emily nagoski

How to Do Solo Foreplay

Kate Sloan

Many of my sex educator friends despise the term “foreplay.” The way it’s traditionally used, it refers to any sexual activities that precede intercourse, from kissing to dry-humping to oral sex. This definition is problematic for so many reasons: it leaves out queer and trans people, as well as people who can’t or don’t want to have penetrative sex (for reasons medical, psychological, and otherwise), while devaluing and de-emphasizing sex acts that many people enjoy and find wholly satisfying all on their own. (My sex life, for one, is deeply enriched by self-contained oral sex sessions!) This conception of foreplay also implies that sex is a scripted endeavor that must unfold in a particular order without deviation. Overall, it leaves a lot of people unsatisfied and forgotten.

While many high school teachers forbid their students from using Wikipedia as a source for assignments, I’m a grown-up so I can quote Wiki as much as I like, and their definition of foreplay, being crowd-sourced, is pleasingly inclusive: “Foreplay is a set of emotionally and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity. Although foreplay is typically understood as physical sexual activity, nonphysical activities, such as mental or verbal acts, may in some contexts be foreplay. Foreplay can mean different things to different people.” (Emphasis mine.) YES, Wikipedia!! This is the definition I want you to keep in mind as you read this post.

I’m enthralled by foreplay as a concept, particularly since reading Emily Nagoski’s book Come As You Are a few years ago and learning that I have what’s called “responsive desire”: I usually don’t get turned on until sexual stimulation – physical, mental, or ideally both – is already happening. Nagoski posits in her book that women’s desire is likelier to be responsive, while men’s is likelier to arise more spontaneously – though these are, of course, just over-arching trends and not set-in-stone rules. But maybe these tendencies are to blame for the cultural perception that foreplay is something women need and that men could take or leave. Nothing is ever that simple when it comes to sexuality (and where the hell does that narrative leave trans and non-binary people?!).

In any case, today we’re going to talk about solo foreplay, i.e. providing yourself with your own foreplay. The way I see it, there are 3 main reasons a person might like to do this:

  1. As a prelude to masturbation, to make it more pleasurable, decadent, romantic, momentous, etc., rather than just hopping into the action immediately.
  2. As a replacement for foreplay with your partner, perhaps because the foreplay you do with them is unsatisfactory in some way (in which case, I would recommend discussing that with them when you feel able to do so), because you have a limited time window in which to have sex with them (e.g. the 20 minutes between them getting home from work and the two of you having to leave for a family function) and you want to make the most of it, or because you’re feeling submissive and have been commanded (or have offered) to get yourself turned on before your partner arrives, so they can “use you.” 😏
  3. As a supplement to foreplay with your partner, to make the whole sexual encounter more pleasurable and exciting for you.

Whatever your reasons for actively turning yourself on, having the ability to do so can feel highly empowering – especially for people who have been socialized to believe that their arousal is someone else’s job to conjure up. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be, and you’re denying yourself a vast range of wonderful experiences if you depend solely on your partner to get you revved up!

With that in mind, here are some suggestions for ways you can stoke your own fire, so to speak:

Eliminate stressors, as much as possible. Stress has an actual physiological effect on your ability to get aroused, so – while you may not be able to tune out every little thing that’s making you anxious or sad – try to set the stage for a stress-free session of sensuality. I find that even just tidying up my room, putting on some relaxing music, and turning off my phone can help me breathe a sigh of sweet relief.

Fantasize. Let your inner perversions run wild! Recall a sexy memory. Imagine fucking your favorite fictional character. If you’re planning to have sex later, this step could be as simple as vividly picturing (or even sexting about) what you hope will happen. See where your dirty mind takes you!

Watch porn or read erotica. This is my go-to when I just don’t have the focus, energy, or creativity for fantasizing. If you’re nerdy like me, you may even want to start keeping a document or spreadsheet of the links that turn you on the most – whether they’re amateur blowjob clips, hypno erotica, or Brooklyn Nine-Nine fanfiction – so you can return to them whenever you need a reliable libido boost.

Use an arousal gel. These are topical products meant to be applied to the genitals (they are usually designed for clits, but can feel good on penises too!) to encourage bloodflow to the area through the use of mild tingling or warming ingredients. Promescent’s Female Arousal Gel, for instance, contains peppermint, which will certainly get your blood pumping! I find that these make me more sensitive, too, often resulting in longer and stronger orgasms.

