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12 Days of Girly Juice 2019: 9 Best New Sex Toys

Kate Sloan

Ah, sex toys. What would I ever do without them? (Answer: have unsatisfying orgasms and a worse relationship with my body, probably.)

I like to reflect at year’s end on my favorite newly-acquired sex toys of the year. Whether you’re reading this looking for gift recommendations (for a loved one or yourself!) or just out of curiosity, I hope you’ll find something of interest here!

 

9. Zumio S (available at SheVibe)

This teensy oscillating vibe is an updated version of the previous Zumio, and this time around, it’s designed to be more suitable for folks with ultra-sensitive clits. The whole Zumio line is more intense and pinpoint than I tend to prefer, so they’re never gonna be nightstand staples for me, but I like this one for forced orgasm play or when I’m in the mood to overwhelm myself with sensation.

 

8. We-Vibe Moxie (available at SheVibe and the Smitten Kitten)

We-Vibe’s one of the few companies I would trust to make a decent panty vibe, considering how often toys in that genre tend to be total garbage. The Moxie is, by contrast, a treasure: strong, rumbly, well-designed, and cute as hell. I wish the Bluetooth functionality was a little more reliable, but for my money, if you need a discreet vibe to wear in your underwear for public play or just to liven up a visit to the grocery store, this is the best one you’ll find.

 

7. Honour Steel Dragon Claw (available from Honour)

I requested this on a whim and it’s gotten more use than I ever expected it to. Dubbed “the weird scratchy thing” in my household, this elegant, ergonomic metal claw is great for sensation play, and the hefty handle can even be used for impact. It’s rare these days for me to encounter a type of toy I’ve never tried before, so this was a refreshing product to get my kinky little hands on.

 

6. Uberrime Jellyfish (available at SheVibe)

My vagina’s not a texture fiend, unlike those of some of my sex toy reviewer friends, so I wasn’t expecting to love this veiny, ridgy dildo. However, Uberrime did a brilliant thing by making this toy in a gorgeously soft and pliable silicone, which makes the extreme texture much easier for me to handle. Despite its obvious unreality, when I squeeze on this dildo, it feels weirdly… cock-like? #DildoMagic!

 

5. Bodywand Midnight (available at SheVibe)

I’m verrrry skeptical of new wand vibrators – hell, new vibrators in general – because so many of them are atrocious or just boring. Bodywand’s been making good stuff for ages, though (along with a fair amount of so-so stuff), so I figured this all-black electric wand of theirs would be worth a shot, and it was! I love the precise control offered by the dial, and the just-rumbly-enough vibrations topped off with some satisfying buzz.

 

4. KinkLab vampire gloves (available at Spectrum Boutique)

(Content note for this one: blood!) Okay, these are technically my partner’s, not mine. (We do intend to eventually combine our sex toy collections, however, if you know what I’m sayin’.) But they have come into contact with my blood, which – as risk-aware blood-play aficionados know – means that they now must be reserved only for use with me, for hygiene reasons. Vampire gloves are leather gloves with little metal spikes pointing out of the fingers and thumb; you can use them for scratchy sensation play, extra-intense impact play, and various other activities. These ones are well-constructed and super sexy, and I’ve enjoyed every scene we’ve done with them.

 

3. Dame Kip (available at SheVibe)

I love a cute, travel-friendly vibe! This one hasn’t quite edged out my other long-time faves, like the Tango, but I like it very much – it has a good motor and its design is well thought-out. The sunny yellow color makes me smile, too!

 

2. Vixen Creations Bandit (available at SheVibe)

Realistic dildos can seem a bit boring when contrasted with all the neon-colored dongs and ridged dragon dicks on the market, but sometimes classics are classics for a reason. This one has gotten a ton of use for me, mostly because it’s long enough to hit my A-spot and squishy enough not to ram my cervix into oblivion. Good job, Vixen.

 

1. Weal & Breech purpleheart mallet (commission your own from Weal & Breech)

This was an anniversary gift from my partner, custom-made for us by the utter geniuses at Weal & Breech, and it’s hands-down my favorite impact toy I’ve ever owned. It’s the thuddiest thing ever, feels and looks elegant as hell, and totally intrigues every kinky friend of mine who sees it. It’s a treasured possession, the kind of thing I would save in a fire alongside my computer and old journals. Get your hands on one if you love thuddy impact!

