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Review: Biird Obii

Kate Sloan

Picture yourself as Cinderella, or Snow White, or another of those Disney princesses who enlist woodland creatures to do their bidding. Picture the sun cresting over the horizon, beams of light beginning to stream into your quaint forest cottage. Picture a pink cartoon bird landing on your windowsill and chirping, “Would you like an orgasm?” That’s kind of the whole vibe (so to speak) of the adorable Biird Obii.

Made to look like a stylized little bird, the Obii is a rechargeable vibrator that also offers “pressure wave” stimulation, the technology originally developed (as far as I know) by Womanizer and later utilized by other companies like Satisfyer and Lelo. New phenomena in the realm of clitoral stimulation don’t come along too often, so it’s no surprise that so many sex toy reviewers and sex writers have effused about the wonders of pressure waves – they really are pretty cool. They work by way of a tiny panel inside the toy’s nozzle that moves back and forth to create rhythmic suction/pressure around your clit, if you can get a good enough seal. This makes the sensation essentially “touchless” in a way that vibrators are not, so some people report more intense orgasms and shorter refractory periods with this type of toy.

The control panel on the bottom of the Obii – thoughtfully labeled, with buttons that are easy to press but hard to accidentally press, hooray – allows you to flip between the toy’s 4 vibration modes (3 steady speeds + 1 pulsing pattern) and its 3 pressure-wave intensities. You can use one at a time or turn them both on if you like your clit-sucking with a side of vibration.

The problem is, the vibrations on this toy are… sad. Like, “weak” or “disappointing” are not even the right words; when I turned on the vibrations for the first time, I felt like saying out loud to the toy, “Oh, honey…” They’re meager, they’re buzzy as hell, and they’re buried so deeply in the toy that I can’t even discern where the motor is or which part of the vibe I’m supposed to press against my clit, since all positionings feel equally numbing and underwhelming. If you are looking for a vibrator – or you’re curious about pressure wave toys but want to be able to use yours as a vibrator incase it turns out you don’t like pressure waves – then definitely look elsewhere. The power and resonance of the Obii’s vibrations are literally on par with one of those single-use bullets sold alongside Trojan condoms in fluorescently-lit drugstore aisles.

But what makes the Obii interesting and remarkable isn’t the vibration, it’s the pressure waves. And those are actually pretty swell. The waves this toy creates feel stronger and, for lack of a better word, “rumblier” than those I’ve experienced from some others. While reaching orgasm is always a slow process for me with this type of toy, because it focuses so intensely on the exposed tip of my clit and thus risks overstimulating me easily, they are nonetheless very much within reach when I’m using this toy. I wish there were more than 3 settings, because my clit is a sensitive little flower and I like gradation, but the existing settings are plenty good enough to get me off. And incase you’ve never had a pressure-wave orgasm, I’ll reiterate here: they really are different from orgasms with a vibrator, or orgasms achieved via just about any other means. They’re kinda like… if your clit was a dick, and you were getting a blowjob from a robot, but the robot only knew how to suck the head of your dick and not the shaft, but it was really good at that. (Bam. Another brilliant sex toy reviewer metaphor. 😂 I’m good at my job sometimes, I swear.)

An issue with the Obii, which some other reviewers who I deeply respect have pointed out, is that the nozzle is unusually small for a toy of this type, and that the moving panel inside the nozzle is abnormally close to the opening. What this means is that people with bigger clits will likely have a hard time using the Obii comfortably. I have asked a couple partners of mine over the years whether my clit is small, average, or large (yes, dating me is quite an adventure), and both of them said it was average or perhaps slightly larger than average, and I found this toy comfortable and inoffensive – but your mileage may vary. (It’s annoying that culturally we don’t talk about clits nearly as much as we talk about dicks, and so we don’t have an understanding of what an “average-sized” clit would look like, but also, maybe that’s a blessing in disguise. There’s already enough vagina-shame in the world; let’s not start comparing and competing with regards to clit size!)