Touch yourself, even just non-sexually (although sexual touch is lovely too!). Massage your aching muscles with a wand vibrator. Moisturize your whole body while gently kneading out the knots of tension. Grab a good lube and massage your nipples, the area around your genitals, and your genitals themselves – slowly and methodically, noticing how everything feels.

Try a little pain. This is totally optional, since not everyone finds pain sexy, but it can encourage bloodflow and greater sensitivity, so it’s worth a shot! You can slap, scratch, or pinch your skin, or experiment with nipple clamps, Wartenberg wheels, and other instruments of sadomasochism. Straight-up pleasure is nice, but pain can feel delicious too!

And finally… Don’t put pressure on yourself to get super turned on, or have an orgasm, or look hot while doing it, or anything. The traditional concept of foreplay paints it as a goal-oriented on-ramp, but sometimes it can just be play. If it leads to more, great! If not, great! Solo play is about getting in touch with your own body and your own pleasure, however that manifests for you.

Do you ever do your own foreplay? What are your favorite methods?

 

This post was sponsored by the wonderful folks at Promescent, who recently released a new collection of lubricants as well as a pepperminty arousal gel that I think lots of you would enjoy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Underrated Measures of Compatibility

Kate Sloan

I’m not sure I really know anything about compatibility. I’ve only been in 2-3 relationships I would consider “long-term” in all my 27 years, so I’m maybe not the best person to advise you on what works. But I do know a lot about what doesn’t work, having lived through my fair share of disastrous relationships destined to fail. (Bleak? Yes. True? Also yes.)

You hear a lot in sex/dating media about well-known measures of compatibility: sharing similar interests, for example, or being able to make each other laugh. But here I present to you, for your consideration, 5 measures of compatibility that I think are under-discussed, rarely understood, and deceptively important…

Sexual desire style. Disregard this point if sex isn’t part of your relationship, but if it is: have you heard of responsive desire? Brought into popular consciousness through Emily Nagoski’s excellent book Come As You Are, responsive desire is a way of wanting sex that differs from our culture’s usual “lightning bolt to the genitals” understanding of how the sex drive works. “Instead of emerging in anticipation of sexual pleasure, like spontaneous desire,” Nagoski explains, “responsive desire emerges in response to sexual pleasure.” In other words, instead of wanting sex and then going to get it, folks whose desire is responsive often need to encounter sexual stimuli (dirty talk, porn, erotica, sexual touching, etc.) before they become aroused and start wanting sex.

Learning about this was revelatory for me, and many other folks who may have felt broken for seldom craving sex out of the blue. But here’s where compatibility comes in: I prefer to date and fuck folks whose desire style is closer to the “spontaneous” end of the spectrum, because when I date another responsive-desire person, sexual initiation can feel like the dreaded “Where should we go for dinner?” conversation: “Where do you want to go?” “Well, where do you want to go?” A person whose desire is spontaneous, to continue the metaphor, is likelier to say, “Here’s where I want to go. What say you?”

This is not to say you can’t date another responsive-desire person if that’s how you operate; it may just mean you both have to take a more proactive approach to purposely arousing each other (and yourselves) rather than waiting for someone else to bestow arousal upon you.

Decisiveness vs. indecision. Speaking of the “Where should we go for dinner?” conversation… I am a chronically indecisive person in many areas of life, partly owing to just lacking confidence in my own choices and tastes. It’s no secret that I’m submissive, so I like to be bossed around in bed, but I also find it affirming to be (consensually) bossed around by certain people outside of the bedroom. Weirdly, it’s a way they can show me they care.

My boyfriend, for example, is the type of person who loves making plans and being in charge of things. When he does a good job of this, he feels accomplished and proud. So he’s a good match for someone like me. When he plans a date night for us – makes reservations, gets us there on time, helps me choose what to order – I feel deeply loved and taken care of, while he enjoys the satisfaction of knowing he took care of me in that way.

Compatibility is about more than what you can do for each other; it’s also about what you enjoy doing for each other. If I was dating someone who was willing to make these types of plans but found it tiresome, each outing of this type would just drive us further apart and foster resentment – but because my partner enjoys making the exact kinds of decisions I don’t enjoy making, this interaction just brings us closer every time it happens.

