realistic dildo

A Dildo Made to My Exact Specifications? Yes Please!

Kate Sloan
Triarx on the left, customized version on the right

There have been several exciting landmarks in my career as a sex toy reviewer. The first time I made my own dildo was one. The first time I got sent to an industry trade show was another. More recently, I got an email from West at the Pleasure Tailor, asking me if I wanted to try a version of their Triarx dildo… that was modified to my exact specifications. Now that’s an offer I can’t refuse!

You might remember the Pleasure Tailor from the time I designed my own dildo for them, which you can buy here. It’s called the Easy A and is designed to hit the A-spot – my favorite internal erogenous zone – while also being easy to hold and thrust with, even if you have strength/mobility issues in your hands, as I do.

A really wonderful thing about the Pleasure Tailor is that they let you customize any of their toys to suit your exact needs. Among the alterations they offer are size, color, firmness, finish, and how rigid or thick the core of the dildo is. So if, for instance, you liked my Easy A design but wanted one that was shorter, matte, or bright red instead, they could do that for you. Their company is aptly named because it reminds me of all the best experiences I’ve had with actual tailors. I went in with a garment that was ill-fitting and made me feel bad-to-meh about myself, and when I picked up the altered design a week or two later, it inevitably made me look and feel like a new woman – a hot woman, to be exact!

Likewise, the Pleasure Tailor can make you the dildo of your dreams. Let me tell you about the most recent thing they made for me.

Image via the Pleasure Tailor – standard Triarx on the right, modified version on the left

What is the Triarx and what modifications were made to it for me?

The Triarx is a realistic dildo designed by Felicity of Phallophile Reviews. Felicity has been reviewing toys for years, and her write-ups are so thorough and informative that I often reference them when I’m writing about particular toys or deciding whether I want to try a new toy that’s just been released.

As the name of her blog would suggest, she’s really into dildos – so of course, the one she designed with the Pleasure Tailor is a beaut. It’s made to be hyper-realistic, with lifelike veins and ridges that any cock aficionado can appreciate. It’s made of triple-density silicone, which means that it has a firm core and two progressively squishier layers of silicone around that, for a feeling that’s remarkably close to a flesh-and-blood dick. It’s got a suction-cup base for hands-free use, and even has a prominent “vein” running along the top of the shaft that’s designed to hit your clit while you thrust.

I adore realistic dildos, when I’m in the mood for them (which is often), and this one is on par with my faves from Vixen Creations and Tantus in terms of quality, realism and pleasure.

West at the Pleasure Tailor had the brilliant idea to send me a Triarx as well as a custom-modified version of the same toy, so I could compare the two. He made the following changes for my modded Triarx:

  • Lengthened the toy from 6.5 to 7 inches of insertable length, to enable it to hit the A-spot
  • Made the head slightly slimmer/more tapered so it can nestle into the A-spot more easily without bumping my cervix uncomfortably
  • Intensified the curve at the tip for more targeted A-spot action
  • Removed the veins (I’ve got nothing against texture on a dildo, necessarily; it’s just not something I crave or get much additional pleasure from)
  • Decreased the dragginess of the silicone by making it smoother
  • Made the firm core thicker so the whole dildo feels more rigid
  • Added a small tab of silicone to the base that lines up with the top side of the toy, so I’ll always know if it’s oriented correctly while it’s inside me

I hope this gives you an idea of the types of modifications you can request from the Pleasure Tailor, because they really are terrific. They can turn a dildo that’d work okay for you into one that might just become your new fave.

Triarx on the left, customized version on the right

My experience with the Triarx

The original Triarx, I have to say, is pretty great. It’s not entirely my cup of tea, for reasons I’ll get into, but I think a lot of people would enjoy it. Its diameter is 1.75″ – midway between the formidable VixSkin Mustang (1.5″) and Maverick (2″) – so it gives me a pleasantly “filled-up” feeling without requiring several minutes of warm-up.

It’s a very G-spot-focused dildo, as it was designed to be. I could definitely squirt with it if I thrusted it hard and fast enough, for long enough. I can push it deeper inside me and it will hit my A-spot to some extent, but it feels a bit awkward trying to jam something so thick into that petite nook in front of my cervix.

