Kinky Cuties & Their Book-Spurred Adventures

Kate Sloan

As an author, it’s hard not to imagine the people who’ll read your words as you’re writing them. When I was writing 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do – which is coming out on October 12th and available for preorder now! – I thought a lot about who I hoped would read it.

It’s geared toward vanilla people and total beginners to kink, although I think there’s still plenty in it that more advanced kinksters will find interesting and illuminating, by sheer virtue of the fact that it really does contain one hundred and one different kinks. You’re sure to find something in it that you’ve never tried before, and that’s really thrilling to me!

Here are 3 totally fictional people I imagine would read my book, and the stories of how they found it…

 

Jess stuffs 101 Kinky Things into their backpack as they leave the bookstore, and starts their walk back to their apartment, already rehearsing the speech they plan to bust out when they arrive home.

Hey Kyla? You know that lipstick you wear sometimes? The red one?

Their sneaker soles hit the sidewalk pavement with sharp snapping noises, their pace picking up. Jess is more terrified by the conversation that awaits them than they are by anything they’ve encountered in their sports journalism dayjob; live post-game interviews with towering basketball players are way less intimidating than telling your girlfriend about your secret fetish.

Well, uh, I found this book that talks about how lipstick can be a kink for some people… and I was wondering…

Making quick work of the downhill trek, Jess lets their mind wander to the last time they had sex with Kyla. Her soft mewls and pillowy curves under Jess’s muscled body. Her kisses and caresses becoming steadily more desperate as Jess slammed into her with their blue silicone cock. The way her wavy crimson hair frizzed up from all the sweat. Jess’s clit throbs in their boxer-briefs at the thought.

I thought maybe it would be cool if you gave me a blowjob in lipstick, so I could… see whether it’s really something I’m interested in… maybe?

Jess’s key seems way too loud in their apartment door as they let themself in. Kyla’s sprawled on the couch, munching a salad and watching Top Chef. “Hey, babe!” she calls. “How was work?”

“It was okay,” Jess hedges, and tugs the book from their backpack. “Um, I wanna talk to you about something but I’m kinda embarrassed.” Kyla mutes the TV show and quirks an eyebrow. Ruffling their short dark hair, Jess checks the book’s table of contents and adds, “Can you flip to page 159 and let me know what you think?” Despite all their practicing, they just can’t quite bring themselves to say the words.

Kyla takes the book from Jess, a quizzical look in her eyes, and finds the page in question. As she reads, her eyes don’t widen in fear or narrow in disgust; instead, they light up, delight gradually filling them like the dawn of a new day. When she’s done, she lifts her head to look at Jess, who’s taken a seat beside her on the couch. “Shall I go get my tube of ‘Lucky Red’?” she asks mischievously. Jess bites their lip and nods, already hard and throbbing.

Anna was tired of the pitying looks her friends always gave her when she talked about her divorce over brunch. Couldn’t they see that it was something to be celebrated? Sure, she and Tom had been together for 22 years, but that didn’t mean they were destined to be together forever. In fact, she mused to herself as she walked away from the last settlement signing session at Tom’s lawyers’ office, it had been a long time since she’d felt this happy and free.

Having taken the day off from the art gallery for the occasion, she figured she’d go shopping (with some of Tom’s money, admittedly) and find herself something pretty to celebrate her newly reclaimed singlehood. But the Chanel, Gucci, and YSL shops didn’t light her fire as much as they once had. It was only when she stopped into an upscale bookshop and saw glimmering gold text proclaiming “101 Kinky Things“ that she felt a spark of something like excitement.

As she paged through the text, she couldn’t help but reflect on all the late-night arguments she and Tom had had, probably waking their neighbors with their antics. It was always some version of the same fight: she wanted sexual adventure; Tom didn’t. She wanted to go to the local sex club and try out swinging; Tom didn’t. She wanted to experiment with bondage, sensory deprivation, facesitting; Tom didn’t. She wanted him to appreciate (or even just acknowledge) the pearl-handled flogger she’d brought home from Agent Provocateur; Tom didn’t.

When Anna landed on the page titled “Dominance,” her breath caught. A blush crept onto her cheeks and she had to remind herself mentally that the bookish strangers milling around her couldn’t possibly know about the femdom porn she feverishly flipped through late at night. They couldn’t possibly know that her ex-husband’s utter disinterest in submitting to her had been the nail in the coffin of their doomed relationship. No one knew that except Anna’s leatherbound diary and her best friend Janine, truth be told. And maybe the people at PornHub.

