmic sucking of a Satisfyer or the tongue-flicking of a Sqweel, none have really been able to mimic the whole sensation of receiving good head. I think that’s because it’s very person-dependent and anatomy-dependent, and usually involves a mix of sucking and stroking that toys are just not capable of yet.

That said, though – some of these toys still feel pretty damn good, even if they don’t exactly feel like oral sex.

Sohimi sent me their Mini Tongue Vibrator, and I was skeptical, but intrigued. Could a tiny silicone tongue really get me off? Could the motor of a $16 sex toy get me off in any configuration, for that matter?

I had been burned (proverbially speaking) by cheap tongue-shaped vibrators before. Usually they’re just made to look like a tongue, but don’t actually move like one or feel like one at all – they feel like vibration. This toy is a bit different, though: the tongue actually does move back and forth a little, albeit very fast, so it creates a sensation that’s much more akin to tapping or oscillation than vibration. In practice, this means that it doesn’t cause numbness as quickly as many vibrators do, and the rumbling seems to extend more deeply into my internal clit. Definitely a good thing!

I would strongly recommend using a ton of lube with this toy, because no one likes a dry tongue (except maybe Ellie Kemper in that one comedy video). Water-based lube is probably your best bet because the toy is silicone, but you’ll likely need to reapply (or reactivate the lube with a little water) periodically when it dries out.

Soft silicone “petals” form a ring around the tongue which is supposed to be able to create a suction effect if you press it against your vulva, with the tongue in the centre against your clit. I suspected this would not work for my body, and I was right – I prefer indirect clitoral stimulation so I tend to hold the tongue against the side or hood of my clit instead of directly on the head, like this method requires. However, I do enjoy the feeling of having my entire clit enveloped, at least psychologically if not physically.

Sohimi’s website says this toy is “super quiet without noise. You cannot be heard at close range by anyone when using this tongue vibrator,” and that’s just laughably untrue. It’s a loud toy; most flappy-tongue toys are loud, due to the nature of their mechanics. It’s loud enough to be heard clearly from across the room and faintly through a closed door. It does quiet down a bit when pressed against flesh, but not enough that I’d call it a quiet toy by any means.

As with many toys of this type, this one slows down a bit when you press it against your body – but unlike a lot of other toys for which this is true, the Sohimi one’s motor doesn’t struggle or overheat when this happens. As a result, I feel free to experiment with applying different amounts of pressure to achieve different intensities of tongue-flapping. More pressure = slower, rumblier flicks; less pressure = faster, buzzier, more aggressive flicks.

It’s cool to have that level of control, because this toy only has 3 steady settings. All the other ones are patterns, and I just can’t bring myself to care about patterns – I’m a steady-speed girl all the way. Offbeat rhythms are sometimes cool when an actual tongue does them, but with a robot tongue like this one, irregular intervals of vibration just distract and annoy me instead of turning me on.

While I was surprised by how powerful this toy is for its tiny size, I don’t think it’s quite strong enough to get me off. Either that or the highest speed is just too distractingly loud for me to reach orgasm with it. But I gotta say, I still think this toy feels really good and really unique, and that there are a lot of people who would enjoy it. It doesn’t numb my clit like most vibrators in its price range, it’s super portable, and I love its flowery aesthetic. With its mere $16 price tag (at time of writing), the Sohimi Mini Tongue Vibrator is probably the best oral sex simulacrum you’re gonna find for under $50. I wish it was quieter, but hey… real oral sex can be noisy too. 😉

 

This review was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.