12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 12 Femme Essentials

December has begun, and so it’s time for my annual “12 Days of Girly Juice” series!

2021 was a weird year in similar ways to how 2020 was – full of unpredictable chaos, medical anxiety, and untold tribulations. But there were still things to enjoy this year, and this series will once again highlight some of them. To start us off, here are 12 fashion and beauty items that lit up my life in 2021…

 

Pink metallic Jeffrey Campbell cowboy boots

These were a gift from my love and I adore them. They immediately elevate otherwise-boring outfits to flashy works of art. They get compliments everywhere I wear them. They’re like the brightest, shiniest parts of my personality, distilled into a pair of boots.

I’ve loved cowboy boots since I was a teen, when I would wear them with all sorts of wild outfits. They add a certain air of rough-and-tumble-ness to otherwise feminine ensembles, which has always felt right to me as a queer femme who grew up as a tomboy. These Jeffrey Campbell ones are just the next step in my ~cowboy boots journey~!

 

Tarina Tarantino red heart necklace

I’ve written about these necklaces before, but this year I acquired a new one for my collection in a shade of rich, bright red, and I love it. It’s wild how many outfits it goes with. It instantly jazzes up more casual ensembles, while bringing a sense of whimsy to my fancier looks.

Most memorably, I wore this necklace to my book launch party, knowing that it would make a lovely pendulum for our hypnokink demo – and it did! It felt like a magic trick, turning a piece of jewelry into a kink implement right before the audience’s eyes. I hope to add at least a couple more of these heart necklaces to my collection eventually!

 

Yokoo extra-large Warmer cowl in blueberry

Yokoo Gibraan makes some of the cutest, coziest knitwear on the planet. I saved up and bought myself a small red cowl from this shop when I was in university, but more recently I was able to get a larger one in a gorgeous shade of navy blue.

Having suffered from seasonal depression and poor circulation my entire life, winter is usually a dreadful, saddening time for me; too often I spend my days indoors with soup and a heating pad, even if I’d like to venture outside, because the cold is so depressing and uncomfortable. So it makes a big difference in my life if I can actually feel warm enough when I go out. Putting on this cowl over a coat or sweater brings some instant cozy cheer into my day, and for that, it was well worth the price.

 

Coach Cashin Carry tote in pink

This was definitely one of my most-used bags of the year. I had Matt buy it for me as a findom present while I was staying in NYC in early 2021, but we had it sent to my home in Toronto and my travel got repeatedly delayed, so I wasn’t actually united with this bag until I got back to Canada at the end of April – but as soon as I saw it in person, I was delighted that it was mine.

Surprisingly roomy for its petite size, this raspberry-pink structured leather tote is based on a 1969 design by Bonnie Cashin, Coach’s first lead designer. I love bags that look like they could have been made in the ’50s or ’60s, so this is right up my alley. I love that it can be carried by the handles or by its crossbody strap, and that it’s small enough to be unobtrusive but large enough to carry my notebook, wallet, glasses, phone, lipstick, hand sanitizer, pill box, and more.

 

“101 Kinky Things” custom-stitched hat from Printful

Shortly before my book launched, I decided I wanted to own some kind of “merch” featuring its cover text, but I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted. I experimented with mugs, tote bags, face masks, and other memorabilia on various custom-printing sites, but eventually I discovered that Printful.com will custom-stitch text or imagery onto the front of a snapback hat for you, and I was sold.

After working with me to finalize stitching color and placement, Printful sent me this beaut. I feel weirdly confident every time I wear it – and as a bonus, sporting it around town is basically free advertising for my book 😂

 

Kay Jewelers cultured pearl necklace

I wrote earlier this year about my love of pearl necklaces, and that love has endured. A simple string of pearls renders an outfit instantly classic and complete.

As someone who’s always loved “high-low” pairings, like wearing cowboy boots with a cocktail dress, I especially adore adding pearls to outfits that feel more 2021 than 1951. They feel like a link to my femme lineage, a timeless item that looks equally good on me as it would’ve on a mid-century housewife.

 

Black KN95 masks

Once again this year, face masks were an everyday necessity for many of us, and once again, I did my best to only wear ones that are comfortable, functional, and acceptably good-lookin’. They might not be the most glamorous item, but they were inescapably part of my “look” every time I went out this year, so I had to find ones I liked!

