we-vibe

12 Days of Girly Juice 2019: 9 Best New Sex Toys

Kate Sloan

Ah, sex toys. What would I ever do without them? (Answer: have unsatisfying orgasms and a worse relationship with my body, probably.)

I like to reflect at year’s end on my favorite newly-acquired sex toys of the year. Whether you’re reading this looking for gift recommendations (for a loved one or yourself!) or just out of curiosity, I hope you’ll find something of interest here!

 

9. Zumio S (available at SheVibe)

This teensy oscillating vibe is an updated version of the previous Zumio, and this time around, it’s designed to be more suitable for folks with ultra-sensitive clits. The whole Zumio line is more intense and pinpoint than I tend to prefer, so they’re never gonna be nightstand staples for me, but I like this one for forced orgasm play or when I’m in the mood to overwhelm myself with sensation.

 

8. We-Vibe Moxie (available at SheVibe and the Smitten Kitten)

We-Vibe’s one of the few companies I would trust to make a decent panty vibe, considering how often toys in that genre tend to be total garbage. The Moxie is, by contrast, a treasure: strong, rumbly, well-designed, and cute as hell. I wish the Bluetooth functionality was a little more reliable, but for my money, if you need a discreet vibe to wear in your underwear for public play or just to liven up a visit to the grocery store, this is the best one you’ll find.

 

7. Honour Steel Dragon Claw (available from Honour)

I requested this on a whim and it’s gotten more use than I ever expected it to. Dubbed “the weird scratchy thing” in my household, this elegant, ergonomic metal claw is great for sensation play, and the hefty handle can even be used for impact. It’s rare these days for me to encounter a type of toy I’ve never tried before, so this was a refreshing product to get my kinky little hands on.

 

6. Uberrime Jellyfish (available at SheVibe)

My vagina’s not a texture fiend, unlike those of some of my sex toy reviewer friends, so I wasn’t expecting to love this veiny, ridgy dildo. However, Uberrime did a brilliant thing by making this toy in a gorgeously soft and pliable silicone, which makes the extreme texture much easier for me to handle. Despite its obvious unreality, when I squeeze on this dildo, it feels weirdly… cock-like? #DildoMagic!

 

5. Bodywand Midnight (available at SheVibe)

I’m verrrry skeptical of new wand vibrators – hell, new vibrators in general – because so many of them are atrocious or just boring. Bodywand’s been making good stuff for ages, though (along with a fair amount of so-so stuff), so I figured this all-black electric wand of theirs would be worth a shot, and it was! I love the precise control offered by the dial, and the just-rumbly-enough vibrations topped off with some satisfying buzz.

 

4. KinkLab vampire gloves (available at Spectrum Boutique)

(Content note for this one: blood!) Okay, these are technically my partner’s, not mine. (We do intend to eventually combine our sex toy collections, however, if you know what I’m sayin’.) But they have come into contact with my blood, which – as risk-aware blood-play aficionados know – means that they now must be reserved only for use with me, for hygiene reasons. Vampire gloves are leather gloves with little metal spikes pointing out of the fingers and thumb; you can use them for scratchy sensation play, extra-intense impact play, and various other activities. These ones are well-constructed and super sexy, and I’ve enjoyed every scene we’ve done with them.

 

3. Dame Kip (available at SheVibe)

I love a cute, travel-friendly vibe! This one hasn’t quite edged out my other long-time faves, like the Tango, but I like it very much – it has a good motor and its design is well thought-out. The sunny yellow color makes me smile, too!

 

2. Vixen Creations Bandit (available at SheVibe)

Realistic dildos can seem a bit boring when contrasted with all the neon-colored dongs and ridged dragon dicks on the market, but sometimes classics are classics for a reason. This one has gotten a ton of use for me, mostly because it’s long enough to hit my A-spot and squishy enough not to ram my cervix into oblivion. Good job, Vixen.

