Review: Fun Factory Bootie Fem

Kate Sloan

Fun Factory is one of my all-time favorite sex toy companies. They make cute, colorful toys that generally perform very well, whether we’re talking about a rumbly G-spot vibrator, a harness-ready silicone dildo, or an innovative pulsator.

One of their most recent releases is the Bootie Fem, a butt plug. I’ve been testing it out over the past few weeks and am overall a fan, though I definitely have my quibbles with the product. Let’s talk about it!

 

What is the Fun Factory Bootie Fem?

Fun Factory has a line of “Bootie” butt plugs which I’ve recommended to beginners of all genders and anatomies for many years, because of their newbie-friendly shape and dimensions (depending, of course, on which size you go with). The Bootie Fem is a different product altogether, designed specifically to be worn by people with vaginas. (Could people who don’t have a vagina use it, though? Certainly!)

Its insertable length is 3.35 inches and its diameter tops out at 1.14 inches, so it’s appropriate for beginners but can also be enjoyed by users with more anal experience. (I’m somewhere in the middle – I usually use a butt plug a couple times a month or so, but don’t often do much anal play beyond that.)

 

Things I like about this toy

  • One of the design choices that makes this plug extra suitable for people with vulvas is its asymmetrical base. Butt plugs have to have a flared base in order to be safe to use, but too often, plug bases are too chunky and/or long and end up blocking my vagina so I can’t do double penetration if I want to. On that point, Fun Factory has succeeded here: one side of the base is shorter than the other (though still long enough to be safe to use), and you can orient the plug so that that side is closest to your vagina, minimizing any obstruction of your vaginal opening. Yay, more access to my holes!
  • On that note, the base is also slim and comfortable. I had no issue wearing this plug for a long time, whether sitting on the couch, lying in bed, or walking around. As long as I re-lubricated as needed (which isn’t necessary all that often if you’re using a thicker water-based lube, like my beloved Sutil Rich), it was comfortable for up to 2-3 hours of wear (I didn’t test it for longer sessions than that).
  • The plug stays in place well. I never found that it slipped out, twisted around, etc. like some other plugs can.
  • The dimensions are such that I don’t have to warm up for this toy but it’s still definitely noticeable when it’s inside me (in a good way). I still tend to prefer a slightly larger plug sometimes (my favorite, the medium Njoy Pure Plug, has a 1.25-inch diameter, while the Bootie Fem’s is 1.14 inches), but this one works well for days when my butt is being a little temperamental and I want to err on the side of small.
  • As with many butt plugs, I found that having this one in was helpful in boosting my arousal, and also intensified other sexual sensations, like masturbating clitorally or receiving oral sex. This has a lot to do with my being able to feel every muscular contraction more vividly, due to the presence of the plug.
  • I have mixed feelings on the tulip-esque shape of the plug’s tip (more on that later), but it was designed to act as a “lube channel” and it does a good job of that. Lube tends to stay where I put it, if applied to the tip of the toy. Granted, I’m going to spread it all over the rest of the toy almost immediately after that, because that’s what you gotta do with anal toys, but the tulip lips are helpful in those moments when I’ve still got an open lube bottle in one hand and the plug in the other, and I want to close the lube bottle and set it back down without needing to worry that lube will drip all over me.

