rechargeable vibrator

Review: Dame Arc

Kate Sloan

When I first started buying sex toys as a teen, I wanted a vibrator that could “do it all.” That was my holy grail. And who could blame me? With minimal (if any) income, and limited privacy and storage space since I was living at home, it made more sense to look for versatile toys that could multi-task or do double duty, rather than getting a different toy for each intended usage.

As I got older and learned more about sex toys, I began to see the appeal of toys more specialized in function. There are, for example, some clit stimulators so good that they don’t need to do anything else, and some dildos so inventively shaped that I don’t even care about their inability to vibrate. But there is still something intriguing about the idea of One Sex Toy to Rule Them All – one toy that you could throw in your bag for a getaway or a sex-date and know you had your bases covered.

The Dame Arc, I’m thrilled to tell you, is that type of toy.

I was duly excited when I saw a preview of the Arc at ANME earlier this year. Dame has really stepped up their game these past couple years; once considered a bit of a joke among my sex toy reviewer friends due to their ultra-buzzy, oddly-designed Eva, they later came out with new clit vibes, like my beloved Kip, which boasted robust motors, thoughtful shapes, and cute colors. The pleasure Dame had given to clits worldwide was pleasure that G-spots deserved too, so I was glad to see they were launching not only a G-spot toy, but a G-spot toy that looked really fucking good.

It is really fucking good. My pals at TheVibed sent me one to try, in a lovely ice-blue color (it also comes in a dusty rose), and as soon as I held it in my hands and turned it on, I knew I would like it. The silicone is smooth and soft, the curve is well thought-out, the controls are easy to understand, and the vibrations are – as I’ve come to expect from Dame – impressive.

Dame’s marketing for the Arc explicitly positions it as a toy you can use clitorally for warm-up before moving to penetration. It’s odd how rare it is for sex toy companies to specifically mention the clitoral useability of penetrative vibrators, given that most of the vibrator users I know are mostly using ’em on their clits. The Arc is designed to be comfortable and ergonomic whether you’re using it externally or internally, and as someone with intermittently tricky hands and wrists, I can confirm that this toy is easy for me to handle. The hard plastic panel around the charging connectors on the back of the vibe makes it easier to keep a firm grip on the toy even when it’s lubed up, and the shape of the handle makes sense in my hand.

There’s a seam running all the way around the middle of the toy – a fairly common flaw among vibrators – but Dame has leaned into it by discussing it as a feature rather than a bug. They call it a “beaked tip” ideal for pinpoint clitoral stimulation. I tend to like my clit stimulation a bit broader, but if you prefer the tiniest of touches on your clit, this seam/ridge can focus the toy’s powerful vibrations into a very small area so you can get the specificity you need.

Vaginally, the curve is just right for my body. Not as extreme as a Pure Wand but much more pleasurable than a straight shaft, this is a Goldilocks-level G-spot toy for me. It arcs effortlessly into my spot, but doesn’t press so hard as to cause discomfort, even in the early stages of arousal when that’s always a risk for me. It locks into place fairly well behind my pubic bone, making it easy for me to thrust or rock the toy to my heart’s content, or just leave it stationary while I do other stuff to my clit. This is also exactly the type of toy that makes it super easy for me to squirt.

The motor is, as advertised, excellent. It starts low and rumbly – perfect for warm-up, or a slow and lazy wank – and stays fairly rumbly as you turn up the power. There are 5 speeds, and you can also hold down the “up” and “down” buttons for a more gradual change. (I slightly wish there was an accompanying app, as with We-Vibe toys, so I could have even more fine-tuned control of the settings.) People who need a lot of power probably won’t find this toy strong enough, and for them I would recommend putting a G-spot attachment on a wand instead. The Arc also has 5 patterns, all fairly steady rhythms that work really well for my G-spot. Even leaving the toy perfectly still inside me can feel like motion when it’s set to one of the thrumming/pulsing/pounding patterns.

Since the Arc is also waterproof and pretty quiet, I think this would be a good option for someone who has to keep their solo sex life on the down-low at home, due to kids/nosy relatives/etc. Tell your fam you’re gonna need some time alone in the bath or shower, and you should be fine! It even comes with a cute cloth storage bag bearing the (totally non-explicit) Dame logo, so you can tuck it away when you’re not using it and it won’t draw attention.

