realistic dildo

Review: Wildolo Nut & Bolt No.1 realistic dildo

Kate Sloan

Have you ever met somebody so cool and sexy that you felt like, “I don’t even know if I could handle having sex with this person, but I sure want to try!”?

Yeah, that was me with the Wildolo Nut & Bolt No.1 dildo. And it worked out pretty damn well for me. Let’s talk about it.

With hand for scale

What is the Wildolo Nut & Bolt No.1?

Apparently Wildolo is a subsidiary of Hismith, makers of the bestselling Hismith sex machine – huh, small world! While perhaps best known for their fantasy dildos, Wildolo also makes more humanoid options – including the Nut & Bolt No.1, which they asked me to review.

It’s a silicone dildo that looks super realistic, aside from its uncommon dimensions (and the preternatural shininess of its dick skin). Described by Wildolo as “short, thick, and ruthless,” this dildo has an insertable length of 3.94″, and a diameter that tops out somewhere around 2.1″. (Wish I could be more exact, but I am in the midst of an international move and I already packed my tape measure 😂 Sex toy reviewer problems…) It’s relatively unusual to see a dildo this short and thick on the market. I enjoyed pairing it with fantasies about a giant who is considered to have a small penis amongst his own people, but whose dick is comically massive by human standards, and how that might affect him psychologically if we fucked. (Yes, my brain is strange. What of it?)

In addition to its impressive measurements, the Nut & Bolt No.1 also boasts a few other cool features: it has a sturdy suction-cup base (which also makes it anal-safe and harness-compatible), it vibrates, and its vibrations can be controlled remotely via the Wildolo app.

Things I like about the Wildolo Nut & Bolt No.1:

  • Damn, that’s a thick dick! I was worried about my ability to handle it, initially, because I’ve been so stressed/busy for the last couple of months that I’ve barely taken my pants off to masturbate, let alone used any penetrative toys… but with enough warm-up and wetness, I actually found this dildo not only comfortable, but immensely pleasurable. Its glossy silicone surface glides well when enough water-based lube is applied, its tip is slightly tapered for easier insertion, and it stretches me out gradually as I gently push it in. I’m nowhere near as much of a size queen as I was in my mid-twenties, but the girthiness of this dildo really hits the spot (so to speak) when I’m craving that sensation of being stretched and filled.
  • Speaking of “hitting the spot,” I was surprised that this Wildolo vibrating dildo manages to stimulate both my G-spot and my A-spot at once. It makes sense that it’s G-spotty: it’s got a pronounced coronal ridge that slides back and forth over that spot with every thrust, and its sizeable girth pretty much forces that ridge against your spot. (I assume it would stimulate a prostate similarly well.) But somehow, its upturned tip, though quite thick, can nudge at the periphery of my A-spot too, creating an all-around super-stimulating and satisfying sensation for me. There was even one quick-pulsing vibration pattern that reminded me of a partner rhythmically fingering my A-spot!
  • Because of its intense girth and G-spottiness, this dildo can make me squirt with very little effort on my part. In fact it pretty much guarantees that I will squirt when I come, even if I barely move the dildo at all during the lead-up. Neat!
  • I really like the balance Wildolo struck between hardness and softness with this silicone formulation. It feels realistically erection-like: squishy enough to bend with my body and remain comfortable throughout each thrust, but firm enough to be able to pound away when I need that. I also love that the silicone’s surface is glossy, because it makes for a smoother glide and means that my hands and arms don’t get as tired out when I thrust with this toy.
  • Downloading and installing the Wildolo app on my phone + connecting it to the toy took under a minute, total. The app itself, while a bit confusing and overstuffed with features (as sex toy apps often are), was also easy enough to pick up. I can control my own toy via the app, or invite a long-distance partner to do so. You get a lot of control over vibration intensity, can create your own patterns and try out other people’s creations, etc.
  • The suction-cup base is a nice touch. It allows you to use this toy hands-free if you want to, and also makes it anal-safe and harness-compatible. This is the kind of toy that makes me wish I had more mobility in my knees/hips so I could sit down on top of it and ride it, since that seems like the optimal way to use a dildo like this, ideally suction-cupped to a tile floor (or a big heavy hardcover book, if you’re in bed!).
  • The vibrations are pretty quiet, even at high speeds, as they’re significantly muted by the thick silicone (plus your own flesh, when in use). I don’t think this toy could be heard through a closed door. Gotta love a discreet dick!
  • I think $70 is a very fair price for this toy, given that some other realistic silicone dildos will run you 100+ and they often don’t even vibrate.