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • The name is poorly thought-out. I know naming sex toys isn’t easy, but 1) the Bootie Fem bears very little resemblance to the other Bootie plugs, aside from being a butt plug, and 2) the name implies that all people with vaginas (for whom the plug was designed) are female or feminine-presenting, which just isn’t the case. Trans men exist, non-binary people exist, intersex people exist, and on and on. It’s 2023; we don’t need to be doing this.
  • There’s a Fun Factory logo etched/inlaid into the side of the plug’s neck. There should ideally never be etching or other tiny divots/grooves/seams on the part of a toy that’ll be going inside you, because these design features are hard to clean, usually requiring a small scrub brush, which (realistically) most people are not gonna bust out every time they wash their toy. It could therefore become a breeding ground for bacteria or, at the very least, gross. This is also true of the groove that descends from the tulip tip on either side of the toy, though that’s easier to clean than the logo.
  • While the tulip-like tip of the plug is helpful when I’m applying lube, it’s not always super comfortable during insertion. There’s a reason butt plugs traditionally narrow to a single, slim, tapered tip: your sphincter muscles need insertion to be slow and gradual in order for them to relax and open up, so it makes sense to start with something small. The Bootie Fem’s “double-pronged” tip (for lack of a better word) can feel somewhat pokey and abrasive during insertion, a feeling which sometimes lingers uncomfortably for a few minutes.
  • There’s no particular curve to this toy. It’s supposed to be angled such that anything you insert vaginally (a dick, a dildo, etc.) will be pushed toward your G-spot by the pressure of the plug, but of course this only works if you are inserting something vaginally. I’m generally not, so I prefer a plug with a slight curve that can hit my G-spot through the vaginal wall.
  • I’m not particularly a fan of the colors the Bootie Fem is available in. The one I got is what Rosie Jones would call “sad purple,” and the other option available is a lighter purple.

 

Final thoughts

I’m always interested to see what new stuff Fun Factory’s come up with, and I’m glad to have the Bootie Fem in my collection because it can be tricky to find butt plugs that are comfortable, sized appropriately for my not-particularly-ambitious ass, and won’t block my vag.

However, this toy definitely has its issues – most pressingly, the odd shape, poor logo placement, and cissexist name. I still think the original Bootie can fulfill most people’s butt plug needs, though its logo is also placed in a location that makes no sense, hygiene-wise. But the original Booties at least taper to a single, slim tip, and have a curve that can hit your G-spot or prostate, as the case may be.

 

Thanks to Fun Factory for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 of My Favorite Sex Scenes in Movies

Kate Sloan

I’ve been a movie fanatic since I was a kid. My mom was an entertainment reporter for most of my childhood, so when other kids were playing pretend at daycare, I was seeing movies like Cast Away and Artificial Intelligence in theatres. (And quite possibly playing pretend on my own later, inspired by the stories I’d seen on screen.)

But while my mother’s focus in her media career was on entertainment, mine is on sex – and so, of course, I’m often captivated by sex scenes in movies and television. This has become even more true in the years since “intimacy coordinators” became common fixtures on film sets; sex scenes are all the more interesting now that I know someone has (in many cases) carefully choreographed them and helped the actors discover as much authenticity, intimacy and vulnerability as they are willing to bring to their roles.

There are websites like https://www.mrskin.com which compile screenshots galore of cinematic sex scenes, but many of these scenes are so seared into my brain that I don’t even have to look at pictures to remember exactly what happens. Let’s talk about some of my favorites.

Kissing Jessica Stein is one of my favorite queer flicks. It’s about a neurotic, ostensibly straight woman – the titular Jessica – who, after a string of romantic rejections and mishaps with men, impulsively responds to a newspaper personal ad… written by a woman. That woman is Helen, a feisty and brilliant art gallery manager who is also dabbling in bisexuality for the first time.

Beyond being a deeply funny and relatable story of sexual and romantic exploration, this movie has so much heart, and captures so well the thrill of pushing your own limits sexually. The sex scenes are some of the best scenes in the whole movie. One of them begins with Jessica showing up to their date with a bunch of educational pamphlets about lesbian sex – she’s been doing research! Helen has to talk her down, suggesting that they try it “the old-fashioned way” rather than jumping straight to strap-on gadgets and gizmos.

Both women are nervous about having sex with one another, especially Jessica – and so there’s a great montage where the two women gradually, over the course of several dates, work up to kissing with tongue, and then touching above the waist, and then touching below the waist, and so on. There’s a ton of good communication in these scenes, and they’re so funny and adorable. If only all queer newbies could have a first partner as patient and encouraging as Helen.

Moonstruck is a favorite of my mama’s, so I’ve seen it many, many times. If you’ve never seen it, mainly what you need to know is that it’s a rom-com starring Cher and Nicolas Cage. Intrigued yet? Yeah, you should be.