The Arc costs a cool $115 – but seems pretty reasonable when you compare it to other G-spot vibrators of similar quality, like the We-Vibe Rave ($113), BMS Factory Swan Wand ($150), and Lelo Mona 2 ($169). Dame offers a 3-year warranty, and that certainly sweetens the deal.

Overall, I think the Dame Arc is a really fantastic vibrator, one that I wish I had been able to own when I was a teen. It’s simple and elegant, yet undeniably effective. If there’s a person in your life who has a vagina and has minimal (or no) sex toy experience, I think this would be a great gift for them, because it’s not overly intimidating but is still plenty great enough to get the job done. But this is also a lovely vibe for someone like me, who’s tried hundreds of toys and just wants something that works well. With the Arc, Dame has created an all-rounder and an instant classic. I can’t wait to see what they make next.

 

Thanks so much to my friends at TheVibed for sending me this product and sponsoring this review! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Monster Pub Mister Devil 2

Kate Sloan

Gather round; I come bearing good news. A sex toy company actually made improvements that turned their okay toy into a great toy. HALLELUJAH, praise the vibrator lord!!

Nearly 3 years ago, I reviewed the Monster Pub Doctor Whale, a wearable, app-controlled dual-stimulation vibe designed not only to feel good but also to help you do daily Kegel workouts. While I thought the aesthetic of that little whale was cute, and the idea behind it was inventive, in practice it just… wasn’t that great. The whale’s tail, meant to please your clit while the whale’s body is inside your vagina, barely reached or stimulated my clit at all. Worse yet, the accompanying smartphone app was overly busy and sometimes incomprehensible, and the toy’s Bluetooth connectivity was incredibly patchy, such that it could rarely stay connected to my phone for the duration of a set of Kegel exercises, let alone a masturbation session.

I wrote at the time, “I think this line of toys has a lot of potential; the designers just need to fix the connectivity issues, tighten up the app, and maybe construct a more stimulating tail for this li’l whale.” And guess what? THEY ACTUALLY DID ALL OF THAT. Yessss!

The updated version Monster Pub sent me is called the Mister Devil – specifically, the “2 premium app track” version, which, per Monster Pub’s FAQ page, has extra features some of the other versions don’t, including dual motors, motion control, and “smart heating.” Cheaper and less decked-out iterations of the toy range in price from $50-80 – actually pretty reasonable for a silicone app-controllable vibrator – but the version I’m reviewing today is the priciest one, at $150.

At first, I wasn’t sure which side of the vibe was meant to be inserted, but the instructions noted that the bigger side – the devil’s head – is the side that contains the motion sensor for the toy’s Kegel functionalities, so that’s the one that should be inserted. There are two “devil’s horns” on that side that are a little uncomfortable upon insertion, but once inside, I don’t find them especially noticeable. The smaller, external arm has some ridges on it that don’t do much for me in terms of stimulation, but seem to help the toy stay anchored in place better, even when I’m not wearing underwear.

That clitoral arm is one of the most notable changes from the older Monster Pub vibe I tried. It’s substantial and firm enough to stay put against my clit, and plenty long enough to actually reach it (although, if the distance between your vagina and clit is on the shorter side, you may find that this arm overreaches your clit and potentially pokes you in the mons). It also has its own motor this time around, which should always be the case for toys like these, because vibration radiating from an internal motor to your clit is likely to be weak and muted. Clits deserve their own motors, dammit!

Speaking of motors… The ones in this toy are rumblier and stronger than I would have predicted for a toy of this size, especially one from a relatively little-known company. I can feel them throughout my clitoral network when the toy is in use. Sometimes they irritate my G-spot a little, but I’m not the biggest fan of G-spot vibration in general, so your mileage may vary. I particularly enjoy having my partner rhythmically press their fingers into my external G-spot while the toy is inside me, as this creates pleasant pulsing waves of sensation from the inside and the outside all at once.

While the toy can be controlled without the use of its app, I wouldn’t recommend using it that way. There’s only one button on the toy, and it can be used to cycle through various patterns and speeds, but it’s an annoying process and using the app is much easier and more intuitive. The app (which is available for both iOS and Android) offers multiple different ways of controlling the toy’s vibrations, including a “motion control” mode that makes the vibrations flare up when you shake your phone, a “touch mode” that responds to your fingers swiping/tapping your phone screen, and a series of fixed modes. You can also design custom vibration patterns and download patterns that other users have made.

