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Review: reMarkable 2

Kate Sloan

I usually review sex toys, but today I’m gonna review a piece of technology that doesn’t go inside me…!

Last month, for my birthday, my partner gave me a reMarkable Essentials Bundle, which contains the reMarkable 2 paper tablet, a black leather folio-style cover for it, and the Marker Plus stylus. I have adored using these products in the ~month that I’ve had them, so I wanted to review ’em here.

 

What is the reMarkable 2?

The reMarkable is a tablet, meant to be used primarily for writing (although you can read stuff on it, too). With the included stylus/pen, you can write directly on the surface of the tablet, and it looks and feels like you’re actually writing on paper. (You can also get a keyboard case for it, if you prefer to type, but I like writing by hand when I can.)

The reMarkable uses E-Ink (electronic ink) technology, like most e-readers, including my beloved Kindle – which means that it consumes much less power than something like an iPad, and causes significantly less eye strain. Looking at an E-Ink screen is basically like looking at the page of a book (or, in this case, a notebook).

A peek at my computer screen when I was working on my Arosum strap-on review – I had the reMarkable app open and was referring to the notes I’d taken during my testing sessions

What do I use the reMarkable for?

In the past, I’ve considered buying myself a portable typing machine, like the Freewrite Traveler, because I liked the idea of distraction-free writing. Although it’s convenient to write blog posts/articles/newsletters directly on my laptop or phone, I get sidetracked by notifications all too often. Even disconnecting my internet and setting my devices to “do not disturb” doesn’t always work, because temptation is high and my willpower is low.

As intriguing as the Freewrite devices are, the author Meg Elison said that it somehow lost a 4,000-word draft of hers, which is just… deeply not okay. There’s no way you can relax into the flow of creativity if you’re constantly panicked about the possibility of your work disappearing into the ether. So, while the limited-edition lemon-yellow Freewrite is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, I’d be hesitant to buy one.

The reMarkable is based on similar principles but is mostly about longhand writing, not typing. Although I do a lot of typing in my day-to-day life, I love writing by hand, and often find that it helps me think more clearly and remember things better (a finding which is backed up by science).

A sampling of things I’ve used the reMarkable for, since getting it:

  • Drafting essays for my newsletter
  • Drafting fanfic chapters
  • Taking notes for reviews while testing sex toys
  • Making packing lists and shopping lists
  • Brainstorming plot points and character details for a novel
  • Taking notes on books and articles I read
  • Doing morning pages
  • Writing lyrics and chord progressions for songs
  • Taking notes during conversations/meetings/interviews

 

