Clone-a-Willy

I take great pains to document my sex life, whether on my blog (as you can plainly see) or in my journals or even in texts to friends. It feels like an act of archiving experiences, cataloguing them, so that in some sense I can hold onto them forever. It makes sense, then, that I would also want to somehow replicate – and thereby keep – my favorite dicks I have known.

This impulse evidently must be pretty common, because the Clone-a-Willy has been one of the most-discussed sex toys in the entire industry for as long as I can remember. Made by the geniuses at Empire Labs (whom I was privileged to meet at an industry tradeshow recently), this kit contains everything you need to first make a mold of a particular dick, and then pour silicone into the mold to create a body-safe, fuck-ready copy of said dick. What an incredible gift Empire Labs has given to the world.

I’ve been wanting to try a Clone-a-Willy since the moment I first heard of the product, and was delighted when my pals at Mindful offered to send me a kit. My partner and I decided on the hot pink version – the toy also comes in various skin tones and glow-in-the-dark shades – because, in their words, “I already have a flesh-toned version of my cock. I don’t need another one.” I love that the company makes the toy in so many colors; it’s a seemingly small thing but it makes the whole process feel more fun and whimsical, while also potentially making the product more inviting to non-binary and gender-nonconforming users, or people who just like colorful cocks.

The kit includes the following components: a package of algae-based molding powder, two tubs of liquid silicone, a plastic tube to assemble the whole thing in, a single-speed vibrator, a thermometer for measuring water temperature, a wooden tongue-depressor-esque stick to help with dispensing the silicone, and appropriately detailed instructions. You, in turn, will need the following items of your own for the dick-cloning process: a measuring cup, a large mixing bowl, scissors, a timer, a disposable container (like the kind of thing takeout soup might come in), a mixing spoon, and a 4″x4″ square of cardboard.

The instructions are fairly easy to grasp once you’ve read through them a few times, but you do need to read them thoroughly. Much like cooking certain complicated dishes, the Clone-a-Willy process progresses fairly quickly once it gets started, so it’s best to do your “mise en place” beforehand as best as you can.

You can read the instructions online if you’re curious, but to summarize… You’ll first need to get your dick (or your partner’s dick) hard and cut the plastic tube so it’s only half an inch longer than the penis you’re seeking to clone. (The provided tube is 11 inches long by 2.5 inches wide, so it should fit all but the most record-breakingly enormous dicks.) Then, in your mixing bowl, you’ll stir the molding powder into a specified quantity of 90-degree water (hence the thermometer in the kit) for precisely 45 seconds and pour it into the tube. At this point, the dick-owner must shove their erect-as-possible penis into the tube while the molding mixture starts to solidify, which takes only about two minutes.

This is the most stressful part of the process, because it requires you to maintain an erection while your dick is swimming around in a tube full of lukewarm whitish liquid – not necessarily the sexiest situation. My partner and I dealt with this by setting up a hypnotic trigger beforehand which would give them an extra jolt of boner-boosting arousal whenever I said the word “hard.” I also helped out during these crucial two minutes by kissing them, touching their non-genital erogenous zones, etc. Keep that dick hard at all costs, and definitely don’t miss your window of time – this stuff solidifies fast!

Once your mold is more-or-less firm, you can remove your dick from the tube. The instructions recommend letting the mold harden for an additional 4-8 hours before moving onto the next step, in which you mix together your two jars of silicone, slowly pour them into the mold, and top it all off with your vibrator wedged through a piece of cardboard to keep it properly positioned in the toy. Then you let the whole thing sit for 24 hours or more, at which point your fully-formed silicone dick is ready for extraction (and enjoyment).

Let me make a case for why the Clone-a-Willy is the perfect vibrator kit to try in the age of coronavirus. First off, if self-isolation or quarantining has dictated that you can’t see your partner face-to-face or genitals-to-genitals for a while, it might be nice to send them a fuckable effigy of your bits to help them feel closer to you. (Empire Labs also makes an equivalent version for vulvas now!) On the other hand, if you and your partner are holed up together – as was my situation – Clone-a-Willy is like a sexy science experiment you can do together. It’s a bonding experience, a collaborative process, and could even be incorporated into a kink scene if you’re so inclined.

It’s also worth noting that, at about $50-60 depending on where you are, the Clone-a-Willy kit is cheaper than a lot of realistic silicone dildos out there. It does require more work on your part than just picking up a couples’ vibe at the store, obviously, but I think it’s well worth its reasonable price tag, especially for the quality of the dildo you end up with.

Once we extracted the finished dildo from the mold (after waiting the full recommended 24 hours, very impatiently), I was struck by just how lifelike it is. It didn’t capture the full length of the dick being replicated, nor did it have the beautiful color gradient of peach-to-pink-to-purplish that I adore on the aforementioned dick, since it’s just pink silicone – but every bump, ridge, vein, and curve was preserved. Both my partner and I looked upon it in awe and agreed that it looked immensely, even somewhat creepily, close to their actual dick. Uncanny valley ahoy!

Of course, we pretty much immediately started boning, and soon they fucked me with their silicone cock. It’s unmistakably firmer and more battering-ram-esque than an actual flesh-and-blood dick, but sometimes that’s preferable! It’s also a little bit difficult to hold if you’re fucking someone with it – the dial base of the vibrator isn’t anywhere near as grippable as a typical chunky dildo base the likes of which would fit into a strap-on harness – but we managed to make it work. It was cool being able to combine their cock with things it normally can’t easily be paired with, like the Magic Wand Rechargeable or their mouth.

As for the vibrator embedded in the toy, it’s nothing to write home about: it’s only got one speed, and requires just one AA battery, so it’s not exactly a powerhouse. That said, you could probably replace it with a different, equivalently-sized vibe if you were so inclined, or just take it out once the dildo is set. I’m not much for internal vibration anyway.

Overall I’m really glad to own a gorgeous copy of my partner’s magnificent dick. I’m also impressed at how well the folks at Empire Labs have managed to create a dildo-making process that even a layman (or laywoman or layenby) can figure out. The Clone-a-Willy is a unique product and could be a lovely gift, whether you present your partner with a ready-made duplicate of your genitals, or the full unused kit, ready to be busted out on a particularly ambitious date night.

This post was sponsored by the good folks at JustMindful, who also provided the toy for me to review. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.