Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Acmejoy Excellent Clitoral Sucking & Licking Stimulator

Kate Sloan

Is it just me, or is clitoral suction becoming a more and more popular theme in the worlds of both porn and sex toys lately? I feel like I’ve seen more and more discourse about it, on Reddit, in PornHub comment sections, in sex toy reviews, and so on.

I, for one, welcome this new wave of pro-suction sentiment, because it’s long been assumed (at least by toymakers and by many of the cis-het dudes I’ve hooked up with) that the oral technique preferred by most clits is some form of distanced tongue-flicking, the likes of which you might see in mainstream lesbian porn from the mid-oughts, and that’s just never done much for me. Get your whole face in there or don’t bother.

All this to say, I’m always intrigued by toys like the Acmejoy Excellent Clitoral Sucking & Licking Stimulator, toys which make use of clitoral suction in interesting ways. Let’s get into it…

 

What is the Acmejoy Excellent Clitoral Sucking & Licking Stimulator?

This toy has two functions. One of them, as mentioned, is suction – and I mean literal suction, not the pressure-wave stimulation found in toys by Womanizer, Satisfyer, etc. that can sometimes feel a bit like suction. No, this thing actually encases your clit in a little bell-shaped “mouth” and then sucks air out of the chamber created between your skin and the mouth, similarly to what a clit pump does, only not as intensely.

The other function this toy has is “licking.” There’s a little silicone tongue inside its mouth, which moves up and down rapidly to replicate a tongue-flicking feeling. There are 10 licking modes (3 steady speeds + 7 patterns) and 5 sucking modes (I’ll get into those in more detail below). The two functions can be used on their own or separately.

As with any toy that attempts to feel like oral, you’re gonna want to use a lot of (water-based) lube with this one, or it just won’t feel how it’s meant to feel.

 

Things I like about this toy

  • Well, the main thing to know is that it can actually make me come, a rare quality amongst toys that aim to simulate cunnilingus. I mean, heck, actual cunnilingus can’t consistently get me off, because my clit is a spoiled princess with very particular needs, so I don’t usually expect mechanical simulacrums of the act to be able to get me off either. The suction function’s first mode, which is the only one I enjoy (more on that in the “don’t like” section), feels remarkably similar to when my partner sucks on my clit – it’s a mode in which the suction is briefly increased, then released, at a rhythmic tempo of about 84 beats per minute. This is definitely the main thing that got me off, as the licking function is just okay, not great (for my particular body, anyway), while the suction not only boosts my arousal by pulling more blood into my clit, but also physically strokes it, as the toy’s “mouth” narrows and widens slightly around my clit with every suck. I found that I could get off after just a few minutes of using this toy, provided I found the right angle/placement and paired it with cunnilingus-based fantasies or porn. Yay, orgasms!
  • Each of the toy’s two functions can be controlled separately, which is great because sometimes I want to turn up the intensity of the licking while leaving the suction on the same mode, or vice-versa.
  • The “licking” is cool – the tongue actually physically moves up and down, rather than just vibrating, so it can create a somewhat authentic licking sensation when well-lubed, although it’s way faster than most humans would be able to lick.
  • The variety of licking patterns available is surprisingly good – there are steady rhythms at various paces, and some modes that ramp up gradually in speed. A lot of these modes feel akin to what an actual human might do with their tongue, albeit much more standardized/robotic.
  • The toy is well-shaped and sized – it feels relatively ergonomic to hold and to operate, feels neither too heavy nor insubstantially light, and can easily be held between my thighs if I want to use it hands-free.
  • I love that they chose to go with a large, wide mouth, unlike some pressure-wave toys which have tiny little nozzles that can only fit the tip of a small-to-medium-sized clit. This toy will fit a much wider array of clit sizes than those toys will; I even think it would fit many transmasculine folks’ testosterone-expanded anatomy. Inclusivity is a good thing!
  • At only $34.99, I think this toy is reasonably priced for the quality of its construction and design. It’s one of the least expensive cunnilingus simulators I might actually recommend to a reader or friend.