The triple-density silicone is incredibly fun to squeeze on; it feels like a stress ball. This dildo’s squishiness-to-rigidity ratio is perfect for intensifying my orgasms; I can distinctly feel every orgasmic contraction but they never feel like pain mixed with pleasure, as they can sometimes if I’m using a super-firm dildo.

The vein meant to hit the clit stands no chance of hitting mine, though. I would have to bend the dildo so far in that direction that its tip would be poking the wall between my vag and butt, which isn’t a sexy sensation for me. But it’s a cool idea and I imagine it’d work for some people, especially those whose clit is closer to their vaginal opening than mine is. And the vein does help me orient the dildo/keep it upright inside me, because it’s visually evident even while most of the toy is inside me.

Speaking of veins, the overall texture of this dildo – while I’m sure it would make some people very happy – doesn’t really work for me. No matter how much lube I drizzle on, it overstimulates my vaginal walls and gives me a slightly uncomfortable “been fucked hard” feeling. I know some people are into that, though.

Triarx on the left, customized version on the right

My experience with my modified Triarx

As soon as I inserted this custom-modified version of the Triarx into my vag, I noticed how much better it felt for me. The smooth silicone felt like heaven against my vaginal walls compared to the roughness of the original Triarx’s veins. The tip slid easily into my A-spot right away, with minimal effort on my part. I could tell that my spot was being hit more directly because I felt that familiar “oh yes” rightness that always accompanies the moment of a partner touching my A-spot for the first time in a session.

Because the shaft gets slightly thicker the more you insert it, this modded version still feels very filling and satisfying, and is a delight to come on. The orgasms with this toy are no better and no worse than those with the original Triarx, just different: they feel like they happen deeper inside me, because of all the A-spot stimulation going on, but it’s also not quite as pleasurable to squeeze on the modded version because it’s less squishy. You win some, you lose some. (A dildo this long would be hard to maneuver if it was squishier.)

I can hit my G-spot with the modified Triarx too, if I thrust it more shallowly. But I tend to prefer firmer G-spot stimulation, so I don’t often reach for realistic dildos for this purpose anyway.

Overall this is one of the better A-spot dildos I’ve tried, which is funny because the dildo it’s based on wasn’t an A-spot dildo at all! That just goes to show how clever the folks at the Pleasure Tailor are at making your erogenous zones’ dreams come true.

 

Final thoughts

The original Triarx is good, but my modified version – for my particular body, anyway – is spectacular. It’s optimized for A-spot stimulation while retaining all the qualities I loved in the original.

It’s also a testament to the wonders of human creativity – and a love letter to A-spotty dicks. Basically, I adore it – and I think that if you want a dildo to be modified to suit your anatomy and preferences as closely as possible, you’ve absolutely gotta check out the Pleasure Tailor.

 

This review was not sponsored; I just genuinely think the Pleasure Tailor is doing cool shit and deserves to be hyped up. Of course, the dildos were sent to me free of charge, but as ever, all writing and opinions in this post are my own.

Realistic vs. Non-Realistic Dildos: Which Should You Get?

Kate Sloan
A Fleshjack dildo cuddling with the Easy A

Is there any type of sex toy as hotly debated as the realistic dildo?

Okay, yes, almost certainly there is. Moral panics arise perennially about people becoming “dependent” on vibrators, there has been much kerfuffle over whether sex dolls are inherently sexist, and “fisting dildos” often inspire medically-uninformed concerns about people’s holes getting stretched out. (That hypothesis is a myth, folks!)

But if we’re talking about the type of sex toy that is most commonly debated, argued over, and fretted about, obviously the answer has got to be the realistic dildo. Many cis men worry that they won’t be able to “compete” with a partner’s dildo if it’s cocklike, especially if it’s larger than their actual dick. Many lesbians have had their sexual identity questioned or dismissed if they use/like realistic dildos, despite the facts that 1) toys are not necessarily reflective of their users’ real-life desires and attractions, and 2) some women have penises so desiring dicks isn’t inherently un-sapphic at all. Straight men who use realistic dildos may be misidentified as gay or bi, because (again) many people falsely equate choice of toy with sexual orientation. Using a realistic dildo can be a clusterfuck in more ways than one!

