If you want to know what the comfiest running shoes are, ask an athlete. If you want to know the best tea for a sore throat, ask a singer. And if you want to know the best ways to use a dildo, ask a sex toy reviewer. I’ve almost hit my Malcom Gladwell ten thousand hours on this shit!
I kid, I kid… There are infinite ways to use a dildo, none of which are any “better” or “worse” than any other, as long as you’re going about it consensually and safely (and hopefully with lots of lube!). But one thing I’ve learned in my 13+ years of reviewing sex toys professionally, which I’ll share with you incase it helps you, is this: Using a dildo is even more enjoyable when you pair it with a suitable fantasy.
In fact, that’s usually where I start, when I’m testing a dildo for a review. I have to get myself turned on and wet enough to use the toy, and I’ve found that the best way to do that is to devise a hot fantasy that’s related to that particular toy. You can always fantasize about whatever you like, of course, but I find a thematically relevant fantasy particularly effective!
So, courtesy of the lovely sponsor of this post, Epic Dildos, I’d like to tell you about a few of my favorite dildo-centric fantasies – and some dildos that would pair well with them!
Lemme level with ya… Once upon a time, I was known in my friend group as the gal who loved to orchestrate threesomes – which I enjoyed greatly! – but those days are behind me now. I’ve come to realize that one-on-one encounters are way more my speed.
That being said, I still have group sex fantasies on occasion – as do many other people; it’s consistently been found to be one of the most common fantasies, across gender lines. Mine are usually of a cuckold-y variety. To divulge one frequent example, I enjoy the thought of my partner going down on me while a “special guest star” fucks me, and I sometimes fantasize about this while receiving head from my partner (who explicitly encourages me to do so).
Naturally, this fantasy is particularly potent when I’m actually being penetrated – and realistic dildos are the best tool for the job. My very favorites in that category are all made by Vixen Creations and feature dual-density silicone, i.e. they have a firm silicone core encased in a squishier outer layer, for an ultra-realistic feel. The VixSkin Bandit is a personal favorite of mine and my partner’s; it’s plenty long enough to hit my A-spot, but not so ridiculously thick that I need extensive warm-up before using it. This dildo fucking rules.
If you’re not familiar with the term ‘omegaverse,’ let me get you up to speed: it’s a trope mostly found in fanfiction, wherein there are “alpha” humans and “omega” humans. Omegas can “go into heat” like animals, thereby attracting alphas. Like canine creatures, alphas have the ability to “knot” during sex, meaning that part of their shaft swells in such a way that their dick is essentially stuck inside their partner, until they ejaculate and let the knotting subside.
I’ve been called upon to review a number of canine-esque dildos over the course of my career, and I always seem to gravitate toward omegaverse fantasies when using them. There’s something so hot about the idea of someone being (consensually) trapped inside me by their own arousal, until they finally get off. And there are about a zillion knotted fantasy dildos on the market to go along with these thoughts.
This has been a fave of mine over the past year or so, for whatever reason… I’m intrigued by the idea of a dildo gaining sentience, at least enough to be able to feel pleasure. I like to imagine it being vaguely confused but also super aroused as I slowly push it into me and begin thrusting it in and out. Sometimes I even combine this one with my premature ejaculation kink and imagine that the dildo reaches orgasm too soon and has to push through its subsequent sensitivity as I continue to use it, oblivious to its suffering. 😈
One great thing about this fantasy is that it works with any and every dildo – so I’ll take the opportunity to shout out the Tantus Vamp, one of the first realistic dildos I adored when I started reviewing sex toys.
What are your favorite fantasies to pair with dildos? Feel free to let me know in the comments!
This post was sponsored by Epic Dildos, a site with excellent navigational tools for finding your dream dildo: you can shop by size, style, color, material, and more! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
Not sure if I have any pictures of me actually being flirted with, but this gleeful face is close enough!
One of the main reasons I’m non-monogamous is that nothing gets me high like flirting. And I say that as someone who does actual drugs on a near-daily basis. 😂
It’s not that flirting can’t or doesn’t happen in long-term relationships – my spouse and I flirt with each other often, and they still make me blush and giggle a LOT even after being together for over four years.
