BDSM

Review: Device Bondage Fleshlight Gas Mask

Kate Sloan
Gas mask, sans Fleshlight

One thing I’ve always loved about kinksters is our ingenuity. We have the wonderful superpower of being able to see the potential hotness in just about anything – and we can be wildly creative in seeking to fulfill our fantasies.

One such example is the Fleshlight gas mask. Let’s talk about it!

Clear-lens version (left) and blacked-out lens version (right), plus Fleshlight before being trimmed to size (below)

What is the Fleshlight gas mask?

Devised by the delightfully devious folks at Device Bondage, this product is an old-timey, military-style gas mask, which has been modified so that you can slip a Fleshlight Aviator insert (included) through the mouth.

When someone face-fucks you while you’re wearing this mask, your mouth is full of Fleshlight material and dick. Essentially, your mouth is operating as the hard casing normally found around a Fleshlight that keeps it tight and contained.

The company offers the gas mask with either clear lenses or blacked-out ones (see the above image for a comparison). Clear lenses are better for the voyeuristically inclined, and may also be a smart choice for beginners to breath play (or any of the other kinks mentioned below), as they’ll allow your partner to check in on you more easily mid-scene. Blacked-out lenses are better for those of us who enjoy dehumanization or sensory deprivation, although it’s worth noting that they aren’t fully opaque – just enough light comes through that I was able to navigate around my bedroom without tripping over all the furniture.

Included along with the gas mask itself was the following items:

  • A new-in-box Fleshlight Aviator stroker
  • A box-cutter/utility knife, which you’re supposed to use to manually trim the Fleshlight insert, since many users will not want 6+ inches of “SuperSkin™” in their mouth (more on this when I talk about my experience below)
  • A safety notice, explaining that this device “can pose a risk of restricting air supply” and smartly suggesting that doms and subs alike do a “trial run” prior to actually using the product, to make sure they know how to use it comfortably and safely (more safety tips below)
Included box-cutter/utility knife for trimming the Fleshlight insert

What kinds of kinksters might enjoy the Fleshlight gas mask?

Oh, where to even begin?! I’ll just go alphabetically – you might enjoy this product if you’re into any of the following kinks/fetishes:

  • Anonymous sex
  • Breath play & gagging
  • Cock worship
  • Consensual non-consent
  • Dominance & submission
  • Face-fucking
  • Fear play
  • Degradation & dehumanization
  • Medical play
  • Military clothing/paraphernalia
  • Rubber
  • Sensory deprivation
  • Spit/drooling

I happen to be into several of the kinks on this list, so although the company said I could pick any toy from their catalogue, I ended up settling on this one. I knew that using it would freak me out, but I was prepared for that eventuality, especially since I’ve had enjoyable experiences with fear play and other scary kinks before.

Some quick safety tips

First, you’re gonna want to remove the little grey circle of silicone that covers the air filter on the mask. This will enable you to breathe even while the Fleshlight is full o’ cock.

Definitely agree on a safe-signal beforehand with your partner whenever you use this product, because you won’t be able to speak while it’s in use. A good standard safe-signal is to tap twice on your partner’s thigh/arm/whatever, or to shake your head “no.” Make sure your partner knows they should stop immediately and check in on you whenever a safe-signal is used – or, alternatively, you may want to have one signal that means “stop immediately” and one that means “slow down/ease up/I need a break.”

Never leave someone unattended in this mask, incase they start to struggle to breathe for any reason. Likewise, the mask’s safety instructions recommend that you never restrain someone while they’re wearing this mask, presumably because then they won’t be able to easily use their safe-signal, remove the mask themselves, or physically push their partner away if they need to.

Finally, aftercare is always important in kink, but may be especially so when you’re playing with emotionally fraught kinks like consensual non-consent, fear play, and dehumanization. I tend to want cuddles and praise after engaging in these types of kinks, for instance. Before trying this toy, it’d be a good idea to get familiar with your partners’ aftercare needs, and your own, if you’re not already.