 

What were your favorite sex toys of the year?

Review: Bodywand Midnight Plug-In Massager

Kate Sloan

Astute readers will recall that the quest for a rumbly, reliable, petite wand vibrator has occupied a lot of my sex toy testing time over the past year. Seeking a travel-friendly wand capable of getting me off in hotel rooms, I’ve tried colorful contenders, sleek silver selections, and rose-gold gadgets. But all of them have come up short: most often, they’re too buzzy or weak; sometimes they have mechanical problems that make them short out at crucial moments; sometimes they just don’t feel sexy enough to slot into a fantasy-like hotel tryst.

But I’m elated to announce that I’ve finally found the compact wand of my dreams: the Bodywand Midnight plug-in massager.

Sometimes I feel like Bodywand is a secret I’m keeping from the sex toy world. They just don’t seem that widely known about; they’re almost never recommended in the same breath as the Magic Wand and the Doxy. I’ve had an original plug-in Bodywand for years and it remains a staple of my collection, a failsafe for times when many other vibrators just aren’t up to snuff, because its vibrations are strong enough, rumbly enough, and it has a DIAL.

Let me tell you about the dial, because it’s a big fucking deal. The vast majority of wand vibrators – and indeed, vibrators in general – have buttons (or sometimes, infuriatingly, just one button) which you use to navigate through the various speeds and settings. This system probably works fine for most people, but my clit is easily numbed and easily overstimulated, so sometimes a too-big jump between speeds can desensitize or overload my bits before I even realize what’s happened. I almost always wish I had more granular control over vibration strength. With Bodywand, I finally fucking do.

Both this smaller Midnight edition and my older, bulkier Bodywand have a dial, and it’s a fucking godsend. I can edge up their power just the tiniest bit at a time, and slide it back down again when I need to. I can control my entire experience, second by second, with the smallest flicks of my thumb. It makes me feel empowered where a lot of vibrators leave me frustrated and defeated.

The quality of the vibrations, too, impresses me. I find them deliciously rumbly – but I should note that they’re only really rumbly for the bottom one-third to one-half of the vibration range. Friends who need more power have described these vibes as buzzy, but I tend to stay on the lower side of this vibrator’s capabilities so I only ever encounter rumbliness for the most part. Sometimes I nudge up into buzzy-land toward the end of a long session, but at that point it’s the type of buzziness that pushes me over the edge, rather than numbing me out.

This vibrator’s flexible neck works fine for me because I don’t put a lot of pressure on my clit when I use vibes, but if you do like pressure, you’ll probably find this vibrator unworkable. While we’re talking about the neck, I should also mention that the head is apparently made of thermoplastic rubber – a bummer, for sure. It would have been so easy to make it silicone and it would have improved this product substantially. Since TPR is porous, I’ll have to stick a condom on this wand if I ever want to share it with a partner I’m not fluid-bonded with, use it anally (which I wouldn’t recommend, but hey), or use it while menstruating or while getting over a vaginal infection. It’s not the biggest deal but it is annoying.

But for the most part, I’m over the moon for this vibrator. At 10″ long, it’s a reasonable size for my carry-on luggage, and also doesn’t take up much room on my nightstand when I’m using it at home. The dial makes a satisfying clicking noise when it kicks on, and gives me sublime control over my experience. The vibe being electric might inconvenience some people, but for me, it just means I don’t have to worry about batteries and charging. The head thrums faithfully against my body and gives me easy, consistent orgasms, which I appreciate all the more because so many other vibrators have utterly failed at this task.

The Bodywand Midnight massager is the best new vibe I’ve tried in a long time, and I’m sure that it and my suitcase are about to get closely acquainted.

 

Thanks so much to Bodywand for sending me this product to try!

Monthly Faves: Cocksucking & Caretaking

Kate Sloan

May was a nice month! Here are some of the sexy things I’ve been enjoying lately…

Sex toys

• We-Vibe sent me their new product, the Moxie, a panty vibe that attaches to your underwear with a magnetic clip. It’s an ingenious concept and I’m looking forward to testing it out in both long-distance and local encounters with my partner!

