You know you’re a sex nerd when…

Kate Sloan

…you use the words “cunnilingus” and “fellatio” all the time in regular conversation.

…you’re taken aback by any woman who’s upset she can’t climax from intercourse alone, and throw statistics at her.

…you spend a disproportionate amount of time idly surfing Lelo, Njoy, Liberator, and Jimmyjane’s websites.

…you go to a sex shop with a friend and spend the entire time doing mini-reviews of every toy you see, regardless of whether or not you yourself have used it.

…your friends know to ask you if they have a sexual problem or need a toy recommendation.

…you own both The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio and The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus, have read both thoroughly, and lend them out as needed.

…you quote Violet Blue, Kidder Kaper, Dan Savage, and Tristan Taormino in everyday life.

…you periodically make a huge event out of putting your sex toys in boiling water to sterilize them.

…you react in utter horror to jelly toys.

…you explain to your partner, during sex, the benefits and drawbacks of the position you’re in, and suggest possible alternatives and alterations.

…you have a favorite kind of condom, and you order it in bulk online.

…you’ve repurposed your Lelo boxes into storage for lube and butt plugs.

…the slightest hesitance on your partner’s part causes you to ask them a series of questions to make sure you’re respecting their boundaries.

…you’ve done MojoUpgrade at least 5 times.

…you’ve taken one of your parents to a sex shop before, at their request.

…you know the layout of your local sex boutique so well that you’re thrown off when they change it at all.

…you know the nutritional information and caloric content of semen, menstrual blood, female ejaculatory fluid, and various kinds of flavored lube.

…you own several thick, dark, large towels.

…your first response to any plea for sexual advice is “Ask your partner what they think!”

…you know the efficacy rates of all the birth control methods off the top of your head.

…your masturbation sessions are more like lab experiments.

Review: Blossom Organics natural moisturizing lubricant

Kate Sloan

A few months ago, The Boyfriend and I stopped by our local sex shop in search of a good lube. The criteria: it must be water-based (so as to be compatible with condoms and my silicone toys), vagina-friendly (no sugars or glycerin), and have an agreeable taste, smell, and texture.

They have quite an array of lubes there, including the widely acclaimed Hathor and Sliquid, but as soon as we tried Blossom Organics, we knew we had to have it, for one key reason: it actually feels like natural vaginal lubrication. It feels like how my pussy feels when I’ve had a couple of consecutive orgasms and I’m soaking through the bedsheets. We bought it on the spot.

There’s a lot to love about this lube. First off, it’s designed by women for women, so it’s everything your vagina could possibly want – pH-balanced, irritant-free, organic, and condom- and silicone-compatible. Its main ingredient is aloe extract, meaning it’s very slippery and very soothing. To give you an idea: I used this to ease myself back into comfortable intercourse after an agonizing case of BV. Yeah, this stuff feels nice on a vagina the same way aloe gel feels nice on sunburned skin.

The slip is divine, and takes about 5 minutes to wear off if you’re not re-lubricating, making this an okay choice for dry activities like handjobs as long as you spit in your hand every few minutes (though silicone-based is probably a better choice for those purposes). Blossom’s lube smells like aloe (very mild and natural, not unpleasant at all) and has a slightly sweet taste, making it ideal if you plan on partaking in oral pleasures after using it. No objectionable chemical flavors here!

The flip-top, squeeze-bottle design is such that more lube comes out than expected, which can be tricky, but ultimately I’m still a staunch defender of the idea that too much lube is far preferable to too little.

Blossom Organics is pretty awesome – they also make a clitoral arousal gel which I may very well try next, and a moisturizing cream made specifically to ease breast exams. They seem like a real stand-up company with good values; I feel great about giving them my business.

Sexamples #002: Adventures in Domination

Kate Sloan

“Leave the room, close the door, wait a minute, and then come back in.”

He scrunched up his eyebrows and looked at me funny. “What?” he said, laughing a little.

“You heard me, bitch,” I asserted. “Go out in the hall, shut the door, wait a bit, and then come back in.”

He wanted me to dominate him; I had been aware of this fact for several weeks but hadn’t yet acted on it, partially because I was afraid I wouldn’t know how to be a domme. But tonight was the night. Only, now, I had to get him to leave the room and come back in, to sort of “refresh” our dynamic – start over without the context of boyfriend/girlfriend looming over our heads.

Finally, he left. I rushed around the room fluffing pillows and taking off my top. I waited several seconds, then cleared my throat and awkwardly announced, “Come in now.” He opened the door and entered.

I made him go get a makeshift blindfold from my extensive scarf collection. I tied it firmly around his head so he couldn’t see a damn thing, and then I forced him into a kneeling position on the floor. Figuring I’d start by turning myself on so I could be a better dom, I offered him one of my nipples. He licked and sucked it eagerly, and I started to melt a little into this delicious role I’d put myself in.

He reached around to my back, trying to pull my breast further into his mouth, but I snapped, “Don’t touch me.” He dropped his hands obediently, and I felt a wicked surge of pride for my little slave-boy.

I told him to lie down on the bed on his back, and spent some time biting the various sensitive spots on his chest and abdomen, just hard enough to communicate my control over him. I noted his enormous hard-on just before climbing onto him and straddling his face.

Ever the tease, I held his hair down with one hand, stopping him from licking me, and used the other hand to dip into my pussy and give him a taste on my fingers. He moaned from just the flavor of me, clearly wanting more. I laughed at his desire, and then finally lowered myself down onto his tongue.

If there’s one thing my slave-boy is extremely skilled at, it’s cunnilingus. He can do it for hours and it’s always brilliant, because he’s learned all the tricks I like best. This time was no exception – he licked and sucked as though his life depended on it.

