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5 Ill-Advised Items I’ve Used as Sex Toys (& What I Should’ve Used Instead)

Kate Sloan

Ah, the follies of youth.

We all make bad choices sometimes, but young people are especially prone to them, because they haven’t yet gained the life experience and knowledge they need to make better decisions for themselves; that self-education is a lifelong process.

I also think sexuality is an area where mistakes are easily made, both because lust and arousal are powerful disinhibitors and because far too many educational institutions still offer painfully inaccurate or nonexistent sex education.

Some of my silliest sexual mistakes prior to becoming sexually active (which brought a whole slew of even more mistakes) were related to using weird household objects to jerk off with. Now that I’ve grown up and literally review adult sex toys for a living, I know better… but back then, I was just feeling things out, so to speak. For your amusement and edification, here are some of the non-sexual items I have used for sexual purposes, and some suggestions of what I should have used instead…

 

An electric toothbrush

The classic. I’m sure I know dozens of people who’ve tried this at least once.

While I did occasionally find that the bristly side felt good in a vaguely masochistic way, usually I flipped the toothbrush around and used the back of the head. The vibration produced by electric toothbrushes is typically extremely buzzy, so I would have to rub it in circles against myself in order to feel much of anything. I got off that way regularly back then, but don’t think I could do so now, with my older, less easily orgasmic, more skeptical clit.

Obviously there are hygiene issues when doing this (I did not use a toothbrush that was currently anyone’s actual toothbrush) and, while the shape/size of an electric toothbrush is close to ideal for many clits, the stimulation itself leaves something to be desired. I think a slim, focused vibe like the Zumio would be the most logical upgrade.

 

A body massager I bought for about $5.99 at a discount shop

This thing was so weird. I’m sure I still have it somewhere. It was L-shaped, to help you reach sore spots on your shoulders and back (theoretically). It was EXTREMELY loud, such that I always had to put music on whenever I used it, and would get myself off with it as quickly as possible so no one would hear. The vibrations were powerful, but not particularly rumbly, which also contributed to me wanting to finish as fast as I could every time – using this vibe for too many minutes made my clit numb.

I didn’t have the budget for it back then, being a teen with no job, but it definitely would’ve been better to use something like the Magic Wand. And ideally I’d be able to soundproof my room as well 😂

 

A remote control for a stereo

I don’t think I ever used this penetratively… At least, I hope I didn’t…

My stereo’s remote was rounded off at one end, and I discovered somehow that rubbing it gently against my clit through my underwear felt good. It was something about the firmness of the hard plastic, paired with the softness of the curved edge. Hey, who knows why teenagers do what they do.

In retrospect, I probably could have achieved a similar effect with many other items – including my own fingers, if I’d used a light touch. But I didn’t have as much of a manual masturbation “repertoire” at that time so I didn’t know all the different sensations I could give myself without any toys (or makeshift toys) at all.

 

A shampoo bottle

Let me clarify… This was a bottle of Neutrogena T-Gel shampoo, which comes in a more slender bottle than most shampoos. Still, though – it’s a bit of an odd choice for penetration, which is the way I was using it. Hard plastic is a decent material for sexual usage in that it’s nonporous and generally body-safe, but the angular edges on many shampoo bottles make them uncomfortable at best and dangerous at worst.

I’ve only ever done this under very specific circumstances: I was jerking off in the tub, using my fingers or a clitoral vibe, and had trouble reaching orgasm, so I decided to add some penetration to get me there. (With my hand strength issues being what they are, usually I can only use up to 2 fingers inside myself comfortably, so if I’m alone and want penetration larger than that, it has to be with some kind of implement.) A small-to-average-sized dildo made of a firm material would’ve been a better choice, like any of the inexpensive glass ones I loved in my early 20s.