• I’m super enamored with the Bodywand Midnight plug-in massager, which Bodywand sent me this month. Full review to come, but for now, I’ll say: give me more vibrators that have a dial rather than buttons! It makes a huge difference!

• My partner acquired a Fun Factory Manta – one of the best-reviewed penis vibrators on the market right now – and I enjoyed using it on him during a blowjob. He seemed to love it a lot. I imagine it feels a bit like what I would feel if there was enough real estate on my clit to fit both a rumbly vibrator and a mouth, i.e. pretty great.

Fantasy fodder

• Sometimes being extra depressed gives me even more caretaking-related fantasies than I normally have… like my Sir bringing me soup, petting my hair, and later going down on me, all part of taking care of his little girl. 😍

• I’ve been working on an erotica story to submit to an anthology, and it’s about velvet fetish, so I’ve been thinking about all the various ways one could work velvet into one’s sex life. Currently I’d love to get fucked on top of a velvet blanket, or while wearing a velvet slip.

• This amateur cunnilingus clip continues to be a fave. Dat technique, tho.

Sexcetera

• I guested on the A Touch of Flavor podcast, answering some questions about DD/lg. It was a fun time!

• If you’ve ever wanted to see me give a blowjob, you’re in luck… I have a new scene on MakeLoveNotPorn that depicts just that. (I asked Bex – who curated the scene – whether his gagging phobia kicked in at the parts where I gagged on dat dick, but he said it didn’t bother him as much as it usually would because he knows I’m into gagging in that context and it’s even kinda romantic for me. Aww.)

• This month in my newsletter, I wrote about polyamory and introversion, hookup culture and responsive desire, some sexy memories from my Montreal trip, and the romance of being trampled. Subscribe, why don’tcha?

• Sextistics: this month I had in-person sex 10 times and phone sex 19 times, totaling 29 sessions.

Femme stuff

• I bought a new pair of Lotta from Stockholm clogs; I already had yellow ones and navy ones so this time I got red ones. These remain my favorite summertime shoes – they’re cute and comfortable, able to straddle the line between casual and fancy. Love you, Lotta!

• I’ve been leaning hard on my sample of Euphorium Brooklyn’s Suédois perfume lately. Containing notes of sandalwood, spiced suede, wildflower, raspberry, and Bavarian cream, it’s a gorgeously androgynous scent that always lifts my mood.

• Shout-out to the sensuality of napping in a sundress in the afternoon with the window open. I mean. Can you even imagine anything more luxurious and relaxing. Bonus points for a delicate little eye mask to keep the light out.

Media

• This month I got to read an advance copy of Jessica Pan’s new book, Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come, which is about a shy introvert’s attempt to live like an extrovert for a year. I found it howlingly funny and deeply relatable, as a total introvert myself.

• I’ve been reading Dr. Liz Powell’s book on non-monogamy, Building Open Relationships. It’s an absolutely invaluable resource for anyone exploring non-monogamy of any kind, and I’m loving it so far!

• I’m entering a full-blown Queer Eye obsession. Late to the party, for sure, but damn, what an uplifting show. It’s been in heavy rotation for me along with The Adventure Zone when I need to cheer up.

• Raven Kaldera’s anthology on submissives with mental illness, Broken Toys, is full of useful tips for both mentally ill subs and their dominants. I think a lot of you would find it illuminating and validating!

Little things

Planning layouts for my new room. Perfect margaritas at Northwood and Founder Bar (and introducing my friends to new cocktail bars). Singing Nick Jonas at karaoke. Being interviewed by smart people who know their shit. Working on a secret project with Brent. My extremely sex-positive psychologist. My new computer case and keyboard cover in my signature colors. Playing sweet ‘n’ sexy ukulele tunes at Bed Post. Going to see Next to Normal by myself from the very back row. Solo dinner dates. Trading sex toys for booze and 420 on Bunz. Gregory Prest. Gender-neutral bathrooms at the Bad Dog Theatre. Hello from the Magic Tavern. Long, lazy afternoons spent simply getting high and having sex. Listening to Hippo Campus and the Softies on rainy days.

