vibrator

WIshlist: January 2014

Kate Sloan

My sex toy collection is well above 100 toys now, and there’s still stuff I want. Folks, the obsession is real. Here are some toys I’m lusting after at the moment…

1. Limited-edition crystallized BodyWand – I have my doubts that the rechargeable BodyWands could be as strong/good as my electric one, but this blinged-out wand massager is cute and quirky and that makes me want to overlook its potential problems in other areas. Who doesn’t want a sparkly vibrator?!

2. Eroscillator 2 Top Deluxe – My Eroscillator 2 Plus is still my all-time favorite sex toy, almost 2 years after I first reviewed it. If it ever breaks, or if I ever mysteriously come across an extra $200 that I have no other use for (ha!), you can bet I’ll snap up the more powerful version, the Top Deluxe. The original Eroscillator leaves nothing to be desired in terms of power, if you ask me (or my clit), but as a diehard Eroscillator fan, I always want more, more, more!

3. Jopen Comet II – The original Comet was a shockingly intense (non-vibrating) G-spot toy, and now Jopen’s released a sequel that vibrates, for those who like a little rumbling alongside their knee-weakening G-spot stimulation. I figure, even if I don’t like the vibrations (which I probably will), it wouldn’t hurt to have a spare Comet Wand around.

4. Liberator Throe – I can imagine few things more luxurious than owning a blanket specifically for sex. While I don’t squirt (yet?), I still think it would be wonderful to have something soft and absorbent under me during sex to catch any errant lube, sexual fluids, or menstrual blood. My bed has enough stains as is, thank you very much. (Is that TMI? …Too bad, this is a sex blog!)

5. Vibratex Mystic Wand – How do I not have this already?! Tons of people rave about it. Betty Dodson even provides each of her Bodysex workshop participants with one of these for their “erotic recess.” Reviews seem to indicate that it’s one of the few Hitachi knockoffs that doesn’t suck. I need one!

What’s on your sex toy wishlist?

Review: We-Vibe Salsa

Kate Sloan

I feel pretty “meh” about the We-Vibe proper, but their clitoral vibes are the bomb-diggity. (Is that phrase still a thing?) Previously I swooned over the flat-tipped Tango, so I knew I’d like the pointy-tipped We-Vibe Salsa. And dayum, gurl, it delivers.

The Salsa’s been discontinued (boo!) because it wasn’t selling as well as the Tango. This is sad because a) it’s awesome and b) it had color options that went beyond the typical gendered colors that the sex toy industry tends to offer. My Salsa is a sexy, deep black, but it also came in red and white.

The main thing I love about the We-Vibe clit toys, the thing that makes them indispensable and irreplaceable, is their deep, rumbly, wonderfully strong motor. I don’t think there is another clit vibe on the market that feels like this. It always feels weird and exaggerated when I say that a sex toy company is doing something that literally no one else is doing, but that’s true for these toys. They have no rivals. If you like rumbly power and don’t want to mess with something heavy like the Wahl or big like the Patchy Paul, these tiny vibes are absolutely the way to go.

I also recommend the Tango and Salsa to people all the damn time for these reasons: they’re fully waterproof, they’re quieter than the majority of vibes on the market, they’re rechargeable, and they’re small enough to carry around in your handbag or pocket.

…Not that you would necessarily want to carry them around, though – because, as I observed in my Tango review, they don’t have a locking option for travel. There is a distinct chance that your Salsa will start vibrating in your purse if you put it in there. If that’s okay with you, fine, but I know it would be an issue for me if my vibrator turned on while I was in a sociology lecture or at the movies, so my “on-the-go” vibe will continue to be my Lelo Mia 2 for the time being.

My other major quibble with the Salsa and Tango is that they only have one button, which you have to use to cycle through the 4 speeds and 4 patterns (which, by the way, are pretty good as far as patterns go, if you’re into that sort of thing). Sometimes I want to be able to move back and forth quickly between two or three particular settings, without having to cycle my way back to the beginning again.

The Salsa/Tango uses a very fickle magnetic charging system. The charger attaches to the bottom of the toy magnetically and it has to be just right or it won’t charge. (Hint: you should see a steady light on the bottom of the charger if you’ve done it properly.) This issue, combined with the fact that these vibes have a noticeably short battery life (60-90 minutes of use, depending on which settings you favor), made me mistakenly believe that my Tango’s battery had permanently died from misuse recently. Turns out I just wasn’t charging it right. So watch out for that.