Tucking the book under her arm, Anna sidled up to the cash register and handed her new treasure to the clerk. He swept his dark brown curls out of his eyes before scanning the book’s barcode, and Anna looked him up and down like a hungry wolf finally allowed to prowl free. His nametag said Danny. “I’ve heard good things about this one,” he said conversationally, taking her heavy gold credit card from her hands.

“Always good to learn something new,” Anna purred with a smirk, before scribbling her number on Danny’s copy of her receipt. “And to have someone to practice with.” She winked, and then strolled out into the sunshine, a new woman.

It had been 3 weeks since Sadie had been to the dungeon, but she couldn’t stop thinking about the scene she’d seen there.

Her friend Marissa had taken her along. Sadie, a notoriously shy and anxious femme, had been a wallflower at every kinky or queer event she’d ever been to. She couldn’t help it – her body just seized up with panic whenever she stepped into one of those spaces, like every moment was a matter of life and death. Far too often, she’d found herself face-to-face with some hot butch girl or charming trans boy or leather-clad enby and found she could barely get any words out. If she couldn’t even say “Hi, I’m Sadie,” she wasn’t sure how she’d ever manage to actually meet someone and ask for what she wanted in bed.

The dungeon had been different, though, because Sadie had been allowed to just observe. In fact, she’d been encouraged to do so. Marissa, a towering blonde with a staggering amount of confidence, had tugged Sadie to a leather sofa at the side of the room. “Sit here. Watch,” said Marissa, before strutting over to the St. Andrew’s cross and simply waiting. Marissa was the type of beauty who could just show up in a room and people would be drawn to her like flies. It wasn’t long before a boyish lesbian with an emerald fauxhawk strode up and started whispering to Marissa. Sadie couldn’t hear the words, but she could tell from Marissa’s sweet smile and coy body language that there was flirting going on.

What had followed was a knife play scene, something Sadie had never even heard of before, let alone witnessed. The fauxhawked girl had a thing for knives, and Marissa had a thing for adventure, so before too long she was cuffed to the cross, spread-eagle, with the blade of a cold steel knife being slowly and carefully dragged across her skin. It left dainty white marks against the pink of her breasts and belly and arms and thighs. Sadie shivered in her seat. She was so utterly rapt that when a Bettie Page-looking femme sat down beside her and tried to chat her up, all she could manage was, “Sorry, I’m watching my friend’s scene.” She was a useless flirt anyway but she’d be especially useless right then.

Sadie was pondering that fateful knife-play scene, yet again, as she walked uptown to the queer book club Marissa had invited her to. “You like nerds, right?” Marissa had said. “Book clubs are total nerd bait.” Sadie was surprised when she knocked on the door at the address she’d been given and the person who answered was that same Bettie Page lookalike who’d attempted to talk to her at the dungeon.

“I remember you!” the girl practically shouted, immediately so much more gregarious than Sadie had ever been. “Come in! I’m Lulu. Want a beer?”

As a brand-new member, Sadie hadn’t done that week’s reading, but the group was happy to fill her in. A bespectacled androgyne handed her a copy of 101 Kinky Things. “It’s new,” Lulu explained. “There’s a lot of information in there.” The others laughed in agreement.

While everyone chattered happily around her, Sadie started to flip through the book, eventually stopping on a page titled “Fear Play.” A now-familiar shiver went through her as she read the author’s suggestion to “replicate the terror of being held at knifepoint” by showing one’s partner a big, scary knife, blindfolding them, and touching them with a butter knife or credit card instead, letting their fearful mind fill in the rest. She was so absorbed in the words that she barely noticed when Lulu knelt beside her and handed her the aforementioned beer.

“Are you a pervert like me?” Lulu asked with a dark giggle. “Because I love scaring the shit out of pretty girls.”

Sadie gulped, blushed, and managed to get a word out at long last. “Yes.”

Curious? Preorder your copy and let me know what adventures you get up to once you read it! 😉

Why Are Pearl Necklaces So Damn Sexy?

Kate Sloan

Sometimes I just get obsessed with a particular fashion item and I don’t know why. It’s like being struck by a new kinky fantasy: it’ll pop into my head one day, or I’ll see it in a piece of media or hear someone talking about it, and I’ll fall down a mad rabbit hole of Googling (or Pinterest-ing). Most recently, I felt this way about pearl necklaces.

You know, the classic jewelry item worn by style icons like Jackie Kennedy Onassis and Grace Kelly? The kind of thing you see on women in period dramas like Mad Men and The Crown? Yeah, those.