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • My biggest issue with this toy is that there is only one suction setting that is steadily rhythmic, the way I tend to want my clit sucked. The second mode is just steady, unbroken suction – good for if you are trying to get yourself turned on, or just want to focus on the licking without being distracted by rhythmic suction. The other suction modes are either sporadic/erratic or just way too slow for me to even dream of getting off with. It was frustrating to wish, at levels of high arousal, that there was a faster or firmer rhythmic suction setting to help get me over the edge more easily and more pleasurably.
  • The “tongue” is not positioned where I want it to be positioned. It’s located low in the mouth of the toy, which I guess makes sense because human tongues are located on the bottom of the mouth. But this means that it ends up flicking upward onto the exposed tip of my clit, which is way too sensitive for that kind of treatment, rather than downward onto my clitoral hood, the way I prefer to be stimulated. The tongue is also pretty short, and not angled toward where my clit tends to sit when the mouth is positioned where the suction feels best for me, so there were a lot of times during testing when the tongue wasn’t making contact with my clit at all.
  • When the tongue does make contact with my clit, I find that it slows down significantly when any pressure is applied, sometimes to the point that it feels like it’s stopped completely.
  • There’s an “exhaust” hole on the back of the toy, where the air that’s been sucked out of the mouth is expelled. I asked my Twitter followers if anyone had the physics expertise to comment on this, and they don’t think covering this hole is dangerous to the user – it just seems to weaken the suction and stress out the motor, if anything. But I do find it annoying that the hole is positioned in a place where you could easily accidentally cover it with your fingers while holding the toy.
  • There’s no quick-release button for the suction, which is a safety issue. If I turn the toy off at a moment when the suction is at its height, it just… stays that way… which some people might enjoy in some situations, but which becomes a problem if, say, your toy dies mid-use and you have to figure out how to get it off of you. (Lube could help, but I still think all suction toys should have a manual quick-release button.)
  • Having to cycle through all of a function’s 5-10 modes using only one button is as annoying as it always is, i.e. very.
  • The toy is only IPX5 waterproof, meaning that you can wash it briefly in the sink but can’t take it in the bath. I like bathtub masturbation so this always disappoints me.

 

Final thoughts

When testing this toy, I made the note, “If this was a nicer version of itself, I would use it a lot.” I know that sounds silly – isn’t that true of most toys?! – but what I mean is, this toy gives me a glimpse of what it could feel like if it was designed and engineered better, and I deeply wish that that version of the toy existed, because as-is, it feels just good enough to get me off.

I found that there were simply too many annoyances and issues for me to really feel relaxed while using it, plus I kept wanting to be able to increase the speed or intensity of the suction and then remembering there is only one steadily rhythmic suction mode. It’s like having a partner who’s incredibly good at cunnilingus… except that they can only do it at one moderate speed/intensity and never escalate their efforts as you get closer to coming. Like, yeah, I can get off that way, eventually, but it’s not gonna happen as easily or feel as good.

I would be more than willing to pay upwards of $80 for a toy that did what this toy does, but had more suction modes, a better-placed tongue, a motor that can stand up to pressure, and an exhaust hole that won’t constantly get in my way. Since this toy only costs $35, I’d say that if my description of it intrigued you, and you’re on the more sensitive side of the spectrum, it’d be worth a shot. But it’s just not quite what I wanted it to be… although maybe that’s because I really just wanted it to feel like my partner’s mouth, and I think the technology has still got a long ways to go before that’ll be possible.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Bestvibe Glans 10 Vibration 3 Thrusting Cock Ring Anal Dildo

mb

Note from Kate: Here’s a toy review written by my spouse!

Which is better: being a jack of all trades, or a master of one? There’s a long-running debate in the business world about whether it’s more advantageous to be a career generalist or a specialist. There’s even a buzzword for people who do both: “T-shaped people.” Come to think of it, that sounds a little like the shape of a good butt plug, doesn’t it?

But when it comes to sex toys, most multifunction products disappoint me by doing everything just a bit worse than their single-purpose counterparts, and not making up for it in the combination of their features.

That was my biggest concern when last month, Kate asked me to review the Bestvibe Glans 10 Vibration 3 Thrusting Cock Ring Anal Dildo. That name – what a mouthful (assfull?)!