Things I love about the reMarkable

  • Writing on this thing actually feels like writing on paper. There’s a subtle scratchiness to the texture, some tactile feedback that you just don’t get when you’re writing on, say, an iPad screen with a stylus or your fingertip.
  • Likewise, the E-Ink display means that it looks like paper, so I don’t get eye strain the way I would if I was hunched over a draft on my laptop for hours. There’s almost no glare from sunlight/lamps/etc.
  • The distraction-free nature of the reMarkable makes a significant impact on how quickly and easily I’m able to get into flow state when writing on it, which ultimately makes my writing better and more enjoyable. The device has internet access, but only uses it for syncing documents. Hallelujah.
  • There’s a feature which allows you to convert handwritten text into typed text, and then export it in various ways, so that you can paste it into whatever you’re using it for (like, say, a blog post reviewing the reMarkable!). My handwriting isn’t super messy but also isn’t always the most clear, and I still find that the reMarkable does a pretty good job of transcribing it, with the exception of sex-related words (see the “things I don’t love” section below for more on that). I usually only have to do minimal editing and formatting before publishing.
  • The pen/stylus is comfortable to hold, attaches magnetically to the side of the device, and is sensitive to pressure and angle, which makes it just as suitable for drawing or calligraphy as it is for writing. There are several different writing implement options you can select on the device; I usually stick with a simple black ballpoint, but you can use different ink shades, and there’s fineliners, pencils, a paintbrush, a calligraphy pen, etc. There’s also an “eraser” on the back of the pen; you can swipe it over segments of writing to delete them.
  • There’s a fantastic selection of page templates you can use, including blank, lined, dotted, grids, checklists, day/week planner spreads, sheet music, etc., each with several variations to choose from. I tend to use blank pages for creative tasks that require loose, expansive thinking, like brainstorming and songwriting, and then I’ll switch to a lined template for essays and articles. Each page of each document can use its own template, too, which is great for bigger projects where I might want to swap back and forth between brainstorming and writing, all within the same document.
  • You can use the select tool to grab text and move it around on the page. I love this feature because I tend to do a lot of editing and reordering while I’m writing, which makes it difficult for me to draft longhand – unless I can manipulate the text like I can on the reMarkable.
  • The reMarkable has a “layers” functionality, like Photoshop. At first, I wasn’t sure what I would use this for, but I’ve found it helpful when making packing lists or other checklists. The list itself goes on the bottommost layer, and then I create another layer on which I check things off. That way, if I need to re-use the list again later (like when packing for my return trip), I can delete the top layer and the checklist will be blanked out, ready to be used again.
  • The organizational system of the reMarkable is simple but effective. It’s easy to use, easy to understand, and easy to find things. Each document is called a “notebook.” Notebooks can be organized into folders, and you can also assign tags to your notebooks to organize them even more. I have a folder for my blog, a folder for newsletters, a folder for songs, etc. On that note, the overall interface of the reMarkable is really simple and pared-down – it’s got the features you need, and very little else, which (again) helps me stay focused on writing.
  • By default, there’s a catch-all notebook called “Quick Sheets,” which is indeed fantastic for when you just need to take a quick note and don’t want to spend the ~20 seconds it takes to create a new notebook, name it, and pick its template. Just tap the Quick Sheets button at the top of the screen and you’ll be taken to a fresh page in the Quick Sheets document. I find this especially useful for creative tasks, because artistic ideas can be very fleeting and so it’s crucial to have tools that can record them quickly.
  • Much like an iPad, the reMarkable allows for swiping and pinching gestures. You can swipe to turn the page, for example, and pinch to zoom out. The device doesn’t respond as smoothly or predictably to these gestures as an iPad or iPhone does, but I wouldn’t really expect it to; that’s the nature of E-Ink.
  • The device has 8 GB of internal storage, which is a lot, for the type of documents it creates. You also get a free year-long subscription to reMarkable’s Connect service when you buy the tablet, which gives you unlimited cloud storage, so you can keep all your documents, not just the ones that fit on the device.
  • Speaking of Connect, it’s a well-implemented cloud service that (in my experience) syncs effortlessly across devices. I love being able to open the reMarkable app on my phone, iPad, or computer and see all the notes I’ve made; it’s super convenient and means that I don’t have to bring the tablet with me everywhere to refer to what’s on it. That being said, if you don’t want to pay reMarkable the (very reasonable) $2.99/month subscription fee after your first year runs out, you can sync via Google Drive, Dropbox, or OneDrive instead.
  • As someone with chronic pain in my arms and hands (not to mention every other part of my body), I often find that writing on the reMarkable is more comfortable/less painful than writing in a real notebook, largely because the stylus requires less pressure so I don’t have to grip it as firmly or press it against the page as hard.
  • The reMarkable is less conspicuous in public than something like the Freewrite, which can garner a lot of stares and questions from strangers, according to Meg Elison. The reMarkable mostly just looks to a casual observer like you’re writing on paper.
  • The battery life is wonderful, as is common for E-Ink devices. I generally need to charge it every 1-2 weeks, depending on how much I’ve been using it. I’ve never had it die while I was out somewhere using it; the battery indicator gives you plenty of warning. I also love that it charges via USB-C, because that’s the same type of cable I use to charge my computer, Kindle, and Switch, so I’ve always got one nearby.

 

Things I don’t love about the reMarkable

  • My most common annoyance with the reMarkable is the way its convert-to-text function handles sex-related words. Much like the autocorrect feature on my iPhone, reMarkable’s text conversion feature gets most words right, but struggles with words like “sex,” “dick,” “fuck,” etc. Just today I imported a newsletter on sex toys and the reMarkable had exclusively transcribed the term as “sec toys,” “see toys,” or “set toys.” This type of verbal filtering would probably be helpful for most users – on the iPhone, I’m sure it’s prevented millions of people from accidentally texting a lewd autocorrected message they didn’t intend – but for people like me, who write sexy stuff, these corrections feel like puritanical censorship, and can make the editing process much more cumbersome.
  • It’s pretty damn expensive, especially if you consider that the iPad isn’t that much pricier but can do a lot more. The Starter Bundle, which comes with just the tablet, the stylus, and a 1-year subscription to the reMarkable’s cloud service, is $449, whereas the fancier Essentials Bundle (which comes with the same stuff + the folio case) is $599. If you want the keyboard case, that’s another $199. You’ll need to replace the stylus’s tip every so often (the company suggests replacing it every 3 to 7 weeks if you use the device every day, which I don’t), but it comes with 9 spare tips; after that, you can order a 25-pack for $39. In addition to all that, reMarkable’s cloud service, Connect, costs $2.99 per month, but you get a free year with your tablet purchase. Needless to say, this all adds up, and I probably never would’ve bought this device for myself unless I had a sudden, unexpected financial windfall, even though I think it’s an excellent invention that justifies its steep price tag.
  • I wish that the device would wake from sleep automatically when you open the folio cover, the way my Kindle does. It’s minorly irritating to have to press the power button every time.
  • It’s a bit odd that the reMarkable offers different ink colors, like blue and red, despite the fact that it doesn’t actually display these colors (it only displays shades of black and grey). You’ll see the colors rendered properly if you view your documents in the reMarkable app on your phone/iPad/computer, but not on the device itself, which is sort of confusing.
  • There’s no backlight. This is mostly a pro, not a con, because this device is supposed to be more paper-like than tablet-like, and the lack o’ backlight dramatically improves the device’s battery life and cuts down on eye strain – but, of course, it means that you can’t easily use this device in low lighting.
  • As an iPad mini user with petite hands, I sometimes wish the reMarkable was smaller, or at least that there was a smaller version available. Currently it’s 9.7″ by 7.4″, which sometimes feels awkwardly large to me when I’m writing on it (especially in bed/on my lap), and doesn’t fit in my small-to-medium-sized purses. But I’m sure most people would love this size, and there are many times when I’m grateful it’s this big because it gives me so much room to write and draw.
  • I wish there was a more secure way of storing the stylus. The magnet on the side of the device is pretty strong, but I’ve had the stylus get knocked off of it a couple times just from me rifling around in my purse, and I’d hate to misplace it, since a replacement would cost $139 (!!). Some kind of pocket or pen loop would be awesome.
  • The “eraser” on the back end of the stylus is a super useful touch, but I often find it’s less precise than I’d prefer. I usually end up erasing some surrounding stuff that I wasn’t intending to erase.
  • The reMarkable is not waterproof – which, I mean, I wouldn’t really expect it to be, but the Kindle is, and it would be nice to someday have a device that allows me to write in the bath without risking ruining a notebook or expensive gadget.

