I recently received a Valentine’s-themed “care package” from a sex toy company I sometimes work with. Among its contents was a bottle of Shunga chocolate body paint, an “aphrodisiac” product made for the type of light food-play often recommended by Cosmopolitan et al. (Do vanilla people know that when they smear each other with whipped cream like these magazines suggest, they are engaging in sploshing?!)
I’m not exactly a food-play aficionado (I think the closest I’ve come to a sploshing scene, other than that one cakesitting party, was the time I ate an M&M that had become fused to my skin after I accidentally had sex on top of it), but when my friend Dick joked on Twitter that he’d happily try out this “body paint” on top of some ice cream, a lightbulb went on over my head: why not make a cocktail with this stuff?
I happened to have a smoky scotch on hand (Johnnie Walker Red is my fave at a low price point, and I wouldn’t dare mix something as pricey as, say, Laphroaig with a cheap-ass sex sauce), and thought the peppery flavor would go well with chocolate. I threw in some ginger bitters to round out the spicy flavor profile, although I bet this would also be delicious with orange or chocolate bitters. I didn’t add a garnish because I didn’t have any (FOR SHAME), but an orange peel – or even a little chocolate truffle skewered on a cocktail pick – would be excellent here.
An important note: as far as I can tell, this body paint – like other “edible” “novelty” sex items of its ilk – is not officially meant for consumption, and has not undergone the rigorous safety testing it would legally have to if it were advertised as a food product. I’ve been sipping this drink for a few minutes and haven’t died yet, but… partake at your own risk, okay?
With that out of the way, here’s the cocktail recipe I came up with, The Choc-Block (which is, yes, a tongue-in-cheek cockblocking reference in the name of this drink made with an… “aphrodisiac” product):
- 2 oz smoky scotch, e.g. Johnnie Walker Red Label
- 0.5 oz Shunga chocolate body paint (or 1/3 oz if you want it less sweet)
- 2-4 dashes Dillon’s ginger bitters
Mix well over ice (like, seriously, mix well – the chocolate is viscous and takes some time to incorporate). Strain into a glass over a big ice cube. Garnish if desired.
To my tongue, this drink mostly just tastes like a slightly mellower, sweeter version of the scotch I already enjoy. I might return to this recipe in the future if I want something boozy without the burn, or if I’m just looking for a refreshing dessert-y nightcap.
By the way, Shunga didn’t sponsor this post… I am just a fucking weirdo who likes to do strange stuff like this. I hope you enjoy this bev if you decide to make it yourself!