 

This toy styles itself a 4-in-1, which is a lot of trades to jack off, or rather, to be a jack of. It’s a butt plug, it’s a cock ring, it’s a thruster, and it’s a perineum stimulator – all things I frequently crave on their own but have never tried all at once. So, of course, I agreed to review it. I had to know what this toy would feel like; the combination of a thrusting plug and a cock ring was too hard to pass up.

The Bestvibe Glans (as I nicknamed it) is a 1.7″-thick, 4.5″-long, black silicone butt plug. It’s shaped like an idealized penis with a prominent head, textured neck, and prostate-targeting coronal ridge. The plug’s base extends 6.69 inches (nice) and ends in a 1.3” stretchy cock ring. The IPX6-waterproof toy arrives in a crinkly storage bag with a small battery-powered remote and USB charging cable. The plug takes around 2 hours to charge and can run for an hour or so straight.

Since this toy does four things, I’ll discuss them individually and how they work together.

 

Butt Plug

First and foremost, this toy is a butt plug. And as a butt plug, the Glans is stellar. Its soft silicone, manageable girth, pleasant weight, and flared base made it easy to insert and wear during play. Even covered in plenty of water-based lube, it stayed in place perfectly during my testing sessions, thanks to the rippled base and pronounced tip.

While the plug doesn’t have a prominent curve like an Aneros or Pfun for intense P-spotting, its glans gave my prostate plenty of pressure and pleasure when I squeezed around it, even before I turned the toy on.

 

Animation via Bestvibe

Thruster

But wait, it thrusts! Many of the best thrusters on the market are made for folks with vulvas, so I’ve long been envious of toys that do the thrusting for you, and this toy absolutely fucks.

After turning it on by holding the power button on the toy’s base or the included remote, the toy both vibrates and thrusts. Keyword: “both,” because there’s no way to disable thrusting while it vibrates, or to have it just thrust without the vibration. That’s A-okay with me because the two sensations feel amazing paired together.

As you tap the one button on the toy or the +/− buttons on the remote, the cock springs to life and cycles through its three thrusting speeds, topping out at 100 thrusts per minute. The plug telescopes 0.4” back and forth, which may not sound like a lot, but feels highly satisfying as you feel the base stimulate the anus while the head hits the P-spot. After a while, I could sense how the friction had excited both my prostate and my hole. The drag eventually led to a pleasurable heat that reminded me of getting fucked by a partner with a strap-on.

The downside here is the controls. The only way to change which vibration pattern you’re using is to also increase or decrease the thrusting speed. Independent controls for these two functions would have made it much easier and less frustrating to use. It sucks to loop all the way around and get fucked too fast or slow just to switch up the vibration.

 

Cock Ring

Oh, right, it’s also a cock ring. The ring has a 1.3” diameter with no adjustability other than stretch. While it’s impossible to make a cock ring that will fit all bodies, I think adjustability is important because dicks come in all shapes and sizes and even can vary in girth and firmness by the day.

I typically use cock rings for a few reasons: to increase the hardness and sensitivity of my erections, to make my orgasms stronger, and to last longer while penetrating. This cock ring worked well to increase sensitivity but wasn’t as good at boosting firmness as harder rings with tighter fits, and I don’t think it’d help me with stamina because of all that anal stimulation.

While the manufacturer suggests slipping the ring just around the base of the penis, I found I enjoyed it a lot more when I used it how I use most cock rings: around both the penis and the scrotum, which also helped with fit and comfort.

 

Perineum Stimulator

This t’aint it.

This toy’s claimed perineum stimulation amounts to a hilariously tiny section of the connecting silicone covered in a bumpy texture that theoretically rubs against your taint while the toy fucks you. In my testing, no matter how I wore the plug and ring, there was no way this was going to press my perineum, and even if it did, its texture and the vibrations that reached it were far too subtle to provide any noticeable stimulation. My perineum, and the prostate accessible through it, respond best to either deep pressure or sensual stroking, and these tiny ineffectual bumps provide neither. I wish they had just left them out.