 

1. Weal & Breech purpleheart mallet (commission your own from Weal & Breech)

This was an anniversary gift from my partner, custom-made for us by the utter geniuses at Weal & Breech, and it’s hands-down my favorite impact toy I’ve ever owned. It’s the thuddiest thing ever, feels and looks elegant as hell, and totally intrigues every kinky friend of mine who sees it. It’s a treasured possession, the kind of thing I would save in a fire alongside my computer and old journals. Get your hands on one if you love thuddy impact!

 

What were your favorite sex toys of the year?

Review: We-Vibe Moxie

Kate Sloan

Sex toy companies have been trying to make a decent “panty vibe” seemingly since the dawn of time. I don’t know why so many toymakers seem to think that a wearable, Bluetooth-controllable vibrator is the height of fun and sexiness, but they do. So they keep trying, even though many such efforts turn out abysmal.

In my time, I’ve tried the FixSation, the Wake-Up Vibe, the Lelo Noa, and various iterations of the We-Vibe. This category of toy is, at best, mildly amusing, and at worst, uncomfortable and embarrassing. The problem with wearable vibrators is that you generally need to do stuff to vibrators to make them work well for your body – hold them in just the right position, flick through the speeds or patterns, maybe move them around – and wearable vibrators seek to eliminate all that stuff, which (for many people, I’d guess, and for me) isn’t possible without severely compromising on pleasure.

But they keep on tryin’, don’t they?

We-Vibe’s latest offering in this category is the Moxie, a mint-green panty vibe. Here’s what makes it special: the vibe itself goes inside your underwear, as you’d expect, but you anchor it in place with a separate magnetic piece that goes on the outside of your underwear. It’s a fairly strong magnet, so you can basically secure the vibe wherever you want on your vulva – good news for those of us who find that other wearable vibes don’t quite line up with our anatomy, or our preferred vibration placement.

As is par for the course with We-Vibe, the motor in the Moxie is top-notch. It’s rumbly, strong, and offers just enough speeds and patterns. This motor is definitely powerful enough that I could get off with it, though, for reasons outlined below, I haven’t.

The major difference between the Moxie and the We-Vibe Sync, shape-wise, is that the Moxie is only external and has no insertable portion. For this reason, the main difference in how they feel is that the Sync puts pressure on your clit, while the Moxie does not. You can adjust the hinges on the Sync to make the toy fit more tightly or more loosely, depending on the amount of pressure you prefer; with the Moxie, however, any clitoral pressure will have to be provided from the outside, whether by you squeezing your thighs together, physically pressing your hand against the toy, grinding against a partner, or however you want to do that.

A lot of people have been asking me to weigh in on whether the Moxie is worth the $129 price tag, and I think the crux of that question is whether or not you need pressure on your clit. If you don’t, and light vibration on your bits is all you need – and/or if you don’t like penetration – the Moxie will probably work just fine. But if you want penetration and/or you need pressure on your clit, you should get the Sync instead. It works almost identically but will suit you better.

Both toys can be controlled either with an included remote, with the one button on the toy itself, or with We-Vibe’s We-Connect app. My partner and I prefer the app, because it gives you the most granular and intuitive control over the vibrations. But, as ever, the technology’s not quite as good as I wish it was. The vibrator disconnects from the app a lot, and there’s often a delay between adjusting modes on-screen and feeling them change on your bits. After a night out using the Moxie surreptitiously at a cocktail bar, my fastidious Sir announced, “This app isn’t precise enough for my dominance.” He hath spoken.

There is an app called Oui-Vibe which is not strictly We-Vibe-sanctioned, through which you can also control their toys if you want to. The gas-pedal-esque motion is more intuitive than adjusting speeds with your finger on a screen, though the interface is often incomprehensible and there’s still connection issues to contend with.

