realistic dildo

Review: Fuze Foreman

Kate Sloan

“If my dick was a dildo, would you give it a good review?”

You can file this question under “things people ask sex toy reviewers that they would never think to ask anyone else.” You can also file it under “questions you should think carefully before answering truthfully.”

‘Cause let’s be real. Flesh-and-blood penises rarely hit my G-spot unrelentingly like the Pure Wand, stroke my A-spot thrillingly like the Tsunami, or fill me up like the Eleven. They don’t, because they can’t. It would be physiologically unthinkable. And that’s fine. Dicks are fantastic, and sex toys are fantastic, and there’s not a perfect overlap between their arenas of usefulness, but of course there wouldn’t be. Sex toys don’t respond to the touch of my tongue, moan in my ear, read my responses to discern what I’ll want next, call me a good girl, or smack me around. Sex toys are not the partner I want; they are tools that can be used by me, or by my partner(s), to give me particular sensations that I want. Human beings are more than the physical sensations they provide.

I bring this up to help explain: if the Fuze Foreman was a flesh-and-blood dick attached to someone I liked – or even a strap-on dick worn by someone I liked – I would adore it. But it’s not; it’s a piece of silicone I fuck myself with, and I have different standards for those than I do for phalluses cute people fuck me with.

In my orgasm spreadsheet (nerd!), the Foreman only appears in the “dildo” column alongside other dildos, never by itself. The reason for this: I get bored of it quickly, and switch to other toys in due course. Its 1.43″ diameter is small compared to the dildos I love most, and with just 5.5″ of useable length, it barely grazes my A-spot and can’t consistently stroke it in the way that I like.

It’s designed to look like an uncircumcised penis. Aesthetically, I appreciate this; in use, not so much. The “foreskin” makes the head of this dildo smoother and less pronounced than more G-spotty realistic dildos, so there’s none of that popping sensation that a more defined head provides for my G-spot. The Foreman feels okay, especially if I’m fantasizing about getting fucked by someone mega-cute, but there are so many other options that feel so much better to me. My vagina is a busy lady and has no time for subpar penetration.

However, I’m an optimist (a cocktimist?), so I found a silver lining: I loooove the Foreman for blowjobs. If you are in the market for a dildo to put in your mouth – whether it’s going to be strapped onto someone else at the time, or you just want the solo sensory satisfaction of suckin’ on a dong – realistic Fuze dildos are some of my favorites to suggest. The glossy-versus-matte ratio of their silicone feels fairly realistic, especially when wet and heated, and the various veins and imperfections are a treat for the tongue. I’ve been practicing my deepthroating on the Foreman recently, and it gives me a lot of the same pleasure I get from blowing a human. Plus it looks remarkably realistic in beej-themed cam shows and Snapchat clips.

Like many Fuze dildos, the Foreman is also optimized for strap-on play. It’s designed to angle upward in the way erect factory-installed dicks often do, and it’s got a ridged base so the wearer gets some clitoral friction during use. It’s even got a little hole at the base that a bullet vibe can go into… although, honestly, I mostly use that as a finger-hole while blowing this dildo, like it’s a bowling ball. (Or a “blowing” ball?! Har-de-har-har…)

When I want to get properly fucked by a silicone dick, I’ll still reach for my Mustang, Maverick, Sam, or Uncut. They all hit my spots more accurately and fill me up more satisfyingly than the Foreman does. But when I’m in the mood to suck a cock and there are no flesh-and-blood ones immediately available to me, I’m likelier to grab the Fuze Foreman than any of those other ones. It fits in my mouth like a dream. And it even shares a name with a certain hot doctor from House, M.D.!

 

Thanks very much to SheVibe for sending me this product to review!

Review: Godemiche Adam

Kate Sloan

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It takes a lot for a sex toy to get my attention these days. There comes a point where they all start to blend together. But when you’re offered an 8″ hunk of swirled green and yellow silicone from an up-and-coming company, you say yes. Or I do, anyway.

I actually gasped out loud when the folks at SheVibe emailed me about the Godemiche Adam. The colors are arresting. The colorway I own is called “Gamma Ray” but the toy also comes in “Phoenix Rising,” “Purple Phantom,” and “Gold Member.” If you wanna feel like an alien queen from Planet Glitterfemme, you could also get one in sparkly pink. (There aren’t enough heart-eyes emojis in the world for this shit, frankly.)

