masturbation

Sharing the Sexy #5

Kate Sloan

• Have you entered my giveaway yet? (FYI: I’ve added some extra conditions to the rules at the bottom, since some people didn’t quite understand a couple of the entry conditions.)

• Suffer from chronic urinary tract infections? Read and learn.

• Some guy tried to burn his pubes off. People are idiots.

• A 26-year-old woman answers questions about being into bestiality. Personally I believe that only adult humans can truly give consent to have sex with other humans, and that “consent” from any other type of creature (whether that be a human child, a dog, or whatever else) does not count and should not be acted upon. What do you think?

• This old video from Playboy TV discusses Kegel exercises, pelvic health, and the Kegelcisor. I just bought one and am excited to try it out!

• Dodson and Ross: can you ruin your clit with too much pressure? I had an ex who could only get herself off by grinding against furniture. Have you overcome something like this?

• Stevie Wonder said something homophobic but is now back-pedaling on it.

• This guy’s penis is (according to him) 10 inches long and 7 inches in circumference (that’s about 2.2 inches in diameter). In other words, he’s as thick as a Tantus T-Rex and even longer. In that post, he describes some of the sexual problems he’s encountered. Remember, folks: bigger is not always better. (Plus, he has the idea that he’ll only feel he’s satisfied his partner when she has penetrative orgasms, which is a whole other problem…)

• I don’t know how you feel about NC17-rated Glee fanfiction (I don’t even watch Glee, myself), but this gal sometimes writes “alternate universe” stories in which Kurt is a pre-op trans guy.

• Lately I’ve been reading the blogs of a couple who are in a consensual “Daddy/little girl” relationship: Daddy Vinnie and A Lolita’s Life. While I wouldn’t want to be in a 24/7 relationship like this, I’ve certainly had lolita fantasies before.

• Conservatives are mad that there’s a not-so-obviously gay character in ParaNorman. I thought it was really clever and wonderful. The comments are great too: “If a parent isn’t prepared to answer some unwanted questions… then chances are, they aren’t prepared to be a parent in the first place. Do these people ever stop clutching their pearls?”

• This anti-rape ad campaign is excellent – and, for once, doesn’t involve victim-blaming.

• Roland writes about creep shaming. In my view, guys who go on tirades about how creep shaming is “oppressive” and a “women’s privilege” are totally ignoring the glaring fact that “creep” is literally one of the only truly hurtful words that can be used on men (as compared to all the zillions of mean words that men call women all the time, like “slut,” “bitch,” and “prude”). Not to mention that women need a word to describe men who have made them uncomfortable, and “creep” isn’t typically a word that’s used lightly, unlike “whore” and “bitch.”

• The Frisky asks: what are the weirdest places you’ve masturbated?

Porn Review: Crash Pad Series #131

Kate Sloan

I feel kind of embarrassed to admit that I’m not the biggest fan of April Flores. I don’t know what it is; she’s utterly gorgeous, very sexy, and shows up all the time in the kind of porn I love, but I just can’t get into her.

Still, though, I was interested to see her shoot for Crash Pad Series. Crash Pad’s “solo” videos are always amusing and often arousing, because a story has to be invented for why this person ended up masturbating alone in the Crash Pad (see: Dylan Ryan getting “trapped” in a voyeur situation and then needing to jerk off immediately afterward). In April’s case, there isn’t much in the way of story: she knows all about the Keymaster, the fictional voyeuristic character who leers curiously at every Crash Pad performer via a camera-and-computer setup, and so April decides to put on a show.

This concept is not hot to me. I like my voyeurism to be secretive and subtle; I never want to feel like the porn performers are aware of my presence, or the camera’s presence. April talks to the Keymaster/camera for much of the scene, saying things like “I wish you were here right now,” which doesn’t do anything for me. But I think a lot of people would really like this extra dimension that the scene has, judging by the success of “cam girls” and point-of-view videos.

This scene is a toy lover’s dream. April announces early in the scene that she’s brought some of her favorite toys, and then pulls out her Pure Wand and Hitachi. If you’re slightly “toysexual” like me, you’ll appreciate this. I love the moment where April says, “Should I put [the Hitachi] on high speed?” and then looks down, giggles, and says, “Oh, that was high speed!”

April has huge, marvelous tits which she can suck on. She also has some of the most beautiful hair in the business. There’s no shortage of gorgeousness in this scene.

I appreciate that she seems to genuinely love masturbating. I’ve seen porn stars less excited about partner sex than April is about getting herself off. She’s nothing if not enthusiastic. And she has some hella sexy moans.