Things I don’t like about the Wildolo Nut & Bolt No.1:

  • The vibration is, like… fine. It’s buzzy/high-pitched and not particularly strong, and there’s only 3 speeds followed by 7 patterns (although you can customize speeds/patterns much more precisely using the Wildolo app). I’m not the biggest fan of internal vibration anyway, but if you are, I think you’d probably prefer a toy with a rumblier/lower-pitched motor than this one.

Final thoughts

Call me a basic bitch if you must, but I like cock – and the Wildolo Nut & Bolt No.1 is a well-made, realistic silicone cock that stimulates my internal erogenous zones with aplomb, and leaves me dizzily breathless in a puddle of my own squirt. Is it perfect? No. But real cocks aren’t, either, and I can still come all over them.

On a personal note, this was the last review I had to get done before moving from Toronto to New York. (As I write this, I am surrounded by packed boxes and other detritus.) Initially I was annoyed with myself for procrastinating such that I needed to pause in the middle of packing to give this toy one final test and then write my review. But time and time again, I found myself feeling grateful that it was this toy, and not some shitty, annoying disappointment. This dildo actually felt worth fucking, even during such a chaotic week – and it even relieved some of my stress. Shout-out to Wildolo – I’m gonna go pack this toy, because it’s coming with me to New York for sure.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write an honest and fair review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Valm 8-inch realistic dual-density dildo

Kate Sloan

This might be the perfect realistic dildo.

So perfect, in fact, that I was FURIOUS when someone in my building STOLE THE PACKAGE containing my custom-made dong, before I was able to retrieve it from outside my door.

And so perfect, indeed, that when Valm sweetly offered to just mail me another one, I was so delighted that all my anger at the anonymous dildo thief dissipated in the wind. I hope they’re enjoying my dildo, wherever they are. I know I am.

That gradient tho

Customization options

In terms of shape and size, Valm’s dildo options are simple and straightforward: there’s a 6-inch version, an 8-inch one (which is the one I chose to review, because my vagina is Goldilocks, apparently), a 10-inch and a 12-inch. Size queens/kings/monarchs, take note!

Each size option is available in 3 different silicone formulations: single-density, dual-density, and triple-density. Multi-density silicone is often used to make dildos feel more realistic – it means that the toy has a firm silicone core, with one or two layers of softer silicone on top. This creates a more lifelike penis-esque feeling, and also allows a dildo to be firm enough to stroke internal erogenous zones while also being squishy enough to be super comfortable.

The more silicone densities a dildo has, the more realistic it tends to feel – but more densities also means a higher price, so keep that in mind when making a decision. For instance, the dildo I’m reviewing is dual-density and costs $161, while the single-density and triple-density versions of the same size cost $117 and $191, respectively.

Most glorious of all is the color options. You can get Valm toys in a couple of different skin tones or various bright colors. They’re also able to do custom gradients. I thought long and hard (dick joke barely intended) about what I wanted, and eventually settled on a gradient: the dildo is neon orange fading into hot pink toward the base of the shaft. Words and photos cannot do justice to how eye-gougingly bright it is IRL. It is technicolor. It is camp. It is 1960s (like this Gala Darling outfit). I love it so much.