Communication preferences. You’ve probably heard of the love languages. It’s an oversimplification of human psychology, perhaps, but it’s also a useful framework for understanding how to communicate with your partner.

I’ve dated people before whose love language was quality time, or acts of service, or gifts – and while all of those things are lovely, my most significant love languages are words and touch, so if I’m not getting those things in abundance, I don’t feel fully loved. It is possible to adjust your communication style to better suit a partner who differs from you in this way, but not everyone is willing or able to put in the psychological and logistical work required to make that shift.

Along similar lines, I’ve dated people before who didn’t like to text a lot when we were apart, or who answered my carefully-crafted messages with monosyllabic apathy, and that doesn’t work for me either. Communication is a huge part of what allows relationships to function smoothly and healthily, so if you and your partner have incompatible communication styles or preferences, it could become a major sticking point if it hasn’t already.

Coping strategies. What do you do when you’re stressed, sick, or depressed? How do you communicate at those times? What do you tend to want, need, and crave at those times – and what do you absolutely not want? Would your ideal partner give you support, or space? Would they bring you soup and sympathy, or would they back off and let you do your thing in peace?

While it’s useful to ponder these questions before they become relevant in a new relationship, often you won’t know quite how your stressful periods interact with your partners’ until you actually live through one together. It can be helpful to specifically ask for what you want – “Can you come over and cuddle me in silence for a while?” or “Sorry, I just need a few days to sort this out, but can we get dinner on Friday?” – but, depending on your partner’s own stress levels at that time, they may or may not be willing or able to give you what you’re asking for.

I learned this lesson the hard way when I had a boyfriend who suffered from intermittent depression, like me, but who needed altogether different things than I did when he was depressed. At those times, he craved emotional distance, lots of time alone to work through his feelings in private. He didn’t want kisses, or cuddles, or sex. But when I’m depressed, I usually want to be with the person/people I love, and get as close as possible, through both physically and non-physically intimate activities. Obviously, when we were both going through a tough time, we found each other pretty frustrating! Complementary needs in this regard are something I look out for now when assessing my potential compatibility with someone, because they can really make or break a relationship.

Relaxation activities. They say you don’t truly know whether you’re compatible with a partner until the two of you travel together. I think this is a good piece of wisdom, not only because travel can be stressful (see above) but also because vacationing together lets you see how your partner prefers to relax – which may be altogether different from how you prefer to do those things.

If you like to unwind by reading a book on the beach, but your partner wants to do the entire museum circuit, you may not be the best match – unless you’re able to happily go your separate ways and reconvene later on. This principle also applies to relaxation in your day-to-day, not just on vacation. If you need quiet time to recharge after a long day, but your partner needs to verbally unpack everything that happened to them and/or dance the day’s stress out at a club, you may not be the best fit – unless you can find ways to each get what you need, separately or together, without stepping on each other’s toes too much.

I often fondly reminisce on a Montreal trip I took with an adventurous, excitable friend. I expected her to drag me to historic sites and famous bagel shops – and she did, some of the time – but one afternoon, I told her I needed to recharge my introvert batteries and she suggested we go to a café with our books and journals and just sit in silence for a few hours, sipping coffee and chilling out. It was one of the most blissful experiences I’ve ever had on a vacation, and all because we were able to find common ground in how we chose to relax.

Which measures of compatibility do you consider important in a partner or friend?

Monthly Faves: Submission, Scents, & Psychology

Kate Sloan

What a lovely month in my sex life! My spreadsheet is a-burstin’. Here’s some of what went on in April…

Sex toys

• The Doxy #3 continues to be a fave. I went on yet another New York jaunt this month and appreciated, once again, this li’l wand’s portability and lightness compared to its bigger, bulkier brothers.

• I was lucky enough this month to receive a strap-on blowjob from a beautiful boy. I wore my raspberry-pink Aslan Leather Jaguar harness and my sparkly pink Godemiche Ambit. They made quite a gorgeous image, especially in combination with the mouth of one of my favorite people.

• After only trying The Butters lube on my own bits, it was a fun revelation to try it on someone else’s. It makes for excellent handjobs!