My everyday go-to masks this year were black KN95s, which my spouse introduced me to. They have a fantastic nose wire, are plain and relatively unobtrusive, and match every outfit. Sometimes, if I feel like wearing a more “fashion-y” mask that’s not as well-made, I’ll layer it over a KN95 to make sure I’m getting enough protection while still looking adorable. They’re an all-around great pick and I’m glad to have found them.

 

Calvin Klein modal slips

Calvin Klein makes some of my favorite sleepwear, and – as we’ve discussed – for me, there’s often a great deal of overlap between my sleepwear, loungewear, and casual outdoor outfits, so their stuff ends up playing a bigger role in my life than just being what I sleep in.

In particular, my short black modal slip and longer red modal slip from CK have gotten a ton of wear this year. I remember when I arrived at the hotel where I had to quarantine for 3 days alone after arriving home to Toronto in April, I felt so out of sorts from all the travel, COVID tests, etc., but as soon as I took a bath and slipped into my red CK clip, I felt so much better. It’s the type of clothing that makes life feel more beautiful and comfortable, and I really can’t ask for more than that.

 

Marissa Zappas “Paradise Edition” and Euphorium Brooklyn “Suédois” perfumes

I don’t really wear perfume often enough for these to warrant their own separate entries, but they were definitely the scents I wore most this year. The perfumer Marissa Zappas created a perfume to accompany a book of poetry written by Rachel Rabbit White, the poetess and former sex worker/sex journalist, who I’ve admired for many years. When I read that the scent was ’90s-inspired and contained breezy notes like jasmine and bergamot, my curiosity was piqued, so I ordered a sample… and I ended up loving it so much that I eventually ordered a full-size bottle! I’m glad I snapped it up; it was limited edition, and it’s so endlessly sexy, girly, and serene that I would’ve been sad to say goodbye to it when my sample ran dry.

There’s also Suédois by Euphorium Brooklyn, the same parfumerie that my partner collaborated with to make me a custom perfume for my birthday a few years back. I like Suédois because it’s a leather scent (very sexy) but not cold or harsh like some leather scents can be. It backs up the titular suede note with wildflower, sandalwood, raspberry, and Bavarian cream, which all combine to create a coziness seldom experienced in leathery fragrances. I’ve been wearing it a lot lately while lounging around the house and it makes me feel so good!

 

MeUndies rompers

Clothes from MeUndies have showed up on this list before, and for good reason: their modal fabric is some of the comfiest I’ve ever felt, and becomes more and more crucial to my life the more that chronic illness wracks my body.

Their rompers, in particular, were some of my fave items to wear around the house (and sometimes out of the house) this year. They’re so comfortable that I can barely feel them when they’re on (always a plus for someone who occasionally finds jeans and bras agonizing), and they have pockets! I wish I had one in every color.

 

Chrome-plated ash cane

My fibromyalgia symptoms were pretty rough this year, to the point that I decided to buy a cane for those days when my ankles and knees are screaming with pain. I wasn’t thrilled about having to get one, so I decided it had to be cute, so that I’d actually want to use it. I’m a femme; my accessories need to match my outfits!

I looked at lots of flashier ones, but eventually settled on this blue ash cane with a chrome T-shaped handle. It does what I hoped it would do in terms of helping me walk more easily, and its beauty makes me feel less depressed about being disabled, which is all I could really ask for.

 

Tiffany & Co. pet collar

When my now-spouse first collared me back in 2018, we knew that the collar itself was merely an object that symbolized something bigger and more abstract – our devotion to each other and to our D/s dynamic – and that, as such, we would likely need to upgrade to a new collar every once in a while. This is a normal thing in many long-term D/s dynamics, since most collars accumulate wear and tear over the years, or begin to feel less representative of the people who own it, so that an update may start to feel like the right choice.

At some point this year, I began seeing lots of targeted advertisements in my feeds for this Tiffany’s dog collar, because clearly the algorithms know me well. Tiffany’s made my engagement ring and our wedding rings, so Matt and I thought it would be romantic and fun if this was our next collar. They gave it to me for our first wedding anniversary in November, and I love it! It’s definitely not as comfortable or flexible as a collar made for people, but I’m pretty sure that it will soften with use over time. The blue and silver color scheme is perfect, matches much of my wardrobe, and reminds me every time I see it of our marriage and our love. 💙

 

What fashion and beauty items made you happiest this year?