Things I like about this dildo

  • The colors. Have I mentioned the colors?! This thing is soooo bright!
  • The dual-density silicone does indeed feel really real. The head is especially squishy, which allows it to nudge up into my A-spot easily without bothering my cervix (unless I’m especially zealous). It’s firmer through the shaft, which is ideal, IMO, but still soft enough to give me that satisfying stress-ball-squish feeling when I come around it.
  • The size is great for me. While the dildo is 8” in total, its insertable length is 7.25”, so it can reach my A-spot with ease. The diameter is 1.65”, which manages to feel both pleasantly filling and ultra-comfortable for me (when I’m turned on enough, of course).
  • The coronal ridge, while not as pronounced as those I’ve seen on some other dildos, juts out enough that it feels amazing each time it strokes over my A-spot. Once I get this dildo nestled as deep as I want it, I barely have to move it in and out at all to get some pretty intense A-spot stimulation.
  • With its balls and suction cup base, this dildo is anal-safe, strap-on compatible, and can be stuck to hard flat surfaces for hands-free use (like shower walls, kitchen floors, or glass coffee tables – hey, you do you). The chunky base works well as a handle when thrusting, even on days when my hands are sore.
  • The surface of the silicone is unusually glide-y (as opposed to draggy) when well-lubricated, so I can thrust it fast and hard without encountering much resistance – which some people might not like, if they enjoy a lot of friction against their vaginal or anal walls, but I like it because it means my hands and arms don’t get sore from thrusting this dildo.

Things I don’t like about this dildo

  • Its shaft is quite straight, so if you’re looking for a G-spot-focused dildo, look elsewhere. As mentioned, I love this toy for A-spot stim, but that’s not everyone’s jam, and that’s fine.
  • The hyper-realistic ridges and folds around the head of the dildo, which are meant to look like (and indeed do look like) the corresponding features on a human penis, are pronounced enough on this toy that they can be mildly annoying to clean. Get in there with an old toothbrush or a washcloth and you should be fine.
  • The price points of these dildos are somewhat high compared to other dual-density options I’ve seen, but they are made in the USA, which I’m sure is part of the reason for that and which may justify the cost for some buyers.

Final thoughts

To me, the Valm dual-density 8-inch is the Platonic ideal of a realistic dildo. Gorgeous colors. Pleasurable shape. Not too big, not too small, but just right (for me, anyway!). Firm where it needs to be, and squishy where it needs to be. Versatile, chameleonic, a cock-of-all-trades.

Wherever my first one ended up, I hope its thief sees its simple brilliance and beauty as clearly as I do.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Solina Mega L ultra-realistic dildo

Kate Sloan

Have you ever eaten a piece of fruit so juicy, so ripe, and so delicious, it made you feel grateful that fruits exist at all, and that you’re alive to experience them?

Yeah, that’s how the Solina Mega L dildo makes me feel about dicks. Let’s discuss.

 

Dual-density silicone, ultra-realism, & size

For at least as long as I’ve been in this biz, dual-density silicone has been the gold standard for realism in dildos. For those unfamiliar, “dual-density” refers to the two different hardnesses of silicone used in these toys: their core is made of firm silicone, while the outer layer is made of squishier silicone. As a result, dual-density silicone dildos feel much more like actual human penises than single-density ones do – and you get the pounding power of a firmer silicone, sheathed in some comfortable cushioning, for an all-around satisfying sensation.

Plenty of companies make dual-density silicone toys these days, like Tantus, Vixen Creations, and Uberrime. By comparison, Solina is a relatively new arrival to the scene, and they’re knocking it out of the park, as you’ll see below.

On the topic of size: I requested the large, which (contrary to its name) is actually the smallest Solina. It has 6.75″ of insertable length and a max diameter of 1.5″. For me personally, this is a great size to use on an average day, as I don’t need to warm up much to take it, but it feels filling enough and can even hit my A-spot (more on that below). The XL size is 7.6″ x 1.8″, while the XXL size is 8.25″ x 2″.

