12 Days of Girly Juice 2020: 9 Best New Sex Toys

Kate Sloan

It is odd to be writing this from my spouse’s sofa in New York while the majority of my sex toy collection is back home in Toronto. It is odd to have to call upon sense-memories of what these products feel like, instead of just being able to pick them up, place them on my junk, and make a pronouncement borne of concrete reality. But this entire year has been odd, and so have our relationships to places and people and objects that are not located within the tiny rooms many of us have been stuck in.

So here are the 9 best sex toys I acquired in 2020, ranked according to something much more simple than the multi-categoried rating systems some sex toy reviewers adhere to – my list is based solely on how much delight the thought of each product conjures in my mind when I think of it. That has to do, I suppose, with how much pleasure these toys have given me over the year, creating a Pavlovian link between my experience of them and the sight of them, even in photos taken months ago and 500 miles away.

 

9. Dame Arc (available at SheVibe)

I told you about this toy very recently, so I won’t blather on about it here. Suffice it to say, it’s a G-spot vibe that manages to be much more than that – and it looks very pretty on my nightstand, in my hand, and in my holes. I look forward to seeing whatever Dame does in 2021!

 

 

8. Vibratex Magic Wand Plus (available at SheVibe, Peepshow, Come As You Are [Canada], and the Smitten Kitten)

I admire Vibratex for committing so steadfastly to making a toy that is neither flashy nor fancy. The thing about wand vibrators is that they do not need to have either of those qualities; they just need to be strong, rumbly, easy to hold, and easy to operate. This is why the wand category in any sex shop, online or offline, can be one of the plainest-looking sections but can also garner some of the highest customer ratings of the entire catalogue.

The Magic Wand Plus is the Platonic ideal of a plug-in wand vibrator. It does what you expect it to do, and no more, because that’s all it needs to do. It’s not exciting or interesting, nor does it have to be in order to keep its prized spot plugged in next to my bed, where it will likely remain for years to come, called upon a few times a week to deliver efficient and predictable orgasms. It’s like the friend of yours who is never the life of the party but is always the designated driver for whom your heart explodes with drunken love at the end of every evening out. I love it; I think most people would.

 

7. We-Vibe Nova 2 (available at SheVibe, Peepshow, Come As You Are [Canada], and the Smitten Kitten)

Finding a rabbit vibrator that works for your body is like finding a pair of jeans that works for your body: harder for some people than others, and a huge mood-booster when it finally happens. My Nova 2 and my favorite Madewell jeans have in common the ability to make me heave a sigh of relief: My body isn’t weird or broken after all!

The problem of creating a universally-useable dual-stimulation vibe has plagued the sex toy industry since dual-stim toys became a thing, and We-Vibe made big strides with their Nova 2. Its flexible arms give it more customizability and adaptability than any rabbit vibe I’ve ever tried. If you’re determined to get a dual-stim toy (and frankly, I think two separate toys are the better call for most people), this is the one I would recommend.

 

6. Hot Octopuss Amo (available at SheVibe and Peepshow)

Lots of my pals with penises are jealous of the vast variety of vibrators available to people with vulvas; Hot Octopuss’s rumbly-as-fuck dick vibes are some of the only products that’ve ever made me wish I had a penis. So it was thrilling that the company evidently used its profound knowledge of good motors to create such a powerful bullet vibe.

It can feel a bit vulnerable and worrying to be a person who sometimes needs vibration to get off – I often find myself feeling jealous of friends and partners who can get off just about anywhere, using only their hand (or, like, a partner’s thigh). But with small vibrators as powerful as this one on the market, I feel much more equipped to have sexual adventures away from home, even impromptu ones! (…Post-pandemic, I mean.)

 

5. Satisfyer Curvy 2

I’m not sure why this doesn’t seem to be sold at any reputable North American stores, or why I was given one at ANME if Satisfyer didn’t plan on making it available over here, but nonetheless… The Curvy 2 is probably my favorite pressure-wave toy at the moment, and the one that feels the most like good oral sex to me. The nozzle is a good size for my clit, and the shape and size of the toy are ergonomic even for my achy hands.

This toy also has the benefit of being useable as a G-spot vibrator if you flip it around. And the Satisfyer app remains one of the best and most responsive sex toy apps I’ve ever used. While I wish this company would quit plagiarizing Fun Factory so much, I can’t deny that some of their designs are brilliantly unique, and the Curvy 2 is a prime example.

 

4. Clone-a-Willy (available at SheVibe and Peepshow)

Maybe listing this toy here is sort of cheating because what I’m really commenting on is the size and shape of my partner’s dick, not a pre-made dildo… but… the Clone-a-Willy is a fun product in and of itself, because you get to do a science experiment that ends with you owning a brand-new vibrating dildo!

I think this is one of the most inventive products on the market. It has occasionally been imitated but has never been replicated. It is just so cool to be able to make a copy of your favorite dick (or dildo, or cucumber, or fist…), especially so affordably.

 

3. Laid D2 (available at Peepshow)

I mean… it’s a beautiful, smooth, heavy dildo made of 500-million-year-old granite. It can hit my G-spot and my A-spot. What’s not to like?!

