video games

“Echoes of Wisdom” is a Feminist Allegory

Kate Sloan

One of the nice things about having my own blog is that I get to write about whatever the hell I want, and nobody can stop me! And today, I feel like talking to you about video games. One video game in particular, actually: Echoes of Wisdom, the latest addition to the Legend of Zelda series.

I’m no old-school Zelda nerd, having hopped onto this game franchise’s bandwagon with 2017’s Breath of the Wild, the open-world adventure often heralded as one of the best video games of all time. But I’ve become a big enough fan since BotW that I was thrilled when the team announced Echoes of Wisdom – especially since it’s the first main-line Zelda game where you actually get to play as Zelda.

Inevitably, there was Discourse about this choice. I didn’t go looking for it, because I’ve read more than enough “Women ruin everything with wOkE!!1!” tweets to last me a lifetime. Never mind that the series’s usual hero, Link, was specifically designed to be androgynous-looking so that players of all genders could relate to him better – there will always be gamer bros who think diversity and social progress are the enemy, and I’m happy to let them keep playing in their tiny little sandboxes while the rest of the world grows up and moves on.

I follow many Twitch gamer boys who are not insufferable misogynist assholes, however, and I found it delightful to watch their first playthroughs of Echoes. No one said a damn thing about it being weird to play as a girl. Instead, some of them exclaimed, with smiles gleaming and controllers clacking, “It’s so cool that you get to play as Zelda in this one!”

Having played through Echoes myself, I see it as a feminist allegory – and not just because you play as Zelda. I have no idea how intentional this was on the part of the creators, but I do know that this is the first Zelda game to have been directed by a woman, which is telling!

Let me give you a breakdown of some of the things I noticed when playing Echoes through a feminist lens. (Spoilers ahead!)

Your (evil) heroes & protectors

(Content note: brief mention of sexual assault + harassment)

In some of the first plot points of the game, Link – who has rescued Zelda from harm countless times before, and is her literal heaven-sent protector – gets stolen away by an evil entity. Left in his place is a body-snatcher-style copy of Link, who has all of Link’s raw power and battle skill, but none of his warmth and goodness. His eyes, once friendly and kind, glow red with rage now. He may have saved her life a hundred times, but now he wants to end it.

“Dark Link” is one of the first bosses you face in the game, and I found this fight genuinely chilling. It reminded me, viscerally, of all the times a seemingly-trustworthy man has shown me his true colors – whether by sending unsolicited dick pics to my friends, going on a random slut-shaming tirade, or (yup) touching me in ways I hadn’t consented to. It’s deeply unsettling when this happens, and it can and does shake the very foundations of my ability to trust anyone.

Similarly, Zelda’s own father – the king of Hyrule – is also replaced by an evil body-double, who immediately declares Zelda a criminal and has her thrown in jail. All of the men Zelda should be able to trust are working against her at every turn, with hatred in their hearts. Like, damn; what a #relatable #mood.

Resourcefulness as a virtue

The main gameplay mechanic in Echoes is the ability to create, well, echoes – illusory copies of various objects and monsters, which you can use for both combat and puzzle-solving throughout the game. This stands in stark contrast to most Zelda games, where you play as Link and can raze down enemies yourself, with your sword or bow.

Whereas Link’s god-given power is courage, Zelda’s is wisdom (hence the title of this game). I was reminded, while playing, of the Audre Lorde quote about how “the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.” While I agree with that brilliant sentiment in matters of real-life inclusion and activism, it’s interesting to see how Zelda literally uses the tools of her oppressors against them throughout this game. She can send a flaming bat flying at Dark Link’s head, or hide in a clay pot to sneak past prison guards, or sic a band of murderous lizards on the jacked centaur trying to unalive her – but only after she’s “learned” these echoes, often from her enemies themselves.

This very much reminds me of what some feminists might call “working within the system” or “playing the game” – like when, for instance, a female employee maintains a sweet smile and pleasant demeanor while strategically talking her male boss into giving her a raise, in such a way that he almost ends up thinking it was his idea, since that may be easier on his ego.

There are major limits to this type of strategy, as the Lorde quote makes clear, albeit in a different context (she was talking about race and intersectionality in feminism). But it makes sense to me that someone like Princess Zelda would be shrewd and crafty in fighting her enemies, especially since she doesn’t wield traditional weapons like Link does, and doesn’t have control over the royal military like her father does.

Power is all but inaccessible

Despite being the widely-renowned princess of the realm, Zelda doesn’t have much power, neither physically nor politically. As I’ve described, throughout the game she mainly fights by summoning echoes of objects and monsters that can do direct damage, since she herself cannot.