Things I like about the Solina Mega L

  • Here’s the headline: this is one of the most realistic-looking and realistic-feeling dildos I’ve ever tried. It features ridges, veins, and a subtly beautiful color ombré that remind me of some of my favorite cocks, and it’s just dreamy. Its verisimilitude lends it well to pairing with various fantasies (I jerked off to the thought of this dildo being an advanced humanoid sex robot’s dick just this morning, in fact!), and it could also be a gender-affirming pick for some transmasculine people to strap on.
  • Unlike some other dual-density toys I’ve tried, this toy’s silicone is hardly draggy at all, but instead is smooth and matte. This allows it to glide comfortably in and out when properly lubed (with water-based lube), and I’ve found that I can even skip lube with this dildo if I’m already wet enough, which is rare with silicone.
  • Truly one of the best things about the Solina Mega L is that it only costs FORTY DOLLARS! For a hyper-realistic, body-safe, dual-density silicone dildo! If you’re not clued into typical sex toy pricing, just trust me: those exclamation points are warranted. I’d generally expect a dildo of this quality to run you $80 to $130, so seeing it priced at $40 makes my heart happy, as someone who wants good sex toys to be accessible to anyone who wants them. The XL and XXL are pricier, at $60 and $70 respectively, but that’s still less than I would expect for toys of this caliber.
  • This toy has a flared base that makes it anal-safe – yay! Additionally, it’s compatible with strap-ons and (some) fucking machines, and it has a suction cup, so you can attach it to a hard, flat surface, like a floor or a shower wall, for hands-free usage. I love how versatile this dildo was designed to be.
  • This is a FANTASTIC blowjob dildo, if you’re into that – 10/10, no notes. The smoothness and squishiness of the silicone make it orally pleasing, and the dimensions don’t hurt my jaw. Maybe I should practice my deepthroating skills with this thing, come to think of it…

Things I don’t like about the Solina Mega L

  • My main struggle when using this toy is that, like some people I’ve dated, it’s a bit too straight for me (*rimshot*). It can definitely reach and stroke my G-spot and A-spot, as mentioned above, but would do so better if it had a slight curve. As is, I have to manually angle it pretty intensely to get it to hit those spots (by tilting the base of the toy downward, toward my butt), and sometimes that’s hard for my hands/arms to sustain.
  • As of yet, it doesn’t seem to be available in any other skin tones beyond the light-ish one seen here. I hope that that changes in the future, especially since realistic dildos can be gender-affirming for many folks when worn in a strap-on or similar, and in situations like that, it’s (obviously) preferable if your dildo matches the rest of your body. (Edited to add: My friends at Peepshow Toys told me that Solina dildos should be available in darker skin tones by early 2025, yayyy!)
Close-up on veiny texture

Final thoughts

I wish the Solina Mega L had been around when I first started giving sex advice, because people were always asking for budget-friendly dildo recommendations, and back then it was rare to see a decently-designed, body-safe dildo for under $50. But there are a lot more financially accessible options available now, like the Solina toys, and I’m thrilled about that.

With the Solina Mega L, for just $40, you get a mega-realistic dildo that looks gorgeous and works well in a broad variety of situations, from solo sex to strap-on sex to hands-free shower shenanigans. I think that’s a pretty fucking good deal!

 

This post was not sponsored. Thanks to my pals at Peepshow Toys for sending me this toy to try! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Mr. Hankey’s Toys “Perfect Penis”

Kate Sloan

Look, if you name your dildo the “Perfect Penis,” I’m gonna be curious about it.

I dig realistic dildos, so I was already intrigued by this one from the name and picture alone. But then I read this, in the product description on the Mr. Hankey’s website (emphasis mine):

The dimensions of our Perfect Penis dildo are tailored using Artificial Intelligence, a unique approach to dildo design in the market. Our A.I.-driven process considers a vast array of studies on preferred penis size, leading to a selection of dildos in various sizes with the ideal balance of length and width — a distinguishing feature that positions us as a cutting-edge leader in realistic dildo manufacturing.

I was confused about this at first, because every study I’ve ever read on penis size preference has indicated that average-ish dimensions tend to be most people’s ideal (which makes sense), and this toy has pretty comically large dimensions by contrast, as is par for the course with Mr. Hankey’s. So I emailed them for clarification, and my contact at the company told me that the small size of the Perfect Penis (6.5″ insertable length, diameter ranging from 1.4″ to 1.6″) was designed based on A.I.-compiled statistical averages of preferred penis dimensions from around the world, and the larger sizes of this toy are scaled-up versions of that.