Fantasy fodder

• Lately I’m swoonin’ extra hard about my meta-kink for someone knowing exactly how to turn me on and make me come. (What would you call this, anyway? I have it listed on my FetLife profile as “you knowing exactly what I need” but I’m not 100% happy with that label.) Some recent quotes from my boyfriend that exemplify this perfectly and have been haunting my fantasy-brain: “I always want to get better at knowing the best ways to dom you and fuck you.” “I love being so good at you and learning what makes you tick even more deeply.” “Is that gonna make you come, if I keep fucking you nice and deep like that?” 😍

• Teasing and edging submissive boys is fuuun. I’m nowhere near a dyed-in-the-wool domme, so this isn’t something I’d want to do every day, but when it’s right, it’s sooo right.

Sexcetera

• I just got back from the AltSex conference! Lots of fascinating stuff about kink psychology this year – most interestingly to me, Petra Zebroff and Pega Ren‘s talk on what motivates doms and subs to take on their respective roles, and Samuel Hughes‘ talk on kink identity development. I took lots of notes and will be ponderin’ and implementin’ some of what I learned!

• I was invited back to the Bed Post variety show to play some sexy ukulele tunes, and it was so much fun! Sharing a bill with the delightful Erin Pim and her merry band of sex-positive weirdos is always a joy.

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I wrote a piece for Cosmopolitan (!!) about the sex therapy concept of “sensate focus” and how it can apply to blowjobs. On our podcast, Bex and I answered common questions people ask sex educators, interviewed Dawn Serra and Mx Nillin, and got delightfully high on 4/20.

Media

• I’m loving Alina Baraz‘s new EP, The Color of You. I’ve profiled her music before (here, here, and here) because she makes some of the sexiest slow-jams in the biz, and that’s still true.

• Did you know that Emily Nagoski, of Come As You Are fame, also writes romance novels under the pseudonym Emily Foster? I devoured both of them this month and they reminded me exactly how clever and thrilling the romance genre can be. Having a super-smart and likeable female protagonist sure helps!

• Clementine Morrigan’s new zine “I Want You to Fuck Me” is a straightforward, plain-language statement of their sexual desires, boundaries, needs, and best practices. It’s only 10 pages long but it got me thinking about what my own wants and needs are and how I can optimally assert them when necessary. (If you’re interested in this kind of thing, you also need Bex’s Yes/No/Maybe list in your life!)

Femme stuff

• My boyfriend got me a birthday gift unlike anything I’ve ever received before: he commissioned Stephen Dirkes of Euphorium Brooklyn to make me a custom fragrance. SWOON! It’s called Aimanté and it’s feminine and sexy and complex. Should I write a whole blog post sometime about the process, my thoughts on the scent, etc.? Let me know in the comments…

• Shout-out to MeUndies for making the comfiest lounge pants I’ve ever owned. I have a pair in red and black plaid and a pair in plain black, and they are majorly important to my free-‘n’-easy freelancer/lackadaisical layabout wardrobe.

• GlamGlow makes a tinted lip balm called PoutMud which was on sale at Sephora when I placed an order there this month, so of course, I snapped one up in red. It’s got a slight minty tingle and a beautiful tint, so I’ve been wearing it a lot.

Little things

My darlin’ sending me flowers because I was depressed (and making a subtle Sweeney Todd reference in the attached note; what a nerd). Seeing Anais sing opera in a “Fluevog shoebox” of a concert hall (and Henry shouting, “Iconic!”). Collecting romantic memorabilia in the back pocket of my Moleskine. Improvisors making a tweet of mine into a hilarious scene (and then apologizing to me for it afterward). Pink and blue Blackwing pencils. Cam shows with respectful clients. Nerding out over vocabulary with my love. Beautiful cocktails at so many luxe places: Northwood, Mulberry, Maysville, Eleven Madison Park, and more. How lovely you tend to look in photos taken by someone who loves you. “I am generally known, where I am known, as one cool, collected queen.” Fancy chocolate. Useful attitude adjustments and meta-communication tricks that make relationships more harmonious. Bow-shaped gingerbread cookies in a heart-eyes emoji mug from Bex. Seeing my little brother open for Kate Nash at the Mod Club. Following along with Caitlin‘s updates from her training with Betty Martin (creator of the Wheel of Consent). Sir requesting a guitar in our hotel room so I could serenade him. The portmanteau “meetamour” (and the meetamour itself). Repairing the damage done by nonconsensual touch with consensual touch.