This toy has even made its way into the rotation of dildos my spouse routinely uses to fuck me – which is a high honor, because usually they stick to toys I’ve owned forever and that we know work well for me, like the Eleven and Double Trouble. The D2 is just that good.

 

2. Kinklab Power Tripper (available at SheVibe and Come As You Are [Canada])

I bought this for mb as an anniversary present last year, and it was definitely one of those “this is technically for you but secretly it’s also for me” gifts. The Power Tripper is an attachment for the Neon Wand, an electrostimulation toy. When you plug the Power Tripper into the Neon Wand and then tuck it into the waistband of your underwear (or somewhere else on your body), you yourself become an E-stim toy. Every time you touch your partner, they’ll feel a zap of pain wherever you made contact.

This is really fun for sadomasochistic play, because it makes the whole process feel more organic and intuitive. It’s like being able to pick up a slice of pizza with your hands when you were previously trying to knife-and-fork your way through it. I didn’t bring any of my other Neon Wand attachments with me to New York this time because they’re delicate and bulky, but it’s okay because the Power Tripper is basically all we need at this point.

 

1. New York Toy Collective Carter (available at SheVibe and Come As You Are [Canada])

This dildo brings me so much joy, whether it’s strapped into my Aslan Leather harness, or slamming into me while my partner grips it firmly, or just sitting on a windowsill looking pretty. It was a Valentine’s Day gift from mb, in my two favorite colors, and is simply one of the prettiest dildos I’ve ever owned.

But it’s not just pretty. It’s squishy and comfy and flexible and can also hit all my internal spots with aplomb. And I just feel better using it than I do with mass-produced toys from mainstream companies, because New York Toy Collective is a Black-, trans-, and queer-owned business, so I’m happy to support them whenever I can.

 

What were your favorite sex toys of the year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2020: 10 Perfect Sex Songs

Kate Sloan

We have arrived at one of my favorite 12 Days of Girly Juice instalments: the one where I tell you about some of the sexiest songs I grooved on this year! I will admit that while this list was originally meant to be literal sex songs, i.e. songs you would want to listen to while having sex, it has transformed over the years and become moreso a list of songs that feel sexual or sensual in some way, but aren’t necessarily sexy, if that makes sense. You’ll see what I mean…

As ever, here’s a Spotify playlist that contains all of this year’s picks + those from every previous year I’ve done this. Enjoy!

Her’s – Low Beam

I know what you’re thinking / You can take me for a ride / Baby, hit me harder / ‘Cause I’m never gonna hide / You can keep on running, but you’re running out of track / I’m-a keep it coming, as a matter of fact

I wrote a bit about this band last year; they’re a duo who were tragically killed in a car crash in 2019, so listening to them is very bittersweet. I’m absolutely enamored with their sound – the peppy guitar parts, the sensuous harmonies, the singer’s deep and morose voice.

I don’t really know what “Low Beam” is about – this band’s lyrics can be charmingly opaque at times – but I do know that it was a central component of my first shrooms trip in February. For some reason, the line “You can keep on running, but you’re running out of track” got lodged in my head and became a mantra, an affirmation, a tether, an anchor. I begged my trip-sitter Brent to put this song on the stereo several times throughout that day, and danced my ass off every time. This song just… feels good in my body and brain, like laughing at a party with friends, or strutting down the street on a sunny day, or – yes – excellent sex.

Brotherkenzie – Poems on My Phone

I’ve got the thought of you inside my bed / That thought’s the only thought inside my head / Mezcal left over from my birthday week / Still here, but without you it’s hard to drink

Brotherkenzie’s Big What was hands-down one of my favorite new albums this year. It’s contemplative, groovy, worried, and weird. “Poems on My Phone” stands out as a particularly poppy, hooky tune, and is also probably the sexiest track on the record.

It’s a “relatable mood,” as the kids are saying, because it’s about that feeling when someone you’re crushing on goes away for a while and you just can’t get them out of your head. The beat of this tune has the same plodding inevitability as intrusive infatuated thoughts: they just keep coming, uncontrollably, while you’re trying to focus on other things, and all you can really do about it is write poems on your phone.

Marika Hackman – Send My Love

Are you coming home to feel alone? / Did you love me tonight, or any night of our lives? / It’s never gonna be like it was before / The writing’s on the floor

I discovered this song while trying to scope out some lesbian drama online. The ever-fantastic Amber Bain, of the Japanese House (a band that’s appeared on this list more than once), dated fellow singer/songwriter Marika Hackman for years (so I gather), and indeed, several songs on her quintessential breakup album Good at Falling are about Marika. One day I was creeping through Amber’s social media posts and saw she had given her now-ex’s new album a resounding recommendation – and her favorite track, she said, was “Send My Love.” Obviously I had to give it a listen.

Marika’s sweet, lilting voice was so interesting to hear for the first time after listening to her ex warbling about her in a comparatively sad, gravelly voice for years. This song feels to me like Imogen Heap and Phoebe Bridgers’ lovechild – a driving rhythm, a pretty melody, a thoughtful vibe, and gay undertones out the wazoo.

