Coach

Behind the Seams: Colorful Cutie

Kate Sloan

Truth be told, I am getting pretty bored of the clothes that I have with me here in New York. It’s hard to dress yourself out of just a suitcase when you’re a fancy femme with broad tastes!! I’ll be sad when I have to leave next month to go back home and get vaccinated, but at least I’ll be reunited with the vast majority of my wardrobe.

This outfit was yet another fun attempt to re-style some of the basics I have with me into a fresh ‘n’ new ensemble. (Only a certain type of person would consider a hot pink sweater and metallic pink cowboy boots to be “basics,” and I am that type of person…)

I love pink and blue so much. I could truly wear this color combo every day for the rest of my life and be happy.

What I’m wearing:
• Pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Blue and white floral-print dress – H&M
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Blue sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Blue/grey/black Coach Willis bag – gift from my love

My old leather jacket was falling apart disastrously from a decade+ of wear, so Matt bought me this new one as a findom present a while ago. It was on sale at Danier and is pretty much the exact same cut as my last jacket, which was also by Danier. God, I am such a Taurus.

I wore this outfit on the first day it was warm enough in New York this year to get away with wearing just a leather jacket instead of a winter coat (or at least the first of such days when I actually went out, something I’m not doing much of!). Despite having been diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder FIFTEEN YEARS AGO – baby’s first mental illness diagnosis, wheee! – I still sometimes forget just how much sunlight or lack thereof can affect my emotional wellbeing and mental functioning.

Gloomy grey days make me sleepy and sad; sunnier days can change my whole outlook. When people ask “What’s your favorite season?” in conversation, I can’t really ever divorce my mental health from any other factors that might affect my answer to this question. Spring has always been my favorite season, because it’s the time of year when I traditionally start feeling functional again after a long, hard winter of apathy and melancholy. Shout-out to my fellow seasonally depressed babes who are feeling similarly these days!

What I’m wearing:
• Red floral-print dress – H&M
• Black leather jacket – Danier (it’s the Winslet style)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather clutch with gold chain strap – Coach
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson” – a Valentine’s Day gift from my love

I was having a bad chronic pain day on the day that I interviewed the Bearded Scotsman on the Dildorks, so I had to balance my body’s need for comfort with my need to look somewhat cute while chatting with a total babe on Zoom. What resulted is this outfit, which felt comfy enough to theoretically sleep in (except for the underwire) but still made me feel like a brunette Marilyn Monroe in a boudoir shoot.

I mentioned this Calvin Klein modal nightgown in my recent post on chronic illness-friendly clothing, when I had just ordered it. It’s a slightly more burgundy-leaning red IRL than I had imagined, but I still like it very much. It may not be the most “flattering” garment, whatever the hell that means, but it’s blissfully comfortable, which makes me feel happier in my body and thus more attractive. Would recommend.

What I’m wearing:
• Red modal V-neck nightgown – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Pink and red heart-covered lingerie – Agent Provocateur, a Valentine’s Day gift from my love
• Mismatched striped socks, because I was on Zoom so who cares!
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson”

I started envisioning this outfit as soon as the romper and heart necklace were on their way to me, each ordered from different retailers. That used to happen to me a lot more when I was younger and far more invested in clothes/fashion/style than I am now, so it was nice to feel that sensation again, of outfit inspiration striking, in the same way that I can be suddenly inspired to write a blog post or a poem or a song.

As I’ve mentioned before, I love MeUndies rompers dearly – they are divinely comfy, have a flattering cut, and come equipped with pockets. I had some store credit there and wanted to buy another romper, and while they have many fun prints I could’ve gone with, ultimately I opted for this timeless black and white gingham. I like that it equally looks like something an Instagram influencer would wear today or something Jane Russell or Betty Grable would have worn in a movie in 1953. There are truly endless ways to style something like this – yet another reason I’m looking forward to having access to my full wardrobe again!

What I’m wearing:
• Black and white gingham romper – MeUndies
• White and red heart-print socks – the Gap (I ordered a whole bunch of new socks after a few weeks in New York to avoid having to do laundry constantly)
• Red heart-shaped glasses – Zenni (these are still some of my fave glasses I’ve ever owned; I will probably order another pair if they ever break or if my prescription needs to be updated, tbh!)
• Red sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino, a recent findom present from my love
• “Should’ve” worn red lipstick with this ensemble, but couldn’t be arsed, and that’s okay!

