Beauty & Fashion

Behind the Seams: Fun, Flirty, & Flu-y

Kate Sloan

May 4th, 2018. After a long battle with a bad flu, I was soooo ready to feel pretty again. So I asked my Sir to choose my outfit for a jaunt to the Hart House Theatre to see The Artist & The Pervert, a new documentary about kink educator Mollena Williams and her husband/Master, world-famous composer Georg Friedrich Haas. I wanted to feel kinky and sophisticated, and this outfit totally fit the bill.

I have a long and storied history with this dress. It’s the American Apparel figure skater dress, which I already own in a few different colorways. Years ago, before American Apparel closed, I tried on this dress but ultimately opted not to buy it, because the price tag was a little steep for the broke-ass university student I was at that time. But then I lived in regret, particularly once AA went bankrupt, and tried to buy one on eBay. The seller ghosted me, however, and I had to file for a refund through Paypal. Finally, years later, I found the dress in my size in another eBay shop, and now it is mine. Hallelujah.

What I’m wearing:
• Hair in braids, because Sir said so
• Maybelline Matte Ink liquid lipstick in “Pioneer”
• Black American Apparel figure skater dress – secondhand on eBay
• Silver L’Amour-Propre heart lock engraved with “Daddy’s,” worn on a repurposed chain (Sir has me wear this sometimes as basically a fancier alternative to my collar)
• Black tights
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• (Not pictured) Black leather jacket (this day brought one of the blusteriest windstorms Toronto has seen in a long time!)

May 6th, 2018. Still feverish and flu-y, I nonetheless trekked out into the world to attend my aunt’s birthday party uptown. It was a small, cozy get-together with crackers and cheese and fondue and Sondheim nerdery and good storytelling.

At one point, an older family member asked me if I was wearing Toronto Maple Leafs socks, and I narrowly avoided explaining that no, actually they were from a BDSM-themed coffee shop in Minneapolis. (This side of the family is relatively kink-friendly – there are even openly queer and kinky people among their ranks – but it was still a family event! I still, for example, opted not to wear my collar, even though it would have matched.)

P.S. This skirt is pretty close to perfect, and I’m sure I’ll be wearing it a lot this spring and summer. The fabric is soft and flowy, the cut is flattering and simple, and it even has POCKETS! Shout-out to the rare piece of women’s clothing that is both cute and functional.

What I’m wearing:
• Hair in little pigtail-buns
• Royal blue T-shirt – American Apparel
• Black high-waisted A-line skirt – ASOS
• Blue and white striped knee-high athletic socks – Leather & Latte in Minneapolis (my favorite memory from this place is that someone walked in and asked the barista at the counter, “Is the Mistress in?” – unfortunately she wasn’t, but wow, what a question)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Coach Mercer satchel in “Cloud”

May 8th, 2018. I often wear this Dildorks shirt on days when I have to edit a podcast episode. It’s super uncool, like wearing a band T-shirt to see that band play – or, indeed, like emblazoning your chest with an illustration of your own face – but whatever, it makes me happy. And I don’t think most people even realize it’s me when they see it.

I wore this out to a favorite local coffee shop to edit the podcast, work on some blog posts, and do some thoughtful navel-gazing in my journal. What else is new, right?

What I’m wearing:
• Dildorks logo baseball-style shirt – Zazzle (art by Amy, who is the best)
• Black and white polka-dotted skater skirt – ASOS
• Striped socks – the Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Revlon Ultra HD matte lip color in “Obsession” (such a pretty, springy pink!)

What recent outfits of yours have made your heart sing?

Behind the Seams: Slutty Seductress + Glamorous Grampa

Kate Sloan

March 24th, 2018. I wore this to a party my friend Suz threw to celebrate the overhaul and relaunch of her blog. The event description said, “Kinky, queer, fetish wear, glitter, and extra outfits are highly encouraged!” so I decided to get real slutty.

