D/s

Review: Device Bondage Fleshlight Gas Mask

Kate Sloan
Gas mask, sans Fleshlight

One thing I’ve always loved about kinksters is our ingenuity. We have the wonderful superpower of being able to see the potential hotness in just about anything – and we can be wildly creative in seeking to fulfill our fantasies.

One such example is the Fleshlight gas mask. Let’s talk about it!

Clear-lens version (left) and blacked-out lens version (right), plus Fleshlight before being trimmed to size (below)

What is the Fleshlight gas mask?

Devised by the delightfully devious folks at Device Bondage, this product is an old-timey, military-style gas mask, which has been modified so that you can slip a Fleshlight Aviator insert (included) through the mouth.

When someone face-fucks you while you’re wearing this mask, your mouth is full of Fleshlight material and dick. Essentially, your mouth is operating as the hard casing normally found around a Fleshlight that keeps it tight and contained.

The company offers the gas mask with either clear lenses or blacked-out ones (see the above image for a comparison). Clear lenses are better for the voyeuristically inclined, and may also be a smart choice for beginners to breath play (or any of the other kinks mentioned below), as they’ll allow your partner to check in on you more easily mid-scene. Blacked-out lenses are better for those of us who enjoy dehumanization or sensory deprivation, although it’s worth noting that they aren’t fully opaque – just enough light comes through that I was able to navigate around my bedroom without tripping over all the furniture.

Included along with the gas mask itself was the following items:

  • A new-in-box Fleshlight Aviator stroker
  • A box-cutter/utility knife, which you’re supposed to use to manually trim the Fleshlight insert, since many users will not want 6+ inches of “SuperSkin™” in their mouth (more on this when I talk about my experience below)
  • A safety notice, explaining that this device “can pose a risk of restricting air supply” and smartly suggesting that doms and subs alike do a “trial run” prior to actually using the product, to make sure they know how to use it comfortably and safely (more safety tips below)
Included box-cutter/utility knife for trimming the Fleshlight insert

What kinds of kinksters might enjoy the Fleshlight gas mask?

Oh, where to even begin?! I’ll just go alphabetically – you might enjoy this product if you’re into any of the following kinks/fetishes:

  • Anonymous sex
  • Breath play & gagging
  • Cock worship
  • Consensual non-consent
  • Dominance & submission
  • Face-fucking
  • Fear play
  • Degradation & dehumanization
  • Medical play
  • Military clothing/paraphernalia
  • Rubber
  • Sensory deprivation
  • Spit/drooling

I happen to be into several of the kinks on this list, so although the company said I could pick any toy from their catalogue, I ended up settling on this one. I knew that using it would freak me out, but I was prepared for that eventuality, especially since I’ve had enjoyable experiences with fear play and other scary kinks before.

Some quick safety tips

First, you’re gonna want to remove the little grey circle of silicone that covers the air filter on the mask. This will enable you to breathe even while the Fleshlight is full o’ cock.

Definitely agree on a safe-signal beforehand with your partner whenever you use this product, because you won’t be able to speak while it’s in use. A good standard safe-signal is to tap twice on your partner’s thigh/arm/whatever, or to shake your head “no.” Make sure your partner knows they should stop immediately and check in on you whenever a safe-signal is used – or, alternatively, you may want to have one signal that means “stop immediately” and one that means “slow down/ease up/I need a break.”

Never leave someone unattended in this mask, incase they start to struggle to breathe for any reason. Likewise, the mask’s safety instructions recommend that you never restrain someone while they’re wearing this mask, presumably because then they won’t be able to easily use their safe-signal, remove the mask themselves, or physically push their partner away if they need to.

Finally, aftercare is always important in kink, but may be especially so when you’re playing with emotionally fraught kinks like consensual non-consent, fear play, and dehumanization. I tend to want cuddles and praise after engaging in these types of kinks, for instance. Before trying this toy, it’d be a good idea to get familiar with your partners’ aftercare needs, and your own, if you’re not already.

