WIshlist: January 2014

My sex toy collection is well above 100 toys now, and there’s still stuff I want. Folks, the obsession is real. Here are some toys I’m lusting after at the moment…

1. Limited-edition crystallized BodyWand – I have my doubts that the rechargeable BodyWands could be as strong/good as my electric one, but this blinged-out wand massager is cute and quirky and that makes me want to overlook its potential problems in other areas. Who doesn’t want a sparkly vibrator?!

2. Eroscillator 2 Top Deluxe – My Eroscillator 2 Plus is still my all-time favorite sex toy, almost 2 years after I first reviewed it. If it ever breaks, or if I ever mysteriously come across an extra $200 that I have no other use for (ha!), you can bet I’ll snap up the more powerful version, the Top Deluxe. The original Eroscillator leaves nothing to be desired in terms of power, if you ask me (or my clit), but as a diehard Eroscillator fan, I always want more, more, more!

3. Jopen Comet II – The original Comet was a shockingly intense (non-vibrating) G-spot toy, and now Jopen’s released a sequel that vibrates, for those who like a little rumbling alongside their knee-weakening G-spot stimulation. I figure, even if I don’t like the vibrations (which I probably will), it wouldn’t hurt to have a spare Comet Wand around.

4. Liberator Throe – I can imagine few things more luxurious than owning a blanket specifically for sex. While I don’t squirt (yet?), I still think it would be wonderful to have something soft and absorbent under me during sex to catch any errant lube, sexual fluids, or menstrual blood. My bed has enough stains as is, thank you very much. (Is that TMI? …Too bad, this is a sex blog!)

5. Vibratex Mystic Wand – How do I not have this already?! Tons of people rave about it. Betty Dodson even provides each of her Bodysex workshop participants with one of these for their “erotic recess.” Reviews seem to indicate that it’s one of the few Hitachi knockoffs that doesn’t suck. I need one!

What’s on your sex toy wishlist?

Review: Power VIP

Little information is available on the internet about the Power VIP vibrator. I got mine for $13 in JT’s Stockroom’s clearance section, where it’s known as the “Power Oscillator” – obviously intended to evoke my all-time favorite sex toy, the Eroscillator.

The toy arrived in an excessively large box which contained only the base unit and four attachments – no instructions. I looked up the toy’s distributor, Miko Exoticwear, hoping to get some information from them about the product’s origins and uses, but apparently Miko closed in 2008. I guess this explains why the Power VIP is listed as discontinued on many sites, and has ended up in the Stockroom clearance bin.

If you know a little about sex toys, you probably know that the Eroscillator is unparalleled. I don’t mean that it’s necessarily the greatest toy in the world – some people just don’t like it and don’t understand what the hype is about – but that there is truly no other toy like it. A few companies have attempted to make similar oscillating toys (oscillations, unlike vibrations, don’t cause numbness and tend to feel deeper), but these competitors have been massive failures. Naturally, the Power VIP is no different.

First off, the attachments. The box the toy came in (which is my only source of information about this product, given the lack of an instruction manual) says that they are made of a “hygienic fully washable material.” I have to wonder if this copywriter thought the only criteria for being hygienic is being washable; this is obviously a dysfunctional criteria, as even a rabid raccoon could be considered “hygienic” by these standards.

The attachments smell like horse manure. They seem to be made of some sort of rubber but I’m not sure. The strangest thing, though, is that none of the attachments are purportedly designed to be used on the clitoris. One of them is a “tongue” made for “all-over body massage,” one is a “plug” made for “vaginal and anal stimulation,” one is a “breast stimulator with nipple cup,” and one is intended for the G-spot. Surely this toy was designed by a man, one who is so out of touch with female anatomy and the sex toy world that he managed to completely forget about the clit.

My favorite attachment is the “plug.” It’s cylindrical and has little nubs all over it. I like it because it stimulates my entire clitoral shaft, and it seems to conduct the vibrations the best.

Did I say “vibrations”? Yes, I did. There’s no evidence that this toy actually oscillates. But, to its credit, it doesn’t actually claim to be an oscillator – only JT’s Stockroom slapped that label on it. The VIP’s box calls the toy a vibrator, so don’t be too disappointed that that’s exactly what it is.

The vibrations are, surprisingly, passable. There are only two settings, high and low. Low is laughably weak, but high is actually a nice speed that can bring me to orgasm in just a few minutes, rumbly enough that it doesn’t leave me numb.

The VIP is rechargeable, so you can’t expect the power of a plug-in vibrator, but it’s okay for what it is. But speaking of rechargeability… The VIP has a green light which turns on when it’s charging, but never seems to turn off. Even when I charge the damn thing for over 12 hours, that light remains on, so I never know if the toy is done charging or not. Needless to say, this is aggravating.

