outfit

Behind the Seams: Queer & Kinky

Kate Sloan

June 15, 2021

I received a last-minute tip via Twitter that there was a second-dose vaccine clinic set up way the hell over in the west end of Toronto, so I basically threw some clothes on and hopped in an Uber. I’d dressed up for my first dose so decided to dress up a little for this one too. It was a celebratory occasion, after all!

The line ended up taking over an hour, but it was fine because I had anticipated this possibility and brought my Kindle with me. I stood in line reading Don’t Call It a Cult, one of the best pieces of reporting I’ve ever read about a cult – in this case, NXIVM, the weird-ass Albany-based “self-improvement” cult that involved strange sexual rites and a whole lotta lies. Interesting stuff. I almost kinda wanted the line to last longer so I could read more of it!

The nurse who gave me my vaccine commented that the “I got my COVID-19 vaccines!” sticker being distributed actually matched my dress perfectly. Awesome.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Green velvet dress – H&M
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Coach Rambler crossbody bag
• Silk heart-print mask – a sweet gift from my friend/roommate Sarah
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband – hand-me-down from my spouse

June 18, 2021

I’ve been trying to go on more walks lately, which is hard because of my depression, anxiety, chronic pain, etc. – but I definitely find it easier when I can wear a cute outfit!

This was my attempt at a slightly “athletic” ensemble, or at least one that wouldn’t cause me to feel overheated or overburdened while I trekked down to the lake and back.

During my walk, I listened to the cancel culture episode of You’re Wrong About, a cleverly nuanced podcast episode that I wish everyone on the internet would listen to. Mike and Sarah basically expressed all my exact opinions on the subject.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Black spaghetti-strap crop top – American Apparel (isn’t it cute??)
• Black leggings – American Eagle
• Turquoise/orange/pink/purple Nike running shoes – a gift from my love
• Coach Rambler crossbody bag
• Toy Story-print mask – an Etsy shop
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband

June 20, 2021

I wore this to go stay at my parents’ house overnight. My mom had not seen Bo Burnham’s Inside yet and wanted to because I would not shut up about it, so I came over and watched it with her on her big-screen TV. Even after multiple viewings, it holds up, IMO. (And the songs will not get out of my fucking head.)

I tend to throw on a pencil skirt on days when I’m feeling shitty about my body but still want to show it off. They make me feel like my curves are fetching and foxy, which they are, tbh.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Black crop top – Forever 21, I think?
• Black pencil skirt – American Apparel
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Canvas tote bag – Her Highness (it has a cute red heart on it)
• Black KN95 mask
• Lock & key necklace – my partner’s chastity key + an engraved lock from L’Amour-Propre + a chain from Roma
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband
• Goodbye Honolulu baseball cap – gifted to me by my mom because she thought it looked good with my outfit (indeed it did)

June 24, 2021

I think I feel more able to “dress gay” during Pride month, which is silly. I’m a freelancer who works from home! I’ve been out as bi for 14 years! I can dress as queer as I want to, any time I want to, and I should!

I had just rediscovered this hat at my parents’ house and taken it home with me. I bought it from MaruHats 6 years ago (!) and have never really felt all that confident wearing it, despite thinking it’s fly as hell. I like that it has a hole in the back, through which I can thread my ponytail for some cute sporty vibes, but (as some of my Instagram followers pointed out when I mentioned that wearing it was giving me some Weird Gender Feelings), I think wearing my hair down is best with hats like these because that way I feel more femme. Anyway, it’s hard to feel masc in a heart-print romper, so there’s that, at least.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Heart-print romper – MeUndies
• Turquoise and purple “Think Positive” snapback – MaruHats on Etsy
• Coach Rambler crossbody bag
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband
• Black KN95 mask

June 26, 2021

Literally within a MINUTE of finding out that KinkAcademy had made a T-shirt that says “queer & kinky” in rainbow text, I had purchased one. It feels like I was made to own it. Wearing it out into the world proved a bit nervewracking, as it is not exactly a subtle garment in its messaging, but it was Pride weekend so I felt okay about it.

I wore this ensemble to walk over to the Aesop store on Queen Street West, where they were doing a Pride-week promotion: they had removed all the Aesop products from their shelves and stocked them instead with books by queer authors from the Glad Day Bookshop, and every customer was invited to choose one book to take home for free. What an utterly inspired thing to do for the queer community!

I ended up leaving with a copy of Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. I adore Kai Cheng’s advice column on Xtra and knew I’d like this book of hers too. I took it with me to a local pub patio for dinner, and it kept me company while I sat and soaked up the summer sun.