Things I like about this toy

  • Well, for one thing, it’s fucking hot! I’m not much for dehumanization kink in general, but I do love being (consensually) face-fucked, and feeling (consensually) “used” for someone else’s pleasure. Often while testing this toy, I felt reduced to being a blowjob machine, a mere hole to be enjoyed, which (in the context of my loving & respectful relationship with my partner) was hot as hell to me. It helped me tap into my submission very quickly, taking me down into a sweet, trancelike subspace. Yum.
  • My partner found it hot too, and said it was definitely pleasurable enough that she could’ve come from fucking my face that way (we didn’t test the mask “to completion” because the mask itself was scary enough to me and I low-key worried I’d choke to death on her cum). She described it as tighter than a regular BJ, though most of the tightness was focused around the base of her dick rather than the more sensitive head.
  • Because the trimmed Fleshlight is open at both ends, I get to lick my partner’s frenulum, taste her precum, etc. while she’s fucking the Fleshlight. This means I get to retain some of the intimate, closely connected feelings I get from giving a regular BJ, along with the more unusual (for me) ‘scary’ feelings of wearing a gas mask with blacked-out eyes.
  • Speaking of the blacked-out eyes, I ended up liking that version better than the clear-lens one, because I enjoy the sensory deprivation aspect of being blindfolded, and this is just a more extreme version of that. The dark lenses made me feel much more immersed in the scene and more mindful of the sensations I was feeling.
  • While face-fucking is one obvious way to use this product, the person wearing the mask can also take a more active role, bobbing their head up and down, as in a standard blowjob, to stimulate their partner’s dick with their mouth and the Fleshlight simultaneously. I like having this option when I want it!
  • Surprisingly enough, I think this product would be great for people who struggle with giving toothy blowjobs. Provided you haven’t trimmed the Fleshlight insert too short, it’ll cover your teeth, significantly cushioning the dick therein from any sharp edges. I really liked that my partner was able to fuck my face pretty rough and fast without either of us needing to worry about my teeth.
  • The straps on the mask make it very adjustable to fit different head sizes. I sometimes found it tricky to cram my head in there initially, but once the mask was on and the straps were tightened enough, the fit felt secure and comfortable, and I could breathe without issue.

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • Fundamentally I just don’t think I want to have Fleshlight material in my mouth, which this product pretty much requires. SuperSkin is a porous material, so – while it’s not toxic or anything – it can’t be fully cleaned between uses, as bacteria will always linger in the pores to some extent. I find this kinda gross and it would be a tough psychological hurdle for me to get over after a certain number of uses. (On that note: Make sure to wash and rinse the Fleshlight insert thoroughly before your first use; it tasted chemical-y to me straight out of the box.)
  • Both my partner and I found that our hair would often get caught in the metal parts of the mask straps, sometimes causing breakage or pain as we tried to disentangle it.
  • I didn’t love having to manually trim the Fleshlight insert down to size with the included super-sharp box-cutter, mainly because I am not a handy person and was terrified the whole time that I’d injure myself… but I do like that you can customize the Fleshlight to fit your mouth better in this way, since there is a lot of variation in mouth size between people.
  • I wasn’t really able to swallow very well while the mask was on (because my mouth was full of Fleshlight and dick) and so my drool kinda got everywhere, and sometimes made me feel a bit panicky and grossed out as it flowed back into my own mouth in large quantities. But I know that there are many spit fetishists who would find that sexy as hell, sooo…

Final thoughts

I’ve never tried anything like the Device Bondage Fleshlight gas mask before. It taps into a cavalcade of kinks, some of which I’m definitely into, and some of which I’m less into – but I’m really glad I own one, for those times when I want to feel dehumanized, “used,” and useful.

Some practical issues make it unlikely that this’ll become my go-to kink toy any time soon, but I appreciate any opportunity to suck my partner’s cock in new and interesting ways 😉 and just as with the blowjob mirror I reviewed back in 2017, this mask pushed my BJ fanaticism to its limits, and turned me on by scaring the shit out of me. Isn’t fear play fun?!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

3 Tips for Newbie Femdoms

Kate Sloan

I’m certainly no expert at domination, being a mostly-submissive switch – but I’ve done more domming in the last few years than I’d done in my entire life before that, and so I’ve gotten a lot better at it.