How (and Where) Do You Blog?

Kate Sloan

Lately I’ve been fascinated with writers’ and bloggers’ daily work routines, workspaces, and anything and everything that helps them Get Stuff Done. (I’m reading The New New Journalism and it’s full of info like this, FYI! You might like it if you’re similarly geeky.)

I thought I’d make a survey that other bloggers can copy and paste into their blog and answer the questions themselves. Please do! I’d love to hear how and where you work. If you do the survey, how ‘bout hashtagging it on Twitter with #HowIBlog so we can find it more easily?

And now, without further ado…

Do you have a workspace? What does it look like?

See above. I recently got a proper desk for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE (?!); previously I had always worked from bed, coffee shops, or with my laptop sitting on the kitchen table or on my lap while I sat in any random spot of my choosing. Now I have an actual area in which to work, and the exhilaration is intense!

I keep a variety of pens, markers and highlighters in a Museum of Sex mug that says “Sex makes me thirsty” in cute script. I have a black woven basket full of journalism reference books and all the other books I’m supposed to read this semester. Right next to my computer, I keep a to-do list that’s categorized into sections (each class I’m taking is a section, and “blog/writing” is its own category). I also keep two index cards, one for blog post ideas and one for story ideas I plan on eventually pitching to magazines, websites, etc.

There are lots of extra notebooks and index cards in my desk drawers so I’ll always have paper to quickly grab if I need to make a note of an idea. There’s a small bulletin board over the desk that I’ve loaded up with images that inspire me and make me happy (e.g. pictures of my current crush, my friends, and myself when I looked my cutest). And because I’m ultra new-age-y, I’ve also got a small collection of crystals that are said to enhance writerly powers. (Incase you’re wondering, they are as follows: sodalite for inner peace and endurance, carnelian for energy and humor, tiger eye for confidence and creativity, chalcedony for dissipating negative energy, rhodochrosite for compassion and creativity, jade for love and wealth, kyanite for tranquility and intuition, black tourmaline for luck and happiness, and citrine for wealth and clarity. Phew!)

Where do you go to look for ideas? Where do your ideas come from?

I read the news and keep an eye on social media, where I follow lots of folks who work and write in the same field as me. I subscribe to a few Reddit subforums that deal heavily or exclusively with sex, so new ideas and concepts are often brought to my attention there. I read books, articles and websites about sex. I spend a lot of time thinking about sex, journaling about it, and talking to friends and family about it, all of which brings up new things I might not have otherwise thought of.

What’s the process you go through to turn an idea into a finished post?

When I first get an idea, and I think it’s a good one, I write it down on my little ongoing blog ideas index card if I don’t have time to work on it right away or if I feel I need to think about it and flesh it out more before I get started on it. Then I mull it over for a few days or weeks, and usually the idea becomes more fully formed the more that I think about it. Sometimes I have epiphanies in my sleep, or while doing something mundane like washing my body in the bath or walking to class, because the repetitive motion kicks my creative brain into gear.

Sometimes, if I like an idea but can’t seem to unify it in my head, I’ll run it by a friend and see what they have to say about it. Explaining an idea out loud can help make it more coherent, and my smart, sex-positive friends always have interesting suggestions and perspectives.

If, however, I feel like an idea is ready to be made into a post right away, and I have the time to do it, I get started immediately. (This post was one of those!)

How long does it take you to write a post once you’ve got the idea?

I’ve always been a pretty fast writer – it’s one of my saving graces at journalism school, actually, where time management looms large – so I can get a post done in 45 minutes to an hour, most times. After that, I edit it, have a look at the preview of how it’ll appear when it’s on my blog’s homepage, make sure everything is A-OK, and then hit publish (or queue).

Reviews can take me a bit longer because sometimes I’ll get halfway through a review and realize I’ve forgotten to test certain functions or uses of the toy, and need to do additional testing before finishing the post.

How do you prepare your work environment (and yourself) to create maximum productivity and focus?

If I have the time and it’s feasible for me, I like to have a massive caffeinated drink before and during my blog work. Caffeine really helps stimulate my creativity and it gets me very excited about whatever I’m working on. Sometimes I’ll schlep my laptop to a coffee shop to work, partly so I’ll have close access to coffee and partly because the bustling atmosphere helps me focus. (Coffitivity is a useful tool for replicating this effect at home, if you’re interested!)