 

It’s All Coming Together

The Bestvibe Glans is a great butt plug, a powerful anal thruster and vibrator, and a pretty good cock ring if it fits your dick. But it truly shines when those separate functions work in combination. The plug provides a feeling of fullness, the thruster/vibrator fucks your ass and rubs your P-spot, and as it does, the cock ring tugs on your junk to keep you hard and sensitive for additional stimulation. The blending of all those sensations made it very easy to make myself come with this toy without even needing to touch myself or penetrate anything with my dick, which can feel gender euphoric for me, in addition to just being a fun time.

In addition to trying this toy and having fast, intense orgasms with it as advertised, I also took it for a spin under the dominance of my Keyholder while locked in a chastity cage and forbidden to come. Neither of us was sure if the ring would fit around both the steel cock cage and my balls, but its stretchiness made that a breeze. If you’re into orgasm control and denial, it can be super fun to hand the remote of this toy to your dominant partner and let them fuck you with it while you can’t touch your cock. Not to mention all the other fantasies this toy could enable: a “threesome” where you’re fucked by a hard cock while you use yours to fuck another partner, a dominant who distracts you by remotely rubbing your prostate and keeping you erect while you orally service them, or even as a way to have strap-on sex while you’re all alone or away from your partner.

At less than $50 USD, I strongly recommend this toy to just about anyone with a prostate and a penis who likes them both stimulated simultaneously. The Bestvibe Glans taught me an important lesson: not all multifunction sex toys are bad, and even when their individual parts do have flaws, the combination of different sensations within one object can be a huge benefit all on its own. Fewer things to buy, charge, pack, clean, and coordinate during sex. If you’ll excuse me, I gotta put this thing back to work. I have, uhh, many different jobs for it to do.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning we were paid to write a fair and honest review of the product.

Review: Fun Factory Bootie Fem

Kate Sloan

Fun Factory is one of my all-time favorite sex toy companies. They make cute, colorful toys that generally perform very well, whether we’re talking about a rumbly G-spot vibrator, a harness-ready silicone dildo, or an innovative pulsator.

One of their most recent releases is the Bootie Fem, a butt plug. I’ve been testing it out over the past few weeks and am overall a fan, though I definitely have my quibbles with the product. Let’s talk about it!

 

What is the Fun Factory Bootie Fem?

Fun Factory has a line of “Bootie” butt plugs which I’ve recommended to beginners of all genders and anatomies for many years, because of their newbie-friendly shape and dimensions (depending, of course, on which size you go with). The Bootie Fem is a different product altogether, designed specifically to be worn by people with vaginas. (Could people who don’t have a vagina use it, though? Certainly!)

Its insertable length is 3.35 inches and its diameter tops out at 1.14 inches, so it’s appropriate for beginners but can also be enjoyed by users with more anal experience. (I’m somewhere in the middle – I usually use a butt plug a couple times a month or so, but don’t often do much anal play beyond that.)

 

Things I like about this toy

  • One of the design choices that makes this plug extra suitable for people with vulvas is its asymmetrical base. Butt plugs have to have a flared base in order to be safe to use, but too often, plug bases are too chunky and/or long and end up blocking my vagina so I can’t do double penetration if I want to. On that point, Fun Factory has succeeded here: one side of the base is shorter than the other (though still long enough to be safe to use), and you can orient the plug so that that side is closest to your vagina, minimizing any obstruction of your vaginal opening. Yay, more access to my holes!
  • On that note, the base is also slim and comfortable. I had no issue wearing this plug for a long time, whether sitting on the couch, lying in bed, or walking around. As long as I re-lubricated as needed (which isn’t necessary all that often if you’re using a thicker water-based lube, like my beloved Sutil Rich), it was comfortable for up to 2-3 hours of wear (I didn’t test it for longer sessions than that).
  • The plug stays in place well. I never found that it slipped out, twisted around, etc. like some other plugs can.
  • The dimensions are such that I don’t have to warm up for this toy but it’s still definitely noticeable when it’s inside me (in a good way). I still tend to prefer a slightly larger plug sometimes (my favorite, the medium Njoy Pure Plug, has a 1.25-inch diameter, while the Bootie Fem’s is 1.14 inches), but this one works well for days when my butt is being a little temperamental and I want to err on the side of small.
  • As with many butt plugs, I found that having this one in was helpful in boosting my arousal, and also intensified other sexual sensations, like masturbating clitorally or receiving oral sex. This has a lot to do with my being able to feel every muscular contraction more vividly, due to the presence of the plug.
  • I have mixed feelings on the tulip-esque shape of the plug’s tip (more on that later), but it was designed to act as a “lube channel” and it does a good job of that. Lube tends to stay where I put it, if applied to the tip of the toy. Granted, I’m going to spread it all over the rest of the toy almost immediately after that, because that’s what you gotta do with anal toys, but the tulip lips are helpful in those moments when I’ve still got an open lube bottle in one hand and the plug in the other, and I want to close the lube bottle and set it back down without needing to worry that lube will drip all over me.

