vibrator

Review: Bodywand

Kate Sloan

The Bodywand is trying to compete with the Hitachi, and when you do that, you better be damn good. And guess what? The Bodywand holds up.

Like the Hitachi, it’s electrically powered, about a foot long, incredibly strong, blue and white, and super buzzy. However, there are reasons why you should get a Bodywand instead of (or in addition to) a Hitachi, and I’m going to list some of those reasons now.

1. It’s stronger. No, seriously, it is. I did a side-by-side test with both vibes on their highest setting (frankly, I’m shocked I didn’t blow a fuse) and the Bodywand wins. Not by much, but by enough to be significant and noticeable. Power queens, rejoice!

2. It has a dial instead of a switch. This is excellent news for vibrator users who, like me, prefer to move up in small increments rather than just flicking from low to high. The dial lets you move exactly as gradually as you like. This is the factor which makes me prefer the Bodywand over the Hitachi – I can get just a little more power, when that’s what I need, and I can also back off just a tiny bit when I start to get overstimulated. And it’s all as easy as a quick, intuitive turn of the dial. All vibrators should be like this.

3. It’s easier to hold. I don’t know the exact weight of either toy, but the Bodywand feels about two-thirds as heavy as the Hitachi, maybe less. Definitely a plus if you like to use your vibrators for a long time or if you have physical issues that make heavy toys inconvenient or impossible to use. The Bodywand’s shape is also more ergonomic; it tapers at either end and the blue plastic in the middle is textured for easier gripping. Bravo!

4. It’s cuter. A lot of people say the Hitachi is ugly, and while I don’t agree, the Bodywand absolutely wins in the looks department. The design is feminine without being cloying. The combination of white and robin’s egg blue is adorable.

5. It’s safer. Well, presumably. It has air vents on the back, so it doesn’t ever overheat, unlike the Hitachi which can start to get warm after prolonged use, especially under a blanket. I’ve never been seriously afraid that my vibrator might cause a house fire, but for all you worrywarts out there, the Bodywand seems less likely to set your bed aflame mid-wank.

The only good reason I can think for choosing the Hitachi over the Bodywand is if noise is a big factor for you. On its lower settings, it’s a lot quieter than the Hitachi, but when you get up to the higher settings, it’s louder (despite the website’s claims that the toy “never sounds louder than an easy hum” – sorry, but that’s bull). I have to say, though – if you’re considering buying a wand-style massager, odds are good that you’ve already accepted loudness as par for the course.

At $70, the electric version of the Bodywand (as opposed to the rechargeable or mini versions) is a bit pricier than the Hitachi, but I think it’s worth it. It’s more appealing in every way that matters to me. And it can get me off, no problem, every single time.

Review: Raspberry Crush Turbo Glider

Kate Sloan

California Exotics makes a few different toys with the name “Turbo Glider.” This is the Raspberry Crush one. Its brother, the Blueberry Bliss, gained notoriety among sex toy aficionados a few years ago when a popular toy retailer offered it as a free gift with any order; then Epiphora wrote a love letter to it on her blog. Despite only costing around $15, it’s got a pretty significant fanbase.

The Raspberry Crush shares a lot of the qualities that made the Blueberry Bliss so successful. It’s made of hard plastic, perhaps the only “cheap” sex toy material that’s also body-safe and non-porous. It’s 100% waterproof and doesn’t weaken underwater. It’s got a hell of a lot of power for a $15 battery-powered toy. It can be used both internally and externally. And its outer casing is translucent, so you can see the inner workings of the motor, which is just cool.

Overall, I prefer the Blueberry, because my vagina enjoys its shape more (ripples, ooh la la). The Raspberry has a nice shape too, boasting a slightly flared head that my G-spot finds moderately pleasing, but the toy is too skinny for me to be able to feel the little bumps on it, unless I purposely rub them against my vaginal walls. I also find that the Blueberry’s tip conducts vibration better; the bulk of the Raspberry’s vibration is located a few inches below the tip, and that’s not always convenient.

I’ll always recommend the Turbo Glider toys to beginners, especially those who say they’re looking for something cheap. I don’t know of any other vibes that have this much power for this low a price, while also being body-safe. You get a lot of bang (and buzz) for your buck.

The only real downsides to these toys: they’re quite buzzy, and quite loud. So if you need deeper, lower-pitched vibrations to get off, or it’s important that you be discreet, look elsewhere.