I bought this dress at Forever 21 in early 2016 and couldn’t believe such a mainstream store was selling such an overtly fetishistic item. However, then Bex pointed out that I may have been wearing it backwards… and, as it turned out, they were right. The corsetry is supposed to go up the back, instead of being essentially a cleavage window. But fuck that: I do what I want!

The party was a good time: we danced to ’90s pop, drank cocktails, talked about sex research, watched porn being projected on a giant screen, ate cupcakes with penises and vulvas on them, and debated the merits of various sex toys. Suz really knows how to throw a shindig!

What I’m wearing:
• Hair in braided high pigtails (the Baby Spice vibez are TOO good; I need to do this more often)
• Tight black lace-up dress – Forever 21
• Skin-tone pantyhose – probably Shoppers Drugmart (bought to wear to a wedding last year)
• Black leather Frye engineer boots
• Silver “Daddy’s” heart-shaped padlock – a gift from my love, custom-made by L’Amour-Propre, worn on a chain from a silver key necklace I got on Canal Street in 2006

April 15th, 2018. When I put this on, I looked at myself in the mirror and decided I looked like a glamorous grampa. It’s quite an aesthetic!

This is, IMO, the ideal outfit for schlepping through a foot of snow to a local café on a lazy Sunday afternoon, sipping a latte, and reading a trippy award-winning novel for a few hours, which is exactly what I did. I also journaled about the top-10 most memorable sexual experiences of my life thus far, because what else would a sex writer do on her day off?

What I’m wearing:
• Maybelline SuperStay Matte Ink liquid lipstick in “Pioneer” (it stayed on admirably and didn’t even mark the mug I drank from – impressive!)
• White J. Crew men’s T-shirt – a gift from my boyfriend; he wore it under an impeccable navy suit on our second date and, the next morning, told me I could keep it, a gesture I predictably reacted to by clutching it against my nose and bursting into tears
• Berry-pink merino wool V-neck cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Black leather Frye engineer boots
• Coach Mercer satchel in a color called “Cloud” – one of the few fancy treats I bought when I briefly had a sugar daddy last year
• Montale “Aoud Lime” perfume (obsessed – it’s like a little kick of springtime, which, on this absurdly wintry mid-April day, felt necessary)

April 24th, 2018. I wore this to perform in the Bed Post variety show at the Super Wonder Gallery. I’ve been on the bill at Bed Post a couple times before and it’s always a hoot: the host, Erin Pim, is a whip-smart driven fox, and she always picks such funny, talented, magnetic people for her show’s lineup. It was an honor to be invited back!

I played 3 sexy and/or kinky songs of mine: “Compliance,” “Casual,” and “A Nerd Like You.” Then I settled in with a whiskey on the rocks to watch the other acts, including adorable comedian Emily Bilton and burlesque bombshell Zyra Lee Vanity. Such a fun evening!

What I’m wearing:
• A navy blue smoky eye and red lipstick
• Hair in braided pigtails because Sir said so
• Blue L’Amour-Propre collar, also because Sir said so
• “It’s Magic” T-shirt – Pen and Kink
• Navy high-waisted skirt – Old Navy
• Navy tights – Hue
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• (Not pictured) Leather jacket for that rock-star edge

A Bespoke Signature Scent From My Love

Kate Sloan
Photo via Stephen Dirkes

I often joke-without-joking that, at 26, I’m not an adult yet and I don’t know when I will be. True, I’ve reached certain milestones I associate with adulthood – living away from home, having a stable job, making to-do lists with boring things on them like “submit tax forms” and “take out the recycling” – but, in many ways, I still think of myself as a child. For all the Adult Benchmarks I’ve crossed off my list, there are many more I have not – like owning a set of glassware, getting a driver’s license, and, until recently, having a signature scent.

That last one happened quite recently, in fact. You see, for my birthday, my boyfriend commissioned perfumer Stephen Dirkes of Euphorium Brooklyn to make me my own custom fragrance. (Cue swoony girlish screaming.)

