silicone vibrator

Review: Monster Pub Mister Devil 2

Kate Sloan

Gather round; I come bearing good news. A sex toy company actually made improvements that turned their okay toy into a great toy. HALLELUJAH, praise the vibrator lord!!

Nearly 3 years ago, I reviewed the Monster Pub Doctor Whale, a wearable, app-controlled dual-stimulation vibe designed not only to feel good but also to help you do daily Kegel workouts. While I thought the aesthetic of that little whale was cute, and the idea behind it was inventive, in practice it just… wasn’t that great. The whale’s tail, meant to please your clit while the whale’s body is inside your vagina, barely reached or stimulated my clit at all. Worse yet, the accompanying smartphone app was overly busy and sometimes incomprehensible, and the toy’s Bluetooth connectivity was incredibly patchy, such that it could rarely stay connected to my phone for the duration of a set of Kegel exercises, let alone a masturbation session.

I wrote at the time, “I think this line of toys has a lot of potential; the designers just need to fix the connectivity issues, tighten up the app, and maybe construct a more stimulating tail for this li’l whale.” And guess what? THEY ACTUALLY DID ALL OF THAT. Yessss!

The updated version Monster Pub sent me is called the Mister Devil – specifically, the “2 premium app track” version, which, per Monster Pub’s FAQ page, has extra features some of the other versions don’t, including dual motors, motion control, and “smart heating.” Cheaper and less decked-out iterations of the toy range in price from $50-80 – actually pretty reasonable for a silicone app-controllable vibrator – but the version I’m reviewing today is the priciest one, at $150.

At first, I wasn’t sure which side of the vibe was meant to be inserted, but the instructions noted that the bigger side – the devil’s head – is the side that contains the motion sensor for the toy’s Kegel functionalities, so that’s the one that should be inserted. There are two “devil’s horns” on that side that are a little uncomfortable upon insertion, but once inside, I don’t find them especially noticeable. The smaller, external arm has some ridges on it that don’t do much for me in terms of stimulation, but seem to help the toy stay anchored in place better, even when I’m not wearing underwear.

That clitoral arm is one of the most notable changes from the older Monster Pub vibe I tried. It’s substantial and firm enough to stay put against my clit, and plenty long enough to actually reach it (although, if the distance between your vagina and clit is on the shorter side, you may find that this arm overreaches your clit and potentially pokes you in the mons). It also has its own motor this time around, which should always be the case for toys like these, because vibration radiating from an internal motor to your clit is likely to be weak and muted. Clits deserve their own motors, dammit!

Speaking of motors… The ones in this toy are rumblier and stronger than I would have predicted for a toy of this size, especially one from a relatively little-known company. I can feel them throughout my clitoral network when the toy is in use. Sometimes they irritate my G-spot a little, but I’m not the biggest fan of G-spot vibration in general, so your mileage may vary. I particularly enjoy having my partner rhythmically press their fingers into my external G-spot while the toy is inside me, as this creates pleasant pulsing waves of sensation from the inside and the outside all at once.

While the toy can be controlled without the use of its app, I wouldn’t recommend using it that way. There’s only one button on the toy, and it can be used to cycle through various patterns and speeds, but it’s an annoying process and using the app is much easier and more intuitive. The app (which is available for both iOS and Android) offers multiple different ways of controlling the toy’s vibrations, including a “motion control” mode that makes the vibrations flare up when you shake your phone, a “touch mode” that responds to your fingers swiping/tapping your phone screen, and a series of fixed modes. You can also design custom vibration patterns and download patterns that other users have made.

The strength and speediness of the connectivity between the app and the toy is very impressive, especially considering that big companies like We-Vibe still often struggle with this. We had zero disconnection problems while testing this toy; my We-Vibe Sync, by comparison, tends to disconnect every few minutes – or even more, if there are obstructions like clothing or thighs in the way. The vibrations also seemed to respond in real-time to the motion-control settings. For these reasons, I think this would be a great toy for public play, if you’re into that. It needs minimal readjustment (either physical or technological) once it’s inside you and connected to the app, making it an ideal dinner date companion… when and if we’re able to go on dinner dates again in the future!

