Author: Kate Sloan

10 Ways to Make a Blowjob Kinky

Kate Sloan

Blowjobs are gleefully discussed and pontificated upon in all sorts of vanilla sex media, from Cosmopolitan to the Sunday Night Sex Show. However, that doesn’t mean they’re a strictly vanilla activity. Like most sex acts, BJs are as kinky as you choose to make them.

That said, sometimes kinkifying a sexual activity is easier said than done… so here are 10 suggestions for ways to infuse a little D/s or fetishistic fun into your next blowjob. (And to be clear, these work just as well for strap-on BJs as they do for sucking bio-cock!)

1. Dirty talk. This is one of the easiest ways to bring a kinky narrative into your blowjob. As the giver, whenever your mouth isn’t full, you can talk about how good your partner’s cock tastes, what a desperate slut you are for them, how much you enjoy serving them (or controlling them), and so on. As the receiver, you can spin stories about the purpose of the blowjob (is it a punishment? a privilege?) and who you imagine your partner to be in relation to you (your good girl/boy? your tormentor? your slave?). A raunchy monologue or dialogue is a fantastic way to keep your erotic imagination as engaged as your body is.

2. Hair-pulling. Sharply tugging someone’s hair at the root will certainly get their attention, and may also enable you to guide their head where you want it. It adds elements of sadomasochism and control to your blowjob, without a ton of effort required.

3. Distraction play. It’s tons of fun to use your mouth to try to distract someone from a task, like writing, playing piano, or reading aloud from a book. (“Hysterical Literature,” anyone?) Some people like to do this in riskier situations, like while the receiver is on a business phone call, but I think that crosses into “involving non-consenting parties in your play” territory. You can certainly pretend to do that, though!

4. Sensory deprivation. It’s even easier to focus on the sensations in your mouth when your other senses are limited in some way. This may involve a blindfold, noise-canceling headphones, or both. As an added benefit, this may be particularly relaxing for receivers who are insecure about how they look or sound while being sucked off.

5. Bondage. Try cuffing the giver’s hands together behind their back; it makes a blowjob instantly kinkier and more difficult. You could also try strapping them to a bed and fucking their face, if they’re into that (see below), though that’s an advanced-level move that should only be undertaken by confident experts! As for the receiver, they can be immobilized in various fun ways too, with cuffs or rope, making them helpless and unable to do anything but feel the sensations being bestowed upon them.

6. Deepthroating. This nifty move is a staple of the blowjob porn genre, and for good reason: it’s a dramatic, impressive party trick that can also feel really good, so I’m told. Depending on the dynamics at play, deepthroating someone’s cock could either be a submissive act of service, designed to please them by taking them as deep as you physically can, or an act of dominance through mastery, controlling them by giving them pleasure with your sheer competence. Either way, it’s a fun skill to learn and practice. Check out these “7 Essential Tips to Help You Deep Throat Without Gagging” for more on this.

7. Facefucking. Once you’ve mastered the art of deepthroating, you may be able to take things even further by getting your face fucked. This act can look violent and scary from the outside, but then, so can a lot of kinks. Always start slow, and make sure the two of you agree in advance on a “safe-signal”: a gesture or action the “facefuckee” can do if they need the “facefucker” to stop immediately. Some common options include tapping or slapping your partner’s thigh, shaking your head back and forth repeatedly, or dropping a small object you’ve been holding.

8. Roleplay. There are all sorts of different characters and archetypes you could project onto a blowjob to make it more illicit and hot. The roleplay can last the length of the BJ, or it could be a whole extended scene that culminates in oral sex. In either case, playing a role can help both partners release their inhibitions and find new ways to enjoy this tried-and-true sex act. Some popular relationships to roleplay include teacher/student, doctor/patient (or doctor/nurse), boss/secretary, masseuse/client, and sex worker/client – but you can be as creative and original as you like!

9. Hypnosis. This requires a special skillset, of course, but it’s not as hard to learn as you might think – pick up a copy of Mark Wiseman’s book Mind Play and you’ll soon be equipped to start hypnotizing people in sexy and consent-conscious ways. You could trance a BJ-giver into having a more sexually sensitive tongue or throat, being totally focused on the service task they’re performing, or becoming more and more deeply mesmerized the deeper they take the cock into their mouth. Likewise, you could give the BJ-receiver suggestions that’ll make them feel pleasure more strongly, feel as if they’ve been cuffed to the bed, or sink deeper into trance with every wet stroke of their dick. Hypnokink is magic!