What with A.I. being such a hot-button issue right now, this seemed like a topically relevant dildo to review 😂 Let’s see whether it lives up to its name…

Customization options & what I chose

The Perfect Penis comes in 4 different sizes, ranging from S to XXL. I already own plenty of realistic dildos in what one might call a “reasonable” size range, so I wanted to go a little “unreasonable” with this one, at least for my own orifices. I went with the medium size, which has an insertable length of 8″ and a diameter ranging from 2″ to 2.25″.

There are 4 different firmness options for this toy, and I decided on the “medium firm” one, because I wanted it to feel comparable to an actual erect dick.

There are also a whopping 25 different color options (including a few skin tones and a bunch of zanier shades), and I chose silver.

There’s also the option to get a Vac-U-Lock-compatible hole in the bottom of the toy, incase you want to use it with fucking machines, etc. that use the Vac-U-Lock system. I omitted that feature on mine because I don’t anticipate using it that way.

Gotta love a balls close-up

Things I like about this toy

  • I was nervous about the size at first, but with proper warm-up, I can handle it and it feels wonderful. I don’t really consider myself a size queen per se – my favorite dildos are spread far and wide across the size spectrum – but I do sometimes crave being filled up, or feel like fantasizing about archetypal big-dicked alpha bros or whatever, and having a truly massive dildo in my collection for those occasions is great. As with many flesh-and-blood dicks, this one is slightly slimmer at the tip than along the rest of the shaft, which makes insertion somewhat easier.
  • The medium firmness is A++. I generally prefer dual-density silicone for realistic dildos, since with those, you get the satisfyingly firm core and the comfortably squishy exterior, but this one is single-density and I think the medium firmness strikes a good balance. It can be a little uncomfortable as my vag stretches open upon first inserting it, but it allows for gratifyingly hard pounding when I’m warmed up enough for that, and having something hard to squeeze around makes my orgasms more intense.
  • Some dicks have a coronal ridge that makes you truly appreciate the genius of nature for designing the coronal ridge at all, and this dildo makes me feel that way too. The ridge is just dreamy, especially in this medium firmness and when doused in lube. It strokes across my whole front vaginal wall and can also provide more targeted G-spot stimulation if I aim it there. (As for A-spot stimulation, this dildo is less adept at that because it’s simply too thick to snuggle up in there, but it can pound that general area, which – given its many other pleasurable features – is good enough for me.)
  • The surface texture all along the toy is hyper-realistic, and stimulating without being overstimulating. If you like super veiny/textured dildos, this one might miss the mark for you because its texture is relatively subtle, but I like that it provides a tiny bit of “drag” against my vaginal walls without being uncomfortable.
  • I love the balls! They’re not just cute; they’re practical, too. This toy’s hefty base makes it much easier to use hands-free, since I can wedge the base of the dildo between my body and the bed and just rock against it while I use a clitoral vibe.
  • Undoubtedly the silliest thing on this list: For months, I have kept this dildo on my desk and used it daily as a stand for my phone. I set the phone upright on the balls and lean it against the shaft. This allows me to see when any texts come in, etc., without the phone constantly falling over from the vibration of every alert, which was an issue I previously had. It can also function as a stand for my iPad mini (see below), e-readers and books, and so on, which is genuinely useful for me as someone who’s frequently referring to various materials when writing. I’m seriously going to keep this toy on my desk and continue using it this way (when I’m not using it, y’know, the other way…) because it’s the perfect addition to a sex writer’s setup 😂

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • Almost anything I could write here would just be a matter of personal preference – it might be too big for some users, too firm, too realistic, etc.; you can decide for yourself if it sounds like it’d be up your alley (so to speak). The only more substantive drawback worth mentioning, IMO, is that this is quite heavy for a silicone dildo, as you might expect from looking at it, and so it’s not always easy for me to thrust it with my sore hands/arms. But, as mentioned, it can be used more-or-less hands-free, so that’s not too much of an issue.
  • Oh yeah, and it might be too heavy to comfortably use in a strap-on. You could give it a shot – the company suggests a 2.5″ O-ring – but I think the balls would become an issue.
Face for scale!