If I’m at my desk at home, I like to put on music while I work. Usually I go for something instrumental and minimally distracting, like Chris Thile playing Bach on the mandolin or the string quartet tribute to Death Cab For Cutie. Sometimes I open up sound effect websites, like the aforementioned Coffitivity or Rainy Mood, and either layer them with music or just listen to them alone.

I like my desk to be relatively clear when I work, so I can focus. Any clutter must be beautiful/inspiring clutter.

My “writing clothes” have to be super comfortable so they don’t distract me. In the summertime I wore a lot of oversized tank tops (I bought mine in a unisex size large so they’re basically dresses on me) because they’re comfy and unrestrictive, but now that it’s getting colder, you’ll more often find me writing in sweaters, leggings and shearling slippers. Basically anything that allows me to focus on my thoughts and my words instead of my body. And ideally something that allows for quick genital access if need be; wink wink.

What daily or regular practices do you do to improve your writing?

I am a huge fan of Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way books, and in particular, the morning pages exercise she suggests. I don’t always have the time or energy to keep up with my daily morning pages, but when I do, I find that I’m so much more creative, decisive, and productive. It’s truly astonishing.

I write in a journal almost every day, just recording what happened in my life and how I feel about it, and I think that practice has improved my writing enormously, simply because the more you write, the better you get. Putting feelings into words can be a particularly challenging task, so in some ways, writing about sex toys feels like a walk in the park after that!

I also make a habit of reading books on writing (Bird by Bird and The Elements of Style are two recent ones I’ve enjoyed) and making sure to read a fuckton of other people’s writing – not just in the genre I write for (primarily sex-related nonfiction), but in lots of other genres too. The more you read, the better you write.

I also like to go for long, thoughtful walks – another Julia Cameron recommendation. If I’m stuck and can’t seem to “give birth to” a post or article (for lack of a better phrase), a walk often unsticks my brain. Sometimes I just keep walking until the issue resolves itself, even if that means I go for a longer walk than I normally would. Divine inspiration always seems to strike eventually.

What rules (if any) do you always follow when you write? What rules (if any) do you break?

I follow spelling and grammar rules to the best of my ability, unless I’m breaking them purposely to achieve a particular effect.

I always try to make my first sentence interesting and attention-grabbing. It’s my journalistic background.

I hold myself to a very high standard when it comes to being non-judgmental and anti-oppressive. I do my best to make sure my posts don’t contain anything that could make someone feel shitty about themselves, whether that’s due to feeling shamed for something they like in bed or feeling excluded based on their identity or anything else.

In reviews, I often break the “rule” that you have to include a plethora of technical information about a toy, like how it charges, how long the charge lasts, what the toy’s buttons or controls are like, how to clean and care for the toy’s material, etc. I tend to only include that information if it’s notable and I want to comment on it for one reason or another. I figure folks can always Google for that information and they’ve come to my blog to hear what I think about how the toy feels.

What other writers (of any genre or medium) do you admire, and why?

In the sex blogging realm: Epiphora for her hilarious and inventive descriptions of sex toys and their sensations. Lilly for her well-researched and sometimes delightfully ranty posts. Redhead Bedhead because her blog is a mishmash of mental, emotional, and physical approaches to sexuality (which is kind of what I try to do here, too). Emily Nagoski because she is soooo non-judgmental and her approach is scientific but compassionate.

In the world of nonfiction: I love Rachel Rabbit White’s sex journalism. (I actually interviewed her for a first-year journalism school project where we had to talk to a journalist we admire. I was so shy and starstruck but she was very sweet to me.) I like Augusten Burroughs’ dark, biting wit and interesting way of looking at the world. I love Gala Darling’s bubbly, carefree tone and her take on self-love.

Fiction: J. K. Rowling and Veronica Roth (young adult fiction is hard and they get it right). Will Ferguson (hilarious, but dark and deep sometimes too). Emma Donoghue (read Room; trust me on this one). Stephen King (a true, great storyteller; I’m obsessed with The Stand and Under the Dome).

Other genres: I dig poetry by Charles Bukowski and Richard Brautigan. Stephen Sondheim is the best lyricist I know of, living or dead.

So? Are you going to answer these questions on your own blog? Make sure to use the #HowIBlog hashtag if you tweet your post!