I find them not only gorgeous, classy, and timeless, but also sexy somehow. At first blush, it would seem obvious why: there’s a sex act known colloquially as the “pearl necklace,” in which someone ejaculates onto someone else’s chest and décolletage, creating a pearly effect. But that’s never been a kink of mine, and I don’t even particularly like watching this act performed in porn – if the coming isn’t happening inside somebody’s orifice, I’m probably not interested! #InternalCumshots4Lyfe

So the question then becomes, what is it about pearls as a jewelry item that is so alluring to me?

In answering this, my mind goes straight to the phrase “clutching pearls.” To clutch one’s pearls is to react with shock and dismay to something, and it’s a phrase typically associated with upper-class types, or morally “superior” types, reacting to something they consider low-class or immoral. (Think: Helen Lovejoy in The Simpsons screaming “Won’t somebody please think of the children?!?”)

I am decidedly middle-class and don’t consider myself a moral authority on anything, so this isn’t an image I can directly relate to – but in some ways, that’s what makes it hot. The idea of pretending to be a certain type of woman that I definitely am not – of co-opting a classy aesthetic to conceal the mischievous mind behind it all.

Pearls’ associations with 1950s housewives also appeal to me. A standard string of pearls isn’t super long, so you can do household chores while you’re wearing it and not worry about dropping diamonds in the dishwasher or sapphires down the sink drain. This delights my inner submissive, and fills my head with images of waiting around dutifully for my spouse to get home from a long day of work, to a clean house, a hot meal, and a hot wife.

The financial aspect of pearls also definitely adds to their charm for me. It’s not that they have to be wildly expensive – the two strings of pearls I own are from Horae and Kay’s, and cost $45 and $100, respectively – but they have the air of being expensive, and for me, that’s enough. I’ve explored financial fetishism from several different angles, and my newest pearl necklace was sweetly bought for me by my partner as a financial domination task I assigned them; I can also imagine finding it deeply erotic for a sugar daddy(/sugar mama/glucose guardian) to buy me some pearls and place them around my neck before a glamorous dinner date. Like a perfectly-tailored suit or little black dress, they’re the sort of thing that can make you feel instantly richer, fancier, and more powerful (or more spoiled, as the case may be).

Notable, too, is that pearls don’t look out of place no matter what I’m wearing, and even when I’m wearing nothing. I feel very Marilyn when I spritz on a jasmine perfume, dab on some lipstick, clasp my pearls around my neck, and slink into bed completely naked. Rachel Rabbit White says she likes to have sex with her false lashes on, and I feel similarly – not only about lashes, but about lipstick and pearls, too. (And, uh, socks, but that’s neither here nor there…)

I’ve looked at a lot of pearl jewelry online these past couple months, and many such pieces are far too ostentatious, expensive, or just plain weird-looking to attract my interest. It’s only the most timeless, simple, and elegant pieces that call my name. Someday I’d perhaps like to get a triple-strand pearl necklace, as those really take fanciness to the next level. But for now, I’m thrilled with the two very straightforward single strands I own. They go with everything, they gleam under every light, and they make me feel like the world’s sexiest little minx.

An Assortment of Sexy Objects I’m Enjoying

Kate Sloan

Astroglide X Silicone Liquid

Recently mb and I were wandering around in uptown New York, spending a staycation weekend enjoying the Central Park sunshine, when… the dreaded chub rub struck.

If you don’t know about chub rub, well, I envy you. It’s the phenomenon of body parts sliding against one another in a painful and irritating way, often exacerbated by sweat and humidity. I inevitably get at least a few really painful bouts of chub rub between my thighs every summer, because as much as I try to be careful about wearing cotton bike shorts under my dresses, you just can’t always predict when you’ll want (or need) to go for a long stroll.

That’s what happened to me during our late-spring staycation, and I didn’t want to give up and go back to the hotel – so we stopped at a CVS and went in search of silicone-based lube, an oft-recommended preventative measure against chub rub. Silicone reduces the friction between thighs (or other chub-rubbin’ body parts), so that they slide more smoothly against one another and get less irritated.

The only one I could find in the drugstore was this unostentatious purple-capped bottle from Astroglide – but notably, silicone-based lubes don’t actually differ all that much from one another. Much like Uberlube – the most widely beloved silicone lube amongst my friend group, and a noted anti-chub-rub agent – this Astroglide one is long-lasting, slick as hell, and essentially tasteless except for a very mild powdery flavor. This one is cheaper and more widely available, although its packaging certainly isn’t as glamorous as Uberlube’s. In any case, it nixed my impending chub rub and worked well for a handjob later that night, so I’m happy with my purchase!

BMS Factory Essential Bullet

Could it possibly be true? A rechargeable bullet vibrator for just $21… and it’s actually good?!?