While I don’t think I would ever have an orgasm with the We-Vibe Moxie unless I was physically pressing it against myself, I do think it’s probably the best “panty vibe” on the market. The motor is eons better than this type of toy usually has, the controls are easy to figure out, and the magnetic clip keeps the toy in place. If you really, really want a vibe you can wear in your underwear and perhaps use in public, the Moxie and Sync are the ones I would recommend. As for me, I’ll be in my bed, kicking back with my Magic Wand.

 

Thanks to We-Vibe for sending me this product to review!

Monthly Faves: Cocksucking & Caretaking

Kate Sloan

May was a nice month! Here are some of the sexy things I’ve been enjoying lately…

Sex toys

• We-Vibe sent me their new product, the Moxie, a panty vibe that attaches to your underwear with a magnetic clip. It’s an ingenious concept and I’m looking forward to testing it out in both long-distance and local encounters with my partner!

• I’m super enamored with the Bodywand Midnight plug-in massager, which Bodywand sent me this month. Full review to come, but for now, I’ll say: give me more vibrators that have a dial rather than buttons! It makes a huge difference!

• My partner acquired a Fun Factory Manta – one of the best-reviewed penis vibrators on the market right now – and I enjoyed using it on him during a blowjob. He seemed to love it a lot. I imagine it feels a bit like what I would feel if there was enough real estate on my clit to fit both a rumbly vibrator and a mouth, i.e. pretty great.

Fantasy fodder

• Sometimes being extra depressed gives me even more caretaking-related fantasies than I normally have… like my Sir bringing me soup, petting my hair, and later going down on me, all part of taking care of his little girl. 😍

• I’ve been working on an erotica story to submit to an anthology, and it’s about velvet fetish, so I’ve been thinking about all the various ways one could work velvet into one’s sex life. Currently I’d love to get fucked on top of a velvet blanket, or while wearing a velvet slip.

• This amateur cunnilingus clip continues to be a fave. Dat technique, tho.

Sexcetera

• I guested on the A Touch of Flavor podcast, answering some questions about DD/lg. It was a fun time!

• If you’ve ever wanted to see me give a blowjob, you’re in luck… I have a new scene on MakeLoveNotPorn that depicts just that. (I asked Bex – who curated the scene – whether his gagging phobia kicked in at the parts where I gagged on dat dick, but he said it didn’t bother him as much as it usually would because he knows I’m into gagging in that context and it’s even kinda romantic for me. Aww.)

• This month in my newsletter, I wrote about polyamory and introversion, hookup culture and responsive desire, some sexy memories from my Montreal trip, and the romance of being trampled. Subscribe, why don’tcha?

• Sextistics: this month I had in-person sex 10 times and phone sex 19 times, totaling 29 sessions.

Femme stuff

• I bought a new pair of Lotta from Stockholm clogs; I already had yellow ones and navy ones so this time I got red ones. These remain my favorite summertime shoes – they’re cute and comfortable, able to straddle the line between casual and fancy. Love you, Lotta!

• I’ve been leaning hard on my sample of Euphorium Brooklyn’s Suédois perfume lately. Containing notes of sandalwood, spiced suede, wildflower, raspberry, and Bavarian cream, it’s a gorgeously androgynous scent that always lifts my mood.

• Shout-out to the sensuality of napping in a sundress in the afternoon with the window open. I mean. Can you even imagine anything more luxurious and relaxing. Bonus points for a delicate little eye mask to keep the light out.

Media

• This month I got to read an advance copy of Jessica Pan’s new book, Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come, which is about a shy introvert’s attempt to live like an extrovert for a year. I found it howlingly funny and deeply relatable, as a total introvert myself.

• I’ve been reading Dr. Liz Powell’s book on non-monogamy, Building Open Relationships. It’s an absolutely invaluable resource for anyone exploring non-monogamy of any kind, and I’m loving it so far!

• I’m entering a full-blown Queer Eye obsession. Late to the party, for sure, but damn, what an uplifting show. It’s been in heavy rotation for me along with The Adventure Zone when I need to cheer up.

• Raven Kaldera’s anthology on submissives with mental illness, Broken Toys, is full of useful tips for both mentally ill subs and their dominants. I think a lot of you would find it illuminating and validating!