Sarah Harmer – Late Bloomer

Never thought I’d be the marrying kind / It was nothing to be always left behind / From the ship that would sail with everyone on it / I said, “Give me the land – I know what I want and where I’m wanted” / But you came in whistling, “I’ll go if you’ll go” / And I was waiting around to play like an old piano

Okay, I know not everyone will think this song is sexy, but something about Sarah Harmer’s voice makes me into a crushy queer mess – and this song overflows with romantic tension moreso than sexual tension, the former being, paradoxically, sometimes the sexiest kind of tension. (To me, anyway.)

Sarah sings in this song about (so far as I can tell) falling hard for someone at a time when you felt sure you’d never fall that hard again. She sings about two people who thought they’d never get married, realizing that maybe they want to marry each other. It’s a last-ditch romance, a late-arriving passion, lost opportunities fading away to make room for new love. Sarah’s voice is clear and high one moment, and sexy and throaty the next. To me, this song feels like having a crush – but maybe I just have a crush on Sarah Harmer.

Alina Baraz – Take it Home

You say that you want someone to hold / I just wanna get you all alone / You just gotta say it / Don’t you keep me waiting

Alina’s been on this list every year it’s existed and the reason is clear: everything she makes is sexy. She’s in fine form here – breathy and sweet, full of yearning, singing over deep beats and smooth guitars that feel like being laid out on a big bed in a dim room by someone you’re excited to fuck.

I still find it amazing that you can hit “shuffle” on Alina Baraz’s whole discography and it’ll make the ideal sonic backdrop for sex, no matter what ends up playing. I mean. Could Alina be any more perfect?!

John Mayer – Do You Know Me?

It’s just the strangest thing / I’ve seen your face somewhere / An early evening dream / A past-life love affair / Do you know me at all?

This song came out in 2009 so I’m not sure how it’s never made its way onto this list before… It’s one of the most beautiful things John Mayer has ever written – which probably doesn’t sound like a high honor unless you’ve been a JM superfan at some point in your life like I have, because his hit songs are never the prettiest/smartest/best ones. But he’s masterful with pretty jazz chords and delicate guitar riffs, and this song is a prime example.

The lyrics are simple and spare, so it’s not totally clear what the song’s about, but I think it’s about that feeling when you see someone across the room at a party or a bar and you get the immediate sense that they’re going to be meaningful to you. Sometimes this instant resonance feels like love at first sight; sometimes it feels more like déja vu. Either way, it can be so impactful that it knocks you off your feet.

Missy Bauman – Why Do We Fight?

Is loving me too much for you? / You say that that’s unfair to you / The way that I just stared at you / I love you, I love you

I’m a little biased because my brother played drums on this track, but it really is stunning. “Dreamy drug folk” singer Missy‘s voice is clear as a bell here, sad, sensuous, sparkly. This song kinda sounds like what would result if My Brightest Diamond covered a Weeknd song: haunting, tragic, yet oddly sexy.

You know that period of time near the end of a relationship when you’re still having sex, but you know with near-certainty that you’re going to break up sometime soon? This song feels like that. Like the last gasps of something that used to feel good, and still does, a little.

Broken Social Scene – All to All

Call of forgiveness / I’m like the beat of the hurt / I’m not the only one you tried to save / When you fell out

I stumbled across this song because I was fervently Googling the beautiful Lisa Lobsinger, big-haired and soft-voiced lead singer of the long-defunct band Reverie Sound Revue (who I’ve mentioned on this list previously). She occasionally sings for Broken Social Scene, a “super-band” known for its huge rotating cast of players from the Canadian music world, like Feist and Emily Haines.

One of the magical things about Lisa Lobsinger is that she can make you feel things even if you can’t understand what she’s actually saying (and you often can’t). She can also take lyrics that don’t really make sense, and make them feel like a coherent emotional statement. All this to say: I have no clue what this song is about, but I know that it feels like it’s about regret, remorse, missed opportunities, “right place, wrong time,” and the way we ruminate when a relationship ends but we desperately wish it had not.

Chet Atkins – Take Five

This guitar arrangement of the Dave Brubeck Quartet classic is searching and chaotic and weird. “Take Five” is known among jazz nerds for its unusual quintuple time signature; most songs count to 3 or 4 in every bar, but this one counts to 5. To me, this makes “Take Five” feel more like the way bodies actually move in the dark. Fucking isn’t always steady or predictable; sometimes there’s sudden pauses to readjust, or brief interludes of still whispers, or hard thrusts thrown in like a wrench in the works. Our bodies and their rhythms are deeply erratic and that’s part of why they’re also erotic.

I heard this guitar version of the song while I was out somewhere, and Shazam’ed it immediately, because I was stunned by the skill involved. The original is a sax playing an iconic melody over top of some supportive piano chords, but Chet Atkins has somehow managed to cram all that complexity into a guitar arrangement he apparently played all at once, all by himself. If the Brubeck version feels like off-kilter sex, this version feels like off-kilter masturbation – equally charming, but in its own way.

Andy Shauf – Changer

I heard you’re back in town / Working at the drugstore / Did you get the city blues? / That, I can relate to / Change on, changer

Andy Shauf’s The Neon Skyline is probably my favorite new album of 2020. What can I say – I just love the guy. A quiet Canadian indie legend who pens thoughtful songs about made-up characters in made-up situations, he’s the type of brilliant songwriter who can make me cry through a computer screen. (And indeed he did, this year, when he played the sad gay unrequited love song “To You” on a fundraiser concert stream. I literally could not stop the tears from flowing and flowing. I think I got a bit dehydrated. Dammit, Andy.)