 

Final thoughts

The reMarkable 2 is expensive and excessive, but I am obsessed with it. It makes writing feel more joyful, more absorbing, and more comfortable. It gives me most of the benefits of writing by hand, and most of the benefits of writing digitally, with almost none of the drawbacks usually found in both of those options.

If you love writing by hand, but you find it impractical because you always need to type up what you’ve written afterward, or because you like to do the kind of heavy editing that pen and paper don’t allow for, you’d probably love the reMarkable. If you want to spend more time writing and less time checking your social media and getting distracted by your texts, you’d probably love the reMarkable. If you want a device that can take notes anywhere, and sync them everywhere, you’d probably love the reMarkable.

I’ve taken it to the park to draft smutty fanfic scenes in the sunshine. I’ve scribbled sex toy missives on it at the airport. I’ve kept it beside me in bed, ready to be grabbed at a moment’s notice when I have a sudden idea I need to get down. I love this thing. It has made writing feel fun and easy again, and that’s pretty damn remarkable.

 

This post wasn’t sponsored, I’m just a dork who loves good writing tools.

Review: Arosum QueerBind harness & FlexDong dildo

Kate Sloan

I don’t wear a strap-on all that often, but when I do, I want it to look hot and feel good, for both me and the person I’m fucking. I’ve tried a few different strap-on setups in my life, and tend to stick to what I know – but I was intrigued when sex toy company Arosum asked if they could send me their QueerBind lace-embellished harness and FlexDong vibrating dildo to review. A new harness or dildo can change your strap game entirely, so I was excited to give ’em a shot!

 

Things I like about the QueerBind harness

  • It’s very adjustable, fitting hips from 26″ to 57″ around. My hip measurement is right in the middle of that range, at 42″, so this fit me just fine.
  • Getting into the harness, and adjusting it to fit, is quick and easy compared to some of the more complex designs I’ve tried. The harness also came pre-assembled right out of the box, so I was able to get started with it immediately upon opening it.
  • It comes with 2 different-sized O-rings (1.19″ and 1.57″ in diameter, respectively), which gives you a lot of leeway in what sizes of dildo you can pair with it. You could also swap out these O-rings for some that are even smaller or larger if need be, though you’ll have to buy those separately (I’d recommend the Tantus O-ring set).
  • The nylon straps have basically no stretch, which means that once the harness has been adjusted to fit, it’s pretty stable. The dildo doesn’t bounce around chaotically, the way it sometimes does with harnesses made of stretchy materials, so I get more control when thrusting.
  • The front and back sections of the harness offer a little bit of spongey cushioning, which I found helpful when thrusting. I didn’t have as much pelvic discomfort after using this harness, because the dildo wasn’t able to directly mash into my mons/vulva due to that cushioning.
  • I like the lacy, boudoir-y aesthetic, including the corset-inspired lacing in the back. It won’t be to everyone’s taste, of course, but I appreciate that it’s cute and decorative without sacrificing practicality.
  • Depending on how I adjust the straps and the front part, I can get a decent amount of vulva access, which would allow me to do things like hold a wand vibrator on my clit, or ride a dildo, while fucking my partner. However, I was also able to adjust the harness in such a way that the dildo sits closer to my clit, which allows me to get some clit stim on each thrust – probably not enough to get me off, but then, I’ve never gotten off while strap-on topping.
  • It only costs $37.95! My previous favorite budget harness pick, the briefs-style one from RodeoH, will typically run you $50-60, so I appreciate that the QueerBind is cheaper and nonetheless works really well.