Well, actually, there is one way that Zelda can do direct damage without summoning an echo… but it involves transforming into Link. (You know that thing about how disguising yourself as a man can help you get ahead as a woman, because the patriarchy is stupid? Yeah, that’s a thing in video games too.)

There’s a mechanic called “Swordfighter Form” in which Zelda becomes a spectral copy of Link, capable of hurting enemies with his sword, bow, and bombs. But crucially, you can only stay in this mode for maybe 10-20 seconds at a time before your “energy” runs out, and you morph back into Zelda. These short bursts of Link-time are especially helpful in boss battles, but Swordfighter “energy” is rare enough that many players (myself included) don’t end up using this mode in normal gameplay very often.

Some of the Twitch boys I follow were very complimentary of the game overall, but noted that it would’ve been more fun if you could take more direct control over combat, like in a traditional Zelda game. They said it sometimes felt tedious to wait around, dodging enemies and watching your echoes beat them up for you, instead of jumping in and joining the fight.

Me, though? I didn’t find those parts of the game tedious at all – maybe because combat is rarely my favorite part of any game, or maybe because watching echoes kill monsters was fun for me in the same way that watching robots fight goblins was fun in Tears of the Kingdom. But even setting aside the gameplay aspect, I think it makes sense thematically for Zelda to only have limited access to power – because she does. We see at the beginning of the game that even being the fucking Princess of Hyrule can’t protect her from anything – her own father throws her in the clink, making up elaborate lies about crimes she’s committed, and everyone just… believes him. Zelda is forced to become a fugitive in her own kingdom, because her father has real power, while she herself – as a princess and a young woman – does not.

So, while those Twitch fellas’ hearts are in the right place, I couldn’t help but chuckle when they said it was frustrating to be stripped of their power and agency. It’s been frustrating for a hell of a lot of women, too – for centuries, or millennia, before the Zelda series was even a twinkle in Aonuma‘s eye.

“She rescues him right back”

The game begins with Link saving Zelda, and ends with Zelda saving Link. I love this; it’s kind of perfect, and reminded me of the end of Pretty Woman, where Richard Gere climbs Julia Roberts’ fire escape like a gallant prince seeking his princess:

Edward: So what happened after he climbed up the tower and rescued her?
Vivian: She rescues him right back.

In Echoes‘ case, some might call it a predictable ending for this Zelda-centric story, and yet it also feels like the only way it could’ve/should’ve ended. And it gestures at one of the biggest lessons I’ve taken away from the feminist movement as a whole: that true progress, safety, and joy are found only through collaboration and interdependence – and that people of all genders need help sometimes, and people of all genders can provide that help. We’re more similar than we are different, and we’re stronger when we acknowledge that.

This isn’t a review of the game, but if it were, I would tell you that it’s fun, engrossing, has cool mechanics and a kickass soundtrack, and encourages creative problem-solving – so, basically, it’s a banger.

But with all of that being said, I think one of the coolest things about Echoes of Wisdom is that it’s a story about womanhood, directed by a woman, in a series where a woman has long been the figurehead and MacGuffin but never the hero. Players have been rescuing poor helpless Zelda for decades; this latest version of her can save her fucking self, something I always wish more women felt empowered to do. But that is why we fight, and that is why we will continue to fight.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2022: 6 Journal Entries

Kate Sloan

Dear friends, I didn’t write in my journal much this year; one of the occupational hazards of being someone who writes for a living is that sometimes you don’t have enough time/energy to write for yourself. A lot of the writing I did do in my journal was the many many pages of notes I tend to take during solo shrooms trips; usually I put on a movie (or sometimes 2-3 in a row) and sit in front of it with my Moleskine and pen, noting all the thoughts and feelings that come up as I watch Hercules or A Bug’s Life or Cats Don’t Dance or whatever.

So, some of the journal entries I’m sharing in this post are extremely condensed/curated excerpts from those trip notes, and some are just regular journal entries about thoughts and feelings I was having at the time. A lot of these entries also contain reference to the trauma healing work I’ve been doing this year in Internal Family Systems therapy. I hope you enjoy, and that you’re having a good December.

 

March 12th

Some notes from a solo shrooms trip:

All of us (all the “parts” of me) can rally together inside. Working collaboratively on a big task (like healing trauma) inherently builds intimacy. And hopefully trust. Like how Chuck Nolan (in the movie Cast Away) needed to be the guy looking for rope and also the guy who sent him to look. It can save your sanity to be multiple selves.