 

What outfits or clothing items of yours have made you happy lately?

Monthly Faves: Blue Leather & Deep Rest

Kate Sloan

Wow, it’s been a long while since I’ve done one of these! Here are some of my fave things from January and December…

 

Media

• Matt and I devoured all of Schitt’s Creek together in a matter of weeks, and it’s truly wonderful. Dan Levy is a national treasure, Catherine O’Hara’s costumes and diction regularly made me screech, and it’s so amazing to see queer relationships being depicted in a setting that intentionally lacks homophobia. Would recommend if you’re looking for a new feel-good show to watch and you love black leather, musical theatre, pansexual weirdos, and/or silly sitcoms.

• Some TikTok youths started collaboratively writing Ratatouille: the Musical as a joke, and then it turned into an actual show benefiting the Actors Fund. I hadn’t seen Ratatouille so we watched it the night before seeing the livestreamed musical. The songs absolutely slap; I was particularly enamored with Tituss Burgess’s impassioned portrayal of Remy the rat, and Adam Lambert singing the hell out of a bop called “Rat’s Way of Life.”

• I got to read an advance copy of Torrey Peters’ new novel Detransition, Baby, and it’s a fucking tour de force. A trans woman writing a poignant trans and queer story full of wit, wonder, and social commentary? Yes please!

• The brilliant music writer Sean Michaels makes a list every December of his favorite 100 songs of the year, and it’s always a goldmine of fantastic music recommendations and beautiful music writing. The 2020 list was especially juicy; I made a playlist of my faves and have been steadily absorbing them ever since.

• In an attempt to understand the former president’s psychology a little better (such as it is), I read his niece Mary Trump’s excellent book Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man. Here are my highlights from the book, if you’re curious. There is some absolutely buckwild shit in there.

 

Products

• Matt’s present to me for our 3rd anniversary was a set of pale blue leather bondage restraints from Anoeses. It’s sooo luxe and stunning. I keep wanting to dress up in lingerie + heels + these restraints to do a super glamorous kinky photoshoot.

• I’ve been really enjoying the ways in which my partner and I play with consensual financial domination lately. (Should I do a blog post reviewing all the fancy presents I’ve “forced” them to buy for me?!) One of the manifestations I think we both enjoy most of this is when I “make” them buy me things when they’re super turned on, as a precondition of letting them out of chastity, or even just giving them some mild vibration with a Magic Wand through their cock cage. One such purchase that made me swoon this month was a Coach Willis bag colorblocked with black, grey, and pale blue. I’ve always loved the Willis style for its structured shape and clean lines, and already own a vintage black one, but the modernized, updated design is gorgeous in its own way and feels very grown-up. Maybe I’ll wear it to some businessy event in the future, if such a thing exists…

• Another recent findom gift: a navy-blue Extra Large Warmer scarf from Yokoo, whose knitwear I’ve always thought was sublime. She made me a cranberry-colored cowl a few years back that is definitely one of the warmest things I own (which is important to us Canadians!), and this new one is every bit as cozy and makes me feel like urban glamour personified.

• With new variants of COVID floating around, it seemed prudent to invest in some better masks than the flimsy fabric ones from Etsy I bought early last year and had been wearing ever since. I bought a trio of new ones from Sartor Masks and am very happy with them – they’re made of double- or triple-layered sturdy fabric, have a pocket for a filter, have nose wires that can actually contend with my big ol’ schnoz, and seem to fog up my glasses less egregiously than other masks have. Yay!

• Speaking of masks, albeit of a different kind… I’m an eye-mask evangelist, because wearing one every night has improved my sleep quality massively, thereby lessening a lot of my chronic illness symptoms. I decided to upgrade mine recently, and took the Wirecutter’s recommendation to buy a Nidra Deep Rest mask. It is truly next-level. Adjustable velcro strap, contoured nose gap, and deep eye cups that don’t interfere with the natural eye-fluttering that happens during sleep. Divine.

 

Work & Appearances

• The revered art-porn company Andrew Blake asked me to write some blog posts for them, so I wrote about sexy loungewear’s effect on self-esteem and the (un)importance of penis size.