The Obii won the Red Dot design award, and it’s easy to see why, from an aesthetic standpoint: it’s very pretty. I actually love how cute it is, and I think it would make you happy if you’re one of those people whose experience is genuinely improved when the sex toy you’re using is #AestheticGoals. It also doubles as a bedside lamp when placed on its cradle to charge; it casts a dim, warm glow that would be ideal for sexytimes (although, you know, the light would go off whenever you grabbed the Obii to use it). The silicone used all over the toy is wonderfully soft and silky in my hand, though it’s also one of the foremost lint magnets in my entire sex toy collection.

The silkiness of the silicone also poses problems during use. I can’t maintain a solid grip on the toy for long unless I squeeze it past the point of comfort (which, as someone with chronic pain in my hands and elsewhere, I’m especially disinclined to do). The ridges on the side of the toy seem like they could help with grippiness, but in practice they don’t actually help much. This also points to one of the problems with making a “design-y” sex toy: just because a shape looks pretty doesn’t mean it’ll feel good in someone’s hand or against someone’s body. While testing the Obii I often found myself reminiscing fondly on more ergonomically-shaped pressure wave toys like the Satisfyer Penguin.

All of that said, though… I can’t deny that I like pressure wave stimulation, in a “forced orgasm” kind of way, because it’s more intense and more direct than the stimulation I typically pursue – and I also can’t deny that the Biird Obii is pretty damn good at that type of stimulation. At one point while I was testing it, I watched a video on YouPorn of a domme holding a wand vibe against a penis pump in which her sub’s cock was trapped, and it occurred to me that the stimulation of pressure wave toys is similar to what I imagine that would feel like: mild and muffled vibration paired with insistent suction. It’s a very effective combo on my clit and on the clits of many other people. The Biird Obii may not be the perfect manifestation of this type of toy, but it’s cute as hell, smooth and soft, and surprisingly satisfying – so I say, as long as your clit is on the small-to-average side, have at it.

 

Thanks to Biird for sending me the Obii to try! This review was sponsored, which means that I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Tracy’s Dog Pecker

Kate Sloan

I’m back with another Tracy’s Dog review! And I’ve learned slightly more about this company since reviewing another toy of theirs last week! Namely: that the company is titled the way it is, as per TD’s marketing team, “because we are loyal and loving to our customers and we always get our customers’ backs no matter what. Always be there for them if they need anything. Also, we bring joy and pleasure to people!”

I guess I’d rather refer to my favorite vibes as “woman’s best friend” than as a “battery-operated boyfriend” as some companies insist upon doing. I do sometimes have to do a double-take when I read phrases like “Tracy’s Dog clitoral sucker,” to make sure I haven’t accidentally stumbled onto bestiality porn (yikes), but, you know, there are sex toy company names out there that I dislike more. (“Womanizer” and “I Rub My Duckie” come to mind!)

The toy I’m reviewing today is the Pecker, a new G-spot stimulator from Tracy’s Dog – so called, presumably, because it attacks your pleasure zones like a woodpecker. It’s both a vibrator and a pulsator. The vibration is plenty good enough for me – decently strong and rumbly for a $37 toy, 3 steady speeds followed by 7 patterns – but the real point of interest on this thing is the pulsation. There’s a circular panel in the tip of the toy which, much like the “Pulse Plate” on the Hot Octopuss Queen Bee, trembles visibly like the “come hither” motion of a particularly dexterous partner’s fingers. And when I first saw it do this, my G-spot started trembling too.

See, the reasons I didn’t like the pulsation of the Queen Bee were that 1) the “Pulse Plate” was too large and broad to hit a targeted spot like the clit with any precision or intensity, and 2) my clit doesn’t really like this type of pulsing, so it would seem. But my G-spot is a different beast, plus the pulsating part of the Pecker is small enough that it can actually focus on a particular spot instead of mostly pummeling the surrounding area. This feels like Tracy’s Dog employed the right technology for the right erogenous zone. Always a delight when sex toy companies manage to do that!

Image via Tracy’s Dog.