My love was mysterious about it throughout the entire process. “I met with a guy named Stephen today about your birthday gift,” he told me a few weeks before I was to turn 26. “He says the timeline is tight, but he thinks we can make it work.”

The following week, he updated me: “Today I did a bunch of research and sent Stephen a lot of what I learned. Hopefully it’ll be useful.” I was mystified. What did he have up his sleeve?!

Finally, a few days before my birthday, my beau arrived in Toronto for a weekend visit. Not long after getting to my apartment and setting down his bags, he told me, “I wanna give you your present now, because I can’t wait any longer.”

At his behest, I put on a blindfold while he rooted through his suitcase for the present, so I wouldn’t see anything until he wanted me to. Then he had me hold my upturned wrists out in front of me, and I felt him spray them with a cold liquid. An unfamiliar scent hit my nostrils, floral and dark and complicated. And then my love took off my blindfold and handed me a bottle of Aimanté.

I practically started hyperventilating as he explained how he had turned an idea into a perfume. He knew someone who had commissioned Stephen Dirkes to make a custom scent, and, knowing about my fragrance proclivities, thought I might like one of my own. (Um, very yes.) So he set up a meeting with Stephen and started collecting information about my scent preferences however he could: searching through old tweets and blog posts, looking up my favorite perfumes to determine which notes they had in common, and pondering how to distill his love for me into a scent.

Scents have been a recurring motif in our relationship, as I’m sure they are in many. Shortly after our first date, I told him the smell of him was still flitting through my memory, and he texted me a link to the cologne he’d been wearing. Since then, he’s decided which perfume I should wear when we’re out together, left me shirts of his to inhale deeply in his absence, sent me flowers to excite my senses during depressed spells, and even kept the occasional pair of my panties to sniff when he misses me. Giving me a unique perfume seemed like a natural evolution of the olfactory flirtation we’d already been engaged in for quite some time.

“The juice” went through a few iterations; my partner brought some rough drafts on sampling cards for me to sniff. The final fragrance is aggressively feminine and sexy, yet quirky – like me. It’s a blend of blood orange, red geranium, balsam, amber, cocoa, patchouli, and vetiver, which reads to me like a peculiar mishmash of notes but which flows together undeniably well when you actually sniff it.

The name, Aimanté, is a French word meaning either “loving” or “magnetic,” depending on context. It’s a nod to how the two of us have often described our attraction as inevitable, ineffable, magnetic. On our second date, yearning to kiss him but not yet allowed, I told him, “I feel like a magnet,” and he said, “I do too.”

The scent itself intrigued me from the first, and has grown on me with every wear. When my darling debuted it on my wrists that day, it struck me as outsized: too loud for li’l old me, bolder and brasher and more beautiful than I have ever felt. But then I thought of something Helena Fitzgerald once wrote in the Dry Down: “Giving someone perfume as a gift is a chance to show them who they are to you,” she theorized, “and receiving perfume as a gift is the opportunity to wear that self as a costume, for brief periods of time to live as the person someone else understands you to be.”

With that in mind, the perfume felt more right to me. It’s like when someone who loves you takes a photo of you and captures a beauty you’ve never been able to see in yourself. I began to feel stirrings of the zaftig confidence evoked by the fragrance, which I know my partner sees in me but which I often can’t see in myself. What an unspeakably powerful gift to give someone.

Like most perfumes, Aimanté goes through an evolution as you wear it. The first few minutes are heady and floral, a burst of ridiculous femininity, like a wealthy woman posing for a portrait in her powder room, clutching a bouquet of geraniums. On me, it fades down gradually, hour by hour, into something sweeter and simpler. The sinful creaminess of the cocoa and vetiver sing at its core, so I can be a brassy broad by day and an elegant femme by night. The truth of me is somewhere between those two extremes – I’m neither totally bold nor totally docile – so I like that my new perfume oscillates between these two types of woman, too.