 

What I’m wearing:

• “Queer & kinky” T-shirt – KinkAcademy’s Redbubble shop
• Black skirt – ASOS
• Turquoise and purple “Think Positive” snapback – MaruHats on Etsy
• Blue leather collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Hot pink Coach tote
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband
• Black KN95 mask

Behind the Seams: Vaccine Queen

Kate Sloan

May 16, 2021

A while ago, I read an article about people getting dressed up for their vaccinations. This idea immediately resonated with me: I love dressing up for things and find that it helps imbue events with extra significance for me. The ritual of assembling my femme ensemble helps me feel more put-together, centered, and prepared.

Shortly after reading that article, I wrote a poem about why it would feel emotionally impactful to wear something cute to a vax appointment. I won’t share it here because I’m waiting to hear back about potential publication, but one of the things I wrote in the poem was that I wanted to wear a leopard-print dress to show I was still wild after a year+ of captivity. On the day of my actual first dose, I hovered in front of my closet, trying to decide which dress would be best, and then I remembered that poem as my eyes alit on this leopard-print dress. Of course! It was the natural choice.

I got a lot of compliments on my look as I waited in line outside the clinic. I hadn’t realized, until people started commenting on it, that I’d inadvertently adorned myself with multiple rainbow hearts. The nurse who gave me my shot complimented my pen and pencil tattoo. Overall, a wonderful day.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Leopard-print skater dress – American Apparel, via eBay
• Black KN95 mask layered under a Pride heart mask from Threadless
• Red sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Rainbow heart prescription sunglasses – Zenni
• Pink leather Cashin Carry tote – Coach (a findom gift from my love)
• Black leather harness boots – Frye

May 27, 2021

My psychiatrist told me recently (as he’s told me many times before) that I should try to go on more walks. “I always tell my patients to do that,” he said, “but recently I took some time off and started going on daily walks myself, and wow, it really makes a difference!” Unfortunately for my lazy ass, he’s right.

My dominant asked me what they could do to incentivize me to take more walks, and after pondering it a bit, I replied that I thought they should put “take a walk” on my to-do list on days when my workload seemed lighter, and provide a small assignment to do on the walk, something specific to photograph. I felt that would give me motivation, momentum, a goal.

It’s been working out well so far. I wore this outfit on a nice springtime walk with the intention of photographing a statue, for example.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Pink ribbed tank top – the Gap
• High-waisted skinny jeans – Madewell
• Pink cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Pink leather Cashin Carry tote – Coach
• Turquoise Toy Story-print mask – an Etsy shop
• Hair in pigtails because it’s long enough to do that now!

May 31, 2021

This was my last day at my social media dayjob (which I call a dayjob purely out of habit; at the point that I decided to leave, it was only taking up 3-5 hours a week and bringing in ~7% of my income). In the pandemic age, I find it’s extra difficult to celebrate successes. You can’t invite your friends to go for a pint and clink your glasses together over what you’ve achieved, or take a mini-vacation as a reward for a job well done. So I asked my partner what they thought I should do to commemorate entering the land of the fully self-employed, and they suggested I order a bottled cocktail from Civil Liberties, my favorite bar.

I went online and ordered a double serving of the Call Me Maybe, a yummy drink involving grapefruit juice, fennel, fino sherry, and tequila. Then I decided to walk all the way to the bar – about 45 minutes – because it was a beautiful day. I think this was the first time I’d worn a crop top outdoors in nearly a year. Yay, spring!

 

What I’m wearing:

• Royal blue crop top – Forever 21, I think?
• Black A-line jersey skirt – ASOS
• Black bike shorts (worn underneath to help with chub rub) – American Apparel
• Red socks – the Gap
• Nike Air Zoom Pegasus 37 sneakers in teal – a findom gift from my love
• Pink leather Cashin Carry tote – Coach
• Black KN95 mask

June 2, 2021

Feeling in touch with my femmeness has been challenging this past year. I think that as much as my inner angry feminist often wants to snarl “I don’t dress up FOR YOU!!” there is nonetheless an element of my aesthetic that doesn’t feel worth performing if there’s no audience for it. Gender and style are both concepts that have an inward component as well as an outward component, and that outward one is hard to reckon with during a pandemic.