10. Cock-slapping. This always makes me laugh in porn, but when it’s actually happening to you, it can be surprisingly intense! To be clear, I mean the kind of cock-slapping where the BJ-receiver grabs their dick and smacks it against the cheek/lips/face of the person sucking them off – which is delightfully rough and degrading – but you could also actually slap a cock in between oral interludes, if the receiver is into that. For certain kinksters, intermingling pleasure with pain is the fastest route to arousal!

What are your favorite ways to add some kinky flair to a blowjob?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

21 Perfectly Valid Reasons to Have Sex Other Than Sexual Attraction

Kate Sloan

I came out as demisexual recently, and found myself looking back at many of my past sexual experiences through the lens of this new knowledge. It became clear pretty quickly that I haven’t been sexually attracted to all, or even most, of my past sexual partners. But here’s the thing: that’s not necessarily bad!

See, as many asexual and ace-spectrum folks already know, there are plenty of reasons besides sexual attraction that people can and do pursue sex. While many of these people (including me) have no doubt encountered creeps who try to get you to have sex you don’t want, it is possible to want sex even in the absence of sexual attraction. I don’t necessarily advocate or have sex for all of these reasons myself, but here are 21 possible reasons you might like to bang even if you’re not viscerally attracted to the person you’re banging…

1. Pleasure and/or orgasm. I mean, of course. Isn’t this why a lot of people have sex? It feels good. You don’t necessarily have to be super attracted to someone for them to be able to give you pleasure, especially if they’re sexually skilled and/or you’re good at communicating what works for you.

2. Fun. Maybe you’re bored. Maybe you want to let loose. Maybe you just like the “adult playtime” nature of sex. It’s one of the few spaces in adult life where we really get to play around and be goofy!

3. Intimacy. Whether you’re in a relationship, considering a friends-with-benefits arrangement, or just have a crush you want to get closer to, sometimes sex is a way to deepen your emotional connection with someone. Being intimate (in the literal way, not the euphemistic way) is one of life’s great joys.

4. Adventure, exploration, and curiosity. Maybe you’re trying to figure out if you’re ace, and want to give sex a shot just to check. Maybe you suspect you’re kinky but think you won’t know until you try some stuff. Maybe you just like the way sex allows you to explore more parts of your psyche – and of someone else’s.

5. Reproduction. Had to mention it. Perfectly valid. Obviously common.

6. A self-esteem boost. Granted, this practice can get unhealthy fast, particularly if you start over-relying on sex to prop up your self-image – but if you just need to feel better about yourself once in a while, sometimes sex can help with that.

7. Stress relief. Pleasure and orgasm can help relax you after a hard day or take your mind off a difficult experience. They can also help you release your inhibitions, if you’re feeling a little boxed-in lately.

8. Relief from arousal. Look, sometimes your body can feel like it “needs to” get off or you won’t be able to concentrate on anything else. Sex can often relieve that (as can masturbation, natch). Then, once you’re done, you can get back to work, or do whatever else your arousal was making difficult.

9. Pain relief. As this chronic-pain sufferer well knows, the naturally analgesic effects of sex and orgasm can be a godsend at times.

10. To fall asleep. I’ve heard from many aces that they use masturbation basically as a sleeping pill. You can use sex that way too, as long as your prospective partner is okay with you zonking out immediately afterward!

11. Exercise, endorphins, or warmth. Sex (especially the more aerobic varieties) boosts your heart rate, raises your body temp, and gets those sweet sweet endorphins flowing. Yummm.

12. To transgress or make a political statement. It can feel powerful – especially as a queer or kinky person, or someone who’s been socialized to think their sexuality should be kept quiet – to have sex almost as an act of rebellion. Hell yeah.

13. To enjoy kink. You don’t need sex (or sexual attraction) to be part of your kink play if you don’t want it to. There are many ace or ace-spectrum people who derive great joy and fulfilment from kink but don’t necessarily want sex to intermingle with that every time or ever.

14. To nurture and comfort someone. Say your (allosexual) partner’s had a rough day and you know sex reliably cheers them up and de-stresses them. It can be nice to have “sympathy sex” sometimes. (Only if you want to, of course.)