No one’s there to care for you if you’re just alone. You have to be able to split yourself, see yourself and your life from two angles at once, yours and hers (your inner child’s). It’s the only way you both can be cared for, protected and healed. The way I “trip-sit” myself is such good training for being simultaneously the passenger and the captain. It needs to become almost instinctual, like psychological muscle memory, for me to separate from and care for my inner bbgirl like this.

The hardest part is realizing: as a kid, you thought adults had all the answers and were never afraid, but in reality, you can be afraid and only know what you know and still decide to helm the ship. Having to calm her helps summon the most adult, nurturing parts of me to the surface. I never need to worry I’m a bad “parent” to her as long as I am listening to her, affirming her feelings, and helping her do what she wants to do next.

I spent a lot of time alone in my room as a kid because I wouldn’t trigger myself, wouldn’t monitor my own behavior for badness, or yell at myself. It was very resourced of me to be in my room alone with books, journals, dolls/teddies/stuffed animals, music, my tape recorder, my cute clothes. I found peace in solitude. But crucially, this strategy REQUIRES that I only be nice to myself, and not be the exact kind of terrorizer that necessitated my self-regulating alone time.

 

April 14th

Free-writing because Matt told me to:

[My high school] was a place where queerness of all definitions was accepted and encouraged. It was in some ways a culture shock after 2 years at [my middle school], where social hierarchy mattered so primally, so fundamentally. What is it about middle school that brings out the meanest, darkest streaks in young people’s psychology? Is it the underformed prefrontal cortex, the impulse control issues, the lack of emotional experience that turns pimply dweebs into monsters?

There are two girls I regret having shunned and gossiped about rather than befriended in middle school. One was [N.], widely regarded as the sluttiest girl in school. We were all 12-14 years old, and there were constant rumors that [N.] dated men in their late teens or early twenties. I wonder now if she was okay, if those men were taking advantage of her; any way you slice it, they almost certainly were.

The other girl we were mean about was [K.]; she was meek but deeply funny when you got her going. She was into anime and other “nerdy” stuff like that. There were also constant rumors that she was a lesbian, and the popular girls would sometimes claim that she had been staring at them or making them feel uncomfortable. In retrospect, the homophobic anxiety was off the charts at that school, which made [my high school] seem even more utopian by contrast.

[My therapist] says it makes sense that I would latch onto the structure of “popularity” in order to prop up my damaged self-image after the emotional mistreatment I’d endured elsewhere. We naturally look for ways to feel more empowered when we go through a disempowering trauma – that’s how shame first evolves, as a way of coping with unpredictable dangers by positing that we can theoretically protect ourselves from those dangers if we behave a certain way because the problem is that we are bad – to believe otherwise would be to have to accept the terrifying truth that danger can strike at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all.

So I can see why I got so obsessed with winning/maintaining the approval of [B., the most popular girl at my middle school] and her cronies, even though I didn’t even like them that much or want to be their friend for reasons other than social status and avoiding loneliness + ridicule. There were rules I could follow – I thought – that would help me stay safe: wear this brand of clothing, carry this type of purse, talk this way, mock these girls, express derision toward the “right” things (gayness, nerdiness, fatness, etc). I was trying to follow all the protocols and even that wasn’t enough, ultimately, to keep me safe from having my social status destroyed. But it was a lesson I needed to learn.

 

July 27th

Part of why this songwriting challenge has been so good for me is that I always wanted to do more gigs but so much of my best material (especially the more crowd-pleasing stuff) was from when I was in high school or my early twenties, and I feel like a pretty different person now, with different things to say and different feelings and stories I want to express (though some of the same ones as well). I’m really proud of the songs I’ve been cranking out this year and excited to have so much more stuff I can perform whenever that becomes a possibility again.

I’ve also loved observing how naturally well-suited my brain is for songwriting: little melodic, lyrical or conceptual ideas come to me all the time, like a tumbleweed blowing on down the road, and my job is to pick them up, examine them, shine ’em up and make ’em sparkle. My songwriting process now is much more adult and fleshed-out than when I was in high school, because 1) I’m a better writer now in general and 2) my spiritual beliefs around creativity now are less about accepting and reproducing exactly the rudimentary or strange ideas I hear in my head and more about using them like whispers from the universe, as a jumping-off point, an improv scene suggestion, a nudge in the direction I need to go in. I’m fascinated by the process of honing a metaphorical block of marble into a beautiful, compelling sculpture.

 

September 10th

Some notes from another shrooms trip:

3:07 p.m. Have to once again remind myself: you don’t need to narrate this or explain/describe your experience to ANYONE later, just enjoy it – BUT if imagining a future audience/listener is useful as a framing device or narrative theme, of course you can still use it when and if you want to.