The app is confusing at times, I have to say, due to the language barrier. This was a problem the last time I tried one of these toys, too. My partner – an app developer – noted that the app’s tutorial was unclear and its overall layout is chaotic. The provided instructions don’t help much, either. But with experimentation and time, we were able to figure out how to do most of the things we wanted to do. (Still never found the fabled heating mode…)

The flagship feature of Monster Pub vibes, however, is their Kegel exercise system. The toy contains a sensor that can detect how much pressure your pelvic muscles exert on it, so when you load up a Kegel regimen on the app, you can see in real-time how strong your muscles are. The app leads you through a workout involving timed intervals of squeezing and releasing, complete with reminders to inhale and exhale – it’s actually kind of hypnokinky! You can even track your progress over time – the app generates a graph that shows you how much stronger you’ve become as you’ve done more workouts. It’s a super cool feature, and I would definitely recommend this toy over a set of plain ol’ Kegel balls (assuming it’s financially feasible for you) if you’re interested in increasing your PC muscles’ strength, whether for medical reasons or just pleasure-based ones.

Overall, I’m quite impressed by the Monster Pub Mister Devil, and think it’s a fantastic product for people who want a responsive Bluetooth-controllable vibe and/or a cool and fun new way to do Kegel exercises. The premium version is spendy, at $150; if you only want the vibration functions and no Kegel modes, you can get the $90 “Excited Biofeedback” version instead, but if the pelvic health stuff is what draws you to this toy, I don’t think you’re gonna find a better-designed Kegel exercise product than the one I got to try. It’s pleasurable, comfortable, high-tech, and actually helpful for those of us looking to optimize our PC muscles’ functioning. Way to go, Monster Pub!

 

This review was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Using the Bestvibe Mermaid As a Chastity Device

Kate Sloan

A key skill to develop when you’re a sex toy reviewer is turning bad toys into useable products. Almost every sex toy has more than one possible way of using it (and if it doesn’t, it had better be damn good at the one thing it does do), and finding offbeat ways to repurpose sex toys for pleasure is always, at the very least, interesting.

The most common manifestation of this in my sex life has been shitty vibrators with good shapes. Some vibes – like the original Lelo Mona and Mona Wave – have a shape so good that it transcends their disappointing motor. If a toy is curved just right to hit your spots, you may not even need to turn on the vibrations to enjoy it (albeit perhaps while paired with another toy).

And so it is with the Bestvibe Mermaid (my shortened version of the full title as per the product page, “Tongue Mermaid Remote Sex Toys 9 Modes Wearable Vibrators”). When I unplugged it from its first charging session and turned it on, I sighed and said aloud, “Oh nooo,” because the motor is wildly, offensively buzzy. “I can’t use this,” I thought. But then I examined its shape again and thought… Wait. Yes I can.

I’ve been delving into chastity play with my partner as of late – listen to this recent Dildorks episode for more on that – and in talking about this online, I’ve received a slew of questions from readers/listeners/friends. One of the most common questions I’ve gotten is “Do you know anything about chastity for vulvas?” My partner, an intrepid researcher as ever, suggests the chastity belts made by Neosteel and Fancy Steel, but unfortunately, good-quality products in this category tend to be prohibitively expensive. It’s no wonder some vulva-owning chastity kinksters turn to makeshift options like leather belts and Scotch tape (!!) in lieu of shelling out for a specially-made device.

The terrifying tongues of the Mermaid

Here’s the thing: I think the Bestvibe Mermaid could be a decent “chastity-lite” product for someone who’s curious about the kink and just wants to try it out, someone who fetishizes chastity psychologically but doesn’t need the whole physical kit and caboodle, or someone who simply can’t afford a proper chastity belt yet but wants to approximate the experience as best they can. The Mermaid has three arms (or, as the product copy calls them, “urgent antennae”) – a G-spot-targeting vaginal arm, a tiny flexible anal arm, and a bizarre clitoral simulator made to look like three little tongues. At only $45.99, it’s probably one of the most cost-effective ways to get both your holes simultaneously stuffed with body-safe materials.