So what does the pulsation actually feel like? I have to admit that when I first inserted the toy and held down the pulsation button to turn it on, I nearly fell out of bed from the sudden intensity of it. I’d already spent several minutes watching porn and stimulating myself externally so I’d be warmed up for testing, since I know my G-spot requires a lot of foreplay, but the Pecker was still too intense for me right off the bat, even on the lowest setting. However, it was the kind of over-intensity that’s borderline-pleasurable and that can feel more enjoyable if you lean into it and accept that the slight discomfort is part of the complexity of the sensation. For me, intense G-spot stimulation is almost always accompanied by some degree of that “need to pee” feeling, a stingy edge of discomfort. It usually blossoms into pleasure when I give it time to do so, and though the Pecker was initially very jarring to my spot, it did eventually start to feel good as I continued turning myself on.

It’s interesting to compare the toy’s vibration functions and its pulsation, which you can activate either separately or together – to which I say, hallelujah, I love this function. Tracy’s Dog points out that since there are 10 vibration settings and 5 pulsation settings, there are 50 different combinations you can create thereof – and while not all of them feel noticeably different from one another, my G-spot craves the sensation of motion enough that even a small change can help ramp me up to a higher arousal level. The pulsation feels sharper, like an exacting partner pressing their fingers hard and fast into your G-spot, while the vibration feels more massage-like and stimulates the whole vagina rather than just that one spot. They both have their place, and I switch back and forth between the two a lot during use, but activating them both at the same time is usually far too much sensation for me. That said, if you’re one of those “No amount of G-spot stimulation is enough!!” people, you’d likely enjoy the onslaught of feeling that this toy provides.

As with the last Tracy’s Dog toy I reviewed, I found that this one has patterns that don’t entirely work for my body. Of the 5 pulsation settings, my favorites are the straight-‘n’-steady 5th one (why did they put the most basic one last?) and the steadily pulsing 2nd one. The others are comparatively erratic – a slow and steady up-and-down, a rumbling escalation ending in 3 strong bursts, and 3 medium taps followed by one longer and stronger buzz. While I’m sure some people would enjoy them for their teasing qualities, for me they’re too intense and all-over-the-place and usually just end up making both me and my G-spot feel jumpy and on edge.

However, the combination of the steady pulsation mode with a vibration pattern? Blissful. Sometimes I’m using the vibration function for a while, and then I get close to orgasm but don’t necessarily want to change the vibration pattern, lest I ruin my own orgasm. Turning on the pulsator at this point is often enough to push me over the edge – though, just as often, it becomes overwhelming and I have to backpedal a bit. (My G-spot is a fickle bitch, it’s true.)

I’m usually thrusting when I use this toy, which significantly improves how it feels for me. Hyperfocusing on just one area of my G-spot is a good way to overstimulate me in short order; I appreciate being able to move the toy in and out to stimulate both the shallower and deeper parts of my G-spot. Thankfully and thoughtfully, the toy has a looped handle which makes thrusting a whole lot easier than it otherwise would be, both for me and for any partners who might fuck me with this toy in the future. I also appreciate that the Pecker is on the longer side for a G-spot toy (about 8″ total or 6″ insertable), so I can massage all areas of my G-spot even as it swells from arousal. Tracy’s Dog made this toy long-ish because they wanted it to also be able to hit the A-spot or the prostate; however, for me, the tip isn’t quite narrow enough to slide up into my A-spot, and I would hesitate to use this toy anally because the base isn’t flared enough and the pulsating plate seems difficult to clean as effectively as anal bacteria requires. To me this is 100% a G-spot toy and it serves that function very well.

I wish the Pecker’s pulsator had some lower/less intense settings instead of starting at “WHAT THE FUCK” levels, but truth be told, I’d rather a toy be too strong than too weak. And it’s not even that this vibe is too strong (as my clit can attest from when I’ve held the Pecker on it, where it just registers as a middling vibrator) – it’s that it’s simultaneously strong and very focused on my G-spot. I can always dial back the sensation by angling the toy so it presses less directly against my spot until I’m ready for it; when a G-spot vibrator is too weak, there’s not much you can do to fix the situation.

I’m quite surprised by how much I like the Tracy’s Dog Pecker, especially since its name contains the phrase “dog pecker.” It just does what I want a G-spot toy to do. Whether I turn on the vibrations, the pulsation, both at the same time, or even neither, it gives me more than enough G-spot stimulation (with a little added thrusting) to create profound and surprising blended orgasms while I’m using another vibe on my clit. I could also see this toy mixing well with oral sex, since the looped handle would make it easy for a partner to hold and thrust while going down on me. If you like a LOT of G-spot stimulation, I think you’ll dig this one – so long as you can get over the name.