Little things

Planning layouts for my new room. Perfect margaritas at Northwood and Founder Bar (and introducing my friends to new cocktail bars). Singing Nick Jonas at karaoke. Being interviewed by smart people who know their shit. Working on a secret project with Brent. My extremely sex-positive psychologist. My new computer case and keyboard cover in my signature colors. Playing sweet ‘n’ sexy ukulele tunes at Bed Post. Going to see Next to Normal by myself from the very back row. Solo dinner dates. Trading sex toys for booze and 420 on Bunz. Gregory Prest. Gender-neutral bathrooms at the Bad Dog Theatre. Hello from the Magic Tavern. Long, lazy afternoons spent simply getting high and having sex. Listening to Hippo Campus and the Softies on rainy days.

Monthly Faves: Steel Wands & Sweet Words

Kate Sloan

Hope you had a pleasantly scary Halloween! Here are some things I enjoyed in October…

Sex toys

• We-Vibe sent me their Anniversary Collection and I adore it. It contains updated (and sparkly!) versions of two of their best vibes, the Tango and the Sync. The included case works for both storage and charging, and makes this duo super travel-friendly – always an important consideration for someone in a long-distance relationship like me.

• I’ve owned my Njoy Pure Wand for years but it deserves just as much revere now as it did when I first bought it. Truly, if you like intense G-spot or prostate stimulation, there is nothing better. Also, adorably, my partner bought his own recently, so sometimes we each separately use ours while having phone sex. Aww.

• Speaking of Njoy: I feel like I mention the Eleven every five seconds on this blog, but like… seeeeriously… it is quite good. It’s also integral to the story of how my Sir and I met (our first contact of any kind was him tweeting a link to my own Eleven review at me) so it’s, um, very romantic when he pounds me with it.

Fantasy fodder

• At one point this month, my partner – an actual living kink genius – sent me the following text: “What if the We-Vibe Anniversary Collection was actually sent to you as a medical device to treat your obvious hysteria symptoms, and you have to call in and speak to a doctor over the phone who can supervise your treatment by controlling the device and monitoring your progress?” We did a “hysteria hotline” roleplay over the phone that night – not a new thing for us, but the inclusion of the remotely controllable We-Vibe Sync was a new element of it – and it was so hottttt, helpppp.

• My monthly writing assignment for my Sir involved making some recommendations of porn and erotica for him, and one of my selections was a Sherlock fanfiction story where John has a hypnosis kink and Sherlock takes it upon himself to play with this newfound knowledge. I have a long-standing weakness for subby-John/dommy-Sherlock stories, and this one paints a particularly excellent picture of what trance feels like and why it can be so hot.

• Still giggling over this story: in a cab ride back from a Halloween party, I told my Sir I desperately had to pee, and he (jokingly?) suggested we do a watersports scene upon arriving back at our hotel. I told him he wouldn’t be able to get all his clothes off fast enough to account for the urgency of the situation, and he was basically like, “Try me.” Once we were in our room, he shed his clothes faster than I’ve ever seen him do it, and laid down in the shower for me before I was even half out of my dress. While my emotions in the moment were a mix of anguish and amusement, in retrospect it was a surprisingly hot experience; unbridled enthusiasm from a sexual partner often is.

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I read my review of the teddy bear vibrator at the Bed Post variety show. I reviewed my favorite band’s new album, while meditating on depression, toxic masculinity, and men’s inner lives. (Please check out the album; it’s divine.) On our podcast, Bex and I discussed sex education, roleplay, polyamory myths, and fear play, and I interviewed my pal Dick Wound about knives, death, sweat, and all kinds of weird shit.

• Excited to announce I’ll be teaching/speaking/reading at this year’s Naked Heart festival! It’s coming up soon; grab your pass online, or you can get tickets to individual sessions at the door.