“Changer” is the closing track of Skyline; the protagonist has just spent the entire album yearning for his recent ex, Judy, and awkwardly trying to get her back, and “Changer” is a moment of sad reflection at the end of a drunken night. Judy has changed, while her mopey ex has not. He still wants her; she just wants to move on. I can picture this song playing on the jukebox at the Skyline bar where the album takes place, as our hero slow-dances with someone whose name he doesn’t know, trying to forget the love he doesn’t get to have anymore.

 

What sexy (or sexy-adjacent) songs did you love this year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2020: 11 Favorite Blog Posts

Kate Sloan
Blogger babe in her natural habitat, i.e. reading a sex book and drinking a cocktail in bed

By the time this year is over, I will have published 108+ blog posts on this website in 2020… Wow. Not as many as some previous years, but pretty good, considering that this year we had to deal with pandemic depression/displacement, and I also finished my book and got married!

It was a tough choice, but I think these are my 11 favorite blog posts I wrote this year… Feel free to go back and check ’em out if you’re looking for something to read!

 

I started off the year by writing about “The Most Beautiful Shoes in the World.” It’s a love letter to Loubs, a tribute to towering shoes, a manifesto on wobbly glamour. It’s also an essay about the tension between feminism and wanting/wearing pretty things, which unfortunately is a debate we’re still having in 2020.

Sometimes I write posts just as much for my own benefit as for my readers’, and that was the case with “Party-Going Tips for Shy, Anxious Introverts”! Most of this advice is fairly straightforward, but anxiety can make it difficult to remember even the most basic of coping mechanisms at the moment that you need them – so it’s good to have a “cheat sheet” at the ready, for whenever we can attend parties in person again!

Doing shrooms for the first time was definitely one of the most exciting things I did all year, so it was a lot of fun to write “20 Questions About My First Shrooms Trip.” I had some shrooms left over that I planned to use while alone at some point, but I think they’ve long since expired because I felt it would be too depressing/disorienting to do trippy psychedelics during a pandemic – even small sad things made me cry when I talked about them while tripping, so I thought it best to avoid shrooms while the world is so full of big sad things that are front-and-centre in our perception every day!

Writing fashion posts is a lot of fun for me, and I was glad to be able to do a lot more of that this year. It kinda surprised me that I hadn’t already written “What to Wear on Valentine’s Day” because I have a lot of opinions on this subject! In a broader sense, I think this is a post about the psychologically restorative power of dressing in a celebratory way – something that felt crucially important for me and many others while we were stuck at home for much of the year.

Sometimes it’s nice to write something really simple, like “How to Do Solo Foreplay.” Working in sex media for so long has shown me that some of the most “basic” sexual questions are ones that aren’t answered sufficiently in sex education, so a lot of people turn to Google, hoping it’ll fill them in. I also think solo foreplay became a particularly relevant topic this year even for sexually knowledgeable people, because masturbating and having sex during a pandemic (and, later, an attempted coup) is a whole different vibe and requires you to tune out your surroundings and tune into your pleasure even more than usual.

I was delighted to finally get to review the Clone-a-Willy after wanting one for many years! Writing this review was especially fun because it was more about a scientific process than a finished product. I really like how ours came out, and will probably do another one sometime soonish, since my pals at TheVibed recently sent me a glow-in-the-dark Clone-a-Willy kit as a wedding present!

I’m still as annoyed as I was when I wrote “Le Wand Keeps Copying Other Companies’ Sex Toy Designs,” especially since I’ve observed and heard about even more instances of this since I wrote that post (including the striking and no doubt not-coincidental similarities between Le Wand’s B-Vibe plugs and an older Mr. S Leather butt plug [link very NSFW], a fact I edited into my post after publication). I don’t want to be mad at Le Wand, and I wish they were better – I just really dislike plagiarism and think it’s inexcusable, especially in a field like sex toys where so many people struggle so much to get their original and inventive designs seen and produced. I hope this becomes less of a problem in 2021, but I’m not holding my breath.

I wrote “Handbags in the Age of Coronavirus” during a spell of femme obsession with leather bags galore. Despite being partly a celebration of materialism, it was also a contemplative essay on the role of aesthetic-based consumerism during a demoralizing pandemic, and the uselessness/usefulness of handbags while many of us were forced to stay home. (I ended up buying 3 new bags this year, if you’re wondering!)

Solo dates are one of the things I’ve missed most during the pandemic. Maybe it’s odd to miss a solitary experience in a year so full of loneliness and isolation… but a solo date isn’t quite a solitary experience, because mine always take place at locations other people also frequent, like bars, bookstores, and movie theatres. I wrote “15 Ways to Take Yourself on a Date During COVID Times” both for myself and for my readers, because I had been sorely missing the introvert-recharging powers of solo dates for those months of quarantine. Sadly, this post is still relevant 5 months later… although most of my suggestions require more outerwear now than they did then!

“How to Write 1,000 Blog Posts” was me reflecting on the ridiculous archive of writing I’ve built up here and trying to offer some advice on long-term blogging – including on idea generation, motivation, compensation, and transformation. Wonder how many more posts I’ll end up writing!