The Salsa and Tango are each about 3 inches long, so there’s not a lot of space between the tip and where you’ll be holding the vibe. That means that your fingers might start to go numb if you use the toy for a while. It’s a worthwhile tradeoff, though, since the vibes’ small stature makes them ideal for using during PIV sex. You can never have too many intercourse-friendly vibrators, if you ask me.

Although the Salsa has a few annoying issues, they are worth overlooking for the totally astonishing quality of its vibrations. My whole clitoral network gets rocked by this toy, resulting in orgasms that feel deeper and happen quicker. Few toys can actually have a noticeable effect on orgasm quality, but this is one that does, so it’s worth picking up.

Review: Jimmyjane Little Chroma

Kate Sloan

The Jimmyjane Little Chroma is an old vibrator. It was designed and released years ago. Its technology is outdated, at least in the realm of luxury sex toys. And yet, when I was offered the Little Chroma to review, I wanted it. Because Jimmyjane’s marketing hustle is strong.

They made me want this vibe, with their talk of it being “everlasting” (they sell $20 replaceable motors for when the first one burns out) and “versatile” (yes, you can technically insert it in your vagina, though it’s only 2/3″ wide so I doubt you would) and “waterproof” (it isn’t really, but we’ll get to that). They make it sound damn enticing, like the best investment you could possibly make for your genitals. But the Little Chroma is all talk, no walk. It can’t live up to its hype.

First, the few good things about this toy: it’s made of aluminum, so it feels really smooth and sexy in the hand, and it holds temperature exceptionally well. It comes in cute colors like purple and black. It has a 3-year limited warranty. But… that’s about it. Everything else about it sucks.

Jimmyjane’s marketing for the Little Chroma is based on several lies-by-omission. I’ll list them for you here.

Lie #1: Vibrations. Jimmyjane’s website simply describes the toy’s vibrations as “strong-yet-silent.” What they don’t tell you is that this toy only has one speed. That’s right: unlike virtually every vibrator that sells for more than $15, the Little Chroma doesn’t offer you any options in terms of vibration strength. If you don’t like the one setting they supply you with, you’re fucked – and you probably won’t like it, because it’s as weak and buzzy as a typical bullet vibe.

In the instructional manual, Jimmyjane claims that the Little Chroma’s one speed is “the right speed” and that you can change how strong the vibrations feel by changing where you position the toy on your body. It’s true that the vibrations feel slightly stronger at the tip than on the shaft of the toy, but I only ever use the tip because even there the vibrations don’t feel strong enough. And yet somehow they make my fingers numb as I hold the toy. Ugh.

Using the Little Chroma takes me back to the days when I first started using vibrators – mostly cheap, battery-operated ones, because I was 16 – and I would go numb from the high-pitched vibrations within minutes. I would then have to physically rub the vibrator against myself in order to reach orgasm, and sometimes I wouldn’t even get off at all because there was no sensation left in my clit. Eventually I discovered rumblier vibes and found out that if a toy is good, you can usually just leave it in one spot and let it do the work for you. The Little Chroma does not fall into this definition of a good toy: it desensitizes me alarmingly fast, and I have to rub it up and down against my body to get anywhere close to an orgasm. This process also takes a lot longer than getting off with virtually any other toy.

Lie #2: Waterproof. With most waterproof toys, you can set them down on the side of the bathtub, settle into your bath, get comfy, and then grab your toy and have a nice orgasm with it. This isn’t possible with the Little Chroma, despite its claims of being waterproof.

See, the Little Chroma is only waterproof when the toy’s battery chamber is screwed shut – makes sense, right? – but when the battery chamber is screwed shut, the toy is on. There is no “off” button; you just unscrew the cap to turn it off. So when it’s off, it’s not waterproof – and when it’s waterproof, it’s always on. It has to be on the entire time you’re near water or you risk ruining your $125 toy. I cannot overemphasize how irritating this is.

Lie #3: Quiet. Don’t get me wrong – the Little Chroma is reasonably quiet when it’s actually in use. But when you’re twisting the cap (which, remember, is every time you want to turn the vibe on or off for any reason), it becomes loud, like a tiny little buzzsaw.