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • The name is poorly thought-out. I know naming sex toys isn’t easy, but 1) the Bootie Fem bears very little resemblance to the other Bootie plugs, aside from being a butt plug, and 2) the name implies that all people with vaginas (for whom the plug was designed) are female or feminine-presenting, which just isn’t the case. Trans men exist, non-binary people exist, intersex people exist, and on and on. It’s 2023; we don’t need to be doing this.
  • There’s a Fun Factory logo etched/inlaid into the side of the plug’s neck. There should ideally never be etching or other tiny divots/grooves/seams on the part of a toy that’ll be going inside you, because these design features are hard to clean, usually requiring a small scrub brush, which (realistically) most people are not gonna bust out every time they wash their toy. It could therefore become a breeding ground for bacteria or, at the very least, gross. This is also true of the groove that descends from the tulip tip on either side of the toy, though that’s easier to clean than the logo.
  • While the tulip-like tip of the plug is helpful when I’m applying lube, it’s not always super comfortable during insertion. There’s a reason butt plugs traditionally narrow to a single, slim, tapered tip: your sphincter muscles need insertion to be slow and gradual in order for them to relax and open up, so it makes sense to start with something small. The Bootie Fem’s “double-pronged” tip (for lack of a better word) can feel somewhat pokey and abrasive during insertion, a feeling which sometimes lingers uncomfortably for a few minutes.
  • There’s no particular curve to this toy. It’s supposed to be angled such that anything you insert vaginally (a dick, a dildo, etc.) will be pushed toward your G-spot by the pressure of the plug, but of course this only works if you are inserting something vaginally. I’m generally not, so I prefer a plug with a slight curve that can hit my G-spot through the vaginal wall.
  • I’m not particularly a fan of the colors the Bootie Fem is available in. The one I got is what Rosie Jones would call “sad purple,” and the other option available is a lighter purple.

 

Final thoughts

I’m always interested to see what new stuff Fun Factory’s come up with, and I’m glad to have the Bootie Fem in my collection because it can be tricky to find butt plugs that are comfortable, sized appropriately for my not-particularly-ambitious ass, and won’t block my vag.

However, this toy definitely has its issues – most pressingly, the odd shape, poor logo placement, and cissexist name. I still think the original Bootie can fulfill most people’s butt plug needs, though its logo is also placed in a location that makes no sense, hygiene-wise. But the original Booties at least taper to a single, slim tip, and have a curve that can hit your G-spot or prostate, as the case may be.

 

Thanks to Fun Factory for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Bestvibe Triple Arousal

Kate Sloan

What is the Bestvibe Triple Arousal?

Also known as the Bestvibe Multifunction Clitoral Sucking Licking and G-Spot Vibrator (whew), this toy has three different functions, which can be used individually or in any combination with one another:

  1. Plain ol’ vaginal vibration.
  2. Tapping or pulsing (or, as Bestvibe calls it, “hitting” or “flapping”) that is focused into one small area on the shaft and meant to target the G-spot.
  3. Pressure-wave stimulation (i.e. rhythmic air pulses) focused on the clit, with the addition of a tiny “tongue” inside the toy’s “mouth” to increase the stimulation provided by the pressure waves.

The vibration in the shaft boasts 10 different modes to choose from, while the other two functions each have 5.

Does it live up to its name, by arousing me in three different ways at once? Let’s discuss.