Nic’s character, Ronnie, is a burly caricature of toxic machismo with a sensitive underbelly. He also happens to be the brother of the man Cher’s character, Loretta, is engaged to, so there’s an added layer of forbiddenness, making it all the more hot when they get together.

In one of the hottest scenes, Loretta and Ronnie are arguing outside his apartment after a fancy date night at the opera, and he yells, “Now, I want you to come upstairs with me, and get in my bed!” In another scene, they’re in her kitchen and they’re arguing again (it’s a recurring theme) and Ronnie literally tips the whole kitchen table over in a flight of passion/rage, kisses Loretta passionately, and physically picks her up in his arms. “Where are you taking me?!” she shouts. “To the bed,” he replies. And he does. 🔥

Pretty Woman is a super problematic movie as far as its representation of sex work, but its two stars, Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, are so gorgeous that I can’t help but find it hot and charming.

My favorite sex scene in this movie is one where Julia’s character, a sex worker named Vivian, walks in on Richard’s character, a rich businessdude named Edward, playing the piano late at night in the hotel they’re staying at. She’s wearing nothing but a bathrobe, which he takes off of her in a slow, sensual way. And then, presumably, they fuck on top of the piano.

It’s because of this scene that having sex on a piano is on my bucket list, though I’m not sure that anyone who owns a grand piano would be willing to let me “borrow” it for this purpose!

Unfaithful is another Richard Gere movie… However, the sex scenes I’m most drawn to in this movie don’t involve him. It’s an erotic thriller about a middle-aged wife and mother, Connie (played by Diane Lane), who randomly meets a hot young Frenchman, Paul, when he tends to an injury she sustains on a dangerously windy day.

An affair begins, and before too long, Connie is routinely sneaking away from her husband Ed (played by Richard Gere) to see her loverboy. He’s a bookseller, and they have many tawdry encounters in his bed, surrounded by towering stacks of books. It’s all very, uh, literary.

In one particularly hot scene, Connie finds herself stuck having lunch with some other married women she knows from whatever suburban middle-class organizations she’s a part of, and Paul walks into the restaurant, surprising her. They both sneak away to the bathroom and fuck in one of the stalls. When Connie comes back out, her friend points out that her blouse is partially unbuttoned. Whoops.

Blue Valentine has a famous scene in which Ryan Gosling’s character, Dean, goes down on Michelle Williams’s character, Cindy, seemingly to the point of climax. While you can’t even see any genitals, this one scene caused the movie to be given an NC-17 rating, though it was later changed to an R rating after pushback from the distributors.

Many critics have noted that it’s likely the scene’s focus on female pleasure that earned it the more mature rating, and that this points out the inherent sexism still prevalent in many industries, including movie-making. But regardless of Hollywood politics, the scene itself is hot as fuck and I will admit I have jerked off to it many times!

 

What sex scenes in movies have you found the hottest and most memorable?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

So I Gave My First Footjob…

Kate Sloan
Sneakers by Converse, clogs by Lotta From Stockholm.

For reasons unknown, I’ve dated an above-average number of foot fetishists. I guess it makes sense if you consider that I mostly date other kinksters, and feet are one of the most common kinks. But when I think about the kind of person who would date multiple foot fetishists, I think about someone who has beautiful, soft, elegant feet, and I’ve never really thought of myself as that kind of person.

I think a lot of us grow up with feet-related insecurities, which may be part of why feet are fetishized so often. We worry about sweat, smells, dirtiness. We hide our feet away under socks and shoes much of the time, so that displaying them openly can feel almost as vulnerable as nudity. Still to this day, I feel weird in sandals, like I’m cosplaying as a type of girl I’ve never really been.

I’ve certainly never felt confident enough about my feet to want to model for fetish sites like Love Her Feet. But over the course of a few relationships with foot fetishists, I eventually got a little more comfortable taking foot pics when requested. (If you’re interested, I have an all-feet photo set available for purchase. That link is the only place on the internet where you can get sexy pictures of my feet!)