I put on this sweet floral dress to go buy some limes and mint so I could make a fave summer cocktail, the Southside, when having drinks with my friend/roommate Sarah later that night. We may not have been able to go sit on a pub patio or hang out at a cocktail bar, but I was determined to make our indoor lives feel summery and celebratory nonetheless, dammit.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Black/white/pink floral dress – CowCow
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Pink leather Cashin Carry tote – Coach
• Black KN95 mask

June 3, 2021

Comfiest “outfit” ever. Sometimes I attempt to make my loungewear ensembles look aesthetically pleasing and intentional (as opposed to the times when I just throw on an oversized T-shirt from some rock concert of yore, pair it with underwear and fuzzy slippers, and call it a day).

I had recently reorganized my T-shirt drawer and resultingly rediscovered a bunch of shirts I forgot I owned, like this black cropped tank top, which is an essential item for when I want to feel summery but also goth.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Black ribbed cropped tank top – Forever 21? H&M? Not sure
• Black modal lounge pants – the Gap
• Tie-dye Bombas ankle socks – a gift from Matt’s mom

Behind the Seams: Leather Weather

Kate Sloan

March 20th, 2021

Matt’s building has a cute little open-air courtyard that is open to residents, and on this day, we sat there in the chilly early-spring sunshine for a while, writing poems and reading ebooks (me) and reading about sleight-of-hand and practicing magic tricks (Matt). It was a lovely afternoon. I always feel so much better when there starts to be more sun in my life.

As with many of my favorite outfits, this one could just as easily be rocked by an ’80s teen queen or an 8-year-old girl. Fuck “dressing age-appropriately,” tbh. You don’t have to if you don’t want to! (I mean, if you have a job with a strict dress code, then maybe you do have to… but only when you’re at that job!)

 

What I’m wearing:
• Black modal slip – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Hot pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Red sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Blue/grey/black colorblock Coach Willis bag
• Rainbow prescription cat-eye sunglasses – Zenni

March 21st, 2021

Wore this on an outdoor walk. Sometimes on bad pain days, I gravitate toward dark colors because they’re easy to match and tend not to get me noticed or looked at much in public; often I respond to overwhelming health symptoms by wanting to be invisible in some sense, to deal with my symptoms unobserved and in peace.

This hat is from the Wythe Hotel, the Brooklyn spot where Matt and I stayed on our 3rd date. We had recently gone back there for a brief staycation to celebrate our anniversary, and had a lovely time. Normally you can buy these toques from their shop but they left two of them for us in our room free of charge, with a nice note thanking us for supporting them after the extremely rough time the hotel industry’s had during the pandemic. Aww.

 

What I’m wearing:
• Navy blue Wythe Hotel beanie
• Navy blue lacy tank top – the Gap’s sleepwear section
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Blue/grey/black colorblock Coach Willis bag

March 23rd, 2021

Was feelin’ casual, I guess! I’m really not much of a Jeans Person but occasionally they’re called for.

Sometimes when Matt and I go out together while they’re in chastity, I’ll wear this necklace, which has their key on it. It jingles and jangles a lot while I’m walking around and serves as a perpetual, cute, kinky reminder for both of us that they’re locked up and that I’m the one who controls when they’ll be unlocked again. Isn’t kink fun?!

 

What I’m wearing:
• Heathered black Lickability logo T-shirt
• High-waisted skinny jeans – Madewell
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Lock & key necklace
• Blue/grey/black colorblock Coach Willis bag
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson”
• “Abortion is a Right” pin from the ACLU

March 27th, 2021

This is what I wore to do a livestreamed concert celebrating my 9-year bloggiversary. I was surprised and delighted that 30+ people showed up to watch me play and sing!

Usually I like to buy a new dress to wear on my birthday, and while my bloggiversary isn’t quite the same as a birthday, this year the tone of the celebration was pretty similar! (I used to play a birthday concert at a rented venue every year when I was in high school, because I was a messy bitch who lived for attention, I guess.) I settled on this dress after looking at way too many other ones, and it was actually one of the least expensive ones I considered, at around $35.

Thanks so much to everyone who came out to watch the stream – it was so much fun, and might become an annual tradition!

 

What I’m wearing:
• Blue/green patterned Maggy London wrap dress – Nordstrom Rack
• Black leggings – H&M
• Elaborate eye makeup involving (among other things) Sugarpill eyeshadow in “Polar” and a huge pair of Sugarpill false lashes to top it all off
• I was also wearing an Agent Provocateur bra underneath, because this dress really kind of requires one, as much as I hate wearing bras of any kind these days!

April 8th, 2021

The temperature dropped again but we wanted to go sit outside for a bit, so I bundled up.

Still loving this Yokoo cowl. I wish I’d had more opportunities to wear it during the winter but 1) I just didn’t go out that much, and 2) it tends to exacerbate the classic fogged-up-glasses problem that occurs when you are a specs-wearing person who also has to wear a mask because you’re living through a global pandemic. (Sigh.)