 

Thanks to Tracy’s Dog for providing this toy for me to review! This post was sponsored, meaning that I was paid by Tracy’s Dog to write a fair and honest review of their toy. As always, all words and opinions are my own.

Review: Tracy’s Dog Craybit

Kate Sloan

My relationship with the sex toy company Tracy’s Dog didn’t exactly start off on the right foot. Er, the right paw.

They’ve sent me a bunch of pitch emails over the years, often containing weird glaring missteps, like accidentally addressing me as Emmeline (she was my roommate at the Woodhull conference once, but we’re not the same person!) and – in the most recent case – kiiinda plagiarizing my own writing back at me.

I got an email from Tracy’s Dog a while ago about their new rabbit vibe, the Craybit (so called because its strange tagline is “Let’s get crazy a little bit”). This toy’s claim to fame is that it has three motors: one to target the clit, one to target the G-spot, and one to target one of my very favorite erogenous zones, the A-spot. “You might be familiar with the G-Spot stimulation from toys and fingering, but have you ever experienced A-Spot orgasm?” their email asked. (Uh, yes, I have been known to.) “The feeling of hitting A-Spot is totally different from G-Spot [sic]. It is a more intense, molten-hot, addictive sensation that melts your soul and your body!”

That phrasing gave me déja vu, so I googled it, and… the only instance online of the phrase “molten-hot, addictive” is in an article I wrote for Glamour about the A-spot. Guess this company liked the piece. 😂

While this is aggravating, it also made me reflect on how this points to the little-known-ness of the A-spot. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen someone crib language from my own writing on this topic when extolling the virtues of the A-spot – especially since, aside from a few other sex writers I know such as Zoe Ligon and Cy of Super Smash Cache (both of whom are excellent), not many people go into detail about this spot on a regular basis.

The only reason I can think of for this linguistic borrowing is that the companies’ copywriters haven’t experienced A-spot pleasure themselves. If they had, they would be able to write about it in their own words. And while part of that is due to the simple fact that not everyone likes A-spot stim (just as not everyone likes G-spot or prostate stim), another part of it is due to how seldom the A-spot is discussed and explained compared to erogenous zones whose names show up more often on Cosmopolitan and Men’s Health covers.

All this to say, it’s always a thrill for me to see new toys being developed and released that specifically mention the A-spot in their marketing copy (ideally in the companies’ own words). It means that not only is the desire for A-spot stimulation being affirmed – it’s being actively catered to. Hooray!

The Craybit rabbit comes in an elegant black cardboard gift box with the company logo lettered on it in silver script. Inside is a charging cable for this USB-rechargeable toy, and an instruction booklet which details the vibe’s 15 (!) modes. These are pretty unique as far as vibrator patterns go, because the Craybit is juggling three motors at once. Some of the modes are more basic – all three motors on a steady speed, or all three thumping in synchrony – but some are more complex: the clit vibe can thrum in hills and valleys while the internal motors pulse erratically, for example, or each motor can throb in turn, like they’re singing in a round together.

Unfortunately none of these patterns do what I really want this type of vibe to be able to do: vibrate steadily on my clit while the internal motors pound rhythmically. My erogenous zones each crave a different type of stimulation, and I know I’m not alone in that. What my A-spot and G-spot want is always gonna be different from what my clit wants, and these patterns get it frustratingly almost-right. The closest to my ideal is the 8th one, which alternates between a low and high speed on the clit, stays steadily low on the G-spot, and pulses for a few beats on the A-spot before vibrating normally for a few more beats and then starting over at the beginning. As such, this vibe works better for me as a foreplay tease than as a “finisher.”

The motors are pretty decent – or possibly they just feel like they are because there are three of them. (Kinda like how three mediocre actors reciting the same Shakespeare monologue in unison would impress me more than just one of them stumbling through it.) I can’t actually isolate them to test them each on their own because all 15 of the toy’s modes utilize all three motors at once. This is ultimately the toy’s main flaw – that you can’t control the motors individually. I realize it would be a lot of buttons to have to cram onto the handle of a vibrator, but I really wish it were an option, even just via a Bluetooth app on your phone (and I am not normally one to say vibrator apps are good!). The perennial problem with rabbit vibrators is that everyone’s body is different so it’s hard for a dual-stimulation toy to get the stimulation right in both its motors for any particular person, and that problem is, of course, compounded once you introduce a third motor.