 

Things I don’t like about the QueerBind harness

  • There’s not an easy way to wedge a vibrator into the harness, so that the wearer can enjoy the vibrations while thrusting. A lot of harnesses have a small pocket or sleeve for this purpose, but this one lacks such a feature, and I’d worry about trying to jam a bullet vibe behind the dildo, as it likely wouldn’t stay put for very long, but YMMV. (The FlexDong dildo vibrates, but its vibrations are concentrated in the head, not the base, so the wearer doesn’t feel much.)
  • Naturally, the nylon and polyester material of this harness don’t feel as sexy and smooth as something like leather, but I wouldn’t expect a high-end feel at this price point. I sometimes found that the nylon straps dug into the soft bits of my hips after a while, but it wasn’t that bothersome.
  • I would recommend changing out the O-ring while you’re not wearing the harness. The waist straps of the harness go through slits in the front part of the harness and snap directly onto the O-ring, so whenever I tried to change the O-ring while wearing the harness, the whole thing fell apart on me and had to be reassembled 😂

 

Things I like about the FlexDong dildo

  • Most importantly, it’s got a great curve for G-spot/prostate play. The silicone is moderately squishy/bendy, which should make it more comfortable for most people to use.
  • It vibrates! But you can also use it without the vibration and it works just fine as a dildo. The vibrations are on the buzzy side of the spectrum, but are nonetheless rumbly enough that they feel good to me, rather than annoying. They’re relatively quiet, too, especially when the dildo is inside somebody.
  • On that note, the button to turn the vibration on or off is located near the base of the toy and is helpful as a visual cue to make sure I’ve got the dildo oriented correctly (i.e. so that it curves into the G-spot/prostate).
  • It has a suction-cup base, so if you want to use it separately from the harness, you can do so hands-free!
  • The silicone is matte, and very silky and sexy to the touch. It can get linty/staticky, which I don’t love, but it’s a tradeoff I’m willing to make for how sensual the surface of this toy feels.
  • While I’m not personally wild about the almost Creamsicle-orange color of this toy, I do appreciate that it’s gender-neutral and not a flesh tone. I wish more companies would branch out color-wise in this way. (That being said, obviously if you want a super realistic-looking dildo, this ain’t the one.)
  • It’s waterproof! Yay!

 

Things I don’t like about the FlexDong dildo

  • The rounded head, while it feels great once it’s actually in you, might pose a problem for some people during insertion (especially anal insertion) since it’s not tapered. You may need to warm up with fingers or a smaller toy first.
  • For myself personally, as a receiver, I prefer a firmer dildo than this. I found that the silicone had a bit too much squish/bend to really give my G-spot the pounding it tends to want.
  • I wish the vibrations were rumblier and stronger, and that it wasn’t necessary to cycle through all 10 of the toy’s modes (3 steady modes + 7 patterns) to get back to the beginning.

 

Final thoughts

It’s always nice to have more strap-on options in my arsenal, and the QueerBind harness is a perfectly serviceable option for its reasonable price point. It pairs well with the FlexDong dildo, among others.

My main complaint about this combo is that I wish it were easier for the wearer to get pleasure (or even get off) from fucking someone with it, which is made difficult by the lack of a bullet vibe pocket and the fact that the dildo’s vibrations are concentrated in its head, not its base.

But I’d happily recommend this combo to strap-on newbies, or anyone shopping for a strap on a budget, especially since the harness’s quality exceeds what I’d expect for this price point.

 

Thanks to Arosum for sending me these products to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Nothosaur Graemen fantasy dildo

Kate Sloan

Content note: Some discussion of canine sexuality.

 

Being in the media industry, I frequently receive press releases on topics that have nothing to do with my niche. Usually I just ignore these, but sometimes they’re so incongruous as to make me burst out laughing.

That’s what happened when I received an email from a company that makes dog treats. They wanted me to promote their products on my blog. Yes, this blog. The blog where I write about dildos, lipstick, and spanking. This is not a dog blog. I’ve never even owned a dog. I don’t know anything useful about dogs, nor do my readers expect dog-related content from me. What would I even write? Something about puppy-play kink? Useful kink principles adapted from dog training protocols? The best dog names that also work well as submissive honorifics? Who the fuck knows.

I sent off a reply email to the dog treats company, explaining my apprehension. But then, after hitting “send,” I glanced over at my nightstand, where I keep the toys I’m currently reviewing. There, I saw the Nothosaur Graemen, a dildo specifically designed to look like a canine dick. Oh, I thought. I guess I do write about dogs sometimes…

Anyway, this toy is lovely, and I am much more qualified to write about dildos than about dog treats, so let’s dive right in.

 

Custom size & color

The thing I love most about Nothosaur toys is the extent to which you can customize a toy to your specifications. They let me pick whatever toy I wanted (!!), so I spent far too long perusing their entire website. I eventually landed on the Graemen because I’ve been curious about these dog-inspired dildos before (for reasons I’ll get into below) but haven’t found one I’ve really loved.