That being said, confidence in photos is a bit different from confidence in real life. When partners would want to do things like sniff my feet, massage them, or suck on my toes, I’d freeze up. Sometimes I’d enjoy these things when they would happen, but only if I was able to get over my near-paralyzing anxiety about it, which was rare.

Recently, my partner requested a footjob. They’ve requested one several times before but I’ve always felt too nervous to do it. I was worried not only about my feet but also about the contorted position I’d probably have to get into; I don’t have a lot of flexibility in my hips, knees or ankles due to my fibromyalgia, and a lot of the footjobs I’d seen in porn had involved someone’s legs being splayed wide open with their knees deeply bent to stroke a dick between their soles, a shape I knew my body just wouldn’t be able to get into. Hell, I can barely sit cross-legged on the floor for more than a few minutes before every joint below my waist starts throbbing with pain. On that note, I was also nervous about how I’d look while trying to bend myself into the right shape.

However, one of the skills I’ve picked up from therapy is being able to break down an anxiety-provoking situation to look more closely at the specific anxiety triggers it contains, in order to figure out if I can do anything about them. When I thought about each of the individual pieces of the puzzle that were fueling my footjob fears, I saw a few potential solutions, which could be used alone or in tandem:

  1. Get a pedicure prior to the footjob.
  2. Find a comfortable position that works for my body.
  3. Blindfold my partner so they can’t see what I’m doing.

I ended up doing the latter 2 things from this list. One night I had my partner lie on their back in bed and put a blindfold on. I laid on my side next to them and lubed up their dick and the sole of one of my feet. Then I bent my knee enough that my sole could rest on the underside of their dick and had just enough range of movement to slide up and down the length of it in a teasing manner.

And yes, my hip and knee joints started to ache after a few minutes, but I knew that wasn’t the end of the world. I kept up some low dirty talk in their ear while holding onto my leg with my arms, so that my arm muscles could take on some of the strain and give my leg a break. As the action crescendoed, at certain points I had to use my arms to physically move my leg up and down because my leg muscles and joints were just done. But, as often happens, the yummy neurochemicals of being in a sexy situation with a hot person were enough to make the pain mostly feel like part of the experience, rather than antithetical to it.

Eventually they came, and it was hot. I think I had them lick some of their own cum off my foot, possibly while still blindfolded. Overall, a positive experience – and one I definitely didn’t think I’d ever have, prior to being in this relationship.

The moral of the story is: In the realm of sex, as in other realms of life, you will encounter things that scare you but that seem worth doing anyway. Self-knowledge can be even more important than courage in these cases, because it is your knowledge of yourself, your body, and your brain that will enable you to approach the situation in a way that works for you. And when you do it your way, courage comes much more easily. Dip your toe in and see what happens.

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Bestvibe Triple Arousal

Kate Sloan

What is the Bestvibe Triple Arousal?

Also known as the Bestvibe Multifunction Clitoral Sucking Licking and G-Spot Vibrator (whew), this toy has three different functions, which can be used individually or in any combination with one another:

  1. Plain ol’ vaginal vibration.
  2. Tapping or pulsing (or, as Bestvibe calls it, “hitting” or “flapping”) that is focused into one small area on the shaft and meant to target the G-spot.
  3. Pressure-wave stimulation (i.e. rhythmic air pulses) focused on the clit, with the addition of a tiny “tongue” inside the toy’s “mouth” to increase the stimulation provided by the pressure waves.

The vibration in the shaft boasts 10 different modes to choose from, while the other two functions each have 5.

Does it live up to its name, by arousing me in three different ways at once? Let’s discuss.