 

A cucumber

I mostly just tried this as a joke. Also, at some point long ago, I read a surprisingly hot erotica story about a woman who is overtaken by sexual curiosity about her neighbor’s vegetable garden and steals one of his cucumbers for masturbation purposes. That’s an image that doesn’t really leave you. 🥒

My partner brought home an enormous, slightly curved cucumber from the store one day because they were planning on using it to make some refreshing summer cocktails for us, but like the sex nerds that we are, we decided to fuck with it first. We left the plastic wrapping on it, which was a mistake, because it had some sharp seams that, uh, did not agree with my vagina.

If I wanted to try this again, I’d take the wrapping off and replace it with a regular condom (which is also what you should do if you ever plan on fucking yourself or anyone else with a piece of produce). Or I’d just use a dildo. 🤷🏻‍♀️

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Sexual Technique vs. Sexual Attitude: What Matters More?

Kate Sloan
Truly did not know what photo to pair with this piece so here is an old one of me doing a cunnilingus face.

I spend a lot of time on the Sex forum on Reddit, so I read a lot of posts from frustrated virgins who are afraid that they’ll never get laid. One of their more pervasive fears is that it will be immediately obvious to their first partner that they are a virgin, because of their unpolished technique. They live in terror of being humiliated by a partner who judges them for their abilities or lack thereof.

I have been there myself. While struggling with a prohibitive fear of giving blowjobs at the age of 18, I sincerely worried I would never get into a healthy, happy relationship, because I was mostly attracted to cis men romantically but had no idea what to do with their junk, which I assumed would be a dealbreaker for almost all of them. I imagine this fear is even more pronounced for men with little experience, since our culture too often paints heterosexual sex as men’s responsibility to manage from start to finish, whereas it’s considered more acceptable for women to lie back and have things done to them. (I’m not saying that’s how it should be, but for many people, it’s how it is.) It’s no wonder that these men are so terrified of having poor sexual technique; they’ve been told that their skill level will be the main deciding factor for whether the sex they have is good or not, both for themselves and for their partner(s).

The advice I always give these guys is some version of the following: your attitude matters way more than your technique, and your attitude is what will actually allow you to develop good technique. What should your attitude be, going into a first-time sexual encounter (or, frankly, any sexual encounter)? I think it should be centered around the desire to listen to your partner, pay attention to their reactions, communicate, explore, experiment, and have fun. And you do not have to be some kind of sex god to do any of that. You just have to be attentive and enthusiastic, and you have to care. I already know that these guys are all of those things, because they care enough about sex and have enough enthusiasm about it to wonder how to get good at it, and they’re (usually) attentive to the answers they receive on their posts. The part that they’re missing is the “relax and have fun” part, but that gets easier with time.

Technique-wise, there is definitely a lot you can learn before you ever have sex with another person. You can read articles online about the clitoris, the G-spot, or whatever other parts you’re interested in pleasing. You can study anatomical diagrams like you’re memorizing a map before a road trip. You can read books on sexual technique, like She Comes First and Becoming Cliterate. You can check out instructional websites that focus on sexual technique, like OMGYes or https://www.thepleasurekeys.com. You can practice on your own body, because even if you have different anatomy from the people you’re predominantly attracted to, genitals are all analogous to one another and share plenty of commonalities.

It’s crucial to remember, though, that all the technique-based knowledge in the world is no substitute for asking your partner what they like. Few things frustrate me more than men who keep doing a thing I’ve repeatedly told them doesn’t feel good for me, because their ex-girlfriend liked it, or they read about it in a magazine or something. While it’s always possible that you could introduce someone to sensations they never knew their body could feel, generally your partner will be the world’s leading authority on what feels good for them and what gets them off. To ignore their feedback is to ignore the most useful sexual advice you’ll ever receive.

Given the choice between a partner with well-practiced sexual technique but a shitty attitude, or a partner with an excellently open-minded attitude but no technique to speak of, I would choose the partner with the good attitude almost every time. (I say “almost” because hey, we all make choices that aren’t in our best interest sometimes!) If someone is communicative, kind, generous, attentive, and enthusiastic, you can pretty much teach them whatever sexual skills you want them to learn. It may take practice before they get the hang of it – it usually does – but once they figure it out, they will be leaps and bounds ahead of that douchebag who claims to be a killer cunnilinguist but actually just keeps doing that tongue-flicky thing you told them you hate.