Given all this fervent discourse/di(ck)scourse, one might assume that realistic dildos are the only dildos available, but that isn’t the case: many sex toy companies make non-representational dildos, designed to hit those tucked-away erogenous zones or fulfill wild fantasies. Basically, whatever image pops to mind for you when you see the word “dildo,” just be aware that there’s way more out there!

If you’re in the market for a new dildo but having trouble deciding which route to go, fear not – today I’m breaking down the key factors that might lead you to go realistic or non-realistic. Let’s begin this penetrating analysis…

 

Who should get a realistic dildo?

  • Someone who fetishizes dicks or just thinks they’re hot. (Hellooo, it me.)
  • Someone who wants their new strap-on dildo to look like a real dick, whether that’s for gender affirmation reasons or any other reason. I have many trans and nonbinary friends who initially explored their burgeoning Gender Feelings this way, whether or not they were fully aware that’s what they were doing at the time.
  • Someone who wants a dildo that has the comfortable squishiness/flexibility of a flesh-and-blood dick. Granted, not all realistic dildos have this (and some non-realistic ones do, too), but generally, realistic ones are gonna be toward the squishier end of the spectrum and therefore might be comfier for some folks.
  • Someone who finds that the shape of a penis works well for their anatomy. The coronal ridge on a cock can feel great on the G-spot or prostate, for example. Non-realistic toys can be stimulating in all sorts of ways, but if you know you really crave that “mushroom head” shape inside you, a realistic dildo is probably the way to go.
  • Someone who makes porn, does cam shows, etc. While some viewers may want to see you using non-realistic toys, in my experience the vast majority of porn/cam show consumers are cis straight men who want your toys to function as a proxy for their dick. Realistic dildos work well for this, whether you’re kneeling below the camera to shoot a POV blowjob scene, sprawled out on your bed fucking yourself with the toy, or affixing it via suction cup to a wall so you can bounce on it.
  • Someone who is in a long-distance relationship with a penis-possessing person and wants to be able to take sexy photos/videos with a silicone facsimile of their partner’s cock. (Or, alternatively, someone whose partner is transmasculine and might appreciate some gender-affirming custom porn.) If you like to have Zoom/FaceTime/Skype sex, it can also be nice to use toys that actually resemble parts of your partner’s body, so you feel like you’re physically together. If you can’t find a dildo that approximates your sweetie’s dimensions, ask them to make a Clone-a-Willy for you. It’s basically like copying-and-pasting a penis.

 

Who should get a non-realistic dildo?

  • Someone who is squicked out by penises or just doesn’t find them attractive. There’s no shame in admitting this – your sex toys are meant to turn you on, and to make you feel good, not to gross you out! (Unless you’re into being grossed out, that is…)
  • Someone who is threatened by (or has a partner who is threatened by) the thought of incorporating a penis-like toy into their play, and isn’t interested in interrogating or unlearning that reaction. As a reminder: sex toys are tools, not your competition… but I also understand that a lot of us have so much strife to discuss with our therapists these days (should we be lucky enough to have one) that dildo anxiety may not be at the top of your list at the moment!
  • Someone who likes to have specific internal erogenous zones stimulated intensely and specifically. Some non-realistic dildos may have, for example, a severe G-spot/P-spot curve, or a tapered tip that slips nicely into the A-spot. When sex educators say, “Some dildos can do things that dicks simply cannot do,” this is generally what we mean.
  • Someone who likes firm penetration. You can find firm realistic toys, but the body-safe ones tend to be made of silicone, and silicone (like human cocks) can only get so hard. Glass, metal, wood, and ceramic, on the other hand, can fuck you just as firmly as you please.
  • Someone who fantasizes about mythical creatures or sci-fi characters and wants a toy that mirrors what’s inside their head. Do you dream of getting dicked down by a dragon, rendezvousing with a robot, or being manhandled by a manticore? Chances are, there’s a dildo for that!
  • Someone who’s interested in temperature play. Materials like metal, glass, and ceramic hold their temperature better and longer than silicone, so generally you’re gonna find better toys for this purpose in the non-realistic category. Pop your toy into a bowl of cool (not ice-cold) or warm (not piping hot) water for a few minutes before playing, and you’ll experience the pleasures of temp play.
  • Someone who has an appreciation for art and aesthetics. That’s not to say penises can’t be gorgeous (my spouse’s is basically a Rembrandt), but they don’t tend to have the visual pizzazz of an elegant metal dildo or a colorful glass one. Plus you can’t exactly display a veiny dick on your nightstand and call it decor, unless you’re, like, Betty Dodson or Andy Warhol.
  • Someone who plans to post photos of their dildo on social media. (Look, I don’t know your life.) A lot of social media platforms will remove images that their algorithms flag as containing nudity, even if what’s being depicted is actually a silicone cock and not a flesh-and-blood one. You can even get banned for posting naughty pics like this, although non-realistic dildos tend to slip past the censors’ sensors uncensured.