The Best Sex Gifts to Buy This Black Friday

If you’re anything like me, you’re probably scrambling to find holiday gifts for your loved ones right about now. “How is it the end of November already?!” you’re screeching. “I’m not ready!!”

Well, good news: I’ve assembled some of my favorite gift-worthy sex products into one post, so you can make informed decisions and support rad sex shops while also getting great gifts for people you adore. It’s a win-win-win!

 

For cunnilingus aficionados

I’m talking here about people who love receiving cunnilingus… People who love giving cunnilingus might want a sex doll instead! (I’m only half-joking…)

“Pressure-wave” toys use rhythmic bursts of air to create “touchless” stimulation of the clitoris that can feel quite a bit like oral sex for some people. For Cyber Week, my pals at Peepshow Toys are offering two of the most popular pressure-wave toys at uncommonly low prices. The Satisfyer Curvy 3+ is an elegant and discreet toy that normally goes for $60 but is on sale currently for just $29 (no code needed); it’s remotely controllable via Satisfyer’s smartphone app, and also optionally combines vibration with its pressure waves.

If you want something similar but without all the bells and whistles, the Satisfyer Pro 2 is a classic. It’s waterproof, too, making it an ideal bathtime companion. You can grab it for just $30 this week (no code needed).

 

For adventurous fans of penile pleasure

Vibrators for penises were super uncommon just a few years ago, but the industry is finally starting to provide supply for that particular demand. The Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo is consistently one of the best-reviewed dick vibes on the market. This week, you can grab it at Peepshow for just $120 (no code needed), and they’ll even throw in a bottle of lube.

My other favorite penis vibe, the Fun Factory Manta, is on sale this week too. It’s a flexible silicone vibrator that combines well with handjobs and blowjobs or can be used on its own for focused frenulum pleasure. Normally $140, you can use the coupon code “BEACH” to get 20% off your order, bringing the price down to just $112.

 

For strap-on enthusiasts

My all-time favorite harness for strap-on play, the Aslan Leather Jaguar, is delightfully discounted right now! I love its classically kinky aesthetic, and the amount of control you get with it when the straps are properly tightened and adjusted. Use the code “BEACH” to get 10% off this handmade stunner, bringing its price down to just $86 (a pretty unheard-of price for this particular harness).

The Vixen Creations Mustang is a comfortably squishy realistic dildo that I’d heartily recommend to any strap-on beginner, so long as its size works for their partner(s). It’s usually $106, but right now you can use the code “BEACH” to grab it for only $90. Score!

 

For A-spot explorers

Fans of deep penetration ought to appreciate the lengthy (not to mention beautiful) Uberrime Night King. It’s one of my favorite dildos for hitting one of my favorite spots, and right now it’s going for just $102 with the code “BEACH.”

I’d also be remiss not to mention the formidable Njoy Eleven, which hits my A-spot so well and so hard that orgasms with it frequently make me cry. If you’ve been holding out for a good deal on one, this might be the time: it normally costs a cool $400 but right now you can use the code “BEACH” to get it for $300 instead.

 

For people who love having their balls played with

As you might recall, I’m a big fan of the Balldo, an innovative product that basically turns your balls into a dildo, with which you can fuck your partner. (Read my review here.) If you choose to buy this for someone, it’s nearly guaranteed they won’t have heard of it, and you might just blow their mind – especially if they end up having a “ballgasm”! Give it to someone who adores ball stimulation and/or someone who always likes to try whatever weird new thing everyone is talking about!

For someone who’s curious about the potential pleasures of vibration on their balls – or the surrounding area, including the perineum – I’d recommend the Dame Pom. It has a powerful motor and a comfortable shape for nestling into the palm of your hand and cupping against those sensitive bits during masturbation, a blowjob, a handjob, or even PIV (if your arms are flexible enough!).