 

Tiny silicone “tongue” inside the toy’s nozzle

Things I like about this toy

  • The G-spot tapping function of this toy is really cool, and not something I’ve seen in many other toys. It reminds me of the “PulsePlate” technology used in some Hot Octopuss toys; it’s not exactly vibration and not exactly thrusting, but instead, a small circular panel on the toy rapidly moves up and down, tapping against your G-spot. In use, this mostly just feels like very rumbly vibration focused in a very small spot. That spot doesn’t always line up perfectly with my G-spot, which is located a bit closer to the vaginal opening than the tapping is, but it’s close enough to still feel very stimulating without giving me that uncomfortable “need-to-pee” sensation I sometimes get with overzealous G-spot toys.
  • The shaft vibration is also pretty decent. It gets buzzier as you turn it up, but I didn’t find it to be overly buzzy in an annoying way, and often it was the extra kick of sensation I needed to make the G-spot tapping feel excellent.
  • I love that you can control all three of the toy’s functions separately; they each have their own button on the side of the toy that you can use to cycle through their settings. This makes your experience with the toy much more customizable, as you can (for example) turn up the clit stimulation while keeping the G-spot stim on low, or vice-versa.
  • The internal arm is sized and shaped well to hit the G-spot and to feel good vaginally even without thrusting (because it would be pretty much impossible to maintain clitoral contact while thrusting this toy). It has a diameter of about 1.5″, so it might require some warm-up and lube depending on what size of penetrative objects you’re used to taking, but I found that it added noticeably to my orgasm intensity by pressing into my G-spot without any effort on my part. Its 5-inch insertable length isn’t quite long enough to hit my A-spot, but I don’t mind because this is such a wonderfully G-spot-focused toy.
  • The ridgey texture on the shaft enables the toy to stay in place better, even if you’re very wet and/or have used a lot of lube. This makes it easier to use this toy hands-free, which I often like to do when watching porn on my phone or reading an erotica book.
  • It’s relatively quiet. Sometimes there’s a bit of a slurpy sound when I’m repositioning the clitoral nozzle, and the vibrations would be louder if they weren’t buried in my vag, but in use it’s generally on the quieter side of the spectrum.
  • It’s IPX6 waterproof, meaning you should be able to wash it in the sink or use it in the shower without issue, but shouldn’t submerge it underwater for long.

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • Most crucially: The clitoral stimulation just doesn’t feel particularly good for me. The toy’s 0.63-inch-wide mouth is too small to envelop much of my clit beyond the very tip, which almost always feels annoying and aggressive to me. The “tongue” inside the toy’s nozzle doesn’t seem to change the sensation much, perhaps making the stimulation feel just slightly harsher on my clit. The toy’s “lips” don’t form much of a seal around my clit – though that could be due to the alignment issues I’ll discuss below – so that whole component of the toy ends up feeling like, at best, not-quite-enough clitoral tapping, or at worst, overly direct and overstimulating to the point of discomfort.
  • While the neck of this toy is bendy, ultimately I found that it isn’t long enough to comfortably stretch the distance between my clit and my vaginal opening. The clitoral portion of the toy tends to land slightly below my clit unless I manually readjust it every so often…
  • …and since it is indeed necessary for me to readjust the toy many times during use in order to keep it feeling comfortable and good, I noticed a pretty big issue with the toy’s controls: they’re located on the side of the clitoral part of the toy, which is the exact spot where you’ll likely be grabbing it to move it onto your clit. I mistakenly pressed buttons on the toy many times while testing it, which obviously can be extremely annoying and distracting, particularly when you’re getting close to coming.

 

Final thoughts

I genuinely like the vibrations and G-spot tapping that this toy provides – but its clitoral stimulator is disappointing (for my particular body, anyway), making it impossible for me to orgasm with this toy alone.

During one testing session, I shoved the clitoral portion of the toy aside and used my beloved Eroscillator there instead, utilizing the toy’s other two functions internally, and I was able to have an intense and satisfying orgasm this way – which leads me to believe that the clitoral part of the toy really is its weakest link, and is the only thing holding it back from success.

Seeing as the majority of vulva-owners require adequate clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm, it’s a shame when toy companies screw up the clitoral aspect of their dual-stim toys. Like, even the best icing in the world won’t taste good if it’s smeared on subpar cake.