Like many Nothosaur toys, the Graemen is available in five different sizes, ranging from small (3.93″ useable length x 1.44″ knot diameter) to XXL (8.07″ x 2.93″). I went with the large size, which is right in the middle: it has a useable length of 6.10″, a head diameter of 1.29″, and a knot diameter of 2.14″.

I chose the “Night Blue” colorway, which is gorgeous: the balls and base of the dick are a deep blue, while the shaft is more of a cyan shade. I love blue, so this color combo makes me really happy. That being said, you can also get this dildo made in pretty much whatever color(s) you want.

 

Firmness

Many Nothosaur toys allow you to customize the firmness of the silicone they use when making it, as well. The Graemen is only listed as being available in medium-firmness silicone, though I imagine they might be willing to custom-make one in a different firmness if you reached out to them. Nothosaur has this absolutely awesome firmness guide on their website, which features several gifs demonstrating the different firmness options, and should be helpful for anyone trying to figure out which option to go with.

Like I said, my Graemen is technically “medium” firmness, but I’d say it’s softer/squishier than that makes it sound. I’m used to using silicone dildos that are quite a bit firmer, like those made by Tantus or Uberrime. Even dual-density silicone, the likes of which is found in VixSkin dildos, tends to have a core that is significantly firmer than my Graemen.

I generally prefer dildos on the firmer side – hence my long-standing love of glass and steel toys – but I was actually glad this one was softer, because I think the shape of it would’ve felt too extreme if it was firm. When I’m aroused enough to take the whole length of this toy’s shaft, the knot fits into me easily with a bit of lube, because of how soft and squishy it is. This results in a less intense orgasm for me, because my muscles don’t encounter much resistance during the rhythmic contractions at that time, but it makes the dildo much more comfortable and adaptable to my body for the entire rest of the session before that, so it’s a trade-off I’m happy to make some of the time.

 

[chanting] dog dick dog dick DOG DICK

Okay, technically the Graemen is supposed to be the dick of a human/wolf hybrid, not a dog. But that’s still a canine. Sort of.

If you don’t know, dogs “knot” when they mate, meaning that a section near the base of their dick swells up, locking them into place for the duration of insemination. (Sorry, I’m trying to write about this in the least gross way possible without also writing dog erotica. Being a sex writer is a hell of a ride!!)

As I’ve told you before, the concept of knotting appeals to me in fantasy when applied to humans – and I’m not alone in that, as evidenced by the huge number of people reading and writing “omegaverse” fanfiction, in which knotting is a frequent feature. The idea of your own biology “forcing” you to complete the sexual act is hot to me, in a consensual-non-consent kind of way.

But also, the knot on this dildo serves a practical purpose: once it’s inside my vaginal opening, it kind of “locks in place,” making it easier for the dildo to stay deep inside me even when I’m not physically holding it there. This is great when I’m watching porn or reading erotica, or when my hands are in too much pain to keep a good grip on the base of the toy.

 

All about that A-spot stim

This dildo has a pointed tip that makes it suitable for hitting my A-spot. It doesn’t feel as intense on that spot as something firmer would, but because it’s so soft and squishy, it causes my cervix much less pain/discomfort than firmer toys can. I often have to skip A-spot stimulation at the height of my period, for instance, because my cervix gets too sensitive and angry to tolerate much poking around up there – and a dildo like this one is a great workaround at that time, because it’s so forgiving that my cervix doesn’t get mad.

 

Balls!!!

Dildos with balls are controversial. I know people who hate ’em; I know people who love ’em. Personally, I never really cared much either way until I developed fibromyalgia, at which point holding sex toys became more challenging for me at times, due to pain and muscle weakness. As a result, I appreciate toys with proper “handles” much more now than I used to, and honestly, balls can be handles. (My apologies to the testicled among you, who may be cupping your crotch protectively upon reading that. I promise I will not yank your scrotum unless you ask me to.)

The “handle” of this dildo is particularly great because it’s got some texture on it (seemingly meant to emulate wolf pubes), which enables me to keep a better grip on it even when my hands are covered in lube.

 

Final thoughts

Some orgasms feel like (the pleasurable equivalent of) getting punched in the stomach; they knock the wind out of you and are so intense they almost hurt. Orgasms with the Nothosaur Graemen are not like that for me, because the material is so squishy; they’re more like a nice hug from a friend, comforting and cozy. I can get down with that sometimes, for sure.

I’m really impressed with the broad range of products Nothosaur offers, and the customization you can do on nearly any toy in their catalogue. I mean, hell, if you like the look of the Graemen but you want it with a cum tube, they’ve got you covered. This is a company that really lets you take control of your own pleasure, and I think that’s neat.

Knotted dildos aren’t a frequent craving for me, but when I’m in the mood to use one, this is the one I’ll reach for. It’s beautiful-looking, feels great in my hand and in my cunt, and is fun to squeeze. I mean, I’ve been playing with it like a stress ball at my desk intermittently while writing this review… and honestly? I do feel less stressed than I did before!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write an honest and fair review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: EdenFantasys Wonder air-pulse wand massager

Kate Sloan

Vibrators that attempt to multi-task are really hit-or-miss, I have found. Sometimes they’re a chaotic mess, their motor failing under the weight of an overstuffed feature list. And sometimes, they’re well-engineered works of art, proof that their designers’ ambitiousness has paid off.