3:15 p.m. Keeping grounded during scary scenes [of the movie I’m watching, Hercules] by writing about them. But is this always what I do? Distancing myself from the experience by documenting it? The loss of control/connection to reality that many people fear from drugs (myself included) is noticeably lurking around the edges but I am comfortably holding it off – the movie and writing about the movie are both pleasant.

3:26 p.m. Reality is bending and becoming less sure to me but in a way that’s still comfortable. Indeed, narrating this as if for a future reader (even if it’s only me) is a helpful organizing principle but also something I wouldn’t even know how to turn off in myself. What notes am I supposed to make in a NOTEbook if not for a future reader? Why am I shaming myself, bullying myself for a natural human impulse that has existed since the beginning of time itself? I am a creator, that is very core to who I am, and so parts of everything I do will be done creatively or as if they are meant to function as fuel or fodder for further creation. To pretend otherwise would be kidding myself.

4:12 p.m. Literally have no idea how many pages I’ve written this trip. The writing is less about its output and more about the actual action of it – it’s a guiding principle, a way of steering the ship, but also it is the ship.

 

October 29th

Some notes from yet another shrooms trip:

5:47 p.m. Watching [the YouTuber QuinBoBin] play Twilight Princess. I love him he’s so funny and wholesome. I’m laughing so hard that there are tears rolling down my cheeks.

Quin has taught me a lot about HOW TO ENJOY PLAYING VIDEO GAMES! This connection to my nerdy childhood. It’s like I was too scared of social self-judgment for being nerdy and I didn’t even let that path of my life develop. Reclaiming video games and other nerdy shit I was shamed out of. Being that nerdy boy I always wanted to impress and connect with.

5:57 p.m. VERY emotional. Shrooms is not easy or passive; do not expect it to be. But nothing is scary when I know Quin is here with me and we’re fighting the big boss together. I have to let the gay nerd inside me out. How much of my personality and style have I let [my middle school bully] shape? Who would I be without her laugh aimed at me in my own head? I’m mourning wasted time and who I could have been.

In the game Link transforms and I can transform too. I can be anything I want. My life is mine to craft now. Slicking my hair back with my tears lol.

I always used to run from Lynels [a difficult enemy in the game Breath of the Wild] or chip away at their ankles and Quin showed me I can fucking mount them and slap their cheeks til they’re dead. Nerdy boys showed me a way out of the hell of social hierarchy and I chose to swim away. I chose the hierarchy. Every mean thing I’ve ever done has been in service of trying to look cool and disaffected and like I had the upper hand. That was all an act, a crutch. I know that now.

6:21 p.m. What a wild drug, lol.

 

November 21st

Was just looking at some of Gaby Herstik’s incredible selfies and felt a strong sense of wanting to lean back into the side of me that would post provocative thirst traps on Twitter, dress slutty and weird every day, flirt with randos, etc. I think I have lost touch with that girl partly for reasonable reasons (fibro, pandemic, concerns about being kicked off PayPal/Instagram etc. for being too porny) and partly for dumb reasons (wanting to “seem more professional” and “be taken more seriously”). The disembodiment of trauma has also played a role.

But I wonder how much of feeling embodied and deliciously sensual is about making the effort to feel sexy by any means necessary: wearing lipstick and perfume to bed, posting late-night lingerie pics, upping my heart rate by telling cute people they’re cute.

Through therapy I have become aware of the aspects of my former sluttiness that I felt pressured into by society and people I’ve hooked up with, or felt lured into by my own trauma-borne desperation to be liked and wanted. But I wonder if now it’s time to let the pendulum swing back in the other direction a little, in the hopes of finding a happier medium. I want to feel even sexier in my thirties than I did in my twenties, and when I do, I will have earned it. This body, this confidence and this proud sexuality were hard-won for me and I intend to enjoy them. But in a way that respects my demisexuality, my trauma history and my boundaries.

During fibro flare-ups I feel so disconnected from my body even as the pains and discomforts of my body are all I can think about. I want to feel in touch with my body again and that includes being in touch with its softness, its sexiness, its allure to others and to myself.

Monthly Faves: Tidy Desks & Morose Masterworks

Kate Sloan

I had quite a dramatic and exhausting month, but a lot of wonderful stuff happened too! Here are some of my fave things from May.