So if you’re reading this and feeling inadequate because you lack sexual experience, just know that your attitude will take you farther than anything else. I’d much rather the face between my legs be looking up at me with cheerful curiosity than with smug certainty. That way, we can discover new pleasures together.

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: BigShocked 8-Inch Silicone Wolf Dog Dildo

Kate Sloan

Content note: As this dildo is inspired by dog/wolf penises, there will be some discussion in this post of canine mating habits. No bestiality, just dog-on-dog stuff. I know. I’m sorry. Let’s get through it together.

So-called “fantasy dildos” have never interested me that much, although I do find other people’s interest in them to be, in itself, interesting.

Almost all of my fantasies are about humans, rather than being about animals, mythical creatures, supernatural beings, extraterrestrials, or anything else. And to be clear, I’m not saying that in a judgey way. I think fantasy is just fantasy, and that doing bestiality is unethical but you can fantasize about whatever you want. I also think it’s cool as hell that the human sexual psyche is so wide-ranging and inventive. This is just not a side of it that holds much appeal for me personally.

But then the folks at Bigshocked offered to send me a dildo to review, and I was amazed by their wide selection of alien dildos, monster dildos, horse dildos, and dog dildos, just to name a few. I figured, when am I going to get another chance to review something so odd and out-there? (Well, probably pretty soon, if my career history is any indication, but hey, it’s a figure of speech.) After much deliberation, I asked for the 8-inch silicone wolf/dog dildo in a luminescent shade of green.

 

Sent this photo to my partner to show them what I was working on today. Dating me is an adventure.

What makes this dildo doglike and why the hell did I choose it?

While working on this review, I did some research on canine mating habits. I had to, because almost all my knowledge on this topic comes from a source I wouldn’t necessarily trust for scientific accuracy: erotic fanfiction.

See, there’s a fanfic genre known as “omegaverse” which incorporates elements of dog reproduction alongside tropey misconceptions about how wolf societies work. (The concept of wolf packs containing “alpha males,” “beta males,” etc. has been debunked, as it was based on observations of wolves in captivity, not out in the wild where they would normally be.)

In omegaverse fanfic – or at least, in the stories I’ve read from that genre – typically there’s an “alpha” character and an “omega” character. Every so often, the omega goes into heat, at which time they become sexually irresistible to alphas and also become irrepressibly horny for alpha dick. When an alpha fucks an omega, the alpha’s cock goes through a process called “knotting,” whereby a portion of the penis near the base (the “knot”) swells outward, effectively locking the alpha and omega together because the alpha cannot physically remove their dick from the omega while the knot is swollen.

I looked into it and a lot of this is accurate to how dogs mate. Most notably, knotting is a real thing that happens to dogs – but it’s definitely not as sexy/sensual/romantic as omegaverse fic makes it sound. For instance, the male dog usually turns around mid-bang so that he’s standing butt-to-butt with his mate, dick bending back between his legs. (Ever tried to do this as a human fucking a human? Sounds painful.) Peep this paragraph from an informative webpage I unfortunately read in its entirety while researching this review:

Dogs new to mating may experience a bit of anxiety at being locked together, but it’s a natural process. Help your dog to remain calm and stand still until the two can safely separate. This will occur on its own once the male dog’s arousal subsides.

Anyway, not to prattle on too long about dog sex (oops, I definitely already have), but I mainly was drawn to this dildo because I’ve enjoyed omegaverse fic before and find it hot to imagine someone being so turned on by my pussy that their dick literally gets too hard for them to physically remove it. I mean, come on.