15. To practice or feel competent. When you do something well, sometimes that sense of mastery can be a boon for your mood. Maybe you’re really good at oral sex and want to show that off and feel like a sex genius for a while. Or maybe you just want to practice your sexual skills so you’ll have them under your belt (so to speak) later on when you fuck someone you’re more attracted to.

16. To soothe your heart after a breakup. They do say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else…

17. Money or gifts. Sex work is valid! Sugar babies are valid! Frivolous materialism is valid!

18. Power. There may be situations where sex can procure you a higher standing in a particular social group, or can even get you a better job. I’m not saying I necessarily advocate this, but… it does happen, and I wouldn’t blame you for making that choice.

19. Religion, spirituality, or transcendence. Lots of people access some kind of “God state” through sex, or include it in their spiritual rituals. It can be a way to escape the bounds of yourself and convene with something bigger than you.

20. Gender affirmation. Maybe particular kinds of sex, or sex with particular kinds of people, makes you feel better in your gender or in your body. Totally cool and probably common!

21. Empowerment or reclamation. For some people, it’s powerful to reclaim sex and pleasure after sexual trauma – in your own way and on your own terms. I support you wholeheartedly.

What are some non-attraction-related reasons you like to have sex?

10 Things I Wish I’d Known About Pegging

Kate Sloan

The sex act known as pegging is most often written about, in my experience, by two groups of people: vanilla straight people advising other vanilla straight people on how to do it, and, uh, Dan Savage.

Needless to say, this means that a lot of pegging-related media doesn’t provide a full picture of what pegging actually entails and what can make it hot. So here I am, harnessing (ha!) all my queer, kinky experiences with this act to tell you some stuff I wish I’d known before I ever strapped a dick onto me and pushed it inside a butt. Gather round!

1. Lube, lube everywhere. This should be obvious to anyone who’s ever done any kind of anal play, but, you know, a lot of couples attempting pegging for the first time probably never have! You should drizzle a good, butt-friendly lube all over the dildo you’re using, as well as on the outside of the ass you’ll be penetrating. You really can’t overdo it with lube in this case. Go hard or go home!

2. Positioning aids are your friends. Don’t be a hero: it’s okay to accept help with pegging, even if that help comes from a piece of foam meant to elevate the receptive partner’s ass. My Liberator Jaz is my favorite tool for this; slid underneath my partner’s hips before penetration, it makes insertion a whole lot easier and seems to improve contact between my dildo and their prostate. Plus the outer lining can be zipped off and laundered, always a plus for lube-heavy, potentially messy sex acts.

3. It’s okay to be particular about your cock. Why does queer and trans media know and accept that it’s okay to be picky about which strap-on dicks you’ll use, but so much cis-hetero media describes your choice of strap-on as a logistical consideration more than an important personal decision? Answer: because LGBTQ+ folks are typically more used to using “accessories” during sex, to make the experience both physically and emotionally better, so we have more opinions on said accessories. Anyway, regardless of your sexual orientation or gender, if you’ll be wearing a strap-on, you deserve one that makes you feel great – gender-wise, aesthetics-wise, and otherwise-wise. My cock of choice is a glittery Godemiche Ambit and it makes me happy every time I strap it on.

4. Your choice of harness matters. Again: you are allowed to want to customize your setup; you don’t just have to grab the first velcro-strap harness kit you spot at the sex shop! Obviously there may be financial reasons you’d want to go with something simple, but that doesn’t mean you have to pick an ugly harness that you hate, in the name of practicality. You should feel hot in your harness! My Aslan Jaguar is easy to put on and take off, and it makes me feel (and look) gorgeous.

5. Try on your setup before the crucial moment. Much like I would never advise a teenage boy to try condoms for the first time right before having sex (YIKES), I would strongly suggest you get your harness and dildo properly configured long before you’ll be using them to fuck someone. “Show time” has the potential to be awkward enough already without you struggling to get your leg through the straps and your dildo right-side-up! Try getting into and out of your setup a few times so you know exactly how to do it, and maybe have your preferred dildo already in the harness for faster assembly. You and your partner will thank me!

