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5 Ways Hollow Strap-Ons Can Transform Your Sex Life

Kate Sloan

When the subject of my past in sex toy retail comes up in conversation, one question I’m often asked is, “What products did you sell the most of?”

Beginner vibrators, anal douches, and We-Vibes all rank highly on that list – but so does, surprisingly, the humble hollow strap-on. Customers – usually older-looking married men – would wander into the store seeking something to supplement their sex life, and sometimes their line of inquiry would lead them straight to the strap-on section. It gave me great satisfaction to see happy folks leaving the store with new treats to excite their partners and themselves.

Here are 5 ways this underrated and oft-misunderstood product can give your sex life a boost…

Erectile dysfunction. Whether you’ve tried E.D. meds and found that they don’t work (or just don’t work as well or as reliably as you’d hoped), or you’ve never tried them and don’t want to, a hollow strap on can stand in for your god-given dick if you and/or your partner are missing the joys of penetration in the wake of erectile difficulties. This is, by far, the most common reason my customers ended up going home with a hollow strap-on, and I think it’s a great solution! (Remember: soft or semi-soft dicks can still be pleasured in lots of non-penetrative ways, before or after your strap-on sesh. Erection, ejaculation, and orgasm are 3 separate phenomena that don’t all need to be present every time.)

Premature ejaculation. If you can’t last long enough to give your partner the poundin’ they (or you!) desire, slip your dick into a hollow strap-on – either before or after your own orgasm – and you’ll be able to fuck your sweetheart for as long as your muscles hold out. This is also great if your partner (like me) loves coming during penetrative sex but takes a while to get there.

Gender affirmation. We hear a lot about people with vaginas (e.g. pre-op/non-op trans men or assigned-female non-binary folks) using strap-ons as a way to access gender euphoria, but there’s less discourse about people with penises doing the same. Why, you might be wondering, would someone with a flesh-and-blood dick feel good and gender-affirmed when they strap a silicone one on over top? Well, some trans and non-binary folks find it distressing or even triggering to use their genitals in the “traditional” ways prescribed by hetero- and cis-normative culture. Using a strap-on can help some people express and experience their gender more pleasurably during sex, and that’s a wonderful thing.

Chastity kink. This is my #1 fantasy involving hollow strap-ons: a submissive partner isn’t permitted their own pleasure until they fully please their dominant, and so they slide their dick into a strap-on so having it touched isn’t even an option. In this way, the strap-on can serve the dual function of a chastity belt for the sub and a dildo they can fuck their dom with. Hot!

Mindfulness. This one is a bit more abstract, so bear with me… Sometimes, when you’re having sex, it’s easy to get so distracted by your own pleasure that you forget to focus on everything else that’s going on: your partner’s pleasure, their sounds, how cute they look when they bite their lip, how good their skin feels against yours, and so on. If you temporarily take your own genital sensations out of the equation, these other lovely details immediately come into sharper focus. Does this mean strap-ons are kind of… zen?!

What are your favorite potential uses for hollow strap-ons?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

How to Look Like a Sex Doll

Kate Sloan

Being a sex doll is a recurrent fantasy for me. It’s hard to say whether I would actually like it – I haven’t tried pretending to be a doll in a scene yet – but it definitely holds some appeal. Being blank-brained and helpless while someone (consensually) handles and uses my body for their pleasure? Yes please.

That said, it’s possible a large part of my excitement about this fantasy really centers on the beauty and fashion aspects of it. What can I say; I’m a femme! I pored over the beautiful babes on Joy Love Dolls to figure out the best ways to make yourself look like a sex doll, if that’s something you want to do for kink reasons or just for fun, and here’s what I came up with…

Preparation

While obviously it’s not required for fulfilling this fantasy, because you and your partner can both suspend your disbelief a little, it could be fun to shave or wax large swathes of your body to play the role of a sex doll. They’re almost always hairless from the neck down, after all. Afterward, exfoliate the hell out of everything, with a body scrub or a dry brush, and then moisturize. That way your skin will be as smooth and uniform as it can be.

The skin on your face could use some love, too. A scrubby clay mask (like the rose clay mask from Origins) would be my go-to if I was prepping for a dollification scene, because it’ll gently exfoliate your skin while pulling some of the gunk out of your pores, leaving a smoother surface that’ll look slightly more like TPE or whatever sex dolls are made of. Don’t forget to moisturize!