The strength and speediness of the connectivity between the app and the toy is very impressive, especially considering that big companies like We-Vibe still often struggle with this. We had zero disconnection problems while testing this toy; my We-Vibe Sync, by comparison, tends to disconnect every few minutes – or even more, if there are obstructions like clothing or thighs in the way. The vibrations also seemed to respond in real-time to the motion-control settings. For these reasons, I think this would be a great toy for public play, if you’re into that. It needs minimal readjustment (either physical or technological) once it’s inside you and connected to the app, making it an ideal dinner date companion… when and if we’re able to go on dinner dates again in the future!

The app is confusing at times, I have to say, due to the language barrier. This was a problem the last time I tried one of these toys, too. My partner – an app developer – noted that the app’s tutorial was unclear and its overall layout is chaotic. The provided instructions don’t help much, either. But with experimentation and time, we were able to figure out how to do most of the things we wanted to do. (Still never found the fabled heating mode…)

The flagship feature of Monster Pub vibes, however, is their Kegel exercise system. The toy contains a sensor that can detect how much pressure your pelvic muscles exert on it, so when you load up a Kegel regimen on the app, you can see in real-time how strong your muscles are. The app leads you through a workout involving timed intervals of squeezing and releasing, complete with reminders to inhale and exhale – it’s actually kind of hypnokinky! You can even track your progress over time – the app generates a graph that shows you how much stronger you’ve become as you’ve done more workouts. It’s a super cool feature, and I would definitely recommend this toy over a set of plain ol’ Kegel balls (assuming it’s financially feasible for you) if you’re interested in increasing your PC muscles’ strength, whether for medical reasons or just pleasure-based ones.

Overall, I’m quite impressed by the Monster Pub Mister Devil, and think it’s a fantastic product for people who want a responsive Bluetooth-controllable vibe and/or a cool and fun new way to do Kegel exercises. The premium version is spendy, at $150; if you only want the vibration functions and no Kegel modes, you can get the $90 “Excited Biofeedback” version instead, but if the pelvic health stuff is what draws you to this toy, I don’t think you’re gonna find a better-designed Kegel exercise product than the one I got to try. It’s pleasurable, comfortable, high-tech, and actually helpful for those of us looking to optimize our PC muscles’ functioning. Way to go, Monster Pub!

 

This review was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Using the Bestvibe Mermaid As a Chastity Device

Kate Sloan

A key skill to develop when you’re a sex toy reviewer is turning bad toys into useable products. Almost every sex toy has more than one possible way of using it (and if it doesn’t, it had better be damn good at the one thing it does do), and finding offbeat ways to repurpose sex toys for pleasure is always, at the very least, interesting.

The most common manifestation of this in my sex life has been shitty vibrators with good shapes. Some vibes – like the original Lelo Mona and Mona Wave – have a shape so good that it transcends their disappointing motor. If a toy is curved just right to hit your spots, you may not even need to turn on the vibrations to enjoy it (albeit perhaps while paired with another toy).

And so it is with the Bestvibe Mermaid (my shortened version of the full title as per the product page, “Tongue Mermaid Remote Sex Toys 9 Modes Wearable Vibrators”). When I unplugged it from its first charging session and turned it on, I sighed and said aloud, “Oh nooo,” because the motor is wildly, offensively buzzy. “I can’t use this,” I thought. But then I examined its shape again and thought… Wait. Yes I can.

I’ve been delving into chastity play with my partner as of late – listen to this recent Dildorks episode for more on that – and in talking about this online, I’ve received a slew of questions from readers/listeners/friends. One of the most common questions I’ve gotten is “Do you know anything about chastity for vulvas?” My partner, an intrepid researcher as ever, suggests the chastity belts made by Neosteel and Fancy Steel, but unfortunately, good-quality products in this category tend to be prohibitively expensive. It’s no wonder some vulva-owning chastity kinksters turn to makeshift options like leather belts and Scotch tape (!!) in lieu of shelling out for a specially-made device.