6. Be careful and pay attention. If you’ve never done anal play before, then I wouldn’t blame you for not knowing this, but: a butt is far more delicate than a vag, so you have to fuck it a bit differently. Certainly don’t just ram it in there. Go slower than you think you need to, watch your partner’s face closely, and ask them a lot of questions for guidance. You might be able to thrust with wild abandon once they’re used to the sensation and you’ve got enough lube in the mix, but for the most part, assume you should slow your roll.

7. “Strap-on sex” is a more inclusive term. What even is “pegging,” anyway? Much like “guyliner,” it’s a term adopted by the cis-het community to soothe toxic concerns about the “unmanliness” of things traditionally understood to be for women and/or queer people. Besides which, the term “pegging” was coined to refer to a woman fucking a man with a strap-on, and that may be a limiting word if you or your partner don’t fit neatly into those gender categories. It’s okay to call it “strap-on sex” – and once you do, you might open yourself up to even more sexual possibilities. (There’s far more you can do with a strapped-on cock than just stick it in an ass!)

8. Non-physical types of pleasure are perfectly valid. Based on the influx of “couples’ vibes” and vibrating strap-on accoutrements, it seems like straight cis people are overly hung up on the idea of both partners receiving pleasure at the same time. Queer folks, by contrast, are often used to “taking turns” during sex, in my experience. While there are a whole lotta bells and whistles you could add to your strap-on setup to make it more pleasurable for the wearer (e.g. a bullet vibe tucked behind the dildo, or a ridged base that rubs against you with every thrust), sometimes it’s also fun to just embrace that a particular sex act won’t be directly pleasurable for you, and that’s okay. After all, your partner can get you off at a different point in the sex session, and taking the emphasis off your own junk will help you focus better on fucking your partner well. And that is its own type of pleasure.

9. It’s not humiliating (unless you want it to be). Pegging is too often depicted (especially in straight porn) as a man submitting to a woman’s will by “letting” her fuck him. It’s often presented as humiliating, emasculating, and painful. Now, I’m extremely perverted and am certainly not going to deny you your kinky dynamic if that makes sex more fun for you, but I want you to know that power play doesn’t have to be a part of your pegging sesh. Things can be totally vanilla and equitable between the two of you – or the receptive partner can even be the dominant one in the scene, as I’ve learned when dommy partners have tugged on my leash to force me to fuck them harder. That said, if “submissive bottom” and “dominant top” is truly your dynamic of choice when it comes to pegging, go right ahead and make that happen!

10. It can be super romantic. I’ve honestly found few sex acts as intimate and connective as pegging. Needing to focus that closely on my partner really points out to me how cute and hot they are, and the trust they put in me by letting me fuck them is an incredible compliment. Though some people wax poetic about “lovemaking” in more traditional forms like penis-in-vagina sex, I’ve felt that gooey emotional closeness more often during pegging than during PIV!

What do you wish someone had told you about pegging before you did it?

11 Ideas for D/s Writing Assignments

Kate Sloan

I’m a writer, an overachiever, and a submissive, so of course I love when my dominant gives me writing assignments. They feel like a task at which I can tangibly succeed – plus, unlike with many other types of scenes, I’ll have the evidence forever if I want to look back at it. Writing tasks have become a major (and majorly satisfying) part of my dynamic with my partner.

That said, we weren’t always as amazing as we are now at coming up with these assignments – so I’ve put together this list you can refer to if you’re similarly strapped for ideas. How many of these have you tried?

Describe a fantasy

This can be one of the most deeply embarrassing things to have to write as a submissive (depending on what type of person you are), so of course, it’s a favorite with dominants! It’s one of the sexiest and most tangible ways for a dominant to gather information about what a submissive wants, making it a highly useful tool in a D/s dynamic. The sub can make lists of their fantasies, write one out as a short erotica story, or use any other framing the dominant desires. This is a great way to unearth some unexplored desires or just expound on some desires you already know you have.

Recap a past encounter

IMO, it’s always fun to hear about sex you’ve had from the other person’s perspective. You get to find out which parts they particularly liked, what turned them on, what they want more of. The sub could write out the events of a past scene, erotica-style, or they could list some favorite past scenes and explain why they enjoyed them so much. You could even do this assignment as a collaborative task, with each of you filling in details of the session as you remember them.