The EdenFantasys Wonder is… a secret third thing, somehow. Let’s discuss.

 

What is the EdenFantasys Wonder?

I asked EdenFantasys to send me this toy to review because I’d never seen another one quite like it.

It’s ostensibly a wand vibrator, except that embedded in the head of the wand is a pressure-wave nozzle, the likes of which you’d find on a Womanizer-type toy. The toy’s instructions call it “membrane pulsation,” because this technology causes a thin silicone membrane to quickly rumble back and forth, creating suction within the toy’s “mouth.”

However, the “mouth” or nozzle itself is just a silicone attachment that goes over the head of the “wand” and can be removed. If you use the pulsation function without this attachment on, you get pure unadulterated rumbling against your clit (or wherever).

The “handle” of the toy is actually a vibrator, suitable for vaginal insertion (I wouldn’t call this toy anal-safe because it doesn’t have a flared base). The vibration in the handle can be controlled independently from the pulsation in the head.

 

Pulsation membrane (right) and optional attachment that goes over it (left)

Things I like about this toy

  • My clit really digs the pulsation function! It’s rumbly, satisfying, and decently strong. It reminds me of the low-to-middling settings of the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen, except the membrane is smaller and flatter than the PulsePlate on the Pulse Queen, so it doesn’t target my clit quite as effectively. As with most thumping/tapping toys of this kind, the Wonder’s pulsation slows down a bit when you apply pressure, but this one actually isn’t too egregious in that regard at all. I think I’d be able to reach orgasm with this pulsation function if only it had more than 3 steady speeds (see below).
  • I think it’s cool and unexpected that this toy comes with an attachment so you can vary the sensations you get from the pulsation function. It feels pretty different with versus without the attachment, and I think I generally prefer it without, as pulsation directly against my clit feels better to me than the tapping/mild suction-esque sensation I get when I use it with the attachment. Having the option to do either is a big plus, though, because it makes this toy even more versatile.
  • The insertable handle actually works really well as a dildo for me. It’s long (about 7″) and has a slight upward curve near the tip, which is the exact shape I always describe when people ask me about toys that can hit the A-spot. It’s also got some ribbed texture along the shaft, which feels good gliding back and forth against my vaginal walls as I thrust. I will say, I don’t like the vibration that the handle offers (more on that below), but when I use it with the vibration turned off, and pair it with another vibrator (or my fingers) on my clit, it feels great.
  • I find this toy refreshingly ergonomic to hold, as someone who struggles with hand pain at times. When I’m using the pulsation function on my clit, the handle fits perfectly in my hand, its ridged texture allowing me to maintain my grip even when my hands are lubey. When I flip it around and use the handle as a dildo inside me, I can place two fingers on either side of the wand’s neck, which gives me a good grip without needing to squeeze too hard (similar to the tiered handle on the dildo I designed). Initially I was a bit annoyed that this toy is shaped like a wand but isn’t a wand in the traditional sense (i.e. the head doesn’t vibrate), but I actually think the wand shape would make it easier for many people to hold and position how they want it.
  • The buttons are LED-lighted, easy to understand, satisfyingly clicky, and are positioned in an intuitive spot on the handle. Seems basic, but you would not believe how many sex toy companies fuck up buttons.
  • It’s waterproof! Hell yes!

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • The main issue is that the handle’s vibration is way too buzzy. Like, uncomfortably so. No matter where I use them – on my clit, inside my vag, even just lightly grazing my labia – the vibrations feel itchy, irritating, and surface-level, because they’re just too buzzy/high-pitched.
  • The pulsation and vibration functions each have 10 settings, only the first 3 of which are steady; after that, you have to cycle through 7 additional patterns to get back to the first setting. If you’ve read my reviews before, you’ve probably heard this rant: IMO, every mechanical toy should have at least 6-8 steady settings, and patterns should always be accessed via a separate button, to prevent the annoyance of having to scroll through all of them to get back to the lowest setting. As is, there just isn’t enough gradation or variety between the 3 steady speeds of either function for me to smoothly build toward orgasm with it.
  • I ultimately don’t feel like either function is powerful enough to get me off by itself. Again, it would’ve been awesome if the company had prioritized having a wider range of steady speeds (including some stronger ones), rather than adding more patterns.

 

Final thoughts

As a multi-tasker vibe, the EdenFantasys Wonder has a lot going for it – its pulsation function is pleasurable and unusual, the inclusion of an optional attachment widens the possibilities of how this toy can feel in use, and its insertable handle makes it even more versatile somehow.