 

Stuff I like about this dildo

  • I think people who are into those canine/omegaverse-type fantasies will be satisfied by the shape of this,  both visually and tactilely. I didn’t subject myself to a Google image search of dog dicks (sorry, I can only be as intrepid a sex toy reviewer as my anxious mind and sensitive stomach will allow), but I think this one looks pretty legit and ticks all the right boxes, so to speak.
  • On that note, it’s one of the less expensive fantasy dildos I’ve seen, so if you’re thirsty for alpha dick but gotta stick to a budget, I think this is a perfectly serviceable choice.
  • Even setting aside the animal aspect of this toy, I find the shape pleasurable and interesting. It’s rare to find a dildo with a tapered tip and a thick knot-like swell in the middle, so it really doesn’t feel like many other dildos I have tried. Its pointed tip hits my A-spot easily, but gently, when inserted all the way. The knotted section doesn’t do much for my G-spot because it protrudes moreso sideways than up-and-down, but it massages my vaginal walls in unusual ways and creates sensations I’ve rarely felt before.
  • For me, the size is reasonable and enjoyable. The shaft ranges in diameter from 1.37″ to 1.77″, and the insertable length is 6.93″, so I can get most of it inside me when I’m fully aroused. It never feels uncomfortable size-wise, only texture-wise (more on that later).
  • The teardrop-shaped base is excellent. I prefer when dildo bases offer some way to tell how the dildo is oriented when it’s inside you, because otherwise mine end up rotating around without me noticing, and then suddenly I’m using a G-spot dildo sideways and wondering why it feels like I’m getting a pap smear from an angry and overcaffeinated doctor. The base of this dildo makes it immediately clear to me which way it’s facing, so I don’t have to worry about that.
  • The base is also flared enough that you could use this toy anally and/or in a strap-on. Hot.

 

Stuff I don’t like about this dildo

  • In terms of quality, this dildo is definitely lacking. This toy only costs $36.50 and you are getting what you pay for. The swirls of color in it are artless and kind of ugly (IMO), and it just doesn’t feel as thoughtfully designed or carefully made as pricier dildos I’ve owned from Tantus, Uberrime, and so on. That said, I did administer a flame test to this Bigshocked dildo and the results seemed to indicate it is indeed made of pure silicone, as it claims to be.
  • I kind of wish the knot was firmer! Hell, maybe I just wish the whole dildo was firmer (its silicone is “Medium Super Soft Shore 10A”). This is very much a matter of personal taste, but one of the reasons I was excited about the knot was that I figured it would make orgasmic contractions feel more intense – but actually, it’s squishy enough that it didn’t make much of a difference sensation-wise. The orgasms are still good (I mean, they’re orgasms!), but I feel I would come harder with a firmer toy.
  • For me, the ribbed texture on the shaft is a bit much. I’m talking mostly about the part of the shaft between the head and the knot. There are times when it feels amazing against my vaginal walls, but also times when it feels scrapey and overstimulating. I would definitely recommend using a thick water-based lube liberally with this toy.
  • The silicone is very glossy, which means it’s also very prone to collecting lint and hairs, and amassing static electricity. This is annoying but not a huge deal.
  • Assuming you’re using this dildo vaginally, you kind of have to be fully aroused to get the full experience of it, because of how long it is and how far down the shaft the knot is located. If you’re unable to insert a dildo more than 4″ into you, you won’t comfortably reach the knot, so I would recommend doing a fair bit of warm-up before using this toy to make sure your vaginal canal has lengthened enough to accommodate it.

 

Final thoughts

If you love the thought of getting fucked by a doglike dick – and hey, I’m not judging – I think the Bigshocked silicone wolf/dog dildo will have you howling with delight.

It’s not the fanciest toy in the world, and not one that especially appeals to my own sexual sensibilities, but I’m glad I own one now, so that it’ll be around any time I’m craving a… bone.

 

This post was sponsored. That means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: We-Vibe Melt

Kate Sloan

I’ve been hearing about the We-Vibe Melt for years, and recently finally got to try one, thanks to my pals at Honeysx. Read on for my thoughts!

 

What is the We-Vibe Melt?

The We-Vibe Melt is a pressure-wave clitoral stimulator, meaning that it encloses the clitoris in its little mouth and uses pulses of air to “touchlessly” stimulate the clitoral head and shaft. Some people report that pressure waves feel like oral sex; for me, they certainly feel more similar to oral than vibration does, but overall the sensation is more like rhythmic tapping, or like getting head from a robot.