While I do prefer its Blueberry brother, the Raspberry Crush Turbo Glider is a reliable, well-rounded, and satisfyingly standard vibrator.

Review: Jimmyjane Iconic Rabbit

Kate Sloan

Jimmyjane’s Iconic Rabbit has been on my sex toy wishlist for a long, long time – since before I started reviewing. I’ve always enjoyed dual stimulation and had romanticized the idea of a rabbit vibrator as the perfect solution. And Jimmyjane’s rabbit is so much prettier than all the disgusting pink-and-purple jelly ones on the market. I had to have it.

I must confess, though: I actually own one of those gross jelly rabbits. I bought it before I knew better. And although its plasticky smell worried me and the material made my vagina burn after every session, the stimulation was ideal. The shaft twirled against my wanton G-spot. The rabbit ears thrummed against my clit. It got me off spectacularly and quickly, every time. The damn thing was waterproof, too, so I could even take it in the bath with me. If it hadn’t been made of jelly, I probably would have married it.

I expected Jimmyjane’s rabbit to top the one I have from California Exotics, but other than material, there’s no category in which the Iconic Rabbit is as good as my old jelly rabbit.

First of all, you should know: Jimmyjane does not actually make, and did not design, this toy. It’s from their “Usual Suspects” collection, a set of classic sex toys curated and whitewashed by Jimmyjane. The Iconic Rabbit is identical to Vibratex’s very famous Rabbit Habit toy, except that it’s all white, made of “body-safe elastomer,” and has the words “Iconic Rabbit” written on it. I must admit, it looks hella classy.

Elastomer, by the way, is not the worst sex toy material out there (like jelly), but it’s certainly not the best. It’s porous, so you can never fully sterilize it for sharing with a non-fluid-bonded partner. And you certainly can’t put it in your ass if you ever want to use it vaginally again. But on the plus side, it’s compatible with all kinds of lube (I was too nervous to test it with silicone-based lube, though).

The vibrating rabbit ears have that high-pitched, buzzy quality that makes them seem startlingly strong at first and then maddeningly imperceptible after a few minutes, because of the numbness they cause. They’re also really thin and floppy, so they don’t stay on the hood of my clit where I need them. This is obnoxious as fuck; I do not have the patience to re-adjust a toy every ten seconds while I’m trying to get off.

The twirling shaft is highly amusing to look at, and feels great on my G-spot and vaginal walls. The movements are so big, however, that the toy tends to move around a fair bit unless I grip it very tightly. As you might expect, this really doesn’t help the whole “runaway clit stimulator” problem.

The toy’s main issue is its power distribution. Remember when I said the clit vibe can feel very strong at first? That strength vanishes as soon as you turn on the shaft. Each part of the toy steals power from the other. This isn’t a new or unique problem for a rabbit vibe to have, but it’s annoying nonetheless. I don’t think I need to explain how frustrating it is to have to choose between clit stimulation and G-spot rubbing to be able to get off – especially since this is supposed to be a dual-stimulation toy, not an “only one type of satisfying stimulation at a time” toy.

It also has two faces on it. A rabbit face below the bunny ears, and a weird cartoon woman face on the underside of the shaft. I don’t know how you feel about anthropomorphized sex toys, but if you’re not a fan, you’ll hate this one.

I had high hopes for the Iconic Rabbit, and it did not deliver. It has yet to give me an orgasm, because of its weak clitoral vibrations – except for one time, when the bunny ears shifted off my clit about 5 seconds before I was about to come (ARGH) and the shaft pushed me into a weird, unsatisfying, G-spot-based half-orgasm that left me too frustrated to stop but too oversensitive to continue. (THE WORST!) As much as I wanted to love this toy, I just can’t recommend it to anyone – especially with its $100 price tag.

Sharing the Sexy #7

Kate Sloan

• Here’s the 7 dumbest myths about gay sex.

• Modern Family actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson is launching a company that sells stylish bowties to benefit pro-gay rights organizations. I don’t know about you, but I love being able to buy cute things and support my favorite causes at the same time!

• This dildo is apparently spiritually charged. Would you buy one?

• This theory of attraction purports to explain why we get into certain kinds of relationships with certain kinds of people.

• This headline is so ridiculous, it requires no commentary: Man Tries to Rape Raccoon, Gets His Penis Bitten Off.