About halfway through the scene, something hilarious and unexpected happens: April pulls out a replica of her own vulva and proceeds to finger it, lick it, and fuck it with the Pure Wand. I can’t say I can find this sexy, nor can I really understand what made April want to do it, but it’s pretty funny.

While this scene didn’t turn me on, I think there is a niche audience out there who would really enjoy it. If you like POV porn, enjoy the idea of someone putting on a sexy show for you, and/or want to see April Flores lick her own pussy, then yeah, you might dig it!

Sharing the Sexy #3

Kate Sloan

Hey babies! I’m currently sitting in the window of a Starbucks eyeing up some hot girls in plaid shirts… um, I mean, typing up this post. Here’s some sexy stuff I saw on the internet this week; what have you been up to?

• Mandy “can’t stop hate-masturbating to Paul Ryan.” This piece made me laugh and (to my chagrin) kind of turned me on. Yeah, Paul Ryan is physically attractive (sigh!). It’s kind of like how I find John Mayer insanely sexy, but he’s also kind of a dick. (Did I just compare Paul Ryan to John Mayer? I’m pretty sure that’s extremely insulting to both of them.)

• A woman on Sexxit is upset because of some things her high-functioning autistic husband said to her about their sexual relationship. I found this particularly fascinating because an ex-boyfriend of mine had Asperger’s and we had similar issues, though obviously not as severe (we only dated for a few weeks). Read the comments – there’s some gems, including an insightful reply from another person with Asperger’s. (If you find this stuff as interesting as I do, watch the movie Adam, stat!)

• Dodson and Ross talk about sexual communication and why you shouldn’t lie about what you like. This video makes me feel very lucky to have a boyfriend who listens to my sexual requests and makes ‘em happen.

• Have you ever wanted to see me modelling a silly pinup sailor costume? Well, now you can. (Backstory: Eden didn’t have any new toys I wanted to review this month, so I figured I’d use my monthly free assignment to get myself a Halloween costume. Except it ended up being pretty mediocre, so I might realize my dreams of Halloweening as Jane Lane after all.)

• Luke Young writes with disdain about ways to increase penis size. I have to agree with him that it isn’t worth the risk (and I prefer average-sized dicks anyway), but I’ve heard of several men who’ve had success with jelqing.

• Here’s a round-up of facts and chatter around that idiot Paul Akin and his comments on how, when rape leads to pregnancy, it wasn’t “legitimate rape.” Thanks, Republican upper-class white cis dude, for yet another opinion on my anatomy! I’m glad you feel so entitled to mansplain such things. *rolls eyes*

• Another piece on Akin: Cool Party You’ve Got There, Republicans. Melissa McEwan is my hero.

• A New Zealand TV commercial got away with using the words “vagina” and “discharge.” It saddens me that we live in a world so puritanical that this is considered somehow scandalous, but it’s still a step forward and I’m happy.

• This week on Sexxit, there was a thread about how to have civil conversations about circumcision and intactivism. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m somewhat tired of being expected to have “civil conversations” with people who make unnecessary, life-altering, sexually damaging decisions on behalf of their non-consenting children.

• Don’t know what porn to watch? Here’s a periodic table of feminist porn!

• Rachel Rabbit White writes about what happens when porn star Joanna Angel goes speed-dating.

• My boyfriend talks about what it’s like to date a sex toy reviewer. Apparently it’s pretty cool.

• This “dinner table debate” between Dan Savage (gay sex columnist) and Brian Brown (president of the National Organization for Marriage) is very interesting. Particularly hilarious: Brown’s assertion that “just because you believe something is wrong, it doesn’t mean that you make it illegal” (he was talking about divorce, and apparently didn’t see the irony in this argument) and his usage of the word “marginalize” to describe what same-sex marriage advocates are doing to the church. Ha ha, yeah, us queer folks are so big and strong and we’re always bullying the poor weak church. Right. You go on believing that fable if it makes you feel better about your bigotry.

Sharing the Sexy #1

Kate Sloan

I’m going to start doing a round-up of links to articles, threads, photos, etc. that are relevant to the interests of this blog. It will be sporadic and periodic, but hopefully you’ll still enjoy it! Here’s what I’m diggin’ on this week:

• This guy on Sexxit was all in a tizzy because his potential girlfriend masturbates every other day (GASP! The horror!). We set him straight.

• Also on Sexxit: would you date a pre-op trans* person of your preferred gender? The answers are largely offensive and ignorant (as you can generally expect when a mostly cis group has a discussion about trans issues), but there are a few good ones. I liked Afro_Samurai’s comment: “Really not certain how I would feel in terms of physical attractiveness. I’m certain I would be paranoid about saying something insensitive, screwing up with gendered language or something.”