Final thoughts

As an advocate for body-positivity, I try not to use phrases like “perfect penis,” myself – not only because they can make people feel bad about their bodies for not living up to whatever I declare as “perfection,” but also because what is “perfect” for me will not be perfect for you, and vice-versa. Mr. Hankey’s says this right on the product page:

Understandably, some won’t find this to be their Perfect Penis, and if you are this person, please browse our website, as there is bound to be a Perfect Penis for everyone in our shop.

That being said, the Mr. Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis is certainly a beautiful cock, one that would look equally at home on an ancient Greek erotic statue as it would swinging between the legs of a modern-day porn star. It feels fantastic, too, like an over-the-top caricature of penile penetration. Do I always want sensations that intense? Fuck no. Do I want ’em real bad when I do indeed want ’em? Fuck yeah. And the Perfect Penis can deliver.

This is the third Mr. Hankey’s toy I’ve reviewed over the past few months (check out my previous reviews of the Captain’s Hook and Oni) and I’ve been super impressed with all of them. They are high-quality, beautifully designed, and exquisitely customizable. They have a dildo for pretty much any fantasy you can dream up, from getting railed by a sex robot to riding a banana. It’s lovely to see a company delighting in creating such beautiful, pleasurable toys. They may not be “perfect,” but each one is somebody’s version of perfect, and that’s really the important thing.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Mr. Hankey’s Toys Captain’s Hook dildo

Kate Sloan

When I put the Captain’s Hook from Mr. Hankey’s Toys inside me for the first time, I said out loud, “Oh, this is gonna be my new favorite silicone dildo.” I think I was right. Let’s talk about why.

 

What is the Captain’s Hook, and how can it be customized?

The lovely folks at Mr. Hankey’s told me I could choose any 3 toys from their site to review (the other 2 reviews will be published in July and August, respectively, so keep an eye out for that!). Their catalogue of products is extensive, so it took me a while to pick some out – but the Captain’s Hook was a “fuck yes” as soon as I saw it.

It’s a realistic (i.e. dick-like) dildo, but with a strong upward curve not often found in human dicks. I am a fan of penises, to say the least, and this is a pretty perfect one if you’re looking for more intense G-spot or prostate stimulation than most flesh-and-blood cocks can offer.

Mr. Hankey’s products are almost all customizable, and this one is no exception. You can choose between 4 different sizes (S–XL), 4 different firmness levels, and about a zillion different colors, plus you can tell them whether or not you want a Vac-U-Lock hole in the base so you can use the toy with Vac-U-Lock-compatible harnesses, fucking machines, etc. (although the brand points out that this particular toy isn’t recommended for fucking machines because it might rotate due to being too heavy).

For my Captain’s Hook, I went with the small size, medium firmness, red color, and no Vac-U-Lock hole. (If you want some help choosing your desired firmness, check out this video the brand made. I went with the medium because I knew I wanted it to feel impactful enough on my G-spot, but didn’t want its veiny texture to feel overwhelming, as super-firm textured dildos often do for me.)

Like many other fantasy dildo companies, Mr. Hankey’s toys tend to be on the larger side – so even though I chose the “small” Captain’s Hook, it’s still one of the girthiest dildos I own, with a diameter ranging from 2″ just under the head to 2.2″ near the base. Its insertable length is about 7″.

 

My experience with the Captain’s Hook + some tips

As with any large penetrative toy, I’d recommend getting really turned on before you attempt to get this bad boy inside you. I always warmed up with a lot of clitoral stimulation, fantasy/erotica/porn, etc. when testing it. It’s like stretching before you climb a mountain – simply the sensible thing to do! Fortunately, the tapered tip of this toy makes it easier to insert than it otherwise would be, especially when drizzled liberally with a good water-based lube.