 

Tiny silicone “tongue” inside the toy’s nozzle

Things I like about this toy

  • The G-spot tapping function of this toy is really cool, and not something I’ve seen in many other toys. It reminds me of the “PulsePlate” technology used in some Hot Octopuss toys; it’s not exactly vibration and not exactly thrusting, but instead, a small circular panel on the toy rapidly moves up and down, tapping against your G-spot. In use, this mostly just feels like very rumbly vibration focused in a very small spot. That spot doesn’t always line up perfectly with my G-spot, which is located a bit closer to the vaginal opening than the tapping is, but it’s close enough to still feel very stimulating without giving me that uncomfortable “need-to-pee” sensation I sometimes get with overzealous G-spot toys.
  • The shaft vibration is also pretty decent. It gets buzzier as you turn it up, but I didn’t find it to be overly buzzy in an annoying way, and often it was the extra kick of sensation I needed to make the G-spot tapping feel excellent.
  • I love that you can control all three of the toy’s functions separately; they each have their own button on the side of the toy that you can use to cycle through their settings. This makes your experience with the toy much more customizable, as you can (for example) turn up the clit stimulation while keeping the G-spot stim on low, or vice-versa.
  • The internal arm is sized and shaped well to hit the G-spot and to feel good vaginally even without thrusting (because it would be pretty much impossible to maintain clitoral contact while thrusting this toy). It has a diameter of about 1.5″, so it might require some warm-up and lube depending on what size of penetrative objects you’re used to taking, but I found that it added noticeably to my orgasm intensity by pressing into my G-spot without any effort on my part. Its 5-inch insertable length isn’t quite long enough to hit my A-spot, but I don’t mind because this is such a wonderfully G-spot-focused toy.
  • The ridgey texture on the shaft enables the toy to stay in place better, even if you’re very wet and/or have used a lot of lube. This makes it easier to use this toy hands-free, which I often like to do when watching porn on my phone or reading an erotica book.
  • It’s relatively quiet. Sometimes there’s a bit of a slurpy sound when I’m repositioning the clitoral nozzle, and the vibrations would be louder if they weren’t buried in my vag, but in use it’s generally on the quieter side of the spectrum.
  • It’s IPX6 waterproof, meaning you should be able to wash it in the sink or use it in the shower without issue, but shouldn’t submerge it underwater for long.

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • Most crucially: The clitoral stimulation just doesn’t feel particularly good for me. The toy’s 0.63-inch-wide mouth is too small to envelop much of my clit beyond the very tip, which almost always feels annoying and aggressive to me. The “tongue” inside the toy’s nozzle doesn’t seem to change the sensation much, perhaps making the stimulation feel just slightly harsher on my clit. The toy’s “lips” don’t form much of a seal around my clit – though that could be due to the alignment issues I’ll discuss below – so that whole component of the toy ends up feeling like, at best, not-quite-enough clitoral tapping, or at worst, overly direct and overstimulating to the point of discomfort.
  • While the neck of this toy is bendy, ultimately I found that it isn’t long enough to comfortably stretch the distance between my clit and my vaginal opening. The clitoral portion of the toy tends to land slightly below my clit unless I manually readjust it every so often…
  • …and since it is indeed necessary for me to readjust the toy many times during use in order to keep it feeling comfortable and good, I noticed a pretty big issue with the toy’s controls: they’re located on the side of the clitoral part of the toy, which is the exact spot where you’ll likely be grabbing it to move it onto your clit. I mistakenly pressed buttons on the toy many times while testing it, which obviously can be extremely annoying and distracting, particularly when you’re getting close to coming.

 

Final thoughts

I genuinely like the vibrations and G-spot tapping that this toy provides – but its clitoral stimulator is disappointing (for my particular body, anyway), making it impossible for me to orgasm with this toy alone.

During one testing session, I shoved the clitoral portion of the toy aside and used my beloved Eroscillator there instead, utilizing the toy’s other two functions internally, and I was able to have an intense and satisfying orgasm this way – which leads me to believe that the clitoral part of the toy really is its weakest link, and is the only thing holding it back from success.

Seeing as the majority of vulva-owners require adequate clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm, it’s a shame when toy companies screw up the clitoral aspect of their dual-stim toys. Like, even the best icing in the world won’t taste good if it’s smeared on subpar cake.