I think being a “femdom” – loosely defined here as a dominant who is female (cis or trans) and/or femme – involves some complexity that isn’t always there for male and masc doms. For one thing, male dominance paired with female submission is the most common heterosexual view of what a D/s dynamic should be (this effect was highlighted in a recent Natalie Wynn video, where she referred to it as “default heterosexual sadomasochism”). As a result, feminine dominants can be seen as disrupting the sexual status quo – because they are! – and may struggle with shame or other difficult feelings around that, whether those judgments are internalized and self-inflicted, or based moreso on feedback you’re getting from the outside world.

Femdom dating sites can help with this to some extent, but it’s hard to unlearn deeply ingrained societal narratives. For this reason and many others, exploring your dommy side as a woman or feminine-leaning person can be intimidating – but here are some tricks I’ve learned that help.

 

1. Create your own persona

Another hurdle facing femdoms is that there’s still not as much variety as one would hope in media depictions of feminine dominance. For a long time, I thought I couldn’t possibly be a femdom, because every professional dominatrix I knew was hyper-confident (at least externally), wielded a whip or paddle with panache, and looked dynamite in black leather. I didn’t feel like I fit the mold, and I only started feeling comfortable in my dominance once I cobbled together my own femdom persona from other sources.

When you picture yourself feeling powerful, hot, and in control, what are you wearing? How are you speaking to people? How do you walk and gesture and move? These are good starting points for building a persona, which will hopefully feel like accessing a new facet of yourself, rather than like playing a character (although it may take you some practice and time to get there).

 

2. Tap into what you really, really want

Despite having had sexual desires and fantasies for as long as I can remember, it can be hard for me to actually pursue those desires. As a submissive with people-pleaser tendencies, I’ll often default to asking what the other person wants, or I’ll just give them what I think they want. While this isn’t the most empowering or satisfying way to submit to someone (IMO), it can definitely be done, even for the course of an entire relationship, and an unattuned dom might not even notice you’re doing it.

On the flipside, when you’re in a dominant role, your desires are central (or at least, they’ll usually appear to be, within the narrative of the scene). It sucks to fall into the trap of asking each other over and over, “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” so it’s important to figure out what actually turns you on and makes you happy, and then get comfortable asking for that.

I’ll often ask my partner, before a scene, if I can take a minute to just think and feel. I’ll close my eyes and pay attention to the places in my body that are craving touch, or the fantasies that come up in my mind’s eye. Or I’ll think through some possibilities and see which one creates a visceral response in my body. (This is also incidentally how I decide what I want for dinner, lol!) The more that I practice this, the easier it gets.

I’d also recommend keeping a record of the fantasies that arise for you during masturbation, or any porn clips or erotica stories you stumble across that get you especially turned on. I always appreciate having this type of list to pull from, when I want to do a scene with my partner but am feeling uninspired.

 

3. Delegate

This one depends on your sub and what they’re into, but I’ve found it soooo helpful to delegate certain tasks to my partner which enable me to be a better domme, especially since I have energy limitations due to my fibromyalgia. These tasks include stuff like:

  • Putting together a curated list of porn clips for us to watch together before sex/a scene, so I don’t have to run the whole arousal-building process myself for both of us
  • Keeping an ongoing list, in a shared digital note, of their fantasies and wishes, etc. that I can pull from as needed
  • Handling certain household tasks for me (or making/sending me dinner), so I have more time/energy to plan scenes and build my own desire level
  • Self-monitoring their adherence to our protocols, using an app like Streaks, so that I can confirm that they’ve done the tasks I assigned them, without needing to proactively enforce all the rules myself

 

I think it’s really important, overall, to understand that dominance looks different for everyone, and so does submission. Each D/s dynamic is unique and should be customized to the individuals within it. You don’t have to hold yourself to unreasonable standards, and your partner(s) shouldn’t, either. Find your way of being dominant, little by little, through trial and error, and you’ll build up those muscles (figuratively and perhaps literally!).

Fellow femdoms of all stripes, what other tips do you wish you’d gotten when you started?

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

How to Discover Your New Favorite Sexy Roleplay

Kate Sloan
Photo from my Wednesday Addams photoshoot with Cadence Lee back in 2017

Ah, roleplay. For something that is literally just grown-up playtime, it sure can cause a lot of stress and confusion. Many people wonder (sometimes in my inbox) how to get started with roleplay, what their favorite roleplays mean about them, and what scenarios they should explore through roleplay.