• You know how some couples announce their engagement/marriage in the New York Times? Well, the first publication (other than my own) to acknowledge my marriage was Vice, in this great Chingy Nea article about making long-distance relationships work. Couldn’t have hoped for a better coronation into wifehood!

• The amazing folks at SheVibe have been making trading cards of sex educators, and I was so flattered that they asked me if I’d like to be included! My card makes me so happy. I only wish I really owned that cool blue leather jacket my illustrated avatar is sporting!

• As part of my continuing protocol where I have to learn and record at least one song per month, I recently learned how to play the song “Harvey” by Her’s, an earworm that had been haunting me. It’s a really fun track based on the play/movie Harvey – yes, the one with the giant imaginary rabbit. I love having a ukulele with me here while I’m stuck in New York – it makes it much easier to be away from home for this long.

• Recent discussion topics on the Dildorks included making marriage kinky, orgasm quandaries, our 2020 sex lives in review, household service in D/s dynamics, platonic touch and intimacy, sex and aging, and what happens when your long-distance relationship isn’t long-distance anymore.

• Some recent favorite essays from my Sub Missives newsletter: daydreams about the ideal New Year’s Eve outfit, answers to questions from the Sex subreddit, reminiscences of sneaky dildo adventures, and reflections on capitalism + card games with the cool kids.

 

Good Causes

• The Black Trans COVID-19 Fund provides the Black trans community with food, shelter, healthcare, and other necessities. They are doing important work and deserve your support!

• The Innocence Project works to exonerate people who have been wrongfully convicted and jailed, using DNA evidence. Brilliant and necessary.

• Unicorn Riot is a nonprofit independent media organization that seeks to “expose root causes of dynamic social and environmental issues through amplifying stories and exploring sustainable alternatives in today’s globalized world.”

• The Emergency Release Fund helps bail out trans people who have been jailed in New York City, because pre-trial detention can be a particularly high-risk time for trans folks.

Monthly Faves: Rainbow Hearts & Bigger Love

Kate Sloan

Hope you’re having an okay day even though everything is difficult and chaotic right now! Here are some of my fave things from June…

Media

• The new Netflix documentary Disclosure is a brilliantly-produced history of transgender representation in film. With interviews from trans media luminaries woven together between clips of the relevant films and scenes (some good and affirming, some horrifically othering), it tells the story of how we got to where we are now in terms of trans media rep – which, let’s face it, is still often pretty damn bad. I really appreciated the perspectives of the trans people interviewed for this doc and I hope there are way more three-dimensional trans and non-binary characters in movies from here on out.

• This month I got to preview the forthcoming debut novel of a writer named Mateo Askaripour; you can preorder it here. It’s a Wolf of Wall Street-esque satirical story about the only Black salesman at an absurd startup business. The writing is hilarious, the pacing is quick, and the characters are wonderfully memorable – would recommend.

• This month my partner and I felt like watching some queer movies (happy Pride!) so we searched some popular LGBTQ+ film lists on Letterboxd, and ended up going with a Korean film called (in English) The Handmaiden. It’s a wild ride: there’s a Japanese heiress, a charismatic con man, ancient erotica novels, a mental hospital, some drag, and a lot of great queer sex. I love when a thriller manages to actually surprise me with its twists like this one did.

• The new John Legend album, Bigger Love, is yet another triumph from one of the finest R&B songwriters of our time. Some parts of it reminded me of his early days when his music was much more stripped down (seeing him play/sing solo piano tunes in 2008 was a highlight of my concert-going career). His voice just gets better and better over the years somehow.

• Greg from How to Drink is really delivering quality content lately. His videos on “vacation juice” from Animal Crossing and “cactus juice” from Avatar: the Last Airbender were so imaginative, informative, and fun.

• I can’t stop playing and replaying the Pokémon games (main series only – I’m a purist!). This month I replayed Moon and Shield and they are still some of the best in the series (I think my all-time faves might be X and AlphaSapphire though). Who’s on your dream Pokémon team? I still think the Galarian variant of Rapidash is one of the most beautiful characters ever created in this series.

• I’ve talked to you about my love for barbershop quartets before, but this month I got a bit fixated on the Newfangled Four’s medley of “Hello My Baby” in various different musical genres. The joke they make about “my heart’s on fire” makes me laugh every. single. time, and Jake Tickner’s vocals on the swing-inspired and Elvis-inspired renditions are dreamy.