 

For kinky fuckers

One of the easiest ways to start incorporating bondage into your sex life is to get yourself a Sportsheets Under-the-Bed Restraints set. All you have to do is slide its straps under your mattress, attach the included wrist and ankle cuffs, and you’re good to go! This version of the set also comes with a blindfold for added excitement. You can get the whole shebang for just $68 with the code “BEACH.”

Sadomasochists may want to pick up a Kinklab Neon Wand electrosex kit this holiday season. Electrostimulation is a truly unique type of pain, and this kit comes with several different attachments so you can try out a variety of sensations. Normally $146, you can get the whole set for $117 with the code “BEACH.”

If someone in your life is kink-curious but not sure where to start, you could give them a copy of my book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do! It’s a fantastic jumping-off point for people whose sexual tastes veer onto the road less traveled.

How to Discover Your New Favorite Sexy Roleplay

Photo from my Wednesday Addams photoshoot with Cadence Lee back in 2017

Ah, roleplay. For something that is literally just grown-up playtime, it sure can cause a lot of stress and confusion. Many people wonder (sometimes in my inbox) how to get started with roleplay, what their favorite roleplays mean about them, and what scenarios they should explore through roleplay.

That last question is what I’m focusing on today. Once you know you want to try “sexy improv” (as I affectionately refer to roleplay), how do you know who you want to roleplay as?! Here are some suggestions to help you brainstorm…

 

1. Examine the media that turns you on.

Do you reliably feel a little randy when you watch Gerri and Roman verbally spar in the humiliation scenes of Succession? Does your erotic imagination continually wander back to the hypnokink antics in The Jungle Book? Do you fantasize about being wanted as fervently as Joe wants his stalking victims in You? (Am I just listing my own kinks here? Who can say…)

Media is often one of the first places we encounter dynamics we’d later like to embody and act out ourselves. It’s worth paying attention to which characters, relationships, situations, and power dynamics get your motor running, so you can translate their hottest elements into a sexy scene with a partner someday.

 

2. Ponder the words you love to call people, or to be called.

If you’ve noticed your knees get weak when you call a partner “boss,” or when an authority figure calls you “young lady,” for example, that’s useful information.

If you like, try making a list of all the titles and honorifics you can think of – sir, madam, doctor, your honor, your majesty, captain, and so on. Go through the list and take a moment to imagine what it would be like to call an attractive person each title on the list, or how it would feel if an attractive person were to call you these names. Circle the ones that make your heart beat faster and file that info away for future roleplays!

 

3. Take a quiz.

The Cheztoon ‘How Kinky Are You?’ quiz, for example, can help you narrow down the kinky archetypes you’re most drawn to. Take it with a partner, share your results with one another, and discuss!

I could also see it being useful to take a silly online quiz that tells you which character from your favorite media property you’re most similar to. For instance, I just took a “What Mean Girls character are you?” quiz on Buzzfeed and it told me that I’m Janis Ian. Extremely into the idea of a Janis-and-Regina-inspired roleplay!

 

4. Ask yourself how you want to feel.

Different people are drawn to kinky roleplay for different reasons, and it’s useful to figure out your own motivations when devising new roleplay scenarios. Do you want to feel submissive? Dominant? Innocent? Powerful? Slutty? Evil? Ravaged? Indulged? Punished? Adored?

Write down all the emotions you like to feel, whether in kink or just in life, and use that list to extrapolate some roleplay situations you might enjoy.

 

5. Consider costuming.

While costumes are absolutely not a requirement for roleplay, they can make scenes feel more authentic and grounded in reality. But also, you can consider which clothing items make you feel sexiest, and devise a roleplay based on those choices.

For example, I’ve always felt super cute in short pleated skirts and kneesocks, so a schoolgirl/teacher roleplay is a natural fit for me. I’ve had partners who felt most “themselves” in an elegant suit, suggesting they might enjoy playing a powerful entrepreneur in a boss/secretary roleplay or somesuch. If a black latex catsuit sounds like the hottest possible thing you could wear, maybe you’re jonesing for a Catwoman/Batman roleplay. You get the idea!

 

What methods have you used to brainstorm future roleplay scenes?

 

This post was sponsored by Cheztoon Take the Kink Quiz. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Do Dildos Feel Better Than Dicks?