That last question is what I’m focusing on today. Once you know you want to try “sexy improv” (as I affectionately refer to roleplay), how do you know who you want to roleplay as?! Here are some suggestions to help you brainstorm…

 

1. Examine the media that turns you on.

Do you reliably feel a little randy when you watch Gerri and Roman verbally spar in the humiliation scenes of Succession? Does your erotic imagination continually wander back to the hypnokink antics in The Jungle Book? Do you fantasize about being wanted as fervently as Joe wants his stalking victims in You? (Am I just listing my own kinks here? Who can say…)

Media is often one of the first places we encounter dynamics we’d later like to embody and act out ourselves. It’s worth paying attention to which characters, relationships, situations, and power dynamics get your motor running, so you can translate their hottest elements into a sexy scene with a partner someday.

 

2. Ponder the words you love to call people, or to be called.

If you’ve noticed your knees get weak when you call a partner “boss,” or when an authority figure calls you “young lady,” for example, that’s useful information.

If you like, try making a list of all the titles and honorifics you can think of – sir, madam, doctor, your honor, your majesty, captain, and so on. Go through the list and take a moment to imagine what it would be like to call an attractive person each title on the list, or how it would feel if an attractive person were to call you these names. Circle the ones that make your heart beat faster and file that info away for future roleplays!

 

3. Take a quiz.

The Cheztoon ‘How Kinky Are You?’ quiz, for example, can help you narrow down the kinky archetypes you’re most drawn to. Take it with a partner, share your results with one another, and discuss!

I could also see it being useful to take a silly online quiz that tells you which character from your favorite media property you’re most similar to. For instance, I just took a “What Mean Girls character are you?” quiz on Buzzfeed and it told me that I’m Janis Ian. Extremely into the idea of a Janis-and-Regina-inspired roleplay!

 

4. Ask yourself how you want to feel.

Different people are drawn to kinky roleplay for different reasons, and it’s useful to figure out your own motivations when devising new roleplay scenarios. Do you want to feel submissive? Dominant? Innocent? Powerful? Slutty? Evil? Ravaged? Indulged? Punished? Adored?

Write down all the emotions you like to feel, whether in kink or just in life, and use that list to extrapolate some roleplay situations you might enjoy.

 

5. Consider costuming.

While costumes are absolutely not a requirement for roleplay, they can make scenes feel more authentic and grounded in reality. But also, you can consider which clothing items make you feel sexiest, and devise a roleplay based on those choices.

For example, I’ve always felt super cute in short pleated skirts and kneesocks, so a schoolgirl/teacher roleplay is a natural fit for me. I’ve had partners who felt most “themselves” in an elegant suit, suggesting they might enjoy playing a powerful entrepreneur in a boss/secretary roleplay or somesuch. If a black latex catsuit sounds like the hottest possible thing you could wear, maybe you’re jonesing for a Catwoman/Batman roleplay. You get the idea!

 

What methods have you used to brainstorm future roleplay scenes?

 

This post was sponsored by Cheztoon Take the Kink Quiz. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

You Are Not a Bad Submissive

Kate Sloan

Being a loudly and proudly submissive woman on the internet, I get a lot of questions in my various inboxes from other submissives, seeking affirmation and advice. Sadly, the subtext (ha!) of all too many messages in this vein is: “Am I a bad submissive because I don’t [do xyz thing that someone told me submissives do]?”

You can fill in that “xyz” with just about any kinky activity. Service. Masochism. Being tied up. Being “forced” to orgasm. Giving oral sex. Being a brat. Being obedient. Being “hot enough” or “pretty enough” or “kinky enough” or just… enough. There are so many areas where submissives doubt themselves and their ability to do certain things they feel are expected of submissives, whether due to physical limitations or psychological baggage or just… not liking certain acts.