Products

• I don’t have a ton of new shopping to report this month (there are better places for my money to end up, especially right now!) but if you are looking to purchase a Coach bag, you gotta check out bran_bran1984’s wonderfully thorough reviews of them on YouTube. Sometimes you just gotta see a bag in action before you can add it to your cart in good conscience, y’know?

• One thing I did buy was an 100% silk vintage Victoria’s Secret robe in a beautiful pink rose print from FlyGirlOutlet. If I have to lounge around at home constantly, I might as well do it in glamorous loungewear.

• I’d never owned a pair of prescription sunglasses before, but when I saw that Zenni is donating proceeds from their (very affordable) rainbow eyewear to the It Gets Better project, I decided it was time. My new rainbow cat-eye sunglasses are so dramatic and glam. I also got a pair of rainbow Wayfarer-style regular glasses for good measure.

• One of my mom’s Christmas gifts for me last year was a body pillow, and it came in very handy this month as I’ve been dealing with pinched nerves in my elbows (ow) on top of my regular chronic pain and need to keep my arms as straight as I can for as much time as possible while they heal. Folks with chronic pain, if you’ve never tried a body pillow, I highly recommend it – they can take pressure off your achy parts in surprisingly relieving ways!

• My current home-decor obsession is Command hooks. They’re the best solution for renters who want to hang stuff on their walls. Currently I have some allocated for impact-play toys, some for purses, and some for my various fabric face masks, so I can quickly grab one when I’m on my way out the door. My room is tiny so any extra storage space is helpful!

Work & Appearances

• My good friend Dick Wound invited me onto his podcast Being There to discuss life as a sex journalist. The week before, he had my partner Matt on to tell the story of how we met and how we decided to “come out” as a couple. Aww, romantic.

• Dick’s cohost on his other podcast Off the Cuffs, Minimus Maximus, also cohosts a show called WKIF (We Know It’s Fake) where him and former wrestling commentator Craig Johnson watch footage of an old wrestling event with someone who’s not ordinarily a fan of the sport and then talk about it. They had me on to discuss an episode of LPWA (the Ladies’ Professional Wrestling Association) from the early ’90s, and it was a blast.

• Remember when I reviewed the Clone-a-Willy? Xtra asked me to write about the experience in more detail and provide some tips for those embarking on this process. I still think this product is the perfect gift for your quarantine sweetie!

• This month on the Dildorks, we interviewed Andre Shakti about her new online strip club, chatted with Gwen Adora about running an online sex work business, and had some interesting discussions about sex while stressed and celebrating Pride in quarantine.

• In my newsletter this month, I highlighted books by authors of color that you should read, pondered the notion of “being in trouble” in the context of my trauma, put together cute pretend outfits I would wear to 5 places I wish I could go, and discussed the importance of knowing a sexual partner’s tastes through the lens of sex scenes in movies I’ve seen recently.

Good Causes

• Critical Resistance is working to abolish the prison industrial complex, an institution which, as our current political moment is really driving home, is pretty fucked up. Straight-up donations are great, but if you’d like to receive something for your cash, they have some truly cute merch that shows off your passion for the abolitionist movement. I already gave once but now I’m eyeing that comfy-looking grey “Building People Power” sweatshirt…

• The Okra Project hires Black trans chefs to cook good wholesome meals for other Black trans people. I love the practicality of this; as anyone who’s ever gone through grief or profound depression can tell you, sometimes it’s the “simplest” and most practical things, like making a meal or doing the dishes, that are hardest to do and that can be the most appreciated when someone else steps up to do them for you. This organization is also running a COVID-19 aid fund for Black trans folks and has just started some new programs for supporting that community’s mental health as well.

• The Black Coalition for AIDS Prevention is based here in my hometown of Toronto and is Canada’s largest Black-specific HIV/AIDS service organization (amazing!). They work to reduce HIV’s spread in Toronto’s Black communities and improve quality of life for Black folks living with HIV/AIDS.

• There continues to be a lot of bullshit transphobia in the world, so a donation to the National Center for Transgender Equality is always a good idea. They’re working on changing policies to increase the general population’s understanding and acceptance of trans people. Some of their current projects include the Trans Legal Services Network and a racial and economic justice initiative.