I feel like this color palette is much more “grown-up” than how I normally dress… except most adult businessladies don’t have a Nintendo Switch in their handbag. Or so I would assume.

 

What I’m wearing:
• Blue and white floral-print dress – H&M
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Navy knit cowl – Yokoo on Etsy
• Blue/grey/black colorblock Coach Willis bag
• Red lipstick

What have you been wearing lately, friends?

Behind the Seams: Colorful Cutie

Kate Sloan

Truth be told, I am getting pretty bored of the clothes that I have with me here in New York. It’s hard to dress yourself out of just a suitcase when you’re a fancy femme with broad tastes!! I’ll be sad when I have to leave next month to go back home and get vaccinated, but at least I’ll be reunited with the vast majority of my wardrobe.

This outfit was yet another fun attempt to re-style some of the basics I have with me into a fresh ‘n’ new ensemble. (Only a certain type of person would consider a hot pink sweater and metallic pink cowboy boots to be “basics,” and I am that type of person…)

I love pink and blue so much. I could truly wear this color combo every day for the rest of my life and be happy.

What I’m wearing:
• Pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Blue and white floral-print dress – H&M
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Blue sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Blue/grey/black Coach Willis bag – gift from my love

My old leather jacket was falling apart disastrously from a decade+ of wear, so Matt bought me this new one as a findom present a while ago. It was on sale at Danier and is pretty much the exact same cut as my last jacket, which was also by Danier. God, I am such a Taurus.

I wore this outfit on the first day it was warm enough in New York this year to get away with wearing just a leather jacket instead of a winter coat (or at least the first of such days when I actually went out, something I’m not doing much of!). Despite having been diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder FIFTEEN YEARS AGO – baby’s first mental illness diagnosis, wheee! – I still sometimes forget just how much sunlight or lack thereof can affect my emotional wellbeing and mental functioning.

Gloomy grey days make me sleepy and sad; sunnier days can change my whole outlook. When people ask “What’s your favorite season?” in conversation, I can’t really ever divorce my mental health from any other factors that might affect my answer to this question. Spring has always been my favorite season, because it’s the time of year when I traditionally start feeling functional again after a long, hard winter of apathy and melancholy. Shout-out to my fellow seasonally depressed babes who are feeling similarly these days!

What I’m wearing:
• Red floral-print dress – H&M
• Black leather jacket – Danier (it’s the Winslet style)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather clutch with gold chain strap – Coach
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson” – a Valentine’s Day gift from my love

I was having a bad chronic pain day on the day that I interviewed the Bearded Scotsman on the Dildorks, so I had to balance my body’s need for comfort with my need to look somewhat cute while chatting with a total babe on Zoom. What resulted is this outfit, which felt comfy enough to theoretically sleep in (except for the underwire) but still made me feel like a brunette Marilyn Monroe in a boudoir shoot.

I mentioned this Calvin Klein modal nightgown in my recent post on chronic illness-friendly clothing, when I had just ordered it. It’s a slightly more burgundy-leaning red IRL than I had imagined, but I still like it very much. It may not be the most “flattering” garment, whatever the hell that means, but it’s blissfully comfortable, which makes me feel happier in my body and thus more attractive. Would recommend.

What I’m wearing:
• Red modal V-neck nightgown – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Pink and red heart-covered lingerie – Agent Provocateur, a Valentine’s Day gift from my love
• Mismatched striped socks, because I was on Zoom so who cares!
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson”

I started envisioning this outfit as soon as the romper and heart necklace were on their way to me, each ordered from different retailers. That used to happen to me a lot more when I was younger and far more invested in clothes/fashion/style than I am now, so it was nice to feel that sensation again, of outfit inspiration striking, in the same way that I can be suddenly inspired to write a blog post or a poem or a song.

As I’ve mentioned before, I love MeUndies rompers dearly – they are divinely comfy, have a flattering cut, and come equipped with pockets. I had some store credit there and wanted to buy another romper, and while they have many fun prints I could’ve gone with, ultimately I opted for this timeless black and white gingham. I like that it equally looks like something an Instagram influencer would wear today or something Jane Russell or Betty Grable would have worn in a movie in 1953. There are truly endless ways to style something like this – yet another reason I’m looking forward to having access to my full wardrobe again!

What I’m wearing:
• Black and white gingham romper – MeUndies
• White and red heart-print socks – the Gap (I ordered a whole bunch of new socks after a few weeks in New York to avoid having to do laundry constantly)
• Red heart-shaped glasses – Zenni (these are still some of my fave glasses I’ve ever owned; I will probably order another pair if they ever break or if my prescription needs to be updated, tbh!)
• Red sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino, a recent findom present from my love
• “Should’ve” worn red lipstick with this ensemble, but couldn’t be arsed, and that’s okay!