Things I like about this toy

  • Well, for one thing, it’s fucking hot! I’m not much for dehumanization kink in general, but I do love being (consensually) face-fucked, and feeling (consensually) “used” for someone else’s pleasure. Often while testing this toy, I felt reduced to being a blowjob machine, a mere hole to be enjoyed, which (in the context of my loving & respectful relationship with my partner) was hot as hell to me. It helped me tap into my submission very quickly, taking me down into a sweet, trancelike subspace. Yum.
  • My partner found it hot too, and said it was definitely pleasurable enough that she could’ve come from fucking my face that way (we didn’t test the mask “to completion” because the mask itself was scary enough to me and I low-key worried I’d choke to death on her cum). She described it as tighter than a regular BJ, though most of the tightness was focused around the base of her dick rather than the more sensitive head.
  • Because the trimmed Fleshlight is open at both ends, I get to lick my partner’s frenulum, taste her precum, etc. while she’s fucking the Fleshlight. This means I get to retain some of the intimate, closely connected feelings I get from giving a regular BJ, along with the more unusual (for me) ‘scary’ feelings of wearing a gas mask with blacked-out eyes.
  • Speaking of the blacked-out eyes, I ended up liking that version better than the clear-lens one, because I enjoy the sensory deprivation aspect of being blindfolded, and this is just a more extreme version of that. The dark lenses made me feel much more immersed in the scene and more mindful of the sensations I was feeling.
  • While face-fucking is one obvious way to use this product, the person wearing the mask can also take a more active role, bobbing their head up and down, as in a standard blowjob, to stimulate their partner’s dick with their mouth and the Fleshlight simultaneously. I like having this option when I want it!
  • Surprisingly enough, I think this product would be great for people who struggle with giving toothy blowjobs. Provided you haven’t trimmed the Fleshlight insert too short, it’ll cover your teeth, significantly cushioning the dick therein from any sharp edges. I really liked that my partner was able to fuck my face pretty rough and fast without either of us needing to worry about my teeth.
  • The straps on the mask make it very adjustable to fit different head sizes. I sometimes found it tricky to cram my head in there initially, but once the mask was on and the straps were tightened enough, the fit felt secure and comfortable, and I could breathe without issue.

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • Fundamentally I just don’t think I want to have Fleshlight material in my mouth, which this product pretty much requires. SuperSkin is a porous material, so – while it’s not toxic or anything – it can’t be fully cleaned between uses, as bacteria will always linger in the pores to some extent. I find this kinda gross and it would be a tough psychological hurdle for me to get over after a certain number of uses. (On that note: Make sure to wash and rinse the Fleshlight insert thoroughly before your first use; it tasted chemical-y to me straight out of the box.)
  • Both my partner and I found that our hair would often get caught in the metal parts of the mask straps, sometimes causing breakage or pain as we tried to disentangle it.
  • I didn’t love having to manually trim the Fleshlight insert down to size with the included super-sharp box-cutter, mainly because I am not a handy person and was terrified the whole time that I’d injure myself… but I do like that you can customize the Fleshlight to fit your mouth better in this way, since there is a lot of variation in mouth size between people.
  • I wasn’t really able to swallow very well while the mask was on (because my mouth was full of Fleshlight and dick) and so my drool kinda got everywhere, and sometimes made me feel a bit panicky and grossed out as it flowed back into my own mouth in large quantities. But I know that there are many spit fetishists who would find that sexy as hell, sooo…

Final thoughts

I’ve never tried anything like the Device Bondage Fleshlight gas mask before. It taps into a cavalcade of kinks, some of which I’m definitely into, and some of which I’m less into – but I’m really glad I own one, for those times when I want to feel dehumanized, “used,” and useful.

