I love reading through old journals; they teach me so much about myself. Recently I was flipping through one from 2012, the year that I started this blog. Around that time, I was fascinated by the work of Tantra-inspired sex educators like Jaiya and Barbara Carrellas. In keeping with their focus on maximizing pleasure in one’s life, I started keeping a “pleasure log” in my journal.
A typical entry would first describe a sexual fantasy, porn clip, or erotica story that had turned me on, and why I’d found it so sexy. Then I’d go on to describe the ways I’d touched myself (or, more rarely, invited a partner to touch me), the sex toy(s) I’d used, and what my orgasm had felt like. I would often make these notes while lazing around in the sweet afterglow; one could say it was self-administered aftercare in written form.
I didn’t stick with the pleasure-logging habit for very long, probably because my regular journal entries tend to be quite pleasure-focused anyway (as you might expect from me, a self-indulgent Taurus foodie/professional masturbator!). But I still think it’s a fabulous practice that many people could benefit from. The internet can be a helpful resource when you’re seeking answers to publicly knowable sex questions, like which fetish club in Berlin is best, or which dominatrix Melbourne ranks most highly – but when it comes to questions about yourself and your own psychology, it’s likeliest that the answers lie within.
In your pleasure diary, you could document masturbation sessions like I did, or you could take a broader approach and write down any kind of pleasure you encounter throughout your day, from bluebird song on your morning walk, to a silly conversation with a friend, to a stellar glass of wine over dinner. The more that you practice noticing these things, the easier it will be to spot ’em and enjoy ’em.
Whether you call it a pleasure diary or give it a snappier name that suits you better, I think there are a few key reasons you should consider documenting experiences that feel good:
1. Savoring
As sexologist Emily Nagoski describes in her great book Come Together, “savoring” is a science-backed positive psychology technique that helps you enjoy pleasure more deeply and remember it more vividly. Put simply, it’s a mindfulness-based practice of noticing pleasure when it comes up, appreciating it, and maybe even remarking aloud on it (“This feels so good!”) or expressing your enjoyment through laughter, moans, giggles, or however else feels most natural. It can take practice to get good at savoring pleasure, especially for those of us who were raised in sex-shamey environments – and keeping a written log of your most pleasurable moments is a fun way to practice this skill.
2. Self-care
I don’t know about you, but when I’m depressed, sick, or low-energy, I almost forget pleasure even exists, or that there’s any way for me to access it. So it’s helpful to have a big long list I can look at, which reminds me of the foods, drinks, albums, movies, scents, and other sensory pleasures that have reliably made me smile before. Even if you document strictly sexual pleasures in your log, it’ll still be useful to have a list of fantasies, porn clips, sex toy techniques, etc. that you know you can depend on, especially when stress totally tanks your libido.
3. Sharing
Whether or not you currently have (or want) a sexual partner, it’s possible – nay, probable – that someday you will meet a new person with whom you want to share sensory pleasures, sexual or otherwise. And when that day comes, you’ll be glad to have gotten so deeply in touch with what brings you pleasure, because your self-knowledge can be shared with other people to help them give you more pleasure. Likewise, there’s a lot you can learn about their pleasure preferences by asking them what they liked about their most pleasurable past experiences, provided you’re comfortable hearing about that.
Dear readers, have you ever kept any sort of pleasure diary? Have you found it useful and/or illuminating?
This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.