 

What outfits or clothing items of yours have made you happy lately?

Behind the Seams: Stuck at Home

Kate Sloan

February 5th, 2021

Cozy cashmere sweaters are one of the best things about winter, IMO. (Truth be told, sometimes I wear them in the summer too, because – I suspect – one of the symptoms of my chronic illness is temperature regulation issues.) They make me feel simultaneously cute and warm, which can be a surprisingly hard bar to clear sometimes (I’m lookin’ at you, goosedown puffer coats), so I end up getting at least one or two new ones every year.

Matt bought this sweater for me a few months ago as a findom present and I really cannot overstate how bright it is IRL. I also have a pink one and they are both so bright that you could probably vividly see me coming down the street from several blocks away. Perfection.

We have to talk about this bag, though… I went back and forth on it for a few weeks, because its blue/grey/black color scheme is very “grown-up” and “professional,” two words I would not use to describe my typical aesthetic. But it kept calling to me, somehow. Buying handbags still feels like a weird thing to do during the pandemic because of how few opportunities I have to actually use them, but I’m dreaming of a post-COVID era when I’ll be able to fill up this beautiful bag with books, journals, pens, pencils, and lipsticks for solo dates to bars or cafés. It’s roomier than it looks, and has tons of fun little pockets – very Mary Poppins.

 

What I’m wearing:
• Blue cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Black skater dress – H&M
• Black leggings – the Gap (I wear black leggings almost every single day now and am glad I invested in several pairs toward the start of the pandemic – fuck jeans forever, tbh)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black/grey/blue colorblock Coach Willis bag
• Navy polka-dotted mask – SartorMasks on Etsy
• Lock & key necklace – chain from Roma Designer Jewelry, lock engraved with “Daddy’s” custom-made by L’Amour-Propre, key from my beloved’s chastity cage

February 14th, 2021

Baby’s first Valentine’s Day during a pandemic, wooo!

We celebrated by getting a very elaborate takeout dinner from BLT Prime, a New York steakhouse. It included steak (of course), brussels sprouts cooked to perfection, truffle mashed potatoes, dessert, and a bottle of excellent champagne.

Then later that night we had sex involving the Bandit and the Eroscillator. If using classic sex toys that work well for your partner’s body on them isn’t romantic, I don’t know what is.

Isn’t Matt so cute in this matching Valentiney jacket-and-tie combo? I love when they wear pink. One of my Valentine’s gifts to them was a glittery pink Marc Jacobs lip gloss, and it looks great on them. For someone who works in the tech world, they have a pretty flashy sense of style sometimes. I love being married to someone who inspires me to dress more brightly and flamboyantly!

 

What I’m wearing:
• Pink fit-and-flare dress – H&M
• Agent Provocateur Cupid lingerie set (underneath)
• Pink rhinestoned heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson” (a Valentine’s gift from my love)
• Pretty much nothing else because we didn’t leave the house!

March 3rd, 2021

I saw this sexy asymmetrical dark green velvet faux-wrap dress on the Betsey Johnson website about 2 years ago, and by the time I’d spotted it, they had already sold out of my size (12). I could’ve scouted one out elsewhere, but I figured I already had enough velvet dresses (and truth be told, I do – it’s kind of a problem!) and didn’t need to buy another one.

However, a week or two ago, I happened to spot one on eBay in my size. I had an IOU from Matt for a findom gift because of a scene we’d recently done where I’d very generously allowed them to come even though they were supposed to be locked up in chastity (😈) so I asked them to buy me this dress + a bottle of Paradise Edition perfume. (Hey, if I have to live through a pandemic, I’m gonna do it glamorously, dammit.) A perfect date-night combo!

 

What I’m wearing:
• Dark green velvet dress – vintage Betsey Johnson via eBay
• Pink lacy bra underneath – Agent Provocateur (this dress is a bit droopy/drapey in the front, so as much as I prefer to go braless nowadays, I felt this look called for some boob support)
• Black leather Frye harness boots (black heels would’ve been the “proper” choice with this ensemble, but I don’t have any with me since I’m staying in New York, and the boots make the look more powerful tbh!)
• Black leather clutch with gold chain strap – Coach
• The same Pat McGrath red lipstick as above

 

What outfits have you worn lately that’ve made you happy?

P.S. Want more posts like this? Check out the “outfit” tag!