Some practical issues make it unlikely that this’ll become my go-to kink toy any time soon, but I appreciate any opportunity to suck my partner’s cock in new and interesting ways 😉 and just as with the blowjob mirror I reviewed back in 2017, this mask pushed my BJ fanaticism to its limits, and turned me on by scaring the shit out of me. Isn’t fear play fun?!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

3 Tips for Newbie Femdoms

Kate Sloan

I’m certainly no expert at domination, being a mostly-submissive switch – but I’ve done more domming in the last few years than I’d done in my entire life before that, and so I’ve gotten a lot better at it.

I think being a “femdom” – loosely defined here as a dominant who is female (cis or trans) and/or femme – involves some complexity that isn’t always there for male and masc doms. For one thing, male dominance paired with female submission is the most common heterosexual view of what a D/s dynamic should be (this effect was highlighted in a recent Natalie Wynn video, where she referred to it as “default heterosexual sadomasochism”). As a result, feminine dominants can be seen as disrupting the sexual status quo – because they are! – and may struggle with shame or other difficult feelings around that, whether those judgments are internalized and self-inflicted, or based moreso on feedback you’re getting from the outside world.

Femdom dating sites can help with this to some extent, but it’s hard to unlearn deeply ingrained societal narratives. For this reason and many others, exploring your dommy side as a woman or feminine-leaning person can be intimidating – but here are some tricks I’ve learned that help.

 

1. Create your own persona

Another hurdle facing femdoms is that there’s still not as much variety as one would hope in media depictions of feminine dominance. For a long time, I thought I couldn’t possibly be a femdom, because every professional dominatrix I knew was hyper-confident (at least externally), wielded a whip or paddle with panache, and looked dynamite in black leather. I didn’t feel like I fit the mold, and I only started feeling comfortable in my dominance once I cobbled together my own femdom persona from other sources.

When you picture yourself feeling powerful, hot, and in control, what are you wearing? How are you speaking to people? How do you walk and gesture and move? These are good starting points for building a persona, which will hopefully feel like accessing a new facet of yourself, rather than like playing a character (although it may take you some practice and time to get there).

 

2. Tap into what you really, really want

Despite having had sexual desires and fantasies for as long as I can remember, it can be hard for me to actually pursue those desires. As a submissive with people-pleaser tendencies, I’ll often default to asking what the other person wants, or I’ll just give them what I think they want. While this isn’t the most empowering or satisfying way to submit to someone (IMO), it can definitely be done, even for the course of an entire relationship, and an unattuned dom might not even notice you’re doing it.

On the flipside, when you’re in a dominant role, your desires are central (or at least, they’ll usually appear to be, within the narrative of the scene). It sucks to fall into the trap of asking each other over and over, “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” so it’s important to figure out what actually turns you on and makes you happy, and then get comfortable asking for that.

I’ll often ask my partner, before a scene, if I can take a minute to just think and feel. I’ll close my eyes and pay attention to the places in my body that are craving touch, or the fantasies that come up in my mind’s eye. Or I’ll think through some possibilities and see which one creates a visceral response in my body. (This is also incidentally how I decide what I want for dinner, lol!) The more that I practice this, the easier it gets.

I’d also recommend keeping a record of the fantasies that arise for you during masturbation, or any porn clips or erotica stories you stumble across that get you especially turned on. I always appreciate having this type of list to pull from, when I want to do a scene with my partner but am feeling uninspired.

 

3. Delegate

This one depends on your sub and what they’re into, but I’ve found it soooo helpful to delegate certain tasks to my partner which enable me to be a better domme, especially since I have energy limitations due to my fibromyalgia. These tasks include stuff like:

  • Putting together a curated list of porn clips for us to watch together before sex/a scene, so I don’t have to run the whole arousal-building process myself for both of us
  • Keeping an ongoing list, in a shared digital note, of their fantasies and wishes, etc. that I can pull from as needed
  • Handling certain household tasks for me (or making/sending me dinner), so I have more time/energy to plan scenes and build my own desire level
  • Self-monitoring their adherence to our protocols, using an app like Streaks, so that I can confirm that they’ve done the tasks I assigned them, without needing to proactively enforce all the rules myself

 

I think it’s really important, overall, to understand that dominance looks different for everyone, and so does submission. Each D/s dynamic is unique and should be customized to the individuals within it. You don’t have to hold yourself to unreasonable standards, and your partner(s) shouldn’t, either. Find your way of being dominant, little by little, through trial and error, and you’ll build up those muscles (figuratively and perhaps literally!).