Shape-wise, I wasn’t expecting the Adam to do much for me. Its shaft is straight all the way along, and I typically prefer toys with a curve: a big curve for my G-spot, or a small curve for my A-spot. However, I was pleasantly surprised by what the Adam can accomplish.

imageIts coronal ridge is relentless. This is the type of drastic ridge that can either feel fantastic or painful, depending on your anatomy (and your level of arousal). When I’m properly turned on and lubed up, that ridge slides across my G-spot with every thrust, pushing and pulling against it until I feel like I might burst and/or squirt. But there are definitely times when I’m less aroused and it just feels like some sharp-nailed femme is ineptly fingering me. Be extra sure to take your time warming up for this dildo, unless you’re a total pro. And pour water-based lube on that sucker.

My Adam is the 8″ version. Godemiche also makes a 6″ Adam, but I’m glad I went for the longer one; I figured it’d stand a better chance of hitting my A-spot, and I was right. The tip is slightly tapered, so it makes delightful A-spot contact when I slide the toy inside me as deep as it’ll go. In fact, if I thrust the toy just so, I can get it to hit my G-spot on the outstroke and my A-spot on the instroke. Aaaamazing.

After the head and coronal ridge, the rest of Adam’s shaft is straight and uniform. Its 1.8″ diameter makes it feel deliciously substantial when I’m coming around it, but sometimes in the lead-up to orgasm, my vagina wishes there was a little more texture on that shaft. Veins, ripples, a foreskin ridge, whatever. If you’re a texture fiend, you might be bored by the Adam.

The silicone itself is one of the firmer formulations I’ve encountered. It might be partly because of how thick and substantial the Adam is, but I get barely any squish or bend out of it. That’s fine with me, since my internal erogenous zones tend to like pressure. However, if you’re looking for something more forgiving and gentle, I’d recommend VixSkin instead.

Overall, though, I was surprised by how much I like the Godemiche Adam. To the naked eye, it looks like a pretty standard realistic dildo, albeit more psychedelic than the average dong. But it actually strikes a delicate balance that a lot of dildos don’t: it hits my G-spot wonderfully, is long enough to get up in my A-spot, has enough heft to feel satisfying without feeling overwhelming, and is easy to thrust fast (which I do, a lot). And it looks beautiful in my pink harness. Dammit, Godemiche; you made this grizzled old dildo veteran feel something again. Something like love.

 

Thanks to SheVibe for providing me with this toy to review!

Review: Tantus Sam

Kate Sloan

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Last year, I had a fuckbuddy who would tease me about being a size queen. I’d show up at his house toting my Eleven or my Double Trouble, and he’d jibe, “You seem to like big toys.” This always made me blush and deny his assertion, because there’s a certain amount of stigma that comes with being a size queen… but the other reason I disagreed with him was that his comment wasn’t quite right. I don’t like big toys; I like toys that hit my internal erogenous zones really well. And while girth or length can help with that, they certainly don’t guarantee it.

I thought about this a lot while testing the Tantus Sam, a new addition to Tantus’ outstanding line of dual-density silicone toys. The Sam was marketed explicitly toward fans of large toys. At 1.8″ in diameter and 7.3″ long, it is indeed pretty huge. Not the biggest I’ve had, but still substantial. However, for all its enormity, it barely even does what I need a dildo to do: hit my favorite internal spots.

imageThe texture of the Sam’s shaft is ridged with veins. They’re highly realistic-looking, continuing Tantus’ pattern of producing gorgeously convincing realistic dildos over the past few years. While the veins drag across my G-spot with every thrust, they also drag across my whole vaginal wall, so the stimulation doesn’t feel targeted. If I don’t use enough lube (or don’t reapply often enough), this texture can even feel abrasive.

The significant length of the Sam means I can’t get it all the way into me – not even close. When shoved in as far as it’ll go, the toy’s tip nudges my A-spot, but it’s not tapered enough to really get up in there. Sometimes I bash into my cervix with it when I try.

