Song 41/52: “Go Deeper”
Lyrics:
Breathe in some fresh air and breathe out all your cares and keep breathing
And notice the thoughts that are passing, arising, repeating
And let them all go, because deep down, you know that you’re safe
And inside your mind, you can certainly find a nice place
Let your eyes fall closed if they want to
Feel your spine – it’s strong and it’s got you
Feel your mind melting as it tries not to
Chorus:
Go deeper now
Doesn’t matter how
Just go deeper now
Let your thoughts drift away like a cloud
And if it feels good, then maybe you should let it take you
It’s easier, so just give in and let go of what ails you
Your arms getting heavy, along with your legs and your chest
And if you relax, it is simply a fact that you’ll rest
Who knows where your mind disappears to?
If you call it back, it’ll hear you
But we both know you’re really just here to…
(repeat chorus)
Songwriting diary:
I was deep in trance during a hypnokink scene when the idea entered my mind that I should write a song that is a hypnotic induction. It felt like such an important idea that I said it out loud to my spouse through the fuzzy fogginess of trance, so that I might remember the idea later on. And I did!
Incidentally, a few days before that, I had watched this video about a chord progression that’s apparently super popular in Japanese music but isn’t widely used in Western music (although, notably, both of Rick Astley’s best-known songs – “Together Forever” and the infamous “Never Gonna Give You Up” – use this progression, as does the Silk Sonic banger “Leave the Door Open”). I’d made a note of it incase I wanted to use it for a song at some point. I thought it made sense to use it for this hypnotic song because it’s a progression that never resolves to the home chord of the key, which gives it this strange feeling of perpetual unfinishedness and driftiness, like being in trance.
I wrote some lyrics for the first verse and prechorus, and then sang them over the progression – and then I improvised the chorus after that, and liked how it came out so I kept it.
Song 42/52: “I’d Marry You Again”
Lyrics:
I’d marry you again
Just say when, just say when
Walk down another aisle
Hey, why not? It’s been a while
No need to have it catered
Don’t need a decorator
And tell our friends and family that we’ll see ya later
Just wanna say those vows
We already know how
I’d marry you once more
And meet you out on the dance floor
I’d throw a bright bouquet
Just like I did back on that day
There’s no RSVPing
It’s all about the feeling
Don’t mean to be repetitive, but it is worth repeating:
I’d marry you again
Just say when, just say when
Songwriting diary:
I had tweeted a few days before writing this song about how I still regularly have the momentary thought that I’d like to marry my partner before remembering we already did that. I just love them so much, and wanted to marry them so much before we did it, that my mind evidently still clings onto that as a beloved goal even though it’s already happened. It’s nice.
So, with that in mind, I started improvising words while plucking a minimalistic little ukulele part, and the beginning of this song came out. I built it from there, pulling from online lists of wedding-related tropes and traditions to fill out the rest of the lyrics. It’s a pretty short song (actually it’s the shortest one I’ve done for this challenge), but that’s nice sometimes!
Song 43/52: “Every Morning”
Lyrics:
Is love hard, or has love just been hard before?
My guard is up, but I don’t wanna be guarded anymore
Chorus:
Every morning, you say “I love you”
And every morning, I say “I love you too”
That’s just what we do
My dream love never quite looked the way this does
But my dream, love, was a dream for who I thought I was
(repeat chorus)
Back then, my heart would stop and start
Hot and cold, highs and lows
Then you came ’round; I’m safe and sound
In the now, ’cause I know:
(repeat chorus)
Every morning that I’m in your arms
Is a morning when I thank my lucky stars
Songwriting diary:
I was very frustrated this week at my apparent lack of success in writing a song. It was Friday night and I’d polished up 2-3 songs I’d been writing over the past few weeks, but didn’t really like any of them (one was about tattoos, one about gender and one about impostor syndrome). I wrote in a song earlier this year that “the songs never have to be good; they just have to get done,” and while that’s true, there have definitely been several songs this year that I’ve ostensibly finished but haven’t felt good enough about to include as part of this challenge. I always wanted to push myself to write something better instead, which is what happened this week.
I was messing around with my favorite voicing of the Fmajor7 chord on the ukulele and found a rhythmic way of finger-picking it that was very evocative to me, and so I started improvising a vocal line over it. I had just guested on my spouse’s podcast earlier that day, and one of the things we talked about was how I always imagined I’d end up with a writer, actor, visual artist, or other artsy type when I got older, but mb’s personality and brain are creatively oriented even though they’re not in one of those conventionally artsy fields. (Software development definitely involves a lot of creativity!) So I guess I was in a mood to marvel at how our love story turned out so different from what I’d envisioned all those years and is somehow nonetheless exactly what I needed.
Song 44/52: “Grandmaster”
Lyrics:
I don’t know how you bring out the best in us
There’s people like you, and then there’s the rest of us
I take your thoughts as gifts and as gospel truth
Though my family worries that I might be wasting my youth
But it’s not a waste
To follow you anyplace
And I’ll follow you home, ’cause you’re the only home I know
Chorus:
‘Cause you’re my grandmaster
And I’m falling faster
Than I ever thought I could
And though they insult what they call a cult
I know that your heart is good
I know that your heart is good
I thought I knew myself before I met you
But all that I knew was the lens I’d been looking through
My world is shifting as I absorb your words
You never listen, but somehow I still feel heard
But that’s just your way
And of course, I am glad to pay
For the privilege of being a prisoner you’re freeing now
(repeat chorus)
If sometimes I question some of your lessons
I’m sorry if I’m out of turn
If I understood it, I’d know that you’re good at
Helping us learn what we need to learn
(repeat chorus)
I think that your heart is good
Songwriting diary:
Months ago, the first two lines of this song randomly occurred to me (“I don’t know how you bring out the best in us/ There’s people like you, and then there’s the rest of us“) and I wrote them down in the music folder of my notes app, not really sure what they were about or when I’d ever be able to use them.
At some point I started watching season 2 of The Vow, which is a show about a New York-based cult called NXIVM that I’ve been fascinated by for a while – I’ve seen a couple of documentary series on it and read a book about it. It occurred to me that those lines sounded like something that one of the cult leader Keith Raniere’s followers might have said about him, and then I decided I wanted to write a song from their perspective. It was partly inspired by “Unworthy of Your Love” from the musical Assassins, specifically the part sung by Squeaky Fromme to her hero and lover Charles Manson, and the way she is clearly so brainwashed and taken in by him. “Grandmaster” is one of the names that Keith Raniere’s followers called him, along with “Vanguard.”
I’m honestly not that happy with this song and it feels like one of the only ones I’ve kind of “phoned in,” but I’m also glad I wrote it and I think there’s some good lines in it. Besides which: the entire point of a challenge like this is to generate new songs, some of which I’m gonna like and some I’m not. It’s a useful lesson in releasing perfectionism and just doing what I can do, every single week.