BMS is renowned for their rumbly motors – the earthshattering Swan Wand is a prime example – and this bullet is one of its most stripped-down iterations. Seeing that it’s also USB-rechargeable, swathed in satiny silicone, and fully waterproof, this vibe could easily be viewed as a cheaper dupe of the revered We-Vibe Tango X – and at about a quarter of the price, that’s pretty astonishing.

I personally will probably continue to use my Tango X more often, though, for a few reasons: it has a higher number of steady vibration speeds (8 to the Essential Bullet’s 4), has three different buttons (as opposed to the Essential Bullet’s one button you have to click to cycle through its settings), and has a pointed/angled tip that allows for several different types/intensities of clitoral stimulation (the Essential Bullet’s classic rounded shape isn’t as versatile, though it will fit into bullet-compatible toys more easily).

That said, I’m very impressed with this toy for its price point, and the fact that it comes with a travel-friendly zippered hard storage case (which also fits its charging cable) just sweetens the deal, especially for someone in a long-distance relationship like me. If you want powerful vibrations on a budget, in a tiny package, get the Essential Bullet!

 

Zalo fox fur tickler

I’m not sure why, but this product doesn’t seem to be available anymore. Weird. Probably has something to do with the fox fur (no longer available? too expensive to acquire consistently? consumers got angry about it?) but it’s anyone’s guess. Anyway, I didn’t ask for this – and probably wouldn’t have, since it’s made with actual fur and I don’t feel great about that – but it was sent to me in a PR package of other Zalo stuff, so I thought I might as well try it out.

There’s no denying that this is a super elegant object. Its gold-toned stainless steel handle feels sexy and luxurious in my hand, and is long enough to give me good control without being cumbersome. The fur itself is cloudlike: white, soft, so gentle to the touch that you’re almost not sure it’s even there.

Ticklers are one of those items that a lot of vanilla people think kinky people would be into, but I hardly ever hear about any actual kinky people actually using them. This one is, at least, quite fancy and beautiful, unlike the cheapo ones that often find their way into sex conference swag bags and bachelorette kits along with sad buzzy fingertip vibes and papery blindfolds. I haven’t had a chance to use it in a scene yet, but I imagine it’d be fun combined with bondage and a blindfold, and perhaps contrasted with more intense sensations, like being hit with a leather strap or having a Wartenberg wheel rolled all over my body.

Real fur is an ethical line I admittedly have crossed before, but that was always with vintage furs, which IMO are in a different category morally because they’ve already been made and would likely end up in a landfill if no one bought them from consignment shops and thrift stores. I don’t feel good about recommending this product because it’s made of real fur, even though I think it’s beautiful and high-quality. Is anyone making gorgeous, luxurious faux-fur ticklers for kinky sensation play out there? I’d be curious to know!

Her Highness CBD pleasure oil

I’ve tried a few different sensation-enhancing products spiked with cannabinoids, and this one may be a top-tier fave, even after only using it a few times.

The main reason I like it: While it does contain peppermint oil like most other products of this type, the mint is quite toned-down in the formula compared to others I’ve tried. When there’s too much mint, my vulva gets so ridiculously overwhelmed by the minty intensity that all the oil’s other, more subtle effects become less noticeable. In the Her Highness version, the mint acts like a garnish in a cocktail, bringing out the sensations caused by the CBD without overpowering them.

Her Highness says this is “not a lube, it’s an orgasm enhancer.” Its two active ingredients work in tandem: CBD boosts relaxation and lubrication, while Spilanthes Acmella (had to Google that one!) is a vasorelaxant, meaning it improves circulation and prompts arousal. In my experience, the effects of CBD on the vulva, clitoris, and labia are fairly subtle – I definitely get aroused more easily, and my partner observes that it’s easier to get me off when we use CBD products, but it’s not, like, a whole new sensation or anything. I like that this oil allows me to appreciate those nuanced effects without proverbially drowning my genitals in peppermint oil.

As with all oils, don’t use this with condoms because it’ll degrade the latex. And as with all sexy CBD products, this one absorbs best if you massage it into mucous membranes, like the inner labia and inside of the vagina, which is why they don’t typically have much of an effect on penises (bummer!). But I like it and will continue to use it when I need a little help getting turned on!

 

Personal Fav Whet plant-based sex serum

The name of this product makes me laugh, especially when contrasted with its deeply elegant packaging.

This is a water-based lube with deliciously design-y branding. It lacks all the nasties you don’t want in your lube (glycerine, propylene glycol, parabens, etc.) and contains some active ingredients ideal for sex: hemp extract to amp up sensations, chamomile to calm any irritation, ginseng to enhance arousal, aloe vera to soothe your skin, and horny goat weed to increase desire. I haven’t really noticed these effects, to be honest, but it’s a good list of ingredients nonetheless!