• Hey, thanks for the outpouring of love when my Sir decided to come out as my Sir! We were both thrilled and relieved that the reaction was so positive. Taking this risk together made me feel even more in love with him and even safer in this wonderful relationship, which was already one of the best ones I’ve ever been in.

Femme stuff

• I got my legs waxed for the first time this month! Actually, it was my first time getting anything waxed. My technician asked me if I had a decent pain tolerance, and I was like, “Uhhh… Yeah.” It wasn’t too bad at all, and I had silky-smooth legs for a little while. Would do again!

• If you’re in the centre of the Venn diagram composed of “people who like spooky things” and “people who live in Toronto or are familiar with historical Toronto landmarks,” you probably need this “Honest Dead’s” shirt. Every time I wear it (in Toronto, at least), I inevitably get asked multiple times where it’s from.

• As I told you on Monday, I have a new collar! I want to give an extra shout-out to Tal at L’Amour-Propre for being so accommodating of our special request vis-à-vis material. Tal is the actual best and I highly recommend their products!

Media

• Pinegrove’s new album Skylight is gorgeous (with caveats about the lead singer’s problematic behavior). The refrain of the title track – “Whatever you’re feeling is alright… Whatever you’re feeling is natural” – felt particularly needed.

• I read a lot of books this month, and their common theme seemed to be “shitty men interfering with brilliant women.” Sigh. What else is new. All of them were good, though: The Wife is about a woman who decides to stop giving her husband a free pass to be terrible after decades of marriage; The Real Lolita is the tale of the pedophilic kidnapping that supposedly inspired Nabokov’s masterpiece; Our Kind of Cruelty is about an obsessive love that turns into a sick delusion; and Gone Girl is about… well, if you’ve never heard of Gone Girl, you should really watch the movie and/or read the book, stat.

• My Sir recommended we watch some of James Acaster’s comedy specials together this month and we loved them. What a strange man with a strange sense of humor.

Little things

Eating chicken noodle soup while paging through The Science of Orgasm. Getting slightly better at rejecting creeps when necessary. Interviews with articulate, generous kinksters. Thigh bruises from sweet and loving impact scenes with my Sir over the phone. Seeing Dick get a lap dance at a sex club (OMG) and then hanging out in a hot tub with Lav. When autocorrect knows me too well. Max telling me stories from touring with his band (“I don’t feel too good…”). Kissing Sir in between songs at a Hippo Campus concert and keeping my hand in his hoodie pocket. Knowing he still loves me even though he made me laugh while I was eating a French fry and standing over him so I accidentally spat some potato onto his jeans (“CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, little one!!”). Autumn daiquiris. A literally perfect truffle risotto at the NoMad (and also truffle mac and cheese the night before; give me all the truffles). Boys in bowties. Phrenology skulls (the best creepy decor!). Watching horror movies with my family. Attending a Halloween party with some of my favorite goofs. Feeling like part of a community.

Mini Reviews: We-Vibe Pivot, Icicles #69, & Weal & Breech Nipple Clamps

Kate Sloan

Oops, I let my toy review pile overflow again. Here’s a few mini ones squished together!

We-Vibe Pivot (available at SheVibe)

I am always looking for a vibrating cock ring that will actually get me off, which I realize is sort of a pipe dream. There are people more sensitive than I, so I’m led to believe, who are havin’ orgasms left and right with these things – but I’ve never gotten off that way. Not ever. Not even once, in my entire sexual career.

But the beautiful and rechargeable We-Vibe Pivot comes the closest of any I’ve tried, which sounds like faint praise but is actually pretty significant. We-Vibe is known for (among other things) their rumbly motors, and since the problem with most vibrating cock rings is their laughably buzzy vibrations, this one is a step in the right direction.

I also like that the motor is housed in a broad, slightly jutting, squarish shape at the top of the ring, allowing it to make contact with my clit more consistently during PIV sex. Like most toys of this sort, this one basically requires small, deep thrusts if you want to keep the vibrating part on the receptive partner’s clit, but fortunately for me, that’s how I like to be fucked anyway. My inability (so far) to reach orgasm with this toy is not the fault of the toy, but more related to my own anxieties about “taking too long” to come during PIV sex, and the relative rarity of PIV in my sex life compared to other acts which get me off much more reliably.