Some important caveats before we proceed: It isn’t good for your vagina to wear anything inside it for more than about 8 hours at a time, tops (which is why, for example, that’s usually the max number of hours recommended for leaving in a menstrual cup before you take it out and wash it off). The vagina is self-cleaning, and long-term vaginal obstructions prevent that process from happening and can lead to infections. I’d vehemently recommend that you not wear this as a day-in-day-out chastity device, even if you wash it every time you take it out to use the bathroom. It’s more of a once-in-a-while thing, so if that’s the only kind of chastity you want to do, maybe this would work.

Inserting this toy is a bit of a “Who’s on first?” situation. I kept inserting one arm and then finding I couldn’t get the other one in, and then reversing them, all while they slipped every which way under my lubey fingers. After much experimentation, I think the easiest way to do it is to insert the vaginal arm and then the anal arm; the latter is more flexible and thus more easily manoeuvred while the other arm is inside you. It’s kind of a slippery fucker because of its bendiness, but on the bright side, it’s comfier than something super firm would be, especially while walking around. The clitoral portion barely makes contact with my clit, because it barely reaches it – par for the course with many dual-stim (or in this case, triple-stim) toys, unfortunately. Depending on your anatomy and your chastity goals, you may want some kind of additional measure in place to block clitoral access when using this toy for that purpose.

This toy is a good balance of comfortable vs. noticeable; you definitely know you’re wearing it the entire time you’re wearing it, but it stays anchored in place well while I’m walking around (provided I’m wearing close-fitting underwear), and doesn’t typically get painful or uncomfortable unless I need to re-lube it.

The vibrations are the saddest part of the toy. They’re just so bad. They’re buzzy and frustrating and weak. But if you’re using this toy for chastity, that becomes a feature instead of a bug. Wearing this toy with the vibrations turned on for any length of time will likely result in some (temporary) genital numbness, perhaps further adding to your sense of being denied pleasure and orgasms. (I know that’s putting a “Look on the bright side!” spin on a legitimate problem, but y’know, I’ve always been an “ass half-full” kind of gal.)

This toy comes with a remote, which would be a cool feature for D/s play because your partner could randomly turn the toy on and off while you were, say, out on a dinner date. However, the instructions are inscrutable so I wasn’t able to test this. Ditto with the HEATING feature that apparently can only be enabled via the remote.

All in all, while the Bestvibe Mermaid lacks a lot of key things that would make it useable as the vibrator it purports to be (such as a decent motor or a comprehensible instruction manual), there are worse things you could shove in your holes if you’re looking to plug ’em up for a chastity scene. I can’t say I’ll be reaching for this one a lot, as chastity and orgasm denial aren’t kinks of mine (at least not as a bottom), but hey, I’m glad it exists. Go forth and obstruct your orifices if you so desire, my kinky friends.

 

Thanks to Bestvibe for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this toy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Biird Obii

Kate Sloan

Picture yourself as Cinderella, or Snow White, or another of those Disney princesses who enlist woodland creatures to do their bidding. Picture the sun cresting over the horizon, beams of light beginning to stream into your quaint forest cottage. Picture a pink cartoon bird landing on your windowsill and chirping, “Would you like an orgasm?” That’s kind of the whole vibe (so to speak) of the adorable Biird Obii.

Made to look like a stylized little bird, the Obii is a rechargeable vibrator that also offers “pressure wave” stimulation, the technology originally developed (as far as I know) by Womanizer and later utilized by other companies like Satisfyer and Lelo. New phenomena in the realm of clitoral stimulation don’t come along too often, so it’s no surprise that so many sex toy reviewers and sex writers have effused about the wonders of pressure waves – they really are pretty cool. They work by way of a tiny panel inside the toy’s nozzle that moves back and forth to create rhythmic suction/pressure around your clit, if you can get a good enough seal. This makes the sensation essentially “touchless” in a way that vibrators are not, so some people report more intense orgasms and shorter refractory periods with this type of toy.