Finally, of course, I would be remiss not to include “I’m Engaged!!! Here’s the Story…” in this list! I’m so glad I chronicled this really important evening so soon after it happened, so I can remember it forever. mb’s proposal still makes me sigh happily whenever I think about it.

 

I’ll end with a little mini-list within this bigger list… Here are my 11 favorite essays I wrote this year in my weekly newsletter, Sub Missives, which you are welcome to subscribe to if you want a more personal and intimate view into my brain:

 

What blog posts did you really love this year? (Not necessarily from my blog, of course!) What do you think I should write in 2021?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2020: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

It definitely feels weird to be doing my traditional year-end blog post series when it’s been such an utter shitshow of a year. I gotta admit, several times this year I considered just scrapping it, because the perceived frivolity of things like lipsticks, dildos, and sexy slowjams is enough sometimes to make ’em feel like futile topics to write about.

But here’s the thing: they’re not. I know that because, during the entire coronavirus debacle, between Zoom calls and doomscrolling sessions, we’ve turned to those supposedly “frivolous” things to give us comfort and joy, in an era where comfort and joy have been scarce. I’ve heard from countless readers this year telling me that my recommendations of movies, music, makeup, and sex toys have helped them in some way, so I figure I’ll write my yearly wrap-up as usual, though the year itself was not usual at all. We can use all the comfort and continuity we can get right now.

So, today I’m kicking off 12 Days of Girly Juice, with – as always – 12 fashion and beauty items that lit up my heart this year.

 

Shorter hair

I didn’t get to write about this last year because it actually happened a couple weeks after my post, so here it is: I’ve had short(er) hair for nearly a year and I love it! After a decade+ of having hair that ranged from mid-chest-length to hip-length, I cut mine to chin-length.

My bedhead is much more chaotic now than it was before, and I have fewer options available to me in terms of hairstyling, but overall I adore this length and probably won’t grow it out for a long while. It makes me feel much more “queer-looking” and much less invisible, and it’s fun to scrunch. Yay!

 

Blue satin Louboutins

It felt like fate when, late last year, while combing online vintage shops for something appropriate to wear to Tara‘s un-wedding, I stumbled across a pair of Louboutin Greissimo pumps in my favorite color and my exact size. My jaw dropped. They were too expensive for the likes of me, but were nonetheless on sale and very reasonably priced for Loubs, so my generous partner bought them for me as my “congrats on finishing your book!” present. I wore them to the un-wedding, needing to take sit-down breaks occasionally during the 4-5 hours we spent hobnobbing and drinking and flirting. They made me feel powerful and high-femme in all the best ways.

I’ve only worn them a handful of times since then, mostly at home for impromptu dress-up days and Zoom parties during quarantine, because they’re far too unwieldy and delicate for most outdoor adventures. But they’ve been displayed on my desk all year, and every time I look at them, I’m reminded that beautiful things can do wonders for my mood.

 

Tom Ford Cherry Lush lipstick

When my partner mb and I exchanged anniversary gifts late last year, I opened one of mine and started laughing hysterically. It was this lipstick – and, as mb discovered when they opened their next present, I had bought them the exact same one, in the exact same shade! We’d discussed our fondness for the luxe Tom Ford lipstick aesthetic at some point, but had never come to a conclusion about which color we preferred, so this was particularly unexpected.

Cherry Lush was probably my most-worn lipstick this year (possibly tied with Sugarpill’s Girl Crush, which I wrote about last year), because it’s absolutely gorgeous. A pink-leaning red that lives up to its name, it seems to work with just about any outfit and any makeup look. Plus it makes me and mb so happy to wear matching lipstick when we go on dates!

 

Fabric face masks

No fashion accessory (if one can even call it that) defined 2020 so much as the face mask. It became a political battleground, an ethical statement, and a medical must-have. It also became one of the most noticeable fashion choices many of us would make each time we’d go out. You could’ve gone all 2020 without anyone outside your household seeing your choice of lipstick, or the pattern on your socks – but your rotation of masks was, very likely, a crucial part of your aesthetic for most of the year, whether you liked it or not.

I got most of mine from Etsy, including many from shops that are no longer in operation, probably because they got inundated with too many orders to handle. One of my favorite masks of the year was a white sequinned one from AvaReignCreations, which I bought to wear to my (outdoor, socially distanced) wedding. It felt like a nice bridge between the femme fanciness I’d been missing and chasing all year, and the grim reality of our current world. (Would love to hear about your favorite mask-makers in the comments if you’ve got recs, especially for smaller faces!)

 

My engagement and wedding rings

I mean, obviously! These are literally some of the most beautiful items I have ever owned, in any category. I’m so happy I get to wear them every day.

mb wrote an extensive essay for me about the process of shopping for, and buying, my engagement ring. Unlike some brides, I didn’t really want to be involved in choosing the ring, beyond providing a few specifications – like that I wanted the stone to be aquamarine, and I didn’t want yellow gold. They looked at over 350 aquamarine rings both online and in person, and eventually decided the final selection had to be platinum, with a round stone surrounded by ethically-sourced diamonds. They ended up landing on a Tiffany & Co. sparkler that made me literally gasp when I first saw it.

