What is the Funzze Super Powerful Massager?
I’ve reviewed a bunch of Funzze toys before, and this time around, they wanted to send me their full-size wand vibrator, the Super Powerful Massager.
It’s comparable in size and shape to the Magic Wand and other similar toys. It’s rechargeable (you get about 60 minutes of usage from a 2- to 3-hour charge) and is made of ABS plastic and silicone.
Things I like about the Funzze Super Powerful Massager:
- Strong & rumbly-ish: This toy serves up respectably strong vibrations, and stays fairly rumbly throughout all of its settings (especially the lower speeds), so I don’t experience much numbness/desensitization from using it, and can get off from it easily and consistently. I never worry that it’ll struggle to get the job done. As with many wands, the brute-force nature of this vibe allows it to work well for “forced orgasm” play; I once used it on my wife while she was very turned on from having just gone down on me, and she came in under 30 seconds from the sheer overwhelming intensity.
- 8 speeds & 20 patterns: Most wand vibes don’t have this many settings! Unfortunately, the speeds are all pretty samey and are in the wrong order (more on that later), and the vibration patterns are too inconsistent and spaced-out for my taste (as is usually the case with patterns), but I’m still glad there are so many different settings, and that the patterns are hidden behind their own button so that enjoyers of steady vibration won’t accidentally trigger them.
- Lightweight: This wand weighs just 332 grams, or about 0.75 lbs. That’s significantly lighter than many other wands, both full-size and mini, such as the Magic Wand (2.25 lbs), Magic Wand Mini (1.25 lbs), Lovense Domi (1.5 lbs), We-Vibe Wand 2 (1.5 lbs), Le Wand (2.25 lbs) and Doxy Die Cast (3.29 lbs). As someone with a disability that sometimes messes with hand/arm strength, I appreciate that this wand serves up a lot of power without being heavy or hard to hold.
- Slightly bendy neck: I like when wand necks bend a little but not too much; this enables you to apply pressure during use when you want to, without compromising on comfort.
- Inexpensive: This wand costs $32! It’s genuinely impressive how much power this thing has, for that price. It’s a hell of a lot more affordable than some of the fancier wands mentioned above, which can run you upwards of $100 (though naturally they are higher-quality and easier to use than this one).
Things I don’t like about the Funzze Super Powerful Massager:
- Speeds are in the wrong order: Incomprehensibly, this wand starts at its highest speed when you first turn it on, and becomes gradually less strong the more times you press the “change speed” button. I have never understood why (some) companies do this, given that surely the vast majority of users prefer to start on the lowest setting and work their way up as they become more aroused.
- Very loud: It’s hilariously misleading that Funzze’s website describes this toy as “quiet.” This wand is so loud that I was embarrassed to use it with my wife, even though she’s tested countless sex toys with me over the years. It’s so loud that a friend exclaimed “WHOA!” when I turned it on while we were on the phone. It’s so loud that I worry my neighbors can tell exactly when I’m using it. Not exactly sexy, if you ask me.
- Handle vibrates: This toy’s strong vibrations conduct into its handle pretty significantly, which can make the toy uncomfortable to hold after a while. My wife and I both shouted in alarm the first time we each turned this vibe on, due to both its volume level and the degree to which its handle vibrates.
- Not waterproof: Not that I would typically expect it for a wand of this size and intensity, but this one is only IPX6 water-resistant. You can use it in the shower or wash it in the sink, but shouldn’t submerge it in water.
Final thoughts
After using the Funzze Super Powerful Massager on my wife in the aforementioned forced-orgasm scene, I told her that it only costs $32, and she remarked, “I’d pay $32 just for that one orgasm!” This really is a very intense vibrator for its price point – so if you’re looking for sheer power on a budget, drawbacks be damned, then I think this would be a perfectly reasonable choice.
That being said, I’d find it difficult to use this wand on a regular basis, due to how it starts at its highest speed and decreases from there; that’s entirely counter to how I tend to use vibrators. It’s also far too loud to make it into my regular rotation.
But if you just need power on the cheap? Look no further, baby!
This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.