That said, my G-spot and A-spot appreciate the strong rumbliness of the Craybit’s internal motors. I just wish the clit motor was less buzzy (as far as I can tell, it’s the buzziest of the three), and that there were some lower speed settings. Even the lowest steady pattern feels overwhelming if I’m not warmed up – in much the same way as those three bad Shakespearian actors would be overwhelming if you were only expecting one or two to show up.

The clit stimulator is one of those classic two-pronged “bunny ears” situations. I actually like this one better than most others of its type, because the ears are made of solid, substantial silicone so they don’t flap around as much as these usually do, and it’s easier to get them to stay put on my clit. However, I know that’ll make it less appealing for people who find the flapping-around pleasurable.

The relative solidness of the bunny ears also introduces some problems, mainly that when I do need to adjust their positioning, I often end up accidentally slingshotting them onto my clit in a way that feels like a tiny slap. Not ideal… unless you’re into that.

The handle of the toy buzzes annoyingly when it’s on, but honestly I can’t really fault the designers for that – it’s a lot of vibration in one product, so I can see how it would be hard to keep the toy’s handle issues, uh, handled. Fortunately the toy is shaped such that it stays anchored in place pretty well in my vagina, snug against my G-spot and A-spot, so I can use it hands-free if I want to. The shape also makes it so that the most natural-feeling way to thrust this toy (if indeed you choose to thrust with it) is to use short, deep motions, which are exactly what my A-spot likes anyway. It’s a very thoughtful design.

There are a lot of weird things about Tracy’s Dog’s overall branding and marketing that I need to address. First of all, does anyone else immediately start singing “Tracy’s Dog has got it going on“ upon reading this company’s name? Secondly, did they really need to evoke a dog in the name of their, um, SEX TOY company? Thirdly, why do they have a YouTube channel where a hot tattooed man dressed like a cowboy answers frequently asked questions about the toy while shirtless, drinking whiskey, lighting a cigarette, playing a guitar, playing the chimes, staring pensively into a mirror, and giving problematic misinformation about the hymen while playing pool? …Okay, I have to admit I like the tattooed cowboy. But he raises even more questions for me than he answers. Is he supposed to be Tracy?! Is the dog in this video therefore the eponymous Tracy’s dog? Why is he always hanging out in what appears to be the world’s coolest saloon/motorcycle garage/house? Is he an actor who the company hired to perform in these videos? If so, where can I see the rest of his filmography in its entirety? Enquiring minds need to know.

I also noticed in my research for this review that some of the Craybit’s marketing copy says it’ll give you “an orgasm so intense that it straightens your legs out like a fainting goat,” which is how I ended up reading the whole Wikipedia article on fainting goats while absent-mindedly thrusting the toy in and out of me during a testing session. (Thanks to my friend Sarah, who loves goats, for enlightening me on this topic.) I don’t think I developed an odd fetish as a result of this episode, but who the hell knows. I also noticed that the same page contains a graphic that again uses my “molten-hot, addictive” turn of phrase. Guess it’s hard for an old dog to learn new tricks.

Overall, I like this vibe, and I love that it exists – yay, A-spot rep! – but I can’t say I’ll be reaching for it a lot. The Tracy’s Dog Craybit is an overwhelming vibrator that assails three of my major erogenous zones with strong simultaneous vibration. It does that very well, but that’s not really what I want out of a sex toy – I want to be able to control the sensations each spot feels at any given time, and that includes being able to start on a low speed. However, I can recommend this toy for you if you want a vibrator that will rock your entire internal clitoris with powerful patterns and va-va-voom vibrations – in other words, a vibrator that’ll make you feel, I guess, like a fainting goat.

 

This post was sponsored, which means that Tracy’s Dog paid me to write an honest and fair review of their product. As always, all writing and opinions are entirely my own.