The control panel on the bottom of the Obii – thoughtfully labeled, with buttons that are easy to press but hard to accidentally press, hooray – allows you to flip between the toy’s 4 vibration modes (3 steady speeds + 1 pulsing pattern) and its 3 pressure-wave intensities. You can use one at a time or turn them both on if you like your clit-sucking with a side of vibration.

The problem is, the vibrations on this toy are… sad. Like, “weak” or “disappointing” are not even the right words; when I turned on the vibrations for the first time, I felt like saying out loud to the toy, “Oh, honey…” They’re meager, they’re buzzy as hell, and they’re buried so deeply in the toy that I can’t even discern where the motor is or which part of the vibe I’m supposed to press against my clit, since all positionings feel equally numbing and underwhelming. If you are looking for a vibrator – or you’re curious about pressure wave toys but want to be able to use yours as a vibrator incase it turns out you don’t like pressure waves – then definitely look elsewhere. The power and resonance of the Obii’s vibrations are literally on par with one of those single-use bullets sold alongside Trojan condoms in fluorescently-lit drugstore aisles.

But what makes the Obii interesting and remarkable isn’t the vibration, it’s the pressure waves. And those are actually pretty swell. The waves this toy creates feel stronger and, for lack of a better word, “rumblier” than those I’ve experienced from some others. While reaching orgasm is always a slow process for me with this type of toy, because it focuses so intensely on the exposed tip of my clit and thus risks overstimulating me easily, they are nonetheless very much within reach when I’m using this toy. I wish there were more than 3 settings, because my clit is a sensitive little flower and I like gradation, but the existing settings are plenty good enough to get me off. And incase you’ve never had a pressure-wave orgasm, I’ll reiterate here: they really are different from orgasms with a vibrator, or orgasms achieved via just about any other means. They’re kinda like… if your clit was a dick, and you were getting a blowjob from a robot, but the robot only knew how to suck the head of your dick and not the shaft, but it was really good at that. (Bam. Another brilliant sex toy reviewer metaphor. 😂 I’m good at my job sometimes, I swear.)

An issue with the Obii, which some other reviewers who I deeply respect have pointed out, is that the nozzle is unusually small for a toy of this type, and that the moving panel inside the nozzle is abnormally close to the opening. What this means is that people with bigger clits will likely have a hard time using the Obii comfortably. I have asked a couple partners of mine over the years whether my clit is small, average, or large (yes, dating me is quite an adventure), and both of them said it was average or perhaps slightly larger than average, and I found this toy comfortable and inoffensive – but your mileage may vary. (It’s annoying that culturally we don’t talk about clits nearly as much as we talk about dicks, and so we don’t have an understanding of what an “average-sized” clit would look like, but also, maybe that’s a blessing in disguise. There’s already enough vagina-shame in the world; let’s not start comparing and competing with regards to clit size!)

The Obii won the Red Dot design award, and it’s easy to see why, from an aesthetic standpoint: it’s very pretty. I actually love how cute it is, and I think it would make you happy if you’re one of those people whose experience is genuinely improved when the sex toy you’re using is #AestheticGoals. It also doubles as a bedside lamp when placed on its cradle to charge; it casts a dim, warm glow that would be ideal for sexytimes (although, you know, the light would go off whenever you grabbed the Obii to use it). The silicone used all over the toy is wonderfully soft and silky in my hand, though it’s also one of the foremost lint magnets in my entire sex toy collection.