I got to choose my own wedding ring, and after some deliberation, we decided to go back to Tiffany’s. I tried on several, and the one I ended up settling on is a platinum band with a diamond-studded, V-shaped indentation made to fit perfectly against my engagement ring. I am obsessed!

 

Agent Provocateur lingerie

Experimenting with financial domination was a really fun part of my sex/kink life this year. mb bought me a couple different sets of luxury lingerie – one hot pink, one royal blue – each as part of a findom scene.

I feel immediately foxy whenever I wear any of these pieces. The bras create legendarily good cleavage – I even wore one of them under my wedding dress, because it makes me feel so beautiful and hot. The craftsmanship on AP stuff is truly wonderful!

 

J. Crew cashmere sweaters

A lot of J. Crew’s catalogue consists of perfect classics, and their “long-sleeve everyday cashmere crewneck sweater” is no exception. However, not all of the colors it comes in could strictly be considered “classic”!

At my behest as part of a financial domination scene (I’m sensing a theme…), mb bought me one in “lustrous blue,” and later bought me another one in “neon fuchsia.” Words cannot describe how vividly-hued these sweaters are; in fact, even photos cannot truly capture the brightness. They are what Gala Darling would call “eye-gouging.” They are also supremely warm, divinely comfy, and ultra-versatile. I’m sure I’ll be wearing them all winter, and hopefully for several more winters to come.

 

Vintage silk floral-print robe

I fell immediately in love with this pink rose-print 100% silk robe/kimono when I saw it on the Etsy shop FlyGirlOutlet. I had been thinking a lot about cultivating glamour during quarantine – a difficult thing to do, to say the least – and had come to the conclusion that an elegant silk dressing gown would help enormously with that.

I wore this robe around the house a lot all year, and also, most memorably, over the aforementioned AP lingerie for a surreptitious stairwell photoshoot!

 

Coach Rambler bag

I bought a few different bags this year, but one of my faves has to be the Coach Rambler crossbody in a beautiful pinky-purple shade called “hibiscus.” I love this bag’s simple, 1960s-inspired silhouette, comfortably wide strap, and surprisingly roomy interior.

It’s certainly not an ideal bag for a maximalist, but during COVID I’ve mostly just been carrying around my wallet, phone, and maybe a book when I go out (as opposed to pre-pandemic when it mattered enormously to me that my handbags be able to fit a laptop or at least an iPad), so the Rambler has served me well this year!

 

Red heart-shaped glasses

Few things transform your appearance as swiftly as a new pair of glasses. When I saw that Zenni makes a red heart-shaped pair, I just couldn’t resist pursuing my dreams of looking like a grown-up, glamorous Lolita.

These specs get compliments everywhere I go, and make every outfit look a little quirkier and kookier. I adore them!

 

Sparkly black Ugg boots

Midway through this year I bought a pair of black sequinned Ugg boots, after suppressing the urge to buy Uggs for probably a decade. I only wear them indoors (which, apparently, is a must), and they keep my chilly feet incredibly cozy 24/7.

I think the moral of the story here is: fuck the fashion police. (And also the regular police, but I don’t think they care as much about Uggs.) If there’s an item of clothing you love – or think you would love – that would make your favorite fashion blogger or magazine editor shudder, who gives a fuck? They’re not the ones who are gonna be wearing it. You know yourself best – and your style is your choice.

 

False eyelashes

Yep, still enamored. With the bottom half of my face being out of view for so much of this year due to masks, I turned to bold eye looks… and lashes remain one of my go-to glamorizers on glum days.

I use Lilly Lashes glue, although most beauty experts swear by Duo, which I also own but haven’t tried yet. Sugarpill’s Saint lashes are the ones I wore on my wedding day – I love that they’re a mix of black and dark brown, because it makes them look (somewhat) more natural. These Sephora “Flirty” ones are also gorgeous. Don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here batting my eyes at cute people forever!

 

What fashion and beauty items helped get you through the year?

Our Wedding Outfits!

Kate Sloan
All of the beautiful photos in this post were taken by the supremely talented Ashe of Rose Glass Photography, who I would 100% recommend!

Supposedly every little girl grows up dreaming of her perfect wedding, and specifically, her perfect wedding dress. I haven’t found this to be very true in my friend groups, perhaps since so many people I know are queer and/or trans (and thus not prone to heteropatriarchally-rooted fantasies) or just don’t really care about weddings all that much. Personally, as a chronic romantic fantasizer, I was usually more moony-eyed about the idea of my perfect future spouse than I was about the dress I would wear. But I do have a wedding Pinterest board dating back years and years, so I guess at some point I hopped onboard the “dreamily musing about what I’ll wear to walk down the aisle” train.

The COVID-era wedding mb and I threw together was initially so informal that I wasn’t even sure if I needed a specific outfit for it. I figured it would happen at a courthouse and would be more about signing documents and waiting in line than doing a full face of makeup and throwing a bouquet. One of the first nights we started planning it on the phone, I semi-joked, “I guess I probably have to buy a white dress, huh?” and mb said, “Yeah! You should!”

Over the next couple of months, we cobbled together our outfits from various sources. We really like to match each other when we go out on dates, so we already had practice syncing up our color palettes. What resulted is a pair of outfits centered around white and blue, with little pops of red and pink here and there. Read on for all the juicy outfit details!