But neurochemically, there is something unique about flirting with someone who hasn’t already declared that they like you enough to be in a relationship with you, or to marry you, or whatever. The phrase “thrill of the chase” comes to mind but I don’t usually think of myself as chasing folks I flirt with; it’s more of a dance. And for me, one of the most fun parts of the dance is the part where you’re pretty sure the person likes you but neither of you have really said as much yet, so there’s a constant frisson of excitement in the air when you’re around them.
Romantic fantasies have been one of my favorite mental dalliances for basically as long as I’ve been alive, and still to this day, they are a coping mechanism for me when I’m dealing with chronic pain, fatigue, demotivation, and other effects of the fibromyalgia and depression I live with. Even when I’m feeling like absolute shit, lying in bed surrounded by pillows, breathing deeply with my eyes closed to try to get through the waves of pain and malaise, I can still picture what it would be like if [x crush] said [x romantic thing] to me – the way they would say it, how their face would look, how I would react – and it reliably makes me feel at least a little bit better.
The following sentences are “daydream porn” for me in this way. Try imagining your biggest unrequited(-so-far) crush saying them to you, in an intimate corner booth of a bar, or at a picnic in the park, or on your living room couch, or wherever. If you start smiling from ear to ear just thinking about it, then maybe you can use these types of fantasies as coping mechanisms during tough times, like I can. (I suppose this post is also a guide for how to flirt with me, but, um… that was not meant to be its initial and primary mission!)
1. “You know that I’m flirting with you, right? Okay, good.”
A few different people have said some version of this to me and it always fills me with glee. I know it can be controversial to talk about flirting in a “meta” way like this, because (for some people) much of the magic of flirting is its uncertainty, its delicate balance of “will they/won’t they?” But since I’m a nervous insecure socially anxious weirdo who spends at least some brainpower during every interaction wondering if the person I’m talking to actually even likes me, it can be incredibly validating to hear from someone’s own mouth that they are indeed flirting with me – that I’m not imagining it, that it isn’t the result of wishful thinking on my part but is actually real.
One time I played some songs at an event, one of which was my song “Addressee,” in which I confess that I often have a hard time interpreting flirtation as flirtation. The boy I was into at the time came up to me after my set, complimented my music, and said, “Just so we’re clear: I am always flirting with you.” It helped me feel safe enough in that dynamic to continue to flirt with him as hard as I had been, and even harder. *chef’s kiss*
2. “I am having a lot of fun flirting with you.”
Along similar lines, this one is lovely because it simultaneously acknowledges that flirting is happening, and affirms that the person is enjoying themselves. (Shout-out to Reid Mihalko, who I think was the first person to introduce me to the idea that meta-communication about flirting while it’s happening can be wildly hot and fun, and also helps clarify consent/comfort or a lack thereof.)
I especially like when this line is thrown out casually as the precursor to something else, so that it feels like a simple descriptor of what is going on, rather than a momentous confession (although, as the below examples will point out, I also find momentous confessions hot; they’re just not always the most socially appropriate thing). Like, for example, sometimes I’ve been talking to someone cute at a party and they’ll say, “Well, I’m having a lot of fun flirting with you, but I need to circulate and say hi to my friends. Can we pick this back up again later?” My cheeks are getting pink just thinking about it!!
3. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”
Throw me into a lake; I need to cool off, because this one is HOTTTT.
When I was actively dating, I always felt like this sentence was the early-dates equivalent of an initial “I love you.” It gave me the same level of “🥰 OMG 🥰” feelings every time a new person said it to me. I think this is partly because I am chronically obsessive when I have a crush on someone, always thinking about them a lot (sometimes more than I would like to!), so it felt wonderfully validating to know that I wasn’t the only one in that boat.
This one is also low-key sexy because there is usually an implication that some of those thoughts have been sexual. I often find myself responding “Oh yeah, like what kinds of thoughts?” before I even realize what I’m saying, because I get so curious. It’s a fantastic opener for a saucy convo about all the sex things you want to do to each other, but it can also be chastely romantic, a confession that the person’s feelings for you have become more than just a momentary interest.
4. “I am extremely attracted to you.”