Fellow femdoms of all stripes, what other tips do you wish you’d gotten when you started?

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

4 Mistakes People Make When Buying BDSM Toys

Kate Sloan

As you might have inferred from the many photos on this blog that feature collars, paddles, cuffs, and so on, I love BDSM accessories so much! They can brighten and broaden your sex life in all sorts of delightful ways.

As someone who often advises folks on upgrading their sex toy collections, I often see the same mistakes being made over and over again. Here are some classic pitfalls to avoid when shopping for new kink toys…

 

Assuming their partner is on board

I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I saw customers doing this when I worked at sex shops. They would come in, a wicked smile on their face, and ask for my help picking out a bondage kit, or an electrostimulation toy, or wax-play candles… and when I inquired further, they would reveal that they had not discussed this with their partner, but just thought it’d be fun to surprise them with something spicy.

While there certainly are people who would consent to being surprised in this way, the key word there is consent. You can’t know if your partner has any interest in [x kink] if you’ve never discussed it with them. Chat with your person/people before shopping for new sex toys you plan on using together, so you don’t make them feel pressured when you show up unannounced with a scary implement in your hands – or, even better, involve them in the shopping process directly, so you can make decisions that work for both/all of you.

 

Not knowing the difference between aesthetic novelties and toys made for rough use

There are a lot of BDSM toys out there, and not all are created equal. Some are made durably enough to withstand even intense scenes between kinksters who play hard, while some would be more suitable for scenes where you’re moreso pretending to be restrained, or spanked, or collared, or whatever – scenes where it’s the idea of the act that matters, not the act itself.

For example, I have several different collars; some are mostly for aesthetics, and would tear or warp if someone tugged on them or attached them to a leash, while some are thick and sturdy enough that I can be yanked around by them without damaging the collar. Pay attention to material, quality of construction, price, and whether the company making the toy specializes in kink gear; these can all be indicators of how it’ll hold up under duress.

 

Ignoring safety in favor of aesthetics

For instance, while many people fetishize the aesthetic of metal handcuffs, they are actually not considered safe for kink usage. (Or presumably for any other usage. ACAB, forever and ever, amen.) They dig into your wrists, especially if secured too tightly, and can cause bruising, cuts, and even permanent nerve damage. Leather bondage toys are much safer, as are fabric ones.

I have also seen such travesties as spanking paddles with sharp edges, butt plugs with an insufficiently flared base, and gags that would make it nearly impossible to breathe if one’s nose became congested mid-scene. Think about potential safety concerns before you make any purchase, and read articles on safety by BDSM experts if you’re not sure.

 

Eyes too big for your… whatever

I’ll be the first to admit that I have made this mistake: bought dildos and butt plugs too huge for me to possibly use comfortably, thrown cute but mega-stingy paddles into my cart even though I know I dislike stingy pain, eyed spreader bars despite the knowledge that my legs don’t even spread that wide. It’s a normal human impulse to want to push yourself outside your comfort zone sometimes, but be conscious of which boundaries can be bent and which are actually limits.

If you get a toy home and discover it doesn’t work for you, some shops will let you return or exchange it. If it’s a non-porous product, you may be able to sanitize it and gift it to a friend or partner who’ll be able to make better use of it.

 

What mistakes have you made while shopping for kink toys?

 

This post was sponsored by the folks at Tracy’s Dog, who have recently released some new kink toys! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

What Would Be in Your Dream Kink Dungeon?

Kate Sloan
Photo taken by Taylor J Mace at the Ritual Chamber

One of my favorite activities for stress relief – right alongside playing Pokémon games, listening to comedy podcasts, and (yes) masturbating – is perusing real estate listings.