The silkiness of the silicone also poses problems during use. I can’t maintain a solid grip on the toy for long unless I squeeze it past the point of comfort (which, as someone with chronic pain in my hands and elsewhere, I’m especially disinclined to do). The ridges on the side of the toy seem like they could help with grippiness, but in practice they don’t actually help much. This also points to one of the problems with making a “design-y” sex toy: just because a shape looks pretty doesn’t mean it’ll feel good in someone’s hand or against someone’s body. While testing the Obii I often found myself reminiscing fondly on more ergonomically-shaped pressure wave toys like the Satisfyer Penguin.

All of that said, though… I can’t deny that I like pressure wave stimulation, in a “forced orgasm” kind of way, because it’s more intense and more direct than the stimulation I typically pursue – and I also can’t deny that the Biird Obii is pretty damn good at that type of stimulation. At one point while I was testing it, I watched a video on YouPorn of a domme holding a wand vibe against a penis pump in which her sub’s cock was trapped, and it occurred to me that the stimulation of pressure wave toys is similar to what I imagine that would feel like: mild and muffled vibration paired with insistent suction. It’s a very effective combo on my clit and on the clits of many other people. The Biird Obii may not be the perfect manifestation of this type of toy, but it’s cute as hell, smooth and soft, and surprisingly satisfying – so I say, as long as your clit is on the small-to-average side, have at it.

 

Thanks to Biird for sending me the Obii to try! This review was sponsored, which means that I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Tracy’s Dog Pecker

Kate Sloan

I’m back with another Tracy’s Dog review! And I’ve learned slightly more about this company since reviewing another toy of theirs last week! Namely: that the company is titled the way it is, as per TD’s marketing team, “because we are loyal and loving to our customers and we always get our customers’ backs no matter what. Always be there for them if they need anything. Also, we bring joy and pleasure to people!”

I guess I’d rather refer to my favorite vibes as “woman’s best friend” than as a “battery-operated boyfriend” as some companies insist upon doing. I do sometimes have to do a double-take when I read phrases like “Tracy’s Dog clitoral sucker,” to make sure I haven’t accidentally stumbled onto bestiality porn (yikes), but, you know, there are sex toy company names out there that I dislike more. (“Womanizer” and “I Rub My Duckie” come to mind!)

The toy I’m reviewing today is the Pecker, a new G-spot stimulator from Tracy’s Dog – so called, presumably, because it attacks your pleasure zones like a woodpecker. It’s both a vibrator and a pulsator. The vibration is plenty good enough for me – decently strong and rumbly for a $37 toy, 3 steady speeds followed by 7 patterns – but the real point of interest on this thing is the pulsation. There’s a circular panel in the tip of the toy which, much like the “Pulse Plate” on the Hot Octopuss Queen Bee, trembles visibly like the “come hither” motion of a particularly dexterous partner’s fingers. And when I first saw it do this, my G-spot started trembling too.

See, the reasons I didn’t like the pulsation of the Queen Bee were that 1) the “Pulse Plate” was too large and broad to hit a targeted spot like the clit with any precision or intensity, and 2) my clit doesn’t really like this type of pulsing, so it would seem. But my G-spot is a different beast, plus the pulsating part of the Pecker is small enough that it can actually focus on a particular spot instead of mostly pummeling the surrounding area. This feels like Tracy’s Dog employed the right technology for the right erogenous zone. Always a delight when sex toy companies manage to do that!

Image via Tracy’s Dog.

So what does the pulsation actually feel like? I have to admit that when I first inserted the toy and held down the pulsation button to turn it on, I nearly fell out of bed from the sudden intensity of it. I’d already spent several minutes watching porn and stimulating myself externally so I’d be warmed up for testing, since I know my G-spot requires a lot of foreplay, but the Pecker was still too intense for me right off the bat, even on the lowest setting. However, it was the kind of over-intensity that’s borderline-pleasurable and that can feel more enjoyable if you lean into it and accept that the slight discomfort is part of the complexity of the sensation. For me, intense G-spot stimulation is almost always accompanied by some degree of that “need to pee” feeling, a stingy edge of discomfort. It usually blossoms into pleasure when I give it time to do so, and though the Pecker was initially very jarring to my spot, it did eventually start to feel good as I continued turning myself on.