The terrifying tongues of the Mermaid

Here’s the thing: I think the Bestvibe Mermaid could be a decent “chastity-lite” product for someone who’s curious about the kink and just wants to try it out, someone who fetishizes chastity psychologically but doesn’t need the whole physical kit and caboodle, or someone who simply can’t afford a proper chastity belt yet but wants to approximate the experience as best they can. The Mermaid has three arms (or, as the product copy calls them, “urgent antennae”) – a G-spot-targeting vaginal arm, a tiny flexible anal arm, and a bizarre clitoral simulator made to look like three little tongues. At only $45.99, it’s probably one of the most cost-effective ways to get both your holes simultaneously stuffed with body-safe materials.

Some important caveats before we proceed: It isn’t good for your vagina to wear anything inside it for more than about 8 hours at a time, tops (which is why, for example, that’s usually the max number of hours recommended for leaving in a menstrual cup before you take it out and wash it off). The vagina is self-cleaning, and long-term vaginal obstructions prevent that process from happening and can lead to infections. I’d vehemently recommend that you not wear this as a day-in-day-out chastity device, even if you wash it every time you take it out to use the bathroom. It’s more of a once-in-a-while thing, so if that’s the only kind of chastity you want to do, maybe this would work.

Inserting this toy is a bit of a “Who’s on first?” situation. I kept inserting one arm and then finding I couldn’t get the other one in, and then reversing them, all while they slipped every which way under my lubey fingers. After much experimentation, I think the easiest way to do it is to insert the vaginal arm and then the anal arm; the latter is more flexible and thus more easily manoeuvred while the other arm is inside you. It’s kind of a slippery fucker because of its bendiness, but on the bright side, it’s comfier than something super firm would be, especially while walking around. The clitoral portion barely makes contact with my clit, because it barely reaches it – par for the course with many dual-stim (or in this case, triple-stim) toys, unfortunately. Depending on your anatomy and your chastity goals, you may want some kind of additional measure in place to block clitoral access when using this toy for that purpose.

This toy is a good balance of comfortable vs. noticeable; you definitely know you’re wearing it the entire time you’re wearing it, but it stays anchored in place well while I’m walking around (provided I’m wearing close-fitting underwear), and doesn’t typically get painful or uncomfortable unless I need to re-lube it.

The vibrations are the saddest part of the toy. They’re just so bad. They’re buzzy and frustrating and weak. But if you’re using this toy for chastity, that becomes a feature instead of a bug. Wearing this toy with the vibrations turned on for any length of time will likely result in some (temporary) genital numbness, perhaps further adding to your sense of being denied pleasure and orgasms. (I know that’s putting a “Look on the bright side!” spin on a legitimate problem, but y’know, I’ve always been an “ass half-full” kind of gal.)

This toy comes with a remote, which would be a cool feature for D/s play because your partner could randomly turn the toy on and off while you were, say, out on a dinner date. However, the instructions are inscrutable so I wasn’t able to test this. Ditto with the HEATING feature that apparently can only be enabled via the remote.

All in all, while the Bestvibe Mermaid lacks a lot of key things that would make it useable as the vibrator it purports to be (such as a decent motor or a comprehensible instruction manual), there are worse things you could shove in your holes if you’re looking to plug ’em up for a chastity scene. I can’t say I’ll be reaching for this one a lot, as chastity and orgasm denial aren’t kinks of mine (at least not as a bottom), but hey, I’m glad it exists. Go forth and obstruct your orifices if you so desire, my kinky friends.

 

Thanks to Bestvibe for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this toy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Biird Obii

Kate Sloan

Picture yourself as Cinderella, or Snow White, or another of those Disney princesses who enlist woodland creatures to do their bidding. Picture the sun cresting over the horizon, beams of light beginning to stream into your quaint forest cottage. Picture a pink cartoon bird landing on your windowsill and chirping, “Would you like an orgasm?” That’s kind of the whole vibe (so to speak) of the adorable Biird Obii.

Made to look like a stylized little bird, the Obii is a rechargeable vibrator that also offers “pressure wave” stimulation, the technology originally developed (as far as I know) by Womanizer and later utilized by other companies like Satisfyer and Lelo. New phenomena in the realm of clitoral stimulation don’t come along too often, so it’s no surprise that so many sex toy reviewers and sex writers have effused about the wonders of pressure waves – they really are pretty cool. They work by way of a tiny panel inside the toy’s nozzle that moves back and forth to create rhythmic suction/pressure around your clit, if you can get a good enough seal. This makes the sensation essentially “touchless” in a way that vibrators are not, so some people report more intense orgasms and shorter refractory periods with this type of toy.