 

Who could be happy with either?

  • Someone who just doesn’t have strong preferences either way, even after reading all of the above info.
  • Someone who wants to practice being penetrated, whether that’s because they plan to have sex for the first time soon and want to be prepared, or they haven’t had sex in a while and want to make sure it’ll be comfy when it happens, or they’re exploring a hole they haven’t had penetrated much or ever. You can get both realistic and non-realistic dildos in a broad range of sizes; it’s up to you whether you’d rather practice on something realistically cock-like or something smoother and simpler.
  • Someone who wants to wield a strap-on but has no strong feelings about what their penile prosthesis should look like. If that’s your situation, it might be best to defer to your partner(s) and get whatever they’d most like to be penetrated by. At the very least, you should take their size preferences into account, and ideally pick something that targets their fave internal erogenous zone.
  • Someone who intends to build a wide-ranging sex toy collection over time. You gotta start somewhere!

 

Do you have a preference for one type of dildo over the other? Why do you think that is?

 

Thanks to the folks at Honeysx for sponsoring this post! Check out their informational article, “Dildos 101: Everything You Know About Dildos,” for more details. As always, all writing and opinions here are my own.

Review: Spartacus Blown Large Realistic Glass Dildo

Kate Sloan

You might think being a sex toy reviewer for nearly a decade would’ve expanded my sexual horizons – and in many ways, it has. But in other ways, it’s just allowed me to hone in on which types of toys I really, really like, and skew my collection more and more in the direction of things I specifically adore.

On that note, I will confess to you that there are basically only 2 categories of insertable toys I unreservedly love: glass dildos, and realistic silicone dildos. Sure, there are outliers – chief among them, the stainless steel Njoy Eleven and the lacquered wood NobEssence Seduction – but for the most part, I know what I like and I stick to that.

That’s why it’s such a surprise that it’s taken me this long to acquire and try the Spartacus Blown Large Realistic Glass Dildo (phew, what a mouthful… and a vag-ful). As far as I’m concerned, it’s the best of both worlds: a realistic cock, made of glass. The good folks at Mindful were generous enough to send me one from their extensive smorgasbord of dildos.

Let me say this right upfront: you will not enjoy this dildo if you like internal stimulation that is all soft strokes and satisfying squish. If that’s your deal, but you want something of comparable dimensions, get a VixSkin Bandit instead. This glass dildo is for people who like to get fucked hard, with large, unforgiving objects. People, in other words, like me!

See, the thing is, I love realistic dildos because I love flesh-and-blood cocks. I eroticize the shape of them, the idea, and – sure – the actual physical sensations of them. I know dicks aren’t everyone’s jam, so I won’t try to argue that something about the shape of the coronal ridge and veined shaft of a cock is “designed” to “naturally” pleasure the inside of a vagina. But for me, that feels true. The right dick – paired with lube, a good vibrator, and a partner with decent stamina, patience, and aim – can get me off easily and excellently. This is why I gravitate toward dildos that look like this much-revered human appendage.

But on the other end of the spectrum are glass dildos. Obviously, there are some things dildos can do that flesh dicks simply cannot (and vice versa), and those differences are particularly apparent in toys made of glass. My most sensitive internal spots – the G-spot and the A-spot – tend to like firm pressure once they’re turned on, and sometimes even the hardest of erections just isn’t as hard as I would prefer. It’s not through any failing of these cocks’ owners; it’s just a fact of human biology.