I’ve tried this ring with two different penis-wielding partners and both reported it was comfortable if perhaps a little tight (keeping in mind that restrictiveness is part of the point of cock rings). If you’re of above-average girth, you might need the assistance of lube to get this ring onto your junk. The silicone has some stretch but is firmer than I’d generally expect from a cock ring, so keep that in mind.

If you’ve always liked the idea of vibrating cock rings but hated them in practice, the We-Vibe Pivot is the one I’d recommend. It’s quite a bit pricier than your typical watch-battery, jelly-rubber cock ring, but it’ll also last you longer and quite possibly actually feel good instead of numbing your genitals.

Icicles No. 69 (available at Betty’s Toy Box)

I requested this because it looked like a potentially great A-spot toy – and at a decent price point, no less!

However, it sort of misses the mark on that front. The bigger end can sort of slide up into my A-spot if I angle it just right, but then the small amount of toy left for me to use as a “handle” is awkwardly short and curves away from me, so I can’t easily thrust hard and fast the way I prefer.

The smaller end, meanwhile, is too sharply curved to be a good A-spotter – though it does hit my G-spot with aplomb. I’m not into narrow, pinpointed G-spot stimulation – I prefer mine bigger and broader – but if you like the sensation of one or two fingers stroking your G-spot, you might like the roughly equivalent-sized small end of this dildo too.

The other reason this dildo won’t become a bedside staple of mine? All that texture on the shaft. I don’t mind the sensation of it, but it doesn’t really add to my experience, and it’s also a nightmare to clean.

If you want an A-spotty dildo for under $50, I think the Icicles No. 5, Ruse D Thang (used upside-down), and Blue Wave look like good contenders. I wanted to like the Icicles No. 69 but it’s just not quite what I wanted it to be.

Weal & Breech nipple clamps (available at Come As You Are)

I had my eye on these for a long time, and then when W&B came out with some in purpleheart wood, I knew I had to snap them up. They’re quite unlike any other nipple clamps I’ve ever seen: they’re made of two slats of wood which screw together with brass fittings. They open up pretty wide, so you can fit nipples big and small into them, as well as potentially a clit or even the head of a cock. (Be careful!)

The inner surfaces of the wood are cross-hatched, which helps them stay in place once they’re on. I’ve had slippage issues with lots of other clamps, but not with these.

It takes a while to get them on and off, because you have to unscrew the fittings, position your nipple between the wood slats, and then screw the fittings closed again. I love this element of anticipation when doing sadomasochistic scenes, but if you like your nipple pain quick ‘n’ dirty, you’d probably prefer regular ol’ alligator-style nipple clamps.

When using these, I have to be careful not to pinch my skin between the brass and the wood, because that hurts, and not in the fun way. That’s usually as easy as gently prying my flesh away from the brass screw while I’m putting the clamps on.

One thing I miss from other clamps, that these lack, is a string or chain connecting the two. It can be fun to tug on the connector between two clamps during a scene, for a random jolt of pain. However, if you wanted, you could attach your own string or chain to these; they just don’t come with one.

I notice that I have to re-tighten these clamps every few minutes to maintain the high levels of pain I want from them, and I’m not sure if that’s because the clamps are slowly loosening or my pain tolerance is just increasing over time. Either way, it’s not a huge deal. I tell partners about this issue before letting them use these clamps on me for the first time, and they usually remember to readjust every few minutes – especially if they’re sadistic and like seeing my grimace of pain when they do this!

Overall, I love these clamps. They’re unusual, beautiful, and extremely painful. All the best qualities for nipple clamps to have!

Thanks to SheVibe and Betty’s Toy Box for sending me the first two toys. I bought the clamps myself.