 

Media

• Easily the best thing I watched this month was Bo Burnham’s new Netflix special Inside, which he wrote, performed, shot, and edited himself in his apartment over more than a year during the pandemic. It’s a biting and often hilarious meditation on pandemic life, the internet, depression, anxiety, and the complicated relationship performers have with their audiences. Bo has always been a delightful songwriter but this special contains the best, snappiest, darkest, and most sophisticated songwriting he’s done his whole career. Just watch it!

• Lately I can’t stop looping queer nonbinary singer/songwriter Ben Hopkins’ album I Held My Breath For a Really Long Time Once. Thematically it’s actually very similar to the Bo Burnham special: it’s about depression, loneliness, compulsive behavior (incl. alcoholism), and desiring attention while simultaneously being terrified of it. The magic trick of this album is that all these sad themes are explored through mostly upbeat, danceable, and sing-along-able guitar-forward music. Some of the lyrics about depression and anxiety are just too damn relatable for me, like these gems: “I don’t know how a normal person relaxes/ How to brush my teeth or how to pay my taxes.” “I don’t know how to pay for therapy/ I imagine if I did, I’d have some clarity.” “What’s the point of tidying when everything’s a mess?”

• Matt and I watched the documentary California Typewriter and I found it so affecting and inspiring that I had to snap up a vintage typewriter of my own almost immediately! This film features a whole bunch of famous people who use and love typewriters, but it was John Mayer’s endorsement of them that caught my attention most: he talked about the ways in which the typewriter’s analog nature can unlock hidden modes of creativity, and I have indeed found that to be true so far.

• I’ve played Pokémon games since I was about 8 years old and definitely know more than the average gamer about Pokémon, but watching Twitch gamer SmallAnt’s streams has taught me so much about strategy nonetheless. The video wherein he beats a whole game without dealing any direct damage is incredibly impressive and made for a great late-night intoxicated watch!

• If you enjoy casual sex, or would like to, Allison Moon’s new-ish book Getting It is a must-read. It’s an informative, compassionate, and non-judgmental guide to all things hookup-related.

 

Products

• I’m gonna write about this in detail soon, but I’m loving all the things I’ve bought recently to upgrade my desk setup (a monitor, monitor riser, new SAD lamp, keyboard, mouse, and set of wooden drawers). It is really astonishing how much a “tiny life-improvement project” can brighten your outlook.

• I also upgraded the top of my dresser where I keep all my makeup, skincare products, perfumes, and hair accessories. I bought a rotating storage rack for skincare and makeup brushes, some stackable acrylic drawers and organizers for my makeup and false lashes, and an LED-lit makeup mirror so I no longer have to squint at myself in the half-darkness while putting my face on. Hooray, femme organization!

• I’m going hard on scalp care lately and really loving the Aromatica rosemary scalp scrub and La’dor tea tree scalp clinic hair pack. Seems like a lot of folks have been having scalp issues during the pandemic, possibly due to some combination of stress and less frequent showers (hey, no judgment); maybe these products would help you too!

 

Work & Appearances

• I recently announced the book I’ve been writing for the past couple months: a petite and informative tome for Laurence King Publishing called 200 Words to Help You Talk About Gender & Sexuality. Exciting! (You can still preorder my first book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do – its launch date is a little over 4 months away now!)

• The lovely musical theatre nerds from the Dear Friends podcast invited my friend Brent and I to come answer some advice questions about sex, drugs, and BDSM with them. It was a fun time!

• I was interviewed for Uses This about my work setup. Check it out if you’re curious what hardware and software I use for all my various projects, including this blog!

• In my newsletter this month, I wrote about cuckolding porn, the definition of gender, why typewriters are sexy, and why simultaneous orgasms are overrated.

• For the Andrew Blake blog, I wrote about the usefulness of sex books, vibrators for people with penises, and how to connect with your partner sexually at the end of a long, tiring day.

• On the Dildorks this month, we discussed masochism, public sex, and our current feelings on casual sex.

• On Question Box this month, we chatted with sex educator Dr. Timaree Schmit and burlesque emcee Adam Teterus, actor and storyteller Grace Aki, voice actor Katy Johnson and personal trainer Jordan “Jaxblade” Downs, and kink podcast cohosts Lexi and Gwen. Wow, that’s a lot of awesome people!

 

Good Causes

• In light of the horrendous news about previously unreported deaths of Indigenous students at Canadian residential schools, please consider donating to the Indian Residential School Survivors Society. The cultural genocide perpetrated against Indigenous people by the Canadian government is unacceptable and it’s time for a reckoning (and, ideally, reparations).

• The M’akola Housing Society helps provide affordable housing to Indigenous people in British Columbia.