It’s interesting to compare the toy’s vibration functions and its pulsation, which you can activate either separately or together – to which I say, hallelujah, I love this function. Tracy’s Dog points out that since there are 10 vibration settings and 5 pulsation settings, there are 50 different combinations you can create thereof – and while not all of them feel noticeably different from one another, my G-spot craves the sensation of motion enough that even a small change can help ramp me up to a higher arousal level. The pulsation feels sharper, like an exacting partner pressing their fingers hard and fast into your G-spot, while the vibration feels more massage-like and stimulates the whole vagina rather than just that one spot. They both have their place, and I switch back and forth between the two a lot during use, but activating them both at the same time is usually far too much sensation for me. That said, if you’re one of those “No amount of G-spot stimulation is enough!!” people, you’d likely enjoy the onslaught of feeling that this toy provides.

As with the last Tracy’s Dog toy I reviewed, I found that this one has patterns that don’t entirely work for my body. Of the 5 pulsation settings, my favorites are the straight-‘n’-steady 5th one (why did they put the most basic one last?) and the steadily pulsing 2nd one. The others are comparatively erratic – a slow and steady up-and-down, a rumbling escalation ending in 3 strong bursts, and 3 medium taps followed by one longer and stronger buzz. While I’m sure some people would enjoy them for their teasing qualities, for me they’re too intense and all-over-the-place and usually just end up making both me and my G-spot feel jumpy and on edge.

However, the combination of the steady pulsation mode with a vibration pattern? Blissful. Sometimes I’m using the vibration function for a while, and then I get close to orgasm but don’t necessarily want to change the vibration pattern, lest I ruin my own orgasm. Turning on the pulsator at this point is often enough to push me over the edge – though, just as often, it becomes overwhelming and I have to backpedal a bit. (My G-spot is a fickle bitch, it’s true.)

I’m usually thrusting when I use this toy, which significantly improves how it feels for me. Hyperfocusing on just one area of my G-spot is a good way to overstimulate me in short order; I appreciate being able to move the toy in and out to stimulate both the shallower and deeper parts of my G-spot. Thankfully and thoughtfully, the toy has a looped handle which makes thrusting a whole lot easier than it otherwise would be, both for me and for any partners who might fuck me with this toy in the future. I also appreciate that the Pecker is on the longer side for a G-spot toy (about 8″ total or 6″ insertable), so I can massage all areas of my G-spot even as it swells from arousal. Tracy’s Dog made this toy long-ish because they wanted it to also be able to hit the A-spot or the prostate; however, for me, the tip isn’t quite narrow enough to slide up into my A-spot, and I would hesitate to use this toy anally because the base isn’t flared enough and the pulsating plate seems difficult to clean as effectively as anal bacteria requires. To me this is 100% a G-spot toy and it serves that function very well.

I wish the Pecker’s pulsator had some lower/less intense settings instead of starting at “WHAT THE FUCK” levels, but truth be told, I’d rather a toy be too strong than too weak. And it’s not even that this vibe is too strong (as my clit can attest from when I’ve held the Pecker on it, where it just registers as a middling vibrator) – it’s that it’s simultaneously strong and very focused on my G-spot. I can always dial back the sensation by angling the toy so it presses less directly against my spot until I’m ready for it; when a G-spot vibrator is too weak, there’s not much you can do to fix the situation.

I’m quite surprised by how much I like the Tracy’s Dog Pecker, especially since its name contains the phrase “dog pecker.” It just does what I want a G-spot toy to do. Whether I turn on the vibrations, the pulsation, both at the same time, or even neither, it gives me more than enough G-spot stimulation (with a little added thrusting) to create profound and surprising blended orgasms while I’m using another vibe on my clit. I could also see this toy mixing well with oral sex, since the looped handle would make it easy for a partner to hold and thrust while going down on me. If you like a LOT of G-spot stimulation, I think you’ll dig this one – so long as you can get over the name.