Thinking you’re a “bad submissive” because you can’t do, or don’t like doing, certain things is like thinking you’re “bad at sex” for the same reasons. Sure, there are some overarching attributes and behaviors that are likely to make you a good submissive, or good at sex, no matter who you’re fucking: on-point communication skills, well-attuned self-knowledge, generosity of spirit. But it would be erroneous to assume that you’re universally bad at being submissive, or at having sex, just because your tastes and style don’t align perfectly with those of everyone you encounter in your sex life. Sure, yeah, maybe you had a dom once who craved good obedient service and your idea of sexy-fun submission is more like brash brattiness. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad submissive. It just means you’re not compatible with that dom in that way.

I dated a dude once who was way kinkier than me by every measure I can think of: he had more kinks than I do, felt more strongly about them, and could find ways to eroticize things that sometimes seemed pretty random and odd to me (in the best way). When we first started dating, I was nervous that I wouldn’t be able to live up to his expectations – that he would look at me, tied up and squirming on his massage table, and wish he was throat-fucking me instead, or caning my calves, or encasing me in saran wrap from head to toe.

However, in our numerous detailed kink negotiations, I learned that he didn’t think that way at all. He wasn’t sizing me up, putting together a wishlist of things he wanted to do to me, regardless of my opinions on the matter – he wanted us to figure out together what would be fulfilling for us to do. This is the basis of how every good dom approaches their dynamics, in my opinion. Sure, sometimes it can be fun to invite a partner to try an activity they’ve never tried before, to see if they’ll be into it – but if the answer is no, any dom worth their salt will accept that completely and unequivocally. If it’s a dealbreaker for them – like if they have one primary fetish and their sexual relationships just aren’t complete without it – they have the right to communicate that, so the two of you can make decisions accordingly. But they should never make you feel pressured to participate, and moreover, you are not a bad submissive if you can’t or won’t get onboard with what they’re proposing. It just means you may not be compatible and should likely go your separate ways.

If anyone ever tells you you’re a bad submissive, a) they’re an asshole and b) they probably just mean you’re not a well-suited submissive for them. This is every bit as weird and shitty as telling someone they have bad taste in food just because you don’t like their favorite dish. Like, first of all, who asked you? And secondly, why are you under the impression that your highly subjective opinion is objectively correct?!

To continue the food metaphor, the list of activities dominants and submissives can explore together is a colossal buffet, and you don’t have to like every dish on the menu. In fact, it’s pretty unlikely that you will. Just skip over the ones you don’t like!

Beware of any dom who, when you mention that you don’t like [x], gets huffy or argumentative. Yes, sometimes it can be disappointing to hear that the hot new person you’re into doesn’t like doing your favorite thing, and yes, sometimes a dom might be a little sad upon hearing that news. But any attempt to sway your answer is edging into manipulation territory, and that’s just not cool. I think saying “You’re a bad submissive” is often a last-ditch attempt to shame someone into doing certain things, and it should be seen as such: an abusive falsehood, not a damning proclamation.

When you think about dominants you’ve known, I bet you don’t mentally sort them into “good doms” and “bad doms” based solely on what they did and didn’t like. Maybe that guy who adored chain bondage or that goddess who loved cake-sitting didn’t turn your crank, but that doesn’t mean they were bad doms. The same is true for you: your boundaries are valid, you don’t owe anyone explanations about your preferred palette of kink activities, and your incompatibility with certain people is not a statement about your overall value.

I spent years feeling like a shitty submissive because I didn’t make pretty-enough faces while getting whipped, or couldn’t hold certain positions for long periods of time, or sometimes spaced and forgot to do the kinds of pre-emptive service my doms may have preferred. But in my current dynamic, my partner makes me feel every day like I’m the best submissive in the world – or, more importantly, the best submissive for them. We play to each other’s strengths, and don’t push each other’s boundaries (except in the fun, consensual way!). Just as they make me feel like a stellar submissive, I work hard to let them know that they’re an incredible dominant – not just in general, but for me. That’s what matters in a D/s dynamic, and anyone who tells you otherwise probably isn’t fun to play with anyway.

Submissive babes, I love you, I see you, and I want you to be happy. And an important part of that journey is recognizing that you’re a good submissive, for somebody, even if that somebody isn’t currently in your life. The more you accept and broadcast the unique fingerprint of your yeses and no’s, the closer you’ll get to meeting someone whose list matches yours. And then you’ll get to feel like the very, very good submissive that you are. 💖

But also? You’re a good submissive even if you don’t have a partner. You’re a good submissive even if you never have a partner. You’re a good submissive because, just by virtue of identifying as a submissive, you’ve taken the time to figure out who you are and what you want, to some extent. Your self-knowledge is beautiful, and inspirational, and revelatory, and – guess what? – good.