The control panel on the bottom of the Obii – thoughtfully labeled, with buttons that are easy to press but hard to accidentally press, hooray – allows you to flip between the toy’s 4 vibration modes (3 steady speeds + 1 pulsing pattern) and its 3 pressure-wave intensities. You can use one at a time or turn them both on if you like your clit-sucking with a side of vibration.

The problem is, the vibrations on this toy are… sad. Like, “weak” or “disappointing” are not even the right words; when I turned on the vibrations for the first time, I felt like saying out loud to the toy, “Oh, honey…” They’re meager, they’re buzzy as hell, and they’re buried so deeply in the toy that I can’t even discern where the motor is or which part of the vibe I’m supposed to press against my clit, since all positionings feel equally numbing and underwhelming. If you are looking for a vibrator – or you’re curious about pressure wave toys but want to be able to use yours as a vibrator incase it turns out you don’t like pressure waves – then definitely look elsewhere. The power and resonance of the Obii’s vibrations are literally on par with one of those single-use bullets sold alongside Trojan condoms in fluorescently-lit drugstore aisles.

But what makes the Obii interesting and remarkable isn’t the vibration, it’s the pressure waves. And those are actually pretty swell. The waves this toy creates feel stronger and, for lack of a better word, “rumblier” than those I’ve experienced from some others. While reaching orgasm is always a slow process for me with this type of toy, because it focuses so intensely on the exposed tip of my clit and thus risks overstimulating me easily, they are nonetheless very much within reach when I’m using this toy. I wish there were more than 3 settings, because my clit is a sensitive little flower and I like gradation, but the existing settings are plenty good enough to get me off. And incase you’ve never had a pressure-wave orgasm, I’ll reiterate here: they really are different from orgasms with a vibrator, or orgasms achieved via just about any other means. They’re kinda like… if your clit was a dick, and you were getting a blowjob from a robot, but the robot only knew how to suck the head of your dick and not the shaft, but it was really good at that. (Bam. Another brilliant sex toy reviewer metaphor. 😂 I’m good at my job sometimes, I swear.)

An issue with the Obii, which some other reviewers who I deeply respect have pointed out, is that the nozzle is unusually small for a toy of this type, and that the moving panel inside the nozzle is abnormally close to the opening. What this means is that people with bigger clits will likely have a hard time using the Obii comfortably. I have asked a couple partners of mine over the years whether my clit is small, average, or large (yes, dating me is quite an adventure), and both of them said it was average or perhaps slightly larger than average, and I found this toy comfortable and inoffensive – but your mileage may vary. (It’s annoying that culturally we don’t talk about clits nearly as much as we talk about dicks, and so we don’t have an understanding of what an “average-sized” clit would look like, but also, maybe that’s a blessing in disguise. There’s already enough vagina-shame in the world; let’s not start comparing and competing with regards to clit size!)

The Obii won the Red Dot design award, and it’s easy to see why, from an aesthetic standpoint: it’s very pretty. I actually love how cute it is, and I think it would make you happy if you’re one of those people whose experience is genuinely improved when the sex toy you’re using is #AestheticGoals. It also doubles as a bedside lamp when placed on its cradle to charge; it casts a dim, warm glow that would be ideal for sexytimes (although, you know, the light would go off whenever you grabbed the Obii to use it). The silicone used all over the toy is wonderfully soft and silky in my hand, though it’s also one of the foremost lint magnets in my entire sex toy collection.

The silkiness of the silicone also poses problems during use. I can’t maintain a solid grip on the toy for long unless I squeeze it past the point of comfort (which, as someone with chronic pain in my hands and elsewhere, I’m especially disinclined to do). The ridges on the side of the toy seem like they could help with grippiness, but in practice they don’t actually help much. This also points to one of the problems with making a “design-y” sex toy: just because a shape looks pretty doesn’t mean it’ll feel good in someone’s hand or against someone’s body. While testing the Obii I often found myself reminiscing fondly on more ergonomically-shaped pressure wave toys like the Satisfyer Penguin.