• The Black Sex Worker Collective provides education, legal help, and healthcare + housing referrals to Black sex workers. They’re also running a conference soon that looks super interesting.

Monthly Faves: Cannabis, Kink, & Quarantine

Kate Sloan

Hello, friends! I am writing this from the Toronto hotel where the Canadian government has mandated that I quarantine for a few days (at great expense, I might add), having just returned home from New York so I can get vaxxed in my home country. I’m annoyed about the huge fee (which, to be fair, covers enhanced sanitation procedures and meals), but trying to look on the bright side: I’m enormously privileged to be able to stay here, and I can think of it as a staycation of sorts, or maybe a writing retreat.

With that in mind, I thought I’d sit down at my cute little hotel-room desk and write a Monthly Faves, since it’s been a while. Here’s some of what brought me joy in April…

 

Media

• Any fans of the Harvest Moon franchise out there? I used to play Harvest Moon: Friends of Mineral Town obsessively as a youngin, and recently learned that an updated remake exists for the Switch. I only picked it up about a month ago and have already finished 5 in-game years, gotten married, and had a child… #LockdownLyfe, am I right?! I’m far from the first to observe that there is something wonderfully calming about playing idyllic, pastoral video games during times of global strife. The world may be on fire, but at least I can grow my crops and feed my chickens.

• Send this compelling Archie Crowley TED Talk to anyone you know who finds they/them pronouns and other trans terminology “too confusing” or “ungrammatical.” Archie’ll set ’em straight.

• I watched Q: Into the Storm, the new HBO documentary miniseries about QAnon, and really enjoyed it. Actually, Matt and I were so enthralled by the first couple episodes that we ended up staying up and watching all 6 of them in a row. (Nerds!) I am fascinated by conspiracy theories, cults, and con men, and this series contains all of the above. Pretty terrifying that people actually believe this shit…

• I’ve been reading a lot of great books lately, but Tracy Clark-Flory’s new memoir Want Me was a definite standout. I hadn’t heard of Tracy until I saw her tell a story on a Bawdy Storytelling livestream recently, but the story she told was about being super horny while pregnant and overcoming shame about the types of fantasies pregnant people are or aren’t “supposed” to have, so of course I was intrigued! Her book is part memoir, part meditation on our sexual culture, particularly the ways in which women who date men are socialized to adopt strange behaviors and maybe-unnatural desires in order to appeal to men. Definitely a page-turner!

• Another book I read this month was Leigh Cowart’s forthcoming Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose; I scored an advance copy, but the book comes out in September. I would vehemently recommend this book to anyone who’s interested in pain from any angle: kink, chronic pain, psychology, biology, even philosophy. It explores various subcultures that participate in some form of deliberate masochism, whether that’s through running an ultramarathon or eating a super spicy pepper or, yes, BDSM. Leigh is a hilarious writer and I absolutely tore through their book!

 

Products

• One of my birthday gifts from Matt was a leather strap from London Tanners, designed for “domestic discipline.” It is a leather fan’s wet dream, and hurts a hell of a lot (in a very good way)!

• There is something so classy and iconic about a simple pearl necklace. My partner recently bought me one, because I’d been sighing over pearl pics online a lot, and it really dresses up any outfit.

• Sugarpill lashes in the “Lullaby” style are so fucking dramatic. They rule. I’m still pretty new to the false eyelashes lifestyle (if such a thing could be said to exist), and I know there are so many more companies making all kinds of wild lashes out there, but Sugarpill’s ones are so consistently great that I find it hard to get motivated to branch out!

• I’ve been feeling a need lately to “flag” as chronically ill, because I have the sense that doing so could make me feel like less of a “disability impostor” and more like an actual member of the disabled community, and especially the invisibly disabled community (which I am!). I bought a “chronic pain warrior” pin and an “invisible illness club” pin from Etsy and have been loving wearing them on my leather jacket’s lapel.

• I was recently introduced to a cannabis company called Her Highness and I love their sleek, feminine, modern branding! They sent me a red lip ashtray (gorgeous!!) and their pleasure oil (pleasurable as advertised!), among other things, and I’m loving them so far. They also donate some of their proceeds to the Last Prisoner Project, because they’re committed to racial justice in the cannabis space.

 

Work & Appearances

• Hey, did you know that my book 101 Kinky Things You Can Do is available for preorder now?! No matter where you are in the world, you should be able to preorder your copy, so you’ll be able to start reading it right away when it launches in October. Exciting!!

• One of my podcasts, Question Box, has been on hiatus for a year, but recently came back for season 2! The first episode has a MUSICAL NUMBER in it, which was composed by my cohost and friend Brent Black. I had missed doing this show!