There are many annoying questions I face on a regular basis as a result of being a sex toy reviewer. One of them is, “So you just get paid to masturbate all day?” (Hahahaha, no.) Another is, “And your spouse is okay with that?!” (Um, yes; it’s part of why they married me!) But that second question is usually just a precursor to a third, even more irritating question: “So what’s better – a dildo or a human dick?”

Trust me when I say that this is like asking if a cold bottled Coke is more delicious than a hand-mixed cocktail, or like asking if I’d rather watch a movie cozied up at home with loved ones or tilted back in my chair at an IMAX theatre, or like asking if I’d prefer to see Shakespeare in the park featuring local actors or Shakespeare performed in a high-budget movie starring Anthony Hopkins. Which is to say… there is (for me at least) no clear, definitive answer, because comparing the two in the first place is an erroneous thing to do. They are simply not comparable. Each exists to address a particular mood, or need, or whim. I wouldn’t say it’s a choice between “apples and oranges,” exactly; it’s more like the choice between a fresh juicy apple pulled straight off the tree or a simmered and spiced apple crumble prepared by a skilled chef. It really just depends on what you’re craving.

Dildos can hit some spots dicks can hit, and some spots they cannot. Dicks are warm by default, unless you’re dating a vampire; sex toys are not, though you can pre-warm them if you want to. Humans can cuddle you, talk dirty to you, make you feel loved and appreciated; dildos simply can’t. You wouldn’t ask a human being to punch a nail into a plank with their bare fist; you’d use a hammer. Likewise, you wouldn’t use a hammer to play the piano (I fucking hope); you’d ask a human, one with graceful fingers and a musical mind, to play instead. Hammers and humans do not have the same skillset, and neither do dildos and dicks. It’s a fool’s errand to expect one to be able to do all the things the other is capable of.

I’ll say, too, that this question – “Are dildos better than dicks?” – is posed almost exclusively by people who apparently haven’t realized you can combine sex toys with human penises. Sex toys are still too often framed in mainstream sexual discourse as something a person (typically a cisgender, heterosexual woman) uses alone, often as a direct result of finding human sexual partners unsatisfactory or unattainable.

But this just has not been my experience of sexuality at any point in my life, whether I’ve been fucking men, women, nonbinary people, or some combination thereof. I’m deeply turned off by people who find sex toys threatening or distasteful, so the people I end up sexually entangled with are usually quite enthusiastic about incorporating toys into our play, particularly since I have so many of them. I would say sex toys are a part of literally about 98-99% of the sex I have these days – and rather than ever being a replacement for a partner, they tend to supplement and complement a partner’s skills, making touch more pleasurable and orgasm more attainable.

In every case, my partner is still present and engaged in what we’re doing together, so it would be inaccurate to say that the toy gave me an orgasm when in fact it was the toy in my partner’s hand that did so – or the toy in my own hand while my partner provided the psychological context that enabled me to get off. In many cases it doesn’t even matter if the toy is automated, as with vibrators with pulsing patterns, pressure-wave toys that suck my clit in rhythmic waves, or thrusting dildos like these ones; it was still my partner’s presence that made the sensations hot in a different way than they are when I’m alone, and so it was inherently a partnered experience even if my partner played a role closer to narrator or observer than direct participant.

My inboxes and DMs will probably always abound with messages from people who envy their partner’s toy(s), and people who resent their partner’s toy envy. While it’s tempting for me to tell the latter type of person to “dump the motherfucker already” because toxic views of sex toys are a red flag in my mind, I know that not everyone feels that way, and some people are willing to put in the work to help a partner become comfortable with toy usage. For those people, my advice would be:

  1. Emphasize what your partner brings to the table. Make it clear to them that they are providing value that goes above and beyond (or is simply different than) what a toy can offer.
  2. Emphasize, too, your own pleasure and how much you desire it. Presumably one of the things your partner finds hot about fucking you is seeing/hearing/feeling you experience pleasure, and toys can amp that up. (If they’re not that interested in your pleasure, well, maybe they’re not a good person for you to be sleeping with.)
  3. Maybe don’t skip straight to huge, hyper-realistic dildos if your partner is sensitive about their dick size or prowess. Small toys might be easier for those folks to handle initially. (But also, your preferences matter here too, so if you’re all about huge dildos, don’t let a partner shame you out of that perfectly valid desire.)