This toy, by contrast, is if like you were hooking up with someone who had one of the biggest* and most pleasurable cocks you’d ever experienced, and suddenly a witch cast a spell on them and turned them to stone (or, in this case, glass). Yeah, that would be horrifying. But also… for me at least, their dick would suddenly start feeling at least 20% better. (Now that I think about it, this sounds like a fantasy that my death-fetishist friend Dick Wound might be into…)

*Important note for those of you who might be worried: bigger does not always equal better. Big dicks are just one item on the menu at the sex buffet. For some people, it’s their favorite item and all they ever prefer. Some people will always like smaller penetration, or none at all. As for me, I’m sometimes a size queen and sometimes I want something smaller, gentler, and/or more targeted. Don’t @ me about this. Your dick is great no matter what size it is, I promise. I just… don’t need to hear details about it in the comments section, okay? 😘

Love a realistic frenulum and coronal ridge.

This Spartacus glass dildo boasts 8 inches of insertable length and a diameter of 1.75 inches at its widest point. That’s pretty hefty, especially if you keep in mind that glass toys tend to feel bigger than silicone toys of the same dimensions because they have no give. I have to be pretty warmed up to take this one, but once I am, it’s incredibly satisfying: the tight fit enables me to feel all the subtle-yet-important veins running along the toy, and there’s more than enough length to reach my A-spot with the tip while the shaft strokes against my G-spot. I find that orgasms, especially, are enhanced by the hugeness and hardness of this toy: my vag clenches around it, pushing it yet more firmly against my erogenous zones in a rhythmic manner while I come. It reminds me of some qualities I love about the Double Trouble, only without the spot-targeting curves.

Yes, this Spartacus dildo is straight as fuck. (I am not commenting on its sexual orientation, which I don’t know. I mean its shape.) Normally I think it’s a bad idea for a toy to be this firm and this curveless; toys along these lines have caused me great pain and discomfort before. Indeed, I do have to be rrrreally turned on and rrrreally lubed up before this toy will start to feel good. But once it’s comfortably inserted, I can use the balls at the base to easily angle the tip upward, into my A-spot, so it bypasses my cervix and rams into only the area that likes to be rammed. However, obviously your mileage may vary – I would be wary of this one if you’ve had a lot of trouble with cervix-bashing toys before and haven’t found angling to be helpful in that regard.

Let’s talk about those balls, though… Balls on realistic dildos are highly controversial among sex toy nerds. Some people hate ’em, some love ’em, some don’t pay the slightest attention to ’em. I’m mostly in that latter category, but I do think that in this case they were a wise choice. As someone whose chronic illness sometimes manifests as pain and weakness in my hands and arms, it’s really important to me that dildos be easy to thrust and manipulate. The base of this dildo – which is wider than normal bases, due to the inclusion of balls – makes it possible for me to angle the toy as needed and thrust it just by rhythmically bumping the heel of my hand against the bottom, even on bad pain days. With the addition of the toy’s prominent veins, this can create a lot of sensation with minimal effort – score. If you want a similar toy without balls, Spartacus makes a ball-less one that’s just a little bit smaller (7″ by 1.5″).

The flared base of this toy makes it anal-safe – and also, fascinatingly, makes it harness-compatible. It’s really hot to think about getting fucked by someone who has a glass cock strapped on – although, if you try this, please be careful; it would be all too easy to painfully ram someone with this toy if you couldn’t feel what you were doing.

My partner has fucked me with this toy by hand and they noted that it’s easy to thrust (thanks again, balls!) and very pretty to look at. The veins make it a bit of a nightmare to clean, but if you scrub it with a washcloth or scrub brush while you’re soaping it up, you should be alright.

Overall I’m quite enamored with this Spartacus glass dildo. I hope we start to see more toys crop up in the “realistic glass” category. Dicks are lovely; glass is lovely; the combination of the two is a joy.

 

Thanks so much to Mindful for sending me this dildo to review! They have a fantastic selection of dildos in countless different shapes, sizes, and materials for you to peruse. Did you know that they rebranded recently? They used to be called My First Blush; I gotta say I like the name Mindful better! Their mission is all about providing high-quality products and exceptional customer service. Sounds good to me!

This post was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: VixSkin Bandit + Fleshlight Go Torque Ice

Kate Sloan

As I’ve said here many times before, sex toys are not – and are not meant to be – replacements for human partners. In fact, they can enhance sex with a partner, sometimes by a lot.