 

Thanks to Tracy’s Dog for providing this toy for me to review! This post was sponsored, meaning that I was paid by Tracy’s Dog to write a fair and honest review of their toy. As always, all words and opinions are my own.

Review: Drywell Lolita G-Spot Vibrator

Kate Sloan

I must admit, I was pretty amused when I saw there was a sex toy company called Drywell. “What are these,” I wondered, “vibrators for Ben Shapiro?!”

The company wanted me to review one of their toys and let me take my pick, so I selected a silicone rechargeable G-spot vibrator known as the Lolita. I liked its vaguely shell-like, feminine aesthetic, and figured a penetrative vibe is usually a safe bet when choosing a toy I’m not sure I’ll enjoy, because if one of my erogenous zones doesn’t like it then another one might instead.

Well, I was in for a surprise – because I actually do like this vibe. Like, way more than I was expecting. Well-played, Drywell!

The main thing that sets the Lolita apart from other G-spot vibrators of its ilk is that it’s bendable, like the We-Vibe Nova 2 which I also reviewed recently. While I doubt this will become a standard feature of penetrative toys any time soon, I love that I’m seeing it pop up more and more, because a customizable toy is just… a better toy (other factors notwithstanding). We don’t all want the same kinds of stimulation, and the bendability of this vibrator means I’m just as likely to enjoy it, with my sensitive princess of a G-spot, as someone who likes theirs pressed hard and pounded. The Lolita can have almost no curve at all, or it can be curled up into a fairly tight C-shape, or anywhere in between, as per your preference – incredible. There is some scrunching of the silicone casing that happens when you bend it past about 90°, though, which I’d imagine could cause some wear and tear after prolonged use in that position. Conveniently, bending the vibe also helps it anchor in place better when it’s inserted, so I can even use this toy hands-free when I don’t feel like thrusting it.

Let’s talk about the vibrations. This vibe only has one intensity level, which I was prepared to yell and scream about in my review once I learned about it. But here’s the thing… On top of its one steady speed, the Lolita also has 5 patterns, and they make all the difference. I can’t even pick a favorite, and for once it’s not because I hate all of the patterns equally. “Foreplay Mode” is short, fast pulses of vibration; “Touch Mode” is longer pulses that feel slightly like the rhythmic strokes of a partner’s fingers against my G-spot; “Joyful Mode” is also short, fast pulses but more staccato and thus more impactful and stimulating; “Passionate Mode” is short pulses that vary slightly in intensity over time to create a feeling of peaks and valleys; and finally, there’s “Orgasm Mode,” the least aptly-named pattern of the bunch, which starts low and builds up erratically to a high speed over about 2-3 seconds before going back to low.

Most sex toy designers don’t seem to understand what vibration patterns are for. While I’m sure there are people who enjoy patterns with lots of pauses in between their buzzes, or patterns peppered with randomness to keep users on their toes, for the most part I think what vibration patterns do best is create the illusion of movement. This is especially true for G-spot vibrators, since that internal zone has different types of nerves than, say, a clitoris, and thus (in my experience) can more easily interpret the bzz-bzz-bzz of a vibration pattern as feeling more like the tap-tap-tap of a finger or even a thrusting cock as it slides on by. These Drywell patterns seem designed with that in mind, particularly since they lack significant pauses between any of the buzzes, so there’s constant stimulation of some kind no matter what mode you’re on. These are the type of patterns that make me, a pattern-hater, into a pattern-tolerator or even a pattern-adorer.