What little promotional material I’ve been able to find online about the Power VIP has claimed that it can last for up to 90 minutes on a charge (45 minutes on the high setting, which is the one I use 99% of the time). It’s certainly not going to break any records for best battery life, but it holds its charge pretty well when not in use.

While the Power VIP isn’t the worst vibrator I’ve ever used, I’m pissed that it’s advertised as an “oscillator” when it obviously can’t even live up to my love, let alone actually oscillate. Let this be a lesson to you, as if you didn’t already know: the clearance bin isn’t a good place to find the next toy that’ll rock your world.

Ask Girly Juice: The Best of the Best (So Far)

Julie asked: Do you actually use all/most of the toys in your collection? It seems like a lot to have to keep in constant rotation.

Oh boy! No, I definitely don’t use every toy I own on a regular basis. Some of them sucked right off the bat, so I retired them immediately after finishing my review; some were okay, but not remarkable, so they only get used when I’m in an eccentric mood; some I have given away to friends because I disliked them or just felt ambivalent about them.

Out of my collection of 80+ toys, only a few really get used more than once a month.

My most-used toy is indubitably the Eroscillator. It lives on my bedside table and is plugged in at all times, because it’s my go-to toy for masturbation and for when I want to reach orgasm while my partner is fucking me. It’s perfect and always gets the job done.

Some other favorite vibrators of mine are the We-Vibe Tango and Jimmyjane Form 2. These tend to hang out on my nightstand as well, or in my top drawer. And lately I’ve fallen in love with the Wahl all over again – it provides the most intense clitoral orgasms I’ve ever experienced from a toy. Hot damn!

As for dildos… The one I reach for the most is the Tantus Acute. I like it because it’s a surprisingly great G-spot toy and it’s also small enough that I don’t have to warm up to it. Last night I actually seriously considered buying a second Acute incase something ever happens to mine, heaven forbid.

Some other oft-used dildos of mine are the Pure Wand (of course), the VixSkin Mustang, and the Ophoria Beyond 3 (it’s discontinued! Boooo!). Lately I’ve also been enjoying the absurdly satisfying Jopen Comet Wand, though I think it might be a bit too girthy and firm to become a toy I use all the time.

And as far as anal toys go, the Pure Plugs definitely reign supreme. I started with the medium and recently upgraded to the large, and both are top-notch plugs that I wear at least once every couple of weeks.

Got a question you want me to answer on my blog? Tweet at me or leave a comment here!

Ask Girly Juice: A Non-Tickly Clitoral Vibe

Captain Placeholder asked: Hello, I love your blog and was hoping I could pick your brains. I’m planning to get a small clitoral vibrator for my girlfriend and I to use together (I’m male). She finds she all-too-easily flips from “nice” to “suddenly too tickly,“ meaning anything with a buzzy feel’s going to be a no-no. Is there anything you can recommend?

Certainly!

First of all, the rumbliest (i.e. non-buzziest) clitoral vibe I can think of is the We-Vibe Tango and its very similar sisters, the Salsa and Touch. They have a much lower-pitched vibration than most other clitoral vibes, meaning that the vibrations penetrate more deeply into the body, which can alleviate feelings of "tickliness.”

The only thing that makes me worry about recommending those is that they only have four speeds. I sometimes find that the jump between speeds is too broad and it’ll make me want to back off a little. If that sounds like it would be true of your girlfriend too, the Lelo Siri would be a good option. It’s fairly rumbly (not quite as rumbly as the We-Vibe toys, but not bad) and has 10 different speeds, so you can fine-tune your choice of vibration strength much more.

I recently got my hands on a Fun Factory vibe which, though it isn’t made for clitoral use, has amazingly rumbly vibrations that could certainly be used for clitoral purposes.

Finally, if you have the funds and the willingness to spend ‘em, you really can’t go past the Eroscillator for a fantastic clitoral toy. Though I will warn you that it needs to be plugged in and it’s not exactly portable nor attractive.

Hope that helps! Let us know how it goes!

Sex Toy Haikus

In lieu of doing individual follow-up posts, I think I’m going to start writing haikus to express how I currently feel about toys that I’ve reviewed before. Because sex toys are worthy of poetry.

Lelo Mia:
Sorry I haven’t
touched you in ages, Mia.
You’re not that special.

California Exotics Waterproof Jack Rabbit:
My first and only
jelly toy. I weep for my
burning vagina.

Eroscillator:
My clit is in love.
It’s a love that oscillates
from lust to worship.

Lelo Ella:
Warm-up toy supreme.
No one else opens me up
as sweetly as she.

Blossom Organics Natural Moisturizing Lubricant:
All lubes should be as
vag-friendly and simple as
this bedside staple.