The idea of having a “signature scent” has long appealed to me, ever since I was rocking Kate by Kate Moss daily in the 10th grade and maybe even before that. But I rarely found a fragrance that resonated enough to make it my go-to. Certain faves have emerged over the years – Varvatos, Tobacco Vanille, Noel au Balcon, and Aoud Lime, to name just a few – but seldom has one endured as the scent I wanted to represent me in others’ minds and memories. None of them felt entirely like “me.” I suppose it took a partner who knows me inside and out to create a scent that really feels, wholly and harmoniously, like the essence of me.

I can’t think of another gift I’ve received that made me feel as seen, as understood, or as loved as this one. And I’m reminded of that deep, fierce love each time I lift my wrist to my nose.

Behind the Seams: Playground Conference Edition

Kate Sloan

February 23rd, 2018. I wore this during the daytime on the first day of the Playground Conference. Later, I would change into a much more salacious dress for the opening plenary, but this one was a good wholesome choice for good wholesome activities, like trekking across town with my suitcase in tow, checking into the hotel, grabbing a quick McDonald’s takeout lunch with Bex, and greeting a bunch of pals I hadn’t seen in ages.

Part of my Playground-specific protocol with my Sir was that he chose which dress I should wear on which day for the duration of the conference. I’d sent him my schedule so he could make informed decisions, and he did so well.

I think this dress is very DD/lg. It’s kind of perfect.

What I’m wearing:
• Hand-me-down Danier leather jacket with a “Pun Slut” pin from L’Amour-Propre (a gift from my love, who understands my heart) and an impact play pin from Kinktionary
• Pink and white heart-print dress – CowCow (their dresses are cheap, slinky, and come in about a billion different prints – would recommend!)
• Pink sparkly Tarina Tarantino heart necklace – vintage on eBay
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Pink lipstick – probably Make Up For Ever Aqua Rouge in “Fuchsia” or Sugarpill lipstick in “Girl Crush,” I’m not sure which
• Recently dyed and cut hair by Paul Taylor at Avalon Hair Design, who’s been doing my hair for at least a decade

February 24th, 2018. The first morning of Playground, I texted my partner a bunch while lying in bed drinking coffee from the in-room Keurig machine, and then slipped into this outfit to go see Kevin Patterson‘s opening keynote, which was excellent.

After that, I attended a session about kink negotiations, bought a fancy impact toy at the Weal & Breech table in the vendors room, eagerly soaked up a session on kink psychology, watched (and adored) Bex’s panel on polyamory and masculinity, and then skipped downstairs to record a live Dildorks episode. Then I went out for dinner with three other introverts who were similarly overwhelmed by the Con Life, which was a blessing because we all sat staring at our phones in silence for most of the meal – exactly what I needed after such a busy day. #IntrovertLyfe!

What I’m wearing:
• Pink and yellow dress featuring strawberry vulvas and banana penises (or, as my Sir called it, “Bananacock and Berrycunt”) – the great Joanna Thangiah, whose shop is always my first stop for sexyweird clothes
• Blue suede collar – L’Amour-Propre (our conference protocol dictated that I wear my collar every time I presented publicly)
• Holographic pink bow barrette – Forever 21
• Blue sparkly star ring – a now-defunct Etsy shop called CBT’s Closet way back in 2008
• Navy blue Funkit Toys Signet ring – a gift from the inimitable Kenton (this is the ultimate sartorial wink to sex toy nerds with a fondness for fingerbanging)
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather Frye harness boots

February 25th, 2018. One more outfit for one more full day of conferencing! First off, I headed to Bex’s informative and hilarious blowjob workshop. Next I attended a brilliant panel about intersectionality and dating, which gave me a lot to think about. Then, me and a bunch of blogger babes grabbed a long, leisurely lunch at Fran’s, complete with boozy milkshakes.

After lunch, I sat in on a session called “Ask a Sadist” and took lots of feverish notes. Then we all attended the closing keynote and said our teary goodbyes. Con life is wild!