Makeup

When sex doll designers aren’t opting for the youthful “natural look” (which, let’s face it, is boring for the purposes of this article), they tend to give their dolls lots and lots of eyeliner. You can smudge it for a sexy, rock-star vibe, or keep it precise if you prefer. It’s usually black or dark brown and goes all the way around the eye, sometimes with a winged flick at the outer corner. This serves to emphasize the eyes, one of a sex doll’s most prominent facial features. If you want to make your eyes look extra big and wide, you could run a white or pale skin-colored eyeliner pencil over your waterline (though I, admittedly, am too squeamish to do this because it feels like sticking an eyeliner pencil directly into my eye). Lots of mascara is also crucial.

As for the mouth: sex dolls usually have big, full, pouting lips. You can use mildly lip-irritating plumpers like Lip Venom to achieve this effect, or you can fake it by blending a lighter-colored lipstick onto the center of your lips on top of whatever other lipstick you’re using. This creates the illusion of fuller lips and is famously a trick that Marilyn Monroe’s makeup artist used on her (and if she isn’t an aspirational icon for sex dolls everywhere, then who is?!). Many sex dolls wear a lipstick shade that’s fairly natural and low-key, but you could also go with a bright pink or purple if you want to be bolder. In any case, a shiny gloss on top is a must.

The rest of your face is less important than those two major features, but you can still increase your “dollishness” quotient by doing a full face of foundation and concealer to even out your skin tone so it looks vaguely plasticky. Make sure to set these products with powder – sex dolls’ skin is almost always matte. Some subtle, well-blended blush on the apples of your cheeks completes the look.

A note for all the makeup you choose: assuming you’re not pursuing a smudgy look for kink reasons (some people love to see mascara streaks on a teary-eyed submissive’s cheeks, for example), you should choose products that are waterproof and rated well for longevity. (Look at reviews on the Sephora website or MakeupAlley for this.) Dolls’ makeup is firmly painted on and unlikely to flake or smear, so yours should be, too!

Hair

If you only need to look like a sex doll (say, for photos) and don’t plan on being touched/fucked/manhandled like one, a wig is the obvious route to take. Long blonde hair is a popular choice, but there are a million wig options out there waiting to be explored.

If, however, you plan on being “used” when you’re a doll, a wig probably won’t cut it, because your “user” might want to pull your hair. Wear your real hair down, or in pigtails if it’s long enough; those are the two easiest styles to pull on. (Securing the pigtails with cute, colorful hair ties is a nice touch, particularly if you’re going for a youthful look.)

Clothes

It goes without saying that most sex dolls are probably mostly naked most of the time. That’s fine if your dollification scene will be limited to your bedroom, but if you plan on going out first (or even starting the scene with some kind of seduction/warm-up), you’ll probably want to be wearing something.

Some popular choices for sex-doll clothes include shiny bikinis, tight cropped T-shirts, miniskirts, tiny shorts, matching lingerie sets, and low-cut form-fitting dresses. It’s best to wear something that another person could easily remove from your body without your cooperation, since you might want to remain perfectly still as part of the fun of a dollification scene. So, tight jeans and restrictive dresses are probably a no-go, unless your partner wants a challenge!

Most sex dolls are remarkably busty. If you want to beef up your boobs (so to speak), you could wear a padded bra under whatever else you’re wearing. By the same token, some shapewear can help give you the hourglassy shape sex dolls are known for, but it can be hard to remove and doesn’t always look sexy once all your other layers of clothing have come off, so keep that in mind when selecting your ensemble.

A lot of sex dolls are barefoot, but if your partner likes heels, boots, or some other specific type of footwear, you might as well give it a shot. Knee-high or thigh-high socks can also amp up a playful, girlish aesthetic if that’s what you’re going for.

Facial expression and behavior

The way you act and move when you’re in sex-doll mode really depends on what you’re hoping to get out of your scene, but generally, you’re probably gonna wanna be blank-faced and stationary. Practice letting your eyes “zone out” the way they do when you stare out the window of a moving vehicle, say, or when your mind wanders while you’re standing in line somewhere. (Not to be too much of a hypnokink evangelical, but staring at a gif of a spiral can help you unfocus your eyes in the sexy, mindless way we’re talking about.) You don’t wanna look bored, so keep your eyes open wide for the most part, but just soften your gaze a little.