At $64.99 (at time of writing), I think the Wonder is reasonably priced for the amount of functions it has. I just wish it were more powerful, had more settings, and had rumblier vibration in the handle. One thing I know for sure: it’s not like any wand I’ve tried before, which I guess is what makes it such a Wonder.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen

Kate Sloan

I haven’t loved a new sex toy this much in a long time.

A long, LONG time.

Here’s how much I love this toy: I’ve barely used my Eroscillator since I got it. The Eroscillator is my all-time favorite sex toy, and is the vibe I normally use during at least 80% of my sex and masturbation sessions, because it gives me incredible orgasms unlike I’ve ever had with another toy.

Until the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen.

 

One of Hot Octopuss’s classic penis vibes. Image via the company.

What is the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen? + some nerdy shit about sex toy history

Amongst sex toy geeks like myself, Hot Octopuss is primarily known for its penis vibrators, like the Pulse Solo Essential and the Pulse III Duo. These wrap around the penis and stimulate the frenulum. There are two main reasons these are notable: their motors are very fucking good (rumbly, strong, a range of settings), and they can be used whether your dick is hard or soft. This last point makes them more accessible than most penis toys for people with erectile dysfunction, and even for people with spinal cord injuries.

Hot Octopuss’s Pulse line uses a proprietary technology called PulsePlate, which offers “powerful, high-amplitude oscillations” rather than traditional vibration. Apparently the founder decided to develop this technology upon reading a study about penile vibration being used to elicit ejaculation in men with a spinal cord injury. The researchers found that “high-amplitude” vibrators were the most effective for triggering ejaculation, but the vibrator they used was a medical tool designed specifically for this purpose. Hot Octopuss decided to make a consumer product that could do the same thing.

“High-amplitude” means that the vibrator moves a wider distance on each rotation, rather than just buzzing in place – so basically, the sensation is more “rumbly” than a standard vibrator, and feels like it goes deeper than surface-level.

Naturally, since the penis and the clitoris are analogous to one another, it makes total sense that these oscillations would feel good on vulvas as well as dicks. That said, when Hot Octopuss initially launched a PulsePlate toy for vulvas – the Queen Bee, which I reviewed back in 2017 – it didn’t go well. The toy was too broad and flat to feel impactful on my clit, it weakened significantly when any amount of pressure was applied to it, and was egregiously loud. Other reviewers, like my friends Epiphora and Lilly, had similar grievances.

But the team at Hot Octopuss seems to have gone back to the drawing board after that, and what they came up with is so much better. I asked the company for clarification on the differences; according to them, here are some of the qualities the Pulse Queen ($99 at SheVibe) has, that the Queen Bee did not:

  • The PulsePlate is made of silicone this time (which is body-safe and non-porous), instead of TPE (which is porous)
  • The PulsePlate now has a 4 mm “peak” instead of just being flat, making it better at targeting the clitoris
  • The toy is smaller, lighter, and more ergonomic
  • The design/aesthetic has been updated
  • It’s quieter

One quibble, before we move on to my experience with this toy: Hot Octopuss is marketing the Pulse Queen as a wand, and it’s not really a wand. Wand vibes have a specific shape, functionality, and history as a category. The Pulse Queen is powerful like wands tend to be, sure, but it actually reminds me more of another classic vibe shape that dates back many years like the wand does. I think it’s more like a Wahl – some people say this type of vibe is gun-shaped, some say it’s hairdryer-shaped, but either way, it has a lineage in the vibrator space that you can trace back for decades, and I think that’s pretty cool.

 

Things I love about the Pulse Queen

PulsePlate technology (& killer orgasms): Okay, I won’t bury the lede any more than I already have. This thing makes me come so hard, so reliably, and so satisfyingly. Do you know how rare it is that I can say that about a toy I review? VERY RARE.

It’s all about that PulsePlate. The oscillations really do feel like they get deeper into my body than standard vibrations do. My whole clitoral network feels involved in the arousal and orgasms this toy gives me, from the surface-level parts of my clit to the deeply buried internal parts. I have the type of orgasms with this toy where I can still feel my entire clit pulsing and pleasantly aching for like 20-30 minutes afterward. Usually I only have that kind of orgasm when I use my beloved Eroscillator or an especially rumbly wand.

These oscillations also don’t numb me out like traditional vibrators do, or at least only minimally. This makes it easier for me to have multiple orgasms, since my sensitivity is preserved throughout the session/day. I’m not normally a very multiorgasmic gal, since it can take a lot of work/time for me to get off, but it’s noticeably easier with the Pulse Queen than with standard vibes.

I actually think the Pulse Queen is making me hornier, in that way that sometimes happens with new partners or especially great new sex toys. The way it rumbles my internal clit seems to make me more sensitive and more prone to random arousal during the day. Wild.

Range of intensities & modes: The Pulse Queen has 7 modes (steady oscillation + 6 patterns), each of which has 9 speeds. That’s a lot of variety and versatility.

The patterns are fine. I dunno. They’re patterns. I’m just not that into patterns. But there’s some rhythmic pulsing and some more erratic modes if you want ’em. Personally I just keep the toy on its steady mode.