5 Kinky Ways to Use a Fleshlight

Kate Sloan

If I had my way, I would buy a Fleshlight for every dick-possessing person I ever date. I can’t definitively say that they’re the best strokers on the market, seeing as I don’t have a penis and wouldn’t be able to exhaustively test the whole field even if I did, but they’re definitely the best-known brand making this type of product. They’ve done a lot, in and of themselves, to both destigmatize the idea of men masturbating and make masturbation more pleasurable for folks with penises, and that’s worth celebrating.

However, you know me – I’m a pervert. So here is a list of ways you can use your Fleshlight to do some very kinky shit.

 

Forced orgasm play

The term “forced orgasm” is often used about people with vulvas, but dicks can certainly be “forced” to come, too, whether you prefer to call this process “cock-milking” or some other colorful phrase of your choosing. There are certain attachments and tools that enable a Fleshlight to stroke up and down all on its own (see this Fleshlight Launch review for one example) but you can also just do it manually, ideally to a partner who is tied down or otherwise immobilized and cannot fight the onslaught of pleasure you’re giving them. 😈

 

Cum-eating

Avert your eyes if you’ve got a sensitive stomach… Eating cum – whether it’s your own or that of a partner – is a biiiig fetish for many people. Sometimes it’s linked to humiliation, since consuming bodily fluids can be “degrading” if you choose to view it as such, but sometimes it’s just framed as an act of worship: slurping down someone’s semen sure demonstrates how much you revere that person and what comes out of them! You may be able to scoop or pour the cum out of your Fleshlight if it’s fresh, or you could mix it with a little water to make it easier to, um, imbibe.

 

Oral sex practice

Do you have a fantasy about being so submissive that you’re not allowed to come before you’ve satisfied your partner? You don’t actually have to have a partner present to act out some form of this scenario. Some Fleshlights are made to look hyper-realistic on the outside (check out this review of the available Fleshlight Girls sleeves to see what I mean), so you can lick and suck your imagined partner’s bits to your heart’s content before you allow yourself to use the toy in the more conventional way.

 

Exhibitionism & voyeurism

Fleshlight makes a line of translucent-bordering-on-transparent products which I, for one, find highly tantalizing to watch in action. You get to see the cock therein as it gets harder and perhaps comes inside the toy – yum. Whether you’re watching your partner jerk off or just enjoying the sight of your own anatomy and arousal, this might just be the best show in town!

 

Rewards & punishments

If you’re into chastity play, maybe your partner could keep your Fleshlight under lock and key so you only get to use it when you’ve earned an orgasm by enduring a certain amount of abstinence. Or maybe, on the flipside, it could be an erotically humiliating punishment to “have to” use a Fleshlight to get off if your dominant partner won’t deign to offer up their own orifices. Either offer could be plenty motivating!

Even the purchasing of a stroker itself can be a reward in the context of a kink scene (or, if you wanna be extra creative, a punishment). For instance, my partner and I once had a long-running “scene” of sorts, in which they could eventually earn the right to buy themselves a very pricey sex toy by completing a bunch of tasks in several different categories. These encompassed everything from self-care (e.g. get a manicure, learn a new makeup technique from a YouTube tutorial) to financial or moral tasks (e.g. donate money to a particular political organization, make calls on behalf of a progressive political campaign to help sway an important vote) to service-oriented tasks (e.g. update my website, send me dinner) to more directly sexual tasks (e.g. make me come 5 times). You can look through a website that sells Fleshlights together, such as JOUJOU Adult Toys, and gently tease them about how you’re planning on using the toy when it finally arrives… which will make it all the more sweet and exciting when the stroker finally shows up on your doorstep, ready to be co-opted for all your various nefarious plans and schemes. [insert evil dom laugh here]

 

Do you ever use strokers in kinky ways? How so?

 

This post was sponsored by MySexToyGuide.com – check out their guide on how to find the best Fleshlight! – and also contains an additional sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.