anal sex

Are You Shitting Properly?

Kate Sloan

I will warn you right now that this post is only minimally related to sex. For some of you, your butt is integral to your sex life; for others of you, the two barely register as connected. So this post is, as you might expect, for people of the former category.

I was recently made aware that I’ve been shitting wrong. I watched a video on the Squatty Potty, a stool (like, the furniture type of stool – not the fecal type!) that helps you align your body correctly for optimal elimination. The video, as it turns out, isn’t just marketing mumbo-jumbo – it’s actually based in fact. The human body is not designed to shit in an upright sitting position; we’re meant to shit while squatting.

The design of modern Western toilets was purportedly slapped together by dudes who had no knowledge of physiology, which explains why this design just doesn’t gel with our bodies’ natural inclinations. Our poorly-designed toilets make pooping a challenge for us, which can lead to problems like anal fissures and bowel cancer.

So how do you rectify (ha – rectum, rectify) this issue? Apparently one of the easiest and best ways to shit better (other than switching to a hole in the ground for your defecatory needs) is to put some kind of stool or box in front of your toilet, so that when you sit down, your feet are just a little bit below ass level. This allows you to simulate the squatting position, so your inner workings are properly supported and your shit comes out more easily and cleanly.

I’ve tried this a few times – you know, for science – and it really works. I’ve never particularly been a “problem shitter,” but it definitely feels a lot easier and, yeah, more natural when I prop up my feet with something 8-10 inches tall.

And we all know that shitting well is a great thing, if just because it allows you to use awesome butt toys more often.

Sexual Goals for 2013

Kate Sloan

I’m a big list-maker. I make lists year-round, but especially when a new year is starting. And because my life and work are sex-centric, many of my goals end up being sex-related too. Here are some of the sexy things I hope to accomplish in 2013.

1. Get fucked in the ass with a strap-on.
Though I am interested in having anal sex eventually, it’s not something I think I’ll be emotionally and physically prepared for this year, at least not with my current partner’s average-sized penis. But I do want to explore anal play with him, so I came up with this compromise: he can wear my harness and fuck me with the teensy Tantus Acute. It’ll be much less intimidating than “real” anal sex, on multiple levels, and it’ll allow us both to figure out whether we’re ready to actually take that next step.

2. Enjoy G-spot play more often.
The sensations that emanate from my G-spot are almost scarily intense. They evoke all sorts of frightening thoughts and feelings, from the profound (“Will this open a door in my sex life that I will never be able to close again?”) to the trivial (“Am I going to pee the bed?”). For this reason, I tend to shy away from playing with my G-spot as much as I should, even though it feels awesome. In 2013, I want to step up my sexual exploration and take additional steps toward figuring out my G-spot.

3. Be photographed nude by my partner.
A girl I know has started up a magazine of feminist erotica, filled with hot images and words. I want to take some photos to submit to her, even if they get rejected for being too amateurish (hey, I’m no model). I want my partner to look at my naked body through a camera and take some shots of me playing with toys. This shit will be hot on so many levels.

4. Incorporate more spanking into our sexytimes.
My boyfriend used to spank me on a semi-regular basis, both as foreplay and as an accent to doggie-style sex. We’ve let it dwindle lately, which is silly, especially since I have an awesome paddle. More ass bruises, please!

5. Kiss somebody cute at #CrushTO.
I am an introvert. If I want to kiss someone, I have to put it on a list where I can check it off when it’s done, or it just won’t happen; I won’t have the motivation. So, here it is. I hope 2013 brings another giant game of tipsy Truth or Dare in a dark bar where everyone is sex-positive and in costume, and I hope for sweaty chemistry with some random stranger for a minute or two. Yesss.

What sexual things are you going to do in 2013?

Make Love, Not Porn

Kate Sloan

I received a beta invitation to MakeLoveNotPorn.TV under false pretences. I’m sorry, Cindy! I promised I would submit a video of myself jerking off with various toys if I got fast-tracked up the invitation list, but as it turns out, the website isn’t equipped yet to receive submissions from countries outside of the U.S. (and I live in Canada). Such a bummer! Oh well. Someday…

For those of you who don’t know, MakeLoveNotPorn.TV is an awesome not-yet-totally-launched website created by advertising guru and sex education enthusiast Cindy Gallop. It’s the logical next step after she launched MakeLoveNotPorn.com a few years back.

Just to be clear: the websites and their creators are not anti-porn. They are “pro-sex, pro-porn and pro-knowing the difference.” Their message is simple and yet huge: people shouldn’t learn how to have sex from watching hardcore pornography. Maybe that sounds obvious to you, but you’d be surprised how many people have no other way of learning about sex, since we live in a culture where sex ed is condemned and porn is fucking everywhere.

MakeLoveNotPorn.TV is sort of like Facebook meets YouTube, except it’s sex-focused. Cindy Gallop says she wants to make sex as socially acceptable and socially shareable as all those other relationship milestones we write about on our social media outlets. You know your friend who just posted all her wedding photos on Facebook? Well, what if she could share her sex life in the same way she shares her romantic life?