As with most We-Vibe products, this one is specifically designed to be useable during penetrative partnered sex. It has a slim profile and an ergonomic shape that allows it to slip between bodies fairly easily, even in (a slightly adjusted version of) missionary position. This is a big benefit of this toy for me, because my all-time favorite pressure-wave stimulator, the Lelo Sila, is way too bulky and awkward to use in this way.

Also as with most We-Vibe products, this one is rechargeable, waterproof, can be controlled via a smartphone app or its built-in buttons, and has a 2-year warranty. Score.

 

How does it feel?

I am always pretty skeptical about trying new pressure-wave toys, because I have to put them on the most sensitive part of my entire body without first knowing if they’re going to be massively overstimulating, which they often are. In general I would recommend getting yourself turned on before using a toy like this, for the same reason that it can be nice for a partner to kiss your thighs, lick around your genitals, etc. before going for the gold.

Warm-up is especially recommended because this toy is quite a bit rumblier/”thumpier” than most other toys of its type. This is great news overall but can make the toy feel somewhat jarring if you try to use it before you’re turned on. That said, because of its deep rumbliness, I find that this toy works better than most for teasing myself through my clitoral hood or inner labia. By holding the toy’s “mouth” against either of those areas, I can still feel the rhythmic thumping being transmitted to my clit, but it’s not as direct and intense as it would be if I put it directly on the tip of my clit.

Another thing that sets this toy apart from others is its oval-shaped mouth. Of course, all clits are different, but some people might find that this oval shape helps them get a better seal around their clit, allowing for better, stronger stimulation. It’s got a little flexibility to it, so you could even manually pinch it closed with the hand that’s not holding the toy, if you wanted firmer pressure and a tighter seal, though that’s not necessary.

The first day that I tested this toy, I got off with it 3 times over the course of the day, which is highly unusual for me. A lot of people say they’re more able to have multiple orgasms with pressure-wave toys because the stimulation is gentle/indirect enough that it doesn’t leave them feeling oversensitized after climax. I can see how this would be an advantage for some people, but for myself personally, I find that orgasms from pressure-wave toys don’t tend to be as satisfying as other types of orgasms, which is why I end up going for multiples a lot of the time. I just don’t get off as hard with these as I do when there’s a great vibrator or oscillator pressed against my clitoral hood. Adding penetration helps, but still, I would never grab this type of toy if I wanted a world-destroying, “what the fuck just happened?!” kind of orgasm. For me, these toys are more suitable for mid-day wank breaks, when I want to release some tension and some endorphins without necessarily derailing my whole day.

That said, just because the orgasms aren’t terribly satisfying doesn’t mean the toy isn’t pleasurable. It definitely is. This is one of the more pleasurable pressure-wave toys I’ve tried – certainly in my top 3 – because of how rumbly it is. It stimulates the entire visible portion of the clitoris and some of the non-visible portion as well. Paired with porn, erotica, or fantasies, it can take me from zero to orgasm in a matter of minutes. And while the orgasms aren’t satisfying, they are still enjoyable and often intense, particularly when I incorporate penetration.

 

Mouth size comparison: Lelo Sila (purple), We-Vibe Melt (coral), and Satisfyer Curvy 2+ (pale peach)

Useability & things to keep in mind

As the Dildoodler points out in their excellent Melt review, there just isn’t nearly as much info out there about clitoral size as there is about penis size. (I just looked it up, and the search terms “clit size,” “clitoral size” and “clitoris size” bring up a collective 462,000 results; meanwhile, “penis size” and “dick size” bring up a total of 15 MILLION results. That’s roughly a 32-to-1 ratio in terms of the amount of information that’s out there.) As a result of this info gap, a lot of people with clits would have no idea how to rank their own clit size in relation to the average. Hell, it’s hard to even measure a clit, especially since there’s so little education out there about the clitoral shaft and the fact that the clitoris swells with arousal like the penis does.