Besides comfort and safety, the other reason to warm up beforehand is sensitivity. The G-spot and prostate both swell with arousal, making them easier to access and stimulate. And hoo boy, does this toy ever stimulate my G-spot. The substantial girth, deep curve, and defined coronal ridge all come together to form a G-spot homing device – a phrase I’ve previously only used to describe the stainless steel Njoy Pure Wand. Now, don’t get me wrong, the Captain’s Hook doesn’t feel like the Pure Wand, exactly – silicone doesn’t feel like steel! – but their effects on my G-spot are similarly prone to knocking the wind out of me and making me squirt.

However, maybe the most amazing thing to me about the Captain’s Hook is that it can also hit my A-spot!! It’s rare for a toy to be good at G-spot and A-spot stimulation, because usually the pronounced curve required for G-spot stim is incompatible with comfortably sliding deeply enough to hit the A-spot. But because I chose the medium firmness, this dildo has juuust enough flexibility that it straightens out somewhat when I push it deep, so that it can stroke my A-spot when that’s what I’m craving. When I pull it back out to a shallower position, it immediately re-forms into its strongly curved shape, like it’s transforming back into G-spot mode. Fucking brilliant dildo design, if you ask me!

Thrusting hard and fast with this dildo, when I’m super turned on, is so intense that I’ve sometimes thought I could have a penetrative orgasm from it. This is particularly amazing because, like the majority of people with vulvas, I require clitoral stimulation in order to get off – so, even though I’ve still never had an orgasm from penetration alone and might never, it definitely impresses me when a dildo makes that type of climax feel within reach. Also, notably, this dildo is so stimulating internally that I don’t tend to need as much clit stim in order to get off – in one testing session, for instance, I came while my Eroscillator was on its first speed, an event so rare that I can probably count on one hand how many times it’s happened in the 12 years I’ve owned an Eroscillator. WTF!

I didn’t try the Captain’s Hook anally, because frankly my butt isn’t that accommodating or that brave, but I bet this would be a killer prostate dildo too, if the dimensions were manageable for you.

 

Chonky base alert!

Other cool things about the Captain’s Hook

I don’t tend to “ride” my dildos, but this one has a big, chunky base that would make it suitable for that type of play. It doesn’t have a suction cup, but its flat bottom and heavy base allow it to stay put relatively well during riding, at least if you’re on a flat, hard surface. The flared base also makes it harness-compatible. I imagine someone fucking me with this dildo in their harness would be a wild time.

I also gotta say, I love the red color. It’s very striking, and reminds me (fittingly) of the actual Captain Hook’s iconic red coat. I’ll show you, you cowardly crocodile!

 

Some potential drawbacks to consider

The possible “cons” of this toy are about what you’d expect: some users will find it uncomfortably large, and the veiny texture (while relatively subtle, as far as fantasy dildos go) might feel too intense for some people, especially in a hard firmness and/or with insufficient lube.

This toy is also somewhat heavy for a silicone dildo, owing in part to its hefty base. I have muscle strength issues from fibro and sometimes found that my arm would get tired when thrusting hard and fast with this dildo for a while. Switching arms helps, of course, and so does adding more lube, because the less friction there is, the less hard I have to push and pull the toy.

 

Final thoughts

I love the Captain’s Hook. There are a lot of girthy realistic dildos that I enjoy when I’m in the mood for them, but don’t think I’ve ever tried one that hits my G-spot and A-spot as relentlessly as this one. It leaves me breathless, and sometimes makes me forget my clit even exists (…for a few minutes, anyway… I’ll never actually forget about you, baby!).

While certainly this dildo wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea due to its substantial size and extreme curve, for me it’s the ideal toy when I really want to be filled up and pounded. No other realistic dildo in my collection is as deeply curved as this one; dick-like dildos tend to be enjoyable moreso for how they “fill up the hungry spot” inside me (to quote Nina Hartley), not for how they target specific spots. So to have a toy that can do both is just… *chef’s kiss*!

 

Thanks to Mr. Hankey’s Toys for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.