This lube has basically no scent and a very mildly sweet taste, making it great for oral sex if you need some extra wetness. Like most water-based lubes, it dries out within a few minutes, but can easily be rehydrated by adding a little water (or, if you’re lazy/if you’re me, saliva or vaginal lubrication). It’s on the thinner side – I find most aloe lubes are – so it’s not ideal for activities that need a lot of lubrication and a lot of cushioning, like anal sex or fisting. As with many lubes of its ilk, I find it works best for vaginal penetration, because my vag getting wetter over time helps the lube stay wet the whole time I’m using it.

Frankly, though, one of my favorite things about this lube is its packaging! The matte black bottle is hard and won’t get squished in your handbag or suitcase; it’s also slim and space-effective. The shiny black plastic cap doesn’t fall off easily like so many other lube bottle caps. And it has a pump top, making it great for heat-of-the-moment lubin’. I can’t say the formula is my “personal fav” – it lacks the thick, luxurious glide of something like Sutil Rich – but it’s perfectly serviceable, and the durable, travel-friendly packaging means I’ll grab it more often than a lot of my other, better-formulated but less convenient lubes.

 

Zalo & Upko Doll Designer Collection silicone rose ballgag

This is the prettiest ballgag I’ve ever seen!! I wanted it desperately from the first moment I saw it in a Zalo press release that landed in my inbox. Ballgags are typically pretty utilitarian in appearance; this one is unapologetically fancy and (for my sensibilities, at least) glamorously femme.

The gag part is made of silky red silicone with no noticeable smell or taste. Metal snaps connect it to leather straps; I love being able to disconnect the straps so I can wash the gag without messing up the leather. You can also remove the rose part, leaving a simple red silicone ball with a hole through it, so this toy is a 2-in-1: you can use it on this “breathable setting” if you’re still getting used to ballgags, and then add in the rose when you want a more ~aesthetic~ vibe. (Zalo also notes that if you wanted to, you could poke a finger underneath the rose, through the hole, and into your partner’s mouth as a “finger tease,” but fingers in my mouth is a hard limit for me, so, nope. I know lots of people are into it though.)

I’ve only tried a couple of ballgags (I think?! I dunno, I’ve been doing this a long time) so I can’t compare this one to many others in its genre, but I will say that it’s quite comfortable but still produces the requisite amounts of powerlessness and drooling that gag aficionacos seem to adore. I’m not a frequent gag user at all, but I love the glamour of this one and I’m sure I’ll use it a lot in the fullness of time!

 

Thanks to Zalo, Her Highness, and Personal Fav for sending me these products to try! The first two in this post (Astroglide + Essential Bullet) were purchased with my own money.

Monthly Faves: Cannabis, Kink, & Quarantine

Kate Sloan

Hello, friends! I am writing this from the Toronto hotel where the Canadian government has mandated that I quarantine for a few days (at great expense, I might add), having just returned home from New York so I can get vaxxed in my home country. I’m annoyed about the huge fee (which, to be fair, covers enhanced sanitation procedures and meals), but trying to look on the bright side: I’m enormously privileged to be able to stay here, and I can think of it as a staycation of sorts, or maybe a writing retreat.

With that in mind, I thought I’d sit down at my cute little hotel-room desk and write a Monthly Faves, since it’s been a while. Here’s some of what brought me joy in April…

 

Media

• Any fans of the Harvest Moon franchise out there? I used to play Harvest Moon: Friends of Mineral Town obsessively as a youngin, and recently learned that an updated remake exists for the Switch. I only picked it up about a month ago and have already finished 5 in-game years, gotten married, and had a child… #LockdownLyfe, am I right?! I’m far from the first to observe that there is something wonderfully calming about playing idyllic, pastoral video games during times of global strife. The world may be on fire, but at least I can grow my crops and feed my chickens.

• Send this compelling Archie Crowley TED Talk to anyone you know who finds they/them pronouns and other trans terminology “too confusing” or “ungrammatical.” Archie’ll set ’em straight.

• I watched Q: Into the Storm, the new HBO documentary miniseries about QAnon, and really enjoyed it. Actually, mb and I were so enthralled by the first couple episodes that we ended up staying up and watching all 6 of them in a row. (Nerds!) I am fascinated by conspiracy theories, cults, and con men, and this series contains all of the above. Pretty terrifying that people actually believe this shit…

• I’ve been reading a lot of great books lately, but Tracy Clark-Flory’s new memoir Want Me was a definite standout. I hadn’t heard of Tracy until I saw her tell a story on a Bawdy Storytelling livestream recently, but the story she told was about being super horny while pregnant and overcoming shame about the types of fantasies pregnant people are or aren’t “supposed” to have, so of course I was intrigued! Her book is part memoir, part meditation on our sexual culture, particularly the ways in which women who date men are socialized to adopt strange behaviors and maybe-unnatural desires in order to appeal to men. Definitely a page-turner!