I know this wouldn’t work for everyone, since housing and finances are, themselves, stressful areas of life for many of us. But if I’m able to fully divorce my realistic expectations for my own life from the properties I’m looking at, I can enjoy four-story floorplans and massive mansions to my heart’s content. Seriously, have you ever gone to Zillow, typed in the name of your city/town, sorted by “price: high to low,” and ogled the abodes therein? Sheer heaven for your eyes. (Not so much for your wallet, though.)

A treasured real estate-related fantasy of mine is to have enough rooms in my home that I could dedicate an entire room to kink. It would have blackout curtains, mood lighting, and a lot of jewel tones… but it would also have to have, of course, lots of kink equipment.

In this fantasy timeline, I would drop by the local BDSM store and basically fill my cart, and then some. I’d line the walls with elegant hooks and racks for all my various impact implements, giant dildos, and fetishwear. It would be a perverted smorgasboard.

Furniture-wise, of course I’d need a spanking bench. I like the kind that looks vaguely vintage, like it was hand-crafted out of wood and leather for disciplinary purposes. I’ve also always dreamed of having some furniture that would integrate well into my age-play fantasies, like a wide oak desk the likes of which you’d see in a principal’s office, or a row of metal lockers a bully could slam me against in a moment of lascivious aggression. A queening chair (i.e. a seat with an open hole in the middle where your partner can lay their head while you sit on their face) would also be a must-have for my dommier moments, and would likely be easier on my pain-wracked knees than normal kneeling.

There would also have to be a bed, because – as much as I’d like to be the kind of kinkster who can fuck standing up, or draped over a spanking bench, or bent over a desk, my body just aches too much most of the time for athletic shenanigans. I’d want to be able to flop onto a soft surface while recovering from subspace. Plus, one of my all-time favorite bondage toys is my set of under-the-bed restraints, and they need a bed to go under!

Although it would be hot and exciting to have a kink-specific space in my home, I think really one of the key reasons to have one is the way in which it could help me relax into a kink session. I could literally leave my stressors at the door (at least in theory), knowing as I entered that I was about to leave the “real world” and step into a space dedicated to pleasure and play. For a person who gets stressed out easily, that would be a massive improvement over trying to do kink in a space containing stress triggers like dirty laundry, unpaid bills, and a visibly inundated email inbox on a computer screen.

That said, while I might never have a home dungeon of my very own, I can at least try to bring some dungeon-esque vibes into my own room for the time being. I can turn off my computer, hide away my clutter, dim the lights, display some sexy toys, and put on some chillaxing music. It may not be Christian Grey-level glamorous, but it shows commitment to myself, my partner(s), and our shared pleasure – and that’s a commitment worth making, if you ask me.

 

How about you? What would you put in the dungeon (or other kink-focused space) of your dreams?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Useful Insights on Chronic Pain and BDSM

Kate Sloan

I’ve been living with chronic joint pain for about 4 years now – so, roughly as long as I’ve identified as kinky. I wonder often if there’s a correlation there…

Different doctors in different areas of medicine have variously diagnosed me with patellofemoral syndrome, gout, the ever-vague “depression-related pain,” and (newest and so far unconfirmed) fibromyalgia. Whatever my mysterious pain stems from, it seems to be here to stay, and I have to figure out how to live with it. That includes finding ways to keep it from hindering my sex life.

I’ve been doing lots of reading lately on the intersections of chronic pain and BDSM – most notably Raven Kaldera’s excellent anthology Kneeling in Spirit, which is about submissives with disabilities. Between that book, Ignixia’s workshop on pain and kink at last year’s Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and my own firsthand experiences, I’ve pulled together this list of insights you might find useful if you’re a kinkster who suffers from chronic pain, or if you play with people who do.

A pain scale is an invaluable communication tool.