• My latest piece for the Insider is about the best sex toys for long-distance couples, a topic with which I am WELL-acquainted! It’s still a huge honor to write for such a rigorous and revered publication.

• I was super flattered that sexual folklorist Dixie De La Tour invited me to tell a story on a Bawdy Storytelling livestream this month! I’ve been a huge fan of Bawdy for ages and it was a literal dream come true to work with Dixie on a story and then tell it to the super supportive “Bawdience.” My story was about romance, mental illness, and espionage, and it might end up on the Bawdy podcast sometime – I’ll let you know when/if you can hear it!

• I did a bloggiversary livestream/concert way back in March, and it was one of my most fun nights in recent memory! Thanks to everyone who showed up to listen to my tunes; you made the day extra special. (Did you know my music is available for purchase on Bandcamp?)

• Some of my recent articles for the Andrew Blake blog were about sex furniture, the health benefits of sex, sex games, financial domination, the physiology of orgasm, how to tell your partner about your secret fetish, and the history of sex toys.

• I guested on the Between the Pages podcast this month, and it was so much fun! It’s a show that focuses on the intersections of books and sexuality. The episode I guested on (click here to listen) was a book club-style discussion of Kink, an anthology of short stories edited by R.O. Kwon and Garth Greenwell, and the conversation went to some very interesting and provocative places.

• On the Dildorks lately, we’ve discussed topics such as masochism, limits, medical play, and dating after COVID. I also interviewed the Bearded Scotsman about his audio erotica, and Bex and I celebrated 4/20 with our traditional yearly “highpotheticals” episode.

• In my newsletter, I’ve recently written about monogamy fetishism, a leather belt I once had a crush on, the gendered implications of pain, and ruined orgasms.

 

Good Causes

• The Butterfly Asian & Migrant Sex Workers Support Network is a good place to throw some dollars right now. Sure is a lot of racist violence in the news lately. Ugh.

• Asian Americans Advancing Justice is fighting for Asian-American civil rights.

• Police violence against Black people is an epidemic, and organizations like Don’t Shoot Portland are pushing for change and accountability.

• Speaking of police violence, Daunte Wright’s murder was yet another shocking injustice perpetrated by cops. His family set up a GoFundMe to cover funeral expenses, grief counselling, and more.

• The aforementioned Last Prisoner Project is doing crucial work, trying to achieve social justice by changing drug policies and helping people who’ve been incarcerated for drug crimes.

Monthly Faves: Temperature Play & Time Loops

Kate Sloan

It’s been a rocky month for me health-wise (I’m sure many of you can relate), but some things still made me smile and propelled me forward. Here are some faves from July…

 

Media

• I cannot express to you how much the Bad Dog Theatre’s weekly livestream of their dating-focused hit improv show Hookup improves my mood and my life. They are doing some of the most inspired, masterful improv I’ve ever seen – OVER ZOOM! EVERY WEEK! FOR FREE! (Although, you should also donate to the Bad Dog so they can stay in operation.) Also, incidentally, if you are single and would like to be interviewed for the show, they’re always looking for people like you.

• As I’ve mentioned, during the pandemic I’ve fallen back into a long-standing Pokémon preoccupation (I’ve been playing these games since about ’98-’99, YEESH). As a result, I’ve been re-watching Chuggaaconroy’s playthrough of Pokémon Crystal, and marveling at how he manages to be both hilarious and informative in every video. Apparently I am destined to have crushes on nerdy boys for ever and ever.

• The movie Palm Springs is new to Hulu and stars Andy Samberg and Cristin Milioti in a Groundhog Day-esque time loop. Interestingly, although it’s a comedy with a lot of laughs, it deals with some of the darker and more haunting aspects of living in an infinite time loop (e.g. feeling suicidal, ceasing to care about your own life) in a way that reminds me of the struggle of living with depression. It’s really been a delight to watch that goofy kid from Lazy Sunday grow up into such a thoughtful and nuanced actor.

• The new edition of The Adventure Zone graphic novel series came out this month, and it happens to be the instalment in which the character named after me is featured! (Details here, if you’re curious.) As per usual for this series, I have to especially congratulate Carey Pietsch for her brilliant and expressive illustrations. I’ve been listening to these characters and their stories for so many years and it’s an oddly emotional experience seeing them translated into visual form!