• Another book I read this month was Leigh Cowart’s forthcoming Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose; I scored an advance copy, but the book comes out in September. I would vehemently recommend this book to anyone who’s interested in pain from any angle: kink, chronic pain, psychology, biology, even philosophy. It explores various subcultures that participate in some form of deliberate masochism, whether that’s through running an ultramarathon or eating a super spicy pepper or, yes, BDSM. Leigh is a hilarious writer and I absolutely tore through their book!

 

Products

• One of my birthday gifts from mb was a leather strap from London Tanners, designed for “domestic discipline.” It is a leather fan’s wet dream, and hurts a hell of a lot (in a very good way)!

• There is something so classy and iconic about a simple pearl necklace. My partner recently bought me one, because I’d been sighing over pearl pics online a lot, and it really dresses up any outfit.

• Sugarpill lashes in the “Lullaby” style are so fucking dramatic. They rule. I’m still pretty new to the false eyelashes lifestyle (if such a thing could be said to exist), and I know there are so many more companies making all kinds of wild lashes out there, but Sugarpill’s ones are so consistently great that I find it hard to get motivated to branch out!

• I’ve been feeling a need lately to “flag” as chronically ill, because I have the sense that doing so could make me feel like less of a “disability impostor” and more like an actual member of the disabled community, and especially the invisibly disabled community (which I am!). I bought a “chronic pain warrior” pin and an “invisible illness club” pin from Etsy and have been loving wearing them on my leather jacket’s lapel.

• I was recently introduced to a cannabis company called Her Highness and I love their sleek, feminine, modern branding! They sent me a red lip ashtray (gorgeous!!) and their pleasure oil (pleasurable as advertised!), among other things, and I’m loving them so far. They also donate some of their proceeds to the Last Prisoner Project, because they’re committed to racial justice in the cannabis space.

 

Work & Appearances

• Hey, did you know that my book 101 Kinky Things You Can Do is available for preorder now?! No matter where you are in the world, you should be able to preorder your copy, so you’ll be able to start reading it right away when it launches in October. Exciting!!

• One of my podcasts, Question Box, has been on hiatus for a year, but recently came back for season 2! The first episode has a MUSICAL NUMBER in it, which was composed by my cohost and friend Brent Black. I had missed doing this show!

• My latest piece for the Insider is about the best sex toys for long-distance couples, a topic with which I am WELL-acquainted! It’s still a huge honor to write for such a rigorous and revered publication.

• I was super flattered that sexual folklorist Dixie De La Tour invited me to tell a story on a Bawdy Storytelling livestream this month! I’ve been a huge fan of Bawdy for ages and it was a literal dream come true to work with Dixie on a story and then tell it to the super supportive “Bawdience.” My story was about romance, mental illness, and espionage, and it might end up on the Bawdy podcast sometime – I’ll let you know when/if you can hear it!

• I did a bloggiversary livestream/concert way back in March, and it was one of my most fun nights in recent memory! Thanks to everyone who showed up to listen to my tunes; you made the day extra special. (Did you know my music is available for purchase on Bandcamp?)

• Some of my recent articles for the Andrew Blake blog were about sex furniture, the health benefits of sex, sex games, financial domination, the physiology of orgasm, how to tell your partner about your secret fetish, and the history of sex toys.

• I guested on the Between the Pages podcast this month, and it was so much fun! It’s a show that focuses on the intersections of books and sexuality. The episode I guested on (click here to listen) was a book club-style discussion of Kink, an anthology of short stories edited by R.O. Kwon and Garth Greenwell, and the conversation went to some very interesting and provocative places.

• On the Dildorks lately, we’ve discussed topics such as masochism, limits, medical play, and dating after COVID. I also interviewed the Bearded Scotsman about his audio erotica, and Bex and I celebrated 4/20 with our traditional yearly “highpotheticals” episode.

• In my newsletter, I’ve recently written about monogamy fetishism, a leather belt I once had a crush on, the gendered implications of pain, and ruined orgasms.

 

Good Causes

• The Butterfly Asian & Migrant Sex Workers Support Network is a good place to throw some dollars right now. Sure is a lot of racist violence in the news lately. Ugh.

• Asian Americans Advancing Justice is fighting for Asian-American civil rights.