I often advocate a 1-to-10 pain scale for use during any sadomasochistic scene, because it makes it easy for the bottom to communicate how much pain they’re currently feeling and/or how much pain they’d like to be feeling. But this scale isn’t just for paddle smacks and nipple pinches – you can use it to quantify your regular ol’ chronic pain, too.

I can say, for example, that my elbows are at a 5 right now, while my hands and ankles are at a 3 – and this might affect what my dominant chooses to have me do. If a particular activity mid-scene causes a sudden flare-up, it’s easier for me to spit out “My knees are at an 8” than it would be to construct a request for mercy in my subspacey haze.

As kinksters, we already have language for discussing and measuring pain; we might as well use it in positive ways outside of the dungeon, too.

Some chronic pain can be eroticized.

Please don’t assume this is true of everyone, or every type of pain – I know people who developed chronic conditions and immediately gave up all sadomasochistic activities, because they were experiencing enough discomfort in their regular lives and didn’t want to bring it into their sex lives, too, if they could help it. But for me, some of my joint pain can be made into a sexy thing if my partner and I recontextualize it together.

For example, while it’s agonizing for me to kneel for more than a few minutes due to my shitty knees, I can often get through it if I know my dominant wants me to and I would please him by sticking it out. I’ve knelt for long periods during human furniture scenes, bootblacking scenes, and oral service scenes, and while I can’t sustain that position for as long as a spryer submissive could, I’m able to enjoy my pain more when I feel like it has a purpose (i.e. making my partner happy).

Along similar lines, being taken care of when my pain is especially bad can be sexy in and of itself for me, because I’m into nurturing D/s dynamics. There are lots of ways to reframe pain into a hotter thing than it is on its own.

Communication protocols can set both partners at ease.

The dominants in Kneeling in Spirit emphasize again and again that they need their submissives to be honest with them about their bodies’ current status. This is difficult for me in more vanilla relationships – I feel like I am whining or bumming my partner out – but in D/s, it can be redefined as a mandated part of your dynamic. A dominant can, for example, require their submissive to text them a report on their current pain levels at the start or end of every day, or can choose a particular word or phrase that means, “Tell me how your body feels right now.” A couple could agree on an emoji code (e.g. black dot for “okay,” red dot for “bad,” double exclamation points for “too bad to do kink tonight”) or could share an online calendar where the submissive has to record certain health information daily. You get the idea.

If you’re a submissive and you have trouble communicating this stuff without feeling guilty or whiny, just remember that part of how you serve your dominant is by taking care of the things they love – and that includes you. Keep in mind Mollena Williams-Haas’ “prime directive” for submissives: “It is the primary responsibility of the slave to protect the master’s property at all times, up to and including protecting the property from their master.”

A variety of pain produces a better endorphin rush.

That is to say: if someone already has an achy back, maybe flogging their back isn’t the best way to go. Or, if their pain manifests as surface-level skin irritation, maybe they don’t want to be scratched or slapped, but would instead prefer a deeper, thuddier sensation.

When a body gets accustomed to a certain type of pain, it can stop sending out endorphins in response to that pain – so it might take a different type of pain altogether to get those endorphins flowing again. Consider what tools you have at your disposal that could achieve that.

Pain can be an opportunity for creativity, rather than a limitation.

I once had a friend-with-benefits with whom the “benefits” were primarily rope bondage, which he loved (so do I). He told me once that I’m very fun to tie up, and I scoffed. “You have to be joking,” I said. “My joints are so bad that there are tons of ties you can never do with me.”

He furrowed his brow. “That’s exactly why you’re a fun rope bottom for me,” he replied. “It’s an interesting challenge, figuring out which ties are going to work for your body.”

It had literally never occurred to me to think of my condition that way before. I’m no longer regularly in touch with that dude but his words have stuck with me. I think of them every time I feel like a useless submissive, a broken toy, for being unable to sustain certain positions. Many doms and tops love an opportunity to be crafty and clever – and that includes being in charge of a body that works a little differently than most.

 

Is chronic pain a part of your sex life? How do you like to deal with it?