My outfit

The dress: I’ve always wanted a 1950s-style, knee-length wedding dress with a full tulle skirt, but to get it exactly right would require tailoring and a bunch of money, both things that are kind of tricky during a global pandemic. So I set aside that desire for the time being, figuring I could always splurge on my dream dress for the bigger wedding-y event we plan on having post-pandemic so all our friends and family can come party with us. I started looking at more practical and affordable options.

After scouring various online stores for a few days, I eventually settled on this ’50s-inspired A-line dress by Grace Karin. It’s a really classic fit-and-flare silhouette, the kind of thing I wear all the time, but getting it in white was special. I made sure to read a bunch of reviews before pulling the trigger, to make sure buyers thought it was well-constructed and not see-through (a common problem for white dresses), and the reviews were excellent, including some from people whose body shape and size were similar to mine. (I’m generally a size 10-12 and I bought this dress in a size L, if you’re wondering.)

When the dress arrived, I tried it on, and it fit perfectly and looked exactly how I’d hoped it would. I’ve always loved the 1950s aesthetic and was so glad I’d found such a lovely manifestation of it for my “big day”! It was also fortuitous that I only needed to spend $35 on it (!!), because our wedding was in a kinda muddy park and the waitress at our post-ceremony dinner accidentally squirted hand sanitizer on the front of my dress. I think she was pretty horrified, but I just laughed and said, “It’s totally okay, it only cost me $35!!”

The crinoline: While I used to rock crinolines as skirts in high school, I’m not sure I had ever really worn one the way they’re supposed to be worn – under an A-line dress to help it look fuller and more flouncy. But this dress really called for it, and your wedding is one of the days when you get to be unapologetically fancy if you want to, so I decided to go for it.

I got a pale blue one from the same brand, Grace Karin, for $26. Since this type of item is literally created to be voluminous, packing it in a suitcase was a challenge, but I figured it out eventually. I folded it up as small as it would get, stuffed it into a Ziploc bag, and stuffed that inside one of the packing cubes I had recently bought for just such an occasion. I had set aside one entire cube just for wedding clothes, so as to keep them separate from my regular clothes so I wouldn’t accidentally let mb see them before the day itself.

The shoes: I had bought these pale blue Manolo Blahnik peeptoe sandals almost a year before, and the more that I looked at them, the more I thought they’d be the perfect wedding shoe. My dream pair prior to that had always been Melissa x Vivienne Westwood slingback heels with a red heart detail, but they’re discontinued so they get pretty pricey on eBay. I still think I might hunt down a pair at some point in the future.

The Manolos were a bit impractical, given that the temperature was starting to drop by the time our November wedding rolled around and the event itself took place in a park, where my heels kept sinking into the ground as I walked or stood – but I engaged some muscles I didn’t even know I had, and made it work! However, I did also have mb stash my beloved Frye harness boots in their bag for me to change into after the ceremony. They looked surprisingly cute with the dress too!

The sash: The more I looked at my dress, the more I felt it should have some kind of belt. What can I say – I love a cinched waist! I considered getting this pale blue vintage leather Moschino belt, but it bugged me that it had gold hardware when all the other metallic tones in the outfit were silver. After a while, I opted instead to buy a 9-foot-by-2-inch length of pale blue satin ribbon to tie into a sash.

On the actual day, I looked up some YouTube tutorials on how to tie a wedding sash, but ultimately I abandoned them and just tied a regular bow, adjusting it until it looked right. I think it came out decently cute for a first try! (Should’ve practiced in advance, yes. Definitely.)

The cardigan: Due to the aforementioned dropping temperatures, I began to consider the possibility that I’d be too cold in just my wedding dress to truly enjoy myself at the event. This became even more of an issue once we settled on having a post-ceremony dinner on the patio of a nearby Italian restaurant, because (reasonably so) we and most of our guests weren’t too comfy with indoor dining, given the, y’know, public health crisis.

Just six days before the wedding, I ordered (secondhand through TheRealReal) this Tiffany-blue cashmere cardigan by Autumn Cashmere. I wanted something kind of dainty and feminine, but still warm enough to keep me cozy, and this fit the bill. I took it off for the actual ceremony, but wore it the rest of the time. I’ve worn it a bunch more times since then, too!

The bag: I didn’t strictly need a bag, and could have kept any personal items in mb’s backpack (which they had to bring because it contained the marriage certificate, ceremony script, etc.), but hey, I’m a femme and I love bags. So I started looking around for one that would fit the vibe and color scheme of the event.

I’ve loved Rebecca Minkoff’s designs for years but had never owned anything from her, so I was excited when I saw this pale blue saffiano leather clutch of hers on TheRealReal. I love that it’s made to look like an envelope; it reminds me of love letters! The silver zipper-tooth edging also gives it a bit of toughness to balance out the delicate femininity of the color. I think all that was inside my bag during the wedding was my phone, my vows written out on notecards, some makeup items for touch-ups, and a bunch of Kleenex in case of crying!

The lingerie: I bought a set of white lacy lingerie from Avidlove for $20. The panties are high-waisted (very 1950s) and have a corset-esque lace-up panel in the back, which is why putting on my underwear was actually the part of getting dressed for my wedding that took the longest!