• Police violence against Black people is an epidemic, and organizations like Don’t Shoot Portland are pushing for change and accountability.

• Speaking of police violence, Daunte Wright’s murder was yet another shocking injustice perpetrated by cops. His family set up a GoFundMe to cover funeral expenses, grief counselling, and more.

• The aforementioned Last Prisoner Project is doing crucial work, trying to achieve social justice by changing drug policies and helping people who’ve been incarcerated for drug crimes.

Review: Tantaly Scarlett Mini Sex Doll

Kate Sloan
Yes, I am wearing socks! Deal with it! 😂

Recently, sex doll company Tantaly reached out to me about doing a review. I asked my partner mb if they wanted to try a sex doll, and… of course they did! The one we picked is the Scarlett mini sex doll, and you can use the code GirlyJuice10 to get 10% off your entire order if you choose to buy Scarlett or any other doll on Tantaly’s site.

This isn’t a typical review; it’s a transcribed interview we did while mb was testing out the doll in various ways at my behest. So, be aware that there is sexual activity in this interview! I hope you enjoy…

Kate: Why did you choose this doll in particular?

mb: I looked at all of them, and there’s some weird things about the way that they’re sectioned on the website. The weirdest thing is that all of the ones that have Black skin are in a separate section that you don’t see by default, which is very strange and very weird. But they also separate full-size dolls from miniature ones. And I was thinking, I have a pretty small apartment and I don’t have a ton of room to store a human-sized object, so I looked at the miniature ones. I think this the best-reviewed or the most-purchased of those. Also, there are some that only have one entry hole, and I wanted to test one that had two at least.

Kate: How did you feel when the package arrived and you opened her up for the first time?

mb: Good question. Well, I live in a doorman building, so the first thing I felt was kind of like, Oh, it sucks that someone had to carry this 15-pound thing up to my apartment… They probably put it on a cart, but still I felt a little weird about that. And then I was like, well, could they tell it was a sex doll? They’re going to judge me every time I walk through my lobby. And I looked at the label on the box and I was like, no, it’s not obvious. Okay.

And then I was just curious. I was like, what’s it gonna feel like? Because I’d only seen pictures of a sex doll. I hadn’t really touched one before this, in a store or anything. So I didn’t know exactly what it would be like. What did you think when it arrived?

Kate: Oh, I mean, she’s very tiny.

mb: Yes. That’s… yes. After I opened it, that was my thought too. The smallest.

Kate: Well, at least she’s proportional, so she doesn’t look like a toddler, which is what I was concerned about.

mb: I was also concerned about that. Yes. I looked at the pictures and I was like, am I going to feel like this is weird for that reason? And no, I don’t think so. I mean, some people might, and that’s fine, but definitely it seems like an adult, even though your brain has to do some kind of like weird thing where it’s like, this is not an adult-sized person, so your brain kind of maps a human body onto this tiny thing. And I think my brain does that fairly naturally, even though the belly button is the size of, like, the tip of my pinky, but, you know.

Kate: What were your expectations about how using the doll would make you feel, both physically and emotionally?

mb: I had no idea how it would feel emotionally. That’s what I was most curious about. Physically, I figured it would just feel like fucking something, but not like fucking a person. And it felt more like fucking a person than I thought it would.

Kate: In what sense?

mb: I think the main reason is I don’t fuck strokers in the same position that I would fuck a sex doll. So they feel more like masturbating just because of the… like, I’m lying on my back, and I’m like doing a thing with my hand, whereas if I’m prone and like, fucking something, that feels different, just qualitatively, and I’m feeling a skin-like texture against me at the same time. With the visual, it all combines into a different feeling from a stroker.

Kate: Yeah. I was going to ask you, when would you tend to choose a sex doll over a stroker, or a stroker over a sex doll?

mb: If I was with a partner and I wanted to use a toy, I’d probably pick a stroker, unless there was some fantasy element where the sex doll came into play, like a threesome or a cuckolding scene or something. If I was by myself, I would pick a stroker if I was going for “quick and easy,” if I didn’t want to lug something out and have to clean it out in the sink afterward and the whole thing. But if I was missing human connection and I was alone and I had time, then I would use the doll, I think.

Kate: Can you go down on her a little bit?

[mb performs cunnilingus on the doll]

Kate: How would you compare this to the real thing, as a fan of cunnilingus?

mb: Hmm. Well, you can feel all the parts of the vulva, which is great. You don’t get any reactions, obviously, so you have to be able to imagine the reactions, which I can – or not care about them, I suppose. The textures are right. The taste is obviously not, since it’s not human skin so it’s not going to taste like that. And the smell is not right, but it’s not distracting or bothersome either. It’s totally fine. It’s the best version of fantasizing about oral sex that I’ve had, ’cause you’re in the right position and you have all the parts and all the parts feel like the right size and shape and they’re in the right spots. So that’s very helpful for constructing that fantasy.