As for the rest of your body, traditionally sex dolls are rigid and posable. Your partner doesn’t have to manipulate your whole body weight every time they want to move you around – you can agree beforehand that you’ll help them out when they move you, so long as it doesn’t ruin the illusion for either of you.

 

How would you attire yourself if you planned on doing a dollification scene? Or, alternatively: if you were going to fuck someone who was pretending to be a sex doll, what would you want them to look like?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Great Reasons to Hire an Escort

Kate Sloan

I’ve learned a ton from my friends who are Toronto escorts about the power and magic of sex work. Contrary to shitty popular opinions about it being a seedy profession for the desperate and destitute, it’s often empowering and uplifting for both service providers and their clientele. (This, by the way, is part of why it’s so important we fight back against SESTA/FOSTA in any way we can.)

Aside from a session of basic (yet likely mind-blowing) sexual satisfaction, there are lots of reasons it might behoove you to hire an escort. Here are a few of them…

You want group sex, without the drama. When couples write to me inquiring about how to find a “unicorn” (a third person, usually a bisexual woman, to have a threesome with), I usually recommend they save up and hire a sex worker. It’s better to pay someone to play exactly the role you want them to, than to try to slot someone into a pre-decided role they haven’t totally signed up for. Plus, particularly in first-time forays into non-monogamy, group sex can incite lots of feelings, like jealousy and insecurity; hiring a professional can help you keep things simple.

You want to try a new kink, without judgment. It can be scary to raise nascent sexual interests with a romantic partner, or even a FWB; you might worry they’ll think differently of you once they find out what you’re into. Even if your newfound curiosity focuses on something relatively culturally accepted, like spanking or facesitting, you might still feel shy bringing it up. That’s totally okay, and it’s one area where sex workers can be a huge help: making fantasies come true is literally their job, and it’s practically guaranteed they’ve heard weirder requests than the one you’ve got up your sleeve. (You should, however, let SWs know beforehand about the fantasy you’re hoping to have fulfilled, so they know what they’re getting into and have a chance to decline if they want to.)

You want to lose your virginity, shame-free. I remember when I was a meek 18-year-old who’d never gotten intimate with a penis before; it seemed to me like the scariest thing in the world, and yet I wanted to give it a shot. I fantasized often about hiring a cis male sex worker to guide me through my first “straight” experience. An escort, I figured, would be professional and non-judgmental, and would happily teach me some dick tricks if that’s what I wanted. Similarly, if you’ve never had sex and it’s starting to get you down, I would really recommend hiring a sex worker. They won’t be able to teach you everything in just one session, but the experience could give you a boost of confidence you can take forward into your future sex life.

You’re too tired or busy for the dating game. Some people talk about sexual satisfaction as if it were a basic human right. I’m not sure I agree, but the fact remains that many of us crave sex even when our lives and minds are too chaotic for us to pursue it in societally-sanctioned ways, like dating apps. (When I’m depressed, I’d honestly rather watch paint dry than try to make conversation with some rando from Tinder.) A sex work transaction can be the simplest solution to this problem.

You need a date to an event. Lots of escorts offer special rates to accompany you to concerts, dinners, the theatre, and so on. This could be a lovely option if you’re feeling lonely but still want a fun night out on the town – because, let’s not forget, the services sex workers provide are often just as much emotional as they are sexual. After the event wraps up, you can extend the date to end in sexytimes, if you’ve negotiated that, or not. Bringing a happy, paid professional is probably better than dragging along an unenthused partner who’d rather be at home, anyway!

What are some reasons you’ve hired (or considered hiring) an escort?

 

This post was sponsored by the lovely folks at OhMy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Fun Things You Can Do With Used Panties

Kate Sloan

There are few objects as sexually charged and culturally revered as panties. They can symbolize so many things: femininity or gender transgression, raunch or innocence, private secrets or public pageantry. With all these meanings floating around them, plus their frequent proximity to genitals, it’s no wonder why these dainty underthings are so frequently fetishized.

But they’re not just for looking at – there’s lots you can do with a pair of panties! Here are 5 fun ideas…

Use them as a gag

A balled-up pair of underwear makes a great gag: it tastes like whoever was wearing it last (even if it was the person being gagged themselves!), it muffles sounds without stopping up your breathing, and it carries a whiff of the illicit. It can be fun to “punish” a submissive by pointing out to them, in this very direct way, just how wet they got their underwear – and just how obedient they’re going to be for you.

Stuff them in a vagina

Panty-stuffing is a significant subset of panty fetishism; there’s a surprising amount of porn that features it! While I would imagine that it doesn’t feel amazing for the person being stuffed, it will likely leave you with a thoroughly soaked pair of underwear – all the better for smelling and tasting, if you’re into that.

Sell them

You can buy and sell used underwear on websites like Sofia Gray, or on a direct person-to-person basis if you know any interested buyers. This endeavor is so popular that in Japan, there are supposedly vending machines that dispense used panties! I’ve sold my underwear once or twice and it’s always been a lovely experience: I got to make someone’s fantasy come true, while making a little dosh for myself. It’s a win-win!

Use them in a feminization scene

As humiliatrix Princess Kali points out in her book Enough to Make You Blush, a man in panties won’t automatically be embarrassed to be wearing them – it depends on the attitudes he holds about the garment, its place in society, and its relation (or lack thereof) to his gender identity. But certainly, putting panties on a man is one classic way to cut him down to size, in a kink scene involving feminization, humiliation, or both. If you want to tiptoe into this type of fun, try wearing super girly underwear under a more masculine outfit while you go out on the town.

Leave them as a souvenir

If you know your partner loves getting a noseful of your bits, you could leave a pair of your underwear in their bed for them to discover once you’re gone. This could be a particularly sweet gesture in a long-distance relationship – it’s something to tide your partner over until the next time they can bury their face in you. Pro tip: keep the panties in a sealed Ziploc bag when not “in use” if you want them to retain their scent for longer!

What do you like to do with used panties?

 

This post was sponsored by the folks at Sofia Gray, where you can buy and sell underwear aplenty! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Fun Things to Do With a Prostate Massager

Kate Sloan

For many years I dated people who had a prostate but had no desire to touch it or have partners touch it. There’s nothing wrong with that – it’s their butt and they can do with it as they please! – but it does make me extra appreciative that both of my current ongoing partners are very open in that regard. I’ve gotten to experiment more with prostate stimulation over the past year than I had previously done in my entire life!

With that in mind, here are 5 cool things you can do with a prostate massager, like the Lelo Hugo, if you’re so inclined…

Combine it with a blowjob. A classic. I hear that having a mouth on your dick and some vibration on your prostate can be an ecstatic sensation. If you are the person giving said BJ, remember that you don’t just have to let the vibrator do its thing while staying static; you can jostle it around, press it up into the prostate, or even move it in and out a little, depending on what your partner prefers. This can add a lot to the proceedings!

Wear it out in public. Provided your vibe is butt plug-esque in that it can stay put comfortably once it’s inside you – and provided, too, that it has a flared base, as all anal toys should – you can wear it while out and about, with the vibrations turned on or left off. This can create a sense of anticipation for some more intense play later on, once you’re in private, or it can be a delight all on its own. Remote-controlled vibrators are particularly useful for this application!

Use it externally. A well-designed prostate massager will have fairly strong, rumbly vibrations, in order to stimulate the somewhat buried prostate. So it follows that those excellent vibrations could feel good on your external bits, too. Try applying the vibe to your perineum, anal opening, or balls while your dick is being stimulated. This could make great “foreplay” for anal penetration, or if it’s just not a penetrative kind of day, you can get your rocks off without any insertion at all!

Spice up a mundane task. Wearing an anal vibrator is a pretty attention-absorbing experience, so it can be an exciting challenge to try to do something else while those vibrations are pulling your focus. Write a blog post (gulp), clean your room, do your laundry, shop for groceries… There are few pursuits that couldn’t be improved by something buzzing in your ass, if that’s a sensation you enjoy.

Play an orgasm denial game. Most people can’t come from prostate stimulation alone, but it sure can be fun to try. Set yourself the challenge of stimulating yourself only with the prostate toy inside you – no external stimulation allowed – for some pre-decided period of time. You can play with a partner or by yourself, steadily increasing the vibration strength (and the mental stimulation you’re getting from porn, erotica, or your partner) until you just can’t take it anymore.

What are your fave things to do with prostate massagers?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.