The first speed is a gentle rumble that’s fantastic for building arousal early on. From there, it moves up in reasonable increments, topping out at a truly impressive, wand-like intensity. At its highest, I would say it’s comparable to the second speed of the Magic Wand Rechargeable (on which I only ever use the first and second speeds). I don’t tend to go past the 6th speed out of 9 on the Pulse Queen, because it’s so rumbly that I just don’t need more power than that.

Pictured with my Switch

Ergonomics & ease of use: I find the Pulse Queen really easy to hold and use, compared to the Queen Bee and many other high-powered vibes. It’s got a slightly curved handle for comfort, and the oscillations don’t conduct into the handle too much. The buttons are easy to locate and press, and I almost never press the wrong one by accident. My hand and wrist don’t get tired when using the Pulse Queen, even if I’m moving it around my vulva a lot during a session. All of these qualities are hard to find in vibes this powerful, so as a vibrator connoisseur with chronic pain and hand strength issues, I’m a big fan of this toy.

Aesthetics: I squealed aloud at my computer when I received the initial press release about the Pulse Queen, because it’s so damn pretty. The turquoise color is one of my absolute favorites – hence having a Nintendo Switch Lite and a duvet cover that are the same color, among other things! – and I love the color-coordinated ombré button panel. It’s all really thoughtfully designed, and it looks gorgeous on my nightstand (or, more often, in my bed, at the ready!).

It’s fully fucking waterproof!!: It’s extremely rare for a vibrator this strong to also be waterproof. I love to jerk off in the bath when I get a chance, but I only have one wand I really love that’s waterproof (the Lelo Smart Wand 2), so usually I end up using smaller toys in the tub instead, like the We-Vibe Tango X. So, needless to say, I’m thrilled that the Pulse Queen is waterproof, and I’m sure it’ll be my bathtime companion on many future occasions.

 

Things I don’t love about the Pulse Queen

Battery life: The product page on the Hot Octopuss website says that the Pulse Queen “lasts for 40 minutes when fully charged – more than enough time for you to enjoy yourself again and again… and again.” It’s a bit strange to brag about a vibrator’s 40-minute battery life, when most rechargeable vibes at this price point will last for 90 minutes or more. I also personally couldn’t reach three orgasms in under 40 minutes as they describe, but hey, that’s me. I will say, however, that I think I’ve used my Pulse Queen for longer than 40 minutes in total without it dying – so maybe that number is based on usage at the highest speed; who knows.

Noise level: While the Pulse Queen definitely isn’t as loud as the Queen Bee was, it’s still loud, especially on the highest speeds. But I would say it’s comparable to the noise output of a standard wand. I live with a sex-positive roommate and (as mentioned) I also tend to use my Pulse Queen at the lower speeds for the most part, so this isn’t a huge issue for me personally, but it’s notable nonetheless.

Cissexism: I know the industry makes it difficult for sex toy companies to market their products successfully without resorting to cissexist terms like “for men” and “for women,” when anatomy-specific terms like “clitoral vibrator” or “penis vibrator” would be more appropriate. That being said, a note on the Hot Octopuss website says, “We are trans-aware and LGBTQ+ friendly. We are always learning,” and there’s even a whole “Sex Toys for Every Body” page on the site meant to help LGBTQ+ customers feel more included and heard. Given their stated commitment to gender-inclusivity, it’s confusing that Hot Octopuss chose to include the gendered term “queen” in the name of another toy when they didn’t have to. It may alienate some trans and nonbinary users who might otherwise enjoy the toy.

 

Final thoughts

The Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen has made me feel excited about masturbation again, in a way I haven’t for a while. The orgasms it gives me are intense, deeply pleasurable, and satisfying, and yet somehow they make me want more.

It remains fascinating to me that the technology used in this toy (and some other Hot Octopuss toys) was developed based on actual medical research. The company refers to its vibrators’ 33-hertz rate as “the pleasure frequency,” and I’m no vibration scientist, but my clit agrees.

At $99, this is a reasonably priced alternative to a wand. You should consider the Pulse Queen if any of the following things are true:

  • You like a lot of power, but have found wands numbing or overstimulating in the past
  • Issues with strength, mobility, or pain have made standard wands difficult for you to use
  • You’ve tried vibrators before, and are curious about what other sensations your body can experience
  • You’ve never used a vibrator before; the Pulse Queen’s oscillations range from mellow to maxed-out, so it’s a good introduction to vibes

I really love this toy, in a way that has made me remember why I started writing about sex toys in the first place. It makes me smile. It makes me moan. It makes me feel fired up for a future where everyone can access pleasure if they want to, regardless of their gender, anatomy, or (dis)ability level.

But most of all, it makes me come really, really hard – and given the relative scarcity of pleasure in our chaotic world right now, I appreciate that more than ever.

 

You can get the Pulse Queen at SheVibe for $99.

 

Thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending me this product! They didn’t pay me to review it. I really do just love it.