Kate: Yeah. I was going to ask you, would you ever do this in the absence of a human partner to go down on?

mb: Oh yeah, totally. Cause like I love going down on people and that would be a turn-on for me inherently.

Kate:  Hmm. Interesting. Do you think on a fantasy level, you think of the doll more as a stand-in for a real-life person, or as its own sexual entity?

mb: Oh gosh. Well, I don’t think of it as a stand-in for a specific person. Like, I don’t think about a specific person usually when I’m touching it. So in that way, I guess it’s its own sexual entity. And I think it would be hard to mentally map this smaller-than-human body onto a specific regular-size human. Maybe with a full-size one, you could more easily order one that looks like the person you want to fantasize about, but for me, I think it’s its own thing.

If I was doing this by myself, I would put on cunnilingus porn just for the sounds.

Kate: Yeah, that makes sense.

mb: Yeah. That’s the biggest thing that’s missing. Taste is missing, and that’s a big thing, but the biggest thing is actually sound.

Kate: Hmm. Okay. Lie down and touch yourself to get yourself hard, and I’ll ask you another question while you do that.

mb: Okay.

Kate: It’s not a very arousing question.

mb: [laughs] That’s fine.

Kate: How do you feel about her being a headless, disembodied torso? Does it affect your experience in any way?

mb: It definitely is something you have to work around, but it’s not that hard for me to work around it. Like when I’m going down on it and I’m looking up, I can easily sort of screen that stuff out of my peripheral vision. The planes [of the thighs and neck] are super flat and smooth, so it’s not creepy or distracting and doesn’t feel like it’s been dismembered or anything. It’s just like, it’s an object. And the lack of a head might actually be a good thing, because I think if there was a face, it would never really look like a human face and it would freak me out.

Kate: Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. I want you to start fucking her front hole.

[mb fucks the doll’s vagina]

Kate: Next question is, what does its vagina feel like?

mb: We’re switching between “she” and “it” pronouns. I don’t really know its pronouns. Um, it’s textured. It’s nicely textured on all sides. I can feel the lips. They feel aroused when I press against them, which is nice. It can take my whole cock, which is nice. It’s not quite as tight as the Quickshot, but it has a very realistic human tightness. There’s nothing super crazy at the back. Some Tenga toys have a really wild texture toward the back of the sleeve, and I don’t think it has that.

Kate: Okay. When you’re ready, you can flip her over and try the back hole and tell me what that feels like. [mb flips the doll over] Wow, her back is gorgeous.

mb: That was one of the first things I noticed too. I like that she’s very stable in this position.

[mb starts fucking the doll’s butt]

Kate: Does it freak you out that you can see your dick moving through her back?

mb: Yeah. That does… When I focus on that, it does freak me out a little bit. ‘Cause if that was happening with a human, I’d be like, where’s your spine?! There’s wire in here, but it’s not where the spine is. The spine area is just all squishy. The butt has a good bounce to it, too.

Kate: Does it feel like you’re having anal sex? Physically or psychologically?

mb: Yeah, it does.

Kate: Hmm. How does coming in the doll feel different from coming inside me?

mb: It’s the same as with the oral – there’s no reactions. I’m missing the sounds and the gripping and stuff.

Kate: Okay. Whenever you’re ready, fuck her tits a little bit. And I’ll ask you about that.

mb: Okay.

[mb tries to fuck the doll’s tits]

Kate: You didn’t like this as much when we tried it before, right?

mb: I don’t really know… Yeah, it just doesn’t do anything. The boobs are not close enough together. You can’t really even push them together. It just doesn’t work. No, I can’t fuck them. Too far apart.

Kate: What’s your overall review?

mb: How much does it cost?

Kate: Like 200 bucks or something. [Editor’s note: It costs $209.99.]

mb: Yeah. I think it’s good. For that price, it’s good.

Kate: Do you think you’re going to use it even after we’ve already reviewed it?

mb: Yeah! It’s useful for like, if you’re long-distance and your partner’s super into pearl necklaces or anal or whatever; you have a prop, and you can shoot nudes with it that aren’t just, like, your dick.

Kate: Yup. That’s good. Definitely good for an LDR.

Thanks so much to Tantaly for sending us the Scarlett mini sex doll to review! Remember, you can get 10% off your order from Tantaly by using the code GirlyJuice10 at checkout. This post was sponsored, which means we were paid to provide a fair and honest review of the product.