Contributors are encouraged to film themselves having “real-world sex”: organic, authentic, potentially even goofy. Unlike porn, the stars of the clips don’t “perform for the camera,” but instead, they focus on their partner(s) and the sex they’re having, just like they would if there was no camera in sight.

Each contribution must be accompanied by a $5 curation fee. This helps to cover the costs of running the site. If your video is accepted, it’s then published in the new edition that comes out every Wednesday, and people can “rent” it for $5. When they rent it, they can watch it as many times as they want for the next three weeks. Of the $5 they paid to rent your video, $2.50 goes to you, the contributor, and the other $2.50 goes to the website.

You might think that doesn’t sound very lucrative, and you’re right, it isn’t. But it’s fair, it’s better than nothing, and it’s part of a super fun and exciting social network. You can make friends, consensually spy on real people’s sex lives, chat about sex, and be as anonymous or upfront as you want.

And, as it turns out, you can also watch Danny Wylde have real-world sex.

I’ll be honest: this is mainly what enticed me about MLNP. The promotional materials declared that porn star Danny Wylde (who happens to be my favorite male porn performer, because he’s hot, eats pussy like a champ, and has an intact dick) had submitted a video of himself and his real-life girlfriend Lily LaBeau (also a porn star) gettin’ it on. Not in a performative, porn-set situation, but as if they were just doing it for themselves.

It is a tasty clip. Lily reveals in the behind-the-scenes footage that her vag often gets sore from how many porn scenes she shoots, so her real-world sex with Danny in this video is all about her ass. I’m not usually the hugest fan of anal sex in porn, but this clip sold me on it. Plus, Danny rims Lily. Uh, more dudes need to rim ladies in porn, because it’s hot.

My rental of the Danny/Lily clip is going to run out soon-ish, and after that, I’ll look for something else. Maybe some amateur pussy-eating. Whatever I end up choosing, I’m very damn appreciative that something like MakeLoveNotPorn.TV exists, because erotic performers need more fair compensation and everyday sex needs more recognition. Can I get an amen?!

Ask Girly Juice: Dos and Don’ts of Lube

Kate Sloan

I volunteer regularly at a sex and relationships hotline. Many of the questions we get are repeats; a lot of people same to have the same worries and inquiries. One thing I’ve been asked on multiple occasions is, “Is it okay to use [insert substance here] as lube?” Since it’s perplexing that so many people don’t know what are and are not suitable lubricant choices, I decided to compile my knowledge on the subject here.

Lube and vaginas:

If you’re planning on having vaginal sex, avoid lubes which contain sugar and/or glycerin. These ingredients can cause nasty yeast infections because of the way they interact with the naturally occurring bacteria in a vagina. You can use flavored lube while going down on your lady, as long as you make sure that it’s free of sugar and glycerin.

This also means that you shouldn’t use chocolate, peanut butter, or any other sweet food or drink in your sexytimes if a vagina will be involved. I know it sounds sexy to dribble chocolate sauce all over your lover’s vulva and lick it off, but she won’t think it’s so sexy when she wakes up a couple days later with a raging case of the yeastie beasties.

It’s also not a great idea to use non-natural oils as lube for vaginal sex, because that kind of oil can trap bacteria in the vagina and cause infections as well. Lightweight, natural oils like coconut and grapeseed are fine, but stay away from heavier options like mineral oil/petroleum jelly. Many silicone-based lubes feel and behave like oil, so they might be a better option if you like that oily consistency.

Lube and condoms:

Condoms cannot be used with oil-based lubes (petroleum jelly, coconut oil, what have you) because oil causes the latex to disintegrate. It can be fun to watch this happen, but you know what’s not fun? Realizing that you might have been exposed to an STI or sperm because the condom dissolved.

Lube and anuses:

Many people prefer to choose a thicker, longer-lasting lube for their anal sex needs, because anuses don’t self-lubricate and so you’ll want something that can last the entire length of the sex act.

Make sure never to use “numbing” products that claim to make anal sex easier, because if you (or your partner) can’t feel the pain, you won’t know if and when you’re seriously injuring yourself.

Lube and toys:

If you’re not sure what material your sex toys are made of, now would be a good time to check. Some silicone toys are incompatible with some silicone-based lubes – the toy may become permanently sticky or tacky in the place where the lube touched it. If you’re not sure, do a spot test on the base of the toy and wait a few minutes to see if anything disastrous happens. In any case, water-based lube is probably a better choice for you if you use silicone toys a lot.

If a toy is made of glass, stainless steel, wood, or plastic, however, then have no fear – just about any kind of lube should work on these toy materials. But again, if ever in doubt, do a spot test.

My lube recommendations:

Water-based: Blossom Organics, a Canadian-made, female-oriented, aloe-heavy lube that’s very soothing and has a realistic texture.

Silicone-based: Pjur Bodyglide, a sexy, smooth lube that is my go-to choice for handjobs especially.

Oil-based: unrefined coconut oil, available at your local health food store. Can conveniently double as a moisturizer, hair conditioner, even deodorant.

If you have a sex-related question for me, please don’t hesitate to ask!