Keep a journal

Some dominants require that their subs keep some kind of diary for them. This could be all-sexy-all-the-time, like a daily log of masturbation or fantasies, but it could also be geared toward making positive changes in the sub’s day-to-day life: they could be required to log their food or exercise if that’s an issue for them (tread carefully!!), keep tabs on the ups and downs of their moods and the factors that influenced them, or make a note every time they do something nice for themselves. Becoming more aware of your patterns is the first step in changing them, and a D/s writing assignment can be a lovely way to achieve that.

Summarize a book

I don’t know about you, but the books I was required to write about when I was in school are the ones that have stuck with me the most. It’s a good way to make information stick in your head. A dominant could assign their submissive a book about kink, sex, relationships, or anything else they want to learn more about, and the submissive could write up a classic essay-style book report, a bullet-point list of things they learned, or any other type of book review the two agree on. (Shout-out to Sinclair and rife for initially introducing me to this idea!)

Keep a to-do list

My partner and I have done this for nearly a year now (wow!) and it’s served us very well. My daily to-do list is kept in a note which I’ve shared with them via the Apple Notes app, which syncs across all our various devices. Particularly in a long-distance relationship, it’s a lovely way to maintain a feeling of connection to each other and involvement in each other’s everyday lives. My dominant can keep tabs on me, see how I’m doing with my tasks, and reward or motivate me accordingly.

Craft an instruction manual

Remember the time my partner made me write directions for giving me multiple orgasms as though I were a literal toy? That was one of the first tasks they assigned me, and it’s still one of my favorites. Especially early in a relationship, the sub might know their body and mind better than their dom does, and requiring them to write an instruction manual is one way to ascertain that information from them without breaking role. They could provide directions for physical skills, like how to give them a nipple orgasm or how to spank them properly, or for more mental/emotional skills, like how to comfort them when they’re depressed or how to best help them relax when life gets stressful.

Research a skill

There may be times in a D/s dynamic when either the submissive or the dominant wants to learn or improve upon a skill, in order to better serve/please their partner. These could be kinky skills, like flogging or bootblacking, or they could be “vanilla” skills, like cooking or cleaning. Either way, it’s fun to have the submissive research the skill and write up their key findings, perhaps including a list of links to more detailed information. (KinkAcademy remains the best place to learn a new BDSM skill, BTW!)

Write lines

While traditionally understood as a punishment, making a submissive write out the same sentence over and over can also be a process of edification and improvement if you approach it that way. For example, if your submissive is chronically self-critical, you could make her write “I am a good, kind, talented, and useful girl” 50 times. That said, it can also be a punishment, as I learned the time I forgot to wear my collar when specifically instructed to and had to write lines and mail the page to my partner as proof. Ooh, how mean!

Help the dominant

My dominant has sometimes required me to put together a report specifically designed to assist them with something – like the time I made some recommendations for androgynous clothing items when they were midway through coming out as non-binary, or the time they asked me to recommend some fragrances I thought they’d like. This is a fun way for a dominant to feel served and catered to, while making their submissive feel useful and needed.

Write a love letter

Love letters are romantic and bonding, and they also help create a tangible record of your romance. I think more people (including vanilla people!) should write love letters, because it’s good for your relationship – and in D/s, you can make this mandatory!

Collaborate creatively

Some of my most satisfying moments with my partner have happened while we’ve been collaborating on something: a song, a podcast, a book. You could do this in-person on paper, or online via the multitude of cloud-based writing tools available, like Google Docs or Evernote. Try retelling the story of your first date together or writing a collaborative poem about your relationship, for example.

 

What are your favorite writing-based tasks you’ve assigned or been assigned in a D/s dynamic?

So… I’m Demisexual!

Kate Sloan

“A demisexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction to another person unless or until they have formed an emotional connection with that person. It’s more commonly seen in, but by no means confined, to romantic relationships. The term demisexual comes from the orientation being ‘halfway between’ sexual and asexual.” -the AVENwiki page on demisexuality

Have you ever heard of demisexuality? Prior to this one, my only post about it was from many years ago, when my boyfriend at the time told me he thought he might be demi. I wrote about it with skepticism, because the premise of it seemed strange to me. You can only become sexually attracted to someone after you have an emotional connection with them? Okay, how is that different from how… many, if not most, people experience attraction?

But in the years since, my own sexuality has shifted and mellowed, and I’ve come to understand that I myself am demisexual. Plot twist!