All of that said, though… I can’t deny that I like pressure wave stimulation, in a “forced orgasm” kind of way, because it’s more intense and more direct than the stimulation I typically pursue – and I also can’t deny that the Biird Obii is pretty damn good at that type of stimulation. At one point while I was testing it, I watched a video on YouPorn of a domme holding a wand vibe against a penis pump in which her sub’s cock was trapped, and it occurred to me that the stimulation of pressure wave toys is similar to what I imagine that would feel like: mild and muffled vibration paired with insistent suction. It’s a very effective combo on my clit and on the clits of many other people. The Biird Obii may not be the perfect manifestation of this type of toy, but it’s cute as hell, smooth and soft, and surprisingly satisfying – so I say, as long as your clit is on the small-to-average side, have at it.

 

Thanks to Biird for sending me the Obii to try! This review was sponsored, which means that I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Tracy’s Dog Craybit

Kate Sloan

My relationship with the sex toy company Tracy’s Dog didn’t exactly start off on the right foot. Er, the right paw.

They’ve sent me a bunch of pitch emails over the years, often containing weird glaring missteps, like accidentally addressing me as Emmeline (she was my roommate at the Woodhull conference once, but we’re not the same person!) and – in the most recent case – kiiinda plagiarizing my own writing back at me.

I got an email from Tracy’s Dog a while ago about their new rabbit vibe, the Craybit (so called because its strange tagline is “Let’s get crazy a little bit”). This toy’s claim to fame is that it has three motors: one to target the clit, one to target the G-spot, and one to target one of my very favorite erogenous zones, the A-spot. “You might be familiar with the G-Spot stimulation from toys and fingering, but have you ever experienced A-Spot orgasm?” their email asked. (Uh, yes, I have been known to.) “The feeling of hitting A-Spot is totally different from G-Spot [sic]. It is a more intense, molten-hot, addictive sensation that melts your soul and your body!”

That phrasing gave me déja vu, so I googled it, and… the only instance online of the phrase “molten-hot, addictive” is in an article I wrote for Glamour about the A-spot. Guess this company liked the piece. 😂

While this is aggravating, it also made me reflect on how this points to the little-known-ness of the A-spot. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen someone crib language from my own writing on this topic when extolling the virtues of the A-spot – especially since, aside from a few other sex writers I know such as Zoe Ligon and Cy of Super Smash Cache (both of whom are excellent), not many people go into detail about this spot on a regular basis.

The only reason I can think of for this linguistic borrowing is that the companies’ copywriters haven’t experienced A-spot pleasure themselves. If they had, they would be able to write about it in their own words. And while part of that is due to the simple fact that not everyone likes A-spot stim (just as not everyone likes G-spot or prostate stim), another part of it is due to how seldom the A-spot is discussed and explained compared to erogenous zones whose names show up more often on Cosmopolitan and Men’s Health covers.

All this to say, it’s always a thrill for me to see new toys being developed and released that specifically mention the A-spot in their marketing copy (ideally in the companies’ own words). It means that not only is the desire for A-spot stimulation being affirmed – it’s being actively catered to. Hooray!

The Craybit rabbit comes in an elegant black cardboard gift box with the company logo lettered on it in silver script. Inside is a charging cable for this USB-rechargeable toy, and an instruction booklet which details the vibe’s 15 (!) modes. These are pretty unique as far as vibrator patterns go, because the Craybit is juggling three motors at once. Some of the modes are more basic – all three motors on a steady speed, or all three thumping in synchrony – but some are more complex: the clit vibe can thrum in hills and valleys while the internal motors pulse erratically, for example, or each motor can throb in turn, like they’re singing in a round together.

Unfortunately none of these patterns do what I really want this type of vibe to be able to do: vibrate steadily on my clit while the internal motors pound rhythmically. My erogenous zones each crave a different type of stimulation, and I know I’m not alone in that. What my A-spot and G-spot want is always gonna be different from what my clit wants, and these patterns get it frustratingly almost-right. The closest to my ideal is the 8th one, which alternates between a low and high speed on the clit, stays steadily low on the G-spot, and pulses for a few beats on the A-spot before vibrating normally for a few more beats and then starting over at the beginning. As such, this vibe works better for me as a foreplay tease than as a “finisher.”