I ended up swapping out the bra for a blue one from Agent Provocateur. It felt more glamorous, gave me way better cleavage (look, we all have our own priorities!), matched my collar almost exactly, and had a connection to our romance because it’s part of a set mb bought me as a financial domination task. I was worried it might show through the dress, because it’s a vivid royal blue, but the fabric was opaque enough that it didn’t turn out to be an issue.

The earrings: I wanted something pretty but very basic and not-cumbersome, since I don’t wear earrings all that often. The ones I went with are aquamarine-colored Swarovski crystals on a sterling silver backing, from an Etsy shop called UniqueGlassTreasures. Maybe one day I’ll get some real aquamarine ones…

The nails: My fingernails were painted with Revlon’s “To the Chapel” topped with Essie’s “Set in Stones.” The night before the wedding, mb painted my toenails with Essie’s “Lacquered Up” while we watched TV. (Perks of having a foot fetishist spouse!)

The masks: Since we knew we’d have to wear masks for at least part of the day, we decided we should get fancy ones. I found these sequinned masks from AvaReignCreations on Etsy and totally fell in love. I got one for me in white and one for mb in navy. Mine needed a little resizing, since I have a small-ish face, but fortunately all I had to do was tie a tiny knot at the end of each ear loop and it fit much better.

The makeup: Two of my fave beauty YouTubers, Jaclyn Hill and Lisa Eldridge, both have bridal makeup tutorials that I took a lot of cues from. For my eyes, I used a lot of different beige, brown, black, and nude shades from the LORAC Pro palette and the Morphe x Jaclyn Hill palette. (The latter has a shade called “S.B.N.” which stands for “smoky but natural,” because Jaclyn says when she was a professional makeup artist for hire, every bride seemed to ask for a look that was “smoky but natural”!) I did my usual black winged liner with MAC Liquidlast (the only thing I’ve tried that can truly stand up to my crying), and finished off the look with Sugarpill Saint false lashes.

I wore a Revlon foundation over a Bite Beauty primer. It was hard shopping for foundation during a pandemic – normally a makeup pro would test a bunch of different shades on your skin, but I didn’t feel comfy with that for hygienic reasons (and I’m not even sure if they’re still allowed to do that), so instead I just brought along my MAC concealer and matched it to a foundation at the drugstore, and it seems to have worked out fine. On top of those, I put some Laura Mercier translucent setting powder (holy grail for mattifying combo/oily skin!), Tarte blush in “Natural Beauty,” and Becca highlight in “Moonstone.” I contoured with NYX blush in “Taupe,” and set the whole thing with an ELF matte setting spray.

For my lips, first I filled them in with a red lip liner from the drugstore, and then I went over that with Tom Ford’s “Cherry Lush.” mb and I both own and love this lipstick, and decided we both wanted to wear it to our wedding!

mb’s outfit

The suit: This gorgeous navy suit is from Suitsupply. They wore it on our second date too, and I remember thinking, as we met up outside a Manhattan coffee shop, that I had never seen somebody look so handsome before! It’s made of wool and is really well-tailored, and it brings out the color of mb’s eyes beautifully.

The shirt: One of the things I love about mb is that they have an appreciation for fancy things, even when the fanciness won’t be noticeable to most people. This white Brooks Brothers dress shirt is exactly that sort of item. It has a really subtle herringbone pattern that’s only visible from up close, and adds a touch of luxury and style to what would otherwise be a pretty basic item.

The shoes: I love these shoes. mb was wearing them on our first date and I commented on how shiny they were; little did I know, they were one of mb’s favorite pairs, and one that they reach for when they want to feel fancy. They’re the Park Avenue oxfords by Allen Edmonds in the shade “Walnut.” Sometimes I wish I could pull off an oxford… Maybe someday!

The tie: mb assigned me a task, a couple months before the wedding, to research some accessories they could wear for their outfit (ties, socks, pocket squares, etc.) and write a little bit about why each one would be a good pick. I had a few ties on my list (any other non-tie-wearing people weirdly love shopping for ties for loved ones?!), but one of my faves was this Liberty tie featuring white flowers on a pale blue background. I love that it’s an unconventional and somewhat androgynous choice, perfect for my offbeat nonbinary sweetheart.

The pocket square: Might be my favorite detail of the outfit! I was trawling TheRealReal and I stumbled across a secondhand silk Tiffany’s pocket square emblazoned with a blue and white map of Manhattan. It seemed like a perfect pick for my love, a long-time New Yorker and (as discussed) a big fan of subtly fancy details. Weirdly, I suggested this for mb fully a month before I even knew my engagement ring was also going to be from Tiffany’s!

The socks: I picked out these navy and pink polka-dotted dress socks for mb from the Tie Bar. They’re so much fun, and I love the way they subtly allude to the trans pride colors.

The pin: Speaking of trans pride… This sweet little trans heart enamel pin is from RisingVioletPress on Etsy.

The makeup: mb kept it really simple – just some Glossier Boy Brow on their brows, and Tom Ford lip liner in “Charge” under Tom Ford lipstick in “Cherry Lush.”

Whew! That was a lot of outfit details. If you feel like leaving a comment, I would love to know what your favorite parts of your wedding outfit were, or what items you’d like to wear to your wedding if you ever have one!