• The Internet Archive is seeking new donors so it can stay online. This resource is invaluable, especially now in an era when disingenuous politicians and terrifying alt-right trolls are constantly trying to deny and erase the truth in favor of their own absurd narratives. Preserving internet history is a way of preserving the truth, among other things.

Handbags in the Age of Coronavirus

Kate Sloan

Ever since the pandemic news got bad, I’ve lost almost all of my usual verve for fashion and beauty. Where once I would spend hours per month trawling the websites of beloved clothing and accessories makers, now I can barely bring myself to window-shop for new socks online even though mine are riddled with holes. I trudge through most days in stretched-out T-shirts and comfy lounge pants, my hair pulled back in a cursory nub of a bun, lipstickless and lethargic.

Part of the reason for all this is the obvious: no one is seeing my outfits (no one except my partner, my roommate, and her two cats, that is), so I feel less motivated to put them together. There is no one to infer things about me from what I have on, and in losing the motivation to perform my selfhood in this way, I’m also losing some of that selfhood itself.

Another component of my sartorial disinterest is due to plain ol’ depression and grief. What we’re going through right now, as a species, is traumatic on scales we have yet to fully comprehend. I know from past experience that immense, bone-deep sadness causes my materialistic impulses to either ramp up significantly as a distraction tactic, or to drop off completely in a blaze of nihilism. Lately I’m oscillating between both extremes, but mostly landing on the latter.

However, there is still one category of fashion item that tugs at my femme heartstrings and makes my world feel a little brighter, and that’s handbags. Purses. Satchels. Totes. I ogle the Kate Spade and Coach websites in spare moments. I comb through eBay listings with keen-yet-weary eyes. I take great pleasure in ogling my extant handbag collection – though I rarely touch any of them these days.

That’s the root cause of this, I have to imagine: the lack of need for a bag at this time in history. I can throw on cute outfits galore in the confines of my apartment, and even clomp around in heels I’d never or rarely wear out into the world, but carrying a bag in those instances feels totally unnecessary and impractical. What, am I gonna tuck a petite clutch under my arm for the journey from the bedroom to the kitchen? Slide a crossbody strap over one shoulder for a jaunt to the garbage chute down the hall? I think not.

Even when I go out, I don’t have much use for bags now. More often than not, I’m just going on a quick errand or a meandering walk. I’ll cram my phone into the back pocket of my jeans (I rarely have the emotional energy for skirts and dresses these days), slip my keys into the front one, and maybe bring along a credit card or some cash if I plan on wandering to the shops. With a fabric mask on, I find it’s hard to do anything detail-oriented that lies below my sightline, so rummaging through a bag like I might normally do is impractical and sometimes even painful. (Anyone else find themselves constantly getting poked in the eye by their masks, through some strange contortion of facial muscles and eyeballs?!)

The increasing pointlessness of handbags, the frivolity and complexity of lifestyle that they hearken back to and that contrasts so sharply with my current involuntarily pared-down life, somehow makes them more appealing to me rather than less. They’re a useless luxury object at the moment, sure. But they’re also a window into my future, a future of normalcy regained, a future of getting dressed up and having somewhere to go.

The ritual of packing my pretty purse before an outing is often ceremonious and always important. Solo dates, especially, require preparation in this arena: I’ll fill a piece of lovely leather with my journal and pen so I can reflect on my feelings in a café window, or a loaded-up Kindle so I can spend time with beloved fictional characters at a cocktail bar, or a pair of glasses so I can see a theatrical cast’s every facial expression from the nosebleed seats. I’ll check to make sure I have my ID incase of booze, and my earbuds incase of boredom. I’ll throw in some gum or mints if there’s romance on the horizon. I’ll check the contents of my wallet to see how much merriment I can afford to make. It’s a femme ritual that feels like writing the blueprint of my outing before it even begins. The contents of my bag guide me on my journeys; the bag itself may as well be cute.

I haven’t actually purchased any new bags during this time period, for reasons you can probably guess: it feels unnecessary, I’m trying to keep an eye on my finances, and there are so many better ways I could and should direct my cash during this crisis. But I doubt I’ll stop staring at the kelly-green Marc Jacobs totes and lemon-yellow Coach satchels any time soon. They give me solace, and glee, and something to look forward to: a life that’s once again worth packing a bag for.