When that (now ex-)boyfriend came out to me as demi, in struggling to understand his orientation, I asked him, “So when you’re walking down the street, you never see someone you find sexually attractive and would like to have sex with?” and he told me, “No.” I later heard him say to a friend that, while he could appreciate that women other than me were pretty, he didn’t see them as hot; he just “didn’t work that way.”

While my attractions are not as monogamously-focused as that, I’ve come to understand (I think) what he was feeling. I used to see people on the street I’d like to fuck, and now I don’t anymore. My desire to have sex with someone is rare and highly contextual. Usually it pops up after a few dates, or a lot of texting, or reading their tweets for months. I have to know their brain and their heart, or my genitals just aren’t interested.

I sometimes wonder – as so many folks on the asexuality spectrum do, when grappling with internalized acephobia – if this orientation is the result of difficult past experiences. While I wouldn’t describe any sexual encounters from my “slutty phase” as traumatic, I do think that all those lackluster hookups with people I barely knew probably had an effect on me. Too often, I basically dissociated during sex from the utter weirdness of banging someone you’re not (yet) attracted to, which meant that not only did I not enjoy the sex, but I wasn’t always able to make it a fun experience for my partners either. Maybe I came to associate “not knowing someone well” with “terrible sex,” or maybe demisexuality crept fluidly and reasonlessly into my sexual orientation as these things are wont to do, or maybe it was a combination of both. Either way, I’m now saddled with the reality of never wanting to fuck someone unless I’m intimately acquainted with, and excited by, their mind.

The only exception to this, in the years and months I’ve been turning over this identity in my mind, is my current partner. I knew after just a few minutes of conversation that I wanted to fuck them. But then again, those minutes of conversation were unusually intimate and cerebral for a first date, and we had already flirted a little in our Twitter DMs. We weren’t starting from zero – and if we had been, I don’t think the date would have ended as wonderfully and lasciviously as it did.

My partner – who is not demi, but understands it well – has pointed out to me what appear to be hints of burgeoning demisexuality in my work and my life. They’ve noticed that when I write about crushes, usually I’m writing about their competence or their words rather than their physicality. They’ve heard me waffle and groan about dates I didn’t want to go on, simply because I hadn’t given myself enough of a chance to become attracted yet. They’ve seen the way I melt moreso from things they do or say than from the way they look, smell, or feel (though those things are great too). It felt validating to have someone confirm to me that my attractions operate a bit differently from the norm, and that the demi label therefore fits.

The other biggest confirmation of this identity, for me, has been the random men on the internet who try to sext with me. Granted, most women don’t respond well to this type of thing in their DMs – but even in contexts where sexting is expected and perhaps even consensual, like Tinder, it leaves me cold if the person on the other side of the screen is a stranger. Even if they’re weaving beautiful sentences backed up by anatomical knowledge, sexual adventurousness, and feminist ideology, I am only ever, at best, mildly interested. But sexting with someone I’ve had hours-long conversations with? That’s a totally different story.

I think that this development directly contributed to me abruptly losing almost all interest in dating apps and hooking up, way back in early 2017. Scouring potential matches’ bios while all but ignoring their photos, and automatically recoiling if they got too sexual too fast, made me all too aware of how different my preferred approach is from what’s being offered on these apps. Even sites traditionally understood to be more personality-focused, like OkCupid, make me feel lost in a sea of “maybes.” How am I supposed to know if I find someone attractive enough to talk to them… if I haven’t already talked to them?!

If and when I ever get over my distaste for dating new people, I think the best approach for me will be to meet up with people IRL as soon as possible if they seem interesting. Maybe that seems counterintuitive, but I’d rather get an attraction simmering ASAP than lead someone on by messaging back and forth for weeks when I’m not even sure if I’m into them.

I’ve also found it helpful to state upfront in my dating bios that I’m looking to date, not hook up. And when it comes to actual dates, I now prefer to schedule them for mid-day – say, coffee or lunch – so that sex isn’t really presented as an option, at least until I know them well enough to know if I want to fuck them. Knowing about these “demisexual life hacks” helps me feel more confident in my ability to rejoin the dating world when I’m ready.

For now, though, I’m predictably really enjoying having consistent sex with two people I know quite well. It’s a demisexual’s (wet) dream.