It still baffles me a little whenever people are attracted to me so I guess I just like to hear it in explicit terms so I can be sure I’m not misinterpreting. It’s not necessary because it is often implied by other things they do or say – I mean, if someone kisses me passionately, or bites their lip when they first see me in the dress I wore to our date, then it’s safe to say they are attracted to me – but it’s still nice to get a clear confirmation one way or the other.
This is a little hard to talk about without sounding unfeminist or shallow or something, but I also find that “I’m attracted to you” can land better for me at times than “You’re so smart” or “You’re so funny,” etc., because if I feel like someone’s attraction to me is predicated entirely on me being smart or funny, then I can start to doubt myself a lot if I ever have a weird brain day around them where I’m not able to be as smart or as funny as I normally would be – like, are they gonna lose their boner for me because I didn’t pick up on their obscure pun before I’d had my coffee?! Obviously it’s still lovely to be complimented on my smarts or humor, but when someone admits that they are holistically attracted to me, it makes it a little easier for me to relax into the knowledge that they’ll continue to like me no matter what I do (within reason).
5. “I think you are hilarious and gorgeous and I was wondering if I could take you out sometime.”
As far as I’m concerned, this is the perfect date-ask. I’m not saying no other way of asking me out would get a “yes,” or that no other way would make me feel good. But I do think this is the basic formula of how I’d always like to be asked out.
Complimenting someone in a date-ask is always a good idea, especially if you can compliment them on specific things that 1) you value in them and 2) they value (or ought to value) in themselves. My insecure brain is prone to being like, “Okay, yes, they asked me out, but do they find me ATTRACTIVE?? Do they actually even LIKE ME??” so pre-emptive compliments help me relax and actually believe them. (I have been asked out as a joke before, more than once. It is not fun.)
I like “take you out” because it’s the sort of phrasing most people wouldn’t tend to use unless they were talking about a date. But using the word “date” is also wonderful because it’s clear. I used to literally just sit in my childhood bed picturing different people asking me if they could take me out on a date. Free dopamine. A+.
6. “I can’t stop thinking about how much I’d like to kiss you.”
Truly glad y’all can’t see me right now because writing this post is making me feel so blushy and romantic that I’m actually getting a little dizzy and light-headed!! Anyway, this is the best way to ask someone if you can kiss them, IMO.
I originally picked this up from Dan Savage, who says that “I really wanna kiss you right now” (or touch you, or fuck you, or whatever) is the best non-pushy way to 1) communicate your desire and 2) leave the other person an opportunity to either say yes or redirect the conversation. I like the addition of “I can’t stop thinking about” because it conveys enthusiasm, which (as you may have noticed) is a recurring theme in what I find romantically exciting.
Often, by the time someone says this, they will have already made it pretty clear in their body language – maybe moving closer to you, maybe staring intermittently at your lips throughout the conversation, or biting or licking their own – but it’s still nice to hear it. And if someone signals to me, even in an indirect way like this, that they care about consent and would never make a move without it, that’s super hot and makes me feel much safer around them.
7. “I’m finding myself really wanting to touch you right now. How would you feel about that?”
Replace “touch you” with whatever. I have had doms bring up spanking me in this way; I’ve had vanilla cuties bring up holding hands in this way; it’s just a sweet way of getting permission to break the touch barrier.
I understand that some people find it hot when touch is infused with such urgency and passion that the person doesn’t even ask before kissing you, touching you, etc. but I think that approach requires a high degree of competency with noticing nonverbal cues, “reading the room,” etc. and not everyone has that. I also just personally find a “slow burn” hotter. If someone asks if they can touch me, I’m going to take a moment to ponder their question, likely while picturing what their touch will feel like and what it might lead to. And that’s ultimately going to turn me on far more than if they just grabbed me. But that’s me, baby – talk to your person/people if you want to know how they feel about all this.
8. “I really hope I get to see you again soon.”
All of these, I’m realizing, are really just different ways of saying “I’m very into you and I want you to know that!” What can I say, I know what I like.
I know there is a lot of emphasis on “chill” in the dating world, and certainly, it has its place. You don’t want to burn too hot when the other person is behaving more coldly or ambivalently. But considering how much I fret after a date about whether I was cute enough or witty enough or fun enough, it absolutely makes my day when someone reaches out to say they enjoyed themselves and want to do it again sometime soon.