• Got a vaginal infection you want to cure naturally? (I am so amused by the suggestion to put garlic in your vagina. I’ll definitely try this next time I get an infection…!)

• This guy’s penis inhaled a condom…?! “Basically you know when the tip goes inside out and inside your penis? That’s it.” Uh, no, I don’t know if I’ve seen that one before.

• I made a list of examples of how our society actively encourages women to suppress our sexuality. Can you think of any more?

• The Pervocracy writes about that age-old battle: vibrator vs. penis. My thoughts, as someone who owns a zillion vibrators and has a wonderful boyfriend with a wonderful cock? Both are satisfying. Both are immensely pleasurable. And both have their time and place in my life, absolutely.

• Feeling generous? A Steampunk’s Guide to Sex is taking Kickstarter donations.

• In sex-positive circles, we spend a lot of time discussing all the kinky and out-there things we’d like to try… but what don’t you want to do in bed? My list: scat (but I’d give watersports a shot), armpit-licking, group sex with four or more people, ass-to-mouth, and getting fucked with anything over 8 inches long (sorry, huge dudes!).

• This man cut off, cooked, and served his own penis. I’m speechless.

• In honor of Bi Visibility Day, Carrie wrote about being an out-and-proud bisexual. Hell yeah!

• Rush Limbaugh is seriously blaming small penises on feminists. What the fuck is wrong with this guy?

I’ve Succumbed to the Hitachi Cult

Kate Sloan

This isn’t a review. Zillions of people have reviewed the Hitachi Magic Wand. I’m sure you don’t even care anymore. You know it’s strong, you know it’s ugly, you know that most people who try it love it, and you know there’s a vocal minority who can’t stand the damn thing. So this isn’t a review, exactly, but… I wanted to write about my Hitachi.

I bought it because I had a bunch of sex shop gift cards saved up. First on my list was the Hitachi – not because I thought I’d love it (in fact, I thought I’d hate it), but because, as a sex toy aficionado, I pretty much need one. I need to know what people mean, exactly, when they say that something is “Hitachi-strong,” and I need to be able to make that comparison myself, when it’s relevant. So I threw a Hitachi in my cart (along with some other weird shit like the Boosty and the absurd Love Bone) and paid for my swag, hoping for the best.

When the package arrived, I immediately took the Hitachi out of its hilariously G-rated box and plugged it in. I held it to my pubic mound, practically trembling in anticipation of its purported Epic Power, and turned it on.

It was buzzy and high-pitched. It sounded like a food processor. When I held it to my clit, I went numb within a minute or two. I was not impressed. With practically no sensation left in my junk, I grabbed my Eroscillator and it finished the job for me a few minutes later. Then I laid back, exhausted, and glowered loathsomely at the buzzy behemoth on my bedside table.

Subsequent attempts went similarly. I’d press the toy’s giant head into my vulva, turn it on, and lose sensation within seconds. Frankly, it sucked. I wrote an angry review and tossed the Hitachi in the bottom drawer of my storage unit so as not to be reminded of its colossal failure.

…But something in me wanted to give it another shot. So, on a particularly horny night, when my Wahl and Eroscillator were both unexplainably not quite doing the trick, I pulled out the reproachable Hitachi again.

While using the Mustang to give my G-spot adequate attention, I turned on the Hitachi and decided to try out a different technique. This time, I spread my legs wide so my outer labia opened up somewhat and my clit poked out even more than usual. I placed the Hitachi’s head very lightly on my vulva, so that it laid just on my clit and nowhere else. And guess what? It actually felt really, really good. A few minutes later, I had a super intense orgasm that left me shuddering and writhing. I fell asleep still clutching the vibrator in my arms.

Of course, by the end of that session, my clit felt a bit like a dead circuit. But the more that I get off with my Hitachi, the less I notice this desensitization. It’s almost like it’s made me more sensitive. These vibrations, which used to feel so buzzy and surface-level to me, now feel deep and penetrating and immensely pleasurable. What gives?!

I don’t think I’ll really recommend the Hitachi to many people, partially because I’m still mystified about why I like it. It’s too broad, it’s super buzzy, it’s heavy and bulky, it’s made of questionable materials. But if you want a classic vibrator that’ll get the job done, and you’re not picky about aesthetics, and you don’t care about rumbliness… dude, you probably need one of these.