Overall though, I have to say that I’m impressed with how well the Bestvibe Triple Arousal is executed. I think its asking price of £49.99 (about $61 USD or $83 CAD) is a bit steep, but if it worked well for your anatomy – which would likely necessitate your clit being located close to your vaginal opening, among other things – it might give you enough bang for your buck to be worth the cash. I just wish it worked better for my body and didn’t make my clit sad.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Bestvibe Smart Little Sweet Tongue

Kate Sloan

Probably the thing I miss most about my spouse when they’re in New York and I’m in Toronto – apart from their sparkling wit, radiant kindness, comforting cuddles, and gorgeous face – is the way they go down on me. They certainly rank among the most skilled cunnilinguists in my sexual history, and as you may know, people with that skillset often seem to be few and far between.

So I do quite a bit of fantasizin’ about oral sex when I’m jerking off, which means I extra-appreciate toys that focus on clitoral stimulation in a way meant to evoke the human mouth. Obviously, then, my curiosity was piqued when I saw the Smart Little Sweet Tongue vibrator on Bestvibe’s website. Let’s talk about it.

 

What is the Bestvibe Smart Little Sweet Tongue?

Okay, as per usual for Bestvibe, this toy has a different name in its instruction manual than it does on the company website. The website has it listed as “Bestvibe Pink Tongue Teasing with G Spot Vibrator” [sic] and I am just not going to call it that. Elsewhere I’ve seen it called the Smart Little Sweet Tongue or simply the Sweet Tongue, which is at least a bit more memorable, if not more arousing.

The Sweet Tongue is, in fact, a tongue. It has a textured silicone body made to resemble a human tongue as closely as possible, and there’s a rose gold ABS plastic endcap on the handle side that makes it clear it’s a sex toy and not just a gag gift from the Halloween store.

It has three functions: licking, vibrating, and heating. It is rechargeable and water-resistant (I’ll get into what exactly that means below). On the Bestvibe.co.uk website (which is the one that sent me this product to review), the Sweet Tongue is listed at a regular price of £39.99 (about $47 USD or $65 CAD) and is currently on sale for £23.99 (about $28 USD or $39 CAD).

 

Things I like about this toy

  • As far as oral sex simulators go, this one is actually decent. A common problem with these tongue-like toys is that they usually either go way too slow, boring my clit into oblivion, or way too fast, battering my clit into numbness. But this toy is different. The tip of the tongue, as well as about one-third of the rest of the tongue, wiggles up and down in a way that is actually quite like a human tongue when someone finds exactly the right spot and keeps lapping away at it. When properly lubed, it feels really good (especially since I can reposition it as needed, as described below). The fact that the tongue’s tip is made of squishy, bendy silicone helps a lot with the realism of the sensation, as does the tastebud-esque texture on the toy. Like real licking, the sensation may not impress you much if you’re not all that sensitive and/or if you use powerful vibrators on the regs (which isn’t a judgment, by the way – I’m not always as sensitive as I’d like to be, and I’m also, obviously, a frequent vibrator user). But, on that note, if you’re accustomed to vibrators but want to learn to get off in a way that a human being could replicate sans technology, using a toy like this might be a good middle ground.
  • Even with my hand pain and muscle strength limitations, I find it easy to position and reposition this toy as needed to get it where I want it. As with real oral sex, I don’t tend to like being licked in the same exact spot for the entire duration of a session; my clitoral hood, the sides of my clit, and the tip of it are all differently-sensitive spots with different needs and preferences, depending on where I’m at in my arousal cycle. I love how easy it is to put this vibe right where it feels the best and then move on to another area when I want that.
  • The heating function is cool (uh, pun not intended, but we’re gonna run with it). It makes sense that a toy meant to emulate the human mouth, notably a warm place, would have this feature. The heating is unfortunately focused more toward the center of the toy, rather than at the tip of the tongue where you’d generally be able to feel it more, but it partially translates to the tip and can help with arousal, realism, and comfort.
  • For the most part, the licking function barely slows down when I press the toy more firmly against my body. This allows me to adjust the amount of pressure it’s exerting at any given moment, and widens the variety of sensations that this toy can produce.
  • The price of the toy is affordable; as I mentioned, it’s currently £23.99 (about $28 USD or $39 CAD), which is not a ridiculous amount of money to access an interesting sensation that may be new to you.