Review: Drywell Lolita G-Spot Vibrator

Kate Sloan

I must admit, I was pretty amused when I saw there was a sex toy company called Drywell. “What are these,” I wondered, “vibrators for Ben Shapiro?!”

The company wanted me to review one of their toys and let me take my pick, so I selected a silicone rechargeable G-spot vibrator known as the Lolita. I liked its vaguely shell-like, feminine aesthetic, and figured a penetrative vibe is usually a safe bet when choosing a toy I’m not sure I’ll enjoy, because if one of my erogenous zones doesn’t like it then another one might instead.

Well, I was in for a surprise – because I actually do like this vibe. Like, way more than I was expecting. Well-played, Drywell!

The main thing that sets the Lolita apart from other G-spot vibrators of its ilk is that it’s bendable, like the We-Vibe Nova 2 which I also reviewed recently. While I doubt this will become a standard feature of penetrative toys any time soon, I love that I’m seeing it pop up more and more, because a customizable toy is just… a better toy (other factors notwithstanding). We don’t all want the same kinds of stimulation, and the bendability of this vibrator means I’m just as likely to enjoy it, with my sensitive princess of a G-spot, as someone who likes theirs pressed hard and pounded. The Lolita can have almost no curve at all, or it can be curled up into a fairly tight C-shape, or anywhere in between, as per your preference – incredible. There is some scrunching of the silicone casing that happens when you bend it past about 90°, though, which I’d imagine could cause some wear and tear after prolonged use in that position. Conveniently, bending the vibe also helps it anchor in place better when it’s inserted, so I can even use this toy hands-free when I don’t feel like thrusting it.

Let’s talk about the vibrations. This vibe only has one intensity level, which I was prepared to yell and scream about in my review once I learned about it. But here’s the thing… On top of its one steady speed, the Lolita also has 5 patterns, and they make all the difference. I can’t even pick a favorite, and for once it’s not because I hate all of the patterns equally. “Foreplay Mode” is short, fast pulses of vibration; “Touch Mode” is longer pulses that feel slightly like the rhythmic strokes of a partner’s fingers against my G-spot; “Joyful Mode” is also short, fast pulses but more staccato and thus more impactful and stimulating; “Passionate Mode” is short pulses that vary slightly in intensity over time to create a feeling of peaks and valleys; and finally, there’s “Orgasm Mode,” the least aptly-named pattern of the bunch, which starts low and builds up erratically to a high speed over about 2-3 seconds before going back to low.

Most sex toy designers don’t seem to understand what vibration patterns are for. While I’m sure there are people who enjoy patterns with lots of pauses in between their buzzes, or patterns peppered with randomness to keep users on their toes, for the most part I think what vibration patterns do best is create the illusion of movement. This is especially true for G-spot vibrators, since that internal zone has different types of nerves than, say, a clitoris, and thus (in my experience) can more easily interpret the bzz-bzz-bzz of a vibration pattern as feeling more like the tap-tap-tap of a finger or even a thrusting cock as it slides on by. These Drywell patterns seem designed with that in mind, particularly since they lack significant pauses between any of the buzzes, so there’s constant stimulation of some kind no matter what mode you’re on. These are the type of patterns that make me, a pattern-hater, into a pattern-tolerator or even a pattern-adorer.

These patterns (jeez, how many times am I gonna say that word in this review?!) also drastically improve what would otherwise be the toy’s biggest problem: its motor. The Lolita’s vibrations are strong – an important quality in a toy designed to stimulate a structure buried in the vaginal wall, i.e. the G-spot – but they lean fairly buzzy. In fact, if I’m holding the vibe while using it clitorally, often my hand will start to feel numb and itchy within a matter of seconds. But this hand-numbing effect is mitigated significantly once the toy is inside me, where it’s designed to go – and so is the annoyance of the vibrations on my erogenous zones. Any time my G-spot starts to feel a bit desensitized from all the buzzing, I can just switch to a different pattern and it’ll feel good again. Even when the surface skin of my vagina gets pretty overstimulated, the deeper tissue can still register the tapping, thumping, and pulsing of the patterns – in fact, it almost feels more like fingerfucking or thrusting when I get to this stage, even if the vibe remains stationary. It’s really wonderful and unique.