All this to say, it can be difficult to choose a pressure wave toy that will fit your clit the way you want it to, both because most of us don’t know our clit size off the top of our head and because most sex toy companies are not advertising their clitoral toys on the basis of what sizes they will fit. So let’s envision a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is the smallest “mouth” I’ve ever seen on this type of toy, and 10 is the large mouth of the Lelo Sila, which can fit my ring finger and pinky finger simultaneously up to the first knuckle. On that scale, I’d put the We-Vibe Melt at a 6 or so. Its oval shape and the softly rounded edges of its mouth make it feel more accommodating than tiny toys that focus only on the very very tip of my clit (which I hate), but it’s definitely not big enough to surround my entire fully-aroused clitoral shaft like the Sila is. For this reason, I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone who knows they have a large clit (which I imagine would include most folks who’ve been on testosterone long enough to experience bottom growth). The Sila or Satisfyer Curvy 2+ are still my top recommendations for larger clits.

The Melt is quiet compared to almost all the other pressure-wave toys I’ve tried. I didn’t worry about my roommate or neighbors hearing me when I used it at 2 a.m. one night, for example. It’s not silent – none of these toys really are, because of their suction-inspired mechanism – but if you put on some music or white noise in the background, or use it in the bath with the water running, no one should be able to hear you in other rooms.

The buttons are placed exactly where I would want them to be for this type of toy; they’re located where my fingers naturally end up when I hold the toy in the comfiest way for my hand. They click and light up when pressed, so you always know when you’ve hit a button successfully – and they’re marked with raised “plus” and “minus” signs so you can find them quickly in the dark and likely won’t press them by accident.

The Melt is currently available in two colors, an orangey-pinky-coral shade (pictured) and a deep, sexy midnight blue. I appreciate these because neither shade feels especially gendered to me. I have heard many transmasculine folks mention that they like using pressure-wave toys as blowjob simulators, so it’s nice when companies offer colorways that don’t scream femininity. I also, in researching this review, stumbled across at least one trans woman who mentioned she enjoyed this toy; not quite sure what her preferred technique was but I think this toy could potentially feel nice against the frenulum of the penis.

Oh yeah, there’s an app

The We-Vibe app can be used to wirelessly control most We-Vibe toys, including this one. It gives you more detailed control over the toy’s intensity at any given moment, and allows you to create your own pressure-wave patterns to try out. It also lets your long-distance sweetie take over control of the toy from afar if they are so inclined.

The reason I’m mentioning this only as an afterthought is that We-Vibe toys’ connectivity still isn’t where I’d like it to be. Compared to other Bluetooth-focused companies like Lovense and Satisfyer, We-Vibe still struggles to make toys that 1) connect easily to their app, 2) stay connected for the entire duration of the session, and 3) respond to changes made in the app within a reasonable timeframe. For this reason, I almost never use We-Vibe’s Bluetooth functionality anymore when I use their toys; it usually ends up being more annoying than pleasurable.

 

Final thoughts

Having tried as many pressure-wave toys as I have, I can almost always perceive big differences between cheap ones and premium ones. High-quality stimulators tend to feel pleasurable right off the bat (if I’m turned on), instead of requiring that I acclimatize myself to intense surface-level tapping on the very tip of my clit. They tend to feel nicer in my hand and on my bits. They tend to be quieter, sleeker, and more durable. The We-Vibe Melt performs like a high-end pressure-wave toy, because, at $122, it is.

If you’re curious about this type of toy and have that kind of cash to burn, I think you’d likely be very happy with the Melt, provided that it fits your clit (and it should fit most of them). But if $122 is a bit of a stretch for you, I’d suggest trying a less expensive pressure-wave toy first to see whether you even like the sensation, and then upgrading when and if you want to and are able to.

If, on the other hand, you already know you like pressure-wave sensations and you want to upgrade to a high-quality product, I think the We-Vibe Melt is a wonderful contender for people whose clits are medium-sized or smaller. And if you know you want oral-like sensations on your clit while a partner is fucking you with their dick or strap-on, this is probably the best one you’re gonna find for that purpose.

I’ve loved We-Vibe for many years, and once again, they have exceeded my expectations.