A slightly more proactive way of saying this – and one that conveys even more interest – would be to add something like, “Are you free next Friday night for [drinks/dinner/a comedy show/whatever]?” but that’s not always the right move, depending on the situation. Like, I wouldn’t necessarily want someone to immediately ask me out on a second date when we’ve barely finished our first one, because I usually like to take some time to process after a first date and figure out how I felt about it before I decide what I want to happen next. But getting that text a day or two after a first date, if we had been chatting via text in the interim, would work excellently for me, and makes me blushy to think about.
What sentences feature prominently in your romantic fantasies?
1. As a special gift – perhaps for a birthday or an anniversary – my partner hires an escort who is trained in the fine art of cunnilingus. While I lay there blindfolded, my partner gives explicit verbal instructions to our guest for the evening, first on how to tease and arouse me, and later on how to lick and suck my clit until I’m an incoherent wet mess.
Later that night, after our new friend has left, we lie in bed together eating ice cream and debriefing. I feel safe, supported, and loved.
2. I’m at an upscale lingerie store, staring longingly at a deep red lacy bra and its matching panties and garter belt. The price tags, when I glance at them, set off a spike of adrenaline in my body due to their sheer lunacy: $440 for the bra, $250 for the panties. I don’t even want to look at the price of the garter belt.
“Excuse me, miss,” says a random man I hadn’t noticed skulking in the stockings section. He’s tall and handsome in a nondescript way, like a detective in a film noir. “If you don’t mind me saying so, those would look wonderful on you, and it would be my honor to pay for them.” He holds out a credit card, golden and heavy, nodding toward the cash register, where the bored-looking sales clerk seems to already know this man’s M.O.
I smile coolly, take the card and the garments to the front, and tell the clerk, “These are on him.” My smirk makes him visibly tremble as he signs the sales receipt.
3. I submit an application to join a house of elite London escorts and subsequently find myself invited in for an interview. As it turns out, the “interview” is really a rigorous test of sexual technique, aimed at ascertaining my skill level so as to figure out how to price my services, or indeed, whether to hire me at all.
The house has invited some beloved regulars to be our test subjects for the day. Surrounded by other brothel hopefuls, I suck cock after cock, showing off my blowjob skills, possibly my greatest asset in this hiring process. After a particularly satisfying orgasm, one of the men says to the madam of the house, “You should hire this one – her tongue is magic,” and I glow with pleasure at the vaguely dehumanizing praise.
4. A client flies me out to his city for a long weekend date. As I climb out of the Uber he sent to the airport and begin dragging my suitcase up the steps to the fancy hotel where we’ll be staying, I get a text from him. Sorry, darling – something came up at work. Can we raincheck until next month? Make yourself comfortable and get whatever you’d like from room service, on me.
I smile serenely in the elevator, let myself into the clean white room with a shiny keycard, and collapse happily on the enormous bed. Later, I take a sex toy or two into the massive bathtub that overlooks the city, and get myself off decadently like no client ever could.
5. I catch the attention of an influential congressperson so as to pitch them on the importance of rights and protections for sex workers, they subsequently make an impassioned speech on the house floor, and every politician in attendance wipes tears from their eyes as they vote to repeal SESTA/FOSTA and decriminalize sex work permanently at the federal level.
Okay, that one isn’t so much a sexual fantasy… but it’s definitely something I ponder ardently from time to time.
Write to your local politicians and make it clear to them that you care about sex workers’ rights. Sign petitions, donate to SWOP Behind Bars and Red Light Legal, and advocate for people to respect and decriminalize sex work. People in that industry may be hot as hell, but they’re also human, and they’ve suffered more than their fare share of discrimination and stigmatization. It has to stop.
This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
Recently, sex doll company Tantaly reached out to me about doing a review. I asked my partner mb if they wanted to try a sex doll, and… of course they did! The one we picked is the Scarlett mini sex doll, and you can use the code GirlyJuice10 to get 10% off your entire order if you choose to buy Scarlett or any other doll on Tantaly’s site.