The toy’s coronal ridge frequently irritates my vag, catching on skin – just for a second, but for long enough that I register pain and get pulled out of the moment.

Don’t get me wrong – I’ve had some fabulous orgasms with the Sam. But it’s made me realize something about the way my vagina operates. Girthy penetration intensifies my actual orgasm, giving me something to squeeze around when those involuntary muscle contractions hit – but for the build-up to orgasm to feel good and get fast-tracked, I need a toy that hits my spots. Girth alone isn’t enough to make my vagina sit up, shut up and pay attention.

imageI think you’d love the Tantus Sam if your orifices like feeling filled up with something thick, and you’re not too bothered about targeting specific areas inside you. But if you want something realistic that can multitask a little better, I’d recommend the Uncut #1, Adam, or Maverick. They’re all in the same size range as the Sam but have curves and better-shaped heads for stroking G-spots or prostates. And none of them share a name with my dad, unlike the Sam.

Thanks for sending me this toy to try, Tantus!

Review: Tantus Uncut #1 (+ GIVEAWAY!)

Kate Sloan

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When I give sex advice to youngins, one of the things I always tell them is, “You might think you know what you like and what you want, but once you actually start having sex, that might change completely.”

I say this because it’s a lesson I’ve learned countless times in my journey from virgin to pervert: don’t knock anything until you try it.

A particularly salient example of this is my attitude toward realistic dildos. When I was 15, 16, even 18, and the only sex I’d had was of the lesbian variety, I scoffed at cock-like dongs. I thought of penises as a necessary evil in hetero sex, a means to an end, an accessory to the main event. I got off most easily from a tongue on my clit, and figured that I’d just have to suffer through the other components of straight fucking. And part of me believed that all women felt that way. So who would ever need or want a realistic dildo?

Wow, how my opinion changed. Sometime around my 19th birthday, penis-in-vagina sex entered my sexual repertoire. And while there was definitely a learning curve, once my partner and I had figured out each other’s bodies, our PIV sex became fucking stellar. I still couldn’t (and can’t) get off from penetration alone, but it hardly mattered to me. I began to crave cock, just as I’d thought I never would.

All this to say: the Tantus Uncut #1 is the kind of dildo I would have hated at age 17, but that I absolutely love now.

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The first time I put the Uncut #1 in my vag, I noticed that it felt a bit like my beloved Mustang – i.e. soft, squishy, but firm enough to please my G-spot. I’m not the only one who’s made this comparison. Tantus’ flexible dual-density O2 silicone pairs beautifully with the big juicy head on the Uncut #1, making for a dildo that feels real enough to indulge my PIV fantasies while also still feeling, y’know, like a great dildo.

Once, after a long wank sesh with the Uncut, I slid it out of me and fondled it, and I was amazed at how real it felt when it was all warm and wet. The skin-like texture and fleshy squish of this dildo make it one of the best nonporous realistic options on the market, right up there with the VixSkin line.

Dimensions-wise, the Uncut #1 is a bit strange. Its 1.75″ girth is perfect, but it has an insertable length of 7.45″, which is… excessive. Luckily, you don’t have to use the whole length (I never do, because I physically can’t), and those extra inches will be a blessing if you use this dildo for strap-on play, since harnesses shorten dildos’ useable length.

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The shaft of the Uncut #1 features lots of veiny texture. I have to use more lube than usual for it to be comfortable, but then, I’m not much of a texture fan. Occasionally I get that “vaginal rugburn” feeling once the lube dries down a little, but usually at that point I’m halfway to orgasm and the pain mingles with pleasure so I just feel properly fucked rather than sore.

I don’t find that the Uncut targets any particular spots inside me. Its coronal ridge slides over my G-spot deliciously with every thrust, and it’s long enough that I get a little A-spot stimulation if I shove it in as deep as it’ll go, but neither spot gets a lot of stimulation from this toy. It’s more of an all-over sensation for my vagina – which still feels pretty excellent.

Overall I’m dazzled by what an excellent realistic dildo Tantus has created with the Uncut #1. I initially wanted it for the novelty factor – foreskins, yay! – so I didn’t expect it to be this terrific. High five, Tantus!