What I’m wearing:
• Kaleidoscopic rainbow dress – CowCow (one word of warning about these dresses: the fabric is very, um, nipply, so you’ll probably wanna wear a bra – I usually go braless, but I can’t with these!)
• Pink sparkly Tarina Tarantino heart necklace – vintage on eBay
• Official conference lanyard (oh, the glamour)
• Shiny turquoise hair scrunchie – American Apparel
• Blue sparkly star ring – CBT’s Closet
• Vulva ring, custom-made to look like my actual vulva – Catstache Accessories
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather Frye harness boots

Behind the Seams: Laughs, Leather, & Layers

Kate Sloan

February 15th, 2018. I wore this to go see PotterProv, the monthly Harry Potter-themed improv show at Comedy Bar, with my friend Zoë. It wasn’t really a thematically appropriate outfit – I mean, unless you think Remus Lupin is a daddy dom – but I had just gotten this shirt in the mail and wanted to wear it out.

I often like to get a li’l dressed up when I go see comedy, because comedians and improvisors are so frequently total babes. Plus I’ve dated enough of them that at comedy venues, there is always a real risk of running into exes or people with whom I went on one or two ill-fated Tinder dates… yikes.

What I’m wearing:
• Hair in little pigtail-knots (I started doing these after seeing Caitlin Roberts wear her hair like this; it’s so cute and easy, especially on days when my hair isn’t cooperating)
• Pink lipstick and pink blush
• Pink pavé Tarina Tarantino heart necklace – eBay, after searchin’ and sleuthin’ and biddin’ for a looong time to find this exact one
• “Daddy” tank top – Redbubble
• Pink bralette – Gap
• Black and white polka-dotted skater skirt – ASOS years ago
• Black leggings – H&M
• Pastel rainbow glitter Doc Martens (!!) – ordered from Urban Outfitters back when these were seemingly unavailable anywhere else in Canada and I NEEDED THEM

February 28th, 2018. Leather jackets always give me so many Gender Feelings! I’ve had this one for years and years and I love its blazer-esque simplicity: it looks equally good over dresses or more boyish outfits like this one. I can’t wait for the weather to get a little warmer here so I can start rocking this jacket every day instead of my winter coat that looks like a literal sleeping bag.

I wore this out to a café to work, and then I dropped by my parents’ place to pick up some sex toys that had been delivered there for me (including the Liberator Axis, oooh!).

My boyfriend told me to put my collar on just before I left my apartment because I had a bunch of writing to do and he wanted me to stay focused. What a sweetheart.

What I’m wearing:
• Danier leather jacket – hand-me-down from an older cousin many years ago
• “Pun Slut” pin from L’Amour-Propre and impact play pin from Kinktionary
• Royal blue suede collar from L’Amour-Propre
• Bright yellow Goodbye Honolulu T-shirt – a gift from Max
• Black jeans (a rarity – I loathe wearing pants)! – Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Ye olde giant black nerd glasses – Hakim Optical
• Heart-eyes emoji phone case – Redbubble

March 16th, 2018. The first time my love came to visit me in Toronto, he gave me specific clothing instructions: I was supposed to wear an outfit that would be fun for him to take off me, like unwrapping a present. Now that’s a femme challenge that I’m absolutely up to!

I chose this ensemble lovingly in the days leading up to his arrival, and laid it out on a chair in my bedroom the night before. When I woke up that day, I finished up my morning dayjob work and then slipped into this outfit slowly, methodically, very aware as I slid into each layer that my beautiful boyfriend would be removing it from me in reverse order in just a couple hours. And he did, and it was lovely.

What I’m wearing:
• Blue and black heart-print cardigan – H&M many years ago (I’ve had this since at least 2007!)
• Pink lace slip – vintage via Coldfish on Etsy
• Navy high-waisted A-line skirt – Old Navy years ago (I used to wear this a lot when I wanted to look businessy in journalism school)
• Pink and navy kneesocks – no idea, but they’re cute, eh?
• (Unseen) Pink and purple polka-dotted panties which I later gave to my boyfriend as a gift because he did such a good job getting them wet while I wore them – La Senza, I believe

What’s your favorite outfit you’ve worn recently?