Image via Drywell

Speaking of thrusting, you can definitely do that with this toy. It’s actually designed really thoughtfully with that usage in mind, so it would seem. Once you’ve adjusted the shaft to your ideal angle – which, by the way, might change as your G-spot gets more turned on – you can grab the handle, which has handy silicone grips on either side for this purpose, and press against the hard plastic panel on the back of it to give you leverage while you thrust. As someone who struggles to move toys in and out on bad pain days (especially toys made of silicone, one of the draggiest materials even with lube), I appreciate these little touches a lot.

That good design also extends to the toy’s control panel. It has two buttons: one turns the toy on, and the other cycles through the patterns. But crucially, the power button also functions as a “back to the previous pattern” button when the toy is in use, which is fucking fantastic. It is annoying as hell to have to scroll through every single pattern to get back to the one you liked, especially in the throes of arousal, so I really appreciate being able to navigate between the settings easily and quickly.

My G-spot has to be very warmed up to enjoy this toy, but once it’s in the mood for intense stimulation, boy, can the Lolita deliver. The combo of vibration patterns + thrusting + the subtle dragging/scraping of the toy’s ridged head against my vaginal wall is kinda divine. One downside of how intense the Lolita is: I can’t pair it with clitoral vibrators that are at all subtle, like the Eroscillator, because their sensations will just get drowned out by the high-octane buzzing and throbbing going on in my vag. Something with a lot of power and a bit of buzz, like the Magic Wand, makes a much better companion for the Lolita.

Lest you think I like everything about this toy, here’s the paragraph my journalism-school professors would call “the fly in the ointment”… First off, the Lolita is loud, though the noise level dies down significantly when it’s in my vag. Secondly, the buttons of mine light up in erratic, seemingly patternless flashes when the toy is on, which doesn’t bug me all that much but could be distracting or even epilepsy-triggering for some folks. Thirdly, the ridges all up and down the toy’s insertable portion are hell to clean, and require some kind of scrub brush. And finally, I have to imagine this toy isn’t terribly high-quality due to the price (a shockingly low $22 USD or $36 CAD), so I wouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t last me very long; that said, it does feel much more durable in my hands than a lot of other vibes I’ve tested in this price range.

I wouldn’t recommend this vibe for prostate play, even though it would likely feel awesome on a prostate, because the base is not at all flared so it wouldn’t be safe to insert anally. Drywell doesn’t really make anything anal-safe, although they do have this self-lubricating massage wand (???) that is marked “for male” and that is therefore probably designed to do something to dicks and/or butts. I dunno, your guess is as good as mine.

All in all, I continue to be surprised by how much I like this vibrator. I’m not the biggest fan of G-spot vibration in general, but when I’m craving it occasionally, I’d much rather reach for the Drywell Lolita than the Lelo Mona or even the We-Vibe Rave because of the bendability, stellar patterns, and ease of use. (Sorry, We-Vibe, but I don’t always want to smear lube on my phone screen trying to change my vibe’s settings mid-wank.) It’s also way cheaper than those other toys, which can sell for $100+ each. When I need to stuff my vagina with vibrations to get enough over-the-top G-spot stimulation for a killer blended orgasm, the Lolita’s my gal.

Y’all, I can’t believe a toy made by a company called Drywell made me squirt. What a world we live in.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning that Drywell (whose products you can buy in various places online) paid me to write a fair and honest review of their product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own. Yes, I really do actually like this vibe!

Phone Sex Every Day? Sure, Why Not

Kate Sloan

One of the weirdest things about being a sex writer is the cognitive dissonance between the sexual person your readers think you are and the sexual person you actually are.

It’s important to keep in mind, always, as you’re scrolling through your social media feeds and your RSS reader (if you still use one of those antiquated things like I do), that comparing yourself to people you see on the internet is comparing your insides to somebody else’s outsides. You’re never getting the full picture, even if you think you are.

And that’s not as bad a thing as some people would have you believe, either. “Authenticity” and “transparency” are only useful up to a point; y’all don’t need to know about the chin hairs I pluck or the ins and outs of my fibre intake. I mean, maybe some of you want to know that stuff (I know plenty of my readers have unusual fetishes!) but I am by no means obligated to share it all with you. The people who make me the most uncomfortable in this business are the people who insist that my openness and honesty in certain areas mean I’m required to be open and honest in every area. Nope. Fuck that. Fuck that forever.