So picture this: your roommate comes home unexpectedly, or your mom suddenly knocks on your door while you’re masturbating, and you have to turn off your vibrator in a hurry. Not only does it take several seconds to twist the cap to the “off” position, but the vibrator also becomes weirdly loud while you’re doing this. If your intruder didn’t know you were masturbating before, they will certainly know when you slowly and loudly attempt to turn the toy off. Discreet? Nope. Not in the slightest.

Lie #4: Worth the price. The Little Chroma costs $125. You also have to pay for the AA batteries it uses, and an additional $20 for each additional replacement motor if the first one dies. For that much money, here’s what I think you ought to be able to expect from a vibrator: at least 5 speeds, rechargeability, full waterproofness, and easy orgasms. The Little Chroma delivers on none of these things.

True, the Little Chroma was designed at a time when expectations for luxury vibes weren’t really established yet and when consumers were still setting the bar pretty low for what a vibrator should do. But if we’re viewing this from a 2014 paradigm, the Little Chroma is a colossal waste of $125+. You’d be far better off spending that money on a Lelo Mia 2 (stronger, many more settings and speeds, rechargeable, waterproof) or a We-Vibe Tango (way stronger, 4 speeds, rechargeable, waterproof, super quiet) – hell, you could even get both of those, because even put together, they’re still only $25 more than the Little Chroma. And way, way, way better in every conceivable way.

Here’s what Jimmyjane should do: make the Little Chroma rechargeable, give it a much stronger and rumblier motor, turn its twist-off cap into a twist-dial speed controller, and make it actually waterproof. That could make it one of the best vibes on the market – but I doubt it’ll ever happen.

Review: Lelo Gigi 2

Kate Sloan

Lelo really cares about making excellent products. Some companies churn out crappy toy after crappy toy, seeking only to pad their bottom line and not to make anyone really happy in the pants – but others, like Lelo, give a shit. They want to contribute something meaningful to the sex toy industry.

That’s why Lelo has been gradually producing updated versions of their best-selling toys for a while now. Usually their updates make only two big changes – more power, and waterproof – but those two changes make all the difference, and can take a toy from “okay” to “excellent.”

The Gigi 2 is a great example of this. I tried the original Gigi and didn’t like it much; my review complained, “Gigi feels weak and buzzy… If you’re looking for power, this toy will disappoint you.”

If you need a primer on the difference between buzzy and rumbly when it comes to vibrators, I welcome you to read Epiphora’s thoughts on it. To sum up: buzzy vibes feel surface-level and can lead to fast numbness, while rumbly vibes shake the entire internal clitoris and therefore lead to stronger, deeper orgasms for many folks – myself included.

This is important info to understand when you’re talking about the Gigi and its update, because the difference between the two – at least as far as my clit can tell – is more about vibration quality than vibration strength. Pressed against my hand or held up to my ear, I can barely tell the difference between them – but one gives me orgasms, and the other doesn’t.

Gigi 2 is the same as its predecessor in terms of shape and size. Gigi is one of Lelo’s all-time best-selling toys so it makes sense that they wouldn’t want to mess with a functional formula. My new Gigi has a white ring around the button panel that was grey on the old one, and it doesn’t have a little piece of silicone covering the charging port like the old one did, because Gigi 2 is waterproof. Other than that, they look identical (though I did choose a different color for my Gigi 2, to avoid confusion!).

It continues to make me feel weird that there is no silicone covering over the charging port. I know the toy is waterproof – I have even taken my Gigi 2 into the bath and had orgasms there without issue – but it is still strange to see water traveling into a hole on my expensive sex toy. Doesn’t mess with my overall enjoyment of the toy, really; just weirds me out. I might prefer a little slit that you pierce with the charger when the toy needs some juice, like what’s on Leaf toys.

The other issue with taking Gigi in the bath is that the smooth plastic handle gets very slippery when wet. Whether it’s water, bodily fluids, or lube, this can be a problem. You might want to keep a towel or washcloth handy. Or Lelo might want to think about making their handles grippier.