I have two toys to review today which perfectly illustrate that principle. They’re both ostensibly meant to replicate human genitals in some sense, and yet – if you so desire – they can make you feel closer to your partner, rather than farther from them. Let’s talk about fake dicks and fake vaginas!

The VixSkin Bandit is a formidable silicone cock by Vixen Creations, still one of the biggest names in the realistic-dildo game. It’s perhaps best known as a favorite dildo of Erika Moen’s. Prior to Just Mindful sending me the Bandit to try, it had been over five years since I last acquired a new VixSkin toy. Between the G-spotty Mustang and its thicker cousin the Maverick, I just didn’t feel I needed another big, squishy dick in my life… but then, the more that I looked at the Bandit online, the more I thought, Maybe I do need one after all.

With its 7″ of insertable length and 1.75″ diameter, this dildo is – to quote Brendan Fraser in Bedazzled – “big… not, like, practical-joke big, but, you know.” It’s what the McElroy brothers might call a “beefy boy.” It fills me up without testing my vag’s limits, and that’s a surprisingly hard balance to strike.

It’s long enough to hit my A-spot – joy of joys! Vixen’s dual-density silicone formulation is softer than I generally prefer in an A-spot toy, so the blended orgasms it produces aren’t as intense as they might be if something firmer was rubbing against that spot, but that’s a minor quibble.

Here’s what I mean, though, when I say that this dildo can enhance partnered sex. As I’ve mentioned before, penis-in-vagina sex can give me a lot of anxieties, ranging from “Am I taking too long to come?” to “Is he getting tired?” to “Does my face look weird?” But to my chagrin, PIV still features prominently in my fantasy life. There are few things hotter to me than getting fucked deeply and thoroughly – and few things that make me come as hard. So you see my predic(k)ament. However, if and when I have a partner who’s cool with using a realistic dildo on me, I can reap many of the benefits of PIV, without nearly as many weird fears chipping away at my arousal. This is especially true if – as with my current partner – the person wielding the dildo is open to talking about it as if it were their actual cock. It’s a known fact that my boyfriend talking dirty about fucking me can get me off, no problem, and that becomes even more true when he’s slamming a silicone dick into my A-spot just right, again and again.

He enjoys fucking me with the Bandit, too, for similar reasons. Apparently when you use a dildo on someone that roughly matches your skin tone and, ideally, your cock’s dimensions, it’s easy to imagine that it is your cock. Many men have anxieties about not lasting “long enough” or staying “hard enough,” and I wish more of them would believe me when I tell them using dildos is a great way to deal with this. You can give someone exquisite pleasure with a toy – and you can also fuck them with parts of your actual body, before or after using the toy or even while you’re using it. (DP, anyone?) Not to mention, sex’s psychological and visual aspects are a big deal for many people, and you can derive a lot of those joys just as much from a dildo as you can from your dick.

Along similar lines… the Fleshlight Go Torque Ice is a masturbator that plays into exhibitionistic/voyeuristic desires and can make a solo act into a spectator activity. I requested it for my boyfriend because, as the “Ice” in its name denotes, it’s see-through. I’ve watched many amateur porn scenes where men jerked off into one of these things, and it always turns me on, for very simplistic reasons: I like dicks, and I like watching dicks experience pleasure and orgasm.

Granted, watching a cock through this Fleshlight isn’t like watching it through a plate glass window; it’s textured, so it visually distorts and obscures the dick to some degree. But you still get a better view than you would get if its user were using an opaque masturbator or even just their hand.

My partner reports that this toy fits his bigger-than-average cock well without feeling too tight (the same can’t be said for the Tenga 3D Spiral he previously bought and had to retire after several futile attempts to make it work). This is true in spite of the fact that the “Go” size is 7″, compared to the 9″ length of a standard Fleshlight. He likes the internal texture and says it works well for stroking, twisting, or both at once.

This toy has all the usual downsides reported by Fleshlight users, most annoyingly the need to dissemble and clean it pretty much immediately after use. You must always do this, and let it air-dry before reassembling it, unless you have a kink for getting mold on your dick. (Personally, I’d rather blow a fun guy than fungi.) My partner also notes that the plastic casing feels cheap, the “SuperSkin” material (thermoplastic elastomer) smells slightly weird, and air escaping from the toy creates an off-putting wheezing noise during use that can be distracting.