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • Look, I’m just gonna say it: disembodied tongues aren’t very arousing for me, it turns out. I can’t look at this one for too long or I start thinking about the last true-crime miniseries I watched, y’know? Also the fact that there are VEINS on the tongue’s underside seems… excessive. I’m sure some people would enjoy the texture of them, but I’m not sure that’s worth the horror of seeing them. (Thankfully though, they’ll generally be facing away from you during use.)
  • As with most oral-adjacent toys, this one requires a lot of (water-based) lube to feel its best. This is not an issue for me since I’m perpetually swimming in bottles of lube (seriously, there are over a dozen by my bed right now) but it’s worth considering, especially if your lube budget is limited.
  • Why oh why do so many sex toy companies try to cram multiple functions and settings into one or two buttons?! It’s very annoying. This toy has two buttons, one with a tongue on it and one with a vibrations symbol on it. You hold down the vibrations button for a few seconds to turn the toy on, at which point it’s in standby mode. From there, you cycle through licking modes and vibration modes by pressing each of their buttons, respectively, and you activate the heating mode by quickly double-pressing the tongue button. You can turn off either function by long-pressing its button. This all feels needlessly complicated and the distraction of dealing with controls can sometimes sour any arousal I’ve managed to build.
  • There are only three modes of steady licking and three steady vibration modes, after which both functions have a bunch of patterns (which, of course, you have to cycle through if you want to get back to the steady modes). Three speeds is just not enough. I am always left wishing there were a few more.
  • On that note, the amount of power this toy has – both licking-wise and vibration-wise – leaves something to be desired. It truly works well as a warm-up toy for building arousal, but the stimulation is just not enough to get me off, even with the vibration and licking both turned up to their max speeds.
  • You have to keep a decently firm grip on the toy’s handle while using the licking function; otherwise, due to how physics work, the handle will start moving up and down in your hand when it should be the tongue tip that’s moving. I mostly managed fine by bracing my arm against my thigh, but if you have profound hand strength issues, you might find this toy difficult to use. Possibly you could anchor it in place (say, between your body and the bed, or between two firm objects) and use it hands-free that way.
  • The vibrations are very “meh.” They’re buzzy and not very strong. Certainly they might be enough to push you over the edge if the licking function has gotten you close and you just need a little extra stimulation, but for me, they weren’t enough to get me off even in combination with the licking.
  • It’s loud. Both the vibration and the licking make a pretty loud mechanical noise that can be distracting. I enjoyed watching cunnilingus porn while using this toy but often found it hard to hear the porn over the toy’s repetitive robotic whine.
  • It’s IPX5 water-resistant. This means, according to the IPX Waterproof Rating Guide, that it is “protected against [a] low-pressure water stream from any angle” but should not be submerged in water. This is probably fine for most people’s purposes – it won’t be an issue to use it in the shower or to wash it in the sink – but is worth noting if you were hoping to use this toy in the bath or similar.
  • The silicone is particularly prone to picking up lint, hairs, etc. which is kind of unappetizing to see on a tongue.
  • Bestvibe’s website says that this toy is also a G-spot vibrator and I would beg to differ. Like, yeah, you can shove it inside yourself and try to get it to lick or vibrate your G-spot, but it doesn’t have the firmness, girth, or deep curve that would generally make that pleasurable.

Final thoughts

While I have a lot of issues with the Bestvibe Sweet Tongue, I actually think it’s pretty damn good for its price point, if you view it as purely a mechanical tongue. The vibrations are bad-to-middling and so I wouldn’t factor them into your decision to buy this toy or not; it all comes down to the licking. Do you want a soft silicone tongue to flick against your clit (or another body part of your choosing) in a manner that is steady, gentle or firm (depending on how much pressure you apply), and rhythmically consistent? Then you should give this toy a shot, and throw some water-based lube into your cart while you’re at it, ’cause you’re gonna need a lot.

But since this toy wasn’t powerful enough to get me off, I doubt I’ll return to it unless I really want to tease and arouse myself with the sensation of a tongue that’s almost-but-not-quite enough for me.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.