This isn’t a typical review; it’s a transcribed interview we did while mb was testing out the doll in various ways at my behest. So, be aware that there is sexual activity in this interview! I hope you enjoy…
mb: I looked at all of them, and there’s some weird things about the way that they’re sectioned on the website. The weirdest thing is that all of the ones that have Black skin are in a separate section that you don’t see by default, which is very strange and very weird. But they also separate full-size dolls from miniature ones. And I was thinking, I have a pretty small apartment and I don’t have a ton of room to store a human-sized object, so I looked at the miniature ones. I think this the best-reviewed or the most-purchased of those. Also, there are some that only have one entry hole, and I wanted to test one that had two at least.
Kate: How did you feel when the package arrived and you opened her up for the first time?
mb: Good question. Well, I live in a doorman building, so the first thing I felt was kind of like, Oh, it sucks that someone had to carry this 15-pound thing up to my apartment… They probably put it on a cart, but still I felt a little weird about that. And then I was like, well, could they tell it was a sex doll? They’re going to judge me every time I walk through my lobby. And I looked at the label on the box and I was like, no, it’s not obvious. Okay.
And then I was just curious. I was like, what’s it gonna feel like? Because I’d only seen pictures of a sex doll. I hadn’t really touched one before this, in a store or anything. So I didn’t knowexactly what it would be like. What did you think when it arrived?
Kate: Oh, I mean, she’s very tiny.
mb: Yes. That’s… yes. After I opened it, that was my thought too. The smallest.
Kate: Well, at least she’s proportional, so she doesn’t look like a toddler, which is what I was concerned about.
mb: I was also concerned about that. Yes. I looked at the pictures and I was like, am I going to feel like this is weird for that reason? And no, I don’t think so. I mean, some people might, and that’s fine, but definitely it seems like an adult, even though your brain has to do some kind of like weird thing where it’s like, this is not an adult-sized person, so your brain kind of maps a human body onto this tiny thing. And I think my brain does that fairly naturally, even though the belly button is the size of, like, the tip of my pinky, but, you know.
Kate: What were your expectations about how using the doll would make you feel, both physically and emotionally?
mb: I had no idea how it would feel emotionally. That’s what I was most curious about. Physically, I figured it would just feel like fucking something, but not like fucking a person. And it felt more like fucking a person than I thought it would.
Kate: In what sense?
mb: I think the main reason is I don’t fuck strokers in the same position that I would fuck a sex doll. So they feel more like masturbating just because of the… like, I’m lying on my back, and I’m like doing a thing with my hand, whereas if I’m proneand like, fucking something, that feels different, just qualitatively, and I’m feeling a skin-like texture against me at the same time. With the visual, it all combines into a different feeling from a stroker.
Kate: Yeah. I was going to ask you, when would you tend to choose a sex doll over a stroker, or a stroker over a sex doll?
mb: If I was with a partner and I wanted to use a toy, I’d probably pick a stroker, unless there was some fantasy element where the sex doll came into play, like a threesome or a cuckolding scene or something. If I was by myself, I would pick a stroker if I was going for “quick and easy,” if I didn’t want to lug something out and have to clean it out in the sink afterward and the whole thing. But if I was missing human connection and I was alone and I had time, then I would use the doll, I think.
Kate: Can you go down on her a little bit?
[mb performs cunnilingus on the doll]
Kate: How would you compare this to the real thing, as a fan of cunnilingus?
mb: Hmm. Well, you can feel all the parts of the vulva, which is great. You don’t get any reactions, obviously, so you have to be able to imagine the reactions, which I can – or not care about them, I suppose. The textures are right. The taste is obviously not, since it’s not human skin so it’s not going to taste like that. And the smell is not right, but it’s not distracting or bothersome either. It’s totally fine. It’s the best version of fantasizing about oral sex that I’ve had, ’cause you’re in the right position and you have all the parts and all the parts feel like the right size and shape and they’re in the right spots. So that’s very helpful for constructing that fantasy.
Kate: Yeah. I was going to ask you, would you ever do this in the absence of a human partner to go down on?
mb: Oh yeah, totally. Cause like I love going down on people and that would be a turn-on for me inherently.