But overall, it’s a fave. He comes reliably hard using it, and says he reaches for it when he wants an orgasm that feels more like a mouth or a vag than his own lubed-up hand can approximate. That’s exactly what a masturbator aspires to achieve. Plus, in this case, letting me watch cum shoot out of my partner’s dick.

 

This post was sponsored, and Just Mindful sent me these products for my honest and unbiased reviews. Check out their masturbator collection and their realistic dildo collection for more like these! As always, all writing and opinions are my own (and, in this case, my boyfriend’s).

Review: Fuze Foreman

Kate Sloan

“If my dick was a dildo, would you give it a good review?”

You can file this question under “things people ask sex toy reviewers that they would never think to ask anyone else.” You can also file it under “questions you should think carefully before answering truthfully.”

‘Cause let’s be real. Flesh-and-blood penises rarely hit my G-spot unrelentingly like the Pure Wand, stroke my A-spot thrillingly like the Tsunami, or fill me up like the Eleven. They don’t, because they can’t. It would be physiologically unthinkable. And that’s fine. Dicks are fantastic, and sex toys are fantastic, and there’s not a perfect overlap between their arenas of usefulness, but of course there wouldn’t be. Sex toys don’t respond to the touch of my tongue, moan in my ear, read my responses to discern what I’ll want next, call me a good girl, or smack me around. Sex toys are not the partner I want; they are tools that can be used by me, or by my partner(s), to give me particular sensations that I want. Human beings are more than the physical sensations they provide.

I bring this up to help explain: if the Fuze Foreman was a flesh-and-blood dick attached to someone I liked – or even a strap-on dick worn by someone I liked – I would adore it. But it’s not; it’s a piece of silicone I fuck myself with, and I have different standards for those than I do for phalluses cute people fuck me with.

In my orgasm spreadsheet (nerd!), the Foreman only appears in the “dildo” column alongside other dildos, never by itself. The reason for this: I get bored of it quickly, and switch to other toys in due course. Its 1.43″ diameter is small compared to the dildos I love most, and with just 5.5″ of useable length, it barely grazes my A-spot and can’t consistently stroke it in the way that I like.

It’s designed to look like an uncircumcised penis. Aesthetically, I appreciate this; in use, not so much. The “foreskin” makes the head of this dildo smoother and less pronounced than more G-spotty realistic dildos, so there’s none of that popping sensation that a more defined head provides for my G-spot. The Foreman feels okay, especially if I’m fantasizing about getting fucked by someone mega-cute, but there are so many other options that feel so much better to me. My vagina is a busy lady and has no time for subpar penetration.

However, I’m an optimist (a cocktimist?), so I found a silver lining: I loooove the Foreman for blowjobs. If you are in the market for a dildo to put in your mouth – whether it’s going to be strapped onto someone else at the time, or you just want the solo sensory satisfaction of suckin’ on a dong – realistic Fuze dildos are some of my favorites to suggest. The glossy-versus-matte ratio of their silicone feels fairly realistic, especially when wet and heated, and the various veins and imperfections are a treat for the tongue. I’ve been practicing my deepthroating on the Foreman recently, and it gives me a lot of the same pleasure I get from blowing a human. Plus it looks remarkably realistic in beej-themed cam shows and Snapchat clips.

Like many Fuze dildos, the Foreman is also optimized for strap-on play. It’s designed to angle upward in the way erect factory-installed dicks often do, and it’s got a ridged base so the wearer gets some clitoral friction during use. It’s even got a little hole at the base that a bullet vibe can go into… although, honestly, I mostly use that as a finger-hole while blowing this dildo, like it’s a bowling ball. (Or a “blowing” ball?! Har-de-har-har…)

When I want to get properly fucked by a silicone dick, I’ll still reach for my Mustang, Maverick, Sam, or Uncut. They all hit my spots more accurately and fill me up more satisfyingly than the Foreman does. But when I’m in the mood to suck a cock and there are no flesh-and-blood ones immediately available to me, I’m likelier to grab the Fuze Foreman than any of those other ones. It fits in my mouth like a dream. And it even shares a name with a certain hot doctor from House, M.D.!

 

Thanks very much to SheVibe for sending me this product to review!