Overall though, I have to say that I’m impressed with how well the Bestvibe Triple Arousal is executed. I think its asking price of £49.99 (about $61 USD or $83 CAD) is a bit steep, but if it worked well for your anatomy – which would likely necessitate your clit being located close to your vaginal opening, among other things – it might give you enough bang for your buck to be worth the cash. I just wish it worked better for my body and didn’t make my clit sad.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Bestvibe Smart Little Sweet Tongue

Kate Sloan

Probably the thing I miss most about my spouse when they’re in New York and I’m in Toronto – apart from their sparkling wit, radiant kindness, comforting cuddles, and gorgeous face – is the way they go down on me. They certainly rank among the most skilled cunnilinguists in my sexual history, and as you may know, people with that skillset often seem to be few and far between.

So I do quite a bit of fantasizin’ about oral sex when I’m jerking off, which means I extra-appreciate toys that focus on clitoral stimulation in a way meant to evoke the human mouth. Obviously, then, my curiosity was piqued when I saw the Smart Little Sweet Tongue vibrator on Bestvibe’s website. Let’s talk about it.

 

What is the Bestvibe Smart Little Sweet Tongue?

Okay, as per usual for Bestvibe, this toy has a different name in its instruction manual than it does on the company website. The website has it listed as “Bestvibe Pink Tongue Teasing with G Spot Vibrator” [sic] and I am just not going to call it that. Elsewhere I’ve seen it called the Smart Little Sweet Tongue or simply the Sweet Tongue, which is at least a bit more memorable, if not more arousing.

The Sweet Tongue is, in fact, a tongue. It has a textured silicone body made to resemble a human tongue as closely as possible, and there’s a rose gold ABS plastic endcap on the handle side that makes it clear it’s a sex toy and not just a gag gift from the Halloween store.

It has three functions: licking, vibrating, and heating. It is rechargeable and water-resistant (I’ll get into what exactly that means below). On the Bestvibe.co.uk website (which is the one that sent me this product to review), the Sweet Tongue is listed at a regular price of £39.99 (about $47 USD or $65 CAD) and is currently on sale for £23.99 (about $28 USD or $39 CAD).

 

Things I like about this toy

  • As far as oral sex simulators go, this one is actually decent. A common problem with these tongue-like toys is that they usually either go way too slow, boring my clit into oblivion, or way too fast, battering my clit into numbness. But this toy is different. The tip of the tongue, as well as about one-third of the rest of the tongue, wiggles up and down in a way that is actually quite like a human tongue when someone finds exactly the right spot and keeps lapping away at it. When properly lubed, it feels really good (especially since I can reposition it as needed, as described below). The fact that the tongue’s tip is made of squishy, bendy silicone helps a lot with the realism of the sensation, as does the tastebud-esque texture on the toy. Like real licking, the sensation may not impress you much if you’re not all that sensitive and/or if you use powerful vibrators on the regs (which isn’t a judgment, by the way – I’m not always as sensitive as I’d like to be, and I’m also, obviously, a frequent vibrator user). But, on that note, if you’re accustomed to vibrators but want to learn to get off in a way that a human being could replicate sans technology, using a toy like this might be a good middle ground.
  • Even with my hand pain and muscle strength limitations, I find it easy to position and reposition this toy as needed to get it where I want it. As with real oral sex, I don’t tend to like being licked in the same exact spot for the entire duration of a session; my clitoral hood, the sides of my clit, and the tip of it are all differently-sensitive spots with different needs and preferences, depending on where I’m at in my arousal cycle. I love how easy it is to put this vibe right where it feels the best and then move on to another area when I want that.
  • The heating function is cool (uh, pun not intended, but we’re gonna run with it). It makes sense that a toy meant to emulate the human mouth, notably a warm place, would have this feature. The heating is unfortunately focused more toward the center of the toy, rather than at the tip of the tongue where you’d generally be able to feel it more, but it partially translates to the tip and can help with arousal, realism, and comfort.
  • For the most part, the licking function barely slows down when I press the toy more firmly against my body. This allows me to adjust the amount of pressure it’s exerting at any given moment, and widens the variety of sensations that this toy can produce.
  • The price of the toy is affordable; as I mentioned, it’s currently £23.99 (about $28 USD or $39 CAD), which is not a ridiculous amount of money to access an interesting sensation that may be new to you.

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • Look, I’m just gonna say it: disembodied tongues aren’t very arousing for me, it turns out. I can’t look at this one for too long or I start thinking about the last true-crime miniseries I watched, y’know? Also the fact that there are VEINS on the tongue’s underside seems… excessive. I’m sure some people would enjoy the texture of them, but I’m not sure that’s worth the horror of seeing them. (Thankfully though, they’ll generally be facing away from you during use.)
  • As with most oral-adjacent toys, this one requires a lot of (water-based) lube to feel its best. This is not an issue for me since I’m perpetually swimming in bottles of lube (seriously, there are over a dozen by my bed right now) but it’s worth considering, especially if your lube budget is limited.
  • Why oh why do so many sex toy companies try to cram multiple functions and settings into one or two buttons?! It’s very annoying. This toy has two buttons, one with a tongue on it and one with a vibrations symbol on it. You hold down the vibrations button for a few seconds to turn the toy on, at which point it’s in standby mode. From there, you cycle through licking modes and vibration modes by pressing each of their buttons, respectively, and you activate the heating mode by quickly double-pressing the tongue button. You can turn off either function by long-pressing its button. This all feels needlessly complicated and the distraction of dealing with controls can sometimes sour any arousal I’ve managed to build.
  • There are only three modes of steady licking and three steady vibration modes, after which both functions have a bunch of patterns (which, of course, you have to cycle through if you want to get back to the steady modes). Three speeds is just not enough. I am always left wishing there were a few more.
  • On that note, the amount of power this toy has – both licking-wise and vibration-wise – leaves something to be desired. It truly works well as a warm-up toy for building arousal, but the stimulation is just not enough to get me off, even with the vibration and licking both turned up to their max speeds.
  • You have to keep a decently firm grip on the toy’s handle while using the licking function; otherwise, due to how physics work, the handle will start moving up and down in your hand when it should be the tongue tip that’s moving. I mostly managed fine by bracing my arm against my thigh, but if you have profound hand strength issues, you might find this toy difficult to use. Possibly you could anchor it in place (say, between your body and the bed, or between two firm objects) and use it hands-free that way.
  • The vibrations are very “meh.” They’re buzzy and not very strong. Certainly they might be enough to push you over the edge if the licking function has gotten you close and you just need a little extra stimulation, but for me, they weren’t enough to get me off even in combination with the licking.
  • It’s loud. Both the vibration and the licking make a pretty loud mechanical noise that can be distracting. I enjoyed watching cunnilingus porn while using this toy but often found it hard to hear the porn over the toy’s repetitive robotic whine.
  • It’s IPX5 water-resistant. This means, according to the IPX Waterproof Rating Guide, that it is “protected against [a] low-pressure water stream from any angle” but should not be submerged in water. This is probably fine for most people’s purposes – it won’t be an issue to use it in the shower or to wash it in the sink – but is worth noting if you were hoping to use this toy in the bath or similar.
  • The silicone is particularly prone to picking up lint, hairs, etc. which is kind of unappetizing to see on a tongue.
  • Bestvibe’s website says that this toy is also a G-spot vibrator and I would beg to differ. Like, yeah, you can shove it inside yourself and try to get it to lick or vibrate your G-spot, but it doesn’t have the firmness, girth, or deep curve that would generally make that pleasurable.

Final thoughts

While I have a lot of issues with the Bestvibe Sweet Tongue, I actually think it’s pretty damn good for its price point, if you view it as purely a mechanical tongue. The vibrations are bad-to-middling and so I wouldn’t factor them into your decision to buy this toy or not; it all comes down to the licking. Do you want a soft silicone tongue to flick against your clit (or another body part of your choosing) in a manner that is steady, gentle or firm (depending on how much pressure you apply), and rhythmically consistent? Then you should give this toy a shot, and throw some water-based lube into your cart while you’re at it, ’cause you’re gonna need a lot.

But since this toy wasn’t powerful enough to get me off, I doubt I’ll return to it unless I really want to tease and arouse myself with the sensation of a tongue that’s almost-but-not-quite enough for me.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.