Kate: Hmm. Interesting. Do you think on a fantasy level, you think of the doll more as a stand-in for a real-life person, or as its own sexual entity?
mb: Oh gosh. Well, I don’t think of it as a stand-in for a specific person. Like, I don’t think about a specific person usually when I’m touching it. So in that way, I guess it’s its own sexual entity. And I think it would be hard to mentally map this smaller-than-human body onto a specific regular-size human. Maybe with a full-size one, you could more easily order one that looks like the person you want to fantasize about, but for me, I think it’s its own thing.
If I was doing this by myself, I would put on cunnilingus porn just for the sounds.
Kate: Yeah, that makes sense.
mb: Yeah. That’s the biggest thing that’s missing. Taste is missing, and that’s a big thing, but the biggest thing is actually sound.
Kate: Hmm. Okay. Lie down and touch yourself to get yourself hard, and I’ll ask you another question while you do that.
mb: Okay.
Kate: It’s not a very arousing question.
mb:[laughs] That’s fine.
Kate: How do you feel about her being a headless, disembodied torso? Does it affect your experience in any way?
mb: It definitely is something you have to work around, but it’s not that hard for me to work around it. Like when I’m going down on it and I’m looking up, I can easily sort of screen that stuff out of my peripheral vision. The planes [of the thighs and neck] are super flat and smooth, so it’s not creepy or distracting and doesn’t feel like it’s been dismembered or anything. It’s just like, it’s an object. And thelack of a head might actually be a good thing, because I think if there was a face, it would never really look like a human face and it would freak me out.
Kate: Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. I want you to start fucking her front hole.
[mb fucks the doll’s vagina]
Kate: Next question is, what does its vagina feel like?
mb: We’re switching between “she” and “it” pronouns. I don’t really know its pronouns. Um, it’s textured. It’s nicely textured on all sides. I can feel the lips. They feel aroused when I press against them, which is nice. It can take my whole cock, which is nice. It’s not quite as tight as the Quickshot, but it has a very realistic human tightness. There’s nothing super crazy at the back. Some Tenga toys have a really wild texture toward the back of the sleeve, and I don’t think it has that.
Kate: Okay. When you’re ready, you can flip her over and try the back hole and tell me what that feels like. [mb flips the doll over] Wow, her back is gorgeous.
mb: That was one of the first things I noticed too. I like that she’s very stable in this position.
[mb starts fucking the doll’s butt]
Kate: Does it freak you out that you can see your dick moving through her back?
mb: Yeah. That does… When I focus on that, it does freak me out a little bit. ‘Cause if that was happening with a human, I’d be like, where’s your spine?! There’s wire in here, but it’s not where the spine is. The spine area is just all squishy. The butt has a good bounce to it, too.
Kate: Does it feel like you’re having anal sex? Physically or psychologically?
mb: Yeah, it does.
Kate: Hmm. How does coming in the doll feel different from coming inside me?
mb: It’s the same as with the oral – there’s no reactions. I’m missing the sounds and the gripping and stuff.
Kate: Okay. Whenever you’re ready, fuck her tits a little bit. And I’ll ask you about that.
mb: Okay.
[mb tries to fuck the doll’s tits]
Kate: You didn’t like this as much when we tried it before, right?
mb: I don’t really know… Yeah, it just doesn’t do anything. The boobs are not close enough together. You can’t really even push them together. It just doesn’t work. No, I can’t fuck them. Too far apart.
Kate: What’s your overall review?
mb: How much does it cost?
Kate: Like 200 bucks or something. [Editor’s note: It costs $209.99.]
mb: Yeah. I think it’s good. For that price, it’s good.
Kate: Do you think you’re going to use it even after we’ve already reviewed it?
mb: Yeah! It’s useful for like, if you’re long-distance and your partner’s super into pearl necklaces or anal or whatever; you have a prop, and you can shoot nudes with it that aren’t just, like, your dick.
Kate: Yup. That’s good. Definitely good for an LDR.
Thanks so much to Tantaly for sending us the Scarlett mini sex doll to review! Remember, you can get 10% off your order from Tantaly by using the code GirlyJuice10 at checkout. This post was sponsored, which means we were paid to provide a fair and honest review of the product.
Kate: Can you go down on her a little bit?
Kate: