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Escorts, Strippers & Porn Stars, Oh My!: My Top 5 Favorite Fictional Sex Workers

Kate Sloan

 

Sex workers’ rights movements have come a long way in the past century, but they still have a long way to go.

There are places in the world where sex work is legal – certain kinds are allowed here in Canada, and it’s legal throughout Australia, where they even have sites like Escorts & Babes to help clients find what they’re looking for. But despite all this, we still live in a world where sex work is stigmatized and belittled.

An important step in the destigmatization of any group is good media representation. (We’ve seen that in the past couple years with Laverne Cox, for example, who is a television trailblazer for the trans community.) Lots of sex workers in movies and TV are still just reductive caricatures, but some of them are less so. Here, then, is a list of my top 5 favorite sex workers in films and television. Who are yours?

1. Vivian Ward from Pretty Woman. Setting aside the whole “rich dude rescues damsel in distress” motif of this film (ew), it’s hard not to love Julia Roberts as this plucky, goofy, lovable sex worker. She also rocks some truly wild and wonderful costumes over the course of the film. And that HAIR! Oh, that hair.

2. Irene Adler from Sherlock. Referred to fondly by Sherlock Holmes as “The Woman,” Irene Adler is a foxy dominatrix with a penchant for perfect 1940s hairstyles and impeccable red lipstick. She’s seemingly a lesbian but sorta falls in love with Sherlock, who seems to return her admiration despite probably being gay or asexual himself. I mean, who wouldn’t? She’s not only gorgeous but incredibly smart and shrewd, too. And she knows her way around a riding crop.

3. Satine from Moulin Rouge. Okay, Satine’s not exactly the most empowered character. Her entire life, as an escort and can-can dancer in a Parisian nightclub, is directed and ruled over by men, and (spoiler alert!) at the end she dies of consumption. But she’s strong-willed, seems to genuinely enjoy her work as a performer, and is damn good at it.

4. Gigolo Joe from Artificial Intelligence. Not enough people have seen this movie. It’s fantastic for so many reasons, one of which is definitely Jude Law’s performance as a cyborg designed to pleasure women. It’s a delight to watch him transform his hair color, accent, background music (which plays out of a radio in his wrist!), and entire approach to lovemaking depending on what his client-du-jour wants from him. He also proves himself to be a sweet, caring robot in non-sexual arenas, despite sex being his sole intended purpose in life.

5. John from Love Actually. I don’t know if this dude strictly counts as a sex worker, because he’s just a body double/stand-in on a porn set. But I had to include him because he’s completely adorable. Shy and nervous despite his explicit line of work, his entire plotline centers on trying to pluck up the courage to ask out his co-star, Judy, even though he’s already seen (and touched) most of her naked body. Aw, what a babe.

Do you have any favorite sex workers in fiction? I’d particularly be interested to hear from people who are, themselves, sex workers!

Heads up: this post was sponsored!

Why Casual Sex is Brilliant (& Why I Wish I Was Having Some)

Kate Sloan

Because my first sexual relationship was with a friend and not a romantic partner, I’ve been asked plenty of times, “How do you separate love from sex like that?! I could never do that!”

This question used to make me nod thoughtfully and say things like, “Yeah, I can see why it could be difficult,” and “It’s a process, that’s for sure!”

Now, though, I just kinda… laugh. Because love and sex are soooo separate in my mind these days. Ever since my break-up last August, I feel an occasional pang of desire for emotional intimacy, cuddling, romantic dates, and declarations of adoration – but what I crave ceaselessly is sex. With or without love. Whatever. I just want it.

I have yet to have casual sex – my past dalliances with a friend-with-benefits were hardly “casual,” partly because we hung out all the damn time and partly because she was in love with me – but the idea of it glitters in my mind as the solution to countless sexual dilemmas. Here are some reasons why casual sex is a fucking terrific advent…

It’s fast. Truthfully, one of the reasons I ended my last relationship (aside from, y’know, just not feelin’ it anymore) was that I didn’t have the time or energy to invest in a romantic partner like I used to. Having a beau is a massive time commitment: dates, meandering conversations, ongoing negotiations, reassurances when needed, and so on. That stuff can be great when you’re able to put time into it, but when you’re not, casual sex is the better way to get your libidinal needs met.

It’s easy. At least, compared to wading through the sea of romantic options to find That One Person you click with on all the levels that matter in a relationship. Most people’s criteria for a casual sex partner are basically “Am I attracted to this person?” and “Can I stand to be around this person for short stretches of time?” Those requirements are pretty easy to meet. And the internet has made this process even simpler, by providing us with services like mysexhookups.com so we can get to the good stuff ASAP with minimal wasted time.

It’s shameless. Well… relatively. We all have some sexual shame to work through, because of our bullshit sex-negative culture. But I’d imagine it’s a lot easier to cop to your kinks when you know you’ll never see the person again. A long-term partner yucking your yum is a lot tougher to take; with a casual partner, if an incompatibility becomes clear, you can just say, “See ya! Onto the next.” And if they do share your kink? Then you’re probably in for some stellar sex.

Are you a casual sex devotee? Any tips for someone who’s new to this world (and kinda, maybe, extremely shy)?

This post was made possible by the folks at mysexhookups.com. Kisses!

10 Reasons Everyone Should Own a Magic Wand

Kate Sloan

It’s strange when a legendary entity changes its name. It’s like that horrible moment in 2008 when I thought I was going to have to start calling Beyoncé “Sasha Fierce.” I mean… she’s Beyoncé. Come on.

That’s how I felt when one of the most famous sex toys in the known universe had its name changed from the Hitachi Magic Wand to simply the Magic Wand.

Of course, I still call it “the Hitachi” around other sex toy geeks. Just like how Prince’s friends probably still called him Prince even when he was using an unpronounceable symbol as his moniker. “Whatever, Prince,” they probably said to him before leaping into his swimming pool full of purple beachballs, or whatever the hell Prince’s friends do when they visit his house.

Anyway… Here are 10 reasons why owning a Hitachi – excuse me, Magic Wand – is imperative to your existence, regardless of what genitals you have or what kind of person you tend to fuck.

1. Let’s face it: it will probably make you come. This, of course, is why it’s endured as a sex toy legend for as long as it has: it simply creates more sensation than almost every other vibrator on the market. It’s ridiculously, appallingly strong. Hold it on your clit or your cock or maybe even your inner thigh or perineum or buttcheek and it’s quite likely you’ll get off in short order, or at least get quite turned on.

2. Clothing removal is not required. How many of your sex toys can you say that about? I can’t count the number of times I’ve whipped out my Magic Wand simply because I was too lazy to take off my pants, and it’s worked. It feels futuristic, ultra-convenient, too good to be true: an orgasm machine that causes minimal inconvenience. Yes, please.

3. It soothes sore muscles. Oh yeah, this is actually what it was designed to do. The quest for orgasm has led to the Magic Wand’s original purpose being bastardized, to the point that Hitachi divested itself of the property – but that doesn’t mean you can’t kick it old-school and use your Magic Wand on your actual, non-sexual muscles. Press it to your back, shoulders, neck, whatever, and feel the tension dissolve. Mmm.

4. It is the bomb dot com for period pains. I am using the phrase “period pains” in the most general sense here. Got cramps? Press the Magic Wand against your womb area until that clenching hellfire numbs out a little. Got overall aches and pains because periods are fucking miserable? Ditto: put the wand where you need it. Feel lethargic, sad, deadened, or otherwise in need of a mid-period pick-me-up? Wring an orgasm or two out of the wand and I am 87% sure you’ll feel better when you’re done. The Magic Wand is basically one big fuck-you to periods, which, hell yeah.

5. You can use it around the world. Well, anywhere there are working outlets, that is. Grab an outlet adaptor for wherever you’re visiting, or if you’re Europe-bound, pick up the UK version of the wand before you go. The wand may not be a suitcase space-saver, but if a customs agent rips apart your bag and lobs nosy questions at you in the security line, you can calmly tell him that the white and blue monster is for your “neck pain.” Haters gonna hate.

6. It’s basically a white noise machine. Okay, I’m not advocating that you leave your wand running all night while you sleep, unless fire hazards turn you on (no, seriously, don’t do this). But I am saying that if you ever feel weird about moaning into a silent room, the Magic Wand can sorta help with that. It gives you a baseline buzz to layer your sounds on top of, so you might feel a little more comfortable letting loose.

7. It breathes new life into non-vibrating toys. Should you ever get bored with a dildo or butt plug, or just want a little more stimulation, hold the head of the wand to the base of the toy while it’s inside you or your partner. Instant tooth-chattering rumbly action. You can even angle the wand in such a way that it stimulates the clit/balls/perineum while making the internal toy tremble, and that is a wondrous combo of sensations, lemme tell ya.

8. It is the forced orgasm prop. If your partner has a forced orgasm kink, there’s pretty much no better way to fulfill it than to tie them up and hold or strap a Magic Wand to their genitals until they’re begging for mercy. (Just make sure to remind them that they might need to yell their safeword a little louder than usual, should the session go that way. The wand takes up a fair bit of sonic real estate.)

9. It works well for medical play, too. I can see it now: your partner puts your legs in stirrups, murmurs “Now just relax, this is a totally routine examination,” snaps some latex gloves onto their hands, and lays out on the table in front of you: a bottle of lube, a speculum, and a Magic Wand. Uh, fuck yes. Sign me up.

10. It just might make you squirt. Legendary ejaculator Shannon Bell has been known to squirt with the assistance of a Magic Wand and an accompanying G-spot attachment. If your pressure-based attempts at female ejaculation have fallen flat, maybe jackhammer-esque vibration is the ticket instead. May as well give it a shot!

What’s your favorite way to use a Magic Wand?

This post was made possible by the lovely folks at MaxiWand.com!

Sharing the Sexy #29

Kate Sloan

• To Be a Slut has some new workshops planned. Body Love sounds like a must-do!

• Accidentally sexual vintage comics. Yessss!

• Interested in voyeurism or exhibitionism? On PerfectCam, you can watch all kinds of sexy folks doing sexy things live – and you can even model yourself, if you want. Fun!

• A new study confirms that circumcision is genital mutilation.

• Ignore the grammar and punctuation mistakes and just enjoy this fascinating account of Ugandan sexual practices.

• Evil Slutopia’s chapter-by-chapter Fifty Shades write-ups continue to be hilarious and illuminating.

• Most disturbing thread I saw on Reddit this week: a woman’s “alternative relationship” with her cat.

• Epiphora really, really hates pink sex toys. I agree and would love to see more blue/turquoise toys in the world!

• “Real men” in underwear ads. I put that in quotation marks because I think it’s weird when people try to argue that models aren’t “real people.” Can we just say “non-model men”?!

Full disclosure: one of these links was sponsored!

Review: Liberator Wedge

Kate Sloan

I am always looking for the next sex product that will Change My Life. It’s a silly criterion, since so few toys actually manage to significantly increase my quality of life – the Eroscillator comes to mind, and perhaps the Fling, but that’s about it. i’m glad to tell you, however, that the sexual positioning aid called the Liberator Wedge is one of these life-improving products.

When the Wedge showed up in a giant box from Sex Toys Canada, my dad saw the size of the package and asked me what it was. I nervously stammered, “It’s a fancy pillow,” which is a partial lie, partial truth. The Wedge is sort of a pillow, but as someone who’s spent a year using pillows as under-ass sex aids, I can tell you that the Wedge is far better than a pillow for most purposes.

My Wedge is blue – a deeper, navier blue than the promotional photos indicate – and it’s the “original” model, so it’s 24″ wide, 7″ tall, and covered in microfiber. What does this mean in terms of practicality? It means that the original Wedge will be a good fit for you if your hips and ass measure anywhere up to 48″ around at their widest point. I’m a hippy size 12 and I can fit my juicy booty on this thing easily, with several inches to spare. Additionally, the combined weight of my boyfriend and I is about 300 lbs, and isn’t enough to crush the Wedge – it holds its shape beautifully, no matter what we’re doing on top of it.

The Wedge’s innards are made of firm foam, and it’s wrapped in a microfiber skin that you can zip on and off for washing. The firmness of the foam is fantastic for providing support, but it’s not always the most comfortable thing in the world; I sometimes like to put a pillow on top of it to make it feel plusher. The microfiber is pleasant to the touch, like a thin velvet, but collects a lot of lint. For this reason, it’s convenient that Liberator includes a zip-off storage case, though I have to admit I can never be bothered to put it on the Wedge when I’m not using it.

The boyfriend and I both love our Wedge for oral sex. When he’s got it under his ass during a blowjob, there’s much less strain on my neck and back, and the angling makes it a hell of a lot easier for me to look up at him as I blow him – always a plus. As for cunnilingus, my man says the Wedge is like a “serving platter for the genitals” (actually, this is a phrase from a Liberator promotional video that I told him about, which he apparently found funny enough to start saying regularly). Again, it reduces neck strain for the giver, and it also frees up a ton of room for his arms and hands if he wants to use a toy on me while eating me out. Anything which improves the oral experience gets an A in my book!

The Wedge is great for intercourse, too. It holds up my hips in missionary position, which results in deeper penetration, more direct G-spot stimulation, and less strain on my ab muscles from holding my legs in the air. It works well for the “lazy dog” position, too, and lessens the back pain I sometimes encounter in that position. The Wedge is even helpful for solo penetration, because it gives me a better view of what I’m doing.

Oddly, one of my favorite applications for the Wedge is a non-sexual one: using it as a regular bed pillow. It’s way too firm to sleep on, but if I put a soft pillow on top of it, it props me up very well if I want to read or write in bed. It’s become a permanent fixture in my bed area, used in myriad ways on a daily basis. I think that’s probably the best compliment you can give a product of any kind.

It’s surprising how much a few extra inches of support can improve one’s sex life. If you find yourself using multiple pillows as sex furniture, or wishing you could get your ass just a little higher, or leaning over uncomfortably far when going down on your partner, the Liberator Wedge could be the missing piece in your sexual toolbox.

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada!

 

For more info about the Wedge, check out this review of Liberator Wedge by Furnpeak.com. This post contains a sponsored link; as always, all writing and opinions are my own.