My hope is that toys will someday be so utterly un-taboo that they will easily become part of the sex lives of anyone who wants to use them. We’re not quite there yet, not only for the reasons outlined in this post but also for cost reasons, health and safety reasons, geographic access reasons, and more – but I’m holding out hope for shame-free, pleasurable, technologically-enhanced sexuality for all who desire it.

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

4 Unique Sex Toys I’m Extremely Curious About

CalExotics Impulse Intimate E-Stimulator Remote Dual Kegel Exerciser

I’ve been curious about the pleasure possibilities of genital electrostimulation ever since the Jopen Intensity E-stim vibrator was introduced in 2012 or so. It was a rabbit vibe that purported to rhythmically zap your Kegel muscles so as to trigger muscle contractions, which would be, in theory, pleasurable. I’ve also heard many stories and rumors over the years about electrostim’s supposed ability to trigger actual orgasms, in much the same way as “ram ejaculators” are used to collect precious semen from prized livestock. I’ve heard that this method, known as “electroejaculation,” can be used to help paraplegic or quadriplegic men ejaculate so they can have biological children, for instance, which is fascinating.

This Kegel toy isn’t doing anything that sophisticated, but it works on a similar principle. Apparently it sends out electric pulses to your pelvic muscles, making them contract and relax rhythmically and thereby promoting increased muscle tone, which can lead to stronger, longer orgasms. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be brave enough to apply electricity to my genitals, no matter how mild it may be – but this toy certainly makes it seem easy, not to mention tempting.

 

Fantasy For Her Ultimate Pleasure

I’ve tried several times, in vain, to get sex toy shops to send me this toy to review – but they’ve always chosen to send me other toys from my list instead. I think the reason is that this one is pretty expensive ($159.99) and unconventional, so it’s a risky choice to send to a reviewer. But I’m just so curious about it!

It seems like every sex toy store on the internet now sells oral sex simulators. I’ve tried many, and they achieve their goal to varying degrees of success. But this one is unique in its mechanism: it pairs a motorized “tongue” with both suction and vibration. I think – but do not know for sure – that this toy would actually feel somewhat like the kind of oral sex I tend to prefer, unlike pressure-wave toys like the Womanizer and Satisfyer, which create suction in a less direct way than this toy does.

Would it be fantastic? Would it be disappointing? I have no idea, but I’d like to find out.

 

CalExotics “Nipplettes” vibrating nipple clamps

I had to write about these for a copywriting client of mine and couldn’t stop giggling over them being called “nipplettes.” How delightfully absurd.

Despite having worked at two different adult shops that carried them, I have never actually tried vibrating nipple clamps. The clamps themselves are typically enough for me – I am a masochist, after all. But I also know that I’ve occasionally enjoyed holding a small vibrator against my nipples while warming myself up for a masturbation sesh, so I wonder if these vibrating clamps would take that relatively mild pleasure to the next level.

I imagine they’d at least be a good solution for people who love nipple stim but don’t want to have to constantly provide it for themselves during sex. Sometimes you want to do other stuff with your hands, y’know?

 

Pipedream Extreme Fuck My Cock

Okay, this one is a bit silly. And yet somehow also fascinating.

There’s a whole range of “adult novelties” marketed at cis men that are based on fantastical premises. I mean “fantastical” in the sense of “having to do with one’s fantasies.” Almost no one probably wants to actually fuck a tiny disembodied human butt attached to a big disembodied human dick, but I can see how a lot of people might want to fuck something that feels good and looks like a butt, while simultaneously being able to ogle and stroke a dick other than their own. If butts and dicks are a huge focus of your fantasies, this stroker probably seems like a literal dream come true.

Other such fantasy-based strokers I’ve seen included a vagina placed uncomfortably close to a pair of boobs, a tube with a mouth at one end and a pussy at the other, and even a vagina embedded in what appears to be a football, presumably for the benefit of horny jocks (Google it if you dare). While these types of toys often feel objectifying in a vaguely misogynist way, they certainly do tap into some people’s fantasies… sometimes resulting in creations that would give Picasso and Escher a run for their money. If the uncanny valley were an orifice, it would be this stroker.

 

This post was sponsored by IntimateNeed.com, which carries over 3,000 different products! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.