 

Thanks to Honeysx for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write an honest and fair review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Let’s Talk About Jeans Bondage

Kate Sloan
These Madewell jeans are the tightest ones I own, to the point that a man once shouted “Those pants are too tight” at me while I was wearing them on the street.

I got an unusual request in my inbox a few weeks ago. A reader wanted to pay me to write about her fetish.

The few times that this has happened to me before, usually it’s been because the person essentially wanted custom erotica. But this was different – this person said she wanted me to write something she could link to as a reference as needed, because there was hardly any information on the internet about her particular kink. I was intrigued.

What was the kink? JEANS BONDAGE. I know, I know, you’ve got questions. Well, lucky for you, I’ve got answers. I interviewed this reader of mine via email about how she does what she does. Buckle up! (Or button up, as the case may be…)

 

What is jeans bondage?

When I heard this phrase, initially I pictured someone being tied down using jeans as rope… but that’s not what my reader meant. She explained that when she says “jeans bondage,” what she means is wearing very tight jeans (or being forced to wear very tight jeans) to induce a feeling of helplessness and restricted movement, as with any other form of bondage.

In my reader’s case specifically, she is most often the dominant person in her relationship with her husband, so she is mostly the person consensually “forcing” him to wear tight jeans for her pleasure, although they do occasionally switch.

She relayed to me that this kink originally started for them because she’d always loved the way her husband looks in skinny jeans. (As someone whose spouse looks terrific in skinny jeans, I can relate.) Eventually she began commanding him to wear his jeans around the house sometimes, for her pleasure – and then he started also wearing tight jeans to bed and even overnight at her behest, as they both liked the texture of denim against their skin as they cuddled and slept. From there, it developed into a kink that they enjoy playing with together.

 

What do you do once the jeans are on?

Theoretically you could do pretty much anything that does not involve having access to the jeans-wearer’s bare lower half. Whatever your favorite kinks are, you can probably do them while wearing tight jeans.

But also, my reader told me that she and her husband like to have sex while he’s in his jeans. And not just sex acts that would be possible either way, like him giving oral, but penetrative intercourse. I asked her how she managed this and she said that usually they pull the jeans down just far enough that his penis becomes accessible, and do it that way. She mentioned, too, that her husband’s erections are stronger and last longer when he’s wearing tight jeans; I imagine that this might have to do with the restriction around the area, particularly when the jeans are tugged down to just below his penis, where they might have a slightly constrictive effect on the base of the penis, similar to a cock ring.

There is potentially significant overlap between jeans bondage and chastity play. My reader told me that she and her husband incorporate sex into jeans bondage in two main ways: either no sexual stimulation is allowed until the jeans are at least partly removed (which is only done with the dom’s permission), or the jeans must be put back on immediately after sex is over. Tight jeans can act as a makeshift chastity cage of sorts – or, if you’re actually wearing a chastity cage, tight jeans make that somewhat obvious, which could be fun for erotic humiliation purposes.

 

Is any special equipment required?

Nope, aside from the jeans themselves! My reader told me that she and her husband each own about 12 different pairs of jeans, and that their criteria for “bondage jeans” are different than their criteria for “regular jeans.” She told me they usually buy at least a size tighter than they normally would when shopping with jeans bondage in mind, because the main goal is to restrict movement, especially bending of the knees.

I asked her if the two of them had specific jeans preferences beyond sizing, and she said that they prefer jeans made of denim that is as inflexible as possible. Levi’s and Wranglers are some of her faves. I wonder if something even more rigid, like raw Japanese denim, would be even better.

You’re welcome for these photos, btw.

Are there safety issues to consider?

There’s the basic stuff you’d consider when shopping for jeans in general. Does the material irritate your skin? Is it so tight that it cuts off circulation? Obviously these issues are best avoided if possible. Same as with any other type of bondage, you want something tight enough to give you the desired effect, arousal-wise, but not so tight as to cause medical issues, even when worn for many hours at a time. If you do feel any telltale tingling or other signs of something gone awry, take the jeans off immediately – and keep some safety shears nearby incase you ever have any trouble removing the jeans and need to take them off in a hurry.