A problem I have with many Lelo toys, which seems (but maybe isn’t actually) more prominent on the Gigi 2, is the way you have to press the buttons to get them to work. Apparently in attempt to fix reviewers’ past complaints about pressing buttons by accident while maneuvering the toy, newer Lelo vibes’ buttons need a good, solid press before they’ll respond. When I push a button for a shorter length of time – say, half a second instead of the full second – the control panel still lights up momentarily like it usually does, but the setting doesn’t change. I have to press it again, properly. And while I’m sure there are people who appreciate this feature, I mostly just get annoyed by it. When I change my vibrator’s settings, I’m often on the brink of orgasm, needing just a little more power – and a failed button-press can mess that up for me.

Other than that issue, I really enjoy Gigi 2 as a clit vibe. The handle is comfortable to hold, my clit loves the flat, broad-but-not-too-broad head of the toy, and it has enough power to get me off.

Sometimes I get up to the highest setting and wish there was just one or two more beyond that – just a little more power. But the vibrations are fairly rumbly (at least, rumblier than older Lelo toys) so I will eventually have an orgasm if I keep at it. I won’t just go numb and have to stop.

As a G-spot toy, Gigi doesn’t do much for me and never has. It’s too short to reach my G-spot without me having to awkwardly grasp it by the very end of the handle. It’s also just not strong enough to please my G-spot, which feels very buried in my vaginal wall and so needs a lot of vibration. Something like the Fun Factory Patchy Paul, with its insanely strong and low-pitched motor. Gigi just feels like gentle buzzing inside my vagina, and it doesn’t even really find the right spot most of the time.

Someone wanting better G-spot stimulation in a Lelo toy should look at the Mona 2. I find Mona’s shape and size – especially its length – waaaay superior to the Gigi when trying to locate my G-spot.

That said, I do hope Lelo eventually comes out with a super-curved G-spot toy – something like the Jopen Comet II, but with that classic Lelo elegance. I think they could knock it out of the park.

I’m overall pretty pleased with my Gigi 2. It’s become one of my go-to clit vibes, even though that’s not what it’s designed for. It’s versatile, and small enough to slip into a purse or maybe a pocket. But if you want real G-spot stimulation, spend a little more and get the Mona; it’ll do a better job.

Thanks so much to the wonderful people at Lelo for sending me this toy to try out!

Review: Fun Factory LayaSpot

Kate Sloan

I was happy when I got offered a Fun Factory LayaSpot, because I’ve been wanting one ever since I saw one used in Sex is Fun’s “How to Use a Dildo” video. (Thanks, SiF, for teaching me how awesome it is to combine dildos with clit vibes when I was only 14!) I trusted that it would be a good toy if my favorite sex educators had used it.

Wrong. It’s actually just an average battery-powered vibe.

I’ve recently had the opportunity to try out a couple of Fun Factory’s older vibes, from back when they were still making battery-powered toys (as opposed to the amazing creations they churn out nowadays). I tried the LayaSpot and the old version of the Ocean, and both disappointed me. They are lacking in power and it makes my clit sad.

The LayaSpot’s first speed is so low, it’s laughable. It feels like there is an insect buzzing somewhere vaguely close to my skin.

The other speeds border on passable – they’re akin to the middling speeds on a rechargeable vibe, I guess – but they’re so buzzy that I go numb very quickly when I use ‘em. It also feels like the vibrations are somewhat buried in the toy, instead of being located at the surface where they should be.

There are a total of 8 speeds and 3 different modes of vibration. None of them have been enough to get me off, but my clit needs a fair amount of power. More sensitive anatomy might have an easier time with this toy.

To the LayaSpot’s credit, it is a very ergonomically and cleverly shaped toy. It feels good in the hand and curves nicely against the pubic mound, arcing right into the clit. I would have no objections whatsoever if Fun Factory was to update the LayaSpot and make it rechargeable, strong, and rumbly. I think it would easily be one of the best clit vibes available if they did that, especially for people who like their clit stimulation neither broad nor pinpointed but somewhere in between.

The non-porous and phthalate-free exterior of LayaSpot comes in about a zillion different colors. Mine is light pink and dark pink, but you can also get it in various other quirky combinations. Fun Factory’s color choices are always appreciable, as my lime green Patchy Paul and bright turquoise Ocean can attest.

Overall, while I really enjoy the LayaSpot’s shape, size, and appearance, its motor just doesn’t cut the mustard. The vibrations are too weak and surfacey to get me off, plus they’re fairly loud, despite FF’s marketing claims of a “strong, quiet” motor. I really wish they would overhaul this vibe as a rechargeable, because I would buy the shit out of that.