• One of my favorite YouTubers, as I’ve mentioned before, is Greg of How to Drink, and he’s been doing a lot of Q&A livestreams these past few months. This recent one hit me right in the feels – it’s basically a 90-minute lecture where Greg discusses his mental health and his history in freelancing and odd jobs, and advises viewers on getting out of their shitty employment situations and starting up their passion projects. I could not look away for basically the entire duration of this video. What a charismatic man.

 

Products

• My chronic pain has been pretty much constant lately, and often pretty debilitating, resulting in lessened productivity and efficiency – so I allocated some of my book advance funds toward buying a refurbished iPad mini. I remembered hearing that Esmé Wang apparently wrote her entire last book, The Collected Schizophrenias (which is a literal work of genius), on an iPad, because her chronic illness causes fatigue and weakness that can make it difficult to sit up for long stretches. So far, the iPad, paired with a bright turquoise Adonit Mark stylus, has been a great tool for me for both work and leisure.

• I really need to write a post here about decadent loungewear in the time of COVID-19, because I’ve stepped up my lounge game quite significantly these past few months… My most recent acquisition was a black modal long-sleeved hooded onesie from MeUndies (clicking that link will apparently get you 20% off if you want anything from them). It’s currently a bit too warm here to wear it, but I’m so looking forward to spending cozy autumn days swathed in soft modal from head to toe.

• The vintage-inspired, elegantly simple Coach Rambler bag was on sale recently so I ordered one in the “hibiscus” color. I’m not normally much for small handbags but this one is actually kind of the perfect fashionable vessel for the coronavirus era… It has room enough for my wallet, sunglasses, hand sanitizer, and a book or journal, but doesn’t need to be large enough for my laptop because I’m still not going anywhere outside the home to get work done. (*cries softly into my cup of shitty instant coffee from the pantry*)

• I bought this citrus juicer a while back, solely because it was bright yellow and the other options available were boring, but my cocktail-savvy partner later told me this one is particularly good for people with strength/grip issues in their hands, like me – score! When Matt went home this month after being my live-in bartender (and, y’know, temporarily live-in beloved partner) for 4 months, it felt really empowering and uplifting to be able to make my own cocktails, even relatively complex ones. (If you’re curious about makin’ drankz, this Bartender’s Choice app is Matt’s recommendation and makes it really easy to not only find drink recipes to make but also learn about their histories.)

 

Work & Appearances

• This month on the Dildorks, we discussed conversational skills (twice), how my chronic pain interacts with sex and kink, and how Bex’s ADHD affects his dating life. Did you know next week is our TWO-HUNDREDTH EPISODE?!?

• In my newsletter, I wrote about temperature play involving ice cubes, how long-distance relationships make me feel about my body, why the iPad mini is the best device to watch porn on, being “enough” even when I don’t feel like enough, and slapping my partner’s cock until they came.

• As mentioned, I really loved the movie Palm Springs – and on one random energetic evening this month, I felt inspired to write a piece of sexy fanfiction about it, which is only the 3rd piece of fic for this movie on the entirety of AO3 as far as I can tell. I hope people write more! I sure might…

• Andy Shauf released a couple of new songs this month that were cut from his concept album The Neon Skyline, which is about a recently-dumped sadsack of a man trying to get over his ex by drinking his troubles away at a Parkdale diner with his pals. One of these B-sides, “Jeremy’s Wedding,” seems to be about the almost universally awkward experience of having to attend a wedding where your most painful ex is also a guest. I learned it on the ukulele and covered it on YouTube.

 

Good Causes

• Immigration has been, as I’m sure you know, a hot-button issue throughout the term of the current fascist and racist American president. An organization doing great work in this area is the Black Alliance for Just Immigration, which, in their own words, “educates and engages African American and Black immigrant communities to organize and advocate for racial, social and economic justice.”

• The Black Legal Action Center provides free legal assistance for low-income Black residents of Ontario, where I live. What with all the protests against police brutality lately – which, as you’ve likely seen, are infuriatingly being literally beaten down with yet more police brutality – tons of folks are getting arrested and jailed on very little basis, if any, so this is a timely cause to contribute to. (But let’s be real: given the disproportionate rates at which the legal system targets Black folks, this is always a timely cause.)

• I am thinking so much about how the pandemic and its fallout will affect the arts industries, and yeesh, y’all – it ain’t lookin’ good. The Black Art Futures Fund gives out grants “promoting the elevation and preservation of Black arts & culture” and runs largely on donations.

• Want to support a burgeoning Black-owned business? Wendy is starting a magical bath biz and could use your dollars and signal-boosts.

• My friend Sugarcunt, a fellow sex writer (and honestly one of the funniest and kindest humans I’ve ever met), is raising rent funds so they can avoid getting evicted.