WIshlist: January 2014

Kate Sloan

My sex toy collection is well above 100 toys now, and there’s still stuff I want. Folks, the obsession is real. Here are some toys I’m lusting after at the moment…

1. Limited-edition crystallized BodyWand – I have my doubts that the rechargeable BodyWands could be as strong/good as my electric one, but this blinged-out wand massager is cute and quirky and that makes me want to overlook its potential problems in other areas. Who doesn’t want a sparkly vibrator?!

2. Eroscillator 2 Top Deluxe – My Eroscillator 2 Plus is still my all-time favorite sex toy, almost 2 years after I first reviewed it. If it ever breaks, or if I ever mysteriously come across an extra $200 that I have no other use for (ha!), you can bet I’ll snap up the more powerful version, the Top Deluxe. The original Eroscillator leaves nothing to be desired in terms of power, if you ask me (or my clit), but as a diehard Eroscillator fan, I always want more, more, more!

3. Jopen Comet II – The original Comet was a shockingly intense (non-vibrating) G-spot toy, and now Jopen’s released a sequel that vibrates, for those who like a little rumbling alongside their knee-weakening G-spot stimulation. I figure, even if I don’t like the vibrations (which I probably will), it wouldn’t hurt to have a spare Comet Wand around.

4. Liberator Throe – I can imagine few things more luxurious than owning a blanket specifically for sex. While I don’t squirt (yet?), I still think it would be wonderful to have something soft and absorbent under me during sex to catch any errant lube, sexual fluids, or menstrual blood. My bed has enough stains as is, thank you very much. (Is that TMI? …Too bad, this is a sex blog!)

5. Vibratex Mystic Wand – How do I not have this already?! Tons of people rave about it. Betty Dodson even provides each of her Bodysex workshop participants with one of these for their “erotic recess.” Reviews seem to indicate that it’s one of the few Hitachi knockoffs that doesn’t suck. I need one!

What’s on your sex toy wishlist?

Review: Vibratex G-Spotter attachment

Kate Sloan

The Vibratex G-Spotter attachment is designed to slip over the head of your Hitachi to make it more versatile. I wasn’t a fan of my Hitachi, so I gave it away to a friend, and as a result, I’ve been testing out my new G-Spotter on the Bodywand. It fits perfectly, because the two wands are almost identical in shape and size.

The G-Spotter is made of vinyl, which is porous and may or may not contain phthalates. It’s probably unreasonable for me to expect a $15 toy to have some semblance of safety and health-consciousness, but I’m still kind of annoyed that this attachment has a strong rubbery smell and can never be fully sanitized.

This dude tells me my G-spot should like “firm pressure with mild vibration,” and he’s half-right. I don’t typically like internal vibration, though sometimes I can be swayed to enjoy it if it’s very strong and I’m very turned on.

However, this attachment totally misses my G-spot every time. The curve isn’t extreme enough. I’m sure it would work for some folks vaginally, but it sure didn’t work for me.

Clitorally, though, it’s much better. It focuses the broad power of my Bodywand into an inch-wide tip that my clit really digs. And when I have the patience and arm strength to hold the wand in one hand and a dildo in the other, it can be a very satisfying experience.

There’s another way to use this attachment: you can insert the vaginal part all the way, so that the wand’s head is mashed up against your clit. I tried this and found that the G-spot stimulation was too indirect and the clit vibration was too broad and numbing, but someone out there would surely love this sensation.

You could also insert it anally, but I wouldn’t recommend that unless you don’t plan on using it any other way. Once you get ass bacteria into the pores of this vinyl attachment, that bacteria’s not going anywhere – it’s there for life, so think wisely (or buy two, and label them clearly).

In the end, while the G-Spotter attachment certainly isn’t the fanciest toy out there, it fulfills a pretty useful purpose: it focuses the brute strength of my Bodywand into a slim, clit-approved point. I’d like to upgrade to a silicone version eventually, so I won’t have to worry about sanitary issues, but for now, this’ll do.

Many thanks, Sex Toys Canada!