These patterns (jeez, how many times am I gonna say that word in this review?!) also drastically improve what would otherwise be the toy’s biggest problem: its motor. The Lolita’s vibrations are strong – an important quality in a toy designed to stimulate a structure buried in the vaginal wall, i.e. the G-spot – but they lean fairly buzzy. In fact, if I’m holding the vibe while using it clitorally, often my hand will start to feel numb and itchy within a matter of seconds. But this hand-numbing effect is mitigated significantly once the toy is inside me, where it’s designed to go – and so is the annoyance of the vibrations on my erogenous zones. Any time my G-spot starts to feel a bit desensitized from all the buzzing, I can just switch to a different pattern and it’ll feel good again. Even when the surface skin of my vagina gets pretty overstimulated, the deeper tissue can still register the tapping, thumping, and pulsing of the patterns – in fact, it almost feels more like fingerfucking or thrusting when I get to this stage, even if the vibe remains stationary. It’s really wonderful and unique.

Image via Drywell

Speaking of thrusting, you can definitely do that with this toy. It’s actually designed really thoughtfully with that usage in mind, so it would seem. Once you’ve adjusted the shaft to your ideal angle – which, by the way, might change as your G-spot gets more turned on – you can grab the handle, which has handy silicone grips on either side for this purpose, and press against the hard plastic panel on the back of it to give you leverage while you thrust. As someone who struggles to move toys in and out on bad pain days (especially toys made of silicone, one of the draggiest materials even with lube), I appreciate these little touches a lot.

That good design also extends to the toy’s control panel. It has two buttons: one turns the toy on, and the other cycles through the patterns. But crucially, the power button also functions as a “back to the previous pattern” button when the toy is in use, which is fucking fantastic. It is annoying as hell to have to scroll through every single pattern to get back to the one you liked, especially in the throes of arousal, so I really appreciate being able to navigate between the settings easily and quickly.

My G-spot has to be very warmed up to enjoy this toy, but once it’s in the mood for intense stimulation, boy, can the Lolita deliver. The combo of vibration patterns + thrusting + the subtle dragging/scraping of the toy’s ridged head against my vaginal wall is kinda divine. One downside of how intense the Lolita is: I can’t pair it with clitoral vibrators that are at all subtle, like the Eroscillator, because their sensations will just get drowned out by the high-octane buzzing and throbbing going on in my vag. Something with a lot of power and a bit of buzz, like the Magic Wand, makes a much better companion for the Lolita.

Lest you think I like everything about this toy, here’s the paragraph my journalism-school professors would call “the fly in the ointment”… First off, the Lolita is loud, though the noise level dies down significantly when it’s in my vag. Secondly, the buttons of mine light up in erratic, seemingly patternless flashes when the toy is on, which doesn’t bug me all that much but could be distracting or even epilepsy-triggering for some folks. Thirdly, the ridges all up and down the toy’s insertable portion are hell to clean, and require some kind of scrub brush. And finally, I have to imagine this toy isn’t terribly high-quality due to the price (a shockingly low $22 USD or $36 CAD), so I wouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t last me very long; that said, it does feel much more durable in my hands than a lot of other vibes I’ve tested in this price range.

I wouldn’t recommend this vibe for prostate play, even though it would likely feel awesome on a prostate, because the base is not at all flared so it wouldn’t be safe to insert anally. Drywell doesn’t really make anything anal-safe, although they do have this self-lubricating massage wand (???) that is marked “for male” and that is therefore probably designed to do something to dicks and/or butts. I dunno, your guess is as good as mine.

All in all, I continue to be surprised by how much I like this vibrator. I’m not the biggest fan of G-spot vibration in general, but when I’m craving it occasionally, I’d much rather reach for the Drywell Lolita than the Lelo Mona or even the We-Vibe Rave because of the bendability, stellar patterns, and ease of use. (Sorry, We-Vibe, but I don’t always want to smear lube on my phone screen trying to change my vibe’s settings mid-wank.) It’s also way cheaper than those other toys, which can sell for $100+ each. When I need to stuff my vagina with vibrations to get enough over-the-top G-spot stimulation for a killer blended orgasm, the Lolita’s my gal.

Y’all, I can’t believe a toy made by a company called Drywell made me squirt. What a world we live in.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning that Drywell (whose products you can buy in various places online) paid me to write a fair and honest review of their product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own. Yes, I really do actually like this vibe!