All this to say: I’m probably not as horny or as sexually adventurous a person as you might imagine. In fact, if not for phone sex, I think these days I’d only jerk off 2-3 times a week, tops, if left to my own (vibrating) devices.

That caveat – “if not for phone sex” – is what I want to talk about today. As you might know, I keep a sex spreadsheet, so I have stats on my IRL sex life for the past several years and my phone-sex sex life for the past year and a half. My partner Matt – who is delightfully chill about the whole “recording detailed data on our intimate encounters” thing – recently pointed out to me, as we were totalling up our sex numbers from the 4 months they spent quarantined with me, that despite having phone sex nearly every night when we’re apart, we didn’t have sex every single night we were physically together. We had sex 84 times in the 121 days they were here – so, about 69% of those nights (nice). I had noticed that too, and had been pondering the possible reasons.

When we discussed it, we came to 2 overall conclusions about why we’re more prolifically horny over the phone than IRL:

  1. Sometimes the “point” of sex (or one of them, anyway) is to establish intimacy and connection. When we’re together IRL (especially when quarantining), we’re already getting a lot of that throughout the day – not to mention throughout the night, when we cuddle and touch and kiss and can smell each other and feel each other’s warmth all night. Sex isn’t less appealing, necessarily, but it doesn’t feel like as urgent a need when part of its “purpose” is getting fulfilled elsewhere.
  2. In-person sex takes more energy. Phone sex is comparatively chill.

That second one is really the crucial one for me, I think. As a person with depression and chronic pain + fatigue, sometimes I just don’t have the energy for sex, despite knowing it would almost certainly improve my mood and my pain status. It’s not only the physical motion involved – which can be reduced or almost entirely eliminated when I’m fucking a capable and enthusiastic top, like Matt – but also the mental energy involved. No matter how comfortable I am with a partner, it still saps some of my energy to constantly wonder if my sex faces look weird, or if my body is actually as attractive as my partner claims it is, or if my roommate can hear the impacts when I’m getting spanked.

It’s a lot like how Zoom video calls can be utterly draining for me (I’m sure many of you can relate) while audio-only calls are comparatively blissful. I just don’t have enough brain-spoons to simultaneously manage not only the conversation we’re having but also how I look while we’re having it. Let’s turn our video off so I can forget, briefly, just how ugly I secretly worry I am.

Phone sex with Matt is so good that I’ve pondered many times whether we can continue having it when we’re eventually living together. And fortunately, they’re the type of inventive, considerate, GGG partner that I honestly feel like we might. I can imagine us residing together in a tiny one-bedroom New York apartment and me saying at the end of a long day, “Hey, I’m super worn out. Can I go to the other room so we can have phone sex?” I’d bring some sex toys with me and slip back seamlessly into that pleasantly agitated headspace I so often inhabited when we had just started dating and our romantic nighttime phone sex sessions were the fuel that propelled me through my difficult, depressed days.

I’ve had a wide range of opinions on long-distance relationships over the course of my life, but I never really thought I would prefer them, or at least prefer elements of them. Maybe it’s a bad sign about my relationship with my body that non-corporeal forms of sex seem to appeal to me more, and rev my sexual engine more consistently, than types involving my actual fucking body – but honestly, the world is a mess right now. “Whatever works.” That’s the phrase I keep saying to friends on the phone and via text when they tell me about some supposedly “weird” coping mechanism or distracting hobby they’ve picked up since the coronavirus swept the world. “Whatever works.” Whatever makes you feel happier and more at ease and more functional is worth at least considering.

I’m so blessed to have a partner who understands and accepts all of my limitations, and not only knows how to work within them but also actively gets excited about finding new ways to work within them. I am so lucky to be in love with someone so good, so kind, so accommodating. And I am so lucky to have access to a type of sex that bridges gaps, raises my self-image, requires very little energy on my part, and makes me feel like a scintillating stunner even when I’m lying in bed with day-old pajamas on and a cavalcade of unsexy pillows cradling my aching body.

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.