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Now, here’s some exciting news… I am giving away an Uncut #1 to one lucky reader!

The lovely folks at Tantus gifted me two Uncuts, identical except for their color, and I decided to keep the mocha one – so the cocoa one is up for grabs! See the Rafflecopter widget below for deets on how you can enter.

Just so you know: this was a sample piece, so it won’t come in plastic packaging. (But don’t be alarmed: it hasn’t been used, obviously.) This giveaway is also only open to readers age 18+ from Canada and the U.S. Sorry, international friends!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Review: Fleshjack Boys Brent Everett Dildo

Kate Sloan

Lately I’ve told a few friends that I’m reviewing a sex toy for gay men, and they look at it and say, “But it’s just a dildo! Why is it for gay men?” and I say, “I KNOW, RIGHT?”

This is one of the weird things about the sex toy industry (and about some other industries too, for that matter). This product is marketed toward gay men but there’s literally nothing stopping a cis woman, or anyone else, from using it, so long as they like penetrative toys. The Fleshjack Boys line happens to be based off gay male porn stars but, duh, you don’t have to like or even know said porn stars to enjoy the toys moulded from their genitalia.

I was sent the Fleshjack Boys Brent Everett dildo. I’d been wanting to try a Fleshjack dildo for ages – devastatingly realistic dildos crafted in body-safe silicone, hellooo, that is so up my alley – and I chose this one based on its measurements. With its 7" of insertable length and 1.75" diameter, it’s big but not unreasonably so. I thought I could handle it and I was right.

Let it be said: this dildo is stunning. The craftsmanship is on point. It really looks like a flesh-and-blood dick: the texture and shape of the toy are all rendered in wonderfully intricate detail. Sometimes I look over at it sitting on my bedside table and just swoon a little because it’s like having an actual penis in the room with me.

However, obviously not everyone is into that. When I showed the Brent Everett to my friends who like realistic toys, they cooed and lit up. When I showed it to my friends who are turned off by male bodies and representational toys, they scrunched up their noses and told me to put the dildo away. It definitely has a polarizing effect on people, as real penises tend to do.

Fleshjack silicone is delightful. It’s got a lot of squish and give to it, but feels blissfully substantial in my vag. It’s not quite as realistic-feeling as VixSkin and it’s firmer than regular Vixen silicone but it’s more pliable than O2.

The base of the dildo is not a suction cup, but it’s very flat and tends to stick to flat surfaces slightly if you press it down, so you could set it up on a bathroom floor (or something) if you like to lower yourself down onto dildos and fuck ‘em that way.

For me, the main attraction of this dildo is that its coronal ridge is quite exaggerated and makes my G-spot convulse with glee. There is some milder texture along the remainder of the shaft, but that ridge is really the star of the show. It can be achingly intense if I neglect to warm myself up adequately, though.

Speaking of warm-up… Man, this thing is huge. My vagina is admittedly a wimp when it comes to size so I was surprised I could even get this dildo to fit inside me. Fortunately the tip is tapered and the toy’s material plays well with water-based lube so I’ve never had too much difficulty with it. I sort of gently jiggle it side-to-side as I insert it, making sure to incorporate clit stimulation at the same time, and I always get it inserted without pain. Sometimes there is some minor discomfort at first – “WOW, this is big” – but it’s nothing a little deep breathing and conscious muscle-relaxing can’t solve.

The actual in-and-out motion of the dildo is, as you might expect, very intense – in a good way. That ridge activates my G-spot instantly and the texture all along the shaft feels divine as it goes in and out. There is a subtle upward curve to the shaft which allows it to access my G-spot and A-spot more readily. The balls at the base are sometimes a little hard to keep ahold of, because they’re oriented away from my body instead of toward it, but it’s worth reaching a little farther because the balls are fun to squish and make a sturdy handle.

This is not the sort of dildo that I ram in and out of myself at top speed – the sensation is much too intense for that – but if you are inclined that way, I think it would work well for that, provided you can handle the size and the texture. The squishy silicone is comfortable and discourages injury.

Overall? I’m a little bit in love with this dildo. It is everything I want a realistic dildo to be. I’ve never seen a Brent Everett sex scene, but feel free to let him know I’m obsessed with his cock.