• Misty writes about trans-friendly and genderqueer-friendly parenting. “What your (our!) job is, as a parent, is to give him the strength and confidence to be himself and to face those who will question him and give him crap because he doesn’t conform to their ideas of who he should be. Giving him yourself as support and the tools of confidence is what will ‘protect’ him in the long run.”

• Rosie describes her experience at a Body Pride workshop. I was at the same workshop, and will be putting up my article about it just as soon as I get my hands on the naked photos that were taken of me there!

• The SexIs Social writing contest applicants are being put to a vote. I would really appreciate if you could vote for one of my articles, whichever one you like best – I wrote Menstrual Sex: It’s Not Just For Vampires, The 5 Hallmarks of Feminist Porn, and Why You Should Buy Your Mom a Sex Toy. Thanks, lovelies!

• My new article came out on Sex Toys Canada: How to Improve Your Genital Flavour. It’s a rundown on dietary adjustments and tasty products you can use to sweeten yourself up, if you’re into that. I also wrote an article about the anterior fornix (or A-spot) for SexIs.

• This period-tracking app looks perfect! (I use MonthlyInfo.com – do you use a period tracker?)

• I showed my boyfriend this foreskin-fingering technique and asked him if he’d ever tried it. He has a very very sensitive penis, so this was his answer: “AAAAAH WAAAAAT NOOOOO!”

Have a good weekend, y’all! I’ll see you Monday for more chattin’ about porn, sex toys, and all that other good stuff.

Wanking on the Rag: A Squeamish Masturbator’s Guide

Kate Sloan

I love to masturbate. Um, of course I do, I write about sex toys. But I mean, beyond just doing it for the physical pleasure of it, I also enjoy it mentally and emotionally: it’s a way for me to recharge, to unwind, to be good to myself.

So it sucks that there’s one week every month where masturbating is more mess than it’s worth. Or is it?

Here are some of my top tips for jerking off when you’re bleeding. Some of them are overlaps from my post on menstrual sex, but solo sex is worth honoring, too!

1. Choose a nonporous toy. If your collection includes toys made of jelly, TPR, CyberSkin, etc. (shame!), skip them for the time being. You can always use a condom over them, which you should be doing all the time anyway, but it would be best to just bite the bullet and upgrade to a toy you can use safely during your period.

Many of my toys have been subjected to menstrual blood, including my all-white Ella and my beloved Pure Wand. Nonporous toys should wash totally clean with a little soap and water, and the non-mechanical, waterproof ones can be boiled to sanitize. I do have one jelly toy left over from my ignorant days, which I never use anymore – but if I did, I’d leave it alone during my period. Bloody bacteria growing in toy pores = gross!

2. Buy yourself a blood towel. It should ideally be dark-colored and large. Hell, buy two, especially if you’re a squirter. Every time you masturbate or have sex during your period, lay out the towel underneath you so you can have at it without worrying about a mess.

If you’ve got the cash, why not spring for a red Liberator Throe? I can’t think of a better way to honor your divine reproductive essence while keeping your sheets clean! (On a related note, if anyone would like to buy/send me a Throe, please get in touch…!)

3. Investigate alternative menstrual products. Jade and Pearl make sea sponges which you can stuff up your vag at moon-time. They make it possible to be penetrated without mess, whether by a partner or by your own fingers or toys.

I also have a wide variety of menstrual cups which I use for everyday period wear. Depending on the cup, I may be able to penetrate myself shallowly or not at all while wearing one, but they’re great if you just want to masturbate clitorally.

4. Stay away from your cervix. Some folks get very sensitive while they’re bleeding, especially in the cervix area. If this is true for you, try a toy that’s squishier, shorter, or focuses on your G-spot rather than the far reaches of your vagina.

If you really crave a good pounding, maybe take an ibuprofen half an hour before attempting it, and avoid hard materials like glass and steel. Flexible silicone will be your best bet during this time.

5. Think of orgasms as painkillers. Sometimes, when I’m on my period, I feel miserable and achy and have no desire to jerk off. My cramps get so bad that I just want to lie on the couch and watch bad TV. But then I remind myself that I’ll feel better if I force myself to have an orgasm – and guess what? I always do.

It doesn’t have to be a big production. If you’re feeling too sore or lazy for penetration, don’t bother with it. Just grab your favorite clit toy and get off in a way that’s comfortingly familiar to you. You may not feel terribly enthused at first, but power through it if you can: there’s a good chance your cramps will ease up if you can make yourself come.

Jerking off can be a very healing and affirming thing to do during your period, a time when we’re most likely to have complicated relationships with our genitalia. Stop worrying about the mess and just be good to yourself!