My reader also noted that her husband tends to prefer jeans with a button fly over those with a zipper, because when wearing jeans sans underwear (as he does most often during this type of play), it’s easier to accidentally injure your penis with a zipper than with buttons. Good to know!

I’ll also say, I could see it becoming a health risk if someone with a vulva was wearing very tight jeans for extended periods of time without taking them off, changing them, or at least rinsing the genital area. Sounds like a recipe for some kind of infection. With regards to hygiene concerns more generally, my reader told me that her husband generally showers the morning after a play session and then changes into a fresh pair of jeans if they plan to continue playing.

 

What are the benefits and drawbacks of this type of bondage over other types?

Well, for one thing, you probably already own a pair of jeans, or can pick one up cheaply at a thrift store or fast-fashion shop. In that way, this kink is fairly low-cost to play with.

I imagine that folks doing jeans bondage often enough would have to do a lot of laundry on a regular basis. My reader told me that her husband does sometimes come in his jeans as part of their play, and that sometimes she even demands he wear his cum-soaked jeans overnight to emphasize the consensual discomfort (hot, tbh!), but that he always gets to change into a new pair after showering the next morning.

This is a potentially more directly sexually stimulating type of bondage than lots of other kinds, especially for folks with penises. My reader explained that the constant pressure/tightness/friction of jeans against her husband’s junk is a fun way that they play with edging and teasing together.

Not everyone can physically wear tight jeans, and there are also people who may not want to wear jeans because of how it interacts with their sensory issues or similar. Some folks could also potentially struggle with jeans for gender reasons, in which case they might prefer to do this type of play with tight leggings, a corset, or any other restrictive garment that feels gender-affirming.

 

Is there porn that depicts this kink?

My reader told me that she hasn’t been able to find much of anything about it. Indie porn creators, maybe there’s a niche to be filled here! (I will also add that, for pretty much any niche fetish, the best way to get the porn of your dreams is to pay a content creator to make a custom clip just for you.)

In the past, I have sometimes seen “jeans fetish” videos that depicted people looking hot in jeans, often tight jeans, but this seemed to be more about fetishization of the clothing than the restriction it provides. I’ve also seen people wear jeans in porn focused on omorashi (a fetish for seeing people wet themselves or deal with the discomfort of having a full bladder), but, again, that’s not quite the same thing as jeans bondage.

If you know of any niche content focusing on this kink, feel free to link to it in the comments or email me about it!

 

If you want to try jeans bondage for the first time, what do you need to know? (Aside from everything else I’ve written above, that is!)

When I asked my reader this question, knowing that folks might read this post and get curious, there were a few main points she wanted to emphasize.

First of all, she feels it’s crucial that if you’re the dom in a jeans bondage scenario, you must compliment your sub profusely and frequently on how good they look in jeans, how sexy you find them in jeans, etc. This, she said, makes it easier for them to endure the discomfort of wearing tight jeans for extended periods. I totally agree, and this is a piece of advice I give often on my podcast and blog: if you want your partner to do something more often, you gotta compliment them when they do it well (or, in some cases, do it at all).

She advised that beginners “start small,” by initially using jeans that aren’t super tight, and working your way up from there if you want to. Again, really solid advice for any kink – jumping straight into the deep end is usually a bad idea, not least because it can scare you off something you otherwise might have learned to enjoy greatly.

She suggested that you agree in advance on how long the jeans will remain on before being removed, so that the parameters will be clear to both/all participants. My reader noted that she and her husband don’t use safewords but instead just decide the duration of their scene in advance, e.g. you can take the jeans off when the alarm rings in the morning. Personally I am always in favor of having safewords in place, but if you eroticize playing without safewords, please please please watch this video from Princess Kelley May about how to play without safewords in the safest ways possible.

 

Have you ever done (or thought about doing) anything like jeans bondage? What did you think?

 

As I mentioned, this post was sponsored, meaning that I was paid to write it. All writing and opinions are my own, except where I’m quoting or paraphrasing the reader who inspired this post, naturally.