The motors are pretty decent – or possibly they just feel like they are because there are three of them. (Kinda like how three mediocre actors reciting the same Shakespeare monologue in unison would impress me more than just one of them stumbling through it.) I can’t actually isolate them to test them each on their own because all 15 of the toy’s modes utilize all three motors at once. This is ultimately the toy’s main flaw – that you can’t control the motors individually. I realize it would be a lot of buttons to have to cram onto the handle of a vibrator, but I really wish it were an option, even just via a Bluetooth app on your phone (and I am not normally one to say vibrator apps are good!). The perennial problem with rabbit vibrators is that everyone’s body is different so it’s hard for a dual-stimulation toy to get the stimulation right in both its motors for any particular person, and that problem is, of course, compounded once you introduce a third motor.

That said, my G-spot and A-spot appreciate the strong rumbliness of the Craybit’s internal motors. I just wish the clit motor was less buzzy (as far as I can tell, it’s the buzziest of the three), and that there were some lower speed settings. Even the lowest steady pattern feels overwhelming if I’m not warmed up – in much the same way as those three bad Shakespearian actors would be overwhelming if you were only expecting one or two to show up.

The clit stimulator is one of those classic two-pronged “bunny ears” situations. I actually like this one better than most others of its type, because the ears are made of solid, substantial silicone so they don’t flap around as much as these usually do, and it’s easier to get them to stay put on my clit. However, I know that’ll make it less appealing for people who find the flapping-around pleasurable.

The relative solidness of the bunny ears also introduces some problems, mainly that when I do need to adjust their positioning, I often end up accidentally slingshotting them onto my clit in a way that feels like a tiny slap. Not ideal… unless you’re into that.

The handle of the toy buzzes annoyingly when it’s on, but honestly I can’t really fault the designers for that – it’s a lot of vibration in one product, so I can see how it would be hard to keep the toy’s handle issues, uh, handled. Fortunately the toy is shaped such that it stays anchored in place pretty well in my vagina, snug against my G-spot and A-spot, so I can use it hands-free if I want to. The shape also makes it so that the most natural-feeling way to thrust this toy (if indeed you choose to thrust with it) is to use short, deep motions, which are exactly what my A-spot likes anyway. It’s a very thoughtful design.

There are a lot of weird things about Tracy’s Dog’s overall branding and marketing that I need to address. First of all, does anyone else immediately start singing “Tracy’s Dog has got it going on“ upon reading this company’s name? Secondly, did they really need to evoke a dog in the name of their, um, SEX TOY company? Thirdly, why do they have a YouTube channel where a hot tattooed man dressed like a cowboy answers frequently asked questions about the toy while shirtless, drinking whiskey, lighting a cigarette, playing a guitar, playing the chimes, staring pensively into a mirror, and giving problematic misinformation about the hymen while playing pool? …Okay, I have to admit I like the tattooed cowboy. But he raises even more questions for me than he answers. Is he supposed to be Tracy?! Is the dog in this video therefore the eponymous Tracy’s dog? Why is he always hanging out in what appears to be the world’s coolest saloon/motorcycle garage/house? Is he an actor who the company hired to perform in these videos? If so, where can I see the rest of his filmography in its entirety? Enquiring minds need to know.

I also noticed in my research for this review that some of the Craybit’s marketing copy says it’ll give you “an orgasm so intense that it straightens your legs out like a fainting goat,” which is how I ended up reading the whole Wikipedia article on fainting goats while absent-mindedly thrusting the toy in and out of me during a testing session. (Thanks to my friend Sarah, who loves goats, for enlightening me on this topic.) I don’t think I developed an odd fetish as a result of this episode, but who the hell knows. I also noticed that the same page contains a graphic that again uses my “molten-hot, addictive” turn of phrase. Guess it’s hard for an old dog to learn new tricks.

Overall, I like this vibe, and I love that it exists – yay, A-spot rep! – but I can’t say I’ll be reaching for it a lot. The Tracy’s Dog Craybit is an overwhelming vibrator that assails three of my major erogenous zones with strong simultaneous vibration. It does that very well, but that’s not really what I want out of a sex toy – I want to be able to control the sensations each spot feels at any given time, and that includes being able to start on a low speed. However, I can recommend this toy for you if you want a vibrator that will rock your entire internal clitoris with powerful patterns and va-va-voom vibrations – in other words, a vibrator that’ll make you feel, I guess, like a fainting goat.

 

This post was sponsored, which means that Tracy’s Dog paid me to write an honest and fair review of their product. As always, all writing and opinions are entirely my own.