Looking behind me and again noticing his immense erection, I told him, “I’m not going to touch you at all until you make me come.” That certainly motivated him; he sped up his motions and went at my pussy with even more enthusiasm and fervor. I held onto the bed tight to keep from shaking uncontrollably as his tongue circled and flicked my clit over and over.

Finally, I arrived at a shuddering orgasm. He stayed with me the whole way through, sucking, pressing, gently stroking me with his cute little tongue.

I told him, “Good boy,” smiling, and fetched a condom from the bedside table. He put it on while still wearing the blindfold – impressive! Then I slinked down his quivering body and lowered myself onto his cock of granite. “I’m going to ride you until you come,” I whispered, and I did.

My Sexual Wishlist

Kate Sloan

We all have those things that we’re a little embarrassed to have on our Amazon wishlists, incase mom and dad have a peek to see what to get us for our birthday. Here are a few of mine.

1. Jimmyjane Form 2 – Despite the fact that this toy has some mechanical issues, it’s also supposedly very strong and effective – and it’s Jimmyjane, so it’s luxurious as fuck. I’ve wanted this one pretty much since I discovered it existed.

2. Jimmyjane Iconic Rabbit – I almost got this one when I was shopping for rabbits about a month ago, but then I read some reviews which said that the toy broke quickly and didn’t live up to expectations, so I bought a highly lauded Cal Exotics rabbit instead. Very much regretting my decision now. I mean, Jimmyjane’s toys come with a warranty, so if it broke, it could have been replaced. Hmm.

3. Lelo Siri – Is this the perfect clitoral stimulator to use during intercourse? Quite possibly. Every time I pick up this toy to examine it at a sex shop, I’m struck by just how small, portable, and adorable it is. And strong! I can so imagine this nestling between my body and my boyfriend’s while we go at it – and more importantly, I can imagine it actually getting me off in that situation, unlike a lot of distracting, weak toys I’ve tried.

4. Eroscillator – I think the wiring in my brain has been permanently shaped by all the time I spent listening to Sex Is Fun when I was 14. And part of that manifests as a pressing lust for the Eroscillator. It doesn’t vibrate, it oscillates – which means no nerve desensitization, which means I wouldn’t have to keep turning up the power constantly, and I wouldn’t have to worry about having subpar sex the next day. This toy is ugly as shit but I want it, dammit.

5. Impressions Love Paddle – I am, admittedly, one of those vanilla people who thinks she’s super awesome for occasionally venturing into mild BDSM territory. Whatever, man; I know I’m not the kinkiest person in the world, and I’m okay with that. But I bet I’d be even more okay with it if I had a gorgeous paddle like this, with which to get the word “LOVE” emblazoned onto my ass by my handsome lover.

6. Njoy Pure Wand – Many, many women have told stories of this being the first toy to allow them to squirt. Personally, I’m a bit mystified by the sight of it, but I’m sure that if I gave it a shot, I would succumb to its stainless steel charms.

7. Don Wands cobalt Bent Graduate – I am a fan of glass dildos. My first one was made of glass, and you always remember your first. This one looks like it would leave me panting and sweating… and it’s bright cobalt blue. Swoon.

8. Liberator Wedge – I always used to think that sex furniture was largely a waste of money, especially these Liberator shapes that look like you could achieve the same effect with a stack of pillows. But the thing is, I don’t always have a stack of pillows on hand, nor do I always want to take the 30+ seconds it takes to arrange pillows into a neat little pile that won’t topple when I lay my ass on it. I think the Wedge would be a great investment. Especially in this color. (Can you tell I love royal blue?)

Review: Orchid G-spot vibrator

Kate Sloan

I bought the Orchid a few years ago as my first foray into G-spot toys. At only $28, it was a steal for a toy with such a delicious-looking shape. When I found out I could get in turquoise (as opposed to dark purple), that clinched it – it had to be mine.

The Orchid is made of hard plastic, which some find too rigid for their pleasure, but I’m a fan of vibrators that don’t give at all – they give my clit the pressure it needs.

The Orchid has an egg-shaped head that’s made to press nicely against the G-spot. It does, once it’s in, but the entry is a bit of a bitch – that bulbous head never seems to agree with my vaginal opening. Lube helps, but it still feels weird initially.

The other major downfall of the Orchid is its very narrow neck. The toy is recommended by Good For Her staff as a great pick for beginners, but it’s not the best choice for intermediate to advanced G-spotters who may prefer a more filling sensation. The Orchid’s rigid, narrow body doesn’t satisfy my vagina, even while its head is doing a sweet number on my G-spot.

But – BUT! – the Orchid is great for clitoral stimulation! In fact, for at least a year, it was my primary clitoral stimulator. Since its vibrations are designed to penetrate thick vaginal walls, they are very strong and rumbly, just the way my clit likes ‘em. The head is a nice shape for sitting on top of the clit and curving around it a little bit. At its highest setting, the Orchid is more than strong enough to bring me to a roaring orgasm. I wish the toy’s control dial was easier to reach with one hand – I always end up having to use two hands to manage the Orchid, because I like to turn up the power throughout my use of it, which makes it difficult to handle a dildo at the same time.

This toy takes two AA batteries, which go into the twist-off battery chamber at the base. There’s a little rubber strip around the chamber which makes the Orchid totally waterproof – fun times in the bath, anyone?

Overall, I would recommend this toy to someone who wants to begin to explore their G-spot, or someone who likes a fair bit of power on their clit. It’s